What's the difference between a politician and a serial killer?

The serial killer might listen if you plead with them

How did Epstien's killers make it look like a suicide?

They used A LOT of coverup

Thw detective knew immediately which ballerina was the killer.

Because guilty feet have got no rhythm.

What do you do if you get attacked by a killer clowns?

Go for the jugular

I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger. He asked, "Thanks but why would you pick me up? How would you know I'm not a serial killer?".

I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.

I've spent the last four years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer

But sadly, nobody will do it

Killer one liner.

Did you hear the one about the two dyslexics who walked into the bra?

What kind of killer targets Catholic churches?

A mass murderer

Mexican train killers scare me.

They have loco motives.

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The FBI Needed a Stone Cold Killer

After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the women to a large metal door and handed her a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what ...

Why does killer whale feces have such a good smell?

Because it's sham-poo

Serial killer

Picked up a hitch-hiker yesterday. After a short while he asked me if I was not worried that he could be a serial killer? I told him that the odds of two serial killers be in the same car, are extremely unlikely

What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?

Chick Fillet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was once a cannibalistic Japanese serial killer who killed and ate my mother. I asked why he would do such a thing.

He said, I just love the taste of Umami.

What do you call a group of killer whales playing music together?

An orca-stra!

How does the cereal killer kill his victims?

With a snap, crackle and pop.

Did you hear about the Mexican serial killer?

I heard he had a loco-motive

I’ve spent the last three years searching for my ex-girlfriend’s killer

unfortunately, no one is willing to do it.

A Serial Killer, Car Thief and Russian Spy walks into a bar

And that was just the first guy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s xxxtentacion’s killers favorite candy?

A jah-breaker

What does Keanu Reeves and a serial killer who strangle his victims have in common?

They are both breathtaking

You're walking through the woods late at night, and come across a group of killer clowns. What's the best move to keep yourself alive?

Go for the juggler.

What do you call a serial killer on acid?

Jack the tripper

A serial killer takes a victim into the forest. It’s dark out.

Victim: I’m scared...

Killer: You’re scared, I have to walk out of here alone.

This is the only joke I know. Spooktober appropriate.

A cemetery caretaker is feeling ill after a long day's work and decides to head into town to get some medicine before going to bed.

It is still pretty light out and the drug store is only a few miles from his house on the graveyard property, so he decides the walk might do him some good. ...

A serial killer breaks into a couple's house and finds them getting ready for bed.

He points a gun at the wife and says, "What's your name?"

"Elizabeth," says the woman.

"I could never kill you," says the serial killer, tears in his eyes. "My mother's name was Elizabeth."

He then points the gun at the husband.

"And what's your name?"

"Dan," says ...

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He st...

A Mexican serial killer killed dos people

He never even left a tres

Why are serial killers extremely rich?

I don’t know, I guess they just always make a killing.

Why did the serial killer use a Hoover to subdue his victims?

That way he could always ensure a clean kill.

Wanna hear a killer joke?

A neighbor comes over and asks to borrow some lettuce.

Me: "Look in the fridge, I'm sure there must be a head in there somewhere."

Today I defeated a killer clown posse

I went for their jugular

What do you call the guy who gave Freddie Mercury an std

He’s a killer queen

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Franz was reading his book on death row...

It was the ‘storm of the century’. On death row, Franz was reading his religious texts, looking for God, even as the inmates of the neighbouring cells were having an explosive argument about who should get to shower first. ’14 days to execution’, Franz thought, as he physically and mentally trembled...

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The pregnant lady and the serial killer.

Once, a lady pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when suddenly a man wearing a black mask and a hood came up to her and shot 3 bullets in her stomach.

She was rushed to the hospital by a witness while the culprit fled the scene. Miraculously, they all survived, but the babies ...

Have you ever heard of the Bowling Ball Killer?

He waits till he sees a group of people standing in a perfect bowling pin formation and then that's when he strikes. Very disturbing.

(not mine, but my partner's joke)

"Mum, when I grow up, I want to be a serial killer!"

"Don't do that, honey: you don't know how to properly clean up after yourself."

My jokes are like smallpox. It's a killer.

But no one gets it anymore.

An Englishman, a Scottish man and an Irish man were captured by a serial killer.

The serial killer said “I will kill you all, but as a final act of kindness I will let you each decide how I will kill you.”

The Englishman accepting his impending death said “I want to die by suffocation, but please make it quick.” So the serial killer picked up a pillow, smothered the face ...

Imagine if a serial killer would name themselves The Suspense

Everytime they kill someone, the victim would say "The Suspense is killing me".

Why did the killer whale go to jail for stealing all the diamonds?

He’s the one that orca-strated the heist!

According to FBI, the number of serial killers is decreasing every year.

Thanks to those damn lazy millennials who can't commit to a single thing.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

His family was experiencing financial trouble, and needed money. He tried applying for many jobs, they just didn't work out. After ending up working in the drug business to support his family, a deal went bad and he got shot, landing him to the hospital. The night his family arrived to check on him...

I’m making a film about killer vacumes

It’s called Dyson with Death

Whale of a joke

**Why should you never hump a whale...**

They may feel a bit blue,
some may think it's great,
others may find it killer;
But you always run the risk of finding the one that will humpback.

A serial killer plead guilty to homicide

after being asked by the judge why he would kill, the serial killer responded,

"It fills me with energy."

He was charged with murder.

A mob drags a man into a police station for running over 13 people, while shouting "Murderer!" "Killer"

A mob drags a man into a police station for running over 13 people, while shouting "Murderer!" "Killer "
The policeman disperses the crowd and begins to interrogate the suspect.

The policeman :" Tell me what happened. "

The suspect :" Sir I was driving home within the speed limit ...

Did you hear about the serial killer that got killed in a standoff with the police in an ice cream shop?

He got what he dessert.

I had some killer jokes

they all got 25 to life

Apparenty we have a serial killer in our family.

All my Honey Nut Cheerios are gone.

My grandpa always said that if you kill a killer, the amount in the world stays the same...

That's why I killed 2

I was using Spotify and they have this killer punch line:

Congratulations,






you just discovered a premium feature. Pay to see more!

Have you heard the joke about the Jonestown cult?

The punchline is a real killer.

What’s the difference between incels and serial killers?

Women won’t let incels anywhere near them

A woman is driving late at night on a back road when she suddenly sees a hitchhiker wave her over...

The woman stops and let's the man in.

The hitchhiker says, "Wow! I'm really surprised you stopped for me! I could be a serial killer for all you know."

The woman giggles and says, "Nah, I figured you were probably an alright guy. After all, what are the chances of two serial killers en...

A killer chases a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.

The three finds three potato sacks to hide in. The killer finds the sacks and decided to poke each one.
When the killer poked the brunette, the brunette goes “meow, meow.” Then the killer pokes the red head, and she goes “bark! bark!” Finally, the killer pokes the blonde in the potato sack and sh...

Police have warned that the Sudoku Killer is still at large and making threats

He will kill either 1, 4, or 9 people today

Did you hear about the big booty serial killer woman who bought too many drinks at the bar for her victim?

She had the drunk in the trunk!

Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia Wants to Get to the Truth of the Khashoggi Murder

He's hired OJ to track down the real killers.

For the second time this month all the animals in a feline cloning facility were killed

Police are looking for a copycat killer

I got a buddy who’s a serial killer.

He’s one of those that likes to kill folks and use their skin as clothes. Obviously a real creepy guy, but he’s also exhausting to be around. So, I stopped hanging out with him once he started to wear me out.

TIL there was once a serial killer that created his own language involving clicks and taps.

He called it “Remorse Code”.

A man was being interviewed for a job in CIA

Interviewer: We want a person with suspicious mind, always alert, merciless, ready to attack, acute sense of hearing, detective ability and most importantly having a killer Instinct. So, do you think you are eligible?

Man: Sir... Can my wife apply?

Today I stepped on a corn flake.

Does that make me a cereal killer?

Judge: "How can you live with your guilt?"

Killer: "Better than my victims."

Why are there no pain killers in the jungle?

Because parrots-eat-em-all!

A serial killer and his date are out for a walk in the woods

"Gee it sure is scary out here" she says

"How do you think I feel? I gotta walk out of here alone."

I Was Chased By a Serial Killer

He backed me into a corner. “There’s nothing you can do! You’re about to die!”

“You sound just like my doctor!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I never really liked Hitler

His killer is my hero.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One fine day, a billionaire was walking his dog.

Suddenly a man ran out from the bushes in front of him and shot the poor dog three times. The billionaire screamed at the killer, "Why did you do that?". The killer answered, "Your wife gave me $50,000 and said to "Go kill that son-of-a-bitch"".

The billionaire hugged the killer & said .....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes out drinking and find an unusually downtrodden bartender.

He asks the bartender what the matter is and he says:

“You see this bar? I built it with my own two hands. No one’s ever called me bar builder.

You see that beer? I brewed it myself. No one’s ever called me beer brewer.

You see that deer on the wall? I killed and stuffed it myse...

A blue whale walks into a bar...

The bartender says "you're too big, get outta here!"
Killer whale walks into the bar, bartender says "hell no, no killers here!"
Then a sperm whale walks in and says "can I stay?"
"Sure" says the bartender, "sperm whales are always whale-cum"

A serial killer who was known for taking body parts as trophies

A serial killer who was known for taking body parts as trophies was captured after attacking a uniformed police officer and severing her arm. When asked why he went after the officer despite knowing the danger, he simply replied, "It was a wrist I was willing to take."

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are running from a serial killer

Frightened for their lives, they run into an alleyway and try to catch their breath.

"Quick!" says the brunette. "We have to hide!"

Wasting no time, the three girls run around the alleyway to find something to hide in. The redhead finds three human-sized bags and tosses them to her fri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hannibal Lecter escapes his prison, and begins a cannibalistic killing spree.

Bodies turn up all over the city, mutilated and butchered like livestock. The livers are missing from the bodies, as is muscle from the shoulders, legs and back, the tongues, a variety of human flesh all carved out and eaten by Lecter after killing his victims.

Not only that, but he escapes t...

The killer panda

A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders food, eats it, shoots the waiter, and begins to walk out. The bartender yells to him, "You can't do that!" The panda bear replies, "It's in the dictionary."

So they look up panda in the dictionary, and it says, "Panda: eats shoot and leaves."

I was trying to console the wife of a serial killer who committed suicide.

I said, “Hey, at least he died doing what he loved.”

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