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4 Men at a bar discuss the most difficult sport to play.

The first man, wide as a dishwasher and having huge muscles all over, says “I’m a football player, it’s the hardest sport in the world to play! You’ve gotta be in top physical condition and have excellent situational awareness.”

The second man, an older gentleman wearing a collared shirt, say...

What do you call a left wing hater of EA Sports?

Anti-FIFA

TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

Why was Cinderella bad in sports?

Her coach was a pumpkin and she ran away from the ball.

Two old men, who are growing very old and love the sport of baseball make a pact with each other one day...

These men love the game, they always talk the off-season trades, the winter meetings, watch every game of the season, and recollect on the players of their hay day. So they decide to form a pact. The first one to die will come back to the other and inform them if there is baseball in heaven.

...

A man was driving a sports car

He had just bought it and suddenly he ran out of gas. So he walked to the nearest house and asked the owner if he could have some gas. The owner said yes and after he had the tank full he said ‘it’s getting late I have an extra room if you want to spend the night’. The man was uneasy but accepted be...

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm.

He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Jack says, "You know what, I bet he...

Due to lack of professional sports, ESPN televised the World Origami Championships.

It was paper view.

My friend announced that he had invented a sport exclusively for animals with large, colourful beaks

I responded, “toucan play that game!”

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Sports Teams should be named for what their city is famous for

For example: Dallas is known for cowboys, San Francisco was the place for the miners, 49ers, to bring their gold and claims, Islignton was famous as being home of the Artillery Regiment, thus "Arsenal," Milwauke HAD brewing.

Washington should change their name to "Senators," and Cleveland cou...

With so many sporting events being delayed or cancelled, one sports TV outlet decided to televise the 'World Origami Championships'

It's on paperview

fencing is the best sport.

There's just no point in others...

Why is hockey the bloodiest sport?

It has three periods

If laziness was an Olympic sport

I would've placed 4th so I wouldn't have to climb the winners' stairs

I bumped into an old school friend today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car.

Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?".

I said "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend."

He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?", I said "No, she's an optician."

What is the avatar's favorite sport?

Sokka

What is the Hulk's favourite sport?

Squash.

With no sports on tv, I'm watching birds fight over worms in the yard...

Only time the Orioles have had a winning record.

The KKK is brought to you by the sports drink...

White Powerade

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a shotgun.

"It's for my husband," she tells the clerk

"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.

"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!"

What is the name of that thing on the back of sports cars that make them more aerodynamic?

\[spoiler\]

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The coach grimaced as he watched his young ice hockey team. At one point during the game, he called one of his 7-year-old players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded affirmatively...

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded once more.

"So..." the coach continued. "I'm sure you know that when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-...

Have you guys tried the new sport of blindfold archery?

You don't know what you're missing.

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A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She was thrilled at the speed.
"If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.
"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.
And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.
Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over.
The nake...

A study of different American’s choice of sport

Now this is profound:

It is very interesting looking over data of different socioeconomic groups in America and the different types of recreation they partake in, and what it means about them as a group.

Poor people tend to play basketball.

Working Class tend to play football<...

What's Jesus' least favorite sport?

Crosscountry

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The guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around, he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs.

The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."

"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me!"

"I understood every word," says the pa...

Since a lot of sports are no longer being televised as much, and some matches postponed, I've compensated by watching the birds in my yard compete over worms.

So far Cardinals 6, Blue Jays 3.

What is the noisiest sport?

Racquetball

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Why did the little boy keep playing sports on the roof?

He wanted his balls to drop.

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A man was trying to lose weight

A man was trying to lose weight and stumbled upon an advertisement by a company that advertised weight loss of 10 pounds over the course of just one week. He decided he had nothing to lose so he decided to give it a try.

The very next day his training sessions started. He was greeted by a stu...

if at first you don't succeed,

then skydiving is *probably* not the sport for you

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You know why black people love watching sports?

Easy, cause they dominate that shit.


It's the same reason white people watch the History Channel.

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There was this woman sitting on a park bench muttering to herself and spitting. She would mutter then spit, mutter then spit. As a man got closer he heard her say "Damn, that sonofabitch can drive" then spit "Damn, that sonofabitch can drive" then spit, "Damn that sonofabitch can drive" then spit.

He sits down next to her and asks "What's going on here? You keep saying, "Damn that sonofabitch can drive, then you spit".

“Well" says the gal "my boyfriend just got a brand new sports car, so he calls me and asks me if I want to go for a ride. So I say 'sure, why not?' He picks me up and w...

What are we to do with all the canceled sporting events?

They're going to televise the world origami championships live... On "paper view"!!!

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Why doesn’t the fastest land animal get to participate in any sports?

Because he’s a cheetah.

What sport is played by angry french people?

Lacrosse

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Cheap parrot

Man walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot for only $50. Standing next to the cage the man asks, "Why is he so cheap?" "Because I am defective," came the reply. "I've got no legs." A little surprised the man asked, "Well how do you stay on your perch?" The parrot draws him closer and whispers, "I h...

Paintball is a very violent sport

It involves a lot of dyeing

I’m sporting a quarantine beard. I didn’t like it at first.

But it’s growing on me.

Why is suntanning not an Olympic sport?

Because the best you can ever get is bronze.

Competitive lumberjacking will never be a sport as it isn't a matter of skill

It just comes down to whoever has logged the most hours

The Chicago Bears new quarterback.

The Chicago Bears were desperately looking for a new quarterback. With all normal options not working out they looked outside the United States. They found a terrorist in Iran who was able to throw a grenade 100 yards and have it go through a 3rd story window every time. The Bears signed him immedi...

A man with a new sports car was speeding down an empty road late at night.

Suddenly he heard sirens behind him. He looked in his rearview mirror to see the flashing lights of a police car. The man thought to himself “I can outrun this guy.” And stepped on the accelerator. He kept accelerating. 90 miles an hour. 100. 110. 120.

After a few minutes he realized how stup...

Ice fishing

I was in Greenland a few years ago and I wanted to try ice fishing. So I went to the local sporting goods store to purchase everything I would need, an ice saw, fishing pole, line, hooks, and a bucket to hold my catch. I drove out to the ice lake, cut a hole in the ice, and got set up. I had been...

Day 12 without sports.

Found a nice lady on the couch today, apparently she's my wife,she seems nice.

Olympic Gold medalist Picabo Street retired from sports to work in the hospital. A doctor has a patient in need of intensive care and cannot find her.

The doctor calls her station and she answers, "Picabo, ICU."

Carolyn, a rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just won't move at all...

After trying to drive the car at night for a week (but without any luck), she furiously calls the Jaguar dealers and they send out a technician to her.

The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it.

So he turns to the blonde and asks, "Ma'am, are you sure you are usin...

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Sex is like sports.

I don't do it myself, but I love watching other people do it.

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The International Council of Man Laws

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When sh...

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Doctor: “Do you do sports?”

Patient: “Does sex count?”

Doctor: “Yes.”

Patient: “Then no.”

Sports joke...

Two older gentlemen, Steve and Dave, strangers until they met at the Superbowl.

Dave notes the empty seat between the two.

Steve sighs. "...that was my wife's seat. We were season ticket holders and went to every game until she passed away."

Dave says, "I'm sorry to hear that....

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A set of identical boy triplets grow up doing everything together.

Naturally being brothers, they are very competitive and strive to outdo each other in everything they do. School, sports, work and most especially girls.

They get older, meet girls and all decide to settle down. Competitive streak aside, they are also extremely close and decide they will ge...

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Four older gentlemen are out golfing, sharing about their lives and eventually the topic of their children's professional success is brought up. The first guy steps up, hurriedly takes his shot, wiffs the ball off into the woods, and starts walking to find his ball without saying a word...

The second man steps up to take his shot and confidently reports, "My son is doing pretty well. He's just been promoted to manager of the car dealership he works at. In fact, he's doing so well gave the last lady he was seeing a brand new sports car." Then he takes takes a swing and drives the ball ...

When the France 1924 Olympics were held...

...did they compete in Oui Sports?

Star Trek characters make the worst sports fans...

They always root for the away team

Unique sport tool

Gangsters come into sport shop and says:Hey Fred we need to beat some guys up! Fred:Hmmm this baseball bat should be good. Its have a signature of Babe Ruth! Hey Fred its real signature of Babe Ruth? Fred:No but if you beat that guys hard they will not ask about this.

So what do you think of equestrian sports?

Neigh or nay?

What's a philosopher's favorite sports attire?

soccer tees.

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Football is easily the gayest sport

It’s a bunch of guys going balls deep into each other’s end zones.

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A Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.

After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke, “Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim.”

“I know, Father. In fact, I don’t think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two.”

“I agree,” says the Fa...

Rooting for the Dallas Cowboys is the most authentic fan experience in sports.

Just like them, you too can watch the playoffs from the comfort of your couch at home.

Try at your own risk.

Foreign tourist: What is the greatest adventure sport in India?

Indian man: \*Looks sadly at ring on his hand\* Arranged marriage.

What's Kool-Aid man's favorite sport?

Baseball. He's a pitcher.

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who also was a blonde...

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug
through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
“What does it look like?” she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, “It’s square and it has your picture on it.”
The driver finally found a square mirror in...

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When is Baseball a sexual sport?

When the batter drives it deep

Why are Canadians so good at sports?

They always bring their eh game

What do you call a sheep with a sports car?

A Lamb-orghini...

A father is planning a birthday party for his son, who is a huge Phillies fan.

The father recently befriended a sports agent, so he reaches out:

"Hey Mike, my kid's birthday is coming up on the 27th and I wanted to see if you could pull some strings to have someone from the Phillies make an appearance at his party."

"Yeah, I think Shane Victorino is actually gonn...

A man gets his favorite's sports team hat stolen...

Angry and in a fuss, he stomps around his living wondering who took it. He loves his team and he misses his hat.

So he hatches a plan.

"I know, ill go to church, during sermon ill sneak to coat check. For sure someone is gonna have the same hat and i'll just take it. Ya that'll show e...

If laziness was an Olympic sport.

I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.

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My friend is very involved in the German Blackbird Racing league

My friend Hans is very involved in the German Blackbird Racing league. He's always whooping and hollering at every race, and now most of his friends call him "Woo!". Despite his enthusiasm for the sport, he's not very creative. He mostly just numbers his birds, and never takes our advice on names....

Chewbacca was young and playing in a sports team, but he wasn't doing all that well...

He's still a Wookie after all.

I just bought a 2 million dollar house and a 500,000 dollar sports car with my beautiful new wife and fantastic job.

Yes, my life has certainly gotten better since I took up lying.

A blind man was describing his favorite sport-parachuting.

When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him.

“I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go.”

“But how do you know when you are going to land?”, he was asked.

“Well, I have a very keen...

Tom Brady is a very polarizing sports figure.

On one hand, he has FIVE super bowl rings. But on the other hand, he only has one.

Three men die together in an accident and are sent to hell...

Two of the men are quite tall and lean, and the other man is a very short, fat guy.

The devil welcomes them to hell. He tells the three men that they have a chance to redeem their souls and go to heaven. If one of them men can find something the devil can't catch, he will let all three asce...

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I was at a party last night and got talking to a leading expert in the use of drugs in Sport.

He told me about a female Bulgarian athlete who had used so much steroids in the 70’s that she started to grow the beginnings of a penis.

“Anabolics?” I asked. “No” he said, “Just a penis”.

It’s significantly harder for athletes to perform in todays temperatures

I’ve read in the newspaper that the Government has forbidden fans at sport events

Im 45 years old and I just bought my very first sports car. My girlfriend thinks I’m going through a midlife crisis.

But what would she know? She’s only 18.

Im thinking of taking a job as a crowd estimator of sporting events.

I wonder how many people are in that field.

While sports fishing off the Florida coast in Key West, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber walking on the shore, the tourist shouted,

“There wouldn’t by chance be any
alligators in these waters?!”“No,” the old man hollered back, “haven’t been any for years!” Feeling relieved, the tourist
started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway toward shore he asked the old man,
“Say, how’d you get rid of the gators, any...

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An old lady is rolling up and down the halls of the nursin home in her wheelchair making sounds like a car. VROOM VROOM!

An old man jumps out of his room and says "Ma'am you were speeding. License and registration please." She digs around in her purse, pulls out a candy wrapper and gives it to him. He looks it over, hands it back and sends her on her way with a warning.

The old lady is rolling up and down the h...

A group of 2nd, 3rd and 4th graders, accompanied by 2 female teachers, went on a field trip to the local race track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the sporting industry, but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the gents when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal...

What’s a dog’s favorite sport?

Rug-pee

Once upon a time a lonely ant met a handsome fish.

Once upon a time a lonely ant met a handsome fish. Despite everyone telling them it was wrong, they fell in love.

One day they eloped and moved into a cottage by a pond. Their only neighbor was Mr. Frog

They lived many happy years together and then something unexpected happened; they h...

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A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde entered into a high-stakes TV culinary contest of the ages...

After the three women finished their cooking procedures, they individually lined up behind the curtain of the main stage and each rolled out a cart with their respective dish. To elaborate, three judges would be grading these women on their cooking capabilities.

When the time came for the pre...

I told my potato he makes a great commentator when we watch sports.

He said "who ya callin' common?"

The Corona virus must have been invented by women, all the proof is there!

1. No sports on TV
2. All bars and clubs closed
3. Weeks in quarantine where you need to do all these odd jobs you kept on postponing
4. Symptoms of Corona are flu like and they know we're extra vulnerable for that
5. To rub it in our faces, they even named it after a beer!

What sports do an illegal immigrant play?

Deportes

I think college athletes should get paid to play sports.

Except Tennessee. They're Volunteers.

I know nothing about the sport of fencing

But I attended a match with a friend who promised to explain everything.

The fencer took position, and one lunged at the other who batted the blade away.

The crowd went wild.

"That was a parry." My friend explained.

The fencer lunged again, the other deflected the blade...

A man who just won £100m on the lottery is being interviewed on TV news.

Interviewer : What are you planning to do with your winnings?

Winner : I’m going to spend half of it on expensive sports cars, women of dubious morals, strong drink, drugs and gambling.

Interviewer : And what will you do with the other half?

Winner : I’ll probably just waste it.

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Getting screwed

A traveler knocked on the door of the house where a cab driver had told him that he could be sexually accommodated.

An eye-level panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted.

"I want to get screwed," said the salesman.

"OK, mister, but this is a private club, so slip ...

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Ralph, the department store parrot

During its hayday, Goldfinches was a glorious department store, with gorgeous decorations, including a Aviary centerpiece, where Ralph held court. You see, Ralph had a special ability to detect what people wanted by their appearance, and he would tell them where to look for the thing they needed....

What is cardboard's favorite sport?

**Boxing**

-brought to you by my 8-year-old son

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