A bad workman blames his fools...

EDIT: *tools

stupid keyboard.

“Poor old fool.” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

I got an email from a Nigerian Prince asking me for $100,000 to help him build a business and in return I am promised 10 fold. What does he think I am a fool?

I already invested in a Prince from Qatar for half the price last week. Sucker can’t scam me.

How do you fool an idiot

-Put him in a circle room
-Tell him to sit in the corner

A lady went to fake her death to fool her boyfriend, she bought some jam and prepared...

The boyfriend came home and immediately knew she was faking it.

The lady frowned and asked "How did you know?"

The man chuckled lightly and said "you used blueberry"

Everyone in Hawaii is mad about the malfunction of the early warning system. Those fools.

Hawaii **IS** the early warning system.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Drunken Fools

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State
Building. One turns to the other and says: "You know last
week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this
building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds
around the building are so intense tha...

Why can’t you fool an aborted baby?

Because it wasn’t born yesterday

My wife told me I was a fool to build a car out of spaghetti.

>**You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.**

A state trooper pulls over a farmer...

A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he ...

Little Johnny was 5 years old and born blind.

Little Jonny was 5 years old and born blind. One evening as his mother puts him to bed she says to him, "Jonny, tomorrow is a very special day: if you pray extra hard tonight God will grant you the miracle of sight". Super excited, Jonny jumps back out of bed, clasps his hands together and begin to ...

April Fools!

girl: babe I'm pregnant you're the father

guy: can't fool me it's April's Fools Day!

girl: haha! got me! you're not the father

April Fools Day............

The day every newspaper tries to fool readers by sneaking in at least one properly researched, factually correct story.

Trumps wall is fool-proof...

Take china for example, they've had a wall for 2000 years and still no mexicans.

What's the worst part about April Fools?

Jokes without punchlines

Why is World Autism Day after April Fools’ Day?

Because it takes longer for them to get the joke.

What’s the only difference between Valentine’s Day and April fools?

I don’t get my hopes up when April fools comes around

Wife asks the husband, who's the fool - you or me?

The husband calmly replies, while sipping his coffee, "honey, everyone knows you are way too smart to marry a fool"

Edit - I swear the joke was hilarious in the language I translated it from.

CNN Made a Joke Article for April Fools

Just another day in the office.

Doctors have the most fun on April Fools.

Doctor: "i'm sorry to say you've got lung cancer."


Patient: [tearing up] "oh god, no!"

Doctor: "Sorry to say it because it's not true, lol April Fools!"

Patient: [angry] "What the hell?"

Doctor: "Yeah, pranked you, the cancer's in your pancreas."

What was the worst april fools day joke?

Well logan paul was born in 1995.

I piy the fool

Yes, I missed a t

I ran into a celebrity while walking down Hollywood Boulevard. He had a mullet, tons of jewelry, and was yelling, “I piy the fool!”

I said, “Hey, you missed a t.”

Someone told me I am an imperfect fool.

I feel more like a complete idiot.

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Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice,

shame on your mother for raising such a little cunt

I was at the bar the other night and overheard three women talking in what sounded like Scottish accent. So I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three ladies from Scotland?” One of them turned red when she heard me and said, "It’s Wales you fool!” So I apologized and replied,

"I do apologise, Are you three whales from Scotland?"

credit: u/Brailledit

Can you call the British PM a fool?

During WW II, a man was arrested in London for calling Winston Churchill a fool.

The next day in the House of Commons, the opposition members were ready to roast the government for this. "Are we living in a police state", they shouted, "where we cannot call the PM a fool"?

Churchill's ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've always wanted to fool around with another guy...

But I guess I'm not cocky enough. Or maybe I just haven't found the balls to do it.

“A fool does last what a wise man does first.” -unknown

Looks like my chances of getting laid improve dramatically the older I get. Sweet!

To make a fool love you, praise their intelligence...

...but you already knew that, because you're so intelligent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

143 year old troll

I found this history text book from 1873 at a flea market today, and it’s super old school. On page 23, there is a thing that says “look on page 150” in pencil in the top margin- so I go to page 150 and the guy had written “you are a fool for looking”. Fuckin got me bro. Trolled me 143 years in the ...

What’s the name of Mr. T’s girlfriend?

April, fools

I hate to sound like a conspiracy theorist here, but are we truly to believe that the Titanic sunk after being hit by an iceberg?! Do they think we're stupid fools!?

I've been throwing lettuce at the window for hours now and it hasn't even scratched, let alone put a hole in it.

She said, "boy, I know you got ulterior motives. You can't fool me." I told her, "nah, girl I got one clear motive."

^to ^fill ^this ^ever-deepening ^void ^of ^loneliness.

Want to know how to keep a fool in suspense?

I’ll tell you tomorrow.

Did you know the first Easter and ther first April Fools Day coincided as well?

The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!

(I feel like I should put a note here: this is not to mock religion... It's just a joke. If this offends you please get a sense of humor.)

I felt like a fool when I bought David Bowie tickets for my son and then remembered that he died last year...

Even more so when I remembered that David Bowie died too.

For April fools my girlfriend replaced my alphabits with Cheerios.

I have no words to say how angry I am.

Which high-ranking Cardassian did Sisko find easiest to fool?

It wasn't Gul Dukat... it was Gul Ebahl!

There were two fools and one boss

Boss told the fools to go and steal money from a random house.He told them that if the fence is tall then dig under,if the fence is short then jump.

Two hours later the fools came back with empty hands.

Boss asked them:"Where is the money?What happened?"

Fools replied "There was...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you fool an Archaeologist?

Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it's from

Today is April Fools day so question everything and trust no one.

Basically...it's reddit day.

Easter this year is April Fools Day

Just remember that so you don't fall for any crazy stories like people coming back from the dead.

I just ran over my dog.

April fools! I don't know whose dog it was.

As an April fools joke, I told my SO that I was pregnant...

...sadly she didn't fall for it.

Here’s a joke you can fool almost any kid and some adults with.

Not the usual brand of joke seen here but I wasn’t sure where better to share it.

Anywho, choose your victim and say to them “I’ll bet that I can make you say the word blue.”

If they accept the challenge ask them the colors of the American flag. However they answer, assuming they were...

The last time Easter fell on April Fool’s Day...

...Jesus tricked everybody by making them think he was dead for two days.

This April fools, I decided to swipe right on only the ugly people on Tinder and then burn them.

Still no matches.

"Stalin is a fool!"

A man yelled in Red Square. He was arrested by the secret police and sentenced to 25 years. He was given five years for insulting the head of state, and 20 years for revealing classified information.

You can't fool me. I know chicken fried rice isn't real.

You expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice?

How do you get a fool to read something?

Mark it as NSFW

The president of the Greek football club PAOK invaded the pitch with a gun yesterday, what a fool..

Only the goalkeeper is allowed to use his arms..

Fool me once, shame on you Fool me twice, shame on me

Fool me three times, you probably promised me a good Star Wars game.

"I'm not a fool..."

An illiterate man loses his cheque book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.

Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your cheque book, because anyone can forge your signature.

Man: I am not a fool... I already signed all the cheques, so there is no space to forge my...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first mathematician orders a beer.


The second orders half a beer.


"I don't serve half-beers," the bartender replies.


"Excuse me?" asks mathematician #2.


The bartender remarks, "What kind of bar serves half-beers? That's ridiculous."


"Oh c'mo...

A fool proof way to never feel lonely.

If you're ever feeling lonely, watch a horror movie. You won't feel alone anymore.

I've developed a FOOL-PROOF, GUARANTEED method to lose 5 pounds or more in only MINUTES, and to keep it off PERMANENTLY!!!

Find out more in my new book, "The Idiot's Guide to Self-Amputation."

"All STEM graduates are ignorant fools who know nothing beyond their field!" Proclaims a journalism major, and an STEM graduate nodded in agreement

while nodding, the STEM graduate took the coffee handed to him by the journalism major, then walked out of the starbucks and back to his Mercedes.

April fool!

While at work, right in a quite important meeting of some sort, Rick's mobile phone rings. Anxious because he knows what might be the reason behind this call, he answers the phone, only to jump up some seconds later, breathlessly take his coat and hat, squeaking some excuses to his smiling boss, has...

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and raises his voice to the crowd of drinkers.

He shouts, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin' fools. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back to back."
The room is quiet and no one takes of the Texan's offer.
Paddy gets up and leaves the bar. Thirty minutes later, he shows back up and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's an old saying: "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me..."

But there's an even older saying: "Far'uzz Balzekai, enoch di vel marraz; sich bu ma'zz vi kundekarr di terra bra'zz." *Awaken Balzekai, demon lord of the underrealm; serve your master and bring terror upon the mortal world.*

I guess what I'm really trying to say is... does anyone know how to...

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