What do yo get if you’re inducted into the serial killer hall of fame?

A lifetime dismembership.

I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised I picked up a stranger and asked. “Thanks but why’d you pick me up? How do you know I’m not a serial killer?”

I told him the chances of two serial killers in one car would be astronomical.

I was drinking coffee in the morning while reading about this condemned killer who was executed last night. When I read the part about how all the lights in the execution chamber when out because the electric chair pulled so much power, I had a bitter taste in my mouth.

Must've been a dark roast.

Serial killer words of wisdom?

Never criticize a victim until you’ve walked a mile in their skin...

Why did the serial killer chicken cross the road?

To kill the chicken on the other side....

What does a serial killer do when he finds Waldo?

Wears Waldo.

I've been searching for three years for my mother-in-law's killer...

...but apparently no one will do it!

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.”

He asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies ...

Stay Alert - The Bowling-Alley Killer is still at large ...

Police warn he may strike again.

Marine biologists have discovered a group of killer whales that regularly meets and plays music together.

They call it an orca-stra.

Why serial killers only kill one person at a time

Coz if they killed more they would be parallel killers.

"Bro, don't smoke. It's a slow killer."

"Nice, I'm not in a hurry to die either."

What do serial killers and people who eat fried chicken have in common?

They both think the skin is the best part.

I’ve spent the past two years looking for my ex’s killer.

But no one will do it.

What's the difference between a politician and a serial killer?

The serial killer might listen if you plead with them

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A serial killer was on trial....

The prosecution began its case.

"We allege the accused rendered the victim unconscious and then using his saw .."

At which point a guy at the back shouts out "you rotten bastard"

The judge calls for order and asks the spectators to refrain from shouting out.

The prosecuti...

A blonde a brunette and a redhead are running away from some killers...

... when they find themselves at the end of a dead end ally. They see 3 burlap sacks and hop in. The killers come over wondering where the ladies are and see the sacks.

One of the killers goes up the the brunettes bag and kicks it. “Woof woof” says the brunette. The killer then says “oh ther...

I was prescribed a pain killer from my dentist but I found it difficult to get the lid off...

It was called Tryopenin

Did you hear about the serial killer who beat his victims to death with clocks?

He just wanted to kill some time.

[OC] Did you hear about the serial killer going around killing good-looking people?

It's good to know we're safe.

If you're a Doctor, an Undertaker and a Contract Killer...

...you're gonna get paid anyway.

Who Is the Greatest Chicken-killer in Shakespeare?

Macbeth, because to be fair he did murder most foul.

The killer was found to be completely insane.

So insane, in fact, I was able to convince him that he was guilty of the murder.

What did the pain killer addicted Power Ranger say?

Its morphine time.

They say one friend out of every group has the potential to be a serial killer

So I threw Dave off a cliff just in case it was him

How come they never caught the Zodiac Killer?

Let's face it, all the signs were there.....

Have you heard of the cheese killer?

He will tear you limb from Limburger. And even if you dodge him once, he will Brie back!

KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while she was there she went out to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. 

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back...

why was the serial killer doctor grumpy?

ran out of patients

Serial killer jokes are ok

As long as they are properly executed.

I've spent the last four years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer

But sadly, nobody will do it

What does a serial killer eat when he’s on a budget?

Raw men

Thw detective knew immediately which ballerina was the killer.

Because guilty feet have got no rhythm.

Once I was chased by a serial killer.

We were both running for my life.

They found a woman dead face down in a bathtub full of cornflakes.

They think it’s the work of a cereal killer.

What do you do if you get attacked by a killer clowns?

Go for the jugular

A famous serial killer made a music video of all of his killings but the drum track was lost and unable to be duplicated.

I can’t believe he killed all of those people without any re-percussion.

What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?

Chick Fillet

What kind of killer targets Catholic churches?

A mass murderer

How did Epstien's killers make it look like a suicide?

They used A LOT of coverup

Walking around in the dark can be scary

But it gets easier when you pretend you're the killer

Killer one liner.

Did you hear the one about the two dyslexics who walked into the bra?

A Serial Killer, Car Thief and Russian Spy walks into a bar

And that was just the first guy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The FBI Needed a Stone Cold Killer

After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the women to a large metal door and handed her a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what ...

A detective is investigating a crime scene in Mexico.

A cop fills him in on what happened.

“Apparently the killer is riddled with dementia and considers the train his lover, so he killed the train operator out of jealousy”

“Wow” says the detective, looking up at the train in question.

“That’s some locomotive”

Why does killer whale feces have such a good smell?

Because it's sham-poo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was once a cannibalistic Japanese serial killer who killed and ate my mother. I asked why he would do such a thing.

He said, I just love the taste of Umami.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s xxxtentacion’s killers favorite candy?

A jah-breaker

What is a serial killer's favorite TV show?

Naked and Afraid

Mexican train killers scare me.

They have loco motives.

What does a serial killer say on Reddit?

Thank you for the kind stranger!

A serial killer breaks into a couple's house and finds them getting ready for bed.

He points a gun at the wife and says, "What's your name?"

"Elizabeth," says the woman.

"I could never kill you," says the serial killer, tears in his eyes. "My mother's name was Elizabeth."

He then points the gun at the husband.

"And what's your name?"

"Dan," says ...

A tragedy in the Mystic town

The Mystic town is populated by the human powers, who oddly look like big canisters with labels on them, and is divided into two parts by a huge road. One side of the road is for "General Powers", where guys like Strength, Speed and Agility live. The other one is "Other's" half, where Karma, Qi, Wil...

You're walking through the woods late at night, and come across a group of killer clowns. What's the best move to keep yourself alive?

Go for the juggler.

A mob drags a man into a police station for running over 13 people, while shouting "Murderer!" "Killer"

A mob drags a man into a police station for running over 13 people, while shouting "Murderer!" "Killer "
The policeman disperses the crowd and begins to interrogate the suspect.

The policeman :" Tell me what happened. "

The suspect :" Sir I was driving home within the speed limit ...

How does the cereal killer kill his victims?

With a snap, crackle and pop.

What does Keanu Reeves and a serial killer who strangle his victims have in common?

They are both breathtaking

A serial killer takes a victim into the forest. It’s dark out.

Victim: I’m scared...

Killer: You’re scared, I have to walk out of here alone.

What do you call a serial killer on acid?

Jack the tripper

A Mexican serial killer killed dos people

He never even left a tres

Goldilocks was killed last night

The killers did it with their own bear hands

An Englishman, a Scottish man and an Irish man were captured by a serial killer.

The serial killer said “I will kill you all, but as a final act of kindness I will let you each decide how I will kill you.”

The Englishman accepting his impending death said “I want to die by suffocation, but please make it quick.” So the serial killer picked up a pillow, smothered the face ...

“Murder hornets” have arrived in North America...

...I remember when they were killer bees.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The pregnant lady and the serial killer.

Once, a lady pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when suddenly a man wearing a black mask and a hood came up to her and shot 3 bullets in her stomach.

She was rushed to the hospital by a witness while the culprit fled the scene. Miraculously, they all survived, but the babies ...

Captain Crunch, Frankenberry, Count Chocula, and the Lucky Charms Elf were all murdered last night...

It seems it might have been a cerial killer

I picked up this hitchhiker on the state highway.

He seemed like a nice guy. After a few hours, he asked me if I wasn't afraid that he might be a serial killer.

I replied with "I don't know man, the odds of two serial killers being in the same car is highly unlikely"

Wanna hear a killer joke?

A neighbor comes over and asks to borrow some lettuce.

Me: "Look in the fridge, I'm sure there must be a head in there somewhere."

According to FBI, the number of serial killers is decreasing every year.

Thanks to those damn lazy millennials who can't commit to a single thing.

I recently heard that a director was casting ex felons and goons for his next movie

I don't know how the movie's gonna be

But that is a killer cast!

And they are probably gonna steal the show!

Why did the killer whale go to jail for stealing all the diamonds?

He’s the one that orca-strated the heist!

My jokes are like smallpox. It's a killer.

But no one gets it anymore.

Why did the serial killer use a Hoover to subdue his victims?

That way he could always ensure a clean kill.

How many pain killers does it take to heal a Tape?

5 Per Cassette.

Apparenty we have a serial killer in our family.

All my Honey Nut Cheerios are gone.

Today I defeated a killer clown posse

I went for their jugular

Have you met my Spanish killer whale?

Mallorca?

My friend was a violent serial killer...

Ended up getting caught some time back and sentenced to death by electric chair.

Fast-forward to day of execution.

Guard straps him in.

Guard: "Any last requests?"

Friend: "Remind me of buzzfeed clickbait articles 1 last time"

Guard: "The electric current is going ...

Did you hear about the serial killer that got killed in a standoff with the police in an ice cream shop?

He got what he dessert.

What makes a killer joke?

It's all in the _execution_

"Mum, when I grow up, I want to be a serial killer!"

"Don't do that, honey: you don't know how to properly clean up after yourself."

Imagine if a serial killer would name themselves The Suspense

Everytime they kill someone, the victim would say "The Suspense is killing me".

A serial killer plead guilty to homicide

after being asked by the judge why he would kill, the serial killer responded,

"It fills me with energy."

He was charged with murder.

I, for one, support these crazy killers dressing up like clowns.

It was a lot harder to see them coming when they were dressing like cops.

What’s the difference between incels and serial killers?

Women won’t let incels anywhere near them

The police caught a serial killer who targeted gingers.

At his trial, he kept insisting he'd never harmed a soul.

My grandpa always said that if you kill a killer, the amount in the world stays the same...

That's why I killed 2

I had some killer jokes

they all got 25 to life

This is the only joke I know. Spooktober appropriate.

A cemetery caretaker is feeling ill after a long day's work and decides to head into town to get some medicine before going to bed.

It is still pretty light out and the drug store is only a few miles from his house on the graveyard property, so he decides the walk might do him some good. ...

A killer chases a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.

The three finds three potato sacks to hide in. The killer finds the sacks and decided to poke each one.
When the killer poked the brunette, the brunette goes “meow, meow.” Then the killer pokes the red head, and she goes “bark! bark!” Finally, the killer pokes the blonde in the potato sack and sh...

I’m making a film about killer vacumes

It’s called Dyson with Death

Why are there no pain killers in the jungle?

Because parrots-eat-em-all!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of contract killer has two butts?

An assassin

A serial killer and his date are out for a walk in the woods

"Gee it sure is scary out here" she says

"How do you think I feel? I gotta walk out of here alone."

A serial killer is chasing 3 young women through a farm

The three young women are a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The three women run into a barn and find three barrels to hide in. The brunette jumps into a barrel labeled "chicks". The redhead into a barrel labeled "kittens", and the blonde into one labeled "potatoes".

The serial killer foll...

I got a buddy who’s a serial killer.

He’s one of those that likes to kill folks and use their skin as clothes. Obviously a real creepy guy, but he’s also exhausting to be around. So, I stopped hanging out with him once he started to wear me out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man receives an invitation to the execution of a cannibalistic serial killer

Because of the nature of his crime, the judge had decided that his punishment was to be cooked and eaten by randomly selected members of the public. Not willing to pass up such a unique opportunity, the man decided to go and enjoy himself.

Upon his arrival, he was led to one of many comfy lea...

What is a serial killer's favourite muesli topping?

Chopped dates!!

(first joke I've ever come up with)

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