A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thro...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three sports fans leave a bar...

(Insert teams A, B and C as you like. This is how I know it.)

Three baseball fans walk out of a bar. They turn a corner and see a pair of legs sticking out from behind a bush. They push the bush aside and find a woman dead and completely naked. They call the police and as they wait, they deci...

What’s a Mexicans favorite sport?

Cross country

Jesus favorite sports?

Crossfit

Carolyn, a rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just won't move at all...

After trying to drive the car at night for a week (but without any luck), she furiously calls the Jaguar dealers and they send out a technician to her.

The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it.

So he turns to the blonde and asks, "Ma'am, are you sure you are usin...

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde’s drivers license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

“What does it look like?” She finally asked. The police women replied, “It’s square and it has your picture on it.”

The driver finally found a square mirror...

A lot of cities like to name their sports teams after their states major disasters

For example:

- Chicago Fire (Soccer)
- Colorado Avalanche (Hockey)
- Kansas City Tornadoes (Basketball)
- San Jose Earthquakes (Soccer)
- Miami Hurricanes (Football)
- New York City Jets (Football)

Original joke taken from a comment by u/toastytreats

The Golden State Warriors just suffered the second biggest sports collapse to date...

First probably has to go to Notre Dame.

If horse racing is the "sport of kings"

is drag racing the sport of queens?

What is Matthew McConaughey’s least favorite sport?

NASCAR. It’s just all lefts, all lefts, all lefts

Why are Canadians so good at sports?

They always bring their eh game

What's the one sport you're supposed to be bad at?

***Bad***minton!

I found an origami sports channel..

..but it's paper view only

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If sex would be a sport…

I would be an armwrestler.

A boss shows one of his employees his new sports car.

“That is amazing,” the employee responds.

“Isn’t it?” replies the boss. “And if you set your goals higher and work even harder this year, I can get an even better car next year.”

What is Jesus’s least favorite sport?

Basketball

Because he hates being crossed up

TIL that Sir Paul McCartney once turned down nearly $64 million to appear on an American talk show because he wanted to stay home and watch his favorite sport on TV.

It was *Ellen* or rugby.

What's the worlds fastest sport?

Quicket of course

What was George Bush’s favorite sports team?

The New York Jets

What is the most important sport in Mexico?

Cross-country

French person: Do you do sports?

Me: Wii

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed...

If laziness was an Olympic sport.

I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.

Person A: hey, does your dad like sports?

Person b: no, my dad hates sports

Dad: hey sport

Americans always get sports wrong.

Why would the Super Bowl have no bowling?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you know the average age of a professional curler is 45? Pretty much making the sport immune from performance enhancing drugs...

Unless they start testing for Viagra. Then the sport would be between a ROCK and a HARD PLACE.

What's an anti-vaxxer's favourite sport?

Water polio

If lazyness was an olympic sport

I would not have have signed up for it. Too much hazzle

What do you call a man who's spent all night drinking at a sports bar?

A cab.

What was George Gershwin's favorite winter sport?

Fissure jumping.

​

(and the cotton is high)

​

There should be a Olympic sport just for women

Name it “500m jump to conclusions”

Someone at a sports event says “In all of my years as a spud, I have never seen a play as amazing as that one”. Who was that someone?

The common tater

What's the Chinese minister for bowling sport's name?

Bo Ling

What's the Korean minister for bowling sport's name?

Bo Ling-Pin.

My son's favourite nursery rhyme taught me what strategy mice use to win sports games.

They like to run down the clock.

Losing my virginity was like school sports day...

I was bruised and bloody, but at least my father came.

Want to know Mexico's favourite sport ?

Cross Country

A bunch of stoners were tasked with the job of inventing a new sport...

The result was just a bunch of misshapen llamas playing football.
When they asked the group of stoners why they decided this to be the new sport, they replied "we were just sitting there in silence for a long time and then someone said "alpaca bowl""

A blonde rear-ended a sports car...

A blonde was driving and accidentally rear-ended a sports car. It wasn't much damage but it was enough to give the sports car a dent and scratched paint.

A large man got out of the sports car and was red with rage. He yelled at the blonde to get out of her car. She did, and the man drew a cir...

What's the difference between women, and an exotic sports car?

I've been inside exotic sports cars...... :(

What’s an Ewok’s favourite sport?

‪Endor football. ‬

We discussed concussions in Sports Medicine today

Talk about a headache

Why does Gordon Ramsey never bet on any sports events?

Because he never likes the steakes.

What do you call Christmas night when your favorite sports team finally wins?

The First No L

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch...

It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I ...

As an intolerant dyslexic sports enthusiast...

I really hate all transrefs coming between seasons in college football.

Is clubbing a sport?

Depends how hard you’re hitting them

What professional sport would be more fun to watch if the athletes drank alcohol during?

NASCAR

TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

A question asked to the Olympic boxing team regarding the dangers of their sport.

10% responded that boxing is dangerous to health, the remaining 90% did not understand the question.

My uncle decided to get involved in a sport as his health was failing.

But he took up bobsleigh and went downhill rapidly

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies.

Now I am good at everything.

If having low confidence and low self-esteem was an Olympic sport...

I would probably get bronze.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Yeah, saying the same thing as the sports commentator is good, but...

Have you tried sex?

What is Sean Connery's favourite sport and at what time does he like to play it?

Tennish...

For hundreds of years they were forced to work for us across our nation, tirelessly and without monetary compensation. They were whipped, and tied to wooden posts. Even today, they are exploited for sports and entertainment.

Man, horses must really hate us.

What do you call someone who thinks NASCAR is superior to any other racing sport?

A racist.

Golf is a dangerous sport

My wife returned home from a round of golf and said she’d been injured. She told me she’d be hit between the first and second holes.

To which I replied: “That doesn’t leave much room for a bandaid!”

Weightlifting is a tough sport

Others set the bar very high

Why is it so windy inside a sports arena?

All those fans

I think docking would make for a great spectator sport.

It’s really end to end.

What is an extreme sport?

Doing your homework while your teacher is collecting it.

What is the best sport to play before brunch?

Tenish

What’s the most popular sport in Tamriel?

Molagball

It’s a good thing the popular sports drink was invented at Florida instead of Florida State...

Because “Gatorade” is a much better name than “Seminole Fluid”.

If getting ordinary words confused with types of mushrooms was an Olympic sport...

I'd be world champignon.

Why were the geometry students so bad at sports?

Because they were really out of shape.

At a medical check-up: Do you do dangerous sports?

Well, sometimes I talk back at my wife.

What’s Mark Zuckerberg’s favourite recreational sport?

Fishing

A man gets in a fight with his wife

A man gets in an argument with his wife during dinner. After the meal, the husband furiously runs down to their wine cellar and opens a bottle of vintage wine. Magically, a genie comes out of the bottle and says "You have freed me. You now have three wishes. But you should know, whatever you wish fo...

What's the safest sport?

Pole vault.

Soccer is the only sport that's not a game of inches.

It's a game of feet.

Three guys die...

and Saint Peter stops them at the Golden Gates. He tells them, "Depending how faithful you were to your wife, depends what kind of car you drive across the Golden Bridge to heaven."

​

First guy says, "I was married 10 years and only cheated three times."

&#x200B;<...

My English teacher told this one to my whole class

So a guide in an university does a quick tour of the campus with new male students. She shows the science department, the arts and sports departments, and then she stops at the women’s dormitory.

“You guys are NOT allowed to go there, the first time we catch you in the women’s dormitory, the ...

What sports channel does Lando Calrissian watch?

BESPN

My boss showed up to work in a brand new sports car

“Wow, that is a really amazing car” I said to him

“Thanks” he replied, “If you work hard, strive for excellence, and always put in your hours, I’ll buy another one next year”

Which famous astrophysicist used to play sports?

Neil Lacrosse Tyson

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My favorite winter Olympic sport is women’s curling...

Because it’s the one time every four years I can yell, “sweep harder” at a woman, and no one thinks it’s because I’m a sexist pig.

EA Sports™ - It's in the game.

jk its in the dlc

Some people say that baseball is a boring sport, I just tell them that with a good pitcher...

Things can get out of hand pretty quickly.