Think of how dumb the average person is

Then remember half the world are dumberer then that.

If you can't think of a good guitar pun...

Don't fret.

A man ask a pretty women: ”if there is a scale of a person’s looking, on the left is ugly, and on the right is pretty, so what do you think of me?”

”I think you are in the middle,” says the women.

”So my looking is just okay,” says the man, a bit disappointed.

”No, you are pretty ugly, ” says the women.

I asked my girlfriend what the most NSFW thing she could think of is.

She thought for a while before replying, "Probably standing on a swivel chair to change a light bulb that hasn't been turned off."

What did JFK think of the parade?

He thought it was mind-blowing

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Two Jamaican brothers are getting ready to attend their friend’s annual costume party. “Dante, we need to do better this year, we got to do better this year. We got to think of something extra special to wear!”

So Lamont and Dante take 3 hours coming up with the perfect costume to blow away the guests at the party. They’re determined to beat the annoying couple who took home last year’s prize as Tom and Jerry.

A while later, they arrive at Bob’s house, whose jaw hits the ground when he opens the fro...

Guys I tried to think of a social distancing joke

but this is as close as I could get

"Honey," said my wife, "what do you think of the clothes I bought?"

"Ask that vase over there," I pointed. "It will give you a better answer than I ever will."

"What?" she questioned. "The vase...can't speak."

"Exactly."

Patient: I become terrified every time I think of large animals.

Doctor: We can control that with medication, but bear in mind--

Patient: AAAAAAUUUGGGHHH!!!

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a boy was asked to think of three good quotes at school

he went home and asked his mother, she said “a fool and his money are soon parted”

he asked his father, he said “ask and you shall receive”

he asked his grandfather, who served the military, he said, “where the battle rages, there the loyalty of the soldier is proved”

he went ba...

Come to think of it, it's a good thing Bush won the 2000 election over Al Gore...

Now we have to deal with Bushisms... otherwise we would have had to deal with Algorithms!

Been think of opening a clown brothel,

Gonna call it “the funny bone.”

A husband had grown tired of his marriage but couldn't think of a proper way to tell his wife.

One day, while his wife was at work, he came up with an idea. That evening, when the wife returned home, the husband greeted her and said, "Honey, i think i might be schizophrenic." Confused, the wife asked, "Well how do you know?" To which the husband replied, "Well, honey, I'm seeing other people....

I have a boomerang joke I can’t think of it though it might come back to me

All I remember is that it went over people’s heads

When you think of 2020, what’s the first thing that comes to mind?

Coronavirus, right off the bat.

I never can think of a title

A man was in a terrible car crash and he was alright. How is this?

He lost his left hand

Cowboy 1: Can you think of anything worse than being scalped alive?

Cowboy 2: Not off the top of my head.

During this lockdown, please think of the confidence level and mental health of your companies IT person.

They have gone more then three months without being able to look you in the eye without smirking, while first turning your computer off and then on again, before accessing the admin profile to delete then add the wireless printer again so you can print your emails.

No matter what you think of the celebrities commenting on how we handle the current crisis, you should ALWAYS listen to music producers.

They give sound advice.

What did Han Solo think of his steak?

He thought it was a little chewie.

You know what I think of submissive citrus fruits.

They are sublime.

No matter how improbable, there's a parallel universe with anything you can think of. Even one where the Irish invented rap.

It's how the universe achieves Homie O'Stasis

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In these uncertain times I think of what my grandfather wouldsay if he were still alive

Get me the fuck outta this box! I can't breathe!

What do you think of my wife?

A man was having a conversation with his friend about his wife.

He asks his friend, "What do you think of my wife?"

His friend, knowing the wife very well responds, "I think she's a pedestrian."

The man, confused, asks his friend, "What do you mean?"

He answers, "She belo...

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On their 50th anniversary, a woman asks her husband, "What did you think of me when you first met me?"

The husband replies, "I wanted to fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry." The woman then asks, "What do think of me now?" The husband takes a good slow look, running his eyes up and down all over her body. Finally, he answers, "I think I did a pretty good job."

I stayed up all night trying to think of a joke.

And then it dawned on me.

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It was WW2 and a German man was being interrogated in case he was a German spy. He was asked “what do you think of nazis?” He replied “they are gay” he was then asked “what do you think about Winston Churchill?”

The man replied “he is very sexy” he



He was later executed

What would Bruce Forsyth think of all this coronavirus lockdown eh?

Nice 2 metre 2 metre nice.

What do you think of the return to Daylight Savings Time tonight?

Eh, I'm not losing any sleep over it.

What do you guys think of my idea to abstain from working with spreadsheets for 40 days before Easter?

Because personally, I think it's Excel Lent.

Let me think of a sad joke

Oh wait it’s me

So what do you think of equestrian sports?

Neigh or nay?

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I tried to think of a pun about ass eating

but I couldn't think of anything tongue'n cheek

If you can think of a better fish pun

Let minnow!

Think of a number between 1 - 20

Add 45

Multiply by 2

Subtract 1

Now close your eyes
#
#
>!It's dark isn't it?!<

What did the new recruit think of his assignment as a minesweeper?

It's a blast!

Magician: Think of a card, any card.

Me: OK,

Magician: Have you got it?

Me: Yes.

Magician: 7 of spades.

Me: No.

Magician: Huh..? Well, what card were you thinking of then?

Me: Debit.

How does Spider-Man think of such witty comebacks?

With great power comes great response ability.

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As I was paying for a 20 year old Escort, I could only think of one thing.

This is a shitty car.

Think of 43

Just take a minute and think of the number 43.

It is not divisible by any smaller number, except 1.

It is a prime number!

Isn't that nice?

Thank you for your undivided attention.

The queen wanted to go to bed, but the king was trying to think of a name for his soldiers and wouldn't go to bed before he came up with one.

Queen: K night.

King: Babe you're a genius!

I asked my dad, "What do you think of time travel?"

He said, "A waste of time."

Some people think of this as the hottest summer in the last 125 years

But I like to think of it as the coolest summer in the next 125 years. Glass half full!

"What did you think of my new Fibonacci joke?" the man asked.

"It was as bad as your previous two Fibonacci jokes combined," she taunted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The first time I had sex with my girlfriend, all I could think of was my late wife.

I thought, “This’ll teach her for being late.”

I cant think of anything to post for my cakeday

I guess just i'll dessert it

I’m trying to think of a joke about waiting for the bus at the wrong bus stop.

But nothing is coming to me.

Kosovo has the cleanest capital city in the world. Whichever capital city you think of

Kosovo’s is Pristina.

As I get older I think of all people I’ve lost along the way

Maybe a career as a tour guide was not for me

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One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story.

The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.

Little Suzy raises her hand.

"My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market.

Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all th...

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On being asked to describe Bill's penis, Melinda Gates could only think of one word...

Microsoft

Think of a dark future where humanity has to take to the stars because earth is no longer inhabitable.

That's unsettling

Let me know what you think of my 2nd attempt!

A young boy decided that he wanted to become a beekeeper when he grew up. When he told his parents this they decided it would be a great chance to teach him responsibility and give him a chance to earn his own spending money. So they bought him a small colony of bees and the tools he would need to t...

I like to think of Kurt Cobain as the ‘Michelangelo’ of Rock

Although he had a different approach to painting ceilings.

What do you think of photons being massless?

-Doesn't matter!

I can't think of a good knife pun.

Anybody want to take a stab at it?

Come to think of it, Miss Pac-Man is a lot like my mother.

She guzzles down loads of pills and then gets killed by ghosts.

I can’t think of any boat puns...

Canoe?

Come to think of it the invention of the shovel was pretty important...

Some would even say it was groundbreaking

I can only think of one word with three U's in it. That's unusual.

Really.

My wife was always self-conscious about her amputated arm, so I tried to think of ways to incorporate it in a low-key manner during our intimate moments.

Suffice it to say that for a while I was stumped.

I read the other day that Penn State has spent $237 million defending the university during the Sandusky lawsuit. Think of how many peoples’ education that would pay for.

At least 4 or 5.

A rich couple lost all their money and was trying to think of ways to restore their fortunes.

The husband says to the wife “if you learn to cook, we could get rid of the housekeeper”

She laughed and replied “if you learned to please me in bed, we could get rid of the gardener”

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I like to think of the act of pooping like a game of poker

You go all in with a royal flush.

I don’t care what people think of me.

At least mosquitoes find me attractive.

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Some people think of fanny packs as being a useful tool to hold your belongings,

I personally think they’re just waisted space.

I've never once worried my friends think of me as the "ugly" friend.

I don't have any friends. :(

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Tell me what you think of this joke.

A man is sitting at a bar enjoying a drink when an extremely unique individual walks in.

He was surrounded by dozens of beautiful women, his body was covered in expensive jewelry, and his head was an orange.

Overcome by curiosity, the patron of the bar asks the newcomer, “Dude. What *h...

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A teacher asked for 3 volunteers to each take home $1 and spend it in the most economicall way they could think of.

The three students chosen were Betty, Samuel and Adam.

The next morning the teacher asked them to stand up and tell the class how they spent their $1.

Betty: "I went to the shop and bought a bag of lollies. I took them home and I had some, I gave some to my Brother, some to my Mother,...

What does a cannibal think of kids

They are the snack that smiles back

I think of my co-workers as a second family

Because I didn't get to choose any and I hate them

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Trying to think of a new password

WINDOWS:
Please enter your new password.

USER:
cabbage

WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER:
boiled cabbage

WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

USER:
1 boiled cabbage

WINDOWS:
S...

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