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A mob dragged a man into a police station for running over 11 people, while shouting "Monster!" "Murderer!" "Killer! ".

The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect.

The policeman : Tell me what happened.

The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to either crash the car into a group of 10 people or to swerve into th...

A racist, a murderer, and a wife beater walk into a bar

The bartender says, "what can I get you officer?"

A murderer is to be executed by an electric chair and the priest asks him if he has any last request.

The man asks for the priest to hold his hand. Needless to say, the priest was shocked.

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A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their minds.

"How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with...

They say that there is a potential murderer in every friend group

I suspected it was Dave so I killed him before he could harm anyone.

People say that I'm a murderer

but I can't be, some of my friends are alive..

A man murdered his wife and was sentenced to death.

There was a crowd waiting around the gallows to watch. As the hangman put the noose around his neck, he was asked, “Do you have any last words?”

The murderer said, “Yeah, I have a joke that I came up with while I was waiting.

“So, I hadn’t showered for a week by the day I killed my wif...

An ax murder is on a date with a girl, and he suggests a short cut through the woods to a special spot...

As they walk the sun starts to set.
The girl asks, “Are we almost there it’s getting dark?”
The ax murderer says they’re close and it’s just a little further up.

They keep walking and get deeper and deeper into the woods.
All of a sudden there is a howl in the distance!
The girl s...

A murderer, politician and religious man walks into a bar

and that's only the first guy

A murderer was playing poker in a shady alley.

"I choked someone to death" he said

The person next to him exclaimed "Ahh man! nothing can beat such a strong hand"

Murderer: I’m gonna kill you

Me:what’s the catch

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What do you call a murderer with two butts?

An assassin.

Cain, the first murderer, walks into a bar.

The bartender says "hey, you're new here, ain't'cha? We've got a promotion going on here; if you can land this ping pong ball in that cup over there, you get a free drink. up for it?"


Cain responds "Sorry, I don't think I'm Abel."

A murderer and a domestic abuser walks into a bar, the bartender then says

"What'll it be officer"

What do you call a murderer who goes camping?

Criminal intent

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A murderer, a sadist, an arsonist, a rapist, a zoophiliac, a necrophiliac, and a masochist were sitting in a room together.

"We should kill a pig," says the murderer. "We should set the pig on fire and then kill it", says the arsonist. "We should fuck the pig and then set it on fire and then kill it", says the zoophiliac. "We should torture the pig and then fuck it and then set it on fire and then kill it," says the sadi...

How do you tell murderers apart?

Their Serial Number

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A Tale of a Mental Ward

A sadist, zoophile, murderer, necrophile, pyromaniac, and masochist are in a mental ward together, talking to each other in order.

"I know what we should do, let's torture a cat!" said the sadist.

"After torturing the cat, let's fuck it!" said the zoophile.

"Torture it, fuck it,...

Where does a murderer ride his bike?

A cycle path.

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A Marine returns from duty in Iraq and is immediately reassigned to a remote location in Afghanistan.

That evening he arrives at his new post; a run down mosque in the middle of nowhere.

As he switches over with the marine currently stationed there, he realises there is no bed, no clean water, no toilet, just him, his weapon and the dirt on the floor.

The next morning he wakes up to fi...

what's the best place to hide if a murderer breaks into your house?

the living room.

I was eating a steak in my favorite restaurant, when a girl came to my table and shouted at me: "Enjoying your meat, murderer?!"

Seriously Rachel it was 15 years ago and your dad had a knife. Jeez.

What do you call a mass murderer on a bike?

A Cyclepath.

People keep avoiding me because they think I'm a heartless murderer, but I do have a heart.

Well, 28 to be exact.

Computer problems

I had a close friend who was tragically killed by an axe murderer. Strangely, I recently received a friend request from him on Facebook... I think he’s been hacked

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were being chased by an axe-murderer...

when they stumbled upon an old abandoned warehouse. Deciding that it was the safest place to hide, the three women entered the warehouse.

Along the back wall of the warehouse were three empty potato sacks laying on the ground. Thinking on their feet, each women got into a sack to hide from c...

Everytime i go out for a meal with my wife she's always like 'enjoying your meat... MURDERER!'

Like geez... Why can't she just forget the time i shot her mom

Does anyone know of any forums for fellow ax murderers?

We can share LifeHacks ...

I read somewhere that in every group of 10 friends, one of them would become a murderer at some point.

I pushed my buddy Dave off a cliff, as I had a feeling it would've been him.

Held up at gunpoint, Murderer asks if I have any last words

Murderer: “Well, what are they?”

Me: “Um, it’s a bit embarrassing”

Murderer: “Just spit it out, you’re about to be dead anyway”

Me: “Alright then. I’ve lived my life without a family, without a wife, and without any love. I have a good job, stable income, and even recently bough...

An antivaxxer, a child murderer, and a bioterrorist walk into a bar.

*walks

Home is Where the Heart is...

..And Other Confessions of a Murderer

What kinda murderer only kills in the mornings?

A cereal killer

What did the murderer say to his child as he pointed his vacuum cleaner at him?

Dyson.

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There's a sadist, a zoophile, a murderer, a necrophiliac, an arsonist and a masochist all sitting around a table in a mental institution.

Suddenly the sadist says, let's torture a cat. Then the zoophile says yeah let's torture a cat and then have sex with it. Then the murderer says, let's torture a cat, have sex with it and then kill it. The necrophiliac follows up with, let's torture a cat, have sex with it, kill it and then have sex...

What medicine is praised for being a murderer?

A pain killer

Three murderers are on death row. The day rolls around for their execution. The first man sits in the electric chair and the priest says...

“Any last words?” The murderer exclaims “I’m innocent!” They pull the handle, but nothing happens. The electricity doesn’t run. The priest, astonished, says “that’s a 1 in a million chance, it must be a sign from god. you have be telling the truth.” And the first murderer is free to go.

The s...

I'm a murderer

Others would kill to have my job

I went out for a nice, juicy, rare steak for lunch and my wife said "Enjoying your meat then, Murderer?"

I replied: "Can we not just have one lunch without you mentioning that time I shot your mother?"

I've always wanted to be a murderer...

Helping socially inept crows get together has always been a dream of mine

There were once two people.

Eim and Ep.

One day, they came across a wizard. After a lot of bargaining, the wizard agreed to grant them each one wish. Ep requested a loving family. Ep was granted a rebellious teen daughter, a wife, and a young son. Eim requested ownership of a toy factory with elf workers that he will tr...

Enjoy your meat! murderer....

... said Gina, the vegan girl to his boyfriend.

John: Oh God, not this again. Can't we have a quiet dinner without mentioning when I shot your mother?

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A sadist, masochist, arsonist and a murderer are sitting in a park next to each other.

A cat walks by and the murderer's instincts kick in:

"Lets kill the fucking cat!"

The sadist immediately disagrees:

"No lets torture it and THEN kill it!"

Arsonist chimes in:

"No! Come on you guys, lets torture it burn all its fur and THEN kill it!"

The maso...

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A sadist, a rapist, a murderer, an arsonist, a necrophile and a masochist see a cat in the street

The sadist proclaims loudly, "I want to torture that cat."

Not to be easily outdone, the rapist says, "I want to torture that cat and then fuck it."

Following suit, the murderer says "I want to torture the cat, fuck it and then kill it."

The arsonist says, "I wanna torture the c...

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A murderer a rapist and a cheater walk in a bar.

The bartender says, guys I told you a million times gillette stadium is next door.

I’ve dedicated my life to find my wife’s murderer.

If you can recommend someone, let me know.

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