What sports do an illegal immigrant play?

Deportes

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thro...

Your favourite sport says a lot about your life.

For example: rugby has a breakdown every ten seconds, and so do I.

A blind man was describing his favorite sport-parachuting.

When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him.

“I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go.”

“But how do you know when you are going to land?”, he was asked.

“Well, I have a very keen...

What is cardboard's favorite sport?

**Boxing**

-brought to you by my 8-year-old son

Jesus favorite sports?

Crossfit

I always presume that sports fans are sane and rational people, that is until they go streaking across the field

Then I see their nuts

What's a Mexican's favorite sport

Cross-country

What’s Mexico’s favorite sport?

Cross country

Camping is the best extreme sport

It's in tents

You know what the best part of organized sports is?

Yeah me either

Im 45 years old and I just bought my very first sports car. My girlfriend thinks I’m going through a midlife crisis.

But what would she know? She’s only 18.

What state loves a sport so much they named themselves after it?

It's tennis, see?

Carolyn, a rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just won't move at all...

After trying to drive the car at night for a week (but without any luck), she furiously calls the Jaguar dealers and they send out a technician to her.

The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it.

So he turns to the blonde and asks, "Ma'am, are you sure you are usin...

Why doesn’t cinderella play sports?

Because she has a pumpkin for a coach, and runs away from the ball.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who is bad at sports but likes to participate

A try athlete.



he he he

What is Al-Qaeda's favorite sports team?

The NY Jets.

What is Sean Connery’s favorite sport and when does he play it?

Tennish

What is Donald Trump and Ted Nugent’s favorite sports team?

The Dodgers.

(Low, low hanging fruit. My sincerest apologies.)

Why are Canadians so good at sports?

They always bring their eh game

A Sports Medicine Physician went to Wrestlemania one year to study the rate of concussions among the performers.

While backstage, he bumped into John Cena, and asked him if any of the matches qualified for Continuing Medical Education credit.

The Doctor of Thuganomics looked the physiatrist dead in the eyes; paused, then slowly replied: "No. You can't CME."

I asked Sean Connery, "What sport will you be playing tomorrow and when?"

He replied, "Ten(n)-ish."

Why is baseball not a proper sport?

Because it's not invariant under base change.

Did you hear about the man with a foot fetish that was terrible in sports?

He enjoys defeat.

If pessimism was a Olympic sport

I would still not win it.

I saw a sports car being driven by a scantily clad sheep

It was a Lamb-Bikini...

What does a frog wear when playing sports?

Lily Pads

What’s a full contact sport between sommeliers?

Riesling

Met a girl who was into sports

She said she was in a football team and had to prevent goals at all costs.



She was a keeper.

What do missionaries call heretics easily swayed with lavish sports cars?

Convertibles

Sports commentators are the least gullible people in the world

They never seem to believe anything that happens.

A hip young man goes out and buys a 2001 Ferrari 360 Spider. It is the best convertible sports car, costing about $250,000.

He takes it out for a spin and while stopping for a red light, an old man on a moped, wearing an open face crash helmet (looking about 70 years old) pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over the sleek, shiny red surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?" The youn...

If laziness was an Olympic sport.

I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde’s drivers license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

“What does it look like?” She finally asked. The police women replied, “It’s square and it has your picture on it.”

The driver finally found a square mirror...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My kitty ate a sports award. Would it be very bad to just wait and let him poop it out?

I'm thinking it would be a cat ass trophy.

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed...

TIL that Sir Paul McCartney once turned down nearly $64 million to appear on an American talk show because he wanted to stay home and watch his favorite sport on TV.

It was *Ellen* or rugby.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Golf is such a discriminatory sport

I grew up in the glory days of Tiger vs. Phil and I always admired what that man had overcome to get to the heights of the sport's mountaintops. He was just like me, except for my whole life, I'd never felt accepted on the golf course. People would give me weird looks when I'd try to play and the pe...

What's the one sport you're supposed to be bad at?

***Bad***minton!

A lot of cities like to name their sports teams after their states major disasters

For example:

- Chicago Fire (Soccer)
- Colorado Avalanche (Hockey)
- Kansas City Tornadoes (Basketball)
- San Jose Earthquakes (Soccer)
- Miami Hurricanes (Football)
- New York City Jets (Football)

Original joke taken from a comment by u/toastytreats

A bunch of stoners were tasked with the job of inventing a new sport...

The result was just a bunch of misshapen llamas playing football.
When they asked the group of stoners why they decided this to be the new sport, they replied "we were just sitting there in silence for a long time and then someone said "alpaca bowl""

What do you call it when an alligator gets an STD while drinking a sports drink?

Gator Aids

French person: Do you do sports?

Me: Wii

What is Jesus’s least favorite sport?

Basketball

Because he hates being crossed up

The Golden State Warriors just suffered the second biggest sports collapse to date...

First probably has to go to Notre Dame.

If horse racing is the "sport of kings"

is drag racing the sport of queens?

I found an origami sports channel..

..but it's paper view only

A boss shows one of his employees his new sports car.

“That is amazing,” the employee responds.

“Isn’t it?” replies the boss. “And if you set your goals higher and work even harder this year, I can get an even better car next year.”

What is Matthew McConaughey’s least favorite sport?

NASCAR. It’s just all lefts, all lefts, all lefts

If lazyness was an olympic sport

I would not have have signed up for it. Too much hazzle

What's an anti-vaxxer's favourite sport?

Water polio

What's the worlds fastest sport?

Quicket of course

What do you call a man who's spent all night drinking at a sports bar?

A cab.

Person A: hey, does your dad like sports?

Person b: no, my dad hates sports

Dad: hey sport

TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know the average age of a professional curler is 45? Pretty much making the sport immune from performance enhancing drugs...

Unless they start testing for Viagra. Then the sport would be between a ROCK and a HARD PLACE.

Americans always get sports wrong.

Why would the Super Bowl have no bowling?

There should be a Olympic sport just for women

Name it “500m jump to conclusions”

My son's favourite nursery rhyme taught me what strategy mice use to win sports games.

They like to run down the clock.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Losing my virginity was like school sports day...

I was bruised and bloody, but at least my father came.

Someone at a sports event says “In all of my years as a spud, I have never seen a play as amazing as that one”. Who was that someone?

The common tater

What's the Chinese minister for bowling sport's name?

Bo Ling

What's the Korean minister for bowling sport's name?

Bo Ling-Pin.

Why does Gordon Ramsey never bet on any sports events?

Because he never likes the steakes.

A blonde rear-ended a sports car...

A blonde was driving and accidentally rear-ended a sports car. It wasn't much damage but it was enough to give the sports car a dent and scratched paint.

A large man got out of the sports car and was red with rage. He yelled at the blonde to get out of her car. She did, and the man drew a cir...

As an intolerant dyslexic sports enthusiast...

I really hate all transrefs coming between seasons in college football.

If having low confidence and low self-esteem was an Olympic sport...

I would probably get bronze.

What's the difference between women, and an exotic sports car?

I've been inside exotic sports cars...... :(

My uncle decided to get involved in a sport as his health was failing.

But he took up bobsleigh and went downhill rapidly

What do you call Christmas night when your favorite sports team finally wins?

The First No L

What professional sport would be more fun to watch if the athletes drank alcohol during?

NASCAR

An old mathematician turns 89...

Soon after, his friends and family are astounded as he suddenly begins taking up a variety of sports, buying the newest things, and being as active as if he were in his twenties.
Before long, they approach him, asking about this behavior in spite of his age. The man responds "Well of course I'm...

A question asked to the Olympic boxing team regarding the dangers of their sport.

10% responded that boxing is dangerous to health, the remaining 90% did not understand the question.

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies.

Now I am good at everything.

For hundreds of years they were forced to work for us across our nation, tirelessly and without monetary compensation. They were whipped, and tied to wooden posts. Even today, they are exploited for sports and entertainment.

Man, horses must really hate us.

Is clubbing a sport?

Depends how hard you’re hitting them

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