My father almost joined the Berlin Wall Brigade but couldn't because he broke his arm

That was a lucky break

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How to give your cat a pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
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Guru and student

A guy highly devotional to his guru buys a house. He goes to his guru to get a suitable name for his house.

Guru: My son, Name your house with the first thing you see tomorrow morning.

He wakes up next day morning and sees the ass of his toddler.

He names his house as 'Ass'...

What would you call the tiki torch brigade in Charlottesville if they formed a band?

Vanilla Isis

Did you hear about the Spanish Fire Brigade

jose and hose b

One dark night in Dublin, a fire started inside the local chemical plant . . .

In a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the...

Alan Loved his tractors

Alan has been a fan of tractors since he was a young boy. He grew up on a farm and was obsessed with the giant machines. He ate, slept and drank tractors, his room was covered with posters of them, bed sheets, t-shirts, the whole works.

He met a girl, fell in love and eventually got married....

Barry worked on a farm

He was absolutely obsessed with farm machinery, particularly tractors. He loved working on them, driving them, ploughing with them, and at the end of the day cleaning them.

His room was filled with tractor posters, he often completed puzzles of tractors, built and painted small model tractors...

What do you call a marine with an IQ of 160?

A Brigade.

My uncle always used to say "Fight fire with fire"

That's probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade

A young boy who was a fan of tractors

There once was a young boi who loved tractors as he worked on his fathers farm. They had a green one, a blue one, a red, nearly every colour if tractor, big and small.

But one day as the boy was working with his father in the field. His father fell from the green tractor and was crushed by th...

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My Grandpa was an amazing man

My grandpa left school and was told by his parents, whom could clearly afford it, that if he wanted to study at university he would need to pay his own way. Well he did exactly that and took a role as a mail boy in a merchant bank.

When WW1 broke he was drafted and fought as a officer in the ...

A mathematician was interviewing for a job

A mathematician was interviewing for a job. The interviewer asks him - "You are walking towards your office and running late for a very important meeting and you glimpse a building on fire with people screaming for help. What will you do?".
The mathematician thinks for a while and replies : "Peop...

A child who loved tractors (sorry if it’s a repost, haven’t seen it yet)

There was a young boy born to a family of farmers, his name was Ryan.

From a very early age he was amazed by all the machinery on his farm, but especially the tractors, his father owned four, each unique to their tasks. The large red one for the tonnes of wheat, the slightly smaller green one...

Yo mama so dumb...

...she argues endlessly that Frodo could have just ridden a giant eagle into Mordor and dropped the Ring into Mount Doom from the air, even though all the characters in the book say over and over again that Sauron can SEE EVERYWHERE and that stealth was their only hope of getting anywhere with the R...

What do you call a Mathematician who is an outlaw and a liar?

an outlier

downvote brigade can start now

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Stalin is dead and things have begun to lighten up a bit relatively speaking

An old couple live in an apartment in Moscow and she sends him down to buy some meat for supper. After queueing for the obligatory three hours he gets to the counter and the woman says 'No more meat, meat finished'. He cracks and starts raving 'I fought in the Revolution, I fought for Lenin in the F...

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Two devout Christians are stuck outside their home during a flood...

The water is up to their knees, and the fire brigade in a boat come along, saying

"Come with us, we'll save you!"

The couple say,

"No thank you, God will save us.", and they start praying.

The water is now up to their waist, and the coastguard in a boat come along, saying...

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Gurkhas

The Falklands War had begun. Britain was unprepared, and as she had done so many times in the past, Britain called up her toughest military unit, The Brigade Of Gurkhas. The Brigade commander was called in to Army Headquarters to be briefed on their mission.

"You will need to get your force...

That poor security guard....

A security guard at a factory has two wooden legs.

He was working a night shift once when the factory caught fire.

A spokesman from the fire brigade told the local news crew that
thanks to them arriving on the scene quickly, the factory was saved.

However, the security guard ...

You think das ist a long time?

Obama, Putin and Merkel meet in Hamburg for a private summit, and Merkel decides to break the ice with a nice walk around the lake (Alster).


Obama, admiring the foliage, says "you know, in the States, we have forests so vast, that some military training exercises last as long as 2 years."...

Two brothers in a village

So there were two brothers who lived in a little village with their parents. The older brother had a cat, and what a beautiful cat it was! He loved his cat, absolutely adored it. So one day the older brother's boss told him that he had to go on an assignment to the capital city for the weekend. The ...

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