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Communicate Jokes

How do viking ships communicate with each other?

Norse code

I'm gonna keep making these jokes until one blows up
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How does a deaf gynecologist communicate at work?

He reads lips
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How do pirates prefer to communicate?

Aye to Aye!
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How do guilt-ridden spies communicate with each other?

Remorse code
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Yo mama is so fat, that if she could communicate with the dead…

… she wouldn’t be called a medium, but an extra large.
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How does Mario communicate after he dies in the game?

He uses a Luigi board.
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How do Knights communicate ?

Chain mail
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How do billboards communicate?

Sign language
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How do pigs communicate?

By using swine language.
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How do trees communicate?

They bark.
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My friend jack claims he can communicate with vegetables..

Jack and the beans talk.
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How do two stars communicate?

They make light conversation...

I’ll see myself out...er space.

(If it’s been done before, sorry; I literally just thought of it, lol.)
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How do cells communicate with each other?

Cellphones!
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How do sad people communicate?

Morose code.
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Why do you have to use email to communicate with a flat earther?

You can't reach them with fax.
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What We Have Here is a Failure to Communicate!

A husband shows his wife a study which indicates that on the average men use fifteen thousand words a day, whereas women use thirty thousand.

The wife thinks about this and then tells her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
<...
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How to communicate with God

A poster is found in all French churches. The translation is:

"By entering this church it may be possible that you hear "the call of God". However, it is less probable that He will call you on your mobile. Thank you for turning off your phones. If you want to talk to God, enter, choose a qui...
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How did Vikings communicate over long distances?

Norse code.

Sorry everyone!
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Why do vegans only communicate with each other online?

Because they never meat
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How do ants communicate with each other?

With their antennae of course!
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How do deaf mathematicians communicate?

Through sine language.
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A psychologist friend of mine just got a grant to work out how mice communicate

Not much money in it though. He can barely eke out a living.
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How did pirates communicate before the internet?

Pier to Pier Networking
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What did the Hershey’s bar, the marshmallow, and the cookie use to communicate?

S'morse Code
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man asks a farmer if he can work for a night's lodging and a meal.

Farmer gets a knock on his door, it's a man in his mid-thirties who looks like he's been traveling a while. The man asks if he could earn a meal and a place to stay for the night.

"Do you have any skills?" The farmer asks.

"Well, I do have a rare gift -- I can communicate with animals....

What's used to communicate between Hades and Olympus?

A Persephone.
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What language do Eeyore and Marvin the Robot use to communicate with each other?

Morose Code
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My grandfather could communicate with ghosts, who would often ask him about his clothes sizing.

He was a medium.
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How do people in Wisconsin communicate with each other?

Using a Milwaukee talkie.
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Two spies got caught using a book code to communicate

Clearly they weren't on the same page.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My eight year old nephew said he had a joke:

“What did the ant say to the other ant?”
“I dunno, what?”
“Nothing, ants communicate using pheromones, not speech.”
“Yeah, that’s not really a joke kid.”
He was quiet for a moment, and looked at the ground. “It’s an ant-y joke, asshole.”

How do prisoners communicate?

CELL-phones
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What animal can a cow communicate with?

A MOOse.
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How to blackboards communicate?

They chalk to each other
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How to communicate effectively with your teenage son as an anti-vaxxer:

1. Ouija Board
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How do you communicate with a fish?

Drop him a line.
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Student: Can I borrow a pencil?

**Teacher:** I don't know, can you borrow a pencil?

**Student:** Aha, but I clearly meant to ask for permission. Since you and the rest of the class understood my intent perfectly well, and the word "may" to show permission is rapidly falling out of fashion, there is nothing wrong with asking...
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Deaf People Get Married

Two Deaf people get married
During 1st week of marrige they found they are unable to communicate in bedroom with the lights out as they can't see each other signing and lipsing.
After several nights of fumbling and misunderstanding they finally came up with a solution
The wife said
Why ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two deaf people get married and are confused on how to communicate about sex.

The wife says with sign language,"Now that we're married, we need a quick way to communicate whether we want to have sex or don't want to have sex." She thinks for a moment,"Okay when you want to have sex, pinch my right nipple. When you don't want to have sex, pinch my left nipple."

The hu...

How do skeletons communicate?

A cell bone.

*just got it off a popsicle.
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Why couldn't the fighter jet pilot communicate with his co-pilot?

He hadn't broken the sound barrier yet.
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I feel so bad for the deaf people who need to read lips to communicate, because of all of the face masks right now.

Let's give them all a moment of silence.
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How do turtles communicate?

With shell phones.
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I gave my mute classmate a blackboard to communicate...

But he still won't chalk to me.
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What device did God use to communicate with millennials?

A tablet.

But not from Apple.
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What do you call a serious of dots and dashes that Vikings used to communicate with?

Norse Code
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A Question of Communication

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce. He asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?

She replied, "About four acres with a little home in the middle of the property."

"No," said the judge. "I mean, what is the foundation of this case?"

"It's made of ...
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How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?

With a Nor-Ouija board.
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How did the inmates communicate to their families after visiting hours?

Cell phones.
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What did Canadians use to communicate during the various wars they fought?

Moose Code.
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My wife complained that my life revolves around Facebook and it has destroyed the way we communicate.

So I've blocked her.
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What language does a Southerner use to communicate with a Mexican?

Espan-*ya'll*.
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Good reason for a divorce?

A woman says to her lawyer "I want to divorce my husband."

‟On what grounds?”

‟Grounds? We have a couple of acres outside the town, but it does have a big lawn and some fruit trees so it's not like empty ground."

‟No, that's not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?”

‟Yes, ...
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What device does Mario use to communicate with the dead?

A Lou-ouija board.
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An astronaut was trying to communicate with the control room but the connection kept breaking up.

Annoyed, he yelled out "What on Earth are you talking about?".
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Which app does Thanos use to communicate with half of the universe? (Infinity War Spoilers)

Snapchat
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Communication Problem!

There was this Asian lady married to an Spanish gentleman and they lived in Spain. The poor lady was not very proficient in Spanish, but managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork...

Today I learned Italians have more than 250 specific hand gestures to communicate non-verbally, I asked my German friend if they had anything like it in Germany..

He said they have one but they are not allowed to use it
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Using a Ouija board, I tried to communicate with the dead. It spelled out "Ah ah ah yeah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive"...

Must have bought a Bee Gee board by mistake...
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Back in the 60s,my little brother thought he could communicate with the trees and i used to think he had some mental issues...

That is until i was drafted to Vietnam
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When Trump communicates with the American people, he follows the primary rule of mushroom farming . . .

# "Keep 'em in the dark and feed 'em horsesh*t".
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