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Think Of Jokes

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Man 1: Tell me the shortest sentence you can think of.

Man 2: Why?

Edit: Fuck

Edit 2: Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers

The oldest one I could think of on a Monday morning:

Where do cantaloupes go during the summer?



John Cougar’s Melon Camp.

When my friends talk about the 80s they think of boom boxes..i had to stop them.

That's just a stereo type

My dad just told me, “When I get really old and look back at life, I’ll only think of one thing.”

“My neck hurts.”

My wife said, “I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, and don’t even mention your obsession with Tennis.

I replied, "That's 15 love."

Reporter: Herschel Walker, what do you think of the latest abortion bill?

Herschel Walker: I think we should pay it.

I've just struggled for ages trying to think of a pun worthy of attacking someone over.

Anyone else want to take a stab at a punchline?

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The joke I always think of when asked “what’s your favourite joke?”

Didja hear about the Cutlery Gang downtown? They’ve started pronouncing the silent ‘k’ in words. Those kniving bastards!

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Whenever I hear of a Putin General I think of this really piss poor joke:

A soldier shows up for military training, but realizes he forgot to bring his gun.

The sergeant hands him a stick and gestures to the training field.

"You'll have to use this, soldier. If you need to shoot someone, just aim your stick at them and shout 'Bangity bang-bang'. If someone g...

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My therapist says I should think of my mental health like sex

Because I always come first

This guy's an English teacher, and he still can't think of a synonym for 'market'!

It's bazaar.

If you can't think of a word, say "I forgot the English word for it."

That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot.

2 Cows in a feild.. one says "what do you think of that mad cow disease?"

The other replies "I dunno, it doesn't effect me, I'm a duck"

I was up all night trying to think of a joke to do with the sun.

Then suddenly, it dawned on me.

What do wind turbines think of renewable energy?

They're big fans

I can't think of anything to post for my cakeday

I guess I'll just dessert it.

I can’t think of a single good thing to post on my cake day.

I guess I’ll just have to dessert my karma farming plans.

I am 110% sure that I am FAR from the first person to think of this joke, but I promise I came by it independently. What did Chris Rock have on his face when he left the Oscars?

Will Smith’s Fresh Prints.

I'm making deer nachos for dinner tonight because it's the most American meal I could think of

The corn and deer were here to begin with, Europeans just brought the cheese and a Mexican did all the work anyway.

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One day at the end of class, Little Johnny’s teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with a moral of the story

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story.

The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.

Little Suzy raises her hand.

“My dad owns a farm...

I’m trying to think of a Will Smith joke

But I can’t come up with a punchline

What did the critic think of Vincent Van Gogh

He thinks he was cuttingly eary

does anyone know any good sword-fighting puns? I'm trying to think of words that have...

...a duel meaning.

When you think of it, invention of the shovel was groundbreaking

But it was the invention of the broom that swept the nation.

“I’ve spent so long trying to think of a synonym for ‘ambitious’ that I’ve given myself a headache.”

“Aspiring?”

“No thanks, I’ll just get some fresh air, that’ll clear it up.”

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On their 50th anniversary, a woman asks her husband, "What did you think of me when you first met me?"

The husband replies, "I wanted to fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry." The woman then asks, "What do think of me now?" The husband takes a good slow look, running his eyes up and down all over her body. Finally, he answers, "I think I did a pretty good job."

You know, I can't think of many guys who would walk all the way to a volcano to get rid of a ring.

But Elijah Wood.

It's my special day today but I can't think of any good jokes...

It's a shame, I thought it would be a piece of cake.

George Carlin once famously joked, "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

Thanks to all those people wearing masks but leaving their noses fully exposed, the stupider half is now a lot easier to spot.

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Some of the biggest red flags I can think of are Danish, Chinese, Spainish, Turkish, or Albanian

And to a lesser extent, Canadian, Indonesean, Hatian, American, and Japanese

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Think of this every time I check out

I'm in the grocery store ready to check out. Hot pockets, pack of ramen, single roll of TP, bottle of soda,

Cute cashier looks at me "Single?" she asks

"Heh yeah what have it away?"

"You're fucking ugly"

Was tryin to think of a punny meat-eater joke.

But carnivore think of one. r_r

The underwear making company, *Jockey* was having a tough time with stock theft.On departure for home, all workers' bags were searched and everything always seemed OK. All security measures you can think of were put in place...

Auditors were called in but still no one was caught and stock continued to disappear.

All workers, including management were checked on departure and no one was caught with more than one pair.

Then....
One day, the Auditor advised security to *check all workers on their arrival..*...

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a boy was asked to think of three good quotes at school

he went home and asked his mother, she said “a fool and his money are soon parted”

he asked his father, he said “ask and you shall receive”

he asked his grandfather, who served the military, he said, “where the battle rages, there the loyalty of the soldier is proved”

he went ba...

When I dunk my cookies in milk, I think of my ex wife.

(And hold them under until the bubbles stop. )

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When people say “late husband” or “late wife”, the first thing I think of is..

Where the fuck are they?

Struggling to think of a Christmas present for your spouse?

Get them a fridge, and watch their face light up when they open it

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I will never think of coconuts the same again.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

Think of how dumb the average person is

Then remember half the world are dumberer then that.

I have a boomerang joke I can’t think of it though it might come back to me

All I remember is that it went over people’s heads

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When I was a teen, i'd have sex with all types of food. Pies, watermelons, bananas.... come to think of it, fruit were the best for sex.

Except lemons. Never touched those. Didn't wanna get lemonaids.

Look man, this insane need of yours to break into high-end cooking stores and steal kitchen utensils like this thing you're eyeing, is going to get you thrown back in jail if you're caught! Think of your family, please!

I appreciate the concern, I really do, but that's a whisk I've go to take!

I was trying to think of past Republicans similar to Marjorie Taylor Greene

But they just Palin comparison.

A man ask a pretty women: ”if there is a scale of a person’s looking, on the left is ugly, and on the right is pretty, so what do you think of me?”

”I think you are in the middle,” says the women.

”So my looking is just okay,” says the man, a bit disappointed.

”No, you are pretty ugly, ” says the women.

"What did you think of my new Fibonacci joke?" the man asked.

"It was as bad as your previous two Fibonacci jokes combined," she taunted.

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Patient: I get scared every time I think of big animals.

Therapist: We have pills for that, but bear in mind--

Patient: AAUUGGHH!!

My friends and I were playing a game, where you have to think of famous Johns. The game ends if you pick a John that has died.

It's all fun and games until someone gets Hurt.

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Women should think of the Penis like they should cars. They should be able to get from A to B on a daily basis, as safe and efficiently as possible, be easy to park in the garage without using the mirrors, and come with a load of kids if needed.

That being said, it is also nice to get a big black stretch limo for her birthday to make her feel special.

I asked my girlfriend what the most NSFW thing she could think of is.

She thought for a while before replying, "Probably standing on a swivel chair to change a light bulb that hasn't been turned off."

If you can think of a better fish pun..

let minnow.

What do you think of german sausages?

I think they are the wurst...

When you think of 2020, what’s the first thing that comes to mind?

Coronavirus, right off the bat.

[OC] What did the first bee to try a flower think of it?

It was beyond bee leaf.

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The first time I had sex with my girlfriend, all I could think of was my late wife.

I thought, “This’ll teach her for being late.”

What did everyone think of the Challenger documentary on Netflix?

I only saw bits and pieces.

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Two Jamaican brothers are getting ready to attend their friend’s annual costume party. “Dante, we need to do better this year, we got to do better this year. We got to think of something extra special to wear!”

So Lamont and Dante take 3 hours coming up with the perfect costume to blow away the guests at the party. They’re determined to beat the annoying couple who took home last year’s prize as Tom and Jerry.

A while later, they arrive at Bob’s house, whose jaw hits the ground when he opens the fro...

I can’t think of a time when I lost my toupee while riding a motorcycle.

At least not right off the top of my head.

How does Spider-Man think of such witty comebacks?

With great power comes great response ability.

No matter what you think of the celebrities commenting on how we handle the current crisis, you should ALWAYS listen to music producers.

They give sound advice.

I can't think of any good zombie jokes lately

I must've gone *braindead* or something.

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One secret policeman asks another, “What do you think of the regime?” ...

Nervously, the second policeman replies, “The same as you, comrade.” At that point the first one pulls out handcuffs and says, “In that case, it is my duty to arrest you.”

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What do you think of the rectum

as a whole?

What did JFK think of the parade?

He thought it was mind-blowing

I can only think of one word with three U's in it. That's unusual.

Really.

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When I'm hungry but on a diet, I simply think of stuff like 2 Girls 1 Cup to stave off the hunger.

That way I'm far too horny to think about eating.

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Trying to think of a new password

WINDOWS:
Please enter your new password.

USER:
cabbage

WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER:
boiled cabbage

WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

USER:
1 boiled cabbage

WINDOWS:
S...

What do you guys think of my idea to abstain from working with spreadsheets for 40 days before Easter?

Because personally, I think it's Excel Lent.

I read the other day that Penn State has spent $237 million defending the university during the Sandusky lawsuit. Think of how many peoples’ education that would pay for.

At least 4 or 5.

You know what I think of submissive citrus fruits.

They are sublime.

If you think of something you seriously wanted to do while inside of your camping shelter,

you're thinking in the tense in-tent intent tense

I’m trying to think of a joke about waiting for the bus at the wrong bus stop.

But nothing is coming to me.

Mr Trump, the American people will be voting soon...what do you think of the ballots ?

"I much prefer faster songs ."

Let me think of a sad joke

Oh wait it’s me

I like to think of myself as a bottle of fine wine

I’m saving myself for another 10-15 years, but in reality I’ll probably wait too long, become funky, and just be left untouched until I’m thrown away

What did Han Solo think of his steak?

He thought it was a little chewie.

Magic 8-Ball, what do you think of Microsoft's email client?

Outlook not so good

Think of 43

Just take a minute and think of the number 43.

It is not divisible by any smaller number, except 1.

It is a prime number!

Isn't that nice?

Thank you for your undivided attention.

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I don't think of a woman as simply legs, or breasts....

I think of a woman as a whole.

Come to think of it, it's a good thing Bush won the 2000 election over Al Gore...

Now we have to deal with Bushisms... otherwise we would have had to deal with Algorithms!

When I see stars I think of you...

Because you're only beautiful from a distance.

What do you call a girl who you cannot think of a common way to describe?

Ms. Cellaneous

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A teacher asked for 3 volunteers to each take home $1 and spend it in the most economicall way they could think of.

The three students chosen were Betty, Samuel and Adam.

The next morning the teacher asked them to stand up and tell the class how they spent their $1.

Betty: "I went to the shop and bought a bag of lollies. I took them home and I had some, I gave some to my Brother, some to my Mother,...

What do you guys think of message boards?

....I'm all forum.

If you're ever confused with how a genie works just think of it like a make-a-wish

1. You can't wish for unlimited money
2. You can't wish for another 3 wishes
3. You can't wish to live forever (in the kids case, 6 weeks)

Think of a dark future where humanity has to take to the stars because earth is no longer inhabitable.

That's unsettling

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It was WW2 and a German man was being interrogated in case he was a German spy. He was asked “what do you think of nazis?” He replied “they are gay” he was then asked “what do you think about Winston Churchill?”

The man replied “he is very sexy” he



He was later executed

I can’t think of any boat puns...

Canoe?

A rich couple lost all their money and was trying to think of ways to restore their fortunes.

The husband says to the wife “if you learn to cook, we could get rid of the housekeeper”

She laughed and replied “if you learned to please me in bed, we could get rid of the gardener”

I'm trying to think of a sewing pun but I'm really struggling.

I needle the help I can get.

So what do you think of equestrian sports?

Neigh or nay?

For Halloween, I've decided to go as the scariest thing I could think of

Hillary J. Trump

Some people think of this as the hottest summer in the last 125 years

But I like to think of it as the coolest summer in the next 125 years. Glass half full!

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In these uncertain times I think of what my grandfather wouldsay if he were still alive

Get me the fuck outta this box! I can't breathe!

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As I was paying for a 20 year old Escort, I could only think of one thing.

This is a shitty car.

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