My friend Jack can communicate with vegetables.

Jack and the beans talk.

How do viking ships communicate with each other?

Norse code

I'm gonna keep making these jokes until one blows up

How do ants communicate with each other?

With their antennae of course!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is struggling to communicate with his mute wife in bed.

He says to her "I never want to force myself on you, so you need to be able to tell me when you do and don't want to have sex."

He mulls it over for a while and the next night he says "I've come up with a plan."

"If you do want to have sex, pull my penis once, if you don't, pull it a t...

How do pigs communicate?

Swine language

I use Twitter a lot and my wife complained that my life revolving around Twitter has destroyed the way we communicate as a family.

So I blocked her.

How do two stars communicate?

They make light conversation...

I’ll see myself out...er space.

(If it’s been done before, sorry; I literally just thought of it, lol.)

My grandfather could communicate with ghosts, who would often ask him about his clothes sizing.

He was a medium.

How did Vikings communicate over telegraph?

Norse Code

How does Mario communicate with his recently deceased sibling?

Luigi Board.

I feel so bad for the deaf people who need to read lips to communicate, because of all of the face masks right now.

Let's give them all a moment of silence.

How do sad people communicate?

Morose code.

What's used to communicate between Hades and Olympus?

A Persephone.

How do Knights communicate ?

Chain mail

Did you hear about the woman who went down on the dude with a painted face who only used his hands and facial expressions to communicate?

It was mime-blowing

How does a deaf gynecologist communicate with his patients?

He reads lips

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a rare medical condition where I can only communicate after I orgasm.

I just came to tell you that.

Today I learned Italians have more than 250 specific hand gestures to communicate non-verbally, I asked my German friend if they had anything like it in Germany..

He said they have one but they are not allowed to use it

What do you call a serious of dots and dashes that Vikings used to communicate with?

Norse Code

A woman says to her lawyer "I want to divorce my husband."

‟On what grounds?”

‟Grounds? We have two acres at the edge of town with a big lawn and some fruit trees.”

‟No, that's not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?”

‟Yes, we've a two car garage but only one car so we use the rest for storage.”

^(getting exasperated) ‟Does he be...

Why do vegans only communicate with each other online?

Because they never meat

Two spies got caught using a book code to communicate

Clearly they weren't on the same page.

My wife left me this morning...

My wife left me this morning. She said that I never communicate with her properly or let her know how I feel about things.

I didn’t know what to say.

When Trump communicates with the American people, he follows the primary rule of mushroom farming . . .

# "Keep 'em in the dark and feed 'em horsesh*t".

How do priests with a lisp communicate?

They use faithtime.

How do the two billboards communicate?

Sign language

A foreign man walking...

A foreign man walking downtown suddenly feels the need for a tasty treat. His nose guides him to a little shop, but he is unable to communicate what he wants.

He decides to go to online school to learn how to communicate, but instead is distracted by something called Reddit for a week. He say...

How do elephants communicate over long distances?

By elephone.

The Furniture Dealer

Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris, he visited some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home.

To celebrate the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two deaf people get married and are confused on how to communicate about sex.

The wife says with sign language,"Now that we're married, we need a quick way to communicate whether we want to have sex or don't want to have sex." She thinks for a moment,"Okay when you want to have sex, pinch my right nipple. When you don't want to have sex, pinch my left nipple."

The hu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer gets a knock on his door, it's a man who looks like he's been traveling a while.

The man asks if he could earn a meal and a place to stay for the night.

"Can you do any manual farm work?", asked the farmer.

The man said, "A bit sure, but I do have a rare gift -- I can communicate with animals."

"...sure you can," the farmer says. "But I could use a little he...

How to communicate effectively with your teenage son as an anti-vaxxer:

1. Ouija Board

Student: Can I borrow a pencil?

**Teacher:** I don't know, can you borrow a pencil?

**Student:** Aha, but I clearly meant to ask for permission. Since you and the rest of the class understood my intent perfectly well, and the word "may" to show permission is rapidly falling out of fashion, there is nothing wrong with asking...

A pair of twins walk into a bar...

A pair of twins walk into a bar.

A man walks up to them and asks:

"So is it true that twins can communicate telepathically"

They look at each other in silence for about 30 seconds when the man says:

"I'm sorry if that was an awkward question, it was stupid of me to ask"...

How do the Ninja Turtles communicate?

On their shellphones!

Back in the 60s,my little brother thought he could communicate with the trees and i used to think he had some mental issues...

That is until i was drafted to Vietnam

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend has been ignoring my attempts to communicate with her. I think she has been ghosting me for several weeks now all because I asked her to send nudes.

So I said screw it, I’m done trying to communicate and threw out my Ouija board.

How to communicate with God

A poster is found in all French churches. The translation is:

"By entering this church it may be possible that you hear "the call of God". However, it is less probable that He will call you on your mobile. Thank you for turning off your phones. If you want to talk to God, enter, choose a qui...

Why couldn't the fighter jet pilot communicate with his co-pilot?

He hadn't broken the sound barrier yet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A deaf couple are struggling to initiate sex...

A deaf couple is struggling to initiate sex in the dark of night, so they decide to sit down and communicate a work around.

The wife starts writing on a notepad, “If you want to have sex with with me, squeeze my left breast once, and if you don’t want to have sex with me squeeze my right bre...

What do you call a set of wires that like to communicate moral based children’s stories?

Aesop’s Cables

How do trees communicate?

They bark.

How do people in Wisconsin communicate with each other?

Using a Milwaukee talkie.

Using a Ouija board, I tried to communicate with the dead. It spelled out "Ah ah ah yeah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive"...

Must have bought a Bee Gee board by mistake...

You know, people are always telling me how I dont communicate right or dont understand emotions.

You know what i say to that?

Kiss my ASPERGERS!

(Joke curtousy of my Autistic coworker and good friend)

How does Thanos communicate?

Snapchat

An astronaut was trying to communicate with the control room but the connection kept breaking up.

Annoyed, he yelled out "What on Earth are you talking about?".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you play FPS games this will make sense. Should be original.

A man goes online and finds two of his mate playing COD:Warzone with a guy he doesn't know. He asks them what his name is and he guy says proudly in a French Accent "Zey call me ze Wanker". He is a bit dubious but his friends insist he is pretty good.

So they play the battle royal mode, and W...

How did pirates communicate before the internet?

Pier to Pier Networking

Lighthouse joke

How do lighthouse keepers communicate with each other?

With shine language!

What did Canadians use to communicate during the various wars they fought?

Moose Code.

How do an American and Russian communicate without a translator?

Using Korean.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Your life pursuit

Long ago in a distant land an explorer and his large team of bearers, trackers, hunters, cooks, handymen, translators and so on came upon a village of people never before known to the outside world.

Luckily the translators were able to communicate with the people and soon the explorer was tal...

I gave my mute classmate a blackboard to communicate...

But he still won't chalk to me.

How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?

With a Nor-Ouija board.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian lady married an English gentleman and they lived in London .

She was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked l...

Which app does Thanos use to communicate with half of the universe? (Infinity War Spoilers)

Snapchat

How do you communicate with a fish?

Drop him a line.

How did the inmates communicate to their families after visiting hours?

Cell phones.

What did the Hershey’s bar, the marshmallow, and the cookie use to communicate?

S’mores Code

What device did God use to communicate with millennials?

A tablet.

But not from Apple.

In honor of Sir Sean Connery (2 of 2)

James Bond is sitting at the bar doing a vodka martini, shaken not schtirred, when he notices a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar.

He glances at his watch, looks up and gives her a knowing wink.

Intrigued, she walks over, smiles and says, "What was that all about? Why did y...

What language does a Southerner use to communicate with a Mexican?

Espan-*ya'll*.

How to blackboards communicate?

They chalk to each other

How do prisoners communicate?

CELL-phones

If your mom could communicate with the dead

she would be an extra large.

Long distance relationship

A woman and a man met on Tinder and began a long distance relationship. They would communicate everyday but their distance was always 1548km apart. Eventually, the woman could no longer bear the distance apart and asked for a break up. The man said nothing. The next day, the woman noticed the distan...

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