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Accomplice Jokes

I just found out that Murrah building domestic terrorist accomplice Terry Nichols is still alive at 67 years old.

OK Boomer

Accomplice?!?

When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law BEFORE the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice.

When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law AFTER the criminal has been arrested, we call him a defense attorney.

Two newfies are robbing a house

Two newfies (guys from Newfoundland) are robbing a house.

One of them is upstairs, and after dropping a big lamp, he hears the home's owner get up to investigate the noise. As he gets close, the robber goes "Miiaaowwww" imitating a cat, then he hears the guy grubling "God damn it, stupid cat"...

Why do miners make good accomplices?

They don't snitch. They're good at mining their own business.

An old high school friend of ours was arrested for helping out in a bank robbery.

We always knew..he would accomplice something some day.

If a person helps a thief before he steals something this person is called an accomplice and he will pay for this

if a person helps a thief after he steals something this person is called a lawyer and he will be paid for this

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A JFK conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven

When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him. "Welcome. You are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully."

Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, "Who really shot Kennedy?"

God replies, "Lee Harvey Oswald shot him from sixth floor ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was dragged into a white van in the middle of the street

He finds himself in an interogation room where he is being accused with treason, and he must tell on his accomplices. The man is definitely innocent. After a few hours the investigators bring this big Russian guy , Igor, and tell him to go down to the basement and fuck the guy in the ass until he co...

The valedictorian from my high school was convicted yesterday as an accessory to murder.

Everyone always said he would accomplice something.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and a small sword are both under arrest for sexual misconduct

A detective/ interviewer is being brought to the two sexual predators who are both in separate rooms. First he goes to the room with the man. The man is not constrained and is sitting on a chair. The detective peaks in the window to the room and asks the officer "What exactly did he do?" the officer...

Is it whisky?

Two Chinese men break into a Scottish Distillery. One turns to the other and says "is it whisky?". His accomplice turns to him and says "yes! But not as whisky as wobbing a bank".

Help needed to workshop owl-based joke.

With an accomplice it works fine, I'm trying to get it to work with any random. Here's the stage it's at so far.

Someone you know told me that you do a really good owl impression.

Who?

Oh, I thought it would be better than that.

The problem is that most people's initial r...

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