My friend jack claims he can communicate with vegetables..

Jack and the beans talk.

How do pigs communicate?

By using swine language.

How do cells communicate with each other?

Cellphones!

How did Vikings communicate over long distances?

Norse code.

Sorry everyone!

How do viking ships communicate with each other?

Norse code

I'm gonna keep making these jokes until one blows up

What We Have Here is a Failure to Communicate!

A husband shows his wife a study which indicates that on the average men use fifteen thousand words a day, whereas women use thirty thousand.

The wife thinks about this and then tells her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
<...

What language do Eeyore and Marvin the Robot use to communicate with each other?

Morose Code

How do ants communicate with each other?

With their antennae of course!

I feel so bad for the deaf people who need to read lips to communicate, because of all of the face masks right now.

Let's give them all a moment of silence.

My grandfather could communicate with ghosts, who would often ask him about his clothes sizing.

He was a medium.

How do two stars communicate?

They make light conversation...

I’ll see myself out...er space.

(If it’s been done before, sorry; I literally just thought of it, lol.)

How does Mario communicate with his recently deceased sibling?

Luigi Board.

How do Knights communicate ?

Chain mail

I use Twitter a lot and my wife complained that my life revolving around Twitter has destroyed the way we communicate as a family.

So I blocked her.

What's used to communicate between Hades and Olympus?

A Persephone.

How does a deaf gynecologist communicate with his patients?

He reads lips

Did you hear about the woman who went down on the dude with a painted face who only used his hands and facial expressions to communicate?

It was mime-blowing

Today I learned Italians have more than 250 specific hand gestures to communicate non-verbally, I asked my German friend if they had anything like it in Germany..

He said they have one but they are not allowed to use it

Why do vegans only communicate with each other online?

Because they never meat

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A deaf couple is having issues in the bedroom

When the lights are off at night, neither of them can communicate. This leads to a lot of frustration for both of them, since the wife can’t tell the husband whether she’s in the mood or vice-versa. Their marriage counselor suggests coming up with a touch language that will work in the dark, thus no...

What do you call a serious of dots and dashes that Vikings used to communicate with?

Norse Code

Two spies got caught using a book code to communicate

Clearly they weren't on the same page.

When Trump communicates with the American people, he follows the primary rule of mushroom farming . . .

# "Keep 'em in the dark and feed 'em horsesh*t".

How do priests with a lisp communicate?

They use faithtime.

How do the two billboards communicate?

Sign language

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two deaf people get married and are confused on how to communicate about sex.

The wife says with sign language,"Now that we're married, we need a quick way to communicate whether we want to have sex or don't want to have sex." She thinks for a moment,"Okay when you want to have sex, pinch my right nipple. When you don't want to have sex, pinch my left nipple."

The hu...

A Married Couple were at a party chatting with some friends when the Subject of Marriage Counselling came up

"Oh, we'll never need that. We have a great relationship." The Husband explained

"She was a Communications Major in college and I majored in Theatre Arts."

He continued, "She communicates well and I act like I'm listening"

How to communicate effectively with your teenage son as an anti-vaxxer:

1. Ouija Board

Back in the 60s,my little brother thought he could communicate with the trees and i used to think he had some mental issues...

That is until i was drafted to Vietnam

How do trees communicate?

They bark.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend has been ignoring my attempts to communicate with her. I think she has been ghosting me for several weeks now all because I asked her to send nudes.

So I said screw it, I’m done trying to communicate and threw out my Ouija board.

How do people in Wisconsin communicate with each other?

Using a Milwaukee talkie.

A woman says to her lawyer "I want to divorce my husband."

‟On what grounds?”

‟Grounds? We have two acres at the edge of town with a big lawn and some fruit trees.”

‟No, that's not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?”

‟Yes, we've a two car garage but only one car so we use the rest for storage.”

^(getting exasperated) ‟Does he be...

Using a Ouija board, I tried to communicate with the dead. It spelled out "Ah ah ah yeah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive"...

Must have bought a Bee Gee board by mistake...

Why couldn't the fighter jet pilot communicate with his co-pilot?

He hadn't broken the sound barrier yet.

How to communicate with God

A poster is found in all French churches. The translation is:

"By entering this church it may be possible that you hear "the call of God". However, it is less probable that He will call you on your mobile. Thank you for turning off your phones. If you want to talk to God, enter, choose a qui...

What do you call a set of wires that like to communicate moral based children’s stories?

Aesop’s Cables

How does Thanos communicate?

Snapchat

How did pirates communicate before the internet?

Pier to Pier Networking

You know, people are always telling me how I dont communicate right or dont understand emotions.

You know what i say to that?

Kiss my ASPERGERS!

(Joke curtousy of my Autistic coworker and good friend)

Student: Can I borrow a pencil?

**Teacher:** I don't know, can you borrow a pencil?

**Student:** Aha, but I clearly meant to ask for permission. Since you and the rest of the class understood my intent perfectly well, and the word "may" to show permission is rapidly falling out of fashion, there is nothing wrong with asking...

An astronaut was trying to communicate with the control room but the connection kept breaking up.

Annoyed, he yelled out "What on Earth are you talking about?".

What did Canadians use to communicate during the various wars they fought?

Moose Code.

How do an American and Russian communicate without a translator?

Using Korean.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mute man is going on a date

He realizes he's a bit of age and could use some viagra for the evening. He goes to the pharmacy and looks around but can't find it. He goes to the counter where the pharmacist asks if he can help. The man looks down towards his privates but the pharmacist doesn't understand what that means. A coupl...

How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?

With a Nor-Ouija board.

I gave my mute classmate a blackboard to communicate...

But he still won't chalk to me.

How do you communicate with a fish?

Drop him a line.

What device did God use to communicate with millennials?

A tablet.

But not from Apple.

Which app does Thanos use to communicate with half of the universe? (Infinity War Spoilers)

Snapchat

How did the inmates communicate to their families after visiting hours?

Cell phones.

What did the Hershey’s bar, the marshmallow, and the cookie use to communicate?

S’mores Code

What language does a Southerner use to communicate with a Mexican?

Espan-*ya'll*.

How to blackboards communicate?

They chalk to each other

The members of the newly-formed Justice League were introducing themselves to each other.

S: “I’m Superman; I can fly, move at super speed, and have super strength.”

B: “I’m Batman; I’m the world’s greatest detective, master of many martial arts, and have gadgets that can do almost anything.”

GL: “I’m Green Lantern; my emerald bling can create constructs of anything I can i...

How do prisoners communicate?

CELL-phones

If your mom could communicate with the dead

she would be an extra large.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend is a therapist. Last night we were going to play video games and he said he was having trouble getting one of the game controllers to communicate with the receiving node.

I told him they should use "I" statements.

My wife left me this morning...

My wife left me this morning. She said that I never communicate with her properly or let her know how I feel about things.

I didn’t know what to say.

A foreign man walking...

A foreign man walking downtown suddenly feels the need for a tasty treat. His nose guides him to a little shop, but he is unable to communicate what he wants.

He decides to go to online school to learn how to communicate, but instead is distracted by something called Reddit for a week. He say...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer gets a knock on his door, it's a man who looks like he's been traveling a while.

The man asks if he could earn a meal and a place to stay for the night.

"Can you do any manual farm work?", asked the farmer.

The man said, "A bit sure, but I do have a rare gift -- I can communicate with animals."

"...sure you can," the farmer says. "But I could use a little he...

What device does Mario use to communicate with the dead?

A Lou-ouija board.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A deaf couple are struggling to initiate sex...

A deaf couple is struggling to initiate sex in the dark of night, so they decide to sit down and communicate a work around.

The wife starts writing on a notepad, “If you want to have sex with with me, squeeze my left breast once, and if you don’t want to have sex with me squeeze my right bre...

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