This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some of the biggest red flags I can think of are Danish, Chinese, Spainish, Turkish, or Albanian

And to a lesser extent, Canadian, Indonesean, Hatian, American, and Japanese

does anyone know any good sword-fighting puns? I'm trying to think of words that have...

...a duel meaning.

You know, I can't think of many guys who would walk all the way to a volcano to get rid of a ring.

But Elijah Wood.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked a girl if I guess the number she has in her mind, she has to kiss me. So I told to her to think of a number between 1 and 3

*After she choosing a number in her mind*

Me: It's 2, isn't it?

She: No.

Me: then which fucking number is it?

She: 2.5.

If you can't think of a word, say "I forgot the English word for it."

That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot.

When you think of it, invention of the shovel was groundbreaking

But it was the invention of the broom that swept the nation.

“I’ve spent so long trying to think of a synonym for ‘ambitious’ that I’ve given myself a headache.”

“Aspiring?”

“No thanks, I’ll just get some fresh air, that’ll clear it up.”

Struggling to think of a Christmas present for your spouse?

Get them a fridge, and watch their face light up when they open it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When people say “late husband” or “late wife”, the first thing I think of is..

Where the fuck are they?

My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis."

I replied, "That's 15 love."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I will never think of coconuts the same again.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

It's my special day today but I can't think of any good jokes...

It's a shame, I thought it would be a piece of cake.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was a teen, i'd have sex with all types of food. Pies, watermelons, bananas.... come to think of it, fruit were the best for sex.

Except lemons. Never touched those. Didn't wanna get lemonaids.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On their 50th anniversary, a woman asks her husband, "What did you think of me when you first met me?"

The husband replies, "I wanted to fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry." The woman then asks, "What do think of me now?" The husband takes a good slow look, running his eyes up and down all over her body. Finally, he answers, "I think I did a pretty good job."

George Carlin once famously joked, "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

Thanks to all those people wearing masks but leaving their noses fully exposed, the stupider half is now a lot easier to spot.

I was trying to think of past Republicans similar to Marjorie Taylor Greene

But they just Palin comparison.

Look man, this insane need of yours to break into high-end cooking stores and steal kitchen utensils like this thing you're eyeing, is going to get you thrown back in jail if you're caught! Think of your family, please!

I appreciate the concern, I really do, but that's a whisk I've go to take!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a boy was asked to think of three good quotes at school

he went home and asked his mother, she said “a fool and his money are soon parted”

he asked his father, he said “ask and you shall receive”

he asked his grandfather, who served the military, he said, “where the battle rages, there the loyalty of the soldier is proved”

he went ba...

Guys I tried to think of a social distancing joke

but this is as close as I could get

My friends and I were playing a game, where you have to think of famous Johns. The game ends if you pick a John that has died.

It's all fun and games until someone gets Hurt.

What do you guys think of Black Mirror?

To me it feels a bit too

**dark and reflective**

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Women should think of the Penis like they should cars. They should be able to get from A to B on a daily basis, as safe and efficiently as possible, be easy to park in the garage without using the mirrors, and come with a load of kids if needed.

That being said, it is also nice to get a big black stretch limo for her birthday to make her feel special.

Think of how dumb the average person is

Then remember half the world are dumberer then that.

What do Americans think of Europe?

We don’t

I can’t think of a time when I lost my toupee while riding a motorcycle.

At least not right off the top of my head.

I stayed up all night trying to think of a joke.

And then it dawned on me.

[OC] What did the first bee to try a flower think of it?

It was beyond bee leaf.

I have a boomerang joke I can’t think of it though it might come back to me

All I remember is that it went over people’s heads

A man ask a pretty women: ”if there is a scale of a person’s looking, on the left is ugly, and on the right is pretty, so what do you think of me?”

”I think you are in the middle,” says the women.

”So my looking is just okay,” says the man, a bit disappointed.

”No, you are pretty ugly, ” says the women.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I'm hungry but on a diet, I simply think of stuff like 2 Girls 1 Cup to stave off the hunger.

That way I'm far too horny to think about eating.

What do you think of german sausages?

I think they are the wurst...

I asked my girlfriend what the most NSFW thing she could think of is.

She thought for a while before replying, "Probably standing on a swivel chair to change a light bulb that hasn't been turned off."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One secret policeman asks another, “What do you think of the regime?” ...

Nervously, the second policeman replies, “The same as you, comrade.” At that point the first one pulls out handcuffs and says, “In that case, it is my duty to arrest you.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Jamaican brothers are getting ready to attend their friend’s annual costume party. “Dante, we need to do better this year, we got to do better this year. We got to think of something extra special to wear!”

So Lamont and Dante take 3 hours coming up with the perfect costume to blow away the guests at the party. They’re determined to beat the annoying couple who took home last year’s prize as Tom and Jerry.

A while later, they arrive at Bob’s house, whose jaw hits the ground when he opens the fro...

What did JFK think of the parade?

He thought it was mind-blowing

I like to think of myself as a bottle of fine wine

I’m saving myself for another 10-15 years, but in reality I’ll probably wait too long, become funky, and just be left untouched until I’m thrown away

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you think of the rectum

as a whole?

Magic 8-Ball, what do you think of Microsoft's email client?

Outlook not so good

If you think of something you seriously wanted to do while inside of your camping shelter,

you're thinking in the tense in-tent intent tense

Mr Trump, the American people will be voting soon...what do you think of the ballots ?

"I much prefer faster songs ."

When you think of 2020, what’s the first thing that comes to mind?

Coronavirus, right off the bat.

What do you call a girl who you cannot think of a common way to describe?

Ms. Cellaneous

Patient: I become terrified every time I think of large animals.

Doctor: We can control that with medication, but bear in mind--

Patient: AAAAAAUUUGGGHHH!!!

If you're ever confused with how a genie works just think of it like a make-a-wish

1. You can't wish for unlimited money
2. You can't wish for another 3 wishes
3. You can't wish to live forever (in the kids case, 6 weeks)

Don't you just hate it when someone asks you to "do something funny" and you are just standing awkwardly trying to think of an appropriate joke while more and more people start to look at you? No? Just me? Okay.

Person 1: I just got 3 strikes in bowling!
Person 2: I got three strikes in baseball...

Person 1: I got "nothing but net" in basketball
Person 2: I got "nothing but net" in volleyball...

Person 1: I just hit someone in the stomach in dodgeball!
Person 2: I just hit someo...

No matter what you think of the celebrities commenting on how we handle the current crisis, you should ALWAYS listen to music producers.

They give sound advice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whenever i see someone struggling, i think of what my grandfather used to tell me..

Hurry the fck up you useless piece of shit

Come to think of it, it's a good thing Bush won the 2000 election over Al Gore...

Now we have to deal with Bushisms... otherwise we would have had to deal with Algorithms!

You know what I think of submissive citrus fruits.

They are sublime.

If you can think of a better fish pun..

let minnow.

"What did you think of my new Fibonacci joke?" the man asked.

"It was as bad as your previous two Fibonacci jokes combined," she taunted.

What did Han Solo think of his steak?

He thought it was a little chewie.

What do you guys think of my idea to abstain from working with spreadsheets for 40 days before Easter?

Because personally, I think it's Excel Lent.

How does Spider-Man think of such witty comebacks?

With great power comes great response ability.

I never can think of a title

A man was in a terrible car crash and he was alright. How is this?

He lost his left hand

Let me think of a sad joke

Oh wait it’s me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The first time I had sex with my girlfriend, all I could think of was my late wife.

I thought, “This’ll teach her for being late.”

Cowboy 1: Can you think of anything worse than being scalped alive?

Cowboy 2: Not off the top of my head.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In these uncertain times I think of what my grandfather wouldsay if he were still alive

Get me the fuck outta this box! I can't breathe!

Think of a number 0 to 20.

Add 32 to it, then multiply your answer by 2. Subtract 2. Now close your eyes.

It's dark, isnt it?

I cant think of anything to post for my cakeday

I guess just i'll dessert it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried to think of a pun about ass eating

but I couldn't think of anything tongue'n cheek

So what do you think of equestrian sports?

Neigh or nay?

Think of 43

Just take a minute and think of the number 43.

It is not divisible by any smaller number, except 1.

It is a prime number!

Isn't that nice?

Thank you for your undivided attention.

What would Bruce Forsyth think of all this coronavirus lockdown eh?

Nice 2 metre 2 metre nice.

When I can’t think of a joke I ask my mom

She has a history of making jokes

What do you think of my wife?

A man was having a conversation with his friend about his wife.

He asks his friend, "What do you think of my wife?"

His friend, knowing the wife very well responds, "I think she's a pedestrian."

The man, confused, asks his friend, "What do you mean?"

He answers, "She belo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was WW2 and a German man was being interrogated in case he was a German spy. He was asked “what do you think of nazis?” He replied “they are gay” he was then asked “what do you think about Winston Churchill?”

The man replied “he is very sexy” he



He was later executed

I’m trying to think of a joke about waiting for the bus at the wrong bus stop.

But nothing is coming to me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As I was paying for a 20 year old Escort, I could only think of one thing.

This is a shitty car.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story.

The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.

Little Suzy raises her hand.

"My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market.

Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all th...

I can only think of one word with three U's in it. That's unusual.

Really.

What did the new recruit think of his assignment as a minesweeper?

It's a blast!

I can't think of a good knife pun.

Anybody want to take a stab at it?

Magician: Think of a card, any card.

Me: OK,

Magician: Have you got it?

Me: Yes.

Magician: 7 of spades.

Me: No.

Magician: Huh..? Well, what card were you thinking of then?

Me: Debit.

Think of a dark future where humanity has to take to the stars because earth is no longer inhabitable.

That's unsettling

What do you think of the return to Daylight Savings Time tonight?

Eh, I'm not losing any sleep over it.

Some people think of this as the hottest summer in the last 125 years

But I like to think of it as the coolest summer in the next 125 years. Glass half full!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trying to think of a new password

WINDOWS:
Please enter your new password.

USER:
cabbage

WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER:
boiled cabbage

WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

USER:
1 boiled cabbage

WINDOWS:
S...

I read the other day that Penn State has spent $237 million defending the university during the Sandusky lawsuit. Think of how many peoples’ education that would pay for.

At least 4 or 5.

Honestly, I don’t care at all about what people think of what I say or what I do.

What do you make of that?

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.