A psychologist friend of mine just got a grant to work out how mice communicate

Not much money in it though. He can barely eke out a living.

Why do you have to use email to communicate with a flat earther?

You can't reach them with fax.

What did the Hershey’s bar, the marshmallow, and the cookie use to communicate?

S'morse Code

How do guilt-ridden spies communicate with each other?

Remorse code

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Deaf People Get Married

Two Deaf people get married
During 1st week of marrige they found they are unable to communicate in bedroom with the lights out as they can't see each other signing and lipsing.
After several nights of fumbling and misunderstanding they finally came up with a solution
The wife said
Why ...

My friend jack claims he can communicate with vegetables..

Jack and the beans talk.

How do pigs communicate?

By using swine language.

How do viking ships communicate with each other?

Norse code

I'm gonna keep making these jokes until one blows up

How did Vikings communicate over long distances?

Norse code.

Sorry everyone!

How do cells communicate with each other?

Cellphones!

What We Have Here is a Failure to Communicate!

A husband shows his wife a study which indicates that on the average men use fifteen thousand words a day, whereas women use thirty thousand.

The wife thinks about this and then tells her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
<...

What language do Eeyore and Marvin the Robot use to communicate with each other?

Morose Code

I feel so bad for the deaf people who need to read lips to communicate, because of all of the face masks right now.

Let's give them all a moment of silence.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man asks a farmer if he can work for a night's lodging and a meal.

Farmer gets a knock on his door, it's a man in his mid-thirties who looks like he's been traveling a while. The man asks if he could earn a meal and a place to stay for the night.

"Do you have any skills?" The farmer asks.

"Well, I do have a rare gift -- I can communicate with animals....

My grandfather could communicate with ghosts, who would often ask him about his clothes sizing.

He was a medium.

How do Knights communicate ?

Chain mail

How do two stars communicate?

They make light conversation...

I’ll see myself out...er space.

(If it’s been done before, sorry; I literally just thought of it, lol.)

How does Mario communicate with his recently deceased sibling?

Luigi Board.

How do ants communicate with each other?

With their antennae of course!

What's used to communicate between Hades and Olympus?

A Persephone.

I use Twitter a lot and my wife complained that my life revolving around Twitter has destroyed the way we communicate as a family.

So I blocked her.

How does a deaf gynecologist communicate with his patients?

He reads lips

Today I learned Italians have more than 250 specific hand gestures to communicate non-verbally, I asked my German friend if they had anything like it in Germany..

He said they have one but they are not allowed to use it

Why do vegans only communicate with each other online?

Because they never meat

Did you hear about the woman who went down on the dude with a painted face who only used his hands and facial expressions to communicate?

It was mime-blowing

What do you call a serious of dots and dashes that Vikings used to communicate with?

Norse Code

Two spies got caught using a book code to communicate

Clearly they weren't on the same page.

Mario, Wario and Luigi went to northern Norway to visit Father Christmas.

Luigi read a big book of Norwegian ethnography before the visit. Wario read a big book about Father Christmas. Mario read a big book about Scandinavian languages.

They had a great time meeting Father Christmas and visiting the workshops, where they spent a little time watching the elves doin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two deaf people get married and are confused on how to communicate about sex.

The wife says with sign language,"Now that we're married, we need a quick way to communicate whether we want to have sex or don't want to have sex." She thinks for a moment,"Okay when you want to have sex, pinch my right nipple. When you don't want to have sex, pinch my left nipple."

The hu...

How to communicate with God

A poster is found in all French churches. The translation is:

"By entering this church it may be possible that you hear "the call of God". However, it is less probable that He will call you on your mobile. Thank you for turning off your phones. If you want to talk to God, enter, choose a qui...

When Trump communicates with the American people, he follows the primary rule of mushroom farming . . .

# "Keep 'em in the dark and feed 'em horsesh*t".

How do priests with a lisp communicate?

They use faithtime.

How do trees communicate?

They bark.

How to communicate effectively with your teenage son as an anti-vaxxer:

1. Ouija Board

Back in the 60s,my little brother thought he could communicate with the trees and i used to think he had some mental issues...

That is until i was drafted to Vietnam

How do people in Wisconsin communicate with each other?

Using a Milwaukee talkie.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian moves to America

(Mild swearing at the end)

A young man from the depths of Siberia, Dmitri, moves to America hoping to start a new life. He buys a nice apartment, lives comfortably and integrates himself into the community, as a fine, upstanding citizen of New York.

6 or 7 months later, his old friends...

Using a Ouija board, I tried to communicate with the dead. It spelled out "Ah ah ah yeah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive"...

Must have bought a Bee Gee board by mistake...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend has been ignoring my attempts to communicate with her. I think she has been ghosting me for several weeks now all because I asked her to send nudes.

So I said screw it, I’m done trying to communicate and threw out my Ouija board.

How does Thanos communicate?

Snapchat

How do the Ninja Turtles communicate?

On their shellphones!

How did pirates communicate before the internet?

Pier to Pier Networking

Why couldn't the fighter jet pilot communicate with his co-pilot?

He hadn't broken the sound barrier yet.

You know, people are always telling me how I dont communicate right or dont understand emotions.

You know what i say to that?

Kiss my ASPERGERS!

(Joke curtousy of my Autistic coworker and good friend)

An astronaut was trying to communicate with the control room but the connection kept breaking up.

Annoyed, he yelled out "What on Earth are you talking about?".

What animal can a cow communicate with?

A MOOse.

Banta the Furniture dealer



Banta, a furniture dealer from Ludhiana, decided to Expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Chennai to see what he could find.


After arriving in Chennai he met with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well Back home in Lud...

What did Canadians use to communicate during the various wars they fought?

Moose Code.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A UFO crashes on a farm

A loud noise is heard outside of a remote farm house and startles a middle-aged farmer and his wife. The farmer walks out to see a UFO. He walks up to the UFO and find out the aliens are peaceful, completely naked and have fairly human bodies. The farmer attempts to communicate with them and the ali...

How do an American and Russian communicate without a translator?

Using Korean.

How do you communicate with a fish?

Drop him a line.

How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?

With a Nor-Ouija board.

Two ghosts were arguing...

Two ghosts had gone out for dinner at the pub and were having a great time until politics were brought up. Things got heated fast and the barman came over to the table to sort things out. Trouble was, the barman couldn't help either ghost see the others perspective mainly because he couldn't communi...

I gave my mute classmate a blackboard to communicate...

But he still won't chalk to me.

What device did God use to communicate with millennials?

A tablet.

But not from Apple.

Student: Can I borrow a pencil?

**Teacher:** I don't know, can you borrow a pencil?

**Student:** Aha, but I clearly meant to ask for permission. Since you and the rest of the class understood my intent perfectly well, and the word "may" to show permission is rapidly falling out of fashion, there is nothing wrong with asking...

Which app does Thanos use to communicate with half of the universe? (Infinity War Spoilers)

Snapchat

A woman says to her lawyer "I want to divorce my husband."

‟On what grounds?”

‟Grounds? We have two acres at the edge of town with a big lawn and some fruit trees.”

‟No, that's not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?”

‟Yes, we've a two car garage but only one car so we use the rest for storage.”

^(getting exasperated) ‟Does he be...

132 is my favorite number

the sum of all 2-digit numbers one can make from 132 results in 132. 132 is the smallest number with that property.

that's cool.

But it's my favorite because the response I give to many people is 132 in binary and I communicate binary using my fingers.

How did the inmates communicate to their families after visiting hours?

Cell phones.

What language does a Southerner use to communicate with a Mexican?

Espan-*ya'll*.

How to blackboards communicate?

They chalk to each other

If your mom could communicate with the dead

she would be an extra large.

How do prisoners communicate?

CELL-phones

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A deaf couple is having issues in the bedroom

When the lights are off at night, neither of them can communicate. This leads to a lot of frustration for both of them, since the wife can’t tell the husband whether she’s in the mood or vice-versa. Their marriage counselor suggests coming up with a touch language that will work in the dark, thus no...

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