A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him.

Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?

George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighte...

A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were pretty and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where
they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive. The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years later,...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A group of engineering students and their teacher were given free airplane tickets to go on a holiday

Once on the plane, the captain announced that they were on the plane the students had built. Everyone freaked and rushed out of the plane, except for the teacher who stayed there with calm. When the flight attendant asked why he hadn't left, he responded " I know the abilities of my students. This...

I'm part of a big band group called The Megabytes.

Our thousandth member recently joined, finally readying us for our debut live performance.

It'll be our first gig.

What do you call a group of muslims that turn into a giant robot?

A mecca

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group

I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

How do you stop an argument between a group of deaf people?

Turn the lights off.

Why do Stalinist KGB Agents travel in groups of three?

One to read, one to write, and one to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.

What do you call a emo acapella group?

Self harmony

What do a group of whales listen to on long journey?

Podcasts.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the penis say to a group of penises?

What's up phallus

If you get attacked by a group of clowns

Go for the juggler

When I went to Poland I saw the greatest dancing group in the country

When my wife asked what I did there I told her I saw the worlds best pole dancers!

Saw a group of Sikh men jamming out to heavy metal the other day

They were definitely Down With The Sikhness

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Group of middle school students visit the Vatican

The teacher guides them through the hallways and tells them about the paintings.

Teacher: "This famous painting made Michelangelo represents the God creating Adam. Can someone tell us what they see here?"

Susan decides to speak:

"Nice muscles", she says

Teacher is furiou...

Why do teenagers travel in groups of 1,3,5 or 7?

Because they literally can’t even.

What do you call a large group of anti-vaxxers?

A quarantine.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A group of nuns got hit by a bus and died.

On heavens gate, st. Peter stopped them and told them to get in line and said: "Sisters, wash your sins away in this bowl of holy water, and you can step into heaven!"

First nun:"st.Peter, i've sinned. I once saw a penis."

St.Peter:"Then wash your eyes, and go in, sister!"

Secon...

Criminals who work in groups should be proud of themselves.

They’ve accompliced a lot.

What do you call a terrorist group in the North Pole?

ICEIS

A group of psychiatrists went skating

Many Freudians slipped.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I have an appointment with a premature ejaculation support group tomorrow. I wasn't sure what I should wear.

They said just come in your pants

What do you call a group of cereal boxes that never keep their word?

Corn flakes

My daughter identifies as a small group of words standing together as a conceptual unit, typically forming a component of a clause.

Should I be worried or is it just a phrase?

Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups?

Because they can't even.

Today i offended a group of drawers

Apparently they prefer the term "artists"

A group of monks are responsible for hand-making new copies of the bible...

The entire monastery is devoted to the task, each day they all wake up and say their prayers before a humble breakfast and then they begin work. On the anniversary of creating his thousandth copy of the bible since he first joined the monastery two decades ago, brother Gray asks the abbot if he coul...

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So a group of boys were in a sex Ed class

And by sex ed class I mean a catholic confession box with a priest.

My dad met a group of forklift operators today

He said they were very uplifting

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call group sex in Duckburg?

A Daisy chain.

What’s an optometrist’s favourite terrorist group?

Iris

What do you call a group of emos?

A suicide squad

What is a German group called when they can´t get into the club?

Sour Krauts.

​

Ps: I am a German myself.

What do you call a group of forgetful congressmen?

An oversight committee

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A musical group of 5 boys rented an apartment to practice for a concert.

As they start to practice an old man that lived in the floor below walks up and knocks on the door. He asks for the boys to keep it down because he is an old man he cant stand all the noise. The boys say ‘today practice tomorrow concert but we will try and keep it down’ . An hour later they go at it...

What do you call a group of angry white guys?

Saltine Crackers

I organised a support group meeting for individuals with erectile dysfunction.

Though around 20 people registered, many couldn't come.

A group of nagging dentists discovered and new chemical element.

It's called Phlosphorus.

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So I'm trying to start a new Nazi group...

But it's hard to get people to leave the already established groups, they’re built up, they have community there, then I have it. Weed. We’re going to be the weed Nazis, I get a sponsorship from a local skinhead dispensary, I set up a space, but there’s one problem, I only have 2 water pipes, for t...

Anyone wanna join my prayer group for woodworkers?

It's called "Oh, Ye of Whittle Faith."

Android group chats be like

Laughed at “Android group chats be like”

Caitlyn Jenner becomes a super hero but doesn’t know what group to join...

She’s still deciding whether to be an Ex-men or a Trans-former

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why are the top porn searches always for "Teen" and "MILF" age groups?

Because millennials are sick of watching each other get fucked.

What do we call a group of 12 atoms?

Dozen matter.

What did the group of monkeys say to the gym instructor?

Help us buffoons.

What do you call a group of cephalopods trying to kill themselves?

Suicide Squid

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a drive-by done by a group of homosexuals?

A fruit roll up

Why is a group of crows called a "murder"?

because there's probable caws

what do you call a group of baby soldiers?

INFANTry

Posted on my Facebook group that it's 40 below outside.

Some responded, is that Fahrenheit or Centigrade?

A group of Qubits walks into a bar holding hands.

The same group stayed outside the bar.

I was in a band with a group of anti vaxxers.

We didn't live long enough to become popular.

A group of scientists.

A group of scientists implant electronics on ants to try and control them. They start with a small batch of 5 ants. Each ant has a codename - they're called D1, D2, D3, D4 and D5.

Each ant is assigned a task and data is collected about its behaviour. Scientists observe that D1, D2, D3 and D4 ...

I’m a tour guide at a museum, and when I told a group that the fossil they were looking at was 65 million years and 3 weeks old, they asked me where the 3 weeks came from.

I said well it was 65 million years old when I was hired here, and that was 3 weeks ago.

A group of women made a religion about Robin Hood

They were called Menintights

TIL: A thousand years ago, a group of Native Americans tried to cross into Russia from Alaska but failed.

They couldn’t get their Bering Strait.

I've got an amazing joke about a group of people obsessed with fish food!

Cliquebait.

What do you call a group of Caucasians rolling down a hill?

A cracker barrel

As the group of people finished their demonic chanting...

they stabbed an object, lying on the table, feeding it to someone.

​

​

​


♫ Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you ♫

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

CAN THE ADMINS OF THIS GROUP DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?!

WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY MAN. HE'S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HIMSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HIS JUNK. HE IS OFFERING UP AN IPHONE X IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 8 AND OBVIO...

A group of engineering students and their teacher are sitting on a plane.

They are then informed that the plane that they were sitting on was the one they built and designed. The engineering students all fled the aircraft because they didn't trust their own work. However, the teacher remained seated. When asked why, he replied: " If I know these guys as well as I think I...

What do you call a group of people that run around and tickle people?

A Gucci Gucci Gang

Hey guys, I’m looking to hire a group of people to move toxic waste from a nearby nuclear reactor.

I’m not gonna pay anyone but I’m sure you’ll get plenty of exposure.

What do you call a furry hip hop group?

the uwu-tang clan

Last week, a group of Hells Angels bikers were riding South on I-85

Last week, a group of Hells Angels bikers were riding South on I-85 in North Carolina country when they saw a girl about to jump off the Catawba River Bridge.
They stopped.
George, the top biker was a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the Stat...

A group of friends go camping.

They have a rule: whoever is the first to complain about the cooking has to cook the next dinner.

The first evening, they draw straws to see who has to cook first. The new cook does a decent job with their dinner that evening and no one complains. He’s not happy about having to cook, though.<...

What do you call a group of 500 atoms?

A Refund.

*This post is brought to you by "Todd Howard did Nothing Wrong" gang*

I was speaking to a group of the migrants from Central America. I asked them how they felt about a wall between Mexico and the United States.

They told me they would get over it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Mothers Support Group...

At a mother's support group, a gathering of ladies with their children are talking with a therapist about life issues. After a few rounds of discussion the therapist had come to a few conclusions she wanted to share.

She looks at the first mother and says, "The reason you named your daughter...

Whats the difference between an all female marathon and a group of pygmies

The pygmies are cunning runts

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This morning I went to a meeting at the premature ejaculator's support group

Turns out, it's tomorrow

What do you call a musical group made of rubber?

An elastic band.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My friends and I experimented with sex and drugs when we were in high school.

I was the control group.

What do you call a group of snob comedians?

r/Jokes

A group of Christians are tasked with changing a lightbulb.

The Charismatic changes it easily; his hands are already up.

&#x200B;

The Roman Catholic refuses; he prefers candles.

&#x200B;

The Pentecostal changes it while his friends pray against the Lord of Darkness.

&#x200B;

The Christian Scientist can't,...

Saw a group of bodybuilding priests at the gym today

Talk about muscle mass

A girl told me a story about a group of kidnappers who take pretty women.

I told her she shouldn’t worry about them

A young woman is talking to a group of men at a party

She says to the first guy, "Did you hear about the new study that shows vegetables can prevent cancer? Guess we should all be drinking Bloody Marys, huh?"

"Actually..." the first man replies. "That won't help because tomatoes are a fruit."

Annoyed, she turns to a second man and changes...

Did you guys hear about a terrorist group flying down south for a giant snowball fight against penguins

It was all over the news, the headlines read "Isis huge in Antarctica".

So I was jumping on my trampoline the other day when a group of thugs started to approach me...

So I decided to bounce.

A group of chess fanatics were standing in a hotel lobby discussing their recent victories.

The manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ‘But why?’ they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “If there's one thing I can't stand, it's Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer"

What do you call a group of turkeys?

A turkey club.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you guys hear about the group of people working at google who ended up not only getting a sex change but came into work tardy?

They were _google translate_

*dabs*

Teacher: Class, who can tell me what "group necrophilia"means?

Little Johnny: It's a desire to crack open a cold one with the lads.

What’s the collective noun for a group of bloodsucking parasites?

A Senate.

What do you call a group of non-monogamous bloodsucking government workers?

Poly-ticks.

What is the group of cannibals who ate Elon Musk called?

The Three Musk eaters

I'm thinking of setting up a comedy group to help people going through cancer treatment

I'll call it 'A Sense of Tumor'

There is a therapy group at school for kids who are bullied.

I’m helping new members join

The group that burned down the school orchestra hall went up in flames with it..

..I have no symphony for them.

Which fruit always comes in groups of 2?

Pears

3 people are kidnapped by a group of terrorists

The terrorists are about to kill them but decide to give them the choice between a quick bullet to the head or getting infected with AIDS.

The first two pick the bullet to the head but the last guy chooses to get injected with AIDS through a syringe.

Once the injection is done, the g...

On the snowy mountains of eastern Asia, there live a secluded group of monks

Bi-weekly the head monk teaches a class of young monks the way of their order. One particular class began with the head monk explaining that while the world is full of hidden meaning, objects are nothing but themselves, and thus meaningless. The head monk said 'you see children, this vase I hold is ...

A group of guys were playing a round of golf..

After 9 holes they stopped to have a cigar. So one of the guys opens his golf bag and pulls out 2 cigars and a great big lighter.

His friend asks him "Hey, where did you get such a big lighter?"

He responds "From my magic genie, of course!"

Of course his friend doesn't believe...

When I die, I want my group project members to lower me into my grave.

That way they can let me down one last time.

I wanted to hire a singing group for a wedding

So I called an event planning company (EPC) and asked them about the rates.

Me - How much to hire a singing group?
EPC - Oh, you mean a choir?
Me - Uhhhhh fine, how much to acquire a singing group ?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear about that group of women suing their plastic surgeon for faulty butt implants? Apparently their cheeks wont stop smacking together now...

It's a real ass claption lawsuit.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a group of homosexual lions?

...a gay pride.

I was banned from being a Scout leader after a baking mishap on a joint group weekend camping trip.

I fudged a Brownie.

What do you call the area where a group of French cats talk?

A chatroom

There was a group of troubled teenagers bored in a small town.

There was a group of troubled teenagers who were bored in a small town. They egged their neighbor's house, TPed the one down the road, and just generally caused mischief but they were running out of original ideas to keep it fresh.

One of them decided to go down to the expressway overpass and...

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There was a group of terrorists

And one guy wanted to know how many of them believed in ghosts. He asks the group and everyone raises their hands.
"Hmm, alright, how many people have seen a ghost?" A couple hands go down.
"How many have spoken to one?" More hands go down.
"How many of you guys have touched a ghost?" Som...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A group of men go up into the mountains to go bear hunting.

The first morning, Bill goes out on his own. He comes to a clearing on a hill overlooking a field and sees a bear slowly strolling across the field. He gets the bear in his sights and fires. He then looks all around, but he can't find the bear.



All of a sudden, he feels a tap on his ...

I'm hiring a group of time travellers to come on an epic mission to fight crime across the 4th dimension.

If you're interested, interview was yesterday

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.

"You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana."

"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!" <...

I once saw a fight where a group of 4 people were beating up an old lady. Due to my fighting experience I didn’t hestitate for a second to help.

She didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.

Group work can be tough...

I'm taking European history for a 'social studies' credit. Closer to the end of the semester we had a group project and my group ended up with the united kingdom as our topic. Almost immediately we ran into problems though because everyone was against group work and organizing this was growing ever ...

What do you call that friend who will always seize the opportunity to run a Dungeons & Dragons game for your group?

A Carpe D.M

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three men get lost in the forest and are found by a group of cannibals

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits....

The R&B group En Vogue walks into a bar...

The bartender gasps and says to them—

You know what? Never mind. You’re never gonna get it.

What rock group has four men that don't sing?

Mount Rushmore.