Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?

Well, technically it's only a murder if there's probable caws.

Do you know where I can rent a church singing group?

Sir,do you mean a choir?

Fine,yes,do you know how much it is to aquire a church singing group?

What do you call a group of programmers?

An argument.

I was in my room and saw a group of 10 ants running around frantically. I felt bad and made a small house for them out of cardboard. This technically makes me their landlord and they are my ..

Tenants

What do you call an Emo A capella group?

Self Harmony

Some people say theres 2 kinds of pirates; theres the "yo ho ho" or the "yarrggh". I belong to an exclusive third group called:

"I'm not paying $120 a year for photoshop".






*Edit: fixed the price according to google*

What rock group had four man who don't sing?

Mount Rushmore

Juan, a prison warden, decided a group of sikhs (4 or 5 of them) should be released for good behaviour.

The occasion was mentioned in the newspaper: “Juan to free four, five sikhs”
I’ll be here all week.

What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?

Go for the juggler.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of people went to eat

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan...

Why are furries not the most popular group of people

Because they like to be the underdog

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a group of adult entertainment and sex workers?

A Pornucopia

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A big city doctor visits an Native American tribe full of men and he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?"

"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey....

A group of 3 men walked into a bar

The scottish man had whiskey the frenchman had champagne and the inuit had some bellinis- the french and scottish looked at him and both said: I knew it!

What do you call a group of depressed teens?

A hangout

A priest and rabbi were skinny dipping in a lake when a group of people arrived.

Some belonged to the priest’s congregation and the others belonged to the rabbi’s. The priest and rabbi left their clothes on the other side of the lake and didn't have time to retrieve them, so they got out of the lake hoping to make a run for it. The priest, running with his hands covering his gen...

What do you call a group of 8 rabbits?

A rabbyte.

A group of crows flew into a church during the Sunday service.

It was a Mass murder.

Whilst holidaying in France I saw a group of mushrooms performing Queen covers.

I said 'You're brilliant, what's the band called?'
They replied 'We are the Champignons, my friend'

What do you call a group of killer whales playing music together?

An orca-stra!

I have an extremely rare phobia of Michael Jackson joining the group that sang "Stayin' Alive."

It gives me the Hee-Hee Bee Gees.

What is an Alzheimer patient's favorite musical group?

The Who?

Did you know if you leave a group you’re singing with and then come back, they have to give you an Altoid?

It’s a re-choir mint

I went to a support group the other day.

The leader asked everyone to share their greatest accomplishment. When it got to me I told them, “I plugged in a usb on the first try once.” The instructor looked at me and said, “I’m sorry, this group is for people with low self esteem. Pathological liars are across the hall.”

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him.

Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?

George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighte...

A teacher is trying to persuade the kids to buy a copy of the class' group picture:

“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.”

A small voice at the back of the room rang out: “And there’s our teacher, she’s dead.”

Two groups of warriors are facing each other beafore a battle

Wanting to intimidate their foes, a swordsman takes out his handkerchief, throws it up into the air and deftly slices it into ribbons before it hits the ground.

Not wanting to be outdone, his opponent also takes out his handkerchief and throws it up in the air. The handkerchief flutters down...

Diarrhea sufferers should have a support group...

Somewhere they can just let it all out

A group of girls named Karen, Jane and Ruth often hang out. What are Karen and Jane like by themselves?

Completely Ruthless

Last year I joined a group for anti-social people.

We haven't met yet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the waiter ask the group of dining Jewish mothers?

"Pardon me ladies, but is ANYTHING all right?"


(Shabbat Shalom my fellow Jews of the Jokes sub!)

What do you call a group of 8th grade boys arguing about calculus?

Math debaters

What do you call a group of Amish witches?

A Dutch coven.

Me and my imaginary alphabet friends took a group photo together

When I looked at the picture only I was in it

I tried making a group for men with erectile dysfunction.

Turns out it was harder than I thought.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of doctors in a psychiatric ward wanted to look for an improvement in the mental stability of their patients, so they devised an experiment. A doctor put 5 patients in one room.

While in the room, this doctor went to the wall and drew a door (with a door knob and a keyhole). He told the 5 patients in the room to figure out how to open the door.



1st patient waved at the doctors, and tried to open the painted door.

2nd patient kept shouting at the door "...

Why do white teenage girls always hang out in groups of 3, 5 or 7?

They just, like, literally can't even

What do you call a group of people waiting to get into a Pride festival?

An LGBT queue

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One in our group of friends is supposed to be gay.

I hope it's Dave, he's so cute.

I signed up for an ADHD support group...

We meet every Tuesday night from 6:00 to 6:08, 6:12 to 6:22, 6:31 to 6:44, and 6:46 to 7:00.

A group of young men were sitting around the coffee shop complaining about how hard it was to get by in this day and age.

Bob, an old timer, was listening to them and finally spoke. “You kids don’t know what hard times are. Why, when I was your age we were so poor we couldn’t afford electricity. Why, we even had to watch television by candle light.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My local theater was putting on a group of XXX roman plays. I thought it sounded sexy so I decided to go.

It was thirty plays

What do you call a gangsta sewing group?

Nittas With Attitude

A cop lies in wait as a group leaves a bar

Finally closing time, he dims his lights and waits for the group to get in their vehicles.

As the people get to their cars, the first car to leave the parking lot swerves a bit, pops the curb slightly, continues on and gets back on the road and makes a slow start to head home. Seeing this, th...

If Forrest Gump ran a property management group, what would it be called?

New Tenant Dan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

the wisdom of a rabbi

Two priests, one catholic and one protestant, and a rabbi, decide to cool off in a stream close to the religious conference venue they just left at the end of a long day.

They thoroughly enjoy their swim and then get out and enjoy the sunshine. As they bask their naked bodies in the sun, a gr...

What do you call a group of coma patients who suddenly wake and start singing?

Vegetable medley.

If a group of lions is called a pride, what do you call a group of "Karens"?

A complaint.

What's a group of people with ADHD?

a Non-Concentration camp

A group of Catholic sisters want to open up a flower shoppe...

...it’s going to be called “Nuns N’ Roses”.

How do you get a group of drunk and rowdy Canadians out of a pool?

You walk up to them and say “please can you get out of the pool?”

There's a group of white supremacists who don't eat meat

The Vegetaryan Brotherhood

You're walking through the woods late at night, and come across a group of killer clowns. What's the best move to keep yourself alive?

Go for the juggler.

A new group of auto thieves have been pickpocketing keychains clipped to tourists' bags and belts.

Authorities say to be on the lookout for these Pirates of the Carabiners.

The killing of Julius Caesar is a perfect example of group project. 60 dudes agreed to kill Caesar

But there were only 23 stab wounds

What do you call a group of body doubles?

A doppelgang

I was attacked by a group of mimes

..............they did unspeakable things to me.

What do you call a group of motivational speakers?

A fleece.

Everyone sat around the table at the arm amputee support group

Speaker: how about a group hug to cheer everyone up

I thought starting a creative writing group for felons would be a great idea.

Turns out it has its prose and cons.

I just joined a group called D.I.C.K.

It stands for International Center for Dyslexic Kids

What do groups of whales listen to together?

*pod*-casts

How do you stop a group of deaf people from arguing?

Turn off the lights

One in our friend group is supposed to be a dyslexic junkie.

Needles to say it's not me.

I’m writing a screenplay about a group of criminals scheming to rob an allergy clinic.

I’m thinking of calling it “The Gesundheist”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got an mp3 player for my birthday. But this group of shitheads at school decided to break it. So my mom bought me an mp4 player. Same group of shitheads broke it. So I brought an mp5, but the school confiscated that.

Tomorrow I'm bringing an MP7

A terrorist group made an attack on a bank last week.

It was a pretty big economic boom.

What do you call a group of rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

What is a hackers favorite pop group?

The Black IP’s


Note: Siri voice to text is solely responsible for this

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend went to his premature ejaculators support group weekly meeting today

He later found out it was tomorrow

Seeking inspiration, a screenwriter goes to the holy place of Golgotha in Jerusalem, believed to be the site of Jesus's crucifixion. Finding a quiet spot, he begins to write. Unfortunately, a group of thieves sneak up behind him, knock him out, and steal his laptop.

Another victim of a cross site scripting attack.

What do you call a group of California Highway Patrolmen with chewing tobacco?

CHiPs and dip.

What do you call a group of gamers out in public?

A rare occurance.

A group of cowboys were branding some cattle

While they were out the cook saw a sheep tied to a post. Thinking it was for that nights dinner he cooked it.
That night after dinner the cowboys were all sulking and ignoring the cook. He pulled one aside and asked, "Did I screw up the cooking?"
"No", the cowboy replied, "You cooked up the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've just arrived at my premature ejaculation support group.

I came on the bus

What do you call a group of unvaccinated children?

A graveyard

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of bored military officers start talking about whether sex is work or fun

The lieutenant goes first and says, "I feel that making love is 80% fun and 20% work."

Then captain responded by saying, "No, I think that making love is more work than that. I would say that it is 60% fun and 40% work."

Finally, the major says, "No, making love is definitely way more ...

A group of doctors were getting frustrated while discussing their failing medical practice...

...they were unfortunately running out of patience.

What do you call it when a group of crows make plans to get together?

Premeditated murder

What do you get when you combine a group of crows, a Hitman, and a chicken?

A murder most fowl.

What do you call a group of lions partying on ships in Gibraltar?

A strait pride parade.

What do you call a group of wizards?

A staff meeting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say one in every four men is gay

, so there must be one in my group of friends.

I hope it’s Michael – he’s super cute.

What do you call a small group of small fish?

A miniscule minnow mini school.

A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were pretty and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where
they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive. The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years later,...

Want to join my flat earth society group?

It has millions of people from all around the globe in it.

Thanos, Hulk, and IronMan created a group chat...

..It’s named SnapChat

If a group of anti-vaxx kids play spin the bottle

Is it considered a mass suicide?

What do you call a group of electrons working as spies between atoms

Bond, Covalent bond

I don't get Racism, why would you choose to hate an entire group of people...

Simply because of the way they all behave?

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group

I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

Admin : Adds Erica to the group.

David: Hi Erica welcome to the group.

Erica: Hi guys, I am new to the city.

Sam: Hi Erica don’t worry, I am here, any problems I will be the solution.

Kevin: Hi Erica. Tell me if you have any problem, I will arrange a solution for you.

Kyle: Hi Erica, if you need anyt...

I was once in a group project with a girl who did nothing but send feet pics

That was her sole contribution

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Group Therapy and Group Sex?

Group therapy you hear all their problems; group sex you see them

The wife asked me how may Motown groups I could name.

I said "Two...maybe three....Four tops"

I started a group for anonymous cycling enthusiasts.

But so far the members who’ve joined Pedalphiles seem to know nothing about bicycles in general.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of engineering students and their teacher were given free airplane tickets to go on a holiday

Once on the plane, the captain announced that they were on the plane the students had built. Everyone freaked and rushed out of the plane, except for the teacher who stayed there with calm. When the flight attendant asked why he hadn't left, he responded " I know the abilities of my students. This...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the Premature Ejaculators Anonymous support group today.

Turns out it's tomorrow.

Edit: A few of you started laughing before the end of that joke.



*Credit: Gary Delaney*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a group of corgis having sex called?

A corgy

I said this in a group chat some time ago, now I'll post it here.

As we all know there are five internets.

1: the surface web. It's what we all use. People say its advanced but it never loads, is filled with spam, and has no memes for the blind.

2: the deep web. It's where illegal and secret stuff happens. Pepole are worried about it housing networ...

A group of theives are going to retail stores and are stealing clothes by sizes

Police say they are still at large.

What do you get if you get stung by a group of stingrays?

A fever

I think atoms are chronic liars in a group setting.

Because they make everything up together.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A large group of first year medical school students filed into a lab...

...during their first week, for the first meeting of their gross anatomy class where they would be examining human cadavers. The professor walked to the front of the room, and addressed the students:

"The most important quality you will need as a physician is unfazability. Nothing can '...

What do you call a group of Egyptian Stoners?

The Nile High Club

Flat-Earthers always change what they say about the Flat Earth for their convenience. Luckily there aren't any other groups that do that.

Thank God.

I recently started a literature group for inmates

It's got it's prose and cons.

A group of thieves have been going around stealing all the toilets in town

Local authorities say they have nothing to go on

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was playing a big game of hide and seek when I went camping with a big group.

We were devided in teams of two and we had to stay hidden in a big forrest for as long as possible. I was put in a team with my little brother. After searching for a good spot we eventually settled in a watchtower.

We agreed that one person stood watch and the other could rest. My brother be...

What do you call a group of disabled people in a hot tub?

Vegetable soup.

Caitlyn Jenner becomes a super hero but doesn’t know what group to join...

She’s still deciding whether to be an Ex-men or a Trans-former

I made a group for rocket scientists once

It really took off

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of lunatics are on a plane

While in the air, a lot of noise is heard from the cabin and the plane begins to violently shake. The pilot asks the copilot to go into the cabin to see what's wrong. A few minutes later, the copilot comes back into the cockpit.

"The passengers are playing football."

The pilot says "Wh...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.