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Strawberries Jokes

My farmer friend told me that horse manure is excellent for strawberries.

I said, “You may be right, but I still prefer whipped cream.”

A woman dies and goes to the gates of heaven.

When she gets there, she is perplexed and confused to find everyone furiously cracking eggs, dumping flour, and mixing batter.

She turns around and sees an entire section dedicated to decoration, with elaborate concoctions of strawberries, frosting, and tiering at every station.

Fina...

A couple in their 80's

A couple in their 80's were having problems remembering things, so they decided to the go the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they are physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man get...

A bear opens up a grocery store in the woods

A bunny walks in the store and goes to the bear.

“Mr. Bear, mr. bear do you have strawberries?”

“No I don’t” responded the bear.

A few minutes pass and the bunny asks again.

“Mr. Bear, mr. bear do you have strawberries?”

The bear confused responds.

“You just...

What do you call strawberries playing the guitar?

A jam session.

Why were the strawberries upset?

Because their parents were in a jam.

My grandma was known all over town for her delicious strawberries. She made me promise that when she died I would plant strawberries over her grave so that everyone could visit her and enjoy them. I fulfilled her wish.

She’s dead and berried.

A lorry carrying 300kg of strawberries crashed into a lorry carrying 50kg of sugar.

Instead of helping clear up the accident cars drove through the mess and the jam was getting thicker!

Where does Strawberry milk come from anyway?

To the best of my knowledge, Strawberries do not have nipples.

Two farmers met at the road

They greet eachother and the first one realises the other one is carrying a big bucket.

"Howdy, Mike! What are you carrying in that bucket?"

"Well -he answers-, it's some fine manure for them strawberries!"

"Good lord, Mike! -yells the first one- You really should try them stra...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[OC] Three married women are discussing blowjobs.

"My husband always asks for them," the first woman complains, "but I can't stand the taste."

"Make him swallow whole chunks of pineapple," suggests the second woman. "It will change the flavor of his semen."

The third woman perks up at this. "Wait, the taste changes depending on what m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The boy

A little boy is walking down the country road one day when he comes across a man who has a truckload of cow manure.
The boy asks him what he’s going to do with all that cow poop. The man says, “I’m taking it home to put on my strawberries.” The little boy looks up at the man and says, “I don’t kn...

In a farmers market, Farmer A sells pumpkins, Farmer B sells strawberries, what does Farmer C sell?

Medicine

... runs off ...

What do you call research involving Eggs, Strawberries and Altoids?

An Eggs-Berry-Mint

On the freeway, a truck spilled its cargo of strawberries, which were then crushed by the cars followed behind.

Caused a traffic jam.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man is walking down the street with a bag slung over his shoulder...

A young man is walking down the street in the opposite direction. As they are about to pass, the curious youngster asks, “Hey old man, what’s in the bag?”. The old man replies, “In this bag young sir are magic apples!”. The young fella replies, “Bullshit!”. The old man takes the bag off of his shoul...

Did you hear about the truck full of sugar that collided with the truck full of strawberries?

Created one hell of a jam.

What do you call blueberries, raspberries and strawberries inside of a hidden chest?

Berried Treasure.

A poor man was looking for a job

For weeks he couldn't find one, and he barely had any money left when he found a job at a company as a bathroom cleaner. He went to the office, and after discussing with the boss, he got the job "One thing," said the boss, "I'll need to send you our policy to sign via email". The man looked at him ...

I'm kinda new to gardening...

Someone suggested I put horse manure on my strawberries.

Well, I'm never doing that again...

I'll just stick to whipped cream.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The prisoners’ last meals

3 prisoners were sentenced to death row and offered their last meal. The first one, a Brit said, fish and chips and a really good drink. And the guards gave it to him.

The second one, an Italian said, the finest risotto. And the guards gave it to him.

The third one, a Jew said strawb...

A man’s last meal

So a prisoner is about to be executed and the guards ask him,
“What do you want your last meal to be?”

“Strawberries”he responds.

“But it’s winter. We can’t get strawberries until spring”

“Eh. I’ll wait”

A farmer purchased a new oxen to help plow his field.

The animal hadn’t been well-tamed and the farmer struggled to keep the beast under control. One day, the oxen freaked out and started tearing through the field, dredging up all of the seeds and plants that they had already sewn into the soil. The farmer’s corn and soybean plants were all destroyed. ...

Some losses may be your gain

An unemployed man applies for a job as a toilet cleaner at a large computer company and takes an appointment for an interview with the company's manager.

During the interview, the manager told the unemployed person: You have been accepted for the job.

But we need your email to send you...

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The double flavored apple store

A man just moved to a new town from far away, and one day decides to take a walk around to get to know the area.

While walking down the street and checking out all the stores along the way, he notices one that seemed unusual. The sign above read "Jerry's Double Flavored Apples." Curious, the ...

A soapbox orator addresses a crowd on the glories of communism

“Come the revolution, everyone will eat strawberries and cream!” A man at the front whimpers, “But I don’t like strawberries and cream.” The speaker thunders, “Come the revolution, you will like strawberries and cream!”

Berry good

Two guys were arguing over the best way to grow strawberries. One asserted that Miracle-Gro was the best method, the other insisted that cow manure would yield the largest and sweetest berries. They finally decided to ask Mrs. Thompson, who was known far and wide for her succulent, large strawberr...

A Women enters a grocery store

"What are these round green things back there?" she asks the cashier

"Those are apples ma'am" he responds

"Ok, can I have a kilo... ...and pack only one per bag please"

next the women walks up to another shelf and aks:

"What are those orange things i am looking at here?...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy was driving down a long stretch of country highway, when he approached a fruit stand.

The sign above read, "We have
peaches that taste like anything
and everything, guaranteed!"
The man thought about it, and
decided to stop.
He thought this has to be
bullshit. So he approaches the
old, feeble man behind the
stand and says, "So, you have
peaches that taste l...

Pigmy kids bragging

Most kids brag about how tall their fathers are, but pigmy kids brag about how small their fathers are.

One day three kids are playing when one says, "My dad's only 3'1"."

2nd kid says, "That's nothing. My dad's 2'11"."

The 3rd kid was quiet so they asked, How tall is your dad?...

My mom just told a terrible dad joke.

I was outside talking with my parents around the fire and I mentioned that I had read on reddit today that the astronauts were going to eat space-grown produce for the first time ever. My mother upon hearing this said:

"I hear they're growing strawberries and they're going to make space jam...

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