China should have a cricket team.

They can take out the whole world with one bat

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The coach grimaced as he watched his young ice hockey team. At one point during the game, he called one of his 7-year-old players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded affirmatively...

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded once more.

"So..." the coach continued. "I'm sure you know that when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-...

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, ...

England cricket team visited an orphanage in Chennai today

“It is so tragic and heartbreaking to see their little faces with no hope! I wish we could do something to help them!”

Said 6 year old Venkatswamy after the crushing defeat of English cricket team

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Do you know why they don't allow prostitutes on crew teams?

Because hoes are hard to row.

Boss: "Remember, there's no "I" in team."

Me: "Yeah!! and there's no "F" in point."

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Eddie Money, Eddie Rabbit, and Eddie Van Halen are all teaming up to make a new album!

The first ever album brought to you by Ed, Edd, and Eddie.

What do you call an all female team of film editors?

The Splice Girls

The theme of my companies team building retreat this year was mindfulness. They asked each one of us to give two examples of an open minded person. They said there were no wrong answers but,

If your answer is author Ernest Hemingway and singer Kurt Cobain it gets you a meeting with HR.

The German women’s beach volleyball team plays against the Brazilian women’s beach volleyball team. Who wins?

The audience

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A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot…

Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m."

He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.

They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay."

She's there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats al...

What did Jim Carrey say when he wasn’t allowed to have a left handed baseball player on his team?

Allllllllllll righty then!

The Cleveland Indians have officially decided on a new team name.

Say hello to your new Cleveland Redskins!

OC: Why did I get kicked off the Hogwarts track team?

The hurry and run hurt my knee.

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A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they found a cave with the symbols of a woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish and a Star of David on the wall.

Pointing to the first drawing, the head of the team declared: 'This indicates that these people were family oriented and held women in high position. The donkey shows that they were intelligent enough to use animals to till the soil. The shovel means that they were able to forge tools. Even further ...

Two Men Are Discussing If Heaven Has A Football Team..

They promise each other that the first to die would somehow let the other one know.



A week passes and one dies. Another week passes and the other friend hears a voice.



"Joe.. I've got new. Some good, some bad."


Joe looks confused.



"The good ...

(popular indian Joke) Why doesnt china have a cricket team?

They eat bats and don't understand the concept of boundaries..

A team of British archaeologists dug to a depth of 15 feet and found an intricate network of copper wires.

From this, the team concluded that the Britain was advanced enough to have telephone connections in their cities 150 years ago.

In response to this, American archaeologists started their own expedition. They dug up to a depth of 20 feet and found an even more expansive network of copper wires...

What position did Jesus play on his baseball team?

Pitcher. He gave his sermon on the mound.

A team of Swiss archaeologists discovered a new tomb in the middle of the Egyptian desert

They uncovered the tomb, and entered its dark cobweb-filled caverns. After digging and digging, they reached the center of the tomb, a burial chamber filled with treasures.

And at the center of the chamber, a sarcophagus made of pure gold. And once they opened it, they found an unnamed body, ...

A Soviet archeology team is in Egypt on an expedition.

After some digging, they found a pyramid and a mummy inside it. Unfortunately, they can't determine who the mummy is. They get in touch with the NKVD who arrive a few hours later in the form of three hulking men carrying briefcases. The NKVD goons go inside the pyramid. After a few hours they come ...

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A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser....

The Somalian Olympics team has just apologised

The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologsied to the Olympic Committee after realising that sailing and shooting were 2 separate events!!

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My british friend tried joining the ultimate frisbee team....

but he didn't get along with anyone cause he thought they were all tossers.

Why did the CSI team get called to the set of the Purple Rain video shoot.

They needed to dust for Prince.

Bath night

A couple take in a beautiful young lady as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath but if she wanted to she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.......

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said...

I wanted to make a team for a Pro Hide and Seek Game

But good players are hard to find

Can you name the 3 NFL team's mascots that start with the letter "F"?

The Falcons, the Fourty-Niners and the F***ing Dolphins!

Biden’s all-female communications team will leave his Twitter unmanned.

Thank God

I have absolute proof the Covid vaccine isn’t Bill Gates’ way to control us.

My husband had the vaccination yesterday and he still hates Microsoft Teams.

All good teams require good communication...

So why in the hell do we keep losing to the school for deaf kids!?!?

Cleveland has announced their baseball team will no longer be called "The Indians". It's about time.

Now we can finally call them the Cleveland Steamers.

What's Al Qaeda's favourite football team??

New York Jets

What is Donald Trump’s favorite sports team?

The Dodgers

Had to call the SWAT team for backup today...

... There was a fly in my car.

Why doesn’t the NFL give Iowa a professional football team?

Because then Minnesota would want one.

Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team-up and make a medicine to treat erectile dysfunction,

And name it ElonGates

Why did Trumps Team end up at a landscaping business for the announcement?

Because he was the Lawn Order president

Council workers

Two men are doing work for their local council. One digs holes in the ground, the other man follows behind and fills them in.

Spotting this strange behaviour a local approaches them and asks why they’re digging holes just to fill them in again.

One of the men replies, “Oh we’re usually...

I used to be the worst player on my football team but then I moved to America

Now I’m the worst on my soccer team

NASA Scientists were eagerly waiting for the rover to send back the first sounds from Mars.

A program decades in the making, a feat of engineering never before accomplished. Not only did they include high resolution cameras for the landing, but incredibly robust microphones to capture the first sounds from an alien planet.

The team of people were huddled around a lab station for hou...

What kind of class do you need to take to be on the hurdling team?

An obstacle course

The animals were bored.

Finally the lion had an idea. He tells the other animals how he's seen the humans play a game called American football. He proceeded to tell them how it's played and explained its rules. This got them excited.

They chose their teams and went out to an open field. The lion's team received, and...

According to Seal Team 6, Bin Laden wasn’t as bad as everyone thought

They said he became “open-minded”once they got involved

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The Americans and The Japanese

The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced rowing hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day the Japanese won by a mile.

The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that th...

Why was the old lady kicked off the baseball team?

She swallowed a fly.

i was playing a game earlier and the other team was really good and i'm new so i left. and then i realised i didn't rage quit i parent quit

i wasn't mad just disappointed.

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Hilarious, subversive memo sent to 20,000 federal employees early in computer mass-messaging age

This memo was sent out to 20,000 federal employees in my agency in the early 1990s, when federal computer systems first got mass messaging. The first incarnation of this system allowed *any employee* to mass message. Some low-level employee sent this to all. Needless to say, the agency immediatel...

Have you heard that new dog sled team from Canada that formed a rock band?

They're called Mush.

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4 Men at a bar discuss the most difficult sport to play. The first man, wide as a dishwasher and having huge muscles all over, says

“I’m a football player, it’s the hardest sport in the world to play! You’ve gotta be in top physical condition and have excellent situational awareness.”

The second man, an older gentleman wearing a collared shirt, says “Sorry champ, but the actual hardest sport to play is golf. Every swing o...

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Satan challenges God to a basketball game, so God puts together a choice team from heaven and goes down to hell.

When they come back to heaven, it's with shocking news: they lost the game 52 to 140!

The Virgin Mary is stunned, "How could you possibly lose the game with a team like yours?! Didn't you have the best saints, the most generous souls, the philanthropists and Jesus himself??"

"Yes," fum...

The head cook was also a proud linguist. He boasted to his team that he'd finally figured out that champagne and sugar are the only words that sound like "sh" without starting with "sh".

The assistant hesitated for a moment then replied-
.
.
.
"Chef! Are you sure?"

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Three guys survive a plane crash in the desert. They wander for days, starving and thirsty. They finally come across a lone house and knock on the door, desperate for help...

A crusty old lady answers, and says she'd be happy to help if one of them will agree to satisfy her sexually first. After a quick discussion, one of the guys decides to take one for the team. He walks in to her bedroom while the other two wait outside the house. He tells her to close her eyes and op...

Two men from Texas were in Canada for winter break.

At their cabin they met two canadians. The day after they decided they had to get food, so naturaly they decided to go ice fishing. To make it a bit more fun, the two guys from Texas decided to show the canadians how great America was, by beating them in an ice fishing competition. The canadians acc...

A German, an Italian and a Chinese man arrive at a logging camp up north looking for work.

The boss sees the strapping young German and says, "you look strong and fit, here's a chainsaw, go join the fellers and help cut down some trees."
Next he looks at the Italian, a bit of a belly on him and looking well fed, and says, "You look like you know your way around the kitchen, go help in ...

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I entered the sex Olympics for team GB...

Yeah, it's a real thing you know. Anyway, I was team GB's first ever entrant in the endurance category. I trained really hard for the event and put my all in. I'm proud to say that I'm the first ever Briton to come first and last in the same event.

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Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives....

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there."
...

It takes a New Yorkers mentality to root for a football team named after something you dread getting every month.

Go Bills!

"So, Are you a team player or a one man army?"

I tried team playing, but my boss kicked me out of his bedroom and told me to leave his wife untouched.

Ever wondered why China doesn't have a baseball team?

Because they ate all their bats.

Five Detroit Tigers fans, Al, Ben, Carl, Dan, and Edgar, are watching a home game for the Tigers. Of course, the Tigers easily lose, and the five fans leave the stadium angrily.

"If those players had played better, we could have won," said Al.

"Don't blame the players, blame the coach," said Ben. "If he had trained the players better, they would have played better."

"Those players couldn't play a decent game if their lives depended on it," said Carl. "But it's...

My son’s team won the soccer tournament, so the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party afterwards.

It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.

Husband: I lost my wife, she went shopping and hasn't come back yet

Inspector: What is her height?

Husband: I never checked....

Inspector: Slim or healthy?

Husband: Not slim, can be healthy....

Inspector: Colour of her eyes?

Husband: Never noticed.....

Inspector: Colour of hair?

Husband: Not sure, changes with seasons...

I was recently on a charter flight with my hockey team where they seated you according to what position you play.

Damn near froze to death on left wing.

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.

Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted by a child’s whispered, “Hello.”

“Is your Daddy home?” he asked.

“Yes,” whispered the small voice.

“May I talk with him?”

The child whispered, “No.”

Surprise...

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The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra...

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic...

A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.

The farmer said, "That's once."A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer said, "That's twice."After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse. His brand new bride ...

I play battlefield and I switch teams a lot. Yesterday I found out why

I’m part Italian

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Mr. Johnson joined a bowling team. "We meet at 8:00 every Saturday morning," said the captain. "Okay," said Mr. Johnson, "but I might be five minutes late for the first game."

That Saturday, Mr. Johnson arrived at exactly 8:00 and bowled a turkey with his right hand. When he left the bowling alley, he said, "Next week, I might be five minutes late."

The next Saturday, Mr. Johnson arrived at exactly 8:00 and bowled a six-pack with his left hand. When he left the bow...

Toronto Raptors: We are the only sports team named after a dinosaur!

New Orleans Pelicans and Atlanta Hawks: Well technically -

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I was the captain of the chess team in high school...

And as you might have guessed from that statement, I’m white and I’ve never dated a black woman. But if I ever do date a black woman, I know one thing:

I’ll have to make the first move.

Interpol developed a test to figure out the best Law enforcement team in the world. Today's test involved the Scotland Yard, the FBI and Rio's Military Police.

The test consisted of releasing a bunny in the woods and giving it a 1 hour head start. The police department that found the bunny in the least amount of time would go on to the next phase.

First one to go was Scotland Yard. Using their best detectives, deductive skills and evidence analysis,...

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Why did the prostitute get kicked off the hockey team?

She kept getting penalized for hooking.

Three men are sitting around

Three men are sitting around drinking and they begin to brag to each other. The first man says “I have 4 sons at home. If I have one more I’d have a basketball team.” The second man laughs and says “That’s nothing! I have 10 sons at home. One more and I’d have a football team.” The third man speaks ...

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A team of thugs broke in to the Pfizer plant and stole all the viagra

Police say to be on the lookout for a gang of hardened criminals.

The Washington Redskins just officially announced they are retiring their team name and logo.

The new team name is going to be the Washington Engines.

Mr Trump was invited to visit a poor African country.

A soccer match was arranged between two local teams in honour of Trump's visit. During the match, the Prime Minister of the country explained about the poverty his country was facing. Trump listened intently and said

"Mr PM, I've seen enough and I fully understand the extent of the poverty yo...

What’s the Canadian curling team’s favorite board game?

Sorry Sliders

How many Kansas City Chiefs does it take to change a flat tire?

Just one. Unless it's a blowout. Then the whole team shows up.

What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team?

A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...

Bit of British humour right there ;)

EDIT: happy to see this joke made people laugh, yes it's a classic joke but England have mainly been on the receiving end of it so nice to turn it around on someone else for a change (sorry Germany)

Th...

What do cakes and baseball teams have in common?

They both need a good batter.

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Hello! Mr. Hussein?

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy up in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Sadd...

What's the difference between a New York Giants fan and a Trump supporter?

The New York Giants fans will admit their team sucks.

Your team here

There was a guy way up in the nose bleed seats at ‘your team’s’ home game. About the end of the first quarter, he spotted an old man and an empty seat down on the 50 yard line. He made his way down to the older gentleman, and asked if anybody was sitting there.

The man said “ my wife and I h...

What is the A Team called in Canada?

The Eh Team

If you could choose one NFL team to not come back after the Corona Virus, which one would you choose?

And why did you choose the Patriots?

The Washington Football Team got rid of their previous name because it was offensive

So why didn't they get rid of their offensive linemen?

Sports Enthusiasts

I got hired by my local baseball team to keep the players cool in the locker room. It was a difficult job because I'm not a fan.

Trump: "We cannot let a woman be president!"

Staff: "That's not what transition team means, sir."

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A construction crew started building a new house down the street.

My daughter was excited to see the big construction vehicles, so I let her go check it out (with me watching of course). The crew loved that a young person was interested in construction, so let her sit and watch them work. Sometimes they would sit her in the trucks and show her how it operates, ev...

The NFL is considering having their teams play to empty stadiums and no fans.

The Lions have been preparing for this their whole lives.

There is a huge debate about letting NFL teams play against prison inmates as part of their rehabilitation program.

Understandable, it has a big list of pros and cons.

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Today is Jacob's birthday,

So his wife decided to surprise him, she took him to a Strip-Club House.

At the club -

DOORMAN: Hey Jacob! How are you?

WIFE: How does he know you?

Jacob: We play Golf together!

BARTENDER: The usual beer Jacob?

WIFE: And how does he know you?

Jacob: ...

The Washington pro football team picked out the perfect new name for the team, the Opossums. They are good at home...

But get killed on the road.

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TIL That New Zealand Decided Against Naming their Badminton Team the "Black Cocks."

Meanwhile no one in Australia batted an eye when their badminton team chose to be called the "Black Hunts."

How did the chief of police solve his fly infestation problem?

He called the SWAT team

A team of researchers have figured out how to reduce the rate of new mental disorder cases by 100%!

“Stop diagnosing them.”

You hear about the quarterback who switched teams after being sacked 8 times??

The grass was greener on the other side of defense.

A Canadian research team has made history by freezing mice to temperatures of absolute zero.

Animal rights groups are outraged by the cruel tests performed on the animals.

But they’ll be 0K.

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A little boy starts kindergarten

The teacher tells the class, “Tomorrow, I want all of you to be able to tell me the first four letters of the alphabet.”

So the boy goes home and approaches his mother in the kitchen, and asks, “What’s the first letter of the alphabet?” His mother glares at him and says, “Shut up, I’m on the ...

It's sad really, Texas has two professional football teams,

But Oklahoma doesn't have any.

I vote we move the Redskins there.

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