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A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.

"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it agai...

A murderer was secured to the electric chair, about to be executed.

The chaplain approached him and asked, "Do you have any last requests?"

"Yes," replied the murderer. "Would you hold my hand?"

What did the axe murderer say when he was in a hurry?

Chop chop.

What do you call a murderer who can't speak?

Silent but deadly

What do you give the mass murderer who cured cancer?

The no-bail prize

Jokes about murderers aren’t funny.

Unless they’re executed properly, that is.

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A mob dragged a man into a police station for running over 11 people, while shouting "Monster!" "Murderer!" "Killer! ".

The policeman dispersed the crowd and began to interrogate the suspect.

The policeman : Tell me what happened.

The suspect : Sir I was driving home within the speed limit when my brakes failed. I had no choice but to either crash the car into a group of 10 people or to swerve into th...

a murderer joins a party

he killed the mood instantly

Did you hear about the murderer who wrote a really short autobiography in prison?

It was a life sentence

What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?

A mass murderer

A racist, a murderer, and a wife beater walk into a bar

The bartender says, "what can I get you officer?"

Five minutes after I'd picked him up the hitchhiker turned to me and asked whether I was at all nervous that he could be a murderer.

"Not at all", I replied. "What are the odds of both of us being killers?"

Almost Murderer

*In jail*

Guy: "So what are you in for?"

Me: *Thinking back on trying to collect and breed crows* "Attempted Murder."

What's a mass murderer's favorite article of clothing?

Casual T's.

They say that there is a potential murderer in every friend group

I suspected it was Dave so I killed him before he could harm anyone.

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A Marine returns from duty in Iraq and is immediately reassigned to a remote location in Afghanistan

That evening he arrives at his new post; a run down mosque in the middle of the mountains.

As he switches over with the marine currently stationed there, he realises there is no clean water, no toilet, just him, his weapon, the insects, and a pile of straw on the floor as a bed.

The ne...

A murderer is to be executed by electric chair and the priests asks if he has any last request.

The man asks for the priest to hold his hand. Needless to say, the priest was shocked.

A man murdered his wife and was sentenced to death.

There was a crowd waiting around the gallows to watch. As the hangman put the noose around his neck, he was asked, “Do you have any last words?”

The murderer said, “Yeah, I have a joke that I came up with while I was waiting.

“So, I hadn’t showered for a week by the day I killed my wif...

Robinhood was originally a child kidnapper and murderer

But with what's going on today, it appears he also takes their money.

I wont let the load of one small murder weigh me down...

... because I'm a mass murderer.

I was eating a steak in my favorite restaurant, when a girl came to my table and shouted at me: "Enjoying your meat, murderer?!"

Seriously Rachel it was 15 years ago and your dad had a knife. Jeez.

What kind of murderer has moral fiber?

A cereal killer.

I picked up a hitchhiker the other night on the way home from work.

He said "aren't you worried I'm might have been a murderer or something?"

I said, "what's the chances of there being two murderers in the same car at the same time??.

People say that I'm a murderer

but I can't be, some of my friends are alive..

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What do you call a murderer with two butts?

An assassin.

A murderer, politician and religious man walks into a bar

and that's only the first guy

A klansmen, a domestic abuser and a murderer walk into a bar...

The bartender asks “what’ll it be officer?”

Cain, the first murderer, walks into a bar.

The bartender says "hey, you're new here, ain't'cha? We've got a promotion going on here; if you can land this ping pong ball in that cup over there, you get a free drink. up for it?"


Cain responds "Sorry, I don't think I'm Abel."

what's the best place to hide if a murderer breaks into your house?

the living room.

How do you tell murderers apart?

Their Serial Number

What do you call a murderer who goes camping?

Criminal intent

Does anyone know of any forums for fellow ax murderers?

We can share LifeHacks ...

An antivaxxer, a child murderer, and a bioterrorist walk into a bar.

*walks

I went out for a nice, juicy, rare steak for lunch and my wife said "Enjoying your meat then, Murderer?"

I replied: "Can we not just have one lunch without you mentioning that time I shot your mother?"

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There's a sadist, a zoophile, a murderer, a necrophiliac, an arsonist and a masochist all sitting around a table in a mental institution.

Suddenly the sadist says, let's torture a cat. Then the zoophile says yeah let's torture a cat and then have sex with it. Then the murderer says, let's torture a cat, have sex with it and then kill it. The necrophiliac follows up with, let's torture a cat, have sex with it, kill it and then have sex...

I’ve dedicated my life to find my wife’s murderer.

If you can recommend someone, let me know.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were being chased by an axe-murderer...

when they stumbled upon an old abandoned warehouse. Deciding that it was the safest place to hide, the three women entered the warehouse.

Along the back wall of the warehouse were three empty potato sacks laying on the ground. Thinking on their feet, each women got into a sack to hide from c...

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A sadist, a rapist, a murderer, an arsonist, a necrophile and a masochist see a cat in the street

The sadist proclaims loudly, "I want to torture that cat."

Not to be easily outdone, the rapist says, "I want to torture that cat and then fuck it."

Following suit, the murderer says "I want to torture the cat, fuck it and then kill it."

The arsonist says, "I wanna torture the c...

There was this musician in North Korea

One day, he was called upon by Kim Jong-Un himself, to compose a piece of music and have the great North Korean Orchestra play it live to him in the humble auditorium. The man, not wanting to displease the great leader, did as asked.

The big night arrived, with the musicians stood at the fro...

Where does a murderer ride his bike?

A cycle path.

People keep avoiding me because they think I'm a heartless murderer, but I do have a heart.

Well, 28 to be exact.

Three murderers are on death row. The day rolls around for their execution. The first man sits in the electric chair and the priest says...

“Any last words?” The murderer exclaims “I’m innocent!” They pull the handle, but nothing happens. The electricity doesn’t run. The priest, astonished, says “that’s a 1 in a million chance, it must be a sign from god. you have be telling the truth.” And the first murderer is free to go.

The s...

What medicine is praised for being a murderer?

A pain killer

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