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A mob dragged a man into a police station for running over 11 people, while shouting "Monster!" "Murderer!" "Killer! ".

The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect.

The policeman : Tell me what happened.

The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to either crash the car into a group of 10 people or to swerve into th...

If there is a Serial killer inside your house, What is the safest place to hide?

In the living room.

Did you ever hear about the Mexican train killer?

He had locomotives

Whats the last thing a serial killer hear before he kills his next victim?

Snap crackle pop

I picked up a hitchhiker the other day. He said "you're brave, how do you know I'm not a serial killer?"

I said "the chances of two serial killers being in the same car is astronomical"

I heard that 1 in every 5 people from a group have the potential to be a serial killer

So I killed them all just to be safe.

If you are being chased by a serial killer.

Both of you are running for your life.

I've spend the last 10 years looking for my mother in law's killer...

But nobody will do it!

What do I do when I learn that the ice cream man is a serial killer?

Ice-scream

What do both teachers in the hallway and killers say?

"Stop running around the place, kid."

I have been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer

But no one would do it.

After many years, I finally found my girlfriend's killer.

Nice guy, fair prices!

Detective: What did you find in the serial killers home?

Police: Head shoulders knees and toes, knees and toes

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What do you call a place where highly-trained-gay killers stay for night?

Ass-ass-inn

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What do serial killers and ballsacks have in common? (nsfw)

They're both nutcases

What do you call a serial killer who kills 2 people in one year, 4 the next, and 16 the year after?

A second degree murderer.

hard to find coins, hard to find killer...

A rare coin dealer was found dead in his shop on thursday morning.

Police said he was beaten 'cent-less...'

What do yo get if you’re inducted into the serial killer hall of fame?

A lifetime dismembership.

I've been looking for my wife's killer for an year now

I still cannot find one:(

My friend asked me if I believe in killer clowns

I replied, "No doubt about IT"

I've spent the last 2 years looking for my ex girlfriend's killer

...no one would do it

I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised I picked up a stranger and asked. “Thanks but why’d you pick me up? How do you know I’m not a serial killer?”

I told him the chances of two serial killers in one car would be astronomical.

A serial killer was celebrating his cake day when he was nabbed by the police.

As he was escorted, he heard a voice shouted, “I’ve told you karma will come to bite you!”

My friend is planning to do vasectomies on killer whales.

But he prefers the term orchestrating

Today there's been another gruesome murder by the killer that police have nicknamed "The knitting needles killer"

Police fear he may be working to a pattern

What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?

“Wait, you’re getting paid?”

Serial killer words of wisdom?

Never criticize a victim until you’ve walked a mile in their skin...

What's the difference between a politician and a serial killer?

The serial killer might listen if you plead with them

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.”

He asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies ...

I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years.

But nobody will do it.

What does a serial killer do when he finds Waldo?

Wears Waldo.

I read that Snap, Crackle and Pop were found murdered along with Captain Crunch and Tony the Tiger

Authorities suspect it's the work of a cereal killer.

Why did the serial killer chicken cross the road?

To kill the chicken on the other side....

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The indicted serial killer was asked to stand. "You are charged with murdering a young schoolteacher with a chain saw," the judge intoned. "Lying bastard!" a man shouted from the gallery.

The judge fixed the unruly fellow with a
Stern stare, but continued. "You are also
charged with murdering a housewife with a
shovel.
"Damn tightwad!" the man bellowed.
"Sir," the judge warned, "you cannot disrupt
ihe court like this. Explain these outbursts."
"I've lived next do...

There was a man who ready a joke so funny that he died from laughter.

After reading it, the authorities all agreed that it was a killer joke.

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A serial killer was on trial....

The prosecution began its case.

"We allege the accused rendered the victim unconscious and then using his saw .."

At which point a guy at the back shouts out "you rotten bastard"

The judge calls for order and asks the spectators to refrain from shouting out.

The prosecuti...

Why serial killers only kill one person at a time

Coz if they killed more they would be parallel killers.

Why was the killer obsessed with dairy?

He/she was a Cereal Killer

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The Dental Appt.

>A guy goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted.She pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot."No way! No needles. I hate needles" the patient said.
>
>The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man says: " I can't do the gas thing. The thought of ha...

Stay Alert - The Bowling-Alley Killer is still at large ...

Police warn he may strike again.

What did the pain killer addicted Power Ranger say?

Its morphine time.

Marine biologists have discovered a group of killer whales that regularly meets and plays music together.

They call it an orca-stra.

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Dentist appointment

A may goes to the dentist to have a tooth pulled. The dentist comes in and pulls out a needle to administer the numbing shot..

Man says, "No, no. I am allergic to that medicine. It makes me swell like a blow fish." Dentist grabs the gas mask. The man says, "No, no. I can't have the gas eithe...

They say that curiosity kills the cat.

My childhood memories are ruined, now that i realized that Curious George is a cat killer

A lady golfer runs into the pro shop with tears running down her face.

"Help!" she cries. "I've been stung by a killer hornet!"

"Where?" asks the pro.

"Between the first and second holes!" wails the lady golfer.

"Hmm..." says the pro. "Sounds like your stance is too wide."

What do you call someone who spoils tv shows?

A serial killer

Did you hear about the serial killer who beat his victims to death with clocks?

He just wanted to kill some time.

My aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

What do serial killers and people who eat fried chicken have in common?

They both think the skin is the best part.

A blonde a brunette and a redhead are running away from some killers...

... when they find themselves at the end of a dead end ally. They see 3 burlap sacks and hop in. The killers come over wondering where the ladies are and see the sacks.

One of the killers goes up the the brunettes bag and kicks it. “Woof woof” says the brunette. The killer then says “oh ther...

[OC] Did you hear about the serial killer going around killing good-looking people?

It's good to know we're safe.

I was prescribed a pain killer from my dentist but I found it difficult to get the lid off...

It was called Tryopenin

The killer was found to be completely insane.

So insane, in fact, I was able to convince him that he was guilty of the murder.

How come they never caught the Zodiac Killer?

Let's face it, all the signs were there.....

If you're a Doctor, an Undertaker and a Contract Killer...

...you're gonna get paid anyway.

Failed serial killer pick up line:

Hey baby, that dress looks good on you.

You know what else would look good on you?

Three feet of dirt.

Have you heard of the cheese killer?

He will tear you limb from Limburger. And even if you dodge him once, he will Brie back!

A Serial Killer, Car Thief and Russian Spy walks into a bar

And that was just the first guy

Serial killer jokes are ok

As long as they are properly executed.

why was the serial killer doctor grumpy?

ran out of patients

Who Is the Greatest Chicken-killer in Shakespeare?

Macbeth, because to be fair he did murder most foul.

KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while she was there she went out to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. 

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back...

What kind of killer targets Catholic churches?

A mass murderer

How did Epstien's killers make it look like a suicide?

They used A LOT of coverup

What do you do if you get attacked by a killer clowns?

Go for the jugular

What does a serial killer eat when he’s on a budget?

Raw men

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The FBI Needed a Stone Cold Killer

After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the women to a large metal door and handed her a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what ...

A serial killer breaks into a couple's house and finds them getting ready for bed.

He points a gun at the wife and says, "What's your name?"

"Elizabeth," says the woman.

"I could never kill you," says the serial killer, tears in his eyes. "My mother's name was Elizabeth."

He then points the gun at the husband.

"And what's your name?"

"Dan," says ...

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The pregnant lady and the serial killer.

Once, a lady pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when suddenly a man wearing a black mask and a hood came up to her and shot 3 bullets in her stomach.

She was rushed to the hospital by a witness while the culprit fled the scene. Miraculously, they all survived, but the babies ...

What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?

Chick Fillet

An organic bakery advertises that they hire the best people for the job, regardless of criminal history...

I think they should have thought about their name alittle more at Dave's Killer Bread.

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There was once a cannibalistic Japanese serial killer who killed and ate my mother. I asked why he would do such a thing.

He said, I just love the taste of Umami.

Killer one liner.

Did you hear the one about the two dyslexics who walked into the bra?

A famous serial killer made a music video of all of his killings but the drum track was lost and unable to be duplicated.

I can’t believe he killed all of those people without any re-percussion.

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What’s xxxtentacion’s killers favorite candy?

A jah-breaker

What is a serial killer's favorite TV show?

Naked and Afraid

Politely asking

I love how in scary movies the person yells out 'Hello?' As if the killer is going to be like " yeah I'm in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"

Mexican train killers scare me.

They have loco motives.

An Englishman, a Scottish man and an Irish man were captured by a serial killer.

The serial killer said “I will kill you all, but as a final act of kindness I will let you each decide how I will kill you.”

The Englishman accepting his impending death said “I want to die by suffocation, but please make it quick.” So the serial killer picked up a pillow, smothered the face ...

According to FBI, the number of serial killers is decreasing every year.

Thanks to those damn lazy millennials who can't commit to a single thing.

What does Keanu Reeves and a serial killer who strangle his victims have in common?

They are both breathtaking

A serial killer takes a victim into the forest. It’s dark out.

Victim: I’m scared...

Killer: You’re scared, I have to walk out of here alone.

You're walking through the woods late at night, and come across a group of killer clowns. What's the best move to keep yourself alive?

Go for the juggler.

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Detective Shakespeare and his new partner Jameson are on a case...

the Murder of a young man named Jonathan, Detective Shakespeare arrives first and asks the neighbors and the witnesses, he writes the name of 10 people as suspects, after further investigations, he narrows the number of suspects down to 2 young men, Maximilianus and Tobias, then Jameson, who oversle...

Why does killer whale feces have such a good smell?

Because it's sham-poo

What would you call a rapper named T-Cell?

A natural killer!

A man is trying to hitchhike on the side of the road

After a little while, a car pulls up and the driver says “want a ride?” The man gets in and they drive off. After a little while the hitchhiker gets a little antsy “Aren’t you worried I’m a serial killer or something? He asks. The driver looks at him. “Now what are the chances of two serial killers ...

What does a serial killer say on Reddit?

Thank you for the kind stranger!

Arrested

Went into a store the other day and got caught stabbing boxes in the breakfast food aisle . The charge? Cereal killer.

A man was being interviewed for job in the army

The general asks the man: We want a person with a suspicious mind, one who is always alert. Merciless and ready to attack. Someone who has an acute sense of hearing and has detective ability. And most importantly having a killer instinct!

So do you think you are eligible?

The man rep...

Say what you want about Elon Musk but with his plan to bring people to mars...

No one is a more creative serial killer

My friend was a violent serial killer...

Ended up getting caught some time back and sentenced to death by electric chair.

Fast-forward to day of execution.

Guard straps him in.

Guard: "Any last requests?"

Friend: "Remind me of buzzfeed clickbait articles 1 last time"

Guard: "The electric current is going ...

A Frenchman is arrested for murder

He is convicted by an eye-witness acount. He then breaks out of jail and stabs his witness with a baguette. The witness' son sees this and stabs the killer with another baguette.
Vengeance baguettes more vengeance.

What makes a killer joke?

It's all in the _execution_

The police caught a serial killer who targeted gingers.

At his trial, he kept insisting he'd never harmed a soul.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?!

asked the Killer



Lily: M-My name is Lily..

Killer: Okay, you've the same name as my mom, I'll let you live. How about you ?!

Marshall: I'm Marshall but my friends call me Lily!

Why did the killer whale go to jail for stealing all the diamonds?

He’s the one that orca-strated the heist!

I, for one, support these crazy killers dressing up like clowns.

It was a lot harder to see them coming when they were dressing like cops.

A killer chases a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.

The three finds three potato sacks to hide in. The killer finds the sacks and decided to poke each one.
When the killer poked the brunette, the brunette goes “meow, meow.” Then the killer pokes the red head, and she goes “bark! bark!” Finally, the killer pokes the blonde in the potato sack and sh...

Wanna hear a killer joke?

A neighbor comes over and asks to borrow some lettuce.

Me: "Look in the fridge, I'm sure there must be a head in there somewhere."

My jokes are like smallpox. It's a killer.

But no one gets it anymore.

Have you ever heard of the Bowling Ball Killer?

He waits till he sees a group of people standing in a perfect bowling pin formation and then that's when he strikes. Very disturbing.

(not mine, but my partner's joke)

The first Water movie was great.

Yesterday I saw H2O 1 and it was refreshing. Today I heard that the critics are saying the second one is a killer one.

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