Quarry Jokes

Turns out it was a pyramid scheme all along.

He looked at it and said “Boulder”.

So I said, “THAT SURE IS A BIG ROCK!”

Apparently getting stoned is not acceptable prior work experience.

A cop waited outside a popular pub hoping to nab a drunk-driver.

At closing time, as everyone came out, he spotted his potential quarry.

The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk.

He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes looking for his car.
... read more

I saw this huge rock. I told him, "Wow! That's a really big rock!"
"Boulder." He says.
**"WOW!!!! THATS A REALLY MASSIVE ROCK,"** I say while puffing my chest out.

There was a famous pianist that was moving to a new mansion he had just bought. He had with him two removalist trucks. One had all his personal belongings and furniture and the second had his favourite piano in it.

As they were travelling to the mansion they passed by a quarry. As they were ... read more

Ever since then our relationship has been on the rocks.

"Hey, barkeep!" he says, struggling to keep control of his quarry. "Any room for me and my friends?"

The bartender smiles and sets down some plastic cups. The man plops his friends inside, but the cups are too small.

"Um...barkeep?" the man says, pulling them out again. The bartender ... read more

"He left a deep hole."

Rocky!

Once, there lived a man, who was very good at playing the piano, and he became very rich from all of the concerts he played at. Eventually, he saved enough money to buy himself a large mansion. He was very excited at this. He packed up all of his belongings, including his enormous grand piano, and p... read more

They hit rock bottom.

A bromine.

The quarry teens are notoriously awful.

Quarry in the House!

A hairdresser was arrested near the quarry today, she was grooming miners

I heard you'll be safe if you are in a quarry team.

his best friend was a chubby lad named Winston - but because of Winston’s penchant for stuffing his face with Stilton, Red Leicester, Cheddar or Brie, naturally he was nicknamed “Cheese”.
One hot summer day, a gang of friends decided to head off to the local quarry to cool off in the water. The... read more

Nestled in a small valley, the town of Alfred was dominated by a church with a massive bell that would ring every day, at the top of every hour for several minutes on end, from sun up 'til sun down, much to the ire of the inhabitants.


One fateful night, the bell disappeared. Distraught,... read more

In third grade, all the other kids drew a family tree. Little dwayne made a family quarry.

Their hunting guide instructs them to find and follow tracks and they should be able to find their quarry.

Bush follows some tracks and gets a bear. Obama follows some tracks and gets a deer.

Trump follows some tracks and gets hit by a train.

...he pulls over. Out of nowhere he hears a booming voice from above: "My son, you have lived a life of virtue, one that I would be proud of, ask me of anything and I will grant it."

Astounded the man thinks for a minute then says: "Well I wish that I could ride my bike to Hawaii. I wish ther... read more

The bartender sees them as they come towards him to order drinks, and notices that they are have crystals inside them.

'Where y'all from?' the bartender asks

One of the rocks steps up. 'We're from the local quarry a few blocks away.'

The bartender raises his eyebrows.

'So... read more

There was once an Irish whaler. Like Ahab, he had a particular nemesis whom he had hunted most of his life. Old and gnarled, he declared one more quest to vanquish his foe before descending into his Mother Earth.

Unlike Ahab however, revenge was not his only motive. This particular whale a... read more

There once was a Hitman named Big Artie.

Things were tough in the Underworld at thew time, what with the Financial Crisis lately and such, the market hasn't been kind to his business. Because of this, he decides that he needs to put down the prices - It's been months since he'd had a job and ... read more