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My husband and son getting competitive while playing games.

Husband said" I fucked your mom"

to which the son replied" I have been deeper inside her than you'll ever be"

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NSFW - A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he ...

A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business.

His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!"

"I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"

A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"

The kid ignores him.

"Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about Blue...

After winning the game I decided to throw my ball into the crowd

Apparently that’s frowned upon in bowling

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her...

God and Satan arranged a basketball game between Heaven and Hell.

"I know for a fact we are gonna win," said God. "We have all the best players up here...Wilt Chamberlain, Moses Malone, Kobe Bryant, and so on."

"I wouldn't count on that, God," said Satan. "You see, down here, *we* have all the referees."

I asked a French man if he played video games...

he said wii

You can tell Monopoly is an old game...

...because there's free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.

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The coach grimaced as he watched his young ice hockey team. At one point during the game, he called one of his 7-year-old players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded affirmatively...

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded once more.

"So..." the coach continued. "I'm sure you know that when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-...

Russian roulette is an amazing game...

5 out of 6 people recommend it.

Two elitist gamers meet each other and discuss their favorite online games

Gamer 1: "You play WoW? LoL"

Gamer 2: "You play LoL? WoW"

What .io game did people in the 1920s play

Pol.io

A blonde and a lawyer are on a plane

And they’re sitting next to each other. The lawyer gets bored and decides to play a game.

He asks the blonde to join. The lawyer says “we’ll each ask each other a trivia question. If you get it right, you earn $5. If you get it wrong, the other person earns $5.”

Well, the blonde isn’t...

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Satan challenges God to a basketball game, so God puts together a choice team from heaven and goes down to hell.

When they come back to heaven, it's with shocking news: they lost the game 52 to 140!

The Virgin Mary is stunned, "How could you possibly lose the game with a team like yours?! Didn't you have the best saints, the most generous souls, the philanthropists and Jesus himself??"

"Yes," fum...

Yesterday I watched a match of women's volleyball, and 10 minutes into the game there was a wrist injury.

But by tomorrow I should be fine again.

A teacher is talking about video games.

She asks, "does playing video game cause long term affects?"

A student replies "yes".

"How do you know?"

"I have a hunch."

What's a judge's favorite game?

Counter-strike

I'm working on a video game where you go back in time and kill Adam and Eve

it's going to be the first ever First Person Shooter.

What's an Alabama girls favorite game?

Smash Bros!

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Losing my virginity was a lot like my first football game

There was blood and snot everywhere, but at least my dad came

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What’s a Nazi’s favorite game?

MeinCraft

My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but then I realized she just wanted to do laundry.

So I folded.

During my trivia game, I asked the contestants to define “defenestration”.

No one got it right, so I threw that question out the window.

Writing a funny joke is like playing a game of darts.

Sometimes you hit. Sometimes you miss, and sometimes you get sent to jail for manslaughter.

Fortnite just released a special Jewish edition of the game

It'll have no Thor skin

My Girlfriend said last night, "You treat our relationship like some kind of game!".

Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance.

The one about the mental patients and the baseball game

There once was a doctor at a mental hospital, who had to take care of the craziest and most mentally unstable patients in the hospital, which they called the "nuts." The doctor, along with his assistant, would soon get through a breakthrough by giving them simple orders and addressing them as "nuts....

What's the most popular arcade game in Mexico?

Guac - a - mole

I love playing games with my dad!

He’s really good at them, especially Hide-and-Seek.

He hid 18 years ago, and I haven’t found him yet.

My friend keeps beating kids in games

It's fine and all except the game is "Who punches harder?"

What’s a fat person’s favorite video game?

Space Invaders

What time does Sean Connery play the game with two rackets and a yellow ball?

Tenish.

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Little Johnny and Little Jack were playing the Penis game, a game where you shout 'penis' louder and louder.

Little Johnny: Wanna play the penis game?

Little Jack: Ok

Little Johnny: penis

Little Jack: Penis

Little Johnny: PEnis

Little Jack: PENis

Little Johnny: PENIS!

Teacher: LITTLE JOHNNY! GO TO THE FRONT OFFICE, NOW!

Little Johnny: Okay :(

-...

Why did the rooster go to the basketball game?

He heard that they blow fouls there.

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Mr. Johnson joined a bowling team. "We meet at 8:00 every Saturday morning," said the captain. "Okay," said Mr. Johnson, "but I might be five minutes late for the first game."

That Saturday, Mr. Johnson arrived at exactly 8:00 and bowled a turkey with his right hand. When he left the bowling alley, he said, "Next week, I might be five minutes late."

The next Saturday, Mr. Johnson arrived at exactly 8:00 and bowled a six-pack with his left hand. When he left the bow...

At first I wanted to break up with my girlfriend because she didn’t like to play video games...

It wasn’t really something to Fallout 4.

It seems harder to catch air in the new Tony Hawk game for PS4

They did that to commemorate 2020

What do they call The Hunger Games in France?

Battle Royale with Cheese

It’s the first baseball game of 2020

This was told to me by my 90 year old Grandpa.

It’s the first baseball game of the 2020 season. A father and son are watching the home opener of their favorite team on television. The first batter up to the plate gets hit with the ball and is walked down to first. While at the base, the runn...

What game do you get when you are moving house?

Pac Man

I was watching an international soccer game, and suddenly an Iranian player ran into the stands to beat up a spectator.

Then the Shiite hit the fan.

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The secret to winning every single Rock, Paper, Scissors game is...

...Weighing about 30+ kilos more than your opponent, looking him firmly in the eye and showing ROCK til they get the fucking message.

I was playing an updated version of Oregon Trail voiced by Terry Crews.

I made the comment that he wasn’t a good voice actor, and the game abruptly ended. Apparently, I died of dissin’ Terry.

If Beyblade’s were a video game the final boss would be

a garbage disposal

If Reddit was a video game, it'd be really broken and unbalanced

Because everyone would be OP

My wife and I played that game where you write down 5 people we're allowed to sleep with

Ourside of our marriage

She gave me her list and I scoffed at the predictability

Celebrities, athletes, she didn't stand a chance!

However as she read mine a look of complete horror swept over her face

And I was grabbing my coat when she screamed "where the hell are you g...

Why did the stadium get hot after the game?

All of the fans left.

What's Thanos' favourite card game?

Snap

A man with two buckets of fish was leaving a lake well known for its fishing and was stopped by a game warden.

The warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?!" the warden replied.

"Yes, sir. Every night I take these fish down to this lake and let them swim around for about a half-h...

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My grandpa told me “All you kids do these days is play video games.”

“When I was your age”, he continued, “my buddies and I went to Paris, We went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, pissed on the bartender and didn’t pay for my drinks all night!”

The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the Moulin Rouge with his frien...

People still having large weddings during a pandemic must be huge Game of Thrones fans.

After all a Dothraki wedding without at least 3 deaths is considered a dull affair.

My wife said she wants a divorce because I play too many video games.

What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

You know that show naked and afraid? It remind me of a game I played with my uncle.

It’s a joke! I know it’s dark. Sorry.

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Boris Johnson dies...

His soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St.Peter at the Pearly Gates. Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there's a problem: We seldom see a Conservative here and we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer," says Johnso...

Wanna know what is scarier than a horror game

said horror game’s fanbase.

An interesting game

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting.' So we stopped playing chess.

A man invites his friend to a game of golf.

His friend declines, but says, 'Take my horse, he's phenomenal.'

The man laughs, but does so anyway, if only to see a horse golf. To his surprise, the horse does amazingly, getting an Eagle or better on every hole.

The man returns to his friend, astonished. 'I can't believe it!', he sa...

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NSFW Two guys are on a camping trip...

And on the last day, they can't decide on what to do. So one decides he'll go for a lonely walk in the forest, while the other goes to a mountain lake.

When they meet up in the evening, the forest guy is "Hey, how did your day go?"

"Awesome. I went to this mountain lake, and there was...

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What's does a penis and a video game have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

What game do French immigrants play

Lacrosse

I made a villager in my game out of bread

It's a naan-player character

I told my 14 year old son I thought 'Fortnite' was a stupid name for a computer game.



I think it is just too weak.

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Hitler's Game

During the Second World War hitler and his troops storm into a village and gather the people in the village to the square. Hitler wanted to shoot the people there but decided it was too boring. He came up with a game where the wifes would need to identify her man only by touching his dick. If she fa...

Someone threw a beer at President Trump during last nights National Championship Game.

It was a draft, so he easily dodged it.

Soccer is a strange game.

Soccer is a bunch of people running away from their goals.

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How is sex like a game of bridge?

If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner

Just moved to Germany from America and I’m really offended by people disrespecting my celiac disease. Everywhere I go people are playing this weird game:

Gluten tag

It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final

It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there.


'No' says the neighbor. 'The seat is empty.'


'This is ...

All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose?

Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.

John is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts..

A classic in honor of my cake day!


John is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts,
"Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now".

He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the lights now? Does it look like I have GE written...

What’s my favourite drinking game?

Driving

Why did Loki throw a tantrum when he couldn't find his brother during a game of hide and seek?

Because he was a Thor loser

If you lost your erection every time a game developer got accused of workplace harassment

Ubisoft

What does an Egyptian mathematician use to denote the possible combinations of game moves?

Set theory.

My girlfriend thinks I treat our relationship like a game

Unfortunately that cost her 37 points

(Disclaimer: this isn’t my original joke, it’s from some mobile game I used to play)

I think video games like Call of Duty set a terrible example for children.

There's no lag when you shoot someone in real life.

Why are there no wheel chair characters in battle royal games?

Because it's last person standing wins.

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A man and a woman were dating. She, being of a religious nature, had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so badly. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.

One day, as they slowly drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits. "I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit [60 MPH] you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing."

He enthusiastically agreed and sped...

Car rides and plane rides are just like video game loading screens if you think about it.

Most of the time they both take way too long.

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A priest and a shepherd from Australia participate in a TV game.

After answering all the questions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word "Timbuktu". It is city in Africa.

The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration:

"I was a father all my life,
I had no children...

A board game wherein players have to figure out who gave them an STD.

New from Johnson & Johnson: Clue-midia.

I think my knockoff airplane simulator game was made by extremists

It crashed and asked me if I'd like to send a terror report.

When playing a game against a less skilled player, it’s considered fair to give them a handicap.

That’s why I always break my opponent’s kneecaps before a game of Monopoly

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A man is sitting at a bar...

He has been there for three hours just nursing a beer with a shit eating grin on his face. The bartender (after noticing this man has purchased nothing more) walks up to him and says "Dude. You've been here forever with that warm beer, and that dumb smile. What the hell are you so happy about?" ...

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My pull out game is strong.

No kidding.

What's a furry's favourite board game?

Trivial Fursuit

People are forever going on about how video games are an unhealthy influence on the young.

But I grew up in the 1980s when all we had was Pacman and it's not like we spent all our time running around in the dark munching pills to weird repetitive music!

Why is great to have garbage men as my video game teammates?

They are used to carrying trash.

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What is Hitler's favorite Videogame ?

***Mein Kraft***

WNBA announces plan to play abbreviated 22-game season in Florida beginning in late July without fans in attendance.

Come on. Do I even have to type the punchline for this one?

My dad said he'd delete my computer games if I didn't finish mowing the lawn. I did the first half pretty quickly...

but now I'm losing Steam.

After my son’s soccer game, the goalkeeper invited him and I for a party afterwards.

It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.

When I grow up and have kids in a couple of decades. I won't be worried when the day comes they ask for for the newest released M rated game. I'm confident I won't even need to play its unsuitable.

I mean I've played GTA 5 before.

dumbest kid

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes t...

As a kid I loved playing games during recess

But I drew a line at hopscotch

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An elementary school teacher decided hand out candy and have the students guess what they are...

The teacher explains to the class the game they will be playing; guessing the candy she gives them. The class roars in excitement.


The teacher walks over to a student named Suzie, and hands her a peppermint. The student puts it in her mouth, and without skipping a beat says, "I know thi...

Never play drinking games with antivaxxers

They refuse to take their shots.

I went to an archaeology party where the game was looking for a lower leg bone.

It was a real shindig.

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Some people are saying the President had "a series of mini-strokes"

I'm not sure if they're talking about his golf game or how he masturbates.

An Aussie wins a game of chess and calls for the bill, then his friend collapses in his chair.

He says: “Checkmate. Check, mate” then Checks his mate

What is a Canadian's favorite board game?

Sorry!

Why would you really want to win a game of beach volleyball on a hot and sunny day?

Because defeat hurts.

2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.

One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".

I imagined the final strike. With a 300 point score, onlookers cheering my perfect game...

It was mind-bowling.

Is it just me, or is Hunger Games subliminal advertising for vegans?

Because every 5 seconds all I hear is *PETA!*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I entered a gameshow to win a million dollars...

The gameshow required guessing the unknown using your five senses.

In round one, I stuck my hand into a covered box and guess what was inside by feel. Without hesitation I knew it was seaweed and tinfoil. I would know that feeling anywhere.

In round two, we were paired and had to guess...

Paddy had just arrived in New York from Ireland and was invited by one of his American cousins to go to his first baseball game.

Seated in the Yankee Stadium bleachers, he watched as a man swung a
stick, hit a ball and started toward a white bag
down the line. Everyone stood up and yelled,
"Run, run!"
Then a second guy came up to the plate,
whacked the ball and started down toward the
white bag. Everyone sto...

I enjoyed a game of quiet tennis today...

It’s just like regular tennis, but without the racket...

It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye....

Then it's just a game of "Find the eye!"

The guy who played "The Mountain" from Game of Thrones is 50% of a Norse god.

He's Hafthor.

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So like, this guy was drinking beer and watching a basketball game on TV

while his wife was outside mowing the grass. He went out and asked "What are you going to make for dinner?" She said "How dare you ask me that! I'm doing all the work while you're sitting around. Pretend I'm out of town and make your own dinner!" So the guy cooked a T-bone steak and while he was eat...

What did they call the Minecraft player who built a clock in-game to chime at 4:20?

A Redstoner.

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My friend asked why I never used condoms

I said, "My pull out game is superb and condoms are expensive. You gotta keep a tight budget when you have 14 kids."

What was Beethoven's favorite game as a child?

Hayden seek.

What’s a German janitor’s favourite game?

Mein Sweeper.

The Floor is Lava would have been a great game

But it has a fatal floor.

A game warden catches an unlicensed fisherman in the act.

"You're going to pay a big fine for all those fish in your bucket"

But, officer, I didn't catch these -- they are my pet fish and I just bring them here to swim. When they're done they jump back into the bucket.

"Oh really? This I've got to see. If you can prove it, I'll let you go."...

I wasn't allowed to bring a board game in on an airplane.

The Risk was too big.

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