My dad chopped Onions, and I cried...

Onions was such a good dog ;-;

(It’s meh cake day, please don’t booli me)

My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry

So I threw a coconut at her

What's the difference between people and onions?

I cry when I chop up onions

My dad is chopping up Onions in the other room, I’ve been crying all day.

Onions was a good dog, but I’m still pretty excited for taco night.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

**NSFW** A 20 year old joke

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hangi...

People always cry when cutting onions.

The trick is not to form an emotional bond.

Why do onions lock their doors when they study?

To make sure they're onionterrupted.

I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry

Onions was a good dog...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

have you ever heard of the garlic and onions diet?

you eat garlic and onions only for a week, you don't get much thinner but people will stay far away from you so you seem smaller.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cucumber, a pickle and a penis are talking.

Cucumber says: "man, when I get big, fat and juicy, they cut me up and put me in the salad"

Pickle goes: "Shit, when I get big, fat and juicy, they put me in vinegar and onions for a month!"

Penis replies: "Well, when I get big, fat and juicy, they put a bag all over me, put me in a da...

People are like onions

They make me cry but they smell good when they're cooking

Recently a new supermarket opened nearby

It has an automatic water mist generator to keep the produce fresh.

Just before it starts the mist, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk section, you hear cows mooing and you get the scent of freshly cut hay.

In the meat depar...

Alot of people cry when they cut onions

Trick is: Just try not to get too emotionally attached.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wanted to kiss his date

Her mouth smelled like shit
He said your mouth smells like shit
She got upset and left.
The man’s friend advised him to not be blunt and ask her indirectly: “did you eat onions today, or have you been to the dentist”

On the following date her mouth smelled like shit and the man asked...

I cried whenever my dad cut onions

I miss Onions. He was my favourite brother

My little brother told me that onions and garlic are the only foods that make you cry

But why did he cry when i threw the coconut at his head?

Many vegetables live above ground. Not onions though.

Onions have lairs.

A little known fact about me is I never cry when cutting onions

Just the rest of the time.

What do you get if you eat onions with beans?

Teargas.

I used to cry when my dad cut onions

Onions was a good dog, I miss him dearly

I was walking past my fridge last night when I thought I heard two onions singing a BeeGees song.

But when I opened the door it was just the chives talking.

Onions

There's an onion, and he's studying law at a prestigious college. He's in his third year, and after a particularly tough day, he gets an invite from one of his onion-friends to a party they're having that evening. Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs...

A guy goes to a fast food shop.

He goes to the counter and asks the worker (old lady) for a burger without onions. The lady takes a couple minutes inside the kitchen and comes back saying to the guy: “I’m sorry darling but we’ve run out of onions, can I offer you a burger without tomatoes instead”.

I was chopping up onions and my kids started to cry.

Onions is a stupid name for a dog anyway.

Did you hear about the family of onions that died?

They will be forever minced.

Some people say onions are the only veg that make you cry

They've never been hit in the face by a turnip

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

English Literature Class

Professor starts the literature class. "Today's lesson is metaphors. A metaphor conceptualizes and exaggerate a big thing into a small creative image. As an example you can say 'The snow is a white blanket' instead of saying that snow is white. Can anyone say a similar metaphor ? "

"Tom Crui...

Did you know Sean Connery is a massive fan of onions?

Yeah, apparently he likesh them shallot

I was eating green onions when all of a sudden, I started rhyming everything that I was saying.

It turns out, they were rap scallions.

2 onions fall in love and mate, they give birth to a beautiful son!

One day, they leave the front door open on accident and the young onion rolls out into the world.

While crossing the street, the poor onion child gets flattened in the road...

He is then rushed to the hospital, the father rolling around in the hall, extremely anxious to hear any news.<...

A man is checking out at the grocery store.

He buys a dozen eggs, two boxes of pasta, waffles, a bag of onions, lunch meat, oatmeal, sparkling water and throws on a pack of gum at the register.
The woman behind him says "you must be single"
"Why yes I am! Did you figure this out by noticing all the stuff I bought?"
"Nope, it's becaus...

Man: "Can I have a pizza with liver and onions."

Dominos: "We don't do liver."

Man with hand over the phone whispering to his wife, "I thought you said they do the liver?"

Wife: "I said they do deliver."

Man: "Not according to this guy."

I learned in Culinary School today the only way to cut Onions and not cry.....

You have to not become emotionally attached to the Onion.

You know what they say about opinions?

Take away the 3.14159265359 and you have onions

Years are like onions:

Millions, Billions, Onions.

What do you call a Monk with osteoporosis who likes eating onions and walks everywhere barefoot

He’s a Super fragile calloused mystic plagued with halitosis.

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