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A recent college graduate decided to turn to prostitution

Due to his huge student loans and low salary, so he placed a large sign that read:

One sexy time on the floor: 25$

One sexy time on the couch: 50$

One sexy time on the Bed: 100$

Then an old lady sees the sign and quickly runs to the bank makes a quick withdrawal and goes ...

“You know, I think it’s your turn to pick wild mushrooms.” My girlfriend said.

So I gather.

What did the colonists say to the British when it was their turn to attack?

Europe!

I had to turn to Google for help with a crossword puzzle.

I had to turn to Google for help with a crossword puzzle. The clue was "Dishonestly gaining a advantage," eight letters.

I immediately felt bad for looking it up, that was cheating.

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My turn to translate a joke (from french)

So the school inspector enters a spanish course, and takes a sit in the back of the room, next to little Johnny.

The class begins, and the spanish teacher asks :
“Who can translate this sentence?” and writes the sentence on the board : “Mi perro es moreno”

Only little Johnny is rais...

Who's the one person Medusa cannot turn to stone?

Dwayne Johnson

After a long, restful night of sleep I always turn to my wife in the morning and say “Hello, Jerry”.

Because I feel like a New man.

When does a joke turn to a dad joke?

When the Punch line becomes a parrent

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Why does everything turn to shit after the British take over it?

Because its colon-ization.

What does Tom do before it's his turn to sing?

Tom Waits.

Little jimmys mom told him that if he ever did a bad thing as punishment he would turn to stone....

One day jimmy went down to the pond with him friend Billy to fish when they saw a beautiful woman naked swimming in the pond the two kids watched in awe when suddenly jimmy ran away scarred

Jimmy ran home to his mom crying saying "sorry I did a bad thing!" "What did you do asked jimmy's mom?...

My joke about a sequence of people awaiting their turn to get some fruit juice, got me banned from /r/jokes...

...because I put the punchline in the title...

Two guys are sitting on the bench at fencing class waiting for their turn to spar while watching a couple others practice on the piste

Guy1: You see the guy on the left there? I bet he's got a lot of karma on reddit.

Guy2: Wow! How can you tell?

Guy1: The only thing he knows how to do is riposte.

Real - Trying to teach my puppy basic commands and turn to reddit for help...

"Obedience Training" and "Training your dog to come on command" are NSFW topics.

I told my wife that it was her turn to shovel and salt the front steps.

All I got were Icy Stares.

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I was eating at a nice dinner last night and realized that we spend a lot of money on something that is just going to turn to shit.

But enough about my romantic relationships.

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This may be why Teachers retire early or turn to drinking: the following questions were in a (UK) GED (grade 12 equivalent) examination (they are genuine answers):

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head. Once an Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head.

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. In a democratic society, how impor...

How did the shy child turn to stone?

By becoming a little bolder.

Girl: You know that feeling you get when you think you're being watched, but when you turn to look you to see that no one's there?

*I wanted to tell her that I could totally relate, and that the feeling was deja vu for me. Though if I said anything it'd just give away my hiding spot in the bushes.*

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Why did Hitler turn to genocide after a failed career as an artist?

He never learned to mix the colors

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A couple loses their jobs and end up in such deep financial trouble that they agree the wife should turn to prostitution.

The girl is out on the street for the first time, with her husband hiding around a corner. A car stops, and they guy asks how much to have sex. The couple forgot to work out prices in advance, so she tells the guy to hold on, and runs around the corner to ask her husband. The husband says, "Tell ...

A computer science teacher asks the class to turn to page 404.

The students search feverishly, to no avail

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A boy's mother once told him that if he saw a naked woman he would turn to stone.

One day, the boy and his friend accidentally came upon a nude beach, but the boy immediately ran away.

"Why did you run away?" asked his friend, who wanted to stay to enjoy the view.

The boy responded "My mother always told me that if I saw a woman naked, I would turn to stone. I felt ...

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I turn to my brother and ask

Hey bro, what's the most you've jerked off in one day?
"About 3 dudes".

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Little kids turn to speak about what he learned from a relative's experience?

The little kid says, "My grandfather was flying over enemy territory during WW2 when he was hit and he had to eject from the plane. On the way down he pounds a 1/5 of whiskey. Once he landed he killed the first 20 guys he saw with his rifle. He proceeded to kill another 12 with his pistol, 5 more of...

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