“Do you know how much it is to rent a church singing group?”

“Sir, do you mean a choir?”

“Fine, yes, do you know how much it is to acquire a church singing group?”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A big city doctor visits an Native American tribe full of men and he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?"

"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey....

Why do white teenage girls always hang out in groups of 3, 5 or 7?

They just, like, literally can't even

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him.

Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?

George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighte...

I was attacked by a group of mimes

..............they did unspeakable things to me.

What do you call a group of people waiting to get into a Pride festival?

An LGBT queue

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

They say one in every four men is gay

, so there must be one in my group of friends.

I hope it’s Michael – he’s super cute.

What do you call it when a group of crows make plans to get together?

Premeditated murder

If a group of anti-vaxx kids play spin the bottle

Is it considered a mass suicide?

So apparently there is now a social awareness group that formed to protect corpses from necrophiliacs!

#MeTomb

What do you call a group of electrons working as spies between atoms

Bond, Covalent bond

An evil Atheist explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives.

Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself: "Oh God, I’m screwed!!!!!."

There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out:
"No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you!

So the explorer pick...

Flat-Earthers always change what they say about the Flat Earth for their convenience. Luckily there aren't any other groups that do that.

Thank God.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A group of bored military officers start talking about whether sex is work or fun

The lieutenant goes first and says, "I feel that making love is 80% fun and 20% work."

Then captain responded by saying, "No, I think that making love is more work than that. I would say that it is 60% fun and 40% work."

Finally, the major says, "No, making love is definitely way more ...

A group of theives are going to retail stores and are stealing clothes by sizes

Police say they are still at large.

One in our friend group is supposed to be a dyslexic junkie.

Needles to say it's not me.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My friend went to his premature ejaculators support group weekly meeting today

He later found out it was tomorrow

What do you get if you get stung by a group of stingrays?

A fever

I was once in a group project with a girl who did nothing but send feet pics

That was her sole contribution

What do you call a group of Egyptian Stoners?

The Nile High Club

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A large group of first year medical school students filed into a lab...

...during their first week, for the first meeting of their gross anatomy class where they would be examining human cadavers. The professor walked to the front of the room, and addressed the students:

"The most important quality you will need as a physician is unfazability. Nothing can '...

A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were pretty and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where
they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive. The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years later,...

If you ever get attacked by a group of clowns

Go for the juggler

I made a group for rocket scientists once

It really took off

A group of adventurers on Mount Everest have banded together to clean up the stuff left behind by past expeditions. It will likely take them at least 3 years.

More if there are any vegetarians. Less if they develop a taste for freezer burned meat.

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group

I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

I recently started a literature group for inmates

It's got it's prose and cons.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A group of lunatics are on a plane

While in the air, a lot of noise is heard from the cabin and the plane begins to violently shake. The pilot asks the copilot to go into the cabin to see what's wrong. A few minutes later, the copilot comes back into the cockpit.

"The passengers are playing football."

The pilot says "Wh...

Admin : Adds Erica to the group.

David: Hi Erica welcome to the group.

Erica: Hi guys, I am new to the city.

Sam: Hi Erica don’t worry, I am here, any problems I will be the solution.

Kevin: Hi Erica. Tell me if you have any problem, I will arrange a solution for you.

Kyle: Hi Erica, if you need anyt...

One day a group of Pacific Islanders desired to build a throne for their king.

One day a group of Pacific Islanders from the island Tobi decided to build a throne for their chief. It was carved from the local volcanic stone and sat in the center of the village up on a platform so the chief could look down upon his beloved subjects.
The village one island over in Palau look...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I went to the Premature Ejaculators Anonymous support group today.

Turns out it's tomorrow.

Edit: A few of you started laughing before the end of that joke.

​

*Credit: Gary Delaney*

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A group of engineering students and their teacher were given free airplane tickets to go on a holiday

Once on the plane, the captain announced that they were on the plane the students had built. Everyone freaked and rushed out of the plane, except for the teacher who stayed there with calm. When the flight attendant asked why he hadn't left, he responded " I know the abilities of my students. This...

A group of Egyptian soldier were beaten by Stone Age tribesmen after abandoning their steel tipped spears

Oh the iron-y

There is a group of 3 friends out jogging around their city. 2 of the friends run into a bar.

The 3rd friend goes around it.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel

and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a group of guys named Richard?

An embarrassment of Riches.


If you thought it was "a bunch of Dicks" get your mind out of the gutter!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Group of Friends Hop on a Private Plane

An hour or so into the flight, the plane shudders violently for a moment, but calms down after a moment. The pilot comes back to calm down his frightened passengers and says "Now I don't mean to scare you but we just lost one of our engines. Really nothing to worry about though, we can fly just fi...

I asked a group of people how they felt about the word "Eskimo".

None of them were Inuit.

What is a urologists favourite rap group?

ICP

What do you call a group of disabled people in a hot tub?

Vegetable soup.

I am involved with a group that supports gastrointestinal awareness.

We call ourselves the bowel movement.

A group of North Korean soldiers sneaked out one night to a bar.

Everybody got shots.

A group of adventurers embarks on a quest

"DragonFlameKing", who is the highest level in the party, gathers the others before they begin the quest to discuss strategies and check their supplies.

-Alright, gear and equipments look fine so hear me out for a little bit. This quest is not too demanding but it's still hard. I am a Juggern...

A group of blondes walk into a bar,

all of them chanting "Twenty-four days! Twenty-four days!" They got a table and continued to yell "Twenty-four days! Twenty-four days!" They started hooting and high-fiving each other as well. Intrigued, the bartender walks over to the table and sees a finished child's puzzle with Sesame Street's El...

What do you call a group of musically talented whales?

An orca-stra

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turned to the third mom. "Your obsessio...

A Tour Guide at a dinosaur museum is guiding around a group of people. Looking at a T-Rex he says

"This fossil is 23,000,011 years old." One of the members of the group asks out of curiosity, "Wow, how'd they find out such a specific number?" the guide replied "Well, it was 23,000,000 when I started 11 years ago."

*Source: Reader's Digest*

What group of people’s favorite element is Nickel?

The Knights who say Ni!

What do you call an emo a capella group?

Self Harmony

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was a group of 1940s German mathematicians...

They told the world they had discovered the perfect ratio of plutonium to uranium in order to create fuel capable of space travel. They said it was simple, two parts plutonium, one part uranium. However, the rest of Europe didn't believe them because they were a bunch of fibbinazis.

I'm part of a big band group called The Megabytes.

Our thousandth member recently joined, finally readying us for our debut live performance.

It'll be our first gig.

Last year I joined a group for anti-social people

We haven’t met yet

Since it’s Easter, what do you call a group of rabbits hopping backward in sync?

A receding hareline.

Why did the group of previously miscarried mothers meet at chilis?

They wanted their baby back ...baby back... baby back

What rock group has four man that don't sing?

Mount Rushmore

A group of people are travelling and see a zebra which is completely white

The buisnessman says: Look! The zebra here are white!

The biologist says: That may not be true, but its an important discovery nonetheless

The statistician says: This zebra is insignificant, only one is known to exist

The mathematician says: Actually we only know that this zebra...

A tour guide is leading a group through a museum in London.

“This mummy here is over 5,000 years old,” the guide told the group. “It’s possible that Moses saw it.”

​

A tourist raises her hand and asks, “When was Moses ever in London?”

Why do Stalinist KGB Agents travel in groups of three?

One to read, one to write, and one to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My friend says someone in our male friend group is gay

I hope it’s Lucas, he’s really cute

In the late 1940s a group of physicists got their hands on a battleship gun barrel to use for their experiments.

So they modified and used the barrel as a particle accelerator.

But the problem was that the actual machines they used for the experiment was on one end of of the barrel or the other. So it was very difficult for them to adjust parts of the experiment.

So what they did is that they wo...

I started a new support group called D.A.M

Mothers Ageist Dyslexia.

In an American history discussion group, a professor is trying to explain how society’s idea of beauty changes with time.

“For example,” he says, “the winner of the Miss America pageant in 1921 stood five foot one, weighed only 108 pounds, and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she’d do in today’s version of the contest?”

​

The class was silent until one woman comments, “She’d lose ...

What do you call a large group of anti-vaxxers?

A quarantine.

What group of people do airport security absolutely forbid from coming on planes?

Gender fluid.

A group of people were standing in a circle..

It was a pointless conversation.

What do you call a group of attractive, promiscuous witches?

An Easy Bae Coven.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the penis say to a group of penises?

What's up phallus

There’s a group of kids outside my house having a water fight, I’ve decided I’m going to go and join them

I’m just chilling on reddit waiting for the kettle to boil

What do a group of whales listen to on long journey?

Podcasts.

I wanted to set up a procrastinators support group

But I kept on postponing it on my reminder

I have unidirectional phobia, but I started going to support groups.

And finally I took a step in the right direction.

How do you stop an argument between a group of deaf people?

Turn the lights off.

A group of friends went deer hunting.

They decided to separate into pairs for the day to cover more ground. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering under a huge buck. The rest of the group helped him as he dropped the buck, before looking around.

“Where’s Harry?” asked one of the other hunters.

“He fainted a coup...

What do you call a group of white guys on a bench?

The NBA

What do you call a group of racist shellfish?

The Ku Klux Klams

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old Australian gynecologist was doing his rounds with a group of interns in tow.

As they were making their way between patients, one of the interns tapped the elderly doctor on the shoulder.

"Uh, doctor? I just thought I should tell you that you have an IUD behind your right ear."

The old doctor fumbled behind his ear and retrieved the offending device, scowle...

People with which blood group are a mistake?

TypeO

Caitlyn Jenner becomes a super hero but doesn’t know what group to join...

She’s still deciding whether to be an Ex-men or a Trans-former

A group of monks are responsible for hand-making new copies of the bible...

The entire monastery is devoted to the task, each day they all wake up and say their prayers before a humble breakfast and then they begin work. On the anniversary of creating his thousandth copy of the bible since he first joined the monastery two decades ago, brother Gray asks the abbot if he coul...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

You know how they call a group of sluts...

A HOErde

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Group of middle school students visit the Vatican

The teacher guides them through the hallways and tells them about the paintings.

Teacher: "This famous painting made Michelangelo represents the God creating Adam. Can someone tell us what they see here?"

Susan decides to speak:

"Nice muscles", she says

Teacher is furiou...

My friend told me that he was sent to a therapy group for procrastinators.

They haven't conducted the first session yet.

What do you call a group of bugs in an apartment?

Tenants.

My daughter identifies as a small group of words standing together as a conceptual unit, typically forming a component of a clause.

Should I be worried or is it just a phrase?

Did you hear about the group of thieves who took on took much work and went crazy?

The robber band got stretched too thin and snapped.

Saw a group of Sikh men jamming out to heavy metal the other day

They were definitely Down With The Sikhness

When I went to Poland I saw the greatest dancing group in the country

When my wife asked what I did there I told her I saw the worlds best pole dancers!

A group of ravens organized the crows' monthly meeting.

I guess you could say there was a conspiracy to commit a murder.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So a group of boys were in a sex Ed class

And by sex ed class I mean a catholic confession box with a priest.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A group of nuns got hit by a bus and died.

On heavens gate, st. Peter stopped them and told them to get in line and said: "Sisters, wash your sins away in this bowl of holy water, and you can step into heaven!"

First nun:"st.Peter, i've sinned. I once saw a penis."

St.Peter:"Then wash your eyes, and go in, sister!"

Secon...

I was on a guided tour of an Indian Reservation when this streaker ran past our group wearing nothing but a headdress.

I asked the tour guide. "Who's that idiot?"

He replied.."That's Running Bare"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

CAN THE ADMINS OF THIS GROUP DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?!

WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY MAN. HE'S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HIMSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HIS JUNK. HE IS OFFERING UP AN IPHONE X IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 8 AND OBVIO...

What do you call a group of 13 people smoking weed?

A baked dozen.

What do you call the smallest of a group of little people mothers?

The Minimum!

A group of psychiatrists went skating

Many Freudians slipped.

Criminals who work in groups should be proud of themselves.

They’ve accompliced a lot.

What’s an optometrist’s favourite terrorist group?

Iris

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A musical group of 5 boys rented an apartment to practice for a concert.

As they start to practice an old man that lived in the floor below walks up and knocks on the door. He asks for the boys to keep it down because he is an old man he cant stand all the noise. The boys say ‘today practice tomorrow concert but we will try and keep it down’ . An hour later they go at it...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I have an appointment with a premature ejaculation support group tomorrow. I wasn't sure what I should wear.

They said just come in your pants

What is a German group called when they can´t get into the club?

Sour Krauts.

​

Ps: I am a German myself.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So I'm trying to start a new Nazi group...

But it's hard to get people to leave the already established groups, they’re built up, they have community there, then I have it. Weed. We’re going to be the weed Nazis, I get a sponsorship from a local skinhead dispensary, I set up a space, but there’s one problem, I only have 2 water pipes, for t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call group sex in Duckburg?

A Daisy chain.

Today i offended a group of drawers

Apparently they prefer the term "artists"

My dad met a group of forklift operators today

He said they were very uplifting

What do you call a group of forgetful congressmen?

An oversight committee

What do you call a group of cereal boxes that never keep their word?

Corn flakes

Posted on my Facebook group that it's 40 below outside.

Some responded, is that Fahrenheit or Centigrade?

I organised a support group meeting for individuals with erectile dysfunction.

Though around 20 people registered, many couldn't come.

Anyone wanna join my prayer group for woodworkers?

It's called "Oh, Ye of Whittle Faith."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why are the top porn searches always for "Teen" and "MILF" age groups?

Because millennials are sick of watching each other get fucked.

Last week, a group of Hells Angels bikers were riding South on I-85

Last week, a group of Hells Angels bikers were riding South on I-85 in North Carolina country when they saw a girl about to jump off the Catawba River Bridge.
They stopped.
George, the top biker was a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the Stat...

Android group chats be like

Laughed at “Android group chats be like”

A group of nagging dentists discovered and new chemical element.

It's called Phlosphorus.

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