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Sport Jokes

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Sport Balls

At age 25 men play basketball
At age 40 men play tennis
At age 60 men play golf

The moral of the story is the older you get the smaller your balls get

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58pm

He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Jack says, "You know what, I bet he...

If laziness was an Olympic sport.

I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.

Carolyn, a rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just won't move at all...

After trying to drive the car at night for a week (but without any luck), she furiously calls the Jaguar dealers and they send out a technician to her.

The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it.

So he turns to the blonde and asks, "Ma'am, are you sure you are usin...

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Sports of Choice

The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.

The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

The sport of choice for m...

Drag racing is my favorite sport

I'm just so amazed at how fast they can run in heels.

I'm outfitting my boat for sport fishing.

Ship just got reels.

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Three sports fans leave a bar...

(Insert teams A, B and C as you like. This is how I know it.)

Three baseball fans walk out of a bar. They turn a corner and see a pair of legs sticking out from behind a bush. They push the bush aside and find a woman dead and completely naked. They call the police and as they wait, they deci...

It’s a good thing our favorite sports drink was invented at University of Florida…

If it was developed at Florida State University, Gatorade might have been called Seminole Fluid instead.

Which sport does the grim Reaper play?

Sickle Ball

What is Mexico's national sport?

Cross Country

A sports car is driving in Amish country.

He skids on the road and crashes into a ditch. He gets out unharmed and looks at his car in dismay. A few minutes later an Amish man comes riding by in a horse and buggy. The Amish man stops and asks, "Would you like some help, English?". The man quickly says he would, and just as quickly the Am...

What's a Philosophers favourite sport?

Discuss

What is the Mexican cartels favorite water sport?

Narco Cholo

What’s an emo person’s favorite sport?

Jump rope.

If laziness was an Olympic sport...

I would be fourth so I wouldn't have to step up on the podium.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Good Sport...

Bruce is driving over Harbor Bridge one day listening to some music in his car and just having a really great day. Suddenly he notices his girlfriend Sheila standing on the side of the bridge.
Bruce slams on the brakes, bolts out of the car and shouts, "Sheila! What the hell are you doing, babe...

Rugby most be the most salacious sport there is....

It is the only sport that has hookers right on the field and involved in every play.

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A lad was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 180mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 180, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thro...

What's Vladimir Putin's favorite sport?

Cross-country

Why are Canadians so good at sports?

They always bring their eh game

Reverse origami is my favorite sport

I love watching the action unfold.

What is China’s national sport?

Hard labour.

What brand of sports clothing do personal organizers wear?

Under Armoire

Hockey seems like a women's sport....

It has periods and the players wear pads.

What is a web developer's favorite sport?

<body> building

What is the National Sport of the United States of America?

Depends on which one is on TV right now.

What Olympic sport will Ukrainians always beat Russian in?

The javelin thrown.

What time does Sean Connery usually play racket sports?

Ten-ish

What is a Mexicans favorite high school sport?

Cross country

What's Sarah Palins favorite water sport?

Parah Salin.

What’s the best thing about transphobia?

It finally got people interested in women’s sports.

I am a little worried about the future of the sport of Olympic skiing.

It’s just going downhill.

Fast.

A man walks into a bar sporting the worst haircut you've ever seen...

"Give me two shots of Jack Daniels," he says to the bartender. "One for me, and one for you."

"You know I don't drink on the job," the bartender says, pouring the man a shot.

Downing the drink, the man replies, "And that's why I like you better than my barber."

Though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player.

Love means nothing to them.

TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

What summer sport is most popular with fit albinos?

Bleach volleyball.

I’m ok with trans women competing in women’s sports

As long as I’m allowed to bet

Do you do any sports?

- Yes, I do CrossFit
- CrossFit? what’s CrossFit?
- I cross my fingers and hope the clothes fit

what do sport fans eat from?

a SOUPer bowl

Unique sport tool

Gangsters come into sport shop and says:Hey Fred we need to beat some guys up! Fred:Hmmm this baseball bat should be good. Its have a signature of Babe Ruth! Hey Fred its real signature of Babe Ruth? Fred:No but if you beat that guys hard they will not ask about this.

What sport does the koolaid man play?

Baseball. He's a pitcher.

A sports joke that can be changed to whatever your favorite sport rivalry is.

On the first day of school, a teacher tells her students that she is a Chargers fan.  She asks her students to raise their hands if they are a Chargers fan, too.  Everyone in the class raised their hand except one little girl.  The little girl said "I am a Raiders fan".

The teacher asked why ...

Why isn't Cinderella good at sports?

She runs away from the ball. Plus, her coach is a vegetable.

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a shotgun.

"It's for my husband," she tells the clerk

"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.

"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!"

What is plankton’s favourite sport?

Formula 1

What is Sean Connery's favourite sport, and what time does he like to play?

Tennish.

If self sabotage was a sport

I would find a way to lose.

What is the noisiest sport?

Racquetball

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When is Baseball a sexual sport?

When the batter drives it deep

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I need your very best knock-knock Jokes, clean or dirty for a sport my friends and I play. It needs to be able to make a complete stranger laugh.

Edit: I just thoguht of my favorite joke used in-game:
The joke teller, a girl on my team, was put on the phone with a young sounding guy:
Her: Knock knock
Him:Whos there?
Her:(Sexy voice) *Whoever you want it to be baby*
And then he laughed and she hung up. No Q for us!

**Doub...

If having low confidence and low self-esteem was an Olympic sport...

I would probably get bronze.

Did you hear about the new sports illustrated swimsuit edition coming out?

It’s gonna be nuts.

If competitive lumberjacking is a sport...

...then Pinocchio would be a hall-of-famer.

Have you guys tried the new sport of blindfold archery?

You don't know what you're missing.

Paintball is a very violent sport

It involves a lot of dyeing

What is cardboard's favorite sport?

**Boxing**

-brought to you by my 8-year-old son

What’s the most popular sport in Tamriel?

Molagball

What sport is played by angry french people?

Lacrosse

Why was the man unable to start a sporting goods store?

He didn’t have the balls

In which sports do waiters do really well?

Tennis. They are trained to serve well.

Which sport is more lame: frisbee, or curling?

Discus

If self-depreciation was a sport...

I'd probably be pretty rubbish at that too.

Camping is an extreme sport

It's in tents!

A blind man was describing his favorite sport-parachuting.

When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him.

“I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go.”

“But how do you know when you are going to land?”, he was asked.

“Well, I have a very keen...

Is clubbing a sport?

Depends how hard you’re hitting them

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Dick’s Sporting Goods and Kay Jewelers were merge, what would their slogan be?

Every Kiss begins with Dick’s?

Why is baseball not a proper sport?

Because it's not invariant under base change.

What’s a border patrol officers favorite sport?

Deportes

What is Jesus’s least favorite sport?

Basketball

Because he hates being crossed up

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bumped into an old school friend today

I bumped into an old school friend today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car.

Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?"

I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend."

He said...

A bunch of stoners were tasked with the job of inventing a new sport...

The result was just a bunch of misshapen llamas playing football.
When they asked the group of stoners why they decided this to be the new sport, they replied "we were just sitting there in silence for a long time and then someone said "alpaca bowl""

The finals of any sport World Cup is like cows on an airplane.

The steaks have never been higher.

I combined baseball and boxing and made a new sport.

It's called basebrawl.

Which sport is the quietest?

Bowling. You can hear a pin drop.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sporting Chance

Mr Corporate Businessman thinks his wife may be having an affair, so one day he decides to go home early to confirm his suspicions.

Sure enough, he finds his wife in bed with a fit, young tradesman.

Shocked but without hesitation, he calmly heads to his wardrobe to reveal a fully loade...

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