I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger. He asked, "Thanks but why would you pick me up? How would you know I'm not a serial killer?".

I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.

What does Keanu Reeves and a serial killer who strangle his victims have in common?

They are both breathtaking

Why did the serial killer use a Hoover to subdue his victims?

That way he could always ensure a clean kill.

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He st...

A Mexican serial killer killed dos people

He never even left a tres

Today I defeated a killer clown posse

I went for their jugular

Wanna hear a killer joke?

A neighbor comes over and asks to borrow some lettuce.

Me: "Look in the fridge, I'm sure there must be a head in there somewhere."

"Mum, when I grow up, I want to be a serial killer!"

"Don't do that, honey: you don't know how to properly clean up after yourself."

I spent four years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer

I still can’t find anyone to do it.

What do serial killers and fat girls on tinder have in common?

They both love to hide their bodies.

Have you ever heard of the Bowling Ball Killer?

He waits till he sees a group of people standing in a perfect bowling pin formation and then that's when he strikes. Very disturbing.

(not mine, but my partner's joke)

A Serial Killer, Car Thief and Russian Spy walks into a bar

And that was just the first guy

I’ve been searching for my ex wife’s killer for the past two years.

No one is willing to do it.

My jokes are like smallpox. It's a killer.

But no one gets it anymore.

I had some killer jokes

they all got 25 to life

Most serial killers are men.

That's because women like to kill one man slowly over many many years.

Who is the greatest Chicken-Killer in Shakespeare?

Macbeth, because he did murder most foul.

Why did the killer whale go to jail for stealing all the diamonds?

He’s the one that orca-strated the heist!

Have you met my Spanish killer whale?

Mallorca?

What’s the difference between incels and serial killers?

Women won’t let incels anywhere near them

Imagine if a serial killer would name themselves The Suspense

Everytime they kill someone, the victim would say "The Suspense is killing me".

An Englishman, a Scottish man and an Irish man were captured by a serial killer.

The serial killer said “I will kill you all, but as a final act of kindness I will let you each decide how I will kill you.”

The Englishman accepting his impending death said “I want to die by suffocation, but please make it quick.” So the serial killer picked up a pillow, smothered the face ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The pregnant lady and the serial killer.

Once, a lady pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when suddenly a man wearing a black mask and a hood came up to her and shot 3 bullets in her stomach.

She was rushed to the hospital by a witness while the culprit fled the scene. Miraculously, they all survived, but the babies ...

Did you hear about the serial killer that got killed in a standoff with the police in an ice cream shop?

He got what he dessert.

My grandpa always said that if you kill a killer, the amount in the world stays the same...

That's why I killed 2

I’m making a film about killer vacumes

It’s called Dyson with Death

A killer chases a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.

The three finds three potato sacks to hide in. The killer finds the sacks and decided to poke each one.
When the killer poked the brunette, the brunette goes “meow, meow.” Then the killer pokes the red head, and she goes “bark! bark!” Finally, the killer pokes the blonde in the potato sack and sh...

According to FBI, the number of serial killers is decreasing every year.

Thanks to those damn lazy millennials who can't commit to a single thing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man receives an invitation to the execution of a cannibalistic serial killer

Because of the nature of his crime, the judge had decided that his punishment was to be cooked and eaten by randomly selected members of the public. Not willing to pass up such a unique opportunity, the man decided to go and enjoy himself.

Upon his arrival, he was led to one of many comfy lea...

A serial killer plead guilty to homicide

after being asked by the judge why he would kill, the serial killer responded,

"It fills me with energy."

He was charged with murder.

Did you hear about the Mexican train killer?

He had locomotives.

Apparenty we have a serial killer in our family.

All my Honey Nut Cheerios are gone.

What do you call a necklace on a serial killer?

An accessory to murder.

Did you hear about the serial killer train conductor?

I heard he had a loco-motive.

What do you call a murderer who killed a serial crow killer

a murdermurderermurderer

Police have warned that the Sudoku Killer is still at large and making threats

He will kill either 1, 4, or 9 people today

I was using Spotify and they have this killer punch line:

Congratulations,






you just discovered a premium feature. Pay to see more!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two police detectives are discussing a serial killer's case

The rookie detective Bob is reading the case files for a serial killer whose MO includes cutting out the tongues and amputating the legs of all his victims. Curious, he asks the senior detective Joe about this serial killer.

"Oh yeah, we've been trying to catch this guy for about 10 years now...

What makes a killer joke?

It's all in the _execution_

A serial killer and his date are out for a walk in the woods

"Gee it sure is scary out here" she says

"How do you think I feel? I gotta walk out of here alone."

Ive spent the last two years looking for my girlfriends killer.

Nobody will do it.

I got a buddy who’s a serial killer.

He’s one of those that likes to kill folks and use their skin as clothes. Obviously a real creepy guy, but he’s also exhausting to be around. So, I stopped hanging out with him once he started to wear me out.

Why are there no pain killers in the jungle?

Because parrots-eat-em-all!

My friend was a violent serial killer...

Ended up getting caught some time back and sentenced to death by electric chair.

Fast-forward to day of execution.

Guard straps him in.

Guard: "Any last requests?"

Friend: "Remind me of buzzfeed clickbait articles 1 last time"

Guard: "The electric current is going ...

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are running from a serial killer

Frightened for their lives, they run into an alleyway and try to catch their breath.

"Quick!" says the brunette. "We have to hide!"

Wasting no time, the three girls run around the alleyway to find something to hide in. The redhead finds three human-sized bags and tosses them to her fri...

A mob drags a man into a police station for running over 13 people, while shouting "Murderer!" "Killer"

A mob drags a man into a police station for running over 13 people, while shouting "Murderer!" "Killer "
The policeman disperses the crowd and begins to interrogate the suspect.

The policeman :" Tell me what happened. "

The suspect :" Sir I was driving home within the speed limit ...

Did you hear about the big booty serial killer woman who bought too many drinks at the bar for her victim?

She had the drunk in the trunk!

Why does killer whale feces smell so good?

Because it's shampoo.

I Was Chased By a Serial Killer

He backed me into a corner. “There’s nothing you can do! You’re about to die!”

“You sound just like my doctor!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of contract killer has two butts?

An assassin

A serial killer who was known for taking body parts as trophies

A serial killer who was known for taking body parts as trophies was captured after attacking a uniformed police officer and severing her arm. When asked why he went after the officer despite knowing the danger, he simply replied, "It was a wrist I was willing to take."

The killer panda

A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders food, eats it, shoots the waiter, and begins to walk out. The bartender yells to him, "You can't do that!" The panda bear replies, "It's in the dictionary."

So they look up panda in the dictionary, and it says, "Panda: eats shoot and leaves."

What is a serial killer's favourite muesli topping?

Chopped dates!!

(first joke I've ever come up with)

TIL there was once a serial killer that created his own language involving clicks and taps.

He called it “Remorse Code”.

I was trying to console the wife of a serial killer who committed suicide.

I said, “Hey, at least he died doing what he loved.”

The police just found a pizza topped with human noses in a serial killer's fridge.

It was a Dahmer nose pizza.

For the past six years I've been trying to find my mother-in-law's killer...

...but nobody wants the job.

(Courtesy of Steve Pemberton & Reece Shearsmith)

A man gets pulled over for speeding

The police officer walks up to the car and asks the man why he got pulled over.

"Yeah, I was speeding, I always drive a bit faster after I've had a few beers"

The cop was stunned, "you mean to tell me that you were under the influence of alcohol?"

"Yeah I needed something to eas...

Did you hear about the NHL official that was arrested as a serial killer?

His name was Referee Dahmer.

Today I found out my buddy Vlad is a serial killer...

...so I said: "Vladizlav, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more..."

What's a serial killer's favorite kind of party?

The search party

A serial killer is chasing 3 young women through a farm

The three young women are a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The three women run into a barn and find three barrels to hide in. The brunette jumps into a barrel labeled "chicks". The redhead into a barrel labeled "kittens", and the blonde into one labeled "potatoes".

The serial killer foll...

The police caught a serial killer who targeted gingers.

At his trial, he kept insisting he'd never harmed a soul.

“Wait a minute! You have been cheating on me all this time!”, my wife yelled at me as she found all the letters I had been hiding.

I felt cornered and prepared myself to face her fury, as she got red with anger and started walking towards me. She looked straight into my eyes and gave me a killer look I could never forget.

​

And kids, that’s the last time I played scrabble with her!

I, for one, support these crazy killers dressing up like clowns.

It was a lot harder to see them coming when they were dressing like cops.

What are a serial killer's clothes made from?

Paul E. Ester

There is a serial killer currently on the loose

He has been murdering people with knitting needles. Police think he is following some kind of pattern.

Told my girlfriend that I've started writing a book about a serial killer that murders his lover.

She said, "That sounds exciting. I love thrillers."

I said, "It's not a thriller, it's an autobiography."

They say one friend out of every group has the potential to be a serial killer....

So I threw Dave off a cliff just in case it was him.

I figured out the zodiac killer case

It was cancer.

What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments?

An orca-stra.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Cannibal Serial Killer?

A serial eater........ ...

I've searched high and low for my brother's killer

but nobody is willing to do it.

What's the difference between a killer whale and a killer dolphin?

One doesn't have to hide the bodies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the reformed serial killer that murdered prostitutes by stabbing them with car keys?

He did the ho key pokey then he turned himself around.

Why do killer whales never make friends with other species?

They're too orc'ward.

What do a serial killer and a prolific gardener have in common?

Both of their sheds are filled with hoes.

How do you stop serial killers?

Just arrest one of them, and all of them stop.

This wouldn't work if they were parallel killers.

How did the serial killer get through the woods?

They used a psychopath.

The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.

It was very carefully orca-strated.

What's more dangerous than a serial killer?

A parallel killer.

Police were on the lookout for serial killer John Wayne Gacy

They stepped into a corner store for some coffee and saw a guy in back where the milk cartons are.
Cop 1: "Hey, that looks like our suspect!"
Cop 2: "What's he doing?"
Cop 1: "Talking to himself. Let's get closer."
So they go up right behind him and listen.
Gacy:"Need him....

Why are there no female serial killers ??

Because after the first kill, they have to tell someone.

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