Division Jokes

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out towards the fence.
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COVID-19 is Airborne

....from now on they will be known simply as the Redskins.

“Because budget cuts, paper”

a guy eagerly asked his recruiter what he could expect from jump school. "Well," the recruiter replied, "it's three weeks long." "What else?" he inquired. "The first week they separate the men from the boys," the recruiter said. "The second week they separate the men from the fools." "And the third ... read more

He quickly devised a test for choosing the most suitable candidate. He simply asked each applicant this question, "What is two plus two?"

The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was, "Twenty-two".

The second was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm v... read more

From over the Hill they heard a Man Shouting . "One Ukrainian Soldier can Defeat 10 Russian Soldiers " . The General Stopped & Sent 10 Russian Soldiers over the Hill . 5 Minutes of Gunfire was heard & then Silence . Couple of minutes Later they heard "One Ukrainian Soldier can Defeat 100 Ru... read more

A rottweiler, a chihuahua, and a cat all die and appear before the Judgment Seat of Heaven. God asks the rottweiler, "Why should you get into Heaven?"

The rottweiler says, "I protected my family for years, and died saving them from a crazed killer."

God says, "Well done, boy. Come si... read more

They claimed it was a factor

The new company will be known as "Genitalia".

To which I replied 'Nothing, they both involve mitosis'

Smelterweight.

A week after having won millions of dollars, Thomas asked "Hey Jeremy, what do we do about the begging letters now we're millionaires?"

"Ah, we keep sending them out and seeing who responds."

The Odor of Operations

Though I am great at biology, cause they’re the same damn thing!

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

For them, division and multiplication are the same thing.

A Russian patrol was going through the woods of Finland when they were wiped out, one by one, by a sniper hidden in the deep firs, who killed the lot, but for one man. "One Finn is better than ten Russians!" He was taunted as he ran away.


He returned to his base, and the platoon commande... read more

The Special Horses.

Multiplication in biology means reproduction, which is microscopically accomplished by cell division.

Ouch, mitosis!

The 2nd Panzer Division.

The Department of Redundancy Department

It helps with division.

Division.

When the Second Division set up shop in South Korea, it did so with its slogan proudly displayed at the front gate: "Second to None". A few months later, a South Korean base opened two miles down the road. The sign greeting visitors read "You are now entering the famed sector of the South Korean ROK... read more

... now have the 4th largest tank division in the world.

It improves division

A new CEO was hired to take over a struggling company. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. “Open these if you run into serious trouble,” he said.

Well, three months later sales and profits were still way down and the new ... read more

but I can't seem to find this *Juan Division* on any streaming service.

Two sister cells were separating during cell division. In the process, one of the cell steps on the other's foot. The other cell yells.... Mitosis!

I've heard a rumor General Electric's aircraft division might be bidding to acquire it.

Supposedly, the new company would be called Gen-Italia.

I think he’s called Juan Division.

Nuclear division.

...is the true source of division.

"You're great at division"

In our house it's really causing division

Mostly long division.

It performs division for multiplication.

It was senior night, I was in the 185 lb weight class and our team desperately needed the points from my bout. The only problem was I up against killer Kenny D from Spartanburg. Dude was going Division 1 and was all state. I didn't think I had a chance against him and his signature pretzel move. Thi... read more

In sub-atomic particle divisions.

General Grant decided to turn one infantry division into a cavalry division and sent the men back to boot camp for additional training.

Johnny was 19 years old and a brave soul, but looking at the rearing, neighing and feisty war horses, he had one concern.

“Excuse me Drill Sergeant!” ... read more

As the outgoing manager gets ready to leave for good, he tells the new manager that he has placed three numbered envelopes in the top drawer of the desk. He tells the new manager that each time he runs into a crisis that he cannot solve to open an envelope, starting with the first one, and follow th... read more

to the President's inquiry, as to what military division has been most under appreciated during his term?

"Tanks, Obama."

Does that mean division is counterproductive?

A girl is doing her homework and her little brother walks in. She asks him for help with a question and he refuses. Angrily she says "Just tell me what the division of two cells is and I won't hurt you". He still won't tell her so she stamps on his foot. "Tell me!" she yells "ouch! mitosis!."

"Okay, we know we said we'd come back stronger than ever this year, and we admit that 4th place in the division is not where we wanted to be. But it IS a better-than-.500 record, so there's that, and we have some good prospects in the pipe for 2019."

James Bond is sitting at the bar doing a vodka martini, shaken not schtirred, when he notices a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar.

He glances at his watch, looks up and gives her a knowing wink.

Intrigued, she walks over, smiles and says, "What was that all about? Why did y... read more

So this morning I was switching off with the day shift supervisor (I’m the overnight supervisor for the mobile division of a security company) and he asked another of our coworkers “when did your car window get broken?” Before I knew the words had come out of my mouth I said “the same time as your m... read more