I tried to organize a hide and seek tournament.

But good players are hard to find.

Tiger woods got in an accident the same reason he lost his last tournament

Because of his terrible driving

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their tournament victories

After an hour, the manager came out and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

I can't wait for the official jokes tournament this year.

It's going to be pun on a bun!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Emma Watson decided to quit acting to become a professional gambler. She entered her first craps tournament full of optimism.

At the start of the first round, Emma started undressing. "Why are you undressing?" asked one of her opponents. "I like to play craps completely in the nude," replied Emma.

As soon as Emma had removed the last shred of clothing, she made her bet. Then the dice were rolled. Emma watched as the...

What trophy do octopuses win as the grand prize in the cephalopod racing tournament?

The Suction Cup

Danny kicked his way to the karate tournament title without throwing a single punch

Turns out he's a master of partial arts

My son’s team won the soccer tournament, so the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party afterwards.

It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.

When does Sean Connery arrive to watch the Wimbledon tournament?

Around ten-ish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the tennis tournament that forced its players to masturbate to determine who gets the ball?

First cum, first serve.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

4 Men at a bar discuss the most difficult sport to play. The first man, wide as a dishwasher and having huge muscles all over, says

“I’m a football player, it’s the hardest sport in the world to play! You’ve gotta be in top physical condition and have excellent situational awareness.”

The second man, an older gentleman wearing a collared shirt, says “Sorry champ, but the actual hardest sport to play is golf. Every swing o...

It was my first time attending a beyblade tournament

"Let it rip" didn't mean what I think it meant

I won my poker tournament last night with the five of clubs and the five of spades.

Black fives matter.

What's the best way to watch a Fly Fishing tournament ?

Live stream

An Australian goes to a chess tournament

When he was about to lose his first game, his opponent looked up, smiled and said: *checkmate*.

The Australian replied back in confusion: *But mate.. I didn't order anything!*

I traveled to London this year to take part in Europe's largest chess tournament and was destroyed in the first round by this European guy with an odd accent. I waited until the end of the game to ask him about where he was from and what kind of accent he had...

He responded: "Czech, mate!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three disabled swimmers are competing in one tournament

First does not have legs, judges is asking him how he is going to swim he answers "You will see" and he is thrown into the water. He finishes the race using only his arms.
Second one does not have arms, again judge asks him how he is going to do it, he replies "You will see". He is jumps in to t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the fertility clinic today...

The nurse asked if I'd like to masturbate in the cup...

I said, "I'm good but I'm not ready to compete in a tournament yet"

How did Eddie Money get himself and a friend into the backgammon tournament?

Two tickets, two pair of dice.



Note: I looked through my old posts and can't believe only 4 people thought the original version of this was funny. I'm trying again with an edited version.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An international chess tournament is being held in a swank hotel in New York.

However, due to a conflicting convention the tables have been set up in the lobby. Everyone who is anyone in the world of chess is there. After a grueling 4 hours of chess, there is still no winner. In the lobby, the players get into a big argument about who is the brightest, the fastest, and the be...

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead all join a tournament.

They are allowed to bring any weapon they choose, and the only rule is that the first person to draw blood wins.

The brunette walks in with a badass double edged axe,

the redhead walks in with a huge longsword,

and the blonde shows up with a red marker.

So the Devil goes to God and says "We're having a basketball tournament."

Then God says "Hold up, give me one second."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A golfer and his caddy went to Japan for a tournament

The caddy went out to a brothel one night, and for the entire night, the hooker he was with screamed “YAMAKOTO, YAMAKOTO!”. The caddy, not knowing Japanese, assumed that the hooker was praising him.
The next day was the big tournament. The golfer scores a hole in one, and the entire crowd shouted...

At a fencing tournament, two people are sitting and watching the fight take place.

One of the spectators had spent her whole life devoting herself to the craft, and would have entered the tournament had she not retired a few years ago. The other, simply a fan who thinks swords are cool, having no real understanding of the sport. The fencer on the left side was playing very aggress...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This one is for my chess friends...

Two chess masters are friends for many years and one of them dies.

After a week he shows up in the others dream and he tells him that he has news, good ones and bad ones.

The guy is ecstatic about seeing his friend, and asks what the news were.

He answers: It is wonderful up he...

A stupid knight won a jousting tournament.

While awarding his prize, the king had to ask, "How does such a dumb man win a contest like this one?"

The squire answered, "All the points just go over his head."

My Dad is a hardcore racist

He has won 7 tournaments and does the best drifting

A poker player wins one million dollars first price in a tournament

Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! If you don't mind me asking, how will you spend you $1 million winnings?

Poker player: I owe some people some money so I will be paying my debt to these guys.

Interviewer: and what about the rest?

Poker player: Well... I guess they'll ha...

What do you call someone who lost her Marital arts tournament?

Divorced.

A man is caught cheating in a Limbo tournament.

The organizer, hurt and dissapointed, asks him: "How low can you go?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The results from hell's annual evil dictators golf tournament:

Kim Jong Il took the win with no less than 7 aces, Stalin came a surprising second despite having borrowed Franz Ferdinand's driver, and chairman Mao's strategy of shooting for birdies proved quite disasterous, just barely scraping past Hitler who, as usual, spent most of the day in the bunker.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American golfer is asked to compete in a tournament in Japan

As soon as he gets there he starts partying as he has a few days to spare until the tournament begins. He starts dancing with an absolutely stunning Japanese girl and decides that despite the fact she speaks no English at all he's going to try and get her to sleep with him, they start kissing as the...

A Roman Famine

Long ago in Ancient Rome, there was a great famine all across the land. As food became ever more scarce many people found themselves tightening their belts to get by. And inevitably, a man was taken to court for the crime of having committed cannibalism against his wife.

Due to the horrific n...

Entered an erection tournament the other day

the competition was stiff

Got disqualified from a quiz tournament last night

We were called Quizlamic State

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man reportedly knocked over a chess table during a tournament using his penis.

People are saying it was a real dick move.

A French internet cafe had to cancel a CS:GO tournament it was supposed to host, after someone stole all the baked goods.

The gamers said the baguette loss was intolerable.

Why will the columbine high basket ball team lose the tournament?

Because they lost their 2 best shooters

What did the chess grandmaster do when the big tournament was stressing him out?

He took the knight off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A friend from work asked if I wanted a chess tournament

I said yes but then he tried to sell me a sculpture of a woman’s tits

what do you call a fencing tournament held on a nuclear submersible?

A sub full of ripostes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I entered a blindfolded masturbation tournament.

No idea where I came.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tiger Woods and Bill Clinton are playing at a charity golf tournament.

Bill sees Tiger at the urinals and peeks down to see that Tiger is very well endowed.


"Tiger, what is your secret?" Bill asks.

Tiger responds: "It's really simple. Every night before I get in bed I whack my dick against my bedpost 3 times. It's been working for me for years!"
...

The Christmas Chess Tournament

The chess tournament during the Christmas season was pretty well attended, and the players were having a great time. After each pair finished their game, they would go back over it, sometimes involving others and spectators to discuss moves made and moves that should have been made, and the winners ...

A chess player was travelling abroad for a tournament

He managed to find a room at a small hotel. Upon entering the room, he immediately knew something was wrong and briskly made his way back to reception.

"Is something wrong?" the receptionist asked, startled by the man's disgruntled demeanour.

The man exclaimed "I thought I paid for ro...

Basketball tournament

Two priests joined up together to play one-on-one basketball. After the game was over, one of the priests says: "I wonder if there is basketball in heaven"

The other says "of course there is, heaven is a place of joy and since we both find joy in playing basketball it must be in heaven"
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After completing a celebrity pro-am golf tournament, Jackie Chan walks into the clubhouse bar...

As he makes his way through the crowd of professional golfers and lesser celebrities, he mentions to his playing partner, Phil Mickelson, that he makes a point of playing as many pro-ams as he can throughout the year because “it gives him a chance to network with other celebrities.”

At that v...

[NSFW] A knight won a jousting tournament

The princess hosting the tournament said "For winning the joust, I shall reward you according to how your name sounds"

The knight replied "Are you sure milady?"

The princess answered "Of course! The previous winner, Silvers Crowne was granted a silver crown like what his name sounds. N...

He walks through the midday heat, an occasional shot clips through the trees overhead.

He and many men like him question their logic to sign up. They could be home, spending time with their families but instead they are outside, dehydrated, fighting a battle they probably won't win. Their frustration mounts as they realize it's nothing at all like all the games they played as kids. ...

There isn't enough recognition for the farmer who used his barren field to host the first Bovine Boxing tournament

He gave up an awful lot to see some bulls hit.

Golfers always bring two pairs of pants to tournaments

Just in case they get a hole in one.

A man enters a golfing tournament...

... but he is terrible at golf. However, an evil leprechaun lives at the golf course. He says to the man,
"I see you are terrible at golf, but I can help you win the tournament, if you agree to never marry."
The man agrees.

After he wins the tournament, the leprechaun asks for his name....

Why does USA have hard time competing in chess tournaments?

They are missing two towers

An amateur golfer playing in his first tournament

was delighted when a beautiful girl came up to him after the round and suggested he come over for a while. The fellow was a bit embarrassed to explain that he really couldn't stay all night but that he'd be glad to come over for a while. Twenty minutes later they were in he bed making love. When ...

Why did Tiger Woods stop winning golf tournaments?

Because he stopped cheating

Top 20 worst jokes ever !!!!

The 20 Worst Jokes Ever!

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
You, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why couldn't the vaginas participate in the golf tournament?

Because they weren't members.

Two men are playing Super Smash Bros. Ultimate

Two men, one called X and the other called Y, are playing Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. They've invited some friends, A, B, C and Z, over for a tournament.

Z is the last to arrive, but he's brought whiskey so he's all good. After they've all had a shot of whiskey, they start the tournament. A c...

There was once a land, far away, and many years ago, that had three kingdoms around a triangular lake.

There was once a land far away and many years ago that had three kingdoms around a triangular lake. They often warred and casualties were fierce. So they agreed to hold a tournament of all their champions on an island in the middle of the lake. The first being rich and influential sent twenty Knight...

The college basketball team at Indiana University had just finished their worst season in school history.

The head coach, Bob, knew the team needed a different approach next year.

In the off season, Bob was driving around town when he saw a panhandler at a stoplight, and realized that this panhandler was around college age, and looked close to 7 feet tall. Bob stopped his car to talk to him and ...

In Celebration of my Cake Day, here's a terrible joke: the Olympic Swimmer and his Son

Michael was a famous Olympic Swimmer. Recently retired, it was his dream to continue his legacy by teaching his son the art of swimming. They had practiced for years, and when Michael's son was ready, he was entered into his first ever tournament.

The first round was easy. After all, t...

The Annual Urology vs Proctology Basketball Tournament ended predictably...

Urology is #1

Proctology is #2

A monk decides to take up the art of swordplay.

Taking some time off from the Buddhist monastery, he trains with his fencing teacher, learning all the positions, attacks and defenses, and generally becomes fairly proficient at the sport. His teacher encourages him to take up the competition circuit, as there is little left she can teach the monk....

I used my knife to conserve ammo...

the rest of the paintball tournament were horrified

Oscar Chavez was a great fencer

He won many tournaments until he entered the r/jokes fencing tournament.

He used his usual aggressive thrusts, but only his opponents quick parries would score points.

Enraged, he asked the judges why he lost without scoring any points.

"I'm sorry, but this is r/jokes, OC alwa...

American Indian female wrestling

A tribe of Native Americans generally referred to their woman by the animal hide with which they made their blanket. Thus, one woman might be known as Squaw of Buffalo Hide, while another might be known as Squaw of Deer Hide. This tribe had a particularly large and strong woman, with a very unique...

Two bowling teams, one made up of all blondes and the other one of all brunettes...

reserve a double-decker bus for a weekend tournament.

The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus and the blonde team rides on the top level.

The brunette team down below is whooping it up and having a great time when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blond...

A poem on Timbuktu

A writer and a student were in the finals of a poem tournament and were both given 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu. The writer was up first and he goes:

“On the lonely desert sands,
crossed a lonely caravan,
men on camels two by two,
destination Timbuktu.”
<...

After I won the game, I decided to throw the ball into the crowd just like they do on TV.

Now I’m permanently banned from the bowling tournament.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prison Fun

Bob the stockbroker was convicted of insider trading and sent to federal prison.
He was housed with a big, tough bank robber named Jesse.

Walking into his shared cell for the first time Bob was understandably nervous.

“ Hello there, welcome to your new home” said Jesse holding ou...

A star bingo player goes to the doctor

At one of his bingo tournaments, someone pointed out a dark spot on his neck. The bingo player was worried about this new mole growing on his body, thinking that it could be cancerous.

Bingo player: What do you think of the mole? Should i be worried?

Doctor: B9

I've just walked past our local community centre and I could clearly hear these board-game enthusiasts...

...all stood in the porchway bragging endlessly about their various tournament accomplishments.

You might think that sounds like it would have been pretty annoying for me, but infact...





I rather like the sound of chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Golf in Japan

An American golfer went to Japan for a tournament. The night before he met a woman, and although neither spoke a word of the other’s language, he managed to get the point across. They got into bed and when he stuck it in her she yelled something in Japanese which he took to me she was in ecstasy. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chung Hoi

A famous American golfer is invited to go to China for a golfing tournament.
From the second he gets there, he is treated like a king.
He is given five-star treatment in a five-star hotel until the day of the tournament.
The night before the tournament, he is sitting in his hotel room wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Family First (original joke)

Mr. Scott Lood was a poor little farmer from Illinois who paid the bills by churning butter all day and all night. He came from a family of dairy farmers: his father was a cream maker, and his father before him a cheese maker. There was little money to be made in this line of work- so little in fact...

I like to eat chips

But the last time I was eating chips, I got thrown out of the Poker tournament :(

Three men discover they have each been the victim of a shipwreck at some point in their past.

Three men are talking about their brushes with disaster, and by a stunning coincidence they find that all three of them have, at some point in their lives, been shipwrecked and stranded with the other survivors on a deserted island. They begin to detail their experiences.

"The hardest part wa...

A businessman is spending Christmas in a hotel for a meeting.

As it happens, the city he’s visiting is host to the world’s largest chess tournament, and most of the competitors are staying in the same hotel.

The businessman doesn’t really interact with the chess players during his stay, since his meeting is on another floor. But one morning he comes do...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man out golfing meets a leprechaun [Long]

One Saturday afternoon in Ireland, a man is playing a round of golf on his local public course. As he approaches the eighth hole, he hits the ball and slices it pretty hard to the right. Grumbling, he walks out, deep past the weeds and into the tall grass of the surrounding forest, where he stumbles...

The Russian Pretzel

An American wrestler was invited to a tournament in Russia a few years ago.

In his weight class there was a Russian wrestler known for his use of the Russian pretzel to pin his opponents.

Fortunately for the American, he wouldn't have to to face this menacing force until the champion...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My fencing trophy

I recently placed 11th at a local fencing tournament. I got a participation award.
When I came home my wife asked me if I got a trophy
I said "Sword-of"

Just another round of Union negotiations . .

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract’s sick-leave provisions.

One morning at the bargaining table, the company’s chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, “T...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.