Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?

Well, technically it's only a murder if there's probable caws.

What do you call a group of unvaccinated children?

A Plagueround

What rock group has four men that don't sing?

Mount Rushmore.

Why do teenage girls go to the bathroom in odd-numbered groups?

Because they can't even.

When I die I want all the people I’ve ever worked with on group projects to lower me in the ground,

So they can let me down one last time.

A group of DnD players walk into a bar

The bartender asks, “what’re you all in for?”

The group says “we’re hunting mimics”

The bartender laughed, the group laughed, the table laughed. They killed the table

Which group of people are known for never getting mad?

The Nomads

I just got kicked out of my improv group

I don’t give a schtick.

It is 1850 in California, where a group of miners are looking for gold.

Hundreds of miners flock to a local river and reserve their spots for mining.

Some manage to secure a spot on the river before the rush, and the spots are taken instantly. Ones that slept in are too late and have to move on to the next one. Some of them will never find gold, even the.miners i...

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I started a support group for those who can't achieve an orgasm

If you can't come,let us know ..

A group of chess-playing fanatics would gather each day in the hotel lobby to brag about their greatest victories.

There came a day when the hotel manager barred the group from the lobby because he couldn't stand to listen to a band of chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

What do you call a group of mollusks, that are also horrible racists?

The Ku Klux Klam

*Im sorry*

What do you call group of 8 rabbits?

Rabbytes.

I just donated £50 to an LGBT group.



I really hope it helps them find a cure.

Do you know where I can rent a church singing group?

Sir,do you mean a choir?

Fine,yes,do you know how much it is to aquire a church singing group?

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A teacher was working with a group of children,

trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception.

She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these."

The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored ...

Some people say theres 2 kinds of pirates; theres the "yo ho ho" or the "yarrggh". I belong to an exclusive third group called:

"I'm not paying $120 a year for photoshop".






*Edit: fixed the price according to google*

Some cool facts about the names of groups!

A group of crows is called a murder.

A group of nuns is called a gaggle.

A group of Catholic Priests is called a Cell Block.

I told this joke today when asked to stand up and introduce yourself to the group, and say something interesting about yourself ...

So this guy dies and goes to hell. He finds himself in a nice room with a group of other people. Satan stands up and says, "Welcome to Hell!" The guy thinks to himself, "well, this doesn't seem so awful." Then Satan says, "I'd like each of you to introduce yourself, and tell us something interes...

A group of 2nd, 3rd and 4th graders, accompanied by 2 female teachers, went on a field trip to the local race track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the sporting industry, but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the gents when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal...

I read somewhere that in every group of 10 friends, one of them would become a murderer at some point.

I pushed my buddy Dave off a cliff, as I had a feeling it would've been him.

Karen served wild mushrooms to the church group.

A group of country friends from the Wildwood Church wanted to get together on a regular basis, socialize, and play games. The lady of the house was to prepare the meal.

When it came time for Tom and Karen to be the hosts, Karen wanted to outdo all the others. Karen decided to have mushroom-sm...

A group of terrorist just hijacked a building full of congressmen...

...They laid their intent and threatened everyone should they not follow that they would release one congressman every hour

A group of Engineers are in a bar and the conversation turns to religion,...

The System Engineer says, "God must be an Systems Engineer, look at the design of the human nervous system. Millions of signals flying back and forward at enormous speeds, all controlled by a massively powerful processing system that can make billions of calculations every second. Only the greatest ...

(Offensive) What do you call a group of depressed people?

A suicideity

What do you call a group of baby garbage bins?

A litter...

I was in my room and saw a group of 10 ants running around frantically. I felt bad and made a small house for them out of cardboard. This technically makes me their landlord and they are my ..

Tenants

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A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade.

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk. "You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana." "No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!" She then asked M...

A priest and rabbi were skinny dipping in a lake when a group of people arrived.

Some belonged to the priest’s congregation and the others belonged to the rabbi’s. The priest and rabbi left their clothes on the other side of the lake and didn't have time to retrieve them, so they got out of the lake hoping to make a run for it. The priest, running with his hands covering his gen...

Terrorist groups in the Middle East have started surgically implanting improvised explosive devices inside the cattle that they drive through town on the way to market

The UN has described this practice as abominable.

Click for hint: >!(hint - say it out loud)!<

I was trying to start an Erectile Dysfunction support group

But it flopped and nobody came.

What do you call a group of cows in America?

The United Steaks of America

What do you call a group of British gentlemen who have misplaced their donkey?

Assless Chaps



My coworker used to tell me this one.

What do you call an Emo A capella group?

Self Harmony

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Jeff was introducing his work colleague to a group of friends...

“Hey everybody, this is Christopher. Everybody calls him Dick for short.”

One of the Jeff’s female friends asks, “How do you get Dick from Christopher?”

“You just have to ask him nicely.”

A group of terrorists started a boy band

The group is called bomb squad

What do you do if you get attacked by a group of clowns?

Go straight for the juggler.

A group of robbers burst into a bank and line everybody inside up against the wall.

They then proceed to take anything of monetary value from the people. Among those about to be robbed are two bank accountants.
Suddenly, one of them thrusts something into the hand of the other.
“What’s this?” He whispered.
“It’s the fifty bucks I owe you.”

what do u call a group of colonels ?

a cob .

get it . cuz colonel is pronounced kernel . like corn .

i try ok .

What can be said about a group of gassy Egyptians?

They have toot in common

When you’re alone in Germany being approached by a group of old men

You have to fear the wurst

Save money on home security and alarm systems by flying flags of politically taboo groups on the front

The police will watch your house for free!

I've been meeting up with a group of alcoholics who want to get better.

We've found we're much better drinkers when we're all doing it together.

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I’m really into beastiality group sex.

It’s a great way to blow a couple of bucks.

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Today I overheard a group of funeral directors bragging about their cars.

Mostly they were arguing about who has the most hearse power.

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I started a support group for premature ejaculators

Everyone came early

A group of crows were receiving their PhDs at their college's commencement ceremony when the police showed up.

They all were arrested for third-degree murder.

Last year I joined a support group for anti social people

We haven't met yet.

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him.

Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?

George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighte...

Juan, a prison warden, decided a group of sikhs (4 or 5 of them) should be released for good behaviour.

The occasion was mentioned in the newspaper: “Juan to free four, five sikhs”
I’ll be here all week.

I went to a support group for people with low self esteem

As an activity to boost our self esteem, the instructor had us all go around in a circle and say one thing that we had accomplished in our life.

When it got to me, I told them that once I put a USB in right on the first try!

"I'm sorry, you must be in the wrong group," said the instruc...

What’s the difference between a group of pygmies and a women’s cross country running team?

One of them, is a Cunning bunch of Runts...

A group of pirates walked out of a strip club with disappointed looks on their faces.

They were hoping to find some booty, but all they got were sunken chests.

What is a charger's favorite group ?

AC DC

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I started a group for people who cant ejaculate

But nobody came

Scientology is officially recognised as a religion in the UK, rather than just a cult. A cult being a group who believe in bizarre theories and superstitions, practice daft rituals and accept ridiculous restrictions on their behaviour.

Whereas a religion…….

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel,

and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
'But why,' they asked, as they moved off.
'Because, 'he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

Quasimodo was running down the street chased by a group of kids.

He said, "For the last time, I haven't got your football."

Bikers were riding west on when they saw a girl about to jump off a Bridge.

They stopped and George, the leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit ...

A Catholic Priest and a Jewish Rabbi....

A Priest and a Rabbi where sitting on a bench in a park conversing. Moments later when a group of kids walks by one of the kids drops his money and bends over the pick it up.

Forgetting who he was talking to, the priest says: Hey wanna screw that kid?!

The Rabbi replies: Screw him out ...

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70 year old widow

A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local paper that read: HUSBAND WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. On the second day, she heard th...

A group of engineering professors are all sitting on a plane waiting to take off...

The captain comes over the intercom and announces that as a surprise, the entire plane has been designed and built by their students.

Understandably, all the engineers immediately begin panicking, desperately scrambling to get off the plane, all except for one who is still calmly sitting in h...

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A doctor assembled a large auditorium of people.

He says thank you for join me today, I’m going to ask you personal questions as a group, this is for a study of mine please be honest and don’t be shy.

How many people have sex everyday? The people who raised their hands where happy good looking and seemed to be doing great in there lives....

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Small Anatomy Contest

This is a joke to tell in a group of guy friends:

3 guys find out about a contest to find who has the smallest body parts.

Guy 1: I've got the smallest hands in the world! I can win this one easy.

Guy 2: My ears are tiny! I can win the smallest ears contest, no problem.

G...

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A shipment of Viagra was stolen last night

Cops are looking for a group of hardened criminals

A bus full of ugly people had a head-on collision with a truck.

When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This went on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysteri...

A politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and ...

An American, An Englishman and a Canadian were walking through a jungle said to be infested with cannibals...

Immediately they are ambushed by a group of cannibals and taken to the cannibal leader.

The leader feels sorry for them and tells them that he will let them go if they pick up any fruit within a 3 mile radius, get it back to the cannibal camp and manage to swallow it without making any facial...

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So a covenant of nuns hires a group of landscapers to do some work.... (Long)

Sister Mary Peter was looking at the grounds of the covenant one day and decided to call her brother John, a landscaper, to do some work and liven up the place. After agreeing to do so, John and his crew arrived at the covenant and began work on the grounds.

Throughout the week, John and his ...

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Captain Blackbeard and his first mate Kelly capture a ship searching for precious jewels...

The ship is carrying three groups: guides, soldiers, and miners. They are transferring the three groups over in three boats. During the transfer, the boat with the guides capsizes, followed by the soldiers, but the miners cross safely.
A bloom of jellyfish passes by and stings the men in the wat...

A Joke from Hong Kong

Recently the Hong Kong Government has announced that all police will have to travel in groups of three:

One cop knows how to read,

The second knows how to write

And the third is to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.

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On a remote Pacific island, a missionary is trying to teach English to the natives.

He takes a group of the local men on a walk through the jungle, pointing out various items and telling them the English equivalents.
He points to a tree and says "Tree".
The natives all nod and repeat "Tree".
A short time later they come across a large boulder. The missionary says "Rock"....

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What do Americans do in a group chat?

Mass shoot the shit

How do A Capela groups get famous?

By word of mouth

^This ^is ^my ^original ^joke ^I ^thought ^of ^today

What do you call a group of crows at a planned meet up?

Pre-meditated Murder.

What do you call a group of agitated crows?

Aggravated Murder.

I will see myself out.

What do you call it when a group of dogs take over control of a ship?

A muttiny

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A group of people from different nationalities went to a restaurant and each ordered a glass of wine. When they received their drinks, they found out every glass had a fly in it.

The swede demanded new wine in the same glass.

The brit demanded new wine in a new glass.

The finnish man took the fly out of the glass and drank the wine.

The Russian drank the wine with the fly.

The Chinese man ate the fly and left the wine.

The jew took the...

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An old man was sitting on his porch one morning when a boy walked up the road carrying a large roll of chicken wire.

“Hey, boy! What are you doing with all that chicken wire?”

“I’m gonna catch some chickens, sir.”

“You fool, you can’t catch no chickens with chicken wire.”

The boy smiled and walked off. That evening he came back dragging the chicken wire with at least a dozen chickens rolled up...

A group of proud warriors walk into a bar shortly after a victory in battle.

One warrior began to boast of his skills,

" ... and I took my sword to one hundred men's necks "

There was an applause and awe set in at the bar.
Another warrior from the battle came fourth and started,

"This battle, I crushed the spines of 200 men!!!"

Again the cro...

Joe goes to prom

Joe has had a crush on Ashley since fourth grade but never said anything. Prom is coming up and she recently broke up with her boyfriend that she'd been dating since freshman year. Joe decided that if he was going to make a move it was now or never. He worked up the courage to go up to Ashley and as...

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Purple Vein

Disclaimer skipping to the end will ruin the joke, but it is best said in person to a group of people. Enjoy!


One morning a young boy was walking to class when three older girls approached the boy and said well aren't you just a "purple vein". The boy asked but the girls giggled as they...

Blue

Did you hear about the group of people that don't believe in the color blue? They think it's cyan's fiction

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A man was walking across a desert with his camel

A man was walking across a desert with his camel. It had been close to 10 days since the two had left the last oasis.

In the blazing heat, the man decided to take a sip of water. But noticing that he had only a few ounces of water left, he decided to save it for later.

The blazing hea...

A man with heart problems wins 100 million dollars

A group of his friends are the only people who know about this and they debate how they should tell him, considering that due to his condition such a sudden news might cause his heart to stop because of joy.
So they decide that the most calm person in the group would go tell him.

The frien...

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A Catholic church is burning down

There is a group of choir boys and 2 priest

The priest ask the other priest if they had enough time to save the kids.

He turns around and says "nah fuck em"

The other priest replies " Its gonna be close, might have enough time for a few"

Did you know if you leave a group you’re singing with and then come back, they have to give you an Altoid?

It’s a re-choir mint

Why are furries not the most popular group of people

Because they like to be the underdog

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A big city doctor visits an Native American tribe full of men and he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?”

"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first."


The doctor not knowing what to do stands cluelessly until a tribesman explains to him: " Us...

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Two friends, Bob and Sam, are bored are sitting around the house. Bob asks Sam do you want to play a game?

**NOTE: This joke only really works in person and told to a group of people. **

Sam says "Ok, what's the game?"

Bob replies, "I'll blind fold you and put something up your butt and you have to guess what it is."

Sam hesitantly says, "umm ok" and puts a blind fold on and drops h...

A pea, a lemon, and a potato went to the bar

A pea, a lemon, and a potato all went out to the bar after work. They all had a couple of drinks and had a merry time. The potato, being made entirely of starch, didn't get drunk at all, let alone tipsy. The lemon, being citrus, didn't feel very good after the second drink. The pea, being very small...

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What did the waiter ask the group of dining Jewish mothers?

"Pardon me ladies, but is ANYTHING all right?"


(Shabbat Shalom my fellow Jews of the Jokes sub!)

A man goes to a Buddhist retreat

A man goes to a Buddhist retreat to get in touch with his spiritual side. While there he takes part in meditation, gardening, running and listening to music. He also notices a group of monks doing some strange things. Every day the monks would spend the morning digging holes, putting up posts, ...

I have an extremely rare phobia of Michael Jackson joining the group that sang "Stayin' Alive."

It gives me the Hee-Hee Bee Gees.

Whilst holidaying in France I saw a group of mushrooms performing Queen covers.

I said 'You're brilliant, what's the band called?'
They replied 'We are the Champignons, my friend'

UN was recruting new soldiers so a German, American and Chinese guy applied.

To get accepted they had to pass some tests.
The first test was infront of a forest.
The UN officer yells to the german: bring us some wood.

He runs into the forest and after half an hour he returns with hands full of branches and planks.

After that the officer yells to the Amer...

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