This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile, and a pyromaniac...

are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their minds.

"How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murder...

I sat down to eat my turkey sandwich and my wife yells, "Enjoying your meat, you murderer?"

I only wish one day goes by without her mentioning the time I killed her mother

A klansmen, a domestic abuser and a murderer walk into a bar...

The bartender asks “what’ll it be officer?”

Held up at gunpoint, Murderer asks if I have any last words

Murderer: “Well, what are they?”

Me: “Um, it’s a bit embarrassing”

Murderer: “Just spit it out, you’re about to be dead anyway”

Me: “Alright then. I’ve lived my life without a family, without a wife, and without any love. I have a good job, stable income, and even recently bough...

Does anyone know of any forums for fellow ax murderers?

We can share LifeHacks ...

Three murderers are on death row. The day rolls around for their execution. The first man sits in the electric chair and the priest says...

“Any last words?” The murderer exclaims “I’m innocent!” They pull the handle, but nothing happens. The electricity doesn’t run. The priest, astonished, says “that’s a 1 in a million chance, it must be a sign from god. you have be telling the truth.” And the first murderer is free to go.

The s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm a Psychopathic Murderer. I've killed hundreds. And I feel no remorse.

All these Ants need to get the fuck outta my house.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's a sadist, a zoophile, a murderer, a necrophiliac, an arsonist and a masochist all sitting around a table in a mental institution.

Suddenly the sadist says, let's torture a cat. Then the zoophile says yeah let's torture a cat and then have sex with it. Then the murderer says, let's torture a cat, have sex with it and then kill it. The necrophiliac follows up with, let's torture a cat, have sex with it, kill it and then have sex...

I was eating a steak in my favorite restaurant, when a girl came to my table and shouted at me: "Enjoying your meat, murderer?!"

Seriously Rachel it was 15 years ago and your dad had a knife. Jeez.

A murderer is to be executed by electric chair and the priests asks if he has any last request.

The man asks for the priest to hold his hand. Needless to say, the priest was shocked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] I took a girl back to my place last night...

...as I was fucking her on my bed, I pulled out a bottle of lube and said, "Do you mind if I put it up your arse?"

She looked at me and said. "Is it going to hurt?"

I said, "Probably, it's a big bottle."


[EDIT]: My top post ever is about sadism! Damn I love Red...

In the Asylum, there were a zoophiliac, a murderer, a necrophiliac, a pyromaniac and a masochist.

Then the zoophiliac said: "Lets get a cat and rape it". Then the murderer said: "Lets get a cat, rape it and kill it". Then the necrophiliac said: "we get it, rape it, kill it and rape it again". The pyromaniac said: " we get it, rape it, kill it, rape it again and then set it on fire".
Then all...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four guys are sitting in a jail cell, a zoophile, a murderer, a necrophile and a masochist

Zoophile: I'd so fuck a kitten right now
Murderer: I'd kill it
Necrophile: I'd fuck the corpse
Masochist: Meow\~

After months of detective work, police have uncovered the bodies of a number of missing persons...

These bodies which number in the dozens, were buried in the backyard of a suspected mass murderer. Upon investigation, the police found a series of mass graves. These holes had been dug up by the alleged killer, and contained dismembered body parts, including torsos, extremities, and decapitated hea...

My friend got arrested for saying he was an axe murderer.

Turns out he's just a really bad guitarist.

What is the differrence between a Saudi murderer and a Mexican murderer?

a few billion dollars.

Why do murderers hate injuries?

Because they can't be convicted while the jury is out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sadist, a rapist, a murderer, an arsonist, a necrophile and a masochist see a cat in the street

The sadist proclaims loudly, "I want to torture that cat."

Not to be easily outdone, the rapist says, "I want to torture that cat and then fuck it."

Following suit, the murderer says "I want to torture the cat, fuck it and then kill it."

The arsonist says, "I wanna torture the c...

We need a wall right now. There is a crazed horde of savages at the southern border just waiting to stomp our country flat. They are murderers and rapists and terrorists! And some might be good people.

Canada really needs a wall right now.

A murderer is being hanged for his crimes...

A murderer is being hanged for his crimes, one of the officers ask him,” Do you have any last wishes?” The murderer replies,” Yes, actually can I get a high five?” The police officer is confused but agrees, he then asks the murderer why he wanted such a weird last wish, the murder then replies,” I j...

What's the shortest biography you can write for a convicted murderer?

A life sentence.

Did you hear about how they caught the murderer in Bel Air?

They found some fresh prints at the scene

Q: what kind of murderer has moral fiber?

A: a cereal killer

A detective walks away from a crime scene "another cold blooded murderer"

"what's turning all these lizards to crime?"

A mob drags a man into a police station for running over 13 people, while shouting "Murderer!" "Killer"

A mob drags a man into a police station for running over 13 people, while shouting "Murderer!" "Killer "
The policeman disperses the crowd and begins to interrogate the suspect.

The policeman :" Tell me what happened. "

The suspect :" Sir I was driving home within the speed limit ...

I’ve dedicated my life to find my wife’s murderer.

If you can recommend someone, let me know.

What do you call a murderer who is also a fraud?

Jack the Rip-off.

A murderer breaks into the house of a husband and his wife

The murderer, whilst pointing a gun, asks the wife, "What's your name?!"
The wife replies, "Isabella! Please don't kill me!"
The murderer says, "Because Isabella is also my mother's name, I won't kill you."
He turns his weapons toward the husband and asks, "What about you! What's your name...

A murderer wants to get rid of the evidence

by throwing it into the local sea. However, there's a catch - the town's richest man owns a lot of property, including the sea and all its beaches. The rich man is somewhat paranoid of people trespassing on his property, so he has a private police force. The police are split into 4 teams, named Poli...

Why don't murderers often attend tea parties?

They prefer a casual tea.

Did you hear the joke about that murderer that plays with his victims intestines?

It's very twisted.

When you insult a deaf-mute murderer in sign language

...it's a deaf-sentence.

Did you hear they sentenced that murderer in Scotland?

He was found the kilty party

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you know the Japanese mass murderer was a chef?

He spent his day cutting up vegetables

Murderer: Any last words?

Me: Alexa, play Africa by Toto.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A murderer, a necropheliac, a pyromaniac, and a masochist are at a bus stop when a cat walks by...

The murderer says "lets kill it"

The necropheliac says "lets kill it then have some fun with the remains"'

The pyromaniac says "You sick bastard... lets pour gasoline on it and light it up"

The masochist says "meow"

I have a friend who’s a cannibal, but he’s a really great guy. He only eats murderers, rapists, and child molesters. He builds homes for the homeless. He volunteers.

He’s a real humanitarian.

Morgue Murderer Caught

The infamous Morgue Murderer was finally apprehended for his crimes of breaking into morgues and brutally slitting the throats of unsuspecting employees.

It turns out that it really never pays to cut coroners.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A zoophiliac, a murderer, a necrophiliac, a pyromaniac and a masochist are sitting together in a prison cell...

The zoophiliac looks around himself and muses:

"Damn, I wish there was a cat around here... ya know, we could... fuck the cat."

His inmates nod in agreement. The murderer then says:

"Or we could fuck it, and then kill it!"

The necrophiliac turns to the others and, grinni...

When trying to persuade the creation of Making a Murderer I bet the winning argument was...

they would make a killing from it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A murderer, a kleptomaniac, and a homosexual are standing before Peter at the Pearly Gates...

Just before Peter turns them away to burn for the rest of eternity. The murderer exclaims, "Holy Saint, give us another chance!"

Peter, in his mercy, thinks for a minute and decides, "Very well. I will send the three of you back to earth for a second chance, but the moment you commit your sin...

They say there is a murderer in every group

I thought it's jack, so i killed him before he could harm somebody.

The case of the Garden Murderer was dismissed

Apparently all the evidence was planted

I hate child murderers

They are young and small.

A liar, a murderer, and a cheater walk into a bar.

The New England Patriots must be in town.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sadist, a rapist, a murderer, a necrophiliac, and a masochist were all sitting together on a park bench...

...The sadist said "hey, I got an idea. Why don't we get a cat and torture it?" The rapist replied "yeah, we can torture it and have sex with it after!" The murder enthusiastically chimed in "and then we kill the thing!" and the necrophiliac added "yeah, and have sex with again after it's dead!" The...

A hindu murderer was diagnosed with cancer

He had murdered 7 children and knew he was going to be reincarnated as a moth due to bad karma.

So he reposted old jokes on reddit

On a hunch, I tried looking for the murderer at the corpse auction.

As soon as the auctioneer started it was a dead giveaway.

Sherlock Holmes turned to Dr Watson and announced: "The murderer lives in the house with the yellow door."

"Good grief, Holmes," said Watson. "How on earth did you deduce that?"

"It's a lemon entry, my dear Watson."

OJ's son must have been the murderer....

... because when he went to OJ that night to borrow his car keys, OJ said, "..go aXe your mother"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A zoophile, a sadist, a murderer, a necromaniac, a pyromaniac, and a masochist are sitting around...

And for some reason they are talking about cats.

The zoophile says, "let's get a cat and have sex with it".

The sadist agrees, "yes! Let's screw it and the torture it!"

Then the murderer chimes in, "we can fuck it, torture it, and then kill it!"

Next the necrophiliac says...

A zoophil, a murderer, a necrophiliac, a pyromaniac and a sadomasochist were gathered at a party

A zoophil, a murderer, a necrophiliac, a pyromaniac and a sadomasochist were gathered at a party. After a while they started to get bored, and the zoophile suggested they go out to find a cat they could rape. The killer was enthusiastic and suggested they kill it afterwards. The necrophilic was happ...

I've been hearing a lot about mass murderers lately....

It must be a scary time to be catholic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Friday evening a notorious murderer

has just escaped from Texas State Prison.
Police advise members of the public that they should not approach him at any costs, but report any sightings to their nearest police station.

Saturday afternoon, the convict surrender himself to police.

When asked why he gave himself up...

What do Chefs and Murderers have in common?

The best ones clean up after themselves

A lawyer, a tax-man and a murderer jump off a cliff in a race to the bottom. who wins?

society

Why does O.J. Simpson claim that he's not a murderer?

He's an ex-murderer.

Did you guys hear about the murderer who stole a train in Mexico?

They say he had a loco motive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Marine returns from duty in Iraq and is immediately reassigned to a remote location in Afghanistan.

That evening he arrives at his new post; a run down mosque in the middle of nowhere.

As he switches over with the marine currently stationed there, he realises there is no bed, no clean water, no toilet, just him, his weapon and the dirt on the floor.

The next morning he wakes up to f...

What do you call a person who sprays deodorant at people and chokes them?

An axe murderer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gods new reqirement to get into heaven.

God goes to Saint Peter and says "Pete there are too many people in heaven. I never expected this, so we need to add a new rule. The rule is that in order to get in you need to have had a really bad day the day you died. Got it?"
"Yes Sir" Peter replied.
With that God left and Peter called the...

What’s a non-religious crusader called?

A mass murderer you dumb dumb

r/jokes is holding a meetup.

Thousands of people come, and they need someone to organize them, so the oldest mod, u/Daleeburg, is chosen to host the event.

"Welcome, Redditors!" He begins as everybody settles in. "We have some very important speakers coming up. I would like to thank--" but u/Daleeburg never finishes his ...

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

\*Insert lisp\*
Because 7 was a math murderer

Robert Johnson, a CEO for a large corporation, is arrested and sentenced to 25 years in prison for white collar crimes.

On his first day behind bars, Robert nervously walks into the Chow Hall at lunch time and starts taking in the scenery. Realizing that he’s going to spend the next 25 years surrounded by murderers, rapists, and other violent criminals, he uncomfortably gets his tray of food and starts looking for a ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.