The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears.

The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then, one night while watching the News he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank. In one corner ...

Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team-up and make a medicine to treat erectile dysfunction,

and name it ElonGates.

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Did you hear about the football team that wants to change their name to the "Tampons"?

Because they are only good for one period and have no second string.

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A team of Nazi spies parachutes in Britain during WW2.

They're all well-trained, they know their mission, they have their legends. But when they're still above the ocean, suddenly a terrible thunderstorm hits them. The hurricane scatters them, some of them smash into the cliffs, others hit the waves and drown. Only one last spy, by sheer luck or miracle...

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A team of archaeologists were working in Jerusalem when they found a slab of rock with five figures carved on it.

In order the figures were:

1) A Woman. 2) A Donkey. 3) A Shovel. 4) A Fish. 5) A Star of David.

After months of studying the rock and figures on it, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings were several thousands of years old but even so they revealed a...

Who isn't allowed in the zoo's quiz team?

The Cheetah

Tim and Edward decided to team up in an attempt to steal an expensive jewel.

It belonged to a woman in their neighborhood. Her house was fairly isolated so they decided they could proceed during the day. The woman seemed a bit careless and had no security system set up, so they easily got in and out of the house with the jewel.

Back to a safe place and out of view o...

My uncle used to be on a SWAT team, but they kicked him off for some reason.

I don't know why though, he got twenty assists in one hostage mission.

The English Women's world cup team visited an orphanage. "They looked helpless. They had a lack of hope in their eyes...."

said Aurora , age 3.

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Our boss called our team over to talk us about sexual harassment

Turns out I’m pretty good at it.

Congrats to Rose Lavelle of Women’s National Soccer team for winning the Bronze Ball, awarded for being the 3rd best player at the World Cup!

Also, huge congrats to the entire Men’s National Soccer team for coming so close but not finishing, winning the Blue Ball.

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A team of engineers are unveiling their new invention to a navy admiral

“So from what I can see, it appears to just be a normal submarine” the Admiral says.

“Quite far from it...” the lead engineer responds, “... while it may appear to be your standard submarine. It has quite the trick up it’s selves”

“Well what is it”, the Admiral says excitedly.

...

A coach is looking after a young ice hockey team

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play toge...

A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot.

Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m."

He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.

They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay."

She's there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats al...

What is Donald Trump and Ted Nugent’s favorite sports team?

The Dodgers.

(Low, low hanging fruit. My sincerest apologies.)

What's Al Qaida's favorite football team?

The New York Jets.

Toronto missed out on an opportunity to call their basketball team the torontosaurus rexes

Boo me, I deserve it

The anti-vaxx basketball team lost every game this season

Apparently they never take any shots.

A Catholic High School had a legendary American football team

Every year, the team was in the state championship game, and usually won it handily. Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.

Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football pro...

Why doesn't Mexico have a Olympic team?

Because everybody that can run, jump, and swim are already in the U.S

A few days ago, a team of 200 scientists released the first ever image of a cosmic body with a mass 7 billion times that of the sun's, also known as

yo mama lmao

Why did the Eskimo quit the soccer team?

Idk I guess he just wasn't inuit

Did you hear about the wheelchair basketball team that was banned from the Paralympics?

They all tested positive for WD-40!

Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?

They both depend on the batter

There is no ‘I’ in team..

but there is a ‘U’ in c*#t

Binghamton University's Athletic Director compared the mens basketball team to a zoo. The Binghamton Zoo responded with the following letter:

I am tired of hearing that blight on Binghamton University, the men's basketball team, being referred to as a "zoo." The Binghamton Zoo at Ross Park has just received re-accreditation by the Association of Zoos and Aquariums, the industry's governing authority. We achieved this status by being in th...

I just started following English soccer, and West Ham is my favorite team.

It’s named after two things ISIS hates.

What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team?

A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...

Bit of British humour right there ;)

EDIT: happy to see this joke made people laugh, yes it's a classic joke but England have mainly been on the receiving end of it so nice to turn it around on someone else for a change (sorry Germany)

Th...

A goalkeeper hosted a celebratory dinner at his house after his team won the league championship.

Before dinner, he asked the coach to say grace. The coach concluded his prayer by saying, “We ask that you bless this food in the name of the father, and of the son, and of the goalie host.”

Finally Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber team up for a song and even the title is perfect...

“I don’t care”

(non-spoiler) Why could't Team Avengers sign Steve Rogers?

They didn't have enough cap space.

I had a difficult, emotional talk with my 9-year-old son this morning. There was a lot of crying and "nobody wants me on their team" and "I haven't got any friends".

Anyway, he was very nice about it and gave me some good tips for being more sociable.

Why did Cinderella get fired from the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.

Why shouldn’t you go to the bathroom with Team Rocket around?

Because they might take a Pikachu!

What is the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a girls track team?

One is a group of cunning runts.

I signed up for a soccer team and they asked me my favorite position.

I told them missionary style but lately I've had a hard time scoring.

What do you call a SWAT Team of Alligators?

Gator-Raid

If you know anyone who wants to join the debate team

You should try to talk them out of it.

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TIFU by messing my teams multi milion dollar project

So i work for this big organization that has been working on quite an important project. That is, to take a picture of a certain object.
I am a temp and my job was to move the file from our local server to a safe drive so we can move the file (yes the file is that big) to another center. ...

A school robotics team made an ultimate weapon, and needed ammo that makes everything fall apart.

That’s why they used common core standards.

My girlfriend was being very suspicious so I followed her, and now I have a huge problem

I need some advice guys. Recently my gf has been receiving too many calls during very odd hours of the night. She has also been coming home very late saying that she was at a team building meeting at work. I called her boss, and he said they've not had any such meeting for the past month. So yesterd...

My girlfriend is the star goalie of her soccer team

She's a keeper

A lot of cities like to name their sports teams after their states major disasters

For example:

- Chicago Fire (Soccer)
- Colorado Avalanche (Hockey)
- Kansas City Tornadoes (Basketball)
- San Jose Earthquakes (Soccer)
- Miami Hurricanes (Football)
- New York City Jets (Football)

Original joke taken from a comment by u/toastytreats

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An American and Japanese team decided to engage in a competitive boat race.

Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance.

On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a c...

The Scotland football team went to visit an orphanage in Kazakhstan this morning. "It's good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible"

said Anatoly, aged 6.

The Detroit Lions have almost assembled a team to win the Super Bowl...

All that’s missing is a great quarterback. A scout has been looking everywhere for someone good enough, but cheap enough to keep them under the salary cap.

The scout, after a long day of searching, comes home defeated. He slumps down into his chair and decides to watch the news.

As h...

What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag

A tea bag stays longer in the cup.

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My team decided to establish a tradition

Everyone on the team would sit in a circle surrounding the team captain before the start of the season. He would then headbutt the ball at one of us, and they would have to headbutt it back at him. The captain would then headbutt it at the person sitting next to them. This would repeat as it cycled ...

Neil Armstrong and his team were training for moon expedition at a desert and met an old Native American

The native American asked : Can you do me a favour?

Neil Armstrong : Of course, what do you want?

Native : Please pass this important message to our holy spirits living on the moon

The native American started uttering the message in his tribal language and asked Neil Armstrong t...

Superbowl LIII is the only superbowl I've seen where fans of both teams got along and agreed

That it was the worst superbowl ever

Three fans were bemoaning the sorry state of their football team.

“I blame the general manager,” said the first fan. “If he signed better players, we’d be a great team.”

“I blame the players,” said the second fan. “If they made more of an effort, we’d score some points.”

“I blame my parents,” said the third. “If I’d been born in Seattle, I’d be suppo...

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Why can’t the Patriots football team members have children?

Because their balls are deflated

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A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday

They arrive at the club and the doorman says,

“Hey, Dave! How ya doin’?”

His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before.

“Oh no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.”

When they are seated…

A waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings o...

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The Golden State Warriors flew to Jamaica to play an exhibition game against a local team.

The Warriors kept on losing the ball and missing easy shots. Kerr, the Warriors' coach was furious, but the players said that the balls were too small, and kept slipping out of their hands.



By the end of the half, they were down by 20 points, with Steph Curry, the Warriors' captain...

Teams are interested in Kareem Hunt

I didn't know kickers where in such high demand.

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A football team went on a trip by a plane

They started playing football in the cabin and the pilots were not happy, so the captain said to the flight attendant : "Go deal with this shit! " Later the plane was quiet and he asked his flight attendant : "What did you do? " The flight attendant answered : "Simply I told them to go play outside ...

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What did the leader of the team of strippers say to get everyone’s attention?

Alright team, all hands on dick.

To The Jamaican Bobsled Team

After the Winter Olympics, one fellow is so taken with the Jamaican bobsled team that he decides that they deserve an epic scale statue in Jamaica. He travels to Jamaica, and talks with every government official and rich person he can find. All of them chase him off saying that it's a crazy idea, ...

If you're ever playing a team game, remember....

Decapitation is a great way to get ahead of the competition

What do you do when Team Rocket stops breathing?

You give them Meowth to Meowth.

Two bowling teams, one made up of all blondes and the other one of all brunettes...

reserve a double-decker bus for a weekend tournament.

The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus and the blonde team rides on the top level.

The brunette team down below is whooping it up and having a great time when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blond...

A university has been accused of not having enough people of colour on their competitive speech recital team.

To tackle the problem they took a bunch of students and covered them in body paint.

They now claim they have achieved their dye varsity quoters.

One of the Monty Python team has invented an unmanned aircraft that does sky-writing that’s spelled the same backwards as forwards...

It’s a Palin drone...

I've been holding auditions for actors to play a new Fantastic Four team this afternoon...

... it's so stressful.

It's just been one Thing after another.

What’s every SWAT team leader’s favourite chess move?

C4

I think Sublime would make a great oncology team

They’d smoke two joints before they smoke two joints, and then they’d smoke tumor.

How many strikes does it take to get a French baseball team out?

None. They’re already on it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when ...

Three disabled stranded men

Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, bu...

A team of black inmates play basketball against a team of white inmates in prison. The black inmates win. Why?

Home court advantage.

How many hearts can the Belgium football team break at once?

About a brazilian...

I got kicked off my bowling team the other day

I managed to knock all the pins down on my first two turns. Then on my third turn I did it again and the leader of the team turned to me and said "Sorry, you're going to have to leave the team".

Apparently they have a three strike policy.

If we played cowboys and Indians I wouldn’t choose to be on losing team

that would be Sioux side.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"There's no 'I' in team"

"But there's a whole lot of 'U' in shut the fuck up"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A team of doctors wanted to conduct a research.

A team of doctors wanted to examine the health effects of long time consumption of sweets, liquor and smoking on people who never ate sweets, consumed liquor or smoked previously.

Three people decided to volunteer in the research. One of them was taken to a room full with sweets and was locke...

A chess team is sitting in a hotel lobby bragging about a recent victory

The hotel manager comes out and tells them that they all need to leave immediately.

As they’re heading out the door one of the players asked why they were being kicked out.

“Because,” said the manager

“I hate chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

What's the difference between the President of the United States and the management staff of a Los Angeles baseball team?

One of them drafts Dodgers. The other dodges drafts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Nigerian football team were so disappointed with Saturday’s performance that they have said they will personally refund all expenses to fans who travelled to support them.

All they need to do is send bank details, sort codes & PINs, and they will transfer the money directly …

What's Donald Trump's favourite baseball team?

The Dodgers.

If Caitlyn Jenner were a super hero, what team would she be on?

The Ex-Men.

What do you call Christmas night when your favorite sports team finally wins?

The First No L

There’s no I in team

But there are 5 in ‘individual brilliance’

Our crack team of experts has done the research

They need more crack.

A question asked to the Olympic boxing team regarding the dangers of their sport.

10% responded that boxing is dangerous to health, the remaining 90% did not understand the question.

After a lot of hard work I’ve finally made the local limbo team.

I had to bend over backwards to get in though.

Maradonna was asked by a reporter if his '86 national team could beat Iceland.

He replied "Yes, I think 1-0"

"Only 1-0?" asked the reporter.
.
Maradonna answers " yeah we are nearing our sixties"

Spain's national soccer team were in complete disarray

The goalkeeper would always come out and try and play as a striker, the defenders would just run up and down the side lines and the strikers just stood on their own goal line chatting.

Needless to say, they lost every game.

After 5 games the manager was fired and a new one appointed. H...

You would think with an entire soccer team stuck in a cave....

One of them would have known how to dive

Interviewer to Pelè: Do you think Barzil's 1970 team can beat today's Argentina?

Pelè: Yes.

Interviewer: By how much?

Pelè: 1:0

Interviewer: That's it?

Pelè: Well, most of us are over 75 now...

My track and field team complained that the hurdles were too short

But I'm not worried, they'll get over it

What does a Cleveland Cavaliers fan do when his team has won the NBA Finals?

He turns off the PlayStation 4.

I don't see race

was the last thing I said after getting kicked off the track team.

The Argentina team visited an orphanage in Russia

-It breaks my heart to see those poor eyes filled with sadness and hopelessness..

said one of the orphans.

Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder finally removes team's controversial and offensive name.

He announced yesterday they will be removing the "Washington" from their name.

In the next Marvel movie I hear that Ironman, Captain America and the others will team up to battle Comcast .

It is called Avengers Xfinity Wars!

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