I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger. He asked, "Thanks but why would you pick me up? How would you know I'm not a serial killer?".

I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.

What kind of killer targets Catholic churches?

A mass murderer

I've spent the last four years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer

But sadly, nobody will do it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was once a cannibalistic Japanese serial killer who killed and ate my mother. I asked why he would do such a thing.

He said, I just love the taste of Umami.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s xxxtentacion’s killers favorite candy?

A jah-breaker

How does the cereal killer kill his victims?

With a snap, crackle and pop.

A serial killer breaks into a couple's house and finds them getting ready for bed.

He points a gun at the wife and says, "What's your name?"

"Elizabeth," says the woman.

"I could never kill you," says the serial killer, tears in his eyes. "My mother's name was Elizabeth."

He then points the gun at the husband.

"And what's your name?"

"Dan," says ...

A serial killer takes a victim into the forest. It’s dark out.

Victim: I’m scared...

Killer: You’re scared, I have to walk out of here alone.

What do you call a serial killer on acid?

Jack the tripper

What does Keanu Reeves and a serial killer who strangle his victims have in common?

They are both breathtaking

I’ve spent the last three years searching for my ex-girlfriend’s killer

unfortunately, no one is willing to do it.

A Serial Killer, Car Thief and Russian Spy walks into a bar

And that was just the first guy

What do you call a group of killer whales playing music together?

An orca-stra!

A Mexican serial killer killed dos people

He never even left a tres

Why are serial killers extremely rich?

I don’t know, I guess they just always make a killing.

You're walking through the woods late at night, and come across a group of killer clowns. What's the best move to keep yourself alive?

Go for the juggler.

Why did the serial killer use a Hoover to subdue his victims?

That way he could always ensure a clean kill.

Today I defeated a killer clown posse

I went for their jugular

Wanna hear a killer joke?

A neighbor comes over and asks to borrow some lettuce.

Me: "Look in the fridge, I'm sure there must be a head in there somewhere."

Have you guys heard of the serial killer that uses a power drill as his murder weapon of choice?

It was reported that he had bored all of his victims to death.

Most serial killers are men.

That's because women like to kill one man slowly over many many years.

Have you ever heard of the Bowling Ball Killer?

He waits till he sees a group of people standing in a perfect bowling pin formation and then that's when he strikes. Very disturbing.

(not mine, but my partner's joke)

How many pain killers does it take to heal a Tape?

5 Per Cassette.

My jokes are like smallpox. It's a killer.

But no one gets it anymore.

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He st...

Why did the killer whale go to jail for stealing all the diamonds?

He’s the one that orca-strated the heist!

An Englishman, a Scottish man and an Irish man were captured by a serial killer.

The serial killer said “I will kill you all, but as a final act of kindness I will let you each decide how I will kill you.”

The Englishman accepting his impending death said “I want to die by suffocation, but please make it quick.” So the serial killer picked up a pillow, smothered the face ...

"Mum, when I grow up, I want to be a serial killer!"

"Don't do that, honey: you don't know how to properly clean up after yourself."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The pregnant lady and the serial killer.

Once, a lady pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when suddenly a man wearing a black mask and a hood came up to her and shot 3 bullets in her stomach.

She was rushed to the hospital by a witness while the culprit fled the scene. Miraculously, they all survived, but the babies ...

Have you met my Spanish killer whale?

Mallorca?

I had some killer jokes

they all got 25 to life

Who is the greatest Chicken-Killer in Shakespeare?

Macbeth, because he did murder most foul.

According to FBI, the number of serial killers is decreasing every year.

Thanks to those damn lazy millennials who can't commit to a single thing.

A serial killer plead guilty to homicide

after being asked by the judge why he would kill, the serial killer responded,

"It fills me with energy."

He was charged with murder.

Did you hear about the serial killer that got killed in a standoff with the police in an ice cream shop?

He got what he dessert.

Apparenty we have a serial killer in our family.

All my Honey Nut Cheerios are gone.

What’s the difference between incels and serial killers?

Women won’t let incels anywhere near them

My grandpa always said that if you kill a killer, the amount in the world stays the same...

That's why I killed 2

A killer chases a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.

The three finds three potato sacks to hide in. The killer finds the sacks and decided to poke each one.
When the killer poked the brunette, the brunette goes “meow, meow.” Then the killer pokes the red head, and she goes “bark! bark!” Finally, the killer pokes the blonde in the potato sack and sh...

What makes a killer joke?

It's all in the _execution_

A mob drags a man into a police station for running over 13 people, while shouting "Murderer!" "Killer"

A mob drags a man into a police station for running over 13 people, while shouting "Murderer!" "Killer "
The policeman disperses the crowd and begins to interrogate the suspect.

The policeman :" Tell me what happened. "

The suspect :" Sir I was driving home within the speed limit ...

Did you hear about the serial killer train conductor?

I heard he had a loco-motive.

My friend was a violent serial killer...

Ended up getting caught some time back and sentenced to death by electric chair.

Fast-forward to day of execution.

Guard straps him in.

Guard: "Any last requests?"

Friend: "Remind me of buzzfeed clickbait articles 1 last time"

Guard: "The electric current is going ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the British serial killer say?

Cheerio, motherfucker.

A serial killer and his date are out for a walk in the woods

"Gee it sure is scary out here" she says

"How do you think I feel? I gotta walk out of here alone."

I was using Spotify and they have this killer punch line:

Congratulations,






you just discovered a premium feature. Pay to see more!

Why are there no pain killers in the jungle?

Because parrots-eat-em-all!

I got a buddy who’s a serial killer.

He’s one of those that likes to kill folks and use their skin as clothes. Obviously a real creepy guy, but he’s also exhausting to be around. So, I stopped hanging out with him once he started to wear me out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of contract killer has two butts?

An assassin

I’ve been looking for 3 years to find my wife’s killer.....

I still haven’t found anyone to do it

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are running from a serial killer

Frightened for their lives, they run into an alleyway and try to catch their breath.

"Quick!" says the brunette. "We have to hide!"

Wasting no time, the three girls run around the alleyway to find something to hide in. The redhead finds three human-sized bags and tosses them to her fri...

Police have warned that the Sudoku Killer is still at large and making threats

He will kill either 1, 4, or 9 people today

Why does killer whale feces smell so good?

Because it's shampoo.

TIL there was once a serial killer that created his own language involving clicks and taps.

He called it “Remorse Code”.

Did you hear about the big booty serial killer woman who bought too many drinks at the bar for her victim?

She had the drunk in the trunk!

I Was Chased By a Serial Killer

He backed me into a corner. “There’s nothing you can do! You’re about to die!”

“You sound just like my doctor!”

The killer panda

A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders food, eats it, shoots the waiter, and begins to walk out. The bartender yells to him, "You can't do that!" The panda bear replies, "It's in the dictionary."

So they look up panda in the dictionary, and it says, "Panda: eats shoot and leaves."

The police caught a serial killer who targeted gingers.

At his trial, he kept insisting he'd never harmed a soul.

I was trying to console the wife of a serial killer who committed suicide.

I said, “Hey, at least he died doing what he loved.”

A serial killer who was known for taking body parts as trophies

A serial killer who was known for taking body parts as trophies was captured after attacking a uniformed police officer and severing her arm. When asked why he went after the officer despite knowing the danger, he simply replied, "It was a wrist I was willing to take."

What is a serial killer's favourite muesli topping?

Chopped dates!!

(first joke I've ever come up with)

A man gets pulled over for speeding

The police officer walks up to the car and asks the man why he got pulled over.

"Yeah, I was speeding, I always drive a bit faster after I've had a few beers"

The cop was stunned, "you mean to tell me that you were under the influence of alcohol?"

"Yeah I needed something to eas...

What's a serial killer's favorite kind of party?

The search party

I, for one, support these crazy killers dressing up like clowns.

It was a lot harder to see them coming when they were dressing like cops.

A serial killer is chasing 3 young women through a farm

The three young women are a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The three women run into a barn and find three barrels to hide in. The brunette jumps into a barrel labeled "chicks". The redhead into a barrel labeled "kittens", and the blonde into one labeled "potatoes".

The serial killer foll...

The police just found a pizza topped with human noses in a serial killer's fridge.

It was a Dahmer nose pizza.

Today I found out my buddy Vlad is a serial killer...

...so I said: "Vladizlav, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more..."

Did you hear about the NHL official that was arrested as a serial killer?

His name was Referee Dahmer.

Told my girlfriend that I've started writing a book about a serial killer that murders his lover.

She said, "That sounds exciting. I love thrillers."

I said, "It's not a thriller, it's an autobiography."

For the past six years I've been trying to find my mother-in-law's killer...

...but nobody wants the job.

(Courtesy of Steve Pemberton & Reece Shearsmith)

What are a serial killer's clothes made from?

Paul E. Ester

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Serial killer picks up a Rapist hitchhiking...

"*Hey, drop me off in that.....Dark alley right there....*"




"*.....I was planning on it.....*"

I've searched high and low for my brother's killer

but nobody is willing to do it.

There is a serial killer currently on the loose

He has been murdering people with knitting needles. Police think he is following some kind of pattern.

They say one friend out of every group has the potential to be a serial killer....

So I threw Dave off a cliff just in case it was him.

How do you stop serial killers?

Just arrest one of them, and all of them stop.

This wouldn't work if they were parallel killers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What comes after a boner killer?

A mourning wood.

What do a serial killer and a prolific gardener have in common?

Both of their sheds are filled with hoes.

What's the difference between a killer whale and a killer dolphin?

One doesn't have to hide the bodies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the reformed serial killer that murdered prostitutes by stabbing them with car keys?

He did the ho key pokey then he turned himself around.

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