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Perpetrator Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Police have arrested a man for having sex with fruit, but they suspect a second perpetrator may still be at large.

The inspector released a statement saying "These people do tend to cum in pears."

A strict submarine captain is reassigned to a new submarine...

... after a few days of laying down new rules, enforcing them strictly, and allowing the crewmen nary a minute off, he saw derogatory posters about him taped around the craft.

Calling for his first officer, he said:
"First Officer, I demand that the submarine be scoured, and every one of t...

Police are asking for help in solving a recent string of burglaries. The perpetrator, apparently suffering from IBS, does #2 on the kitchen floor before escaping.

So far they have no firm leads.

A snail shop owner was attacked by a turtle gang. The police asked if he could describe the perpetrators, he said

I don't know, it happened so fast.

A man was brought to the police station to describe the suspect for a police sketch but is hesitant because the perpetrator was actually him.

His conscience urges him to tell the truth. It might as well be his self-defining moment.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks up to his friend looking sad.

“Somebody stole my thesaurus!” He groans.
“And my dictionary to boot!”

His friend put a reassuring hand on his shoulder and gives him a soft smile.

“How sorrowful my dear companion that such a lamentable circumstance has befallen you. I will pray that the perpetrator be swiftly a...

A robot went on a crime spree in our neighbourhood right before it ran out of battery.

The cops are refusing to charge the perpetrator.

Last night a thief broke into the shoe factory. (Original, I think)

Police have identified a sole perpetrator.

A woman calls the police to report a thief who stole her glasses.

The police arrive and ask if she remembers what the perpetrator looked like. Sadly by then it was all a blur to her.

A man calls 911 to report a murder

Operator: who is the victim

Man: one of my family members

Operator: who is the perpetrator?

Man: another family member

Operator: where did this happen?

Man: in my house

Operator: and when did the murder take place?

Man: i don't know, some time betwe...

Jesus and the adulteress

He stands in front of the crowd who already have their hands raised with the stones, holds out his hands and proclaims " Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her. "

The hands sink, and the congregation starts to hang their head in shame as suddenly a stone ...

A detective and his partner were tracking a thief--their two suspects were an Eskimo and a Canadian.

The detective had told his partner he knew it was the Eskimo, but he didn't have any hard evidence to support his theory.

Finally, at a stakeout, they caught the criminal in the act--and sure enough, as they emerged from the shadows, the perpetrator was the Eskimo. Vindicated, the detective...

So a man robbed an underwear store...

...and the perpetrator was arrested briefly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Officers were investigating a crime that took place at a porn studio.

Finding evidence of the perpetrators, One officer said to the other, "They definitely came in here."

While we still don't know the motivations or the thought process behind the Boston Bombings

I think it's safe to say that the perpetrators are racists.

Jesus sees a mob stoning a man

Jesus is walking through the streets of Nazareth when he comes across an angry mob stoning a man.
Jesus interrupts the mob and speaks his famous line: "let he who is without sin cast the first stone!"
Almost as soon as he says this a stone flies from the crowd. Jesus looks around for the perp...

An old man was tired of reading about local muggings of seniors in his neighbourhood. (Long)

Determined to not sit back and see the crime wave continue any longer, he decided to take action.

The old fellow learned that according to victim statements and witnesses, the perpetrator was a fairly large woman who walked up to frail seniors and demanded money under threat.

Knowing...

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