My girlfriend just dumped me for talking too much about video games

What a ridiculous thing to fallout 4

Someone threw a beer at President Trump during last nights National Championship Game.

It was a draft, so he easily dodged it.

My love life is like a game of minesweeper

I ignore a bunch of red flags and it always blows up in my face.

I finally leveled up my coffee game.

All that grinding was worth it.

How many Game of Thrones seasons does it take to change a lightbulb?

Eight, if you want to screw it completely.

A game warden catches an unlicensed fisherman in the act.

"You're going to pay a big fine for all those fish in your bucket"

But, officer, I didn't catch these -- they are my pet fish and I just bring them here to swim. When they're done they jump back into the bucket.

"Oh really? This I've got to see. If you can prove it, I'll let you go."...

What’s a cannibals favourite game?

Swallow the Leader

A relationship is alot like ea games

It starts off great until the microtransactions come in

You know a great mind blowing game

Russian roulette

Want a mind-blowing game?

Let's play Russian Roulette

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The coach grimaced as he watched his young ice hockey team. At one point during the game, he called one of his 7-year-old players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded affirmatively...

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded once more.

"So..." the coach continued. "I'm sure you know that when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-...

I asked a French man if he played video games

He said wii

The ending of Game of Thrones makes sense, think about it.

Arya went west, Jon went north, Drogon went east, and the show went south.

What's Bernie Sanders' favorite video game?

Fire Emblem: Three Houses.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s a Nazi’s favorite carnival game?

Whack-a-Pole

What is an owl’s favorite board game?

Guess Who?

I have been playing this interesting game with my niece recently.

And you just lost it too.

Steph Curry picks up a veteran and a rookie teammate on his way to a game against the Lakers.

While on the road, they wind up behind an SUV and Steph sees that Shaq is behind the wheel. Steph kicks it into overdrive and passes Shaq going 70 mph.

A little while later they see Arnold Schwarzenegger in a Mustang. Steph floors it and passes him going 80 mph.

Halfway to the game, t...

R. Kelly changed the rap game

He took the art out of rap artist.

My group of friends and I were getting completely destroyed at a game of charades

These deaf people must be cheating or something

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Won a game of Russian roulette

Walked away with $80 but their casinos are a shit hole

I saw a dwarf goalie play two games in a row, and asked him, “Are you sore?”

He said, “Yes, I’m a little tender.”

A princess and her entourage are playing a truth-telling game.

She asks a knight if he has fathered any children. He looks down and says, “Alas, my Lady, I have not.”

The princess nods. “I believe it. You do not have the look of a man who could please his mistress. Your beard is a mere fuzz, and it is easy to tell from the state of the hay whether the pi...

After years of the wife complaining about me wearing the same boring underwear I decided maybe she was right and I needed to up my underwear game.

So I bought a second pair.

What’s Owen Wilson’s favorite video game?

WoW.

This morning while I was driving to work, a game warden pulled me over

and wrote me a ticket for no life jacket.

This is a regional joke in Louisiana. I ain't see the sun shine in 3 damn days.

I beat my kids when we play my old video games.

Sometimes I win at the games, too.

What is Henry Cavill's least favourite game?

Portal

Edit: Thanks for the coin, kind redditor!

Thanks as well for the coin gift!

What's a popular board game in Jerusalem?

Jewmanji

A man wins a chance to appear on a game show

A man won a chance to appear on a mystery game show. The chances were jeopardy, family feud, lingo, and the price is right. His wife a beautiful Spanish lady, the love of his life, told him that if he lost the game show she would divorce him because she couldn't handle the shame. So, he auditioned f...

Life is like a game of golf,

Whoever has the least amount of strokes wins

I went to a Syracuse University basketball game. The president showed up.

The secret service got confused and started guarding the mascot.

I went to an Astros game and couldn’t find the restroom.

They stole all the signs.

I, foolishly, named my daughter Daenerys before seeing how Game of Thrones ended. But you live and you learn.

Now to take a big sip of coffee, sit down with my son, Judas, and read about how things worked out for this Jesus fella.

How do communists make games?

Using 'Unity'.

I like playing the game guess who with my dad. He’s currently winning

Cause I still can’t figure out who he is.

I saw a guy drop his game of Scrabble.

I asked him what the word on the street was

The Catholic church released a fun PC game which takes place in the garden of Eden. You play as Eve and Adam is hiding from you. Your goal is to hunt him down with a slingshot.

It's a first person shooter.

Donald Trump is attending a baseball game with Melania.

The game is about to start, and the speaker makes an announcement. Suddenly Donald grabs Melania and throws her off the balcony.

After a few seconds of silence, the speaker comes on again:

"No, Mr President, I said throw the first PITCH"

During the Vietnam war what was the Americans favourite game to play?

Mine sweeper.

I almost got caught trying to steal a board game yesterday.

It was a risk I was willing to take.

What’s it called when a Peeping Tom is skilled in his game?

Peak Performance

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What was Hitler's favourite video game?

Meincraft

There’s no way video games cause violence.

If they did, school shootings would involve a LOT more tea bagging.

What game is set up to make every player always lose?

Schizophrenic russian roulette

Growing up in Germany, we always had this game that we'd play where we'd run around and hit each other with bread

Man, I miss Gluten Tag

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My grandpa told me “All you kids do these days is play video games.”

“When I was your age”, he continued, “my buddies and I went to Paris, We went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, pissed on the bartender and didn’t pay for my drinks all night!”

The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the Moulin Rouge with his frien...

There's a new drinking game that you can play.

You can only take a shot when Manchester United do.

It's called dry January.

I traveled to London this year to take part in Europe's largest chess tournament and was destroyed in the first round by this European guy with an odd accent. I waited until the end of the game to ask him about where he was from and what kind of accent he had...

He responded: "Czech, mate!"

I was playing a flight sim yesterday and suddenly my game started running really slowly, which was very annoying

I hate jet lag.

My friend bought a 4 dimensional game.

It was all theoretical.

Monthly Poker game

A behavioral psychologist, mathematician, and a chemist meet up for their monthly poker game.

As the psychologist is shuffling, he notices the chemist has a slight grin on her face. Considering the chemist usually loses, the psychologist asks her what the grin is about.

“Well, I’m us...

What does being a fundamentalist Christian and the game Snake have in common?

You can't touch yourself.

To discourage slacking all retro games have been removed from jails

Officers were upset to find Contra banned in the prison

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Texas Game Warden rolls up on a hunter...

One day a hunter was out duck hunting when a Texas Game Warden rolls up on him.

Game Warden: “What’s going on buddy? Looks like you hunting some ducks, huh? Looking down at the dead duck pile near him

Hunter: Nervous “Yes Sir.”

Game Warden: Picks up one of the ducks and sticks h...

What game is cancer?

And how is my dad already on stage 4?

I really needed to go early to bed, but I thought I could play just one more game.

Then it dawned on me.

Hide-and-Seek games aren't fun any more

It is too hard to find good players.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW - A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.What are you doing?" she exclaimed. The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents an

What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he ...

A politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and ...

Why is EPIC's current hit game called Fortnite?

Because that's about how long it takes for the average person to get bored of playing it.

What’s the best way to code the snake game?

In *python* script

A few famous scientists are playing a game of hide-and-seek

Einstein starts looking for everyone. Most of them hide, except Newton, who pulls out a piece of paper exactly 1m x 1m in size and places it on the ground next to him.

When Einstein finds him, he shouts: I've found you, Isaac! You've lost!"

The other physicist replies: "Nope. You must ...

If you rush a circumcision to be able to watch the start of a basketball game

You are quickly taking the tip off not to miss the tip off

A man takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game

A man takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over he asks if she had a good time. She replied “yes that was fun, but I don’t understand why they do all of that for 25 cents”. The man, puzzled, asks “what do you mean?” To which the blonde replied “well the game started with...

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If my sex life was a hockey game

I'd be awarded a lot of penalty shots after losing so many scoring opportunities.

Whats the worst time to have a heart attack?

During a game of charades.

Why did the game designer get moved from the writing team to the development team?

Because they had poorgrammar skills.


Please clap

What game do anti-vaxx kids play?

Marco-Polio

Side scrolling games on pc are all the same...

... kind of d-pressing

Jokes on you!

>! We're no strangers to love!<
>!You know the rules and so do I!<
>!A full commitment's what I'm thinking of!<
>!You wouldn't get this from any other guy!<

>!I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling!<
>!Gotta make you understand!<

>!Neve...

Why do calculus teachers hate the Final Fantasy games?

The characters keep breaking their limits.

Reddit Drinking Game

Go to the popular section and take a shot any time something political comes up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy named Danny walks into a bar...

A guy named Danny walks into a bar, tells the bartender to get him four shots of the highest proof he has, and says, “I need to forget.”

A pretty girl next to him gets curious and asks, “What do you need to forget?” And Danny replies with, “I’ll tell you but you won’t like it.” “I’ve been wit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new member of a big game hunting club shows up to a the welcoming ceremony

The young member wants to hear some great hunting stories so he finds the oldest man at the ceremony and says "Sir, I know you have some great hunting stories, tell me your best one."

The old man is happy to share his experiences with the young member. He starts out by saying "it was 1947, me...

A game warden catches an unlicensed fisherman in the act (same but different)

Somewhere out deep on an Alabama lake there's a **R**edneck lighting sticks of dynamite and tossing them into the water. After each tremendous explosion, he grabs his net and pulls the dead fish into his boat. Before too long, the **G**ame **W**arden races out, lights and sirens blaring and screamin...

My friend is mad because I beat the high score in his favorite game and I keep rubbing his face in it

I guess I'm starting to sound like a broken record

I was making a game only about russia

But people told me to add more polish

Three ladies were enjoying wine spritzers, when one suggested they play a game!

She proposed each wife describe which Soda Pop best described their husband in bed?

The First Lady said “my husband is Dr.Pepper, because every night he’s peppy”!

They all giggled!

The second lady said “my husband is 7UP, cause he can get it up 7 days a week”!

The ladie...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old, gross joke about deer hunting



*This ancient joke pre-dates the Internet. It is from the South and is best told with a southern accent.*

I was deer hunting in the mountains of North Carolina. After about four hours I shot a nice 400lb buck. While I was hauling the dear back to my truck, I was stopped by the game wa...

For me, relationships are like a game of hide and seek

Nobody finds me attractive.

Why did the console gamer cross the road?

To render the buildings on the other side.

Ever play the Oscar Pistorius drinking game?

When your gf goes to the bathroom, you take six shots.

If life is just a game, then mosquitos aren’t bugs

They’re features

Video games never made me angry or want to hurt people.

Working in customer service already did that.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says :

This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.

The guy replies, ‘Hey, why not?’ He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly. ‘Paint…my….house.’

A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he snuck across the border

He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:

"What h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this guy decides to take off work to go golfing.

So he's there on the Green, about to head his ball, when he hears, "Ribbit! Nine-iron!"

He looks down and there's a little frog next to his foot. "What did you say, little frog?"

And the frog repeats. "Ribbit! Nine-iron!"

So the man shrugs, figures what the hell, switches cl...

life is like a game of chess

i dont have a clue how to play chess

What game does a drug addict play the most?

Need for speed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bernie Sanders, Bill Clinton and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar

Hillary Clinton: "This is the worst game of fuck, marry, kill I've ever played."

Avocado makers need to up their game

The only free gift I get is a wooden ball

STDs are a lot like Pokemon...

It's hard to catch them all, but once you do, the game is pretty much over.

What happened when my dad forgot his glasses to the Warriors game?

Steph Blurry

I tried to play the Titanic game on my PC

But as soon as I hit the iceberg, it crashed

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind her teams bench on the 50 yard line.

After the game he asked her how she liked it.

She replied "oh, I really like it especially all the tight pants and big muscles, but I just don't understand why they were fighting each other over 25 cents."

T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So Johnny has a gaming system, and he liked to play a certain fighting game...

But his TV was very old, and whenever he attacked, there would be lines across the screen of the TV.

Johnny sent the TV in for repair, and was excited when he got it back. Although, still, the problem persisted.

So Johnny bought another copy of the game, thinking that the problem might...

What is China's favourite online game ?

Unreal Tiannament.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John is a mailman in a small town. Everyone in the town knows him. Today he is retiring.

Every house he went to, families were greeting him and congratulating him. Most game him gifts. Flowers, cards, presents ... until he got to the last house on his final route.

A woman came to the door stark naked. She quietly took him upstairs and made sweet passionate love to him for hours u...

What game do anti-vax children love playing?

Marko Polio

The Hunter.

There was a big game hunter in a bar in Africa. He was on a safari vacation with his wife. He was very good as a hunter.

While in the bar, he boasted that he could tell any animal and how it was killed by the feel of the pelt and the bullet hole. And he could do it blindfolded.

Of co...

What do you call a cube-crafting game that takes place in Iowa?

Des Moinescraft.

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. ....

"One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking i...

If only more game companies acted like blizzard.

I could probably kick my gaming addiction.

The police told me they'd throw me in jail the next time they caught me stealing board games

But that's a Risk I'm willing to take

What animal is hated by most board game players?

A cheetah.

A Blonde and A lawyer.

A lawyer and a blonde are waiting at the airport next to each other. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game of Find the Answer. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the...

A young boy enters a barber shop..

...and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”



The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves...

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