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Why do Canadian women use a hockey puck instead of tampons?

Cuz they last for three periods.

(I am truly sorry)

What's the difference between a hippie and a hockey player

A hockey player takes a shower after 3 periods

A reporter is talking to a 17 year old hockey player

The reporter is asking the kid questions and the coach walks by and says “tell them what you know kid it won’t take very long.” The kid looks back at the coach and says, “ I’ll tell them what we both know it won’t take any longer.”

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My sex life is like the end of a hockey game

If there are no more periods, it’s over.

I wanted to buy a hockey stadium.

But unfortunately my realtor could only give me a ballpark estimate.

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What position would Hitler play in Hockey?

Reich Wing

Recently found out that Stan Lee was an exceptional hockey player.

His very first practice and he already had the Stanley Cup..

What would the greatest hockey player in history be called if he would have chosen not to play hockey?

Wayne Regretzky

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The coach grimaced as he watched his young ice hockey team. At one point during the game, he called one of his 7-year-old players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded affirmatively...

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded once more.

"So..." the coach continued. "I'm sure you know that when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-...

Why isn't Jesus good at playing hockey?

He's always getting nailed to the boards.

Hockey players are like goldfish

The way we get their attention is to tap on the glass

Hockey Joke

Why did the refs stop play in the Washington Capitals game?

Kuznetsov.

Why doesn't Jesus play hockey, eh?

He's too hung up on lacrosse.

Two Nuns with Hockey Sticks

Two nuns walking down the street, swinging hockey sticks.

One looks at the other, saying, "What we need is a good hard puck!"

I watched hockey before it was cool.

They basically were swimming.

Why don’t they allow people with leprosy to play hockey?

There’s already too many faceoffs

How many teeth does a hockey player have?

Don’t you mean tooth?

Putin scored eight goals in that exhibition hockey game. Apparently he has an incredible slap shot...

... if you don't let him score, he slaps you and then shoots you.

Did you know R Kelly had a chance to be a professional Hockey player.

Only problem was he never wanted to score after the first period.

Why do Canadians always beat Germans at hockey?

Canadians bring their 'eh' game; Germans bring their wurst.

Why do hockey rinks have rounded corners?

Because if they were 90 degrees, the ice would melt.

What do female heroin addicts and hockey players have in common?

They both finally change clothes after three periods.

Why did the boy climb up the tree with a hockey stick

Cause he wanted to join the maple leafs,

Did you hear about the hockey player who became a surgeon?

He specialized in bury-hat-trick surgery.

A Dumb Blonde Goes Ice Fishing

A dumb blonde goes ice fishing.

The dumb blonde finds a good spot on the ice, cuts a whole in it and begins fishing.

Suddenly a loud voice from up above says "There are no fish here!"

The dumb blonde gets startled and decides to move to a new spot on the ice. The dumb blonde cu...

Promotion

Boss: Congratulations! I'm promoting you to manage our Montreal office!


Young man (disappointed): But sir! There's nothing up there but bar girls and hockey players.


Boss (now insulted): I'll have you know that MY MOTHER is from Montreal!


Young man (think...

What's the difference between a hockey puck made of Styrofoam and bestiality?

One of them is a phony puck...

Leper Jokes

Why did they stop the leper football game? There was a hand off at the fifty yard-line.



Why did they stop the leper hockey game? There was a face off in the corner.



Why did they stop the leper baseball game? Somebody dropped a ball in left field.



(I us...

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the toronto maple leafs were so bad at hockey the...

organization decided, 'ya know what, we got this group of guys here. great with their hands. lets just fuckin open a chain of pizzerias'.

Brilliant, I happened to be living in toronto at the time and wanted some za, called them for a plain cheez. & they couldnt deliver.

What do you call a hockey player in a leaky barn?

Grain Wetzsky

My Girlfriend was really athletic

After all she was on the jv wrestling team, on the football team, and hockey goalie.

Why didn't Jesus play hockey?

Because soccer and baseball are much more popular in Mexico.

Hockey fans, you know what I mean.

It is Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there.

“No” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.”

“This is incredi...

My friend and I visited Canada for the first time...

We went to a fight, and a hockey game broke out.

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