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Berry Jokes

Which kind of berry you should stay away from?

rob-berry

What kind of berries are these?

\- What kind of berries are these?

\- These are red Currants

\- Then Why are they yellow?

\- Because they are green



Joke explanation for those who didn't understand really fun and smart joke.

So this joke is from Lithuania (it is a country in Europe) So fo...

Berry good

Two guys were arguing over the best way to grow strawberries. One asserted that Miracle-Gro was the best method, the other insisted that cow manure would yield the largest and sweetest berries. They finally decided to ask Mrs. Thompson, who was known far and wide for her succulent, large strawberr...

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A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people...

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.

Before he faces his sentence, he's offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him. The next day, he's led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and... nothing hap...

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A man is selling berries from a stand on the street.

One day, a woman walks up to the stand and asks the vendor, "Do you have tomatoes?"

"I'm sorry miss, but I only carry berries. I have these delisious blueberries picked fresh from the bush just this morning. Would you like to try some?" The vendor asked.

"Oh, no thanks" the woman repl...

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My friend told me this joke a while ago, and I thought that it was pretty good:

A man goes to a restaurant and sits down to eat.

The waiter comes by and asks him what he would like to eat.

The man says, “I’ll have one of your world-famous burgers with lettuce and onions on it.”

The waiter responds, “I’m sorry sir, but we’re fresh out of onions.”

“Oh,...

(NSFW) I heard that Research In Motion, the company that makes BlackBerry phones, is hiring.

So I ran a Google search on RIM Jobs. And you know what? I don't think I'm cut out for this line of work after all.

Mr. Pineapple and his Honey Melon are berry in love..

"Sweety, we are ripe for a wedding! Let's invite olive our fruity friends!"

"Are you sure we cantaloupe?"

What do you call a berry patch on a windy day?

Blewberries

Dad, what kind of Berry is that?

Dad: "It's a blackberry."

Then why is it red?

Dad: "Because it's still green."

I need help with a 17 year old joke about Jello and Communism

So my friend and I started this game 17 years ago where you have to come up with a jello (we altered the rules to allow *some* pastries) that fit a communist theme.

Everytime we come up with a new one we swear there are none left. I know he cheats, cos I cheat too. My sister came up with Ban...

BlackBerry and Apple have come together to create a something for ladies who have trouble listening.

It's been called the Black-i.

My friend Barry passed away.

It was a truly sad day when we had to bury Barry Berry. (joke only works in English)

What berry are the turtles allergic to?

Strawberry

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3 men are walking through the jungle when they get taken by cannibals

They beg for their lives are given the chance of freedom - they have to go out into the jungle and collect 10 pieces of the same fruit.

So off they go and not long after the 1st man returns with 10 apples. This is when he is told about the 2nd part of the deal

"You must insert all of t...

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Bear Alert!

Montana Grizzly Bear Notice:

In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field. We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little...

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New company mergers

(I marked it NSFW because of the last one - not sure if it's considered NSFW, so just to be safe...)

For all of you with any money, be aware of these expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations:

1. Hale Business S...

A spy stationed in a foreign country stopped responding to his handler.

A spy stationed in a foreign country stopped responding to his handler. After a while, the handler received a letter in the mail. It told her the spy has been compromised, but, before his capture, he'd snuck out some very important government secrets. He'd used the world's smallest memory card to co...

What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?

What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?

Boo-berry pie!

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What's the difference between a vegetable and a berry?

i can't vegetable my dick so far in your ass whoever could pull it out would be crowned king arthur

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Three men on an island get captured by cannibals...

And the cannibal leader tells the men that they need to explore the island to find some fruit. They then must collect ten pieces of that fruit and bring it back to the cannibals. So the men head out and after some time the first of the three returns. He has brought ten apples with him, and the canni...

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3 tribesmen were about to get punished

3 tribesmen were about to get punished. The chief told them to bring 10 fruits from their crops.

The first one brought 10 apples. The chief then said that those 10 apples would be inserted in his asshole. If he manages to not show any reaction when all the apples get inserted, he gets to live...

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Three men get lost in the forest and are found by a group of cannibals

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits....

What do you call a sad strawberry

A blue berry

What fruit always feels depressed?

A blue-berry

Stranded unfortunately...

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3 men survive a plane crash in the ocean and wash up on a random remote island. They are soon captured by the local natives who tie them up and keep them captive. After a few days of being tied up, the are brought in front of The Chief. The Chief informs them that they're to go out into t...

What's a scarecrows favourite fruit?

A straw-berry.

Octopuses Garden

An octopus walks into a bar and sees a band playing in the corner, composed of those bar-room heroes, the Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman.
He walks up and says “I’m the best musician in the world. I can play any instrument you like”.
So the English guy goes “Alright then. Play th...

Three of a kind

Coral turns white when it gets stressed. What could coral be stressed about you ask? Current events.

Eletrical engineers make mistakes when they get stressed. What could an eletrical engineer be stressed about you ask? Current events.

Berry farmers are seeing a drop in productivity du...

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Three guys are stuck on an island full of cannibals...

The cabinnals capture them unless they each bring back ten fruit.

The first comes back with ten bananas. The Tribe Leader tells him that they will shove the bananas up his ass, and if he laughs or winces he gets eaten. He gets the ten bananas shoved up his ass, but he cries out and is sent t...

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An Englishman and an American are trekking through the jungle when they’re captured by a fierce tribe of cannibals.

The leader of the cannibals tells the duo he and his tribe will eat them unless they go into the jungle and collect 100 pieces of fruit in an hour. The American and the Englishman agree and they each go into the woods. The Englishman is the first to return, carrying a 100 berries in his arms.
...

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A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin.

Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.


On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets
as her husband undresses in the darkness.

He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.

'My darring,' he whispers, 'I know dis you firss ...

What's an uneducated person's least favorite fruit?

The Li-berry

Three anthropologists get captured by a tribe of cannibals...

The chieftain proclaims to them: "You shall head out into the jungle, and each bring me a dozen pieces of any one fruit, or else we will eat you!"

The three head out. After an hour, the first one returns, carrying 12 Bananas. The chief looks at them with pleasure and says: "And now I want you...

An American lawyer invited a Czechoslovakian friend to stay with him in his mountain cabin.

Early in the morning, the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they were picking blueberries, along came two big Bears - a male and a female.
The lawyer, seeing the two bears, climbed a tree.

His friend wasn't so lucky and the male ...

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Three explorers are exploring a jungle when they come across a tribe of native people...

The natives capture them, and will give them freedom if they follow specific instructions. Each explorer is to go back and find five of the same fruits/vegetables/greens, each explorer finding a different fruit/veggie. So the three explorers go out to complete the task.
The first explorer comes b...

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Here’s one for ya

Three guys go and explore a jungle. They get captured by a clan of cannibals. The cannibals tell them to go into the jungle and pick 5 of the same fruit and bring it back.

The first guy comes back with 5 coconuts. The cannibals tell him that if he can get all five up his butt without making a...

What do you call a fruit that studies the night before a test?

A cram-berry.

Three christian missionaries stumble upon a cannibal tribe in a tropical jungle

They are immediately captured, and taken back to the village.



The first missionary is brought in front of the chief, who amazingly speaks good English.

He tells the first missionary, "head out into the jungle, find a single fruit, and bring ten of its kind back. Don't think of ...

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My uncle once told me to go to the basement and get Naked,

I asked him whether he wanted Mighty Mango or Berry Blast.

3 guys are lost in the jungle, they are soon discovered by a tribe of cannibals and are taken back to their village...

...the chief gives them a task to avoid death. "Go into the jungle and pick 10 of the first fruit you find." The first man finds plums and brings back 10. The chief speaks, "You need to shove all 10 into your back exit without making a facial expression or you will be eaten alive." The man shoves on...

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Three men walking through a forest are ambushed by tribals...

...and are taken to the Chief. The Chief says, "I will set you free if you can bring me an offering of a fruit of your choice. Take your time roaming the forest, but be warned that you will be tracked - make any attempt to escape and you will be killed on the spot."

The three men set off, in ...

What do you call research involving Eggs, Strawberries and Altoids?

An Eggs-Berry-Mint

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3 dudes stranded in an island

3 dudes stranded in an island. They are trying to survive together, unfortunately, there is a cult around there and the cult captures them right away. More for their despair, the cult leader is a human eater dude who loves sick stuff.

The leader gives 3 dudes a challenge. They will let them...

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3 guys wash up onto a beach...

Many days after their plane crashed into the ocean. They are almost immediately aggresively approached by the indigenous population and surrounded. The chief appears and tells them he will let them live if they can pass his test, but first each person must go into the jungle and find 10 pieces of ...

What do you do to a dead fruit?

You *berry* it.

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Documentary Crew on a Cannibal Island

A documentary crew of three guys explore an island and stumble across some natives. The natives turn out to be cannibals and the three guys get captured and tied up.

They are each given an option;

"You can either complete our two trials, fail and we'll kill you and eat you or don't tak...

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There were 3 guys, exploring a jungle one day...

They were caught by a tribe of cannibals, but instead of being killed they were brought to the tribal chief.

The chief told them he would let the 3 live, but they had to do 2 things. First off, they had to go into the jungle, and collect 10 pieces of a fruit they find. They would be told thei...

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Three American anthropologists head to an island...

inhabited by a group of indigenous cannibals, in order to study the native culture. While filming the natives, the three men are captured by a savage hunting party are returned to the native's village.
The Americans are told by the chief that they have one chance to save their lives. Each perso...

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