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Consult Jokes

Vladimir Putin consulted with a fortune teller. He asked:

"How long will I live?"

The psychic replied:
"I cannot tell that but I do know you will die on a Ukrainian holiday."

"Which holiday?" Putin asked.

"Whichever day you die will be a Ukrainian holiday."

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Received a call from a female recruitment consultant.

She said to me: "Sir I have two openings for you...!

I replied : Yes. I know 😊

There was a long silence and then she said:- asshole

I replied:- I prefer the other one...

Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve?

They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.

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After a consultation, the doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.

The bad news is that it will require castration.

You see, your testicles seem to be pressing on your spine and the pressure creates one heck of a headache.

I can relieve the pressure by removing the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to l...

An engineer had a sign in front of his clinic that said, "Medical consultation for only $50. If I can't make you better, I will pay you $100."

A doctor, knowing he can stump the engineer and wanting to get some cash, goes straight to the engineer. "Hey," he says. "I lost my sense of taste. I can't taste any food anymore."

The engineer takes a small bottle from his drawer, told the doctor to take his tongue out, and put 15 drops of t...

The sperm bank in my town offers initial consultations over Zoom.

But for follow-up appointments you have to come in person.

I was on the fence whether I should buy Office 365 and consulted my Magic 8-Ball and it said

Outlook not good!

Little Timmy is burned out working retail, so he goes to a career fair to consult a counsellor...

Timmy says "Hey Mr. Counsellor, I'm burned out, I don't like my current job and I want a career change, what do you recommend for me?"


Counsellor: "Well tell me about yourself, and what you look for in a job?"


Timmy: "I'm an introvert, I don't like to socialize, I hate it ...

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My boss just appointed me as his sexual consultant.

He said, “If I ever need your fucking advice, I’ll ask for it.”

The consultant dies and goes to heaven

When he meets Peter at the Gate, he protests:

'I am only 53, why did you take me so early?'

'You're 83, Peter replied, it was time.'

'How did you get that number, I know I am 53 and I have my birth certificate to prove it,' the consultant replied.

'We added up your time s...

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Adolf Hitler went to consult a fortune teller

He asked the fortune teller: "When will I die?"

The fortune teller answered: "Sir, You will die on a Jewish holiday"

Hitler asked back: "How are you so sure about that"

He replied: "Sir, whatever day you die on will be a Jewish holiday"

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When a lonely frog consults a fortune-teller

he's told not to worry. "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl," she says, "and she will want to know everything about you."

"That's great!" says the excited frog.

"When will I meet her?"

"Next semester," says the psychic, "in biology class."

Consulting the Shaman

A couple had been wanting to have a child for so long and was so desperate that they consulted a Shaman hoping that he could solve their problem.

The Shaman said that they would have their first child next year, with a condition that it is accompanied by a curse... that the very first name or...

Doctor's consultation.

Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion s...

Clinton consults the past

Hillary went for a walk one morning and came upon the Washington monument. She asked, "George, what should I do?" After a few seconds a ghostly voice replied, "Abolish the IRS and start over." She thought about this for a few seconds and continued her walk.

Shortly afterwards she stepped up t...

A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist

A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband: My husband is acting so weird. He drinks his morning coffee and then he goes and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!

Psychiatrist: Yes, that is weird. The handle is the best part.

You wouldn't happen to be a consultant now, would you?

One day, a shepherd was out grazing his sheep when a stranger came up to him and made him a proposition:

Stranger: If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have without counting them, will you let me have one of them as a prize?

The farmer, out of curiosity , agreed.

So the ...

A man with family problems decided to go consult a psychic.

The psychic told him to come back in two weeks, bringing along a sample of sand from his yard.

So the man went back after two weeks with the sample of sand.

The psychic performed his rituals and said to the man, "I don't know if you can handle hearing this."

"Go ahead. I want to...

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A farmer separated the bulls and cows to prepare them for the mating season a few days later

He built a wall with barbed wires on top.*

*A young bull could not resist his temptations and wanted to mate a cow.*

*Other bulls told him there was one veteran consultant bull amongst them that could help.*

*The bull went to him and asked how to cross the wall to the cows.*...

Did you know UPS consulted Matthew McConaughey to help UPS eliminate inefficient left turns on deliveries?

He told them, "All right all right all right"

Before difficult descisions I like to consult both my head and my heart.

Although my head tells me to make rational and educated descisions, my heart tells me that I need to exercise more.

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Johnny wanted to have sex !!!

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else…

One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I’ll give you a £100 if you let me screw you, But the girl said NO.

Johnny said, "I’ll be fast. I’ll throw the money on the floor, ...

Consult an audiophile before buying new headphones

Their reasoning is pretty sound

A woman consulted a plastic surgeon...

...and asked for a breast enlargement. After the doctor explained the procedure and the costs she stated that she couldn’t afford that much. The doctor replies that he recently heard of a new method: „Just take some toilet paper and rub it up and down your chest once or twice a day.“ Surprised the w...

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Three men consult a Ouija board to speak with a demon

The first man asks "What is your name?"

The planchette doesn't move.

Thinking the demon must not like the first man, the second man also asks "What is your name?"

The planchette refuses to move. However, a faint growling echoes from behind them.

After an uncomfortable fe...

Just got fired as an IT consultant

It all went wrong when my lady boss told me to grab the rack.

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A little old lady schedules a consultation with a high-class lawyer.

She says to the lawyer, “That bitch Linda from down the street stole my pastry recipe! Now she’s selling MY recipe at the church bake sale and telling everyone it’s hers! I want to file suit for theft of my intellectual property!”

The lawyer patiently hears her story, and replies, “Ma’am, I’m...

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A man and his wife are having trouble in bed...

... the woman never even gets close to having an orgasm. She complains to her husband that it is way too warm in their house and that's why she can't have an orgasm.

The man decides to consult a sex therapist for a possible solution. The therapist says the man should cool his wife off by waf...

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The shepherd and the consultant

A shepherd is tending to his flock without a worry in the world as suddenly a sports car screeches to a halt next to him, out jumps a well dressed man saying "Hello shepherd, if I can tell you how many sheep you have in your flock, I may take one?"

The shepherd shrugs and the man starts to fi...

An older joke but a good one- A frog goes into the bank…

and hops up to a teller. He can see from her name plate that she is called Patricia Whack,
so he says "Ms. Whack, I'd like to borrow $30,000, please."
The teller asks for his name and the frog replies that he is Kermit Jagger, son of Mick Jagger, and a personal friend of the bank manager. Unc...

The definition of a consultant is..

..someone who can tell you on your watch what time it is

If you have a problem eating coins, perhaps you should consult a life coach...

It'll inspire change within yourself

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A married man suffering from stuttering consulted a famous doctor

The doctor carefully examines the patient and comes to a conclusion that his dick is too huge and needs to be replaced with a smaller one. After a long pause, the patient agrees and had the surgery. When he woke up, his stuttering was gone and was satisified.

After a few weeks he comes back t...

The Consultant

A timeless lesson on how Consultants can make a difference.

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he als...

Trading gold for a good consulting / corporate or office joke...

Guys, it's been a long day, I need a laugh and I've got three months of gold to give away. Help me out?

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The spoon

Customer at restaurant drops a spoon. Waiter nearby immediately replaces the dropped spoon with a clean one from his breast pocket. Next time the customer sees him, the waiter has a new spoon in his breast pocket so the customer asks about the spoon.


“The owners hired a consultant some t...

Why do skeletons make good consultants?

They’ve got no skin in the game, no guts and no balls.

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Micky and Minnie Mouse are consulting their lawyer about planning a divorce.

Halfway through reading Mickie's statement, the lawyer finds something odd.

"So it says here," he inquires, eyebrow notched," that you want to divorce your wife because she's, ahem, 'extremely silly'?


"No," Mickie shouted, hardly able to control his anger. " I want the divorce beca...

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How many consultants does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to collect all the information from the client what he wants done
1 to fill a flipchart with nonsensical bullshit
1 to whip the interns to actually collect the data required (i.e. someone has to pretend to work)
1 to write a report about it
12 to bill the work of the 18 people ...

A man was consulting his psychiatrist.

Among other questions, the doctor asked.

"Are you troubled by improper thoughts?"

"Why no!" answered the patient.

"To tell the truth doctor, I rather enjoy them!"

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A nurse is standing in a consultation room with a patient

The patient says"this is a little embarrassing so please don't laugh"

The nurse "I've been a nurse for 12 years nothing you show me is going to make me laugh"

The man drops his trousers revealing a penis the size and girth of a triple A battery.

The nurse stifles her giggle but ...

The world's richest man is dying...

The world's richest man is dying. He has made peace with that.

But what is bothering him so much is that no one in the afterlife will even know that he has amassed such a colossal personal fortune. On Earth, everyone knows he's a self-made man who built this huge fortune from scratch, but he...

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" The guy replies, "I’m Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City." St. Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and ent...

So a guy walks into a bank in Manhattan and asks for the loan officer

The loan officer comes over immediately.

“How can I help you, sir?” he asks.

“I’m going out of town on business for two weeks and need to borrow $5,000,” the man answers.

The loan officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan.

So, the man ho...

Hey Doc, the invisible Man is here for a consultation.

Tell him I can't see him right now.

An apiarist consults his family doctor about a troubling rash.

Doctor: You have hives.
Apiarist: Yes many, and they are my pride and joy.
Doctor: Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.

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The Pope contracts a rare terminal illness.

The best specialists were quietly called in from around the world for consultation. After much debate and research, they determined that the only hope to save the Pope's life was for him to have sexual relations with a woman. His advisors were notified and they in turn spoke in confidence with the p...

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Restaurant got Business Consultation

A client ordered a soup in a restaurant but he didn't get his spoon so he calls the waiter over. The waiter just grabs in his breast pocket and pulls out a spoon and hands it to the customer. The customer is pleasantly surprised and goes "that sure went quick, you guys always carry an extra spoon ar...

Man: Hey! How much is your consultation fee? Lawyer : $100- for 3 questions.

Man: That's pretty expensive isn't it?

Lawyer : Yes, now what is your third question.

When a cop asks a criminal about local crimes, they're "consulting with their CI"

When I ask a criminal about local crimes, I'm "consorting with known felons" and "violating my parole."

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Doctor's Consultation

A patient returns to the doctors office for a consultation regarding his x-rays and biopsies.
The Doctor says, "I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like first?"
The patient says, "Give me the bad news first."
The doctor says, "You've got terminal cancer and have at m...

An IT consultant is fixing KFC's website.

While editing the code, he noticed a line that simply said, "KFC RULES" with improper syntax, which caused the site to crash. When he asked who wrote the code, he was told that Harland Sanders, the founder of KFC, was the one responsible.

The IT guy responded, "That's what I call a Colonel Er...

Meeting with the eye surgeon is such a scam, I paid over $500 just for the consultation!

And I still don't know who I'm seeing.

A man planning his holiday consulted a travel agent.

"Last year you suggested the Maldives, and when I returned my wife was pregnant. The year before you suggested the Bahamas, and when I returned my wife was pregnant. And the year before that I went to Bali, and when I got back, my wife was pregnant. Could you suggest somewhere cheaper this year so ...

Where did all the Cyber security consultants go for the last few days?

They ransomware.

A young couple consults Jerry Springer to confirm the baby daddy is the real farther.

DNA results:

The good news is... you *are* the father.

The bad news is... you *are also* the uncle.

A guy goes to the doctor.

Guy: "Doctor, I have a problem. Put your ear next to my left thigh & listen."

Doctor does this & hears a tiny voice: "Lend me $20 please? I'll pay it back next week."

Doctor: "How strange."

Guy: That's nothing. Put your ear next to my left knee."

The doctor obeys...

I've recently had severe bowel incontinence, so I decided to consult my doctor before starting up a daily powerwalking routine...

When I asked how my condition will affect my walks, my doctor responded, "Nothing severe, but you never know when the walks will turn into the runs."

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A gynecologist asks his colleague for a consultation.

A doctor is doing some paperwork when a colleague enters his office.

"You have to see this. I have a patient whose clitoris is like a watermelon!"

They both go to the examination room, where a woman is in the stirrups with a cloth covering her private parts. The doctor raises the clo...

How many senior medical consultants does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one.


He holds up the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.

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Jewish Sex

No matter what this husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm.
Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to consult their Rabbi.

The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion:
Hire a strapping young man.
<...

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SEX AND GOOD GRAMMAR

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man....

What did the management consultant think of his job?

It was the Bain of his existence.

When you spend 3 hours in line at Jenny Craig to see a weight loss consultant . . .

You over wait.

So a woman consults a lawyer saying that she wanted a divorce...

Lawyer: Do you have grounds?

Woman: Yeah, we have an acre and a half

L: No, that's not what I meant. Look, do you have a grudge?

W: Yeah, we have one for 2 cars behind the house

L: No. Look lady, does your husband beat you up?

W: No, I get up about a half hour befo...

How many consultants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I'm not sure but I'll have an answer for you next Monday.

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The Americans and The Japanese

The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced rowing hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day the Japanese won by a mile.

The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that th...

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It's a well-known fact that Hitler...

It's a well-known fact that Hitler often consulted astrologists and people involved in the occult to get direction while Germany fought in World War II.

One day he decided to thank his chief astrologer and called him into his office to say, "we've done really well in the war and I'm grateful...

The forest animals were concerned that their habitat was being destroyed by logging, so they consulted the oldest wisest tree in the middle of the forest to ask what they could do to save it.

The wise old tree thought about it and said "Perhaps the bears can scare the loggers away.” The bears snarled and charged the loggers to scare them.

It worked initially, but then the loggers hired hunters and soon there were no bears left to scare anyone.

The logging resumed and the fo...

A Social Media Consultant walks into a bar and orders a drink.

He copies-and-pastes the drink to five other bars and requests that they become a fan of it, then bills the first bar for six drinks.

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a cocktail

The bartender spends a minute measuring and pouring ingredients, and when he’s done he takes a spoon out of his shirt pocket, stirs the drink, and hands it to the guy.

The guy takes a sip and then asks the bartender: “do you always carry a spoon in your shirt pocket?”

The bartender rep...

A physician, a civil engineer, and a consultant were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.

The physician remarked, "Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The civil engineer interrupted, and said, "But even earlier in the book of Genesi...

5 friends new to the business world asked a consultant of what to do with their money.

The consultant told them to buy a taxi as it is a good business and since they are 5 they can have it run for many hours and days.

The 5 friends bought a taxi and started the work. A month later they had really bad numbers. So they decided to go back to the consultant again.

They ask...

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A Mechanical Engineer, a Special Projects Solution Consultant, and a Software Engineering were riding in a car over a mountain pass....

....Suddenly, the brakes fail just as they crest the rise.

As they begin to plummet unchecked down the mountain, the driver begins a miraculous set of actions, feathering the body of the car against the side of the mountain as well as other vehicles, while simultaneously downshifting the eng...

Pill commercials nowadays be like

“After just one use, derpatine fixed my knee pain and I can run again!”

“Consult a doctor if you’re experiencing any headaches, nausea, muscle pain, blurry vision, nasal congestion, loss of sight, kidney failure, hernia, heart attacks, strokes or knee pain after using derpatine”

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Getting a vasectomy soon.....

I'm saving this joke to tell my wife when I get home from the consult because she's been on me to lose weight a lot lately.


Great news, babe. The dick doc said I can jerk off WHENEVER I want.
His exact words were "You could have a stroke at any time" but I know what he meant.

The CEO of KFC requests an audience with the Pope.

After some discussion, the CEO tells the Pope that he has a proposition. The company will make a $1 billion donation to the Catholic Church on one condition- that the Lord’s Prayer wording be officially changed from “give us this day our daily bread” to “give us this day our daily chicken.”
The p...

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A man found his dick all red and swollen after banging a hooker.

In a panick he rushed to his family doctor to get it checked. The doc told him there was no cure and the only way was to have it amputated.

Refusing to accept his fate, he stomped out of the clinic and went to the best urologist in his country. But even there he was told that there was no cur...

I've been studying Canadian Geese for many years with an obsession in the V shape flight pattern, 97% of the time one side of the V is longer than the other, But Why ? I consulted the top Ornithologist and through years of monitoring flight patterns I now know why

There are more Geese on that side !

A rich man on his deathbead...

calls his three lawyers in for a final consultation.

"They say you can't take it with you, but I'm going to prove them wrong! I'm giving you each a third of my money. At my funeral, I want you to throw it in my grave so that it's buried with me."

After the funeral, the lawyers are ...

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The key to a happy marriage...

A couple who have been married for a few years decide to consult a marriage counsellor to try and resolve their problems. To begin, the marriage counsellor says the couple, "Tell me something you two have in common."

The husband quickly replies, "Well, neither of us sucks dick."

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[request] There used to be so many good jokes about men refusing to ask for directions or consult maps when driving. Now GPS is insanely popular. Someone please connect these two things and make it funny.

Personally I hate GPS in the car because it skews your perspective and makes me lose what little innate bearings I have. I'd much rather study a big analog map prior to getting in the car. In the 80's, and probably prior to that, men were commonly the butt of jokes for getting lost for being too pro...

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A man with a stutter goes to the doctor

A man goes to the doctor to consult regarding his stutter.

&nbsp;
**Man:** "D-d-d-doctor, have the re-re-re-results come back yet about the source of my st-st-st-stutter?"

&nbsp;
**Doctor:** "Yes, after extensive examination, I have determined that the reason for your s...

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The old gunfighter is getting worried

He feels that as he is getting older he is slowing down, and some of the youngsters are getting damn good. He decides he will consult a “gunfighter trainer” to help him improve his technique and show him the latest tricks.

He goes into the bar, and walks up to the gunfighter trainer at a t...

If your election lasts more than 48 hours,

consult a physician.

How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?



one to issue the requisition form LB24, one to sign the work order DF69, three to consult with management and reject both forms as not applicable to maintenance as per regulations. Seventeen to form a fact finding committee to discuss the overuse of LB24,after ten months of debate, there wi...

Four doctors are sitting in a boat in the reeds, duck hunting.

The family practitioner spots a flock of fowl flying overhead, turns to the specialist and says: "I think those are ducks. I need a second opinion."

The specialist says: "I can schedule you in for a consult in two months."

The surgeon picks up his shotgun. BLAM-BLAM-BLAM!!! Three of t...

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So a Japanese company and a North American company decided to have a canoe race...

So a Japanese company and a North American company decided to have a canoe race on the St. Lawrence River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The North Americans, very discouraged and depressed, deci...

The pharmacist took an extended lunch break without telling his assistant.

When he was gone, a man with severe cough came in for a consultation and was informed that the pharmacist was out to lunch, and the assistant wasn't sure when he was coming back.

The man begged the assistant for help since he was so miserable, and the assistant had to think quick.

An...

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A woman visited an Amazonian tribe on a research trip...

She spent several days taking notes on the lifestyle and habits of the tribe and interviewing their ruler, King Paolo, via an interpreter. As the tribe's land was near several rich gold mines, the king and his people were extremely wealthy.

During the woman's time with him, the king fell hop...

A lawyer, Jones, is questioning his witness, Smith, during a murder trial.

Jones: Mr Smith, can you tell us what the deceased said before he died?

Smith: Yes, I can. He said...

Judge: Now hold on a minute. I'm not sure if it could be considered hearsay if I allowed Mr Smith to continue.



This led to a long argument between both lawyers and the j...

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Head of Company: We need to stop testing our products on animals

Consultant: Why? The shampoo companies do it. Head of Company: Yeah, but we make dildos.

I told the insurance investigators that they can't rule in my act of god claim.

I want to consult with priests instead.

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The patient goes to see a doctor: “I am pooping like noodles!”

“Like literally, my poop is shaped like noodles,” the patient says as he sits down in the consulting room.

Doc is dumbfounded. In all his years of training and practice, he hasn’t encountered a symptom like this. He thinks hard and prescribes some antibiotics, hoping they will solve the probl...

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A man goes to visit a divorce attorney.

"There's just no saving this marriage," the man says, "so I want to make a clean break."

The attorney sighs and consults his notes. "Well, sir, your cited grounds don't make you look good. According to you, your husband is quite the philanthropist... but you're mad that he's distributing clas...

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Golfing

An Priest, a Doctor, and an Engineer are golfing. There is a group ahead of them moving really slow. The course manager stops by and asks if everything is alright. They ask why the group ahead of them is so slow. He explains that it is a blind group of firefighters that lost their sight putting out ...

A Doctor was chatting at a party with a Chartered Accountant.

He asked, "How do I manage this delicate issue when people even at a party like this ask me about their joint pains and heartburn and gas trouble. Just because I am a doctor.... not fair!"

The CA friend replied coolly, "Just tell them the right things politely but send them a bill from your c...

How do you perform a circumcision?

Consult your doctor, only a professional knows how to pull it off.

Oedipus wants to learn of his fate.

He travels to Thebes to consult the blind prophet Tiresias and asks him, "What does my future hold?"

Tiresias thinks quietly for a time and answers, "First you'll murder your father."

Oedipus is shocked to hear that he'll become a killer, but there must be more to his fate.

He ...

In the early 90's, a lonely stray dog wanted a friend and got an idea when reading an old paper...

So the dog walked into the local paper to place an advert in the social column. "I'm lonely" advised the dog "please place an ad that reads: *Woof woof woof. Woof woof. Woof woof woof woof woof woof. Woof. Woof*."

The sales consultant writes it all down before offering "I'll let you in on a s...

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Man walks into the hospital, all shy and embarrassed. “Please help!, I’ve had sex, it was my first time! now it hurts and it stings! I’m so worried”

He’s put in a private room and the doctor is called to examine the patient, the chart reads, young male, had sex and now his penis hurts. The doctor gets to him, asks his name and proceed to consult him, asking the patient to get naked, the patient obediently gets naked and lets the doctor get to wo...

A question on an internet forum...

A question on an internet forum:

Q: Please help, I have this great itching between my toes.

A: Well, that depends. If the itching is between all toes, consult a dermatologist. If the itching bothers you only between your two big toes, consult a gynecologist.

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John owned a Pizzeria with his buddy Harry.

But John wasn't satisfied with only making pizza every day. He wanted to study and walk a different path in life. So he decided to get back to school.

He told his buddy Harry that he would go see a consultant to talk about which subjects he should study.

The next day he went to meet wi...

What goes up, must come down.

If it hasn't after 4 hours,consult your doctor .

Follow the rules

A large corporation with expansive grounds interviewed a tribe of reformed cannibals for the outdoor maintenance positions. During the interview process, they were told, "You'll receive full benefits as employees, but you're not allowed to eat anybody, which would result in immediate dismissal and c...

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Man goes to a fortune teller

Fortune teller read his palm, look into a crystal ball, consult cards and then says:

"I'm sorry, but however I'm looking, all I get is, that you will be responsible for death of millions and millions of people."

Distraught man then thinks he can't live with that knowledge, so he decide...

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A Brazilian and a Venezuelan gets into a fight

They cant agree on which country has the best ass cheeks. To settle the debate in a fair non partisan manner they decide to consult the most advance AI of the Time.



The AI prompts them to word their question very carefully because it always outputs exactly what it is asked from it. <...

tech job

I heard this morning that I didn't get the job as an IT consultant that I applied for. They said I wasn't tech savvy enough. I was so angry that I went to the machine in my office and sent them really angry fax thingy.

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