Elon Musk and Bill Gates should team up to invent a cure for erectile dysfunction,

and name it ElonGates

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The coach grimaced as he watched his young ice hockey team. At one point during the game, he called one of his 7-year-old players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded affirmatively...

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded once more.

"So..." the coach continued. "I'm sure you know that when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-...

Interviewer: give me an example of when you’ve been a team player?

**Me:** once my friend wanted to sleep with this girl but she was married.

**Interviewer:** and you?

**Me:** distracted her husband with an interview

The difference between a freshman girls cross country team and a litter of baby foxes?

One is a bunch of cunning little runts...

A marketing team had to make a Coca-Cola ad for Arabia

So they sent their best man on the job. When he came back, they saw that the campaign failed miserably and nobody was buying the product. So the team asked him what happened. He explained:

We made a billboard with three images. On the first one, there is a person that is very unhealthy and a...

There's no i in team

But there is an M and E

A group of high level executives at a company decides to start a rowing team?

No matter how hard they try, though, they always end up losing against their rival firm. After months of humiliating defeats, they send one of their guys to spy on another team's practice session, hoping to discover their secret.

After returning, the spy reveals: "I found out how they keep on...

Who is China's favorite NBA team?

[REDACTED]

After my son’s team won the tournament, the goalkeeper invited us for a party afterwards.

It was the Father, the Son, and the Goalie Host.

An old Team Fortress 2 joke. Probably applicable to a few other team shooters, too.

The Heavy Weapons Guy woke up one morning to a bit of distress. His stomach was tied up in knots, forcing him into the bathroom for much of the day. After a few hours of this painful nonsense, he sought out the Medic for some professional advice.

"Ah," the Medic exclaimed in his exaggerated...

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A team of archaeologists were working in Jerusalem when they found a slab of rock with five figures carved on it.

In order the figures were:

1) A Woman. 2) A Donkey. 3) A Shovel. 4) A Fish. 5) A Star of David.

After months of studying the rock and figures on it, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings were several thousands of years old but even so they revealed a...

They say there's no “I” in team

But there's no “us” either, just “me”

What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a womens track team?

The pygmies are a tribe of cunning runts

American SWAT teams are like a box of chocolates.

They’ll both kill your dog.

God calls Satan.

"Hey, I think we misplaced an engineer and he ended up in Hell."

"Yeah, Carl. Been doing a wonderful job. We finally got an AC system up and running and the heaters are fixed. He even designed an auto-poker for the pitchfork teams."

"Send him back here, he belongs in Heaven."

"Y...

What do you call a team of DEA or Police who raids a marijuana grow-house?

A Joint Task Force

I was going to join the debating team at my university.

But they talked me out of it.

There is a new book required for Swat Teams to read

Its called "How to quickly open doors" by Bree Ching

Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympics team?

Coz anyone that can run, jump or swim is in America.

What's Al Qaeda's favourite football team?

The New York Jets

Do you know what an enforcer does on a hockey team?

Just checking.

This Halloween I'm being the Australia rugby team

I'm not dressing up I'm just going out early

Why did the football team go to the bank?

To get their quarterback

If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up...

They'd be alloys.

Marvel have announced their newest Superhero team, one consisting entirely of Trans-woman.

The Ex-Men.

Why are Spain such a good football team?

Because no one ever expects The Spanish Inposition!

Do you know how many North American teams qualified for LOL worlds 2019 group stage?

N/A

A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot.

Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m."

He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.

They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay."

She's there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats al...

What do you call a sniffer dogs team that is unable to find drugs?

Can'tnine squad

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I've started a team called "The Pigeons"

We shit on the competition.

How much would you pay to watch James Bond's secretary and Bruce Wayne's Butler team up for a Spy Action Thriller?

However much, you can bet you'd get your MoneysWorth.

Why doesn't Columbus Ohio have a professional football team?

Because then Cincinnati and Cleveland would want one too.

What’s the difference between being in prison and playing on a basketball team?

On a basketball team, your guards won’t leave you hanging.

I cooked and ate a rugby team

Tasted scrummy!

A tomato officer with its team walks to Salad's house and knocks on the door.

"Lettuce in!"

If you already drafted Andrew for your fantasy football team

You're out of Luck.

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A team of Nazi spies parachutes in Britain during WW2.

They're all well-trained, they know their mission, they have their legends. But when they're still above the ocean, suddenly a terrible thunderstorm hits them. The hurricane scatters them, some of them smash into the cliffs, others hit the waves and drown. Only one last spy, by sheer luck or miracle...

What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team?

A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...

Bit of British humour right there ;)

EDIT: happy to see this joke made people laugh, yes it's a classic joke but England have mainly been on the receiving end of it so nice to turn it around on someone else for a change (sorry Germany)

Th...

What do you call it when a team of ghostbusters visit a children’s hospital?

Spawn camping.

I have blinded our team tester

Now he doesn't see any issues

What is Al-Qaeda's favorite sports team?

The NY Jets.

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Did you hear about the football team that wants to change their name to the "Tampons"?

Because they are only good for one period and have no second string.

A bit concerned...

The boss wondered why an employee was absent but had not phoned in sick. Needing to have an urgent problem resolved, he dialed the employee's phone and was greeted with a child's whisper. *"Hello?"*

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

*"Yes,"* whispered the small voice.

May I talk w...

Who isn't allowed in the zoo's quiz team?

The Cheetah

What is Donald Trump and Ted Nugent’s favorite sports team?

The Dodgers.

(Low, low hanging fruit. My sincerest apologies.)

A man decides to treat himself one day and buys a ticket to the Superbowl.

He bought the ticket the day of and got a seat in the nosebleeds. He arrived a little late to the game and as he was entering the stadium he noticed a man with an empty seat right behind his teams bench. Ever the opportunist he walks over and asks the man if the seat's taken.

"It isn't actual...

Three disabled stranded men

Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, bu...

I've known Paul for years

He's always been such a nice guy. In middle school, our teachers would always ask if he finished his homework. Paul would hold up his homework and say yes. During lunch, kids would always ask if they could sit with him, and Paul would say yes. A kid would ask if he's trade his pudding cup for an app...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A team of engineers are unveiling their new invention to a navy admiral

“So from what I can see, it appears to just be a normal submarine” the Admiral says.

“Quite far from it...” the lead engineer responds, “... while it may appear to be your standard submarine. It has quite the trick up it’s selves”

“Well what is it”, the Admiral says excitedly.

...

Why did the college football team stop smoking

They lost all their matches.

Form the self employer's handbook:

There is no "we" in "team"

A Catholic High School had a legendary American football team

Every year, the team was in the state championship game, and usually won it handily. Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.

Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football pro...

Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?

They both depend on the batter

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was in Japan watching a football game....

....after 90 minutes the players from both teams started fighting. I asked my friend what was happening. He said the were playing Ninjary time.

As a lifelong Detroit Lions fan, when I die, I want the team to lower my casket into the grave.

So they can let me down one last time.

I'm part of a team of guys who love philanthropy...

We call ourselves the Philanderers.

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Our boss called our team over to talk us about sexual harassment

Turns out I’m pretty good at it.

A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon were discussing their families.

Jew: I have enough children to start my own baseball team.

Catholic: So What? When my wife delivers in the fall, I can start my own soccer team!

Mormon: I got you all beat. Two more wives and I’ll have my own private golf course.

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a man is drinking in a bar, when a fireman walks in.

"The usual cocksucker" the barman calls out.

"hey cocksucker, hows it going? " another customer calls out

Then the waitress says "hey cocksucker, nice to see you"



The guy turns to the fireman and says "Hope you dont mind me asking, but why do they call you cocksucker"...

Toronto missed out on an opportunity to call their basketball team the torontosaurus rexes

Boo me, I deserve it

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I was playing a big game of hide and seek when I went camping with a big group.

We were devided in teams of two and we had to stay hidden in a big forrest for as long as possible. I was put in a team with my little brother. After searching for a good spot we eventually settled in a watchtower.

We agreed that one person stood watch and the other could rest. My brother be...

American Indian female wrestling

A tribe of Native Americans generally referred to their woman by the animal hide with which they made their blanket. Thus, one woman might be known as Squaw of Buffalo Hide, while another might be known as Squaw of Deer Hide. This tribe had a particularly large and strong woman, with a very unique...

Did you hear about the duck and Chinese chef that teamed up to deal drugs?

They were slinging quack wok!

Met a girl who was into sports

She said she was in a football team and had to prevent goals at all costs.



She was a keeper.

I lost 20 pounds

Bet an Englishman on a soccer game and choose the wrong team.

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Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it’s clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, “Joe, we both loved football all our lives. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s football there.”

Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

At midnight a couple...

Why did the Eskimo quit the soccer team?

Idk I guess he just wasn't inuit

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An Irish peasant

An Irish peasant named Kory Andrea grew up knowing nothing but potatoes. His dad farmed potatoes, and his dad farmed potatoes, all the way back a thousand years. He had spent the entirety of his first twenty years on this Earth farming and harvesting potatoes.

One day, as if suddenly, the pot...

Went to a kink shop with my coworkers

We had some great team bonding

[1st day as a cop] Captain: "why did you call for back up? " Me: "There was a fly in my car!"

Swat team leader: "what exactly do you think we do!?"

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