A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business. His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!" "I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"

A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"

The kid ignores him.

"Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about BlueDragon72?"

The kid turns his head quickly. "I haven't heard that name since I was ten..." He then realized. "It can't be.."

"...

Where is the worst place to hide if you are having a game of hide and seek in a hospital ?

The ICU

A man gets stopped by a game warden with his basket full of fish.

Warden: do you have a permit for all these fish?

Man: no sir. These are all my pet fish

Warden: your pet fish? How’s that?

Man: well, every night I take all my pet fish for a walk to the lake, I let them swim for about a half hour, and then I whistle and they all come back and j...

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The coach grimaced as he watched his young ice hockey team. At one point during the game, he called one of his 7-year-old players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded affirmatively...

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded once more.

"So..." the coach continued. "I'm sure you know that when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-...

New Zelda game, starring just the princess, that ties all the story lines together...

"The Missing Link"

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, ...

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From my 13 year old brother: I had to pause my game today to take a massive poop...

It was the Call of Doodie.

The prime Minister of Israel invited the Pope to a game of golf,

And since the Pope had no idea how to play, he convened the College of Cardinals to ask their advice. "Call Jack Nicklaus," they suggested, "and let him play in your place. Tell the Prime Minister that you're sick or something."

Honored by His Holiness's request, Nicklaus agreed to represent ...

Asked my French friend if he played any video games

He said "wii"

A Scotsman was competing in the highland games...

Carothers had a few pints after the caber toss and wanted to take a nap before all the dancing started. So he headed out to the woods and found a nice meadow to take a wee snooze.

Two young and beautiful lasses were picking flowers in the meadow when they stumbled upon him. Being curious on...

What game do fascists like to play?

Nahtzee.

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Two men are fishing one day, when the game warden approaches them and asked to see their fishing licenses.

One man takes off running at a full sprint, and instinctively the warden chases after him.

He chased the man over a hill and through a field, around the lake, and through the town, until finally he catches up with him.

“Aha! Gotcha! Now show me your fishing license!”

“Sure thin...

What's an Anti-Vaxxer kids favorite game?

Half Life

I've been trying to learn to play solitaire, but I can't finish a single game!

You'd think it would be easier, since my deck is already missing six cards.

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Whenever I have sex it's like playing a game of hide or seek.

I'm always the one who yells: Ready or Not Here I Cum!

I’m a kleptomaniac with a proclivity for stealing strategy board games.

I like to take Risks.

I won a Minecraft game without cheating

I did it fair and cube.

A mother hears a humming sound from her daughter's bedroom and walks in.

Finding her daugher sitting on the bed using her vibrator she asked, "What are you doing?!"

"I'm a 35 year old woman living with my parents. This is the closest I'll ever get to a husband, " replies the daughter.

The mother silently leaves the room. The next day, the father hears a hu...

To the game stop hedge fund investors: I know you spent 70 billion.

But the best I can offer you is $4 in credit.

When Arnold Schwarzenegger was a little boy back in Austria, he and his friends had a game where they would pretend to be famous composers ...

Georg would say "I'll be Handel!”

Franz would say "I'll be Schubert!”

Arnold would say "I'll be Bach!"

Wall Street execs to redditors:

"This isn't a game. Stop!"

Have you played the reddit apps drinking game?

You drink until the page loads. It took me three beers to make this post

Do you know how you can tell Monopoly's an old game?

...it has a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.

What is Owen Wilson's favorite video game?

Wow.

Nintendo is making a new game about gambling monsters.

It's called Pokermon.

Out of all the aspects of Tigers game

Nobody ever faulted his driving....

Tiger Woods has really picked up his game

He used to only flip his golf club

My son was playing a Zelda game and I told him it was more effective to lose health during the summer and winter seasons. Confused, he asked why?

I said, that way you don't take any Fall damage.

You can never enjoy a game of Chess against an Australian.

Everytime he checks, you'll think he's won the game.

What do guys who are into short girls and mobile game ads have in common?

They both have small exes.

I started a charity for the billionaire hedge fund investors affected by the Game Stop Short Squeeze.

But Soon after, I realized there’s already a Charity for them, The US Government.

The American school system is a lot like an EA game...

It's mostly broken and if you pay more money you can access things that make you have an advantage over everyone else.

Five Detroit Tigers fans, Al, Ben, Carl, Dan, and Edgar, are watching a home game for the Tigers. Of course, the Tigers easily lose, and the five fans leave the stadium angrily.

"If those players had played better, we could have won," said Al.

"Don't blame the players, blame the coach," said Ben. "If he had trained the players better, they would have played better."

"Those players couldn't play a decent game if their lives depended on it," said Carl. "But it's...

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The Pub Game

A guy walks into a pub in the middle of the countryside and orders a pint. While the barman is pouring his drink he notices a jar behind the bar that's stuffed with cash, must be close to £5000 in there. Curious, he asks the barman, "what's this about?"

"Ah, it's a little game we got 'ere" sa...

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What was Hitler’s favorite building game?

MeinKraft !!!

How Do I Know That Eastern European’s Love Board Games

Because I Have A Czech Mate Who Told Me So.

Why do orphans miss half their basketball games?

because they don’t have home games

What the Difference between an orphan and an apple? The Apple gets picked

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A gas station owner was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, “Free Sex with Every Fill-Up.”

Rob pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10, and said that if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. Rob said "today is my birthday, i'm feeling LUCKY and I guess 8".

The owner said, “You were very close, the lucky numb...

My friends and I were playing a game, where you have to think of famous Johns. The game ends if you pick a John that has died.

It's all fun and games until someone gets Hurt.

I tried to find volunteers for a tug of war game during a party, but failed miserably

The good players just won't come forward.

In light of the rising frequency of human - grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is...

advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field. They advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. They also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in ...

Why was there a delay at the leper hockey game?

There was a face off in the corner.

I lost a game and threw the mouse at the wall.

I was then promptly escorted out of the pet store.

Once I finished a video game about a man and a kid with a flying house without even playing it

I ended up doing nothing

Why do they play baseball games at night?

Because the bats are asleep during the day.

What Do People and Video Game Consoles Have in Common?

No one can agree on which generation is the best.

Did you hear what happened to the big game taxidermist who fell behind on his debt?

His deer rear career is in arrears

It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye.

Or a subreddit costs you $70 billion.

Do you hear about the man who died playing an erotic video game?

He had his final fantasy.

What's a COVID denier's favorite video game?

Space Invaders.

What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

I heard Donald Trump is going to host a new game show!

It’s going to be called “Who wants to sue a Millionaire?”

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We have a saying here in Alabama, “Playing a game and having it end in a tie is like kissing your sister.”

It’s fucking awesome because you didn’t lose

What’s a mouse’s favorite game?

Hide and squeak.

A quarterback was being interviewed only moments before the start of the game. The reporter had 3 quick questions: "Your favorite pizza? Your favorite Star Wars character? Your favorite non-football activity?"

His answers were just as brief:

"Hut, Hutt, Hike!"

Those hedge funds should have known they'd lose money by shorting GME.

As for us Gamestop customers, we fully expect to sell something for $20 and have to spend $500 when we want to buy it back.

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Ok r/askreddit if you had to give up video games or blow jobs for the rest of your life what would you choose?

Edit: Yea guys I'd pick blow jobs too, they hurt my jaw

Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He than looks to see...

if the lion is still chasing them and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."

What do you call the game Operation without the batteries?

Autopsy

Why didn’t they call the Paralympic Games..

the Olimpics instead?

My friend can’t decide what video game system to get for Christmas ...

... Nobody can console him.

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What do you call a detective that can pitch a perfect game of baseball.

A dick with no balls.

What was 2020's most popular board game?

Pandemic.

There was a part in my game where a plane was supposed to fly through but it froze in mid-air because of bad connection.

I guess you could call that Jet Lag.

I do online classes like games...

Blame it all on my internet.

Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game?

All of the fans left.

An American politician attends a football game...

This was last season so the stadium was packed with fans, completely sold out. He's minding his own business, enjoying the game when, during the 2nd Quarter, he hears someone in a nearby section shouting, "Steve! Hey, Steve!"

The politician stands up, looks around, but doesn't see anyone he ...

My girlfriend just dumped me for talking too much about video games

What a ridiculous thing to fallout 4

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If you play FPS games this will make sense. Should be original.

A man goes online and finds two of his mate playing COD:Warzone with a guy he doesn't know. He asks them what his name is and he guy says proudly in a French Accent "Zey call me ze Wanker". He is a bit dubious but his friends insist he is pretty good.

So they play the battle royal mode, and W...

I was playing a zombie game, and sliced off a zombie’s left side.

It scared my wife pretty bad.

I assured her he’s all right.

The football game at capital hill was such a good game..

The Patriots defense was so bad but they still somehow beat the Raiders.

Q: What is that game, and why are you playing it?

A: Just Cause

A child of age 7, was never allowed to leave home. Not for games, not even for studies. Most of the world was unknown to him.

One day, playing near the window, he saw an elephant in their cabbage farming eating away at their cabbages. The child went running to his Mom with fear and curiosity in his eyes

"Mom there is a huge creature on our farm! I saw it grabbing cabbages with its tail but ..
I couldn't understan...

Yesterday I watched a match of women's volleyball, and 10 minutes into the game there was a wrist injury.

But by tomorrow I should be fine again.

What's an Indian's favourite game ?

Hide and Sikh

What do you call a pig who just lost at a game of tug-of-war?

Pulled pork

God challenges the Devil to a game of baseball.

“How can I lose?” God said. “I have all the best players up here!”

“How can I lose?” Said the Devil. “I have all of the umpires down here.”

My wife asked me if I'd like to spend the evening at home or go play a game of bowling.

So I told her that putting my fingers in sweaty holes where everybody had been before wasn't what I had in mind for tonight. And we went play some bowling.

Why do you watch people play video games that you could play yourself?

Said the sports fan.

Q: What is a gardener's favorite game genre?

A: plantformers

What do game companies do with their old successful games?

Post Mortem, most port em.

God and Satan arranged a basketball game between Heaven and Hell.

"I know for a fact we are gonna win," said God. "We have all the best players up here...Wilt Chamberlain, Moses Malone, Kobe Bryant, and so on."

"I wouldn't count on that, God," said Satan. "You see, down here, *we* have all the referees."

While walking down the street one day, a senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.


"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."


"No problem, just let ...

What game will a Stormtrooper always win at?

Russian roulette

What’s everyone’s favorite new game at the monastery?

Amonk us

What do online video games and sonnets have in common?

Both end in a GG.

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scot are working on the building site for the 2012 Olympic Games. They’ve been told that, as a perk, they’ll be given tickets, but come the day, they’re told that there are no free places left, and only athletes will be let into the ground.

Thinking quickly, the Englishman casts about amongst the debris of the build (what workman has ever ‘made good’, cleaning up after himself?)
Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he announces ‘Johnny Smith, England, pole vault,’ He is admitted.
The Scot follows his lead, scrabbles about and finds ...

Why don't foot amputees really care when they lose a game?

Because they are used to being defeated.

Why did the vampire get nervous during the poker game?

His opponent had just raised the stakes.

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What is Hitler's video-game called?

Mein Craft.

A small boy is separated from his father at a football game,

so he goes up to a policeman and says, “I’ve lost my dad!”

“What’s he like?” the cop inquires.

“Beer and loose women…”

I wanted to make a team for a Pro Hide and Seek Game

But good players are hard to find

What is Mark Zuckerberg's favorite VR game?

Monopoly

I managed to buy some GameStop stocks at only $8/share!

It is called "GameStop Total Landscaping," right?

Why can't a British person ever lose a chess game?

Their Queen never dies.

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. The man watched the game in astonishment for a while.

“I can hardly believe my eyes!” he said. “That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.”

“He’s not so smart,” the friend replied. “I’ve beaten him three games out of five.”

You ever notice all the feathers left after a game of chess?

It's like only Toucan play at a time.

The animals were bored.

Finally the lion had an idea. He tells the other animals how he's seen the humans play a game called American football. He proceeded to tell them how it's played and explained its rules. This got them excited.

They chose their teams and went out to an open field. The lion's team received, and...

What is it called to be stuck in a card game

Solitairey confinement

What do you get when you combine an image board website and a popular puzzle game show?

Wheel of 4chan!

My coach told me to bring out the tiger in me during our football game.

I didn't want to waste any of my favorite frosted flakes cereal.

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"You ever play the game Fuck, Marry, Kill?"

"In real life, I've done two of those things."

"You were married?"

"No."

^(\*lovingly stolen from Myq Kaplan)

So a politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

‟So, you’re a politician...”
‟Well, yes, is that a problem?”
‟Oh no, no problem. But we have recently adopted a new system for people in your line of wo...

A man is sitting in his easy chair watching the football game when his wife comes in and slaps him in the face.

He says,”What was that for!”

She says,”I found a piece of paper in your coat pocket with the name Dorothy written on it!”

The man says,” oh that’s just the name of the horse I was going to bet on”

A week passes and the man is back in his easy chair watching another football game...

My girlfriend told me she would lick my bumhole on the flight if I stop talking about my favourite Bethesda game.

I can't wait for my Skyrim.

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The Card Game

Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later when Jeff went to the ...

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During the late thirties the Nazi party hosted a friendly soccer game versus England. The Nazi's star goalkeeper was Hans Bratvender.

Late in the game Hans, overcome with Nationalist pride, turned to face the Chancellor's private box, stood to attention and gave a Nazi salute.

At that moment, the English forward kicked from outside the goal crease, and scored what would be the winning goal.

When asked later to explai...

My girlfriend’s dad loves to challenge me to games, but he likes to feel out my skill level first. This week, he asked, “so how are you at Battleship?”

“Hit or miss.”

Why is Wolfenstein known as THE first person shooter?

Because in the games before it, you only shot monsters.

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What video game would Adolf Hitler play?

Mein Kraft

I'm a physicist and I went to a baseball game the other day....A foul ball got hit my way.... As the baseball came toward me, I was trying to work out how long it would take to reach me, based on its arc and velocity...

And then it hit me.

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A programmer and an engineer

A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a very long flight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks....

After winning the game I decided to throw my ball into the crowd

Apparently that’s frowned upon in bowling

Why don’t the animals in the zoo like to play games with the leopard?

They all think he’s a cheetah.

2 Psychics are playing a game of chess...

They look at the board and then firmly shake their hands and nod and say “Good Game!”
and leave.

Just A Funny Nothing else

What’s a video game title you can also call an anti-vax
Kid?



Half-Life

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It's 1845 and a man travels to Montana with his wife and son to settle. (LONG)

It's 1845 and Jacob travels to Montana with his wife and son to settle. After hard work, he has a log cabin built and pulls a brass bell from a steamer trunk they brought with them.

His wife, Sara, is bemused, asking what the bell is for. As the man proceeds to hang it from the eaves just in...

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