This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy named John Asshole goes to the courthouse change his name

The judge asks him: "What's your name?"

John was a ashamed of saying it out loud so he wrote his name down and passed it to the judge

The judge holds his laugh and asks him "Well, obviously your name must be changed. What name do you prefer to be called from now on, sir?"

"Mark ...

Girls, if a guy...

* Remembers your birthday
* Knows what you enjoy
* Saves your pictures
* Understands your family & friends

This guy is not your man, this guy is Mark Zuckerberg.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a guy named Nobody, a guy named Mark and a girl named Stupid.

Stupid and Mark were dating. Nobody fell from the window while cleaning it so Mark called 911 and said: "Nobody fell out of the window!".

Operator: "Are you fucking Stupid?".

Mark: "No I fucked her yesterday".

Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears.

11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

My wife asked me why I was speaking so softly at home. I told her I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening!

She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed. Siri laughed.

28 consonants, 3 vowels, a question mark and 1 comma went to court.

They're awaiting their sentence.

I'm still upset they marked me wrong on my 7th grade history test on the question "what did they set up during the French Revolution?"

I maintain that "lots and lots of guillotines" is technically correct...

What was Mark Zuckerberg's favourite game to play as a child?

iSpy.

Facebook is set to release its own webmail client...

...emails will be flagged as "Mark has read"

Mark donated 100 chairs to the community center.

It was a very charitable act.

Q: Why do we write a question mark at the end of a question?

A: So we don't have to write Q: at the front.

What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and Jean Luc Picard?

Picard didn't sell Data

What sort of grades did Tommy Wiseau receive in school?

Oh, high marks.

This week in DC, Mark Zuckerberg is currently doing the hardest thing imaginable.

He’s explaining Facebook to old people.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mark and John were in a movie teather when one of them see a bald guy.

- Hey john. - Mark said - what do you give me if i go to that bald guy and slap his head?



- You won't do that. I dare you, i'll give you a 100 bucks.



So Mark walks up from his chair to the bald guy and give him a big fat loud slap on the back of his head and say: HEY M...

A Kid says to Mark Zuckerberg...

Kid:. My Dad says Facebook knows everything and that your spying on people.

Mark: He's not your Dad...

Mark Zuckerberg is really upset that Facebook is about to be fined $5 billion by the FTC for misusing users’ personal data.

Please respect his privacy at this challenging time.

What’s a prisoners favorite punctuation mark?

A period, it marks the end of a sentence

Why did Marvel fire Mark Ruffalo?

They don't need him. After all, hulk is just a big banner.

Two friends Mark and Jack walk into the woods

Once inside, they find a lamp and rub it. Out comes a genie,"If you show me something that I've never seen before, I'll fulfil your every wish, but if that's not the case, I'll stick it up your ass."

All of them go searching. A few hours later, Mark shows up with a branch from a rare tree. Th...

Doctor: Relax, Mark. It's just a small surgery, don't panic.

Patient: But doctor, may name is not Mark.

Doctor: I know. I'm Mark.

X marks the end of the alphabet...

...very badly

To the prick who stole my glasses... mark my words...

I have contacts.

Should we replace the exclamation mark (!) with the sign for resistance (Ω)?

Coz oh-me-gaaaa wd.

What is mark zuckerbergs favorite videogame

Detroit become human

A pastor is finishing up his sermon on sunday morning...

"In preparation for my sermon next week, I want you all to read Mark chapter 17. You are dismissed." So next week everybody comes back to church. After singing a few hymns, the pastor comes to the pulpit.

"How many read Mark chapter 17 like I said last week?" Everyone raised their hand. The ...

What kind of dog leaves a permanent mark?

A Shar Pei

Growing up my grandma loved reading me Mark Twain. It combined her to favorite activities,

Spending time with her grandson and using the N word.

A student receives a bad grade on his exam

And he goes to talk to the teacher, convinced that he's been graded unfairly.

He says to the teacher "I think I deserve some points on these questions, even if my answers weren't entirely correct!"

The teacher sighs and says "ok, I'll take another look at your exam".

The student...

Mark Zuckerberg published “a privacy-focused vision” for Facebook today.

Oh wait, it’s not April 1.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was standing next to an Eskimo having a piss I asked, “What are those marks all down your penis”

He said, “They’re from my wife’s teeth chattering".

Today marks 10 years...

...since I didn't forward that mail chain that got me bad luck. It's on now

How does the Prague mafia mark its territory?

With a Czech mark

Never bring Mark Ruffalo into the dairy Aisle

He'll spoil everything

Mark Zuckerberg

Mark : we need 1000s of people's image so that we can fetch the data for the AI but we are running short on money this time. Any inputs?

Consultant 1: get the info from Apple's AI

Consultant 2: XoXo rofl! let's create a #10yearchallenge

Mark :

consultant :

Mark ...

How many chargers does Mark Zuckerberg carry when he travels?

Three. One for his laptop, one for his phone and one for himself.

Ray Kroc, Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates walk into a bar.

The owner turns his back for a second and lost his bar.

I did an essay on The Room.

For school, I had to write an essay based on a film, so I decided to do it on "The Room". I think I did well, because I got a hi mark.

What movie features Mark Hamil, Carrie Fisher and Han Solo surrounded by garbage?

The Force Awakens

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Physics Student

Some time ago, I received a call from a colleague who asked if I would be the referee on the grading of an
examination question. He was about to give a student a zero for her answer to a physics question, while the student
claimed she should be given a perfect score and would, if the system we...

Mark has several qualities that make him an ideal candidate for cloning

He’s remarkable

THE SIN OF LYING

A minister told his congregation, “Next week, I plan to
preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my
sermon, I want you to read Mark 17.”
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon,
the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know
how many had...

When I was young my English teacher said to me "you'll never amount to anything in life". I said "mark my words"

"...that's your job."

Mark Zuckerberg says he wears a grey t-shirt everyday because he doesn't want to waste time on things that don't matter.

He runs Facebook.

People are always so confused when I say Mark Zuckerberg is a small business owner.

I just don't understand it. I mean, look at the guy; he's 5'7!

Mark Twain- “A plan for the improvement of the English language”

For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet.

The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later.

Year 2 might reform...

When I was in school every classroom had a chalkboard. Now every classroom has a whiteboard.

They are remarkable.

A man walked into a bar and sees Julius Caesar and Mark Antony...

A man walked into a bar and sees Julius Caesar and Mark Antony sitting at a table. He walks up to them and asks what they’re doing. Caesar says "We're going over plans to expand the Republic." The man asks what their plans are. Caesar says “we’re going to kill 2 million Gauls and a Jew.” The man ask...

What did the robot pirate say to Mark Zuckerberg?

A.i Captain

Mom: Son, why dont you talk to Mark anymore? You used to be best friends.

Son: Well would you talk to someone who is stupid, uses drugs and is an alchocolic? Mom: Of course not. Son: Well neither would he.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[nsfw] A girl visits the doctor with a large H shaped mark on her breasts

The doctor was surprised and asked her how it happened. She replied "My boyfriend got into Harvard and was so excited he made love to me in his sweater". The doctor gave her a cream and told her to apply for a few days and the mark will disappear.

The next day, another girl came in with a Y ...

Me: Yesterday my wife ran away with my best friend Mark.

Another friend: Since when was Mark your best friend?

Me: Since yesterday.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex competition

An Englishman and a Spaniard are in a bar in Amsterdam at midnight when they start bragging to each other about their sexual escapades. After several minutes of back and forth, the Englishman challenges the Spaniard to a contest.
"We'll go to the nearest brothel and see how many times we can shag...

There were a few marks in the road.

So I told them to get out of the way.

If 666 is the mark of the beast...

... and the beast is pure evil wouldn't 25.8069758011278803 technically be the root of all evil?

What would Mark Zuckerberg add to the game, if he created MineCraft?

Data.

So he can mine it.

Why did Mark Zuckerberg only need a sip of water?

Zucculents are excellent at storing water and can thrive in arid climates.

What’s Mark Zuckerberg’s favourite recreational sport?

Fishing

I’ve been sleeping with this other guy’s wife, he found out and sent me a text the other day that said, “You go near my wife again and ill kill you. Mark my words!”

I replied, “8 out of 10. I’ll needs an apostrophe and a capital ‘I'”.

A man went to a tattooist and requested a tally mark on his back

Every couple of weeks, the same customer came in, always requesting the same tattoo: an additional tally mark on an ever-growing cluster of tally marks. One day, the tattooist decides to ask: "What are you counting?"

The man says: "The number of tattoos i've gotten"

I walked into a library and asked the librarian, "do you have a bookmark?"

He replied, "Of course I have a book, this is a library!"

When will mark zuckerberg die?

January 19 2038 of course

Mark zuckerberg and i were in a band once. We gave him a choice to play the melody, the harmony, or display our newsfeed in chronological order.

But no matter how much we didn't want him to, he kept insisting, "I'll go rhythms. "

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One baaaaaaad mistake

One day an 85-year-old man is taking a stroll around his hometown, which he has lived in for his whole life. As he sees the landmarks, homes, and streets from his youth, he starts reminiscing....

"I remember helping build that bridge when I was 25. I worked hard on that. But people won't call...

In a recent interview, Mark Zuckerburg's wife stated she wasn't bothered at all about being married to a lizard person.

But rather, she only took issue when Mark would drink heavily and behave erratically, calling it a reptile dysfunction.

A man visit the doctor with terrible burn marks on his ears

A man visits the doctor to look at the burn marks on his ears.

“How did you manage to get these burns?” the doctor asks.

“I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang, and in my haste I put the iron up to my ear.” the man replies.

“But you burnt both of them!” the doctor says con...

Donald Trump, the Pope, Mark Zuckerberg, and a schoolboy are on a plane...

Suddenly, they hit turbulence. The pilot, telling them that the plane is going to crash, grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane. There are only 3 parachutes left, so Mark Zuckerberg says, "I am worth over 50 billion dollars," and jumps out of the plane. Trump says "I am the smartest man in the...

John and Mark were high school friends

They meet on the street after not seeing each other for a few years.
John: Mark, my buddy! How have you been??
Mark: Not too stellar, but nevermind that, you look glowing! What happened?
John: (excitedly) I bought an elephant!
Mark: And what's so great about an elephant?
Joh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not tonight dear, I have a headache

A Married couple at a Zoo walks past a gorilla enclosure.

Says the woman: 'Mark, Do you know that gorillas are the only animals which resemble men in their behavior?

Look, seeing that no one is looking, I'll expose one of my breasts 2 it & see how horny it gets just as men do.'
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the skid mark say to the toilet bowl?

I'm gonna get pissed off in a minute.

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the dog.

I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.

I expect a long sentence.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.