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A man bursts into a doctor’s surgery. “Doctor, doctor! I’ve got strawberries coming out of my anus!”

The doctor asks if the man would like some cream for it

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A man is selling berries from a stand on the street.

One day, a woman walks up to the stand and asks the vendor, "Do you have tomatoes?"

"I'm sorry miss, but I only carry berries. I have these delisious blueberries picked fresh from the bush just this morning. Would you like to try some?" The vendor asked.

"Oh, no thanks" the woman repl...

A woman dies and finds herself at the gates to haven.

When she gets there, she is confused as she saw how many others are standing and sitting outside, cracking eggs, mixing batter, and baking something.

She turns around and sees an entire section dedicated to decoration, with elaborate concoctions of strawberries, frosting, and tiering at every...

How do you call a bunch of strawberries playing the guitar?

A jam session.

What do you call research involving Eggs, Strawberries and Altoids?

An Eggs-Berry-Mint

In a farmers market, Farmer A sells pumpkins, Farmer B sells strawberries, what does Farmer C sell?

Medicine

... runs off ...

Did you hear about the truck full of sugar that collided with the truck full of strawberries?

Created one hell of a jam.

What do you call blueberries, raspberries and strawberries inside of a hidden chest?

Berried Treasure.

An old couple started thinking they had memory problems.

They went to the doctor and he said both of their brains seemed fine but he suggested that they take notes whenever they need to remember something. One night they were watching tv. The husband got up to go get ice cream. “Can you get me one too?” The wife asked. “Okay.” Said the husband.”Shouldn’t ...

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Strawberries are like porn stars.

They both have the seed on the outside.

An 80yr old couple go to the doctors for a routine check up.

The doctor comes back with the results and says "Physically you are both fit as fiddles for your age. However mentally you are both beginning to lose it a bit. My suggestion for now is write things down when you think of them, that way you can keep on top of your to-do's".

So they go home, re...

A Scotsman, an Englishman, and Irishman (Paddy, of course) survived a plane crash, and were washed ashore on a desert island.

A Scotsman, an Englishman, and Irishman (Paddy, of course) survived a plane crash, and were washed ashore on a desert island.

They were there for years, and became quite emaciated, with the lack of food.

One day a bottle washes up on the shore. They all look at it, and Paddy rubs i...

The cow

A cow sits on a roof and knits spinach. A toast flies past and says: Fishing is prohibited here.
The cow: I do not care how much the strawberries cost, I'm here by bike anyway.

A guy walks up to a fruit stand

He orders 2lbs of apples.

The owner puts some apples in a bag, bites down on the handles, and bobs his head a couple times and says “2 pounds here you go”

Guy: “No way! Are you sure? How do you know?!”

Owner: puts the bag on the scale, it’s 2lbs on the nose. “It’s a talent that...

An old man puts on a wetsuit...

He puts on a scuba suit. Once, when he was a boy, his grandfather told him about strawberries; the man himself has never tasted them. In time, the man will tell his own grandson what he has known.

He dives deep into an Olympic sized swimming pool. He sits on the bottom, closes his eyes.
...

A man and a woman are laying in bed

They are both senior citizens and have begun losing their memory.

One day they went to the doctor to ask if they can remedy their memory loss in any way and the doctor said that no medication could help so the best thing they can start doing is writing things down to help them remember.
...

A soapbox orator addresses a crowd on the glories of communism

“Come the revolution, everyone will eat strawberries and cream!” A man at the front whimpers, “But I don’t like strawberries and cream.” The speaker thunders, “Come the revolution, you will like strawberries and cream!”

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A roadside stand has a sign that says "PEACHES $5".

A roadside stand has a sign that says "PEACHES $5". A man thinks, "There must be something special about these peaches, I'll check it out." So the man pulls over and says to the one guy standing there. "Hi, I was wondering why these peaches are so expensive. Is there something special about them?"<...

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Tasty Peaches

A guy was driving down a long stretch of country highway, when he approached a fruit stand. The sign above read, "We have peaches that taste like anything and everything, guaranteed!"
The man thought about it, and decided to stop.

He thought this has to be bullshit.

So he approac...

No hurry!

Three traitors were captured in the war and were about to face a firing squad. Before their execution they were asked what they would like to eat for their last meal.

The first prisoner asked for a juicy steak. He was served the steak and then taken away to be shot.

The second prison...

Three men survive a plane crash on a strange island

When they gain consciousness, they realize they have been taken captive by a group of cannibals.
The leader of the cannibals tells all three men to go into the forest, pick 1 fruit and bring back 10 of them.
First guy went and came back with oranges and was told by the cannibal leader to shov...

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Dwarfs

A man is driving along a road after doing grocery when a red dwarf jumps in front of his car. His car screeches to a halt and the dwarf says: "im a red dwarf and asshole and if you dont give me all your strawberries then i wont move out of the way." The man reluctantly hands over the strawberries th...

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