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A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.

"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it a...

Jokes about murderers aren’t funny.

Unless they’re executed properly, that is.

Today I read that the average group of friends has 1 murderer...

Greg was acting very suspicious latetly so I had to kill him before he could do any harm.

Almost Murderer

*In jail*

Guy: "So what are you in for?"

Me: *Thinking back on trying to collect and breed crows* "Attempted Murder."

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A Marine returns from duty in Iraq and is immediately reassigned to a remote location in Afghanistan

That evening he arrives at his new post; a run down mosque in the middle of nowhere.

As he switches over with the marine currently stationed there, he realises there is no bed, no clean water, no toilet, just him, his weapon and the dirt on the floor.

The next morning he wakes up to fi...

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A mob dragged a man into a police station for running over 11 people, while shouting "Monster!" "Murderer!" "Killer! ".

The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect.

The policeman : Tell me what happened.

The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to either crash the car into a group of 10 people or to swerve into th...

A racist, a murderer, and a wife beater walk into a bar

The bartender says, "what can I get you officer?"

I wont let the load of one small murder weigh me down...

... because I'm a mass murderer.

What do you call a Reddit murderer?

An r-slasher

Five minutes after I'd picked him up the hitchhiker turned to me and asked whether I was at all nervous that he could be a murderer.

"Not at all", I replied. "What are the odds of both of us being killers?"

What's a mass murderer's favorite article of clothing?

Casual T's.

Robinhood was originally a child kidnapper and murderer

But with what's going on today, it appears he also takes their money.

They say that there is a potential murderer in every friend group

I suspected it was Dave so I killed him before he could harm anyone.

What kind of murderer has moral fiber?

A cereal killer.

A man murdered his wife and was sentenced to death.

There was a crowd waiting around the gallows to watch. As the hangman put the noose around his neck, he was asked, “Do you have any last words?”

The murderer said, “Yeah, I have a joke that I came up with while I was waiting.

“So, I hadn’t showered for a week by the day I killed my wif...

A murderer is to be executed by electric chair and the priests asks if he has any last request.

The man asks for the priest to hold his hand. Needless to say, the priest was shocked.

A murderer, politician and religious man walks into a bar

and that's only the first guy

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What do you call a murderer with two butts?

An assassin.

Murderer: I’m gonna kill you

Me:what’s the catch

A murderer was playing poker in a shady alley.

"I choked someone to death" he said

The person next to him exclaimed "Ahh man! nothing can beat such a strong hand"

I was eating a steak in my favorite restaurant, when a girl came to my table and shouted at me: "Enjoying your meat, murderer?!"

Seriously Rachel it was 15 years ago and your dad had a knife. Jeez.

Cain, the first murderer, walks into a bar.

The bartender says "hey, you're new here, ain't'cha? We've got a promotion going on here; if you can land this ping pong ball in that cup over there, you get a free drink. up for it?"


Cain responds "Sorry, I don't think I'm Abel."

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A murderer, a sadist, an arsonist, a rapist, a zoophiliac, a necrophiliac, and a masochist were sitting in a room together.

"We should kill a pig," says the murderer. "We should set the pig on fire and then kill it", says the arsonist. "We should fuck the pig and then set it on fire and then kill it", says the zoophiliac. "We should torture the pig and then fuck it and then set it on fire and then kill it," says the sadi...

A few years ago I had a proud (step)dad moment I think this sub will like..

This was right after picking her up from preschool. She was usually a bit grumpy and I always tried to be fun and keep the drive home more upbeat.

 

Her: "I'm hungry."

Me: "Nice to meet you, hungry, I'm dad."

Her: "Ahhhhgh could you not say that anymore?"

...

What do you call a murderer who goes camping?

Criminal intent

How do you tell murderers apart?

Their Serial Number

What a murderer do in a delivery room?

Spawn camp

What do you call a mass murderer on a bike?

A Cyclepath.

A klansmen, a domestic abuser and a murderer walk into a bar...

The bartender asks “what’ll it be officer?”

what's the best place to hide if a murderer breaks into your house?

the living room.

An ax murder is on a date with a girl, and he suggests a short cut through the woods to a special spot...

As they walk the sun starts to set.
The girl asks, “Are we almost there it’s getting dark?”
The ax murderer says they’re close and it’s just a little further up.

They keep walking and get deeper and deeper into the woods.
All of a sudden there is a howl in the distance!
The girl s...

Where does a murderer ride his bike?

A cycle path.

Does anyone know of any forums for fellow ax murderers?

We can share LifeHacks ...

An antivaxxer, a child murderer, and a bioterrorist walk into a bar.

*walks

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were being chased by an axe-murderer...

when they stumbled upon an old abandoned warehouse. Deciding that it was the safest place to hide, the three women entered the warehouse.

Along the back wall of the warehouse were three empty potato sacks laying on the ground. Thinking on their feet, each women got into a sack to hide from c...

People keep avoiding me because they think I'm a heartless murderer, but I do have a heart.

Well, 28 to be exact.

I went out for a nice, juicy, rare steak for lunch and my wife said "Enjoying your meat then, Murderer?"

I replied: "Can we not just have one lunch without you mentioning that time I shot your mother?"

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There's a sadist, a zoophile, a murderer, a necrophiliac, an arsonist and a masochist all sitting around a table in a mental institution.

Suddenly the sadist says, let's torture a cat. Then the zoophile says yeah let's torture a cat and then have sex with it. Then the murderer says, let's torture a cat, have sex with it and then kill it. The necrophiliac follows up with, let's torture a cat, have sex with it, kill it and then have sex...

Everytime i go out for a meal with my wife she's always like 'enjoying your meat... MURDERER!'

Like geez... Why can't she just forget the time i shot her mom

I read somewhere that in every group of 10 friends, one of them would become a murderer at some point.

I pushed my buddy Dave off a cliff, as I had a feeling it would've been him.

What medicine is praised for being a murderer?

A pain killer

Three murderers are on death row. The day rolls around for their execution. The first man sits in the electric chair and the priest says...

“Any last words?” The murderer exclaims “I’m innocent!” They pull the handle, but nothing happens. The electricity doesn’t run. The priest, astonished, says “that’s a 1 in a million chance, it must be a sign from god. you have be telling the truth.” And the first murderer is free to go.

The s...

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A sadist, a rapist, a murderer, an arsonist, a necrophile and a masochist see a cat in the street

The sadist proclaims loudly, "I want to torture that cat."

Not to be easily outdone, the rapist says, "I want to torture that cat and then fuck it."

Following suit, the murderer says "I want to torture the cat, fuck it and then kill it."

The arsonist says, "I wanna torture the c...

I’ve dedicated my life to find my wife’s murderer.

If you can recommend someone, let me know.

There's a serial killer who only kills priests on a Sunday morning.

He's a Mass murderer.

I used to be a mass murderer...

But then I got a vasectomy.

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