A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot.

Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m."

He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.

They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay."

She's there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats al...

If you know anyone who wants to join the debate team

You should try to talk them out of it.

The Detroit Lions have almost assembled a team to win the Super Bowl...

All that’s missing is a great quarterback. A scout has been looking everywhere for someone good enough, but cheap enough to keep them under the salary cap.

The scout, after a long day of searching, comes home defeated. He slumps down into his chair and decides to watch the news.

As h...

Superbowl LIII is the only superbowl I've seen where fans of both teams got along and agreed

That it was the worst superbowl ever

What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag

A tea bag stays longer in the cup.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Golden State Warriors flew to Jamaica to play an exhibition game against a local team.

The Warriors kept on losing the ball and missing easy shots. Kerr, the Warriors' coach was furious, but the players said that the balls were too small, and kept slipping out of their hands.

​

By the end of the half, they were down by 20 points, with Steph Curry, the Warri...

My girlfriend was being very suspicious so I followed her, and now I have a huge problem

I need some advice guys. Recently my gf has been receiving too many calls during very odd hours of the night. She has also been coming home very late saying that she was at a team building meeting at work. I called her boss, and he said they've not had any such meeting for the past month. So yesterd...

A university has been accused of not having enough people of colour on their competitive speech recital team.

To tackle the problem they took a bunch of students and covered them in body paint.

They now claim they have achieved their dye varsity quoters.

What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team?

A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...

Bit of British humour right there ;)

EDIT: happy to see this joke made people laugh, yes it's a classic joke but England have mainly been on the receiving end of it so nice to turn it around on someone else for a change (sorry Germany)

Th...

Teams are interested in Kareem Hunt

I didn't know kickers where in such high demand.

If you're ever playing a team game, remember....

Decapitation is a great way to get ahead of the competition

To The Jamaican Bobsled Team

After the Winter Olympics, one fellow is so taken with the Jamaican bobsled team that he decides that they deserve an epic scale statue in Jamaica. He travels to Jamaica, and talks with every government official and rich person he can find. All of them chase him off saying that it's a crazy idea, ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A football team went on a trip by a plane

They started playing football in the cabin and the pilots were not happy, so the captain said to the flight attendant : "Go deal with this shit! " Later the plane was quiet and he asked his flight attendant : "What did you do? " The flight attendant answered : "Simply I told them to go play outside ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why can’t the Patriots football team members have children?

Because their balls are deflated

I had a difficult, emotional talk with my 9-year-old son this morning. There was a lot of crying and "nobody wants me on their team" and "I haven't got any friends".

Anyway, he was very nice about it and gave me some good tips for being more sociable.

Did you hear the one about the soccer team trapped in the cave?

It’s pretty dark

I got kicked off my bowling team the other day

I managed to knock all the pins down on my first two turns. Then on my third turn I did it again and the leader of the team turned to me and said "Sorry, you're going to have to leave the team".

Apparently they have a three strike policy.

One of the Monty Python team has invented an unmanned aircraft that does sky-writing that’s spelled the same backwards as forwards...

It’s a Palin drone...

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Philadelphia Eagles. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback.

He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn’t find a quarterback who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier wit...

What do you do when Team Rocket stops breathing?

You give them Meowth to Meowth.

What's the difference between a band of pygmies and a woman's track team?

**The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts...**

I've been holding auditions for actors to play a new Fantastic Four team this afternoon...

... it's so stressful.

It's just been one Thing after another.

I think Sublime would make a great oncology team

They’d smoke two joints before they smoke two joints, and then they’d smoke tumor.

Why was Cinderella cut from the basketball team?

She kept running from the ball...

Neil Armstrong and his team were training for moon expedition at a desert and met an old Native American

The native American asked : Can you do me a favour?

Neil Armstrong : Of course, what do you want?

Native : Please pass this important message to our holy spirits living on the moon

The native American started uttering the message in his tribal language and asked Neil Armstrong t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when ...

Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?

Because everyone that could run, jump, and swim is already in the U.S.

What’s every SWAT team leader’s favourite chess move?

C4

Two bowling teams, one made up of all blondes and the other one of all brunettes...

reserve a double-decker bus for a weekend tournament.

The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus and the blonde team rides on the top level.

The brunette team down below is whooping it up and having a great time when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blond...

A chess team is sitting in a hotel lobby bragging about a recent victory

The hotel manager comes out and tells them that they all need to leave immediately.

As they’re heading out the door one of the players asked why they were being kicked out.

“Because,” said the manager

“I hate chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team up and make a medicine to cure erectile dysfunction

And name it "Elon-Gate"

A team of black inmates play basketball against a team of white inmates in prison. The black inmates win. Why?

Home court advantage.

What's the difference between the President of the United States and the management staff of a Los Angeles baseball team?

One of them drafts Dodgers. The other dodges drafts.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A team of doctors wanted to conduct a research.

A team of doctors wanted to examine the health effects of long time consumption of sweets, liquor and smoking on people who never ate sweets, consumed liquor or smoked previously.

Three people decided to volunteer in the research. One of them was taken to a room full with sweets and was locke...

How many strikes does it take to get a French baseball team out?

None. They’re already on it.

What do you call Christmas night when your favorite sports team finally wins?

The First No L

If we played cowboys and Indians I wouldn’t choose to be on losing team

that would be Sioux side.

Spain's national soccer team were in complete disarray

The goalkeeper would always come out and try and play as a striker, the defenders would just run up and down the side lines and the strikers just stood on their own goal line chatting.

Needless to say, they lost every game.

After 5 games the manager was fired and a new one appointed. H...

How can you tell if someone is about to criticize a sports team or criticize you?

By how they pronounce "No offense"

What's Taliban's favorite football team?

The New York Jets.

A question asked to the Olympic boxing team regarding the dangers of their sport.

10% responded that boxing is dangerous to health, the remaining 90% did not understand the question.

2 guys walking along the road. One was digging a hole , the other one waited a minute and filled the hole back

Then they moved on and after about 10 feet they did the same - digging up , waiting a minute , and filling it back up.

They went on doing this the whole morning, covering almost 3 miles. One guy who was watching them eagerly just couldn’t resist any more, and asked - are you guys mad or wh...

What's Donald Trump's favourite baseball team?

The Dodgers.

What does a Cleveland Cavaliers fan do when his team has won the NBA Finals?

He turns off the PlayStation 4.

Maradonna was asked by a reporter if his '86 national team could beat Iceland.

He replied "Yes, I think 1-0"

"Only 1-0?" asked the reporter.
.
Maradonna answers " yeah we are nearing our sixties"

Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder finally removes team's controversial and offensive name.

He announced yesterday they will be removing the "Washington" from their name.

How many hearts can the Belgium football team break at once?

About a brazilian...

Our crack team of experts has done the research

They need more crack.

Jay-Z owned a baseball team.

From day one, it was a foregone conclusion that it would be a cellar-dwelling team. Everyone on that team had a batting average of below .150, and not a single player scored a home-run. The defense was horrible; every outfielder was scared of fly-balls, the infielders couldn’t catch line drives to s...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Nigerian football team were so disappointed with Saturday’s performance that they have said they will personally refund all expenses to fans who travelled to support them.

All they need to do is send bank details, sort codes & PINs, and they will transfer the money directly …

What is Thanos Favorite Football team?

The Cleveland browns.

So far the have:

1 Regulatory Win

1 Overtime Win

1 Tie

1 Overtime Loss

1 Regulatory Loss


Perfectly balanced, as all things should be.

LPT: In light of Hurricane Michael, remember to always look out for yourself. As they say: There's no 'I' in Team...

But there is an Eye in Hurricane.

There’s no I in team

But there are 5 in ‘individual brilliance’

My track and field team complained that the hurdles were too short

But I'm not worried, they'll get over it

Who holds the record for longest time trapped in a cave with a soccer team?

It's a Thai

Interviewer to Pelè: Do you think Barzil's 1970 team can beat today's Argentina?

Pelè: Yes.

Interviewer: By how much?

Pelè: 1:0

Interviewer: That's it?

Pelè: Well, most of us are over 75 now...

The England football team went to visit an orphanage in Russia this morning.

"It's good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible" said Anatoly, aged 6.

My brother plays soccer for a team called the Musketeers

They've started the season well with three wins and a draw, all 4-1 and one 4 all.

The Argentina team visited an orphanage in Russia

-It breaks my heart to see those poor eyes filled with sadness and hopelessness..

said one of the orphans.

What's the Catholic Church's favourite soccer team?

BSC Young Boys

2man Team

Two Irishmen were working in the public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.

After a while, one amazed onlooker said: "Why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"

The hole digger wip...

There is no I in team

But there is an EA so you can pay $2.99 for the teamwork upgrade.

Boss: There is no 'I' in 'team'

Me: There is no 'we' in 'team'
Boss: So what should we do?
Me: There is 'tea' in 'team'. Let's go and have some.

You would think with an entire soccer team stuck in a cave....

One of them would have known how to dive

*Canada's first Professional Soccer team has made it to FIFA*

That's to bad eh, their parents couldn't afford hockey equipment growing up.

What do you call an all kid superhero team.......

Just Kids League

In the next Marvel movie I hear that Ironman, Captain America and the others will team up to battle Comcast .

It is called Avengers Xfinity Wars!

What's the difference between Courtney Love and a hockey team?

A hockey team showers after three periods.

Team lunch at the steakhouse

To celebrate the close of a good fiscal year, the company's CEO takes his team of accountants out for a fancy lunch.

The waiter comes by and asks, "Are you ready to order?"

"Yes. I'll have the steak," says the CEO.

"Very good, sir," says the waiter, "and for your vegetables?"...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a team of superpowered coyotes, raccoons, and vultures?

The Scavengers.

The English national football team

Really is coming home now...

As an armchair pundit, I can't help thinking the Thai team would have escaped sooner

If they'd made better use of their subs

A Mexican man sneaks across the border to watch his favorite football team play...

...and makes it all the way to the stadium. He doesn't have tickets so he finds a large pole to climb up on and jumps down into the top of the bleachers to get a bird-eye view of the game.

After the game was over and his buddies ask him how the game was back in Mexico he replies:

"I do...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"There's no 'I' in team"

"But there's a whole lot of 'U' in shut the fuck up"

Told my dad that 12 boys from a junior football team are lost in a flooded cave in Thailand.

Dad: They should call a priest.

Me: Dad! They could still be alive.

Dad: Yes I believe that they are still alive as well, just toss a priest in the cave and he'll find those boys real quick.

What's the difference between the Argentina national team and a lawnmower?

You can't run the lawnmower on choke for 95 minutes!

When I die I want the England national team to be my pallbearers.

So they can let me down one last time.

You see comrade, there is no I in team.

But there is u in gulag.

I heard the Argentina team has erectile dysfunction

because they never finish

What does the SWAT team listen to on the way to work?

The Raid-eo.

(I’ll be here all night, folks)

I’m really liking the Swiss team this World Cup

For starters, their flag is a big plus.

If Caitlyn Jenner were a super hero, what team would she be on?

The Ex-Men.

Do you know why an Asian teams can never win the soccer world cup?

...Every time a player gets a corner, he builds a shop

One day, prior to the world cup, the US national soccer team manager was visiting Belgium

He was having a meeting with Roberto Martinez, and they were discussing the efficiency of their soccer team.

"Our population is over 300 millions and yet we have failed to qualify for the world cup, Roberto... How did you manage to do so with such a small country ?"

"You know Dave," sa...

Did you hear about the amputee debate team?

They almost won the championship, but it turns out their argument didn’t have a leg to stand on.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Me and my trans male buddy decided to form a bowling team.

We’re calling ourselves “2 Men 2 Balls 1 Goal.”

Beside the sidewalk, someone left a plastic bag with a set of German team uniforms inside. Cannot believe that! Just throw it here??!

It costs 50 cents in supermarket for such a big plastic bag!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The next time England's soccer team plays in the World Cup they should be made up of all female porn stars...

Because no doubt they'll blow a few, but they won't choke on the big one.

A manager cracks a joke. Everyone in the team laughs except one guy.

"Didn't you understand?" the manager asks.

The guy replies : "I resigned yesterday."

As a good luck charm my baseball team eats taco bell before every game.

To help us get more runs than our opponent.

My gf's soccer team won 1-0

She's a keeper.

What's the difference between my son and the England national football team?

My son stopped disappointing me after 52 years.

The Somalian Olympics team has just apologised

The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologised to the Olympic Committee after realising that sailing and shooting were 2 separate events!!

Always remember that there’s no “i” in “team”.

I learned that the hard way during a game of scrabble.

A blonde women's basketball team rallied and then tied up the score at the end of regulation...

...and the coach took out a bottle of wine and handed out glasses to the team.

After imbibing, the blonde team obviously ended up losing.

Coach was asked later by, "Why the early celebration?"

Coach said, "We weren't celebrating, we're not that stupid. I served wine because I h...

Trump should hire the Swedish Soccer team..

Mexico couldn't break their wall.

"Son, what would happen if neither team won the Super Bowl?"

"It's a Tide ad."

While planning a potluck at work, one of my coworkers asked if we had any vegans on the team.

I told her probably not. They would have let us know several times by now.