I got an email from a Nigerian Prince asking me for $100,000 to help him build a business and in return I am promised 10 fold. What does he think I am a fool?

I already invested in a Prince from Qatar for half the price last week. Sucker can’t scam me.

I've once fooled an entire class filled with future Doctors, Lawyers, and scientists...

Of course they were all in Kindergarten so it wasn't hard

Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?

Because it wasn't born yesterday

A fool wearing an eye patch enters an archery contest

The contestants are told to hit the target in the distance. The guy wearing the eye patch picks up his bow, pulls back an arrow, and releases it. The arrow completely misses the target, goes in a totally different direction, and buries itself in the hat of one of the judges. The judge jumps up, shoc...

They say a fool and his money are easily parted, but...

Vacuum repair shops really are for broke suckers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear John, I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool - nobody can take your place. I love you.

All my love,
Belinda. xxxxoooxxxx
P.S. Congratulations on winning this week's lottery.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Devil tried to tempt me with a thousand naked women. I laughed and shouted "I'm homosexual you fool! Now, get thee behind me, Satan!"

...long story short, he got my soul.

Everyone in Hawaii is mad about the malfunction of the early warning system. Those fools.

Hawaii IS the early warning system.

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real 'miser' when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife...'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.'

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

April fools day is cancelled

as no made up prank could match the unbelievable shit going on right now

In class, my statistics teacher said, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math."

I shrugged and said, "Hell, anybody can win the lottery."

My statistics teacher smirked, folded his arms and asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?"

I said, "Yep. 100%. A person always wins."

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An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartend...

“Poor old fool.” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub.

A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and hanging a string into the puddle.
A curious gentleman came over and asked what he was doing. "Fishing", the old man said simply. "Poor old fool", the gentleman thought, and he invited the ragged old man to a drink in the pub.

He felt he ...

A bad workman blames his fools..

EDIT: *tools

stupid keyboard

What is more dangerous than being with a fool ?

Fooling with a bee.

Guys,don't be fooled by Hollywood

That place are filled up with paid actors

Aprils fools

A mom comes home from work on aprils fools and the lil bro runs up to her screaming mom mom bro hanged himself in the bedroom, petrified she makes a run for the bedroom and its empty. Turns to her kid in relief telling him that this is not the apropriate joke, while he says aprils fooooools, hes han...

Abram is coming home in grief and despair

His wife is asking what happened
\- *Oy vey iz mir!* \- he tells her - So much spending! So much money I am going to lose! Today our rabbi gave a speech: "For many years we are living among Russians but they still don't like us. And we don't even know why. I gave it many a thought and decided...

An elderly man visited his doctor and asked if he’ll live to be a hundred.

“Do you smoke or drink?” asks the doctor.

“Those things have never and will never touch my lips,” says the man.

“Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?”

“Nope, don’t believe in doing any of that, either.”

“Well then,” says the doctor, “what do you wan...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blind man walks into a lumberyard and asks for a job.

The manager looks at him and says, "what job could I possibly give you that you could do?"

The blind man says, "I can identify any wood by smell."

So, the manager decides to test him. He holds up a board up under the blind man's nose. The blind man takes one whiff and says, "Cherry. D...

As a lumberjack starts his chainsaw he hears the tree begin to cry. “Please don’t cut me down!” The tree pleads, “I’ll do anything!” The lumberjack says, “Fine! If you can solve this impossible riddle that has fooled some of the greatest minds from doctors, writers to philosophers, I’ll spare you.”

The tree was stumped.

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A Bacon Tree

Way back in the cowboy days, a wagon train was travelling West and hadn't seen anyone in days. One day, they came across an old Jewish man sitting under a tree, all by himself. The leader of the wagon went over to the Jew and said "Hey, what are you doing way out here?" The Jew replied, and told the...

Two fools leave home and head to a bar...

...when one of them realizes that he has worn mismatched shoes. Too embarrassed to walk in the open all the way back, he asks the other fool to go home and retrieve his only other pair.

Ten minutes later, the second fool returns empty-handed. "Where are my shoes?!" the first fool asks.
...

You know the fool-proof method to get your girl pregnant right?

Wait until the perfect Friday night and treat her real fine. I’m talking start with chocolate, flowers, the works. Dress in y’alls Sunday best and go to the best Italian place in town. Wine her and dine her then take her home. Take it slow but start getting her real hot. I’m talking wet enough to dr...

One day, Pete complained to his friend, “My head really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor.”

His friend said, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply tell it the problem, put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose it and tell you what you can do about the issue you’re having. It only costs $...

My colleagues took April Fools Day pretty seriously this year

Over a month and a half of going into the office and they're all still hiding from me

April Fool's day has been cancelled due to coronavirus.

Everything you'll hear is true.

James Potter and Sirius Black passed by each other in heaven.

James exclaimed, "Sirius, why are you here? Are you visiting?"

Sirius hung his head. "No, I actually died. Bellatrix killed me in the Department of Mysteries."

Potter just laughed. "What do you mean? You were a much better wizard than her. You can't fool me."

"I'm not kidding!" ...

Laws of physics vs the law

Heisenberg, Shrodinger and Ohm were driving down a highway when they get pulled over by a cop. The cop asks Heisenberg if he knew how fast he was going, as you can surmise, he claimed he didn't know because he knew exactly where they were. The cop, finding this suspicious asks them to open the t...

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A little girl runs up to her mother and says "mummy, daddy hanged himself in the basement!"

Upon hearing the news the mother breaks down in tears and, shakily, makes her way into the basement.

When they get there, the woman cannot see the father's corpse.
The little girl then exclaims "April fools! Daddy did it in the garage"

April's fool

What do you jokers think the April's fool joke would be in these uncertain times?

We're sorry to announce that April fools has been postponed.

Due to the recent coronavirus crisis, April fools has been postponed to May 1st, 2020.
Thanks for your cooperation.

Tee Pee a House on, April Fool's, 2020

Wouldn’t today, April Fool’s Day, 2020, be the best time to TeePee someone’s house?

The neighborhood will clean it up in four minutes.

In honor of the eve of April Fools Day... just remember that tomorrow you need to be cautious of many tweets and news reports because most of them will be lies and simply there to try and trick you. Believe nothing, and trust no one.

Just treat it like it's any other day.



Have fun!

Little Sally comes home from school munching on a big bag of candy...

Her mother says, "Where'd you get the money for that!?"

Sally laughs and says, "Little Johnny bet me five dollars I couldn't climb up the flag pole! I did it, and I won!"

Her mother shakes her head. "You dummy! He was just trying to get a peek at your panties!"

"Oh no!" Little ...

My wife told me I was a fool to build a car out of spaghetti.

>**You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.**

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A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender

I want you to give me 12-year scotch, and don't try to fool me because I can tell the difference." 

The bartender is skeptical and decides to try to trick the man with 5-year scotch. The man takes a sip, scowls and says, "Bartender, this crap is 5-year scotch. I told you I want 12-year scotch...

A woman wanted to know how her husband would react if she left him. She wrote him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore. She put it on the table in the bedroom and then climbed under the bed to hide until her husband got home.

When he eventually came back home, he saw the letter on the table and read it. After a few moments of silence, he picked up the pen and added something to the letter. Then he started to get changed, whistling happy tunes and singing and dancing while he did so. He grabbed his phone and dialed a numb...

I have an April fools joke going on with my landlord

I am not paying rent this April 1st hehe, don't tell him

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A school teacher, a police officer, and a hedge fund founder are trapped on a deserted island.

After scavenging for days with little success, they come across a magical lamp. The officer decides to give it a quick rub and out pops a genie.

"Hello, I am here to grant each of you an imperishable supply of food and water as you await your rescue. Be warned, it can only be consumed only ...

How do you leave a fool hanging on?

.
.
.
.
.
I'll tell you later

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The tale of Daniel Morgan

This is a tale of Daniel Morgan,
Who had a tiny sexual organ
This gave the girls a sudden shock
When they held his tiny cock,
He laboured hard to find a cure
And poulticed it with fish manure
He tied it up with bits of string
But still it was a poor wee thing
It was j...

I just thought of the ultimate April Fool's Prank. Let me spell it out for you.

I T O U T F O R Y O U

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Drunken Fools

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State
Building. One turns to the other and says: "You know last
week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this
building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds
around the building are so intense tha...

April Fool’s Day has been POSTPONED.

I’ll tell you the new date tomorrow.

I think the Stimulus Package is a sick April Fools joke.

It’s a Stimu-LIE!!!

Two drunk people are walking down a road.

The first one says, "What a beautiful night...look at that bright, full moon." The second man stops and looks at his drunk friends. "You fool, that's the sun, not the moon", he mumbles. Soon, they start arguing.

As they are arguing, they pass by another drunk man. They both stop his ask him,...

The Drunk

A man walks into a bar, orders a pint, drinks it, places the glass on the counter, turns to his right and says "You're a bunch of idiots" then he turns to his left and says "And you're a bunch of fools", then he leaves.

The next day, he walks into the bar again, orders a pint, drinks it, plac...

My wife told me she's leaving me over my only fools and horses obsession.

I said I'll get my suitcase from the van.

Quiche is like the fools gold of the baking world.

When you see it, you think it’s pie right?

My dad fooled me

We had a cable tie that didn't work it wouldn't lock, so he told me to get another one and Test it first. I did...... And due to the test it now was no longer any good as we coudlnt use it he just laughed a lot and said get another one

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heard in court.

An elderly lady was on trial for murder and the judge asked the woman to reitrate what had happend.

“Well, I had been on a date with this man, yes even at my age, and I asked him in for a cup of coffee. As we sat on the couch he put his arm around me.” The lady answered.

“That seems al...

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Young Timmy rushed out on Christmas morning

Young Timmy rushed out on Christmas morning, anticipating that he'd be getting a new Nintendo Console this year.

"Surprise!" shouted his parents. "We know you wanted video games, but we think you need to get outdoors more. We got you this set of fishing gear! Unfortunately, it was rather expe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Billy and his girlfriend wanted to fool around in bed, but Billy's little brother was asleep in the bottom bunk...

Billy said, "Let's use a code, so if little Johnny wakes up, he doesn't know what's going on. If you want me to go harder, say 'Tomato,' and if you want me to go faster, say 'Lettuce.'"
So Billy and his girlfriend started having sex. Billy's girlfriend started moaning, "Lettuce.... Tomato...." An...

Husband and wife are putting up Holiday decorations

when husband offers to hang the wreath. “But sweetums, you are inept and you have no tools,” says the wife. Husband shrugs and goes to Lowe’s to buy a hammer. He walks past a display for the new, Elf Steam Multi-Tool. The marketing was brilliant and it had a drill, three saws, and a sander - all wor...

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A man went out in the kitchen after hot sex with a blond woman

He went for a cold glass of milk

When he was about to drink, he looked down on his burning hot dick after sex and instead put his dick into the glass with cold milk

Out from the bedroom came the blond woman and said:

“You can’t fool me. I knew it had to be refilled”

Sweet Aroma

There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose...

A 70 year old man named George goes in for a doctors appointment.

All of his physical tests yield normal result, so the doctor asks George if he is feeling well mentally, which George replies he is. He is then asked if he has a good relationship with his god. George explains that when he gets up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, the light automatical...

A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee.

On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone, "Get me a coffee, quickly!"The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?""No," replied the trainee."It's the CEO of the company, you fool!"T...

I have been calculating the surface of the Earth in flat-earth point of view.

And they were right saying that the government had been hiding much land and the surface is actually larger. How else would they be able to walk that far to fool themselves.

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NSFW A guy and a girl are fooling around...

A young man and a young woman are fooling around when the young woman starts to feel a little more kinky than usual and asks the guy to use his toe on her. The young man shrugs and decides, Why not? and then proceeds to pleasure his girlfriend with his big toe.

The next day the young man wak...

A Swiss man goes to America

(This joke can be told using any nationality you want to make fun of, I’m telling it how my Swiss relatives told it to me)

A Swiss man is driving on the highway in America. At one point, he rear-ends an American car and they both pull over. The American walks over to the Swiss man, yelling ab...

Mario was sick of jumping around all day

He felt like he should be more politically involved. A few weeks ago, his friend Toad helped him set up a TV (mostly for watching trashy reality shows), but Mario became obsessed with US news networks. CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, you name it. He had heard before of American democracy, and found it prefera...

How do you bamboozle a fool?

(Spoiler hidden)

Why is World Autism Day after April Fools’ Day?

Because it takes longer for them to get the joke.

Freshman Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-Colo.)

What’s the old saying, “Better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and holster and remove all doubt.”???

If Donald trump knew the Democrats we're going to rig the election months ago and still couldn't stop them

Does that make their plan fool proof?

A joke for Halloween: why are vampires so easy to fool?

Because they're suckers.

Trumps wall is fool-proof...

Take china for example, they've had a wall for 2000 years and still no mexicans.

I took a girl home last night. We were fooling around, and she sighed and said, “You don’t have much experience removing bras, do you?”

Me: What gave me away?

Her: The scissors, mostly.

Wife asks the husband, who's the fool - you or me?

The husband calmly replies, while sipping his coffee, "honey, everyone knows you are way too smart to marry a fool"

Edit - I swear the joke was hilarious in the language I translated it from.

Can you call the British PM a fool?

During WW II, a man was arrested in London for calling Winston Churchill a fool.

The next day in the House of Commons, the opposition members were ready to roast the government for this. "Are we living in a police state", they shouted, "where we cannot call the PM a fool"?

Churchill's ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Translation attempt: A Mexican, an American, and a Canadian compete with the Devil to see who gets out of hell

The Devil tells the three of them that whoever can fool him gets out of hell.

The Canadian is first. He is a good guy who never plays jokes on people, so he takes out a coin and makes a pretty basic magic trick. The Devil vaporizes him.

The American is next.

He walks towards th...

I felt like a fool when I bought David Bowie tickets for my son and then remembered that he died last year...

Even more so when I remembered that David Bowie died too.

I piy the fool

Yes, I missed a t

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is looking for a job and sees that the local zoo is searching for a zookeeper.

He goes for it but the director has a negative answer: "I'm so sorry but we just hired someone for the job but if you want, I can offer you something else. Our gorilla died this morning and tomorrow is Saturday so I can't get another gorilla that fast. If you want, we have a gorilla costume and if y...

To make a fool love you, praise their intelligence...

...but you already knew that, because you're so intelligent.

I don't like that clown from IT.

He's always fooling around and cracking jokes instead of fixing our computers.

April Fools!

girl: babe I'm pregnant you're the father

guy: can't fool me it's April's Fools Day!

girl: haha! got me! you're not the father

April Fools Day............

The day every newspaper tries to fool readers by sneaking in at least one properly researched, factually correct story.

A lady went to fake her death to fool her boyfriend, she bought some jam and prepared...

The boyfriend came home and immediately knew she was faking it.

The lady frowned and asked "How did you know?"

The man chuckled lightly and said "you used blueberry"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old fisherman suspected his wife of cheating, so he hired a private investigator...

This is a long one, so bear with me.

The fisherman and his wife lived in Saint John’s, Newfoundland and he made his living by going out into the ocean to net cod under the watchful eye of his captain.

In those days, the best fishing was to be found far out on the banks very far from...

What's the worst part about April Fools?

Jokes without punchlines

Steve likes Flowers

Every week, he goes to a different florist in his city, and buys a different kind of flower, trying to find what looks and smells best. On this occasion, however, he struggles to find one that fits his vibe for the week. Seeing his struggle, the young florist walks up.

"Hi!" She says with a ...

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Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice,

shame on your mother for raising such a little cunt

A Blonde goes to a shop and selects a TV for purchase.

Blonde: Hey I would like to buy that Television!

Shopkeeper: Sorry! We don't serve blondes.

*The Blonde gets furious and leaves. She comes back with a brown wig the day after.*

Blonde: I'd like to buy that Television over there

Shopkeeper: Nice try with the Wig, but we do...

I ran into a celebrity while walking down Hollywood Boulevard. He had a mullet, tons of jewelry, and was yelling, “I piy the fool!”

I said, “Hey, you missed a t.”

I hate to sound like a conspiracy theorist here, but are we truly to believe that the Titanic sunk after being hit by an iceberg?! Do they think we're stupid fools!?

I've been throwing lettuce at the window for hours now and it hasn't even scratched, let alone put a hole in it.

One day, a shopkeeper put his dumb son incharge of his shop as he had to go out of town .

A customer comes in and asks, "Can I get a Tropicana Orange juice bottle?"

The son searches in the shop for sometime, sways his head and says, "No, we don't have a Tropicana Orange juice bottle."

That night, when the son tells this to his father, he angrily says, "Fool! We had minute m...

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Little boy runs to his mother yelling "Mommy, dad hung himself in the bathroom!"

Panicked mom runs to the bathroom only to see it's empty. "Haha Aprli Fools!" laughs the boy "He hung himself in the basement."

A lady goes into labour and is rushed to the hospital

She is in labour for hours and the birth is excruciating but eventually the baby comes out. The doctor taps the baby's bottom to get it to cry but nothing happens. The doctor then uses a little more force and smacks the baby's bottom harder but still nothing. The mother is getting extremely worried....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A British explorer sets out for an expedition into Africa...

This is a time when Europeans know very, very little about the "cannibalistic African savages," and the African tribesmen know even less about the ways of the white man. So, our explorer comes to Africa, hoping to disperse the clouds of mist, and after having to resort to employing firearms a few ti...

What did the first person to get "April Fooled" say?

Jesus! I thought you were dead!

As soon as Don Cappelli and his thugs entered Mario’s restaurant

...all of the guests immediately stopped what they were doing and quietly left. Don Cappelli’s face was very well-known around the city, and while he was ‘saving’ business after business from going bankrupt and helping families at their time of need, nobody dared ask where his money came from, nor d...

Want to know how to keep a fool in suspense?

I’ll tell you tomorrow.

Did you know the first Easter and ther first April Fools Day coincided as well?

The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!

(I feel like I should put a note here: this is not to mock religion... It's just a joke. If this offends you please get a sense of humor.)

For April fools my girlfriend replaced my alphabits with Cheerios.

I have no words to say how angry I am.

“A fool does last what a wise man does first.” -unknown

Looks like my chances of getting laid improve dramatically the older I get. Sweet!

Englishman a Scotsman and an Irishman are on a train compartment, drinking and being loud together. At the next stop an elderly priest and a beautiful woman get on and sit across from the three.

As the train gets under way, the priest looks at the three with distain and says, "Have ya any decency between ya? You three look like a right pair of fools, but I'll give 50 quid to any of you that can name the three main characters of the Bible." The Englishman pipes up and says, "The three Kings?...

Someone told me I am an imperfect fool.

I feel more like a complete idiot.

I was at the bar the other night and overheard three women talking in what sounded like Scottish accent. So I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three ladies from Scotland?” One of them turned red when she heard me and said, "It’s Wales you fool!” So I apologized and replied,

"I do apologise, Are you three whales from Scotland?"

credit: u/Brailledit

CNN Made a Joke Article for April Fools

Just another day in the office.

Doctors have the most fun on April Fools.

Doctor: "i'm sorry to say you've got lung cancer."


Patient: [tearing up] "oh god, no!"

Doctor: "Sorry to say it because it's not true, lol April Fools!"

Patient: [angry] "What the hell?"

Doctor: "Yeah, pranked you, the cancer's in your pancreas."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a boy was asked to think of three good quotes at school

he went home and asked his mother, she said “a fool and his money are soon parted”

he asked his father, he said “ask and you shall receive”

he asked his grandfather, who served the military, he said, “where the battle rages, there the loyalty of the soldier is proved”

he went ba...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've always wanted to fool around with another guy...

But I guess I'm not cocky enough. Or maybe I just haven't found the balls to do it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Betrayed

Perry was riding a cab when he saw the *Nun* that he likes very much



"I wish I could kiss that Nun" said Perry



"You could come back here later at 12 MN, I assure you she'll be praying at the back of the church." said the cab driver

"Are you sure?!" said Perry wit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mutiny on the high seas!

Three sailors are discussing their cargo

They are used to transporting goods and make a good living doing so, this time however they've been tasked with taking across the channel 300 crates of potatoes which were shaped like male appendages, and they all think it's a joke.

"We'll be a ...

Easter this year is April Fools Day

Just remember that so you don't fall for any crazy stories like people coming back from the dead.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm

He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"  Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire."  Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"  Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens."  Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"  Boy just laughs and keeps walking.  That evening at suns...

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