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A priest is walking to his church when he passes a group of prostitutes.

One of them yells out “$20 for a blowjob, Father!” The priest puts his head down and speed walks the rest of the way. When he arrives at the church he nervously approaches one of the nuns and asks her “Sister, what’s a blowjob?” She tells him “$20, Same as downtown”

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A group of kindergarteners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade.

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.

“You need to use ‘big people’ words,” she’d always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.

“I went to visit my Nana.”

“No, you went to visit your Grandmother. Use big people word...

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A Group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where
they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet
at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses were attractive.
The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years ...

I told a Coronavirus joke to a group of people

Everyone eventually got it, but the Chinese guy, he got it right off the bat.

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What do you get when you fuck a group of musicians?

Band aids

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I didn’t know what to wear to my premature ejaculation support group

So I just came in my pants.

Why do teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups?

Because they can’t even.

(Best delivered with sass and an eye roll).

What rock group has 4 members that can't sing?

Mount Rushmore

Why do teenage girls hang out groups with an odd number of people?

Because they can't even.

A group of blonde girls overhear a guy saying that all blondes are dumb

So one of the girls says: "no we're not, we'll prove it!"

The guy: "Ok what's 3 + 2?"

One of the blondes: "7"

After a short silence the rest of the blondes start asking for a second chance.

The guy: "ok you get a second chance, what's 2+4?"

One of the blondes: "6"<...

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A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children...

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children...

"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mo...

What’s a group of chubby newborns called?

Heavy infantry

Last year, I joined a support group for procastinators

We haven’t met yet

I was assaulted by a group of mimes.

They did unspeakable things to me.

A group of scientists start a band. What's it called?

Ion Maiden

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A group of vaping college students is called a smog.

A group of vaping middle school students is called down to the principal’s office.

What do you call a group of Karens?

A complaint

How do you get a group of emo kids to change a light bulb?

You don't, you just let them sit and cry in the dark.

Lads if you are bored! Phone up women's rights groups...

And ask to speak to the man in charge.

Met a lovely woman at my arthritis support group last night.

We clicked together.

Fun fact! a group of crows is called a murder!

cops*

Why was a group of lemurs framed for organized crime within seconds?

They were a conspiracy.

A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting for a particularly slow group of golfers one morning

The engineer was pretty angry:
"What about them? We have to wait here for 15 minutes!"
The doctor agrees:
"I don't know, but I've never seen such an inability!"
The pastor said:
"Hey, here comes the groundsman. Let's talk to him! Hey, George, what about this one?
The group in fr...

The CEO of a hardware company calls in his top ad man and tells him, "We need a new TV spot for our B&Q Nails line."

A week later, the ad man comes back with a videotape and pops it into the VCR in the CEO's office. The commercial starts and the CEO sees Jesus being nailed to the cross while a voice over says, "B&Q nails: they get the job done." The CEO is irritated and says, "That is completely unacceptable! ...

It is now recommended that high risk groups take mud baths when infected with COVID-19.

It won't save you, but it will help you get used to the feeling of the dirt.

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Three men are captured by a group of Cannibals.

The men are tied up and brought before leader of the cannibals. The leader says to the men "My people are hungry, but I will let you make your case. Then I will decide your fate."

The first man, hair slicked back and dressed in an expensive suit, begins, "I am very wealthy, and I have founded...

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A group of prisoners is in their rehabilitation meeting.

Their task for the day is to each stand up in turn, speak his name and admit to his fellow inmates what crime he has committed.

The first prisoner stands and says, "My name is Daniel and I’m in for murder!" Everyone gives him approving look and pats him on the back for admitting his wrongdoi...

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.

I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could do any harm

Why do cops always walk in groups of 3?

One knows how to read, one knows how to write and the third is protecting the two scientists.

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A group of scientists was doing an experiment involving the bacteria in feces. They asked for donations of fecal matter from the public...

...but nobody gave a crap

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What's the best name for the groups of armed anti-stay-at-home protesters?

Vanilla Isis

Flu Klux Klan

Lack Panthers

HamAss

Meal Team Six

Gravy Seals

Irrational Guard

Y'all Qaeda

Branch Covidians

Boko Moron

The Coughedaracy

101st Chairborne

Cosplaytriots

The Yeehadis

Hogan's Ze...

A group of elderly couples are at a dinner party,

and after the meal the men and women move into different rooms. In the men’s group, Steve is talking about a fantastic Italian restaurant he and his wife like to go to. Intrigued, John asks for the name of the place.

“My memory is not as good as it used to be.”, Steve replies. “What is the n...

It is being reported that black and ethnic minority groups are at higher risk to Coronavirus

As if this virus wasn't bad enough, it turns out it is racist too.

A group of snails were tired of the stereotypes of being slow.

So they decided to enter an auto race. Instead of a number on the side of the car, they painted a large 'S' on it, for snail.


When they started racing, they were easily the fastest car out there, lapping all the other cars every few minutes.


The spectators marveled "Wow, look ...

A priest was talking to a group of kids about "being good" and going to heaven.

At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"

"Heaven! Heaven!" Yelled Little Lisa.

"And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the priest.

"Dead!" Yelled Little Johnny.

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A group of four lifelong hunters decided to end their careers in the best way possible.

They'd taken down the most dangerous game to be found, all over the world. From saltwater gators, to bull elephants. They were renowned worldwide for having bagged a giant squid some few years back, but they were getting on in age and knew that they'd be unable to keep up with the youngsters before ...

If you ever see a group of four cheerful men from Ghana...

...you're probably a goner.

Did you hear about the prison that grouped its inmates based on if they were dominant or submissive?

They had the place sorted top to bottom.

I once saw a group of Communists.

They were playing Soviet Russian Roulette. It's like regular Russian Roulette, except that everyone dies equally.

What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut?

A barbercue.

The seven dwarfs have now been told that they can meet in groups of six

One of them isn’t happy.

I invited my erectile dysfunction support group over for a BBQ...

Nobody came.

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A group of fighters from the Roman Colosseum were hired out to rich Romans as prostitutes. One so impressed an influential Roman noble with his oral skills that she began to work on getting him freed.

In the end he was gladiator.

What do you call a group of 3 finned whales that never gives up and are difficult to knock over??

A tri-pod

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So the Hacker group Anonymous just declared war on ISIS and Al-Queida

Quite ironic that terrorists will be killed by 72 virgins.

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I heard there’s been a lot of jokes in our premature ejaculation support group lately.

But when I came, everyone just shut up.

Marine biologists have discovered a group of killer whales that regularly meets and plays music together.

They call it an orca-stra.

Man: "Can you tell me how much it is to rent a church singing group?

Priest: "My son, do you mean a choir?"

Man: Sure, Father, sure. Can you tell me how much it is to acquire a church singing group?"

I'm attending a self-help group for compulsive talkers.

It's called On and On Anon.

I was out shopping with the wife the other day when i saw a group of young ladies all wearing mini skirts.

I said, "Ooh look at those legs, I bet you wish you had legs like them?"
She didn't answer, but I think it upset her because I heard her sniffle as I wheeled her up the ramp into the next store

Q: Why do KGB agents operate in groups of three?

A: One can read, one can write, and the third keeps an eye on those two intellectuals.

A group of guys were playing a round of golf..

After 9 holes they stopped to have a cigar. So one of the guys opens his golf bag and pulls out 2 cigars and a great big lighter.

His friend asks him "Hey, where did you get such a big lighter?"

He responds "From my magic genie, of course!"

Of course his friend doesn't believe...

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What do you call a group of depressed virgins

Redditors

Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?

Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.

If you're attacked by a group of clowns...

Go for the juggler.

What’s the male version of a Karen called?

I don’t know but a group of them is called a Senate.

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A group of protesters have been using catapults to launch cow dung at recently erected wind turbines

They've missed every shot so far, but I have a feeling that if they manage to topple one it will be big news, and we'll all remember this day, saying,

"Where were you when the shit hit the fan?"

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A group of 100 people dressed up as Vikings, promoting the new exhibition at the Smithsonian, was seen parading in front of the White House today.

Famously uncivilised, destructive and rapacious, with an almost insatiable appetite for rough sex and heavy drinking, the US Senators nonetheless came out to watch the parade.

I was walking in park. I had an asthmatic attack. A group of asthmatics attacked me.

I should have heard them coming.

I really like this group...

But does anyone else find it weird that we have to send weekly nudes to the administrators?

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A group of bandit attacked a village

They put all woman and man in line and said if a woman can recognize her husband's penis blindly,they ll let them go. First woman started touching. Not this, not this, this one! And bandits let them go. Other woman starts, not this, not this, this one! And bandits let them go. Later bandit leader g...

A group of dogs is called a pack. But What is a group of science dogs called?

A hypawthesis.

Welcome back to the plastic surgery addicts support group

I'm seeing a lot of new faces here and I must say I'm very disappointed...

A group of youths are smoking outside my house. It's a bit intimidating. Perhaps I'll call the police.

Or just move my cardboard box to somewhere else.

My mom just posted in our family group: "It's our fat ones birthday today!"

She is referring to our cat.

10 minutes later, I get a message from my dad: "Happy birthday kid."

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A young teenage girl was making a living as a prostitute

and for obvious reasons she kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but littl...

I joined a naked wolf hunting group.

But it turns out only the wolf is naked.

COP: Where were you the night of the murder?

CROW: I was with a group of friends

COP: What would you call that group?

CROW: …I want a lawyer

A group of canned vegetables were sitting on a shelf

and one of them was twisting around and checking himself out.
"Hey!" He cried proudly. "I'm one hundred percent corn, nothing else!"
Some fancy new can of Brussels sprouts swiveled to look at him. "But who cares? You're just corn." He said witheringly.
"Well I'm not corn. I'm heirloom...

What do you call an emo accapello group?

Self Harmony

What do you call a group of 8 hobbits ?

>!A hob-byte!<

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What’s the dress code at premature ejaculation support groups?

Come as you are

Hey, what do you call a group of transvestite women?

Ex-Men

What do you call a group of disabled people in a hot tub?

Vegetable soup.

A group of mountain climbers all contract Coronavirus, but are strangely unable to infect anybody else.

This is because scalars aren't vectors.

What do you call a group of Karen’s like the ones protesting lockdowns?

A Covid of Karens.

"I need help with a crossword," I told my wife. "Six letters, a group of people with common ancestry."

She said, "Tribal."


I said, "No, that's only four letters."

A group of students are doing their end-of-year exams.

The old beady-eyed moderator in charge of the classroom stared towards the clock at the end of the room as the students furiously scribbled down the remainder of their answers, knowing that time was almost up.

Minutes later, the clock struck a new hour and the exam was over.

“YOUR TIM...

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I invited my premature-ejaculation support group over to my house for dinner...

...but they came a lot earier than expected, typical!

What do you call a furry hip hop group?

The Uwu-Tang Clan

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The Sexual dysfunction group is having a special meeting for the non orgasmic.

Let me know if you can't come.

Hey Redditors, how do you address a group of imbeciles?

Oh wait, I told that out of order.

How do you address a group of imbeciles?

I went to the gym to workout, and a group of buff guys walked past me and called me a fat loser.

Technically they were right, because I lost a lot of fat.

What do you call the reception area for the advocacy group that represents a major craft store chain?

The Hobby Lobby Lobby Lobby

There's a group of people who say they for years they've adored these three sunflowers growing together...

...and then three sunflowers which looked the same and just as beautiful were planted next to them but did not grow very tall. Purely because of this, the people insisted and raged that the new sunflowers were an abomination that totally destroyed the beauty and awe of the three tall sunflowers perm...

A group of friends decide to use an Ouija board

So they set up and start asking questions.

“Is there anyone here?”

The planchette moves to yes.

“How did you die?”

The planchette spells out a sentence.

I-W-A-S-K-I-S-S-E-D.

The friends look at each other, confused. “You were... kissed?!”

The planchet...

The recommendation to self-isolate by governments feels like we were all given a group project and so far the progress seems similar to a typical group project.

The minority is doing most of the work while everyone else does whatever they want.

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What do you call a group of dogs having sex?

A Corgy!

If a group of dolphins is called a pod and a group of crows is called a murder, what is a group of small children called?

Annoying

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I met a group of Scottish neo-nazis.

They call themselves the Heilanders.

They say one friend out of every group has the potential to be a serial killer

So I threw Dave off a cliff just in case it was him

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How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and...

Did you know a group of piranhas can devour a child in 30 seconds?

Anyway I lost my job at the aquarium today.

A little British boy raises his hand to ask his teacher a question

"Miss, My mother says freedom is the most beautiful thing in the world. What does freedom mean?"

The teacher seeing the importance of this question for the sweet, innocent child, thinks quickly about how best to respond.

She smiles sweetly and says "Why don't you come up and tell the c...

A group of 6 Irish professors and researchers walk into a bar one night...

They have a good old-time drinking, discussing theory, students and their mistakes, current research ideas, and anything and everything in between.

One researcher, who appears to be the leader of this group, orders a round of drinks for everyone and introduces himself to the barkeep as Arthu...

A group of cannibals were picking fights at me today.

Guess they all wanted a piece of me.

What do you need to form a K-Pop group?

Plastic mold.

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The giant monster cannibal was eating a large amount of people, he asked why he started feeling sleepy after eating a group of women who were out drinking. He asked his other giant monster eater friend why he felt sleepy

He said, “because that’s a bar bitch you ate.”

A group of dyslexic men form a soccer team

When they got down to the name of their team they went with "Dyslexia untied"

What does Richard Curtis have in common with a group of 30 people?

They make up Four Weddings and a Funeral

What do COVID-19 and telling a joke to a group of blondes have in common?

It may take a while but eventually everyone will get it

I was driving home the other day, when suddenly a group of robbers jumped in and stole everything.

They were pirates of the car I be in.

I started a group for people who talk too much

I call it On and on Anon

A group of vegan activists told me that people who sell meat are gross

I told them people who sell fruit & veg are grocer

The CDC needs volunteers for the control group to test a new antidote for children.

Any antivaxxers have kids they can part with?

My daughter says she now identifies as a small group of words that have a collective meaning

Should I be worried, or is it just a phrase?

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A family councilor was having a group discussion with several parents and their children.

Councilor: You, parents, have named your kids after something you greatly value.

Parent 1: Oh, so I named my daughter Shelby because I like cars?

Councilor: Yes, that's the right idea.

Parent 2: And I named my girl Ruby because I love jewelry!

Councilor: That's correct....

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A group of...

A group of sperm cells in a guys balls are getting ready for their big moment. They all talk about racing to the egg, who will be first, how to get in, etc. But while all the sperm are talking, one sperm cell by the name of Matt instead of chatting is busy working out. He's doing sprints, push ups...

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CAN ADMINS OF THIS GROUP DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?!

WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY WOMAN. SHE'S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES. SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 8+ IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE...

Why do sorority girls walk in groups of 3 or 5?

Because they 'can't even'!

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