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Victims Jokes

Why are 9/11 victims the best readers?

They can go through 94 stories in seconds!

Officer: The victims were sacrificed to on a shrine made of antlers.

Detective: Dear god !
Officer: Most likely yes.

How does a ghost woman scare her victims?

With her boooooobies


Sorry, wanted to share this awful pun-joke. It's amazing!

EDIT: Thanks for voting this up to hot! Have a lovely and scary Halloween!
Take care everyone!

Did you know all Chernobyl victims developed perfect eyesight?

They had 20/20 fission.

How were the coin-collecting artist's victims murdered?

They were drawn and quartered!

There is a new serial killer in town who strangles his victims using smaller and smaller T-shirts.

The cops are saying that he’s still at Large.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was reading an article on how men could be the victims of domestic abuse

I was starting to believe this crap, but thankfully, my wife came in and slapped me back to my senses. That's the last time I'm reading men's rights propaganda.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Hitler and the Boston Marathon victims have in common?

Neither of them could finish a race.

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in.

“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.

“I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.”

The guy is flabbergasted. He as...

What's the favored drink among coronavirus victims?

Coughy.

Many burn victims are not very attractive,

But all of them used to be extremely hot at some point in the past.

I recently found out my mom has a disturbing fetish. She has slept with several underage teenagers and I am really concerned about their well being.

The victims contacted me while playing CoD.

TIL that MR T used to wrap victims in flat bread to torture them

He liked to pita the fools

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rapist and con artist get caught by the sheriff in a small town.

The town doesn’t have much money to take care of prisoners so the sheriff gets an idea. He decides he’ll charge money to let the townspeople punish the crooks and use the money to keep them in jail for as long as he can. The sheriff figures even a short stay in jail will be plenty after a little “ju...

Why shouldn’t you make fun of burn victims?

Because they have already been roasted one to many times.

what do school shooter victims and school shooter jokes have in common?

they never get old

a hole in the street

There's a big hole in a street that caused so many accidents and a lot of deaths; the mayor held a meeting with the most intelligent people of the neighborhood to discuss solutions for this problem

the first suggests putting an ambulance next to the hole, so whenever an accident hap...

Joe the dyslexic cop gets pulled into the captain's office...

Joe the dyslexic cop gets pulled into the captain's office, where he is read the riot act. The captain says, "You're a good cop, but these reports just aren't going to cut it anymore, Joe! They're practically illegible! The next report, if there's even one word misspelled on it, you are going on sus...

Why are redneck murder victims the hardest to identify?

Because there are never any dental records

I joined a volunteer group to help stab victims

Didn’t have a sharp knife, so I had my work cut out for me.

How many OCD victims does it take to change a light bulb?

1-2-3-4

What did the earthquake say to all of its victims?

Oh, sorry...my fault.

Looking at the victims body,

Looking at the victim’s body, the cops concluded that they died from ingesting hydrofluoric acid, but it was a baseless accusation.

How does the cereal killer kill his victims?

With a snap, crackle and pop.

You know who the real victims of this virus are?

Ex cons, just made it out of prison to be put in solitary confinement.

What did Vlad the Impaler's victims cried to him during torture?

"Vladislav, baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me, no more"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm surprised Jeffrey Epstein's victims weren't more suspicious of his co-conspirator.

I mean, if someone told me I had to go to Jizz Lane to get $200, I'd be a little more reluctant.

How does a hacker vampire kill its victims?

With a kill-o-byte.

My brother came up to me and asked if I knew what they say to Cosby's victims, he said "Stay woke". I asked what about R. Kelly's victims?

"Grow up"

I feel sorry for victims of necrophilia.

They're always left with blue balls.

Some priests told their victims it was okay to touch them because it said so in the bible.

That is, according to John,10, Luke, 8, and Matthew, 12.

Did you hear about the serial killer who beat his victims to death with clocks?

He just wanted to kill some time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where do Grammar Nazis take their victims?

To conjugation camps...

Why didn't rick astley help the victims of a building on fire?

He refused to let them down

Vampires need to stop turning their victims at such a young age.

Help end Premature Draculation.

Why did the serial killer use a Hoover to subdue his victims?

That way he could always ensure a clean kill.

Let’s not forget the main victims of swatting

Houseflies

In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery.

Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs! 

Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms.

What does Keanu Reeves and a serial killer who strangle his victims have in common?

They are both breathtaking

Melanoma victims hate it at first...

...but it grows on them.^I'm^sorry^...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Homeless man saves suicidal victims life.

A beautiful young lady was standing on the side of a building, contemplating suicide when a homeless man walks up and says " are you going to kill your self? " the young lady replied " YES! And your not stopping me " so he tells her " since your gonna die anyways, can we have sex before you ju...

What is the most offensive coffee to tornado victims?

House blend.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Captain Morgan now facing sexual assault accusations. Local authorities asking victims one question.

Have you had a little Captain in you?

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