A man and a woman rotate to the same table in a game of speed dating.

"Hi!" says the woman cheerfully, "Just so you know, I'm deaf, but I can read lips. Just talk as you normally do and I'll let you know if I didn't catch something. So, what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a ventriloquist," says the man.

"What?" says the woman.

I love the way Earth rotates...

It really makes my day.

I was tired of watching the moon rotate for 24 hours

So I decided to call it a day

What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies?

A rotisserie chicken.

After Astronomers discovered the Earth rotates about an axis...

They got bored and decided to call it a day!

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3 guys are hiking through the woods when they find a lamp

One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie.
It booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes." The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact ...

I was at a zoo with my kids…

and, kids being kids, they begged to go to the petting zoo. When we got there, we went straight to the goats, an animal my children love. When we got there, we did not see any kids for my children to pet. I looked around for a zookeeper and asked about them. She basically said that the goats are...

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3 men are walking through the desert when they stumble across a lamp. They dust it off and a Genie pops out, the genie says "I will grant each of you 3 wishes!"

The first man says "I wish for a million dollars!" "Alright" says the Genie and just like that a million dollars appears at the man's feet.

The second man says "I wish for unlimited money" "Alright" says the Genie "Check your bank account" The man checks on his phone and sure enough there's a...

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3 men are wandering the desert and find a magic lamp

One of them picks it up and gives it a rub and a genie pops out.

"Thank you for freeing me, as a sign of gratitude I shall grant each of you 3 wishes."

The first man quickly speaks "I wish I had a million dollars!" the genie nods and the man gets his phone, checks his bank account and ...

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A teenager was standing in front of a recruiter, about to sign his life away to the Marines.

The recruiter promised him adventure and action, and the teenager was buying it all up. He finished his training (Semper Fi!) and was immediately given his first posting: he was going to Afghanistan. Being an FNG, the Devil Dog worked long and worked hard, but by the end of his tour, he felt he had ...

Angel Gabriel approached God

“What are you doing there?” he asked.

“Well” said God, “You know this planet I’ve been creating?”

“Yeah, what of it?”

“I’ve discovered that I can cause it to rotate in space, and given the position of that star I made earlier; Sol, it allows, in the most part, for a 24hr period ...

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(OC) A Hippie walks by a businessman...

A Hippie is walking by and sees a businessman looking over some construction that had been started on a plot of land. The Hippie is alarmed and exclaims "What are you doing?!"

The businessman responds by saying that this piece of land was bought by his company. The land was good and the found...

Three best friends stumble upon a genie lamp.

As a joke, the first one begins to rub it, and all three are surprised when a genie pops out in full Arabian gear. The genie eyes all three of the awestruck men and nods regally.

"I am a Jinn of the Somali. As you have allowed me to see the outside world once again, I shall grant each of you ...

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Three men are walking on the beach.

They come across a strange looking vase in the sand and one of them tries to pick it up. However it is very brittle and crushes to dust as soon as it is touched, and a genie pops out.

"I don't normally grant wishes to more than one person, but I'll make an exception," the genie says. "Each of...

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Three guys stumble upon a magic lamp.

They rub it. A genie comes out and grants them each three wishes.
For their first wish, Guy 1 wishes for a hot wife. Guy 2, looking to one-up Guy 1, wishes to be irresistible to all women.
Guy 3 wishes for his left arm to constantly rotate clockwise.

For their second wish, Guy 1 wishes ...

Three wishes

Bob, James, and Albert go for a hike in the mountains one day and they find a strange lamp. They rub it and a genie appears, the genie is so relieved to be free that he offers each of them three wishes, with the one condition that each man have at least one month between their wishes, they see this ...

I dialed a wrong number

It told me: "I'm sorry, the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate by 90 degrees and try again."

One Sunday, with one hand motion, God caused the Earth to begin to revolve around the Sun. "What should we call it when it goes all the way around?" asks Adam.

"A year," God replied.

Now, he made another hand motion, and the Earth began to rotate on a tilted axis.

"What should we call it when it rotates all the way around?" Adam asks.

God sighs and takes a seat on the grass below. "Let's call it a day."

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of

the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree

to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed from

the current position as a result of failure to p...

How many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: one to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A collection of lightbulb jokes

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-Just Juan

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-Two. One to hold the lightbulb and one to drink until the room spins.

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-Just two but who knows how the...

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. She just holds it in place, while the world revolves around her. * Beverly Hills ninja edit... rotates to revolves

A young Sauron turns in his homework...

His teacher looks at it and her face scrunches up in confusion as she rotates the paper to read the text.

"Sauron," she says, "why is all the text on these pages going in circles?"

"Oh," says Sauron, "I didn't have any lined paper so I had to make my own."

"But why does it go in...

A Communist Dies.

And since he was an honest man albeit an atheist, he was sentenced to rotate spending one year in Hell and one year in Heaven. One year passes and Satan says to God: "Take this man as fast as possible. Because he turned all my young demons into Young Pioneers, I have to restore some order." Another ...

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(Long & Dirty) A pilot, co-pilot and a stewardess survive a plane crash

So there is this plane crash above the Atlantic ocean and only the pilot, co-pilot and a stewardess survive. They manage to make it to an island and set up some little camp. After the first week, they realize that surviving is not enough. The pilot asks the stewardess: " Listen, I really need some s...

A helicopter

There are two men in a helicopter, the gunner says to the pilot,"are you going to rotate clockwise?" The pilot says,"yaw"

Science jokes

Thought i'd make a post compiling a few of my favourite science jokes. You can add your favourites in the comments below.


Q: How many physicists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Two. One to hold the lightbulb, and the other to rotate the universe around it.


Q:...

The carnival is in town so Bruce invites Garry to spend a romantic warm summer evening with him wandering around the attractions.

Bruce wins a Cupie doll and gives it to Garry. They eat corndogs and cotton candy and both of them are thinking this is the best night of my life.
Then they come across the giant ferris wheel and Garry says “lets go on that big wheel it’s my all time favourite ride in the world.”
Bruce says “...

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