Lamb Jokes - 57 Hilarious Lamb Jokes

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As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop,he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "5 lamb chops, please."

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop,he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "5 lamb chops, please."
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth,and quickly closes the shop.
He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and
...

A teacher goes for a long walk on the beach. She finds a shiny magic lamb, picks it up, and rubs it.

There is a puff of blue smoke and a genie pops out. “You have three wishes. I can give you anything in the world. If I fail, I must become your personal genie for eternity.”

The teacher thinks for a moment and says, “For my first wish, I want jewels. Silver, gold, platinum, whatever you have....

A teacher goes for a walk on the beach. She finds a shiny magic lamb, picks it up, and rubs it.

The lamb gives her a weird look and runs away.

A blind man went to a restaurant.

menu sir? asked the owner. I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order. The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork, and returned to the blind man.
The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and...

If Mary gave birth to Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God...

Did Mary have a little lamb?

A lamb, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.

*baa-dum-tssssssssss*

Why didn't Gordon Ramsay upvote the picture of the lamb steak?

Because it was /r/aww

I took a class on 'The Silence of the Lambs'

It was a Hannibal lecture.

Missionary in the jungle

A missionary lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:

"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"

The missionary hesitates for a moment, then replies:
<...

Why did one lamb friendzone the other?

She didn’t want to ruin their friendsheep.

I heard Miley Cyrus is in the new Silence of the Lambs reboot

She plays Hannibal Montannibal.

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Mary had a little lamb, It ran into a pylon.

10,000 volts went up its arse,

And turned its wool to nylon.

How would you call Lamb kebab in Italian?

Lamborghini

A dark skinned lady named Betty goes to the butcher and asks for some beef.

The butcher replies: "Nooooo Black Betty, ham or lamb!"

My daughters pet lamb died today.

The grieving process was delicious.

The lion decided to invite everyone to his birthday party. But, him being the king, he ordered everybody to bring him meat as a present, or else he will hit them with his massive dong. And soon, the day came and all the animals lined up infront of the lion's cave with their presents.

The Wolf wanted to gift the King lamb, the fox had a chicken, the leopard an antilope, and so on...The lion greeted all of his guests and welcomed them to the party. Suddenly, the rabbit stood infront of him with a carrot. All guests went silent. The lion looked him in the eyes and said: " You know...

How did the lamb tell the other lamb that it had a crush on her?

Sheepishly.

Mary had a little lamb...

Her gynecologist fainted.

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Just a friendly reminder to show respect to Ramadan

Yes, yes. I know we all like to have a good laugh about certain things. But Ramadan is a very important and sacred time for Muslims. And as a non-Muslim, I have since learned that we need treat it with some respect.

See, my next door neighbour is a Muslim. Ever since the start of Ramadan, I h...

A lamb, a drum, and a snake are thrown off a cliff one day!

Baaah dummm tssssssss

When Love Fades......

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's lovely voice from the kitchen.

"What would you like for dinner, my Love. . . Chicken, beef or lamb?"

I said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."

She replied "You're having soup, a\*\*hole. I was talking to the c...

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Little Johnny

The third-grade teacher was teaching English and repeated for her class:

"Mary had a little lamb,
Whose fleece was white as snow,
And everywhere that Mary went,
The lamb was sure to go."

She explained this was an example of poetry, but could be changed...

What do you call a crocodile that will only eat sacrificed lambs?

A Halalligator.

What do you call 2 lambs dating?

A relationSHEEP.

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Adult Names

A man is driving his five-year-old son to school for his first day.

Suddenly the boy shouts out "Daddy! Daddy! Look at those moo cows in that field."

His father says "Hang on, you're a big boy now, you must use adult names. It's a cow, not a moo cow."

The boy i...

What do you do to save a lamb that's having a heart attack!

Give it Sheep P R

(Say it out loud....)

Why'd the lamb crash the car

Cause he was a sheep at the wheel

I spent 20 years searching for a genie’s lamb, but to no avail

I fear I shall never cure my dyslexia

When Mary had a little lamb, The doctor was surprised.

But when Old MacDonald had a farm, The doctor nearly died.

In USA being -on the lamb- means:

:Running away from the Police, because they committed a crime.
In Wales it means...well, something else.

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If a bear shits in the woods, where does his friend the lamb go?

The baathroom.

*new dad, first OC dad-joke of my own*

Why wasn't the little lamb allowed to frolic in the meadow with the other little lambs?

Because he had a serious gambolling problem.

When my next door neighbour started throwing chunks of chicken, lamb, beef & pork off his roof, I thought “Wow...

...a meatier shower”.

Did you hear about the new Silence of the Lambs sequel that's set to take place in Newfoundland?

It's going to be called Ewes Be Quiet.

What do you call a really fast sheep?

A lamb-orghini.

A sacrificial lamb is really nothing more than

a mutton for punishment.

I phoned up my local take away and asked for a kebab.

I said: do you deliver? The guy said no, just lamb or chicken!

At what point does a Lamb become a Sheep?

When its had it's Baaaaa-Mitzvah!

A lamb hovered at the foot of my bed, then disappeared, as I lay frozen in fear.

Sometimes I get sheep paralysis.

What's the difference between Antony Hopkins' character in Silence of the Lambs and someone who taunted Jeffery Dahmer as he ate?

One's Hannibal Lechter and the other's a cannibal heckler.

My wife asked me what the price of lamb meat is. I told her I didn’t know much but...

I know it ain’t sheep.

A Frenchman came to Texas

A Frenchman came to Texas to visit an old friend. The Texan picked him up in his gigantic Cadillac with longhorns mounted on the hood. Knowing that his friend must be hungry and thirsty after the long flight, he stopped at a bar and grill on the way. They walked in and took a seat at the bar and the...

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Sikh Joke

Each Friday night after work, Sardar would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbors were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled ...

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The Jamaican restaurant informed me that they're getting low on lamb meat.

Or in other words:

THE JERK STORE CALLED AND THEY'RE RUNNING OUT OF EWE.

I went to the butchers and asked if he had a lambs head

No he replied, it's just how I come my hair.

How did I get rich?

Well I was working on my sheep farm. We had just sheared the flock and spun the wool into yarn. As I was dying one skein of yarn green, a lamb wandered over and fell into the tub of dye. By the time I rescued the poor thing, he'd already managed to turn himself completely green.

Well, a littl...

A man sees a kebab shop owner, who is cooking some meat, and asks him a question

"Islam?"

"Yes, is lamb."

Alternative nursery rhymes

Mary had a little lamb, her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, between two chunks of bread.

I just sports car being driven by a sheep wearing a swimsuit.

I think it was a lamb bikini

I met this girl Mary on tinder and took her to an all you can eat buffet I knew it wasn't going to work out when she told me she was a vegetarian so I decided to go down with guns blazing.

She came back with her salad to find me with my plate loaded up with every type of meat I could get my hands on.

I was shocked, though pleasantly surprised, when she asked for a bite of my kabab.

Mary had a little lamb.

I'm currently learning English (not my native language) and my teacher keeps wearing pentagrams, bathing in lamb's blood, and praising Lucifer

I'm not sure, but I think it's TEFL worship

Why does ISIS like sheep?

Is-Lamb!

I love my vegetarian-only diet.

Lambs, Cows, Deers, Rabbits. They're all vegetarians and they're delicious!!

A monkey escaped from the petting zoo.

He rode out the gates on the back of a baby sheep.
Authorities have stated that he is on the lamb.

Just found out that Sir Anthony Hopkins is Welsh.

Certainly explains why he wanted all those lambs to keep quiet.

I found an animal cracker shaped like Jesus...

...it was a snackrificial lamb.

Gordon Ramsey hates reposts on r/aww. One day he sees someone reposting a baby sheep

He yells in the comments, "WHERE'S THE LAMB SOURCE!?"

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