The 82+ Best Sport Jokes

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58pm

He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Jack says, "You know what, I bet he...

Carolyn, a rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just won't move at all...

After trying to drive the car at night for a week (but without any luck), she furiously calls the Jaguar dealers and they send out a technician to her.

The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it.

So he turns to the blonde and asks, "Ma'am, are you sure you are usin...

It’s a good thing our favorite sports drink was invented at University of Florida…

If it was developed at Florida State University, Gatorade might have been called Seminole Fluid instead.

If laziness was an Olympic sport.

I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.

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Sport Balls

At age 25 men play basketball
At age 40 men play tennis
At age 60 men play golf

The moral of the story is the older you get the smaller your balls get

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Three sports fans leave a bar...

(Insert teams A, B and C as you like. This is how I know it.)

Three baseball fans walk out of a bar. They turn a corner and see a pair of legs sticking out from behind a bush. They push the bush aside and find a woman dead and completely naked. They call the police and as they wait, they deci...

TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

A sports car is driving in Amish country.

He skids on the road and crashes into a ditch. He gets out unharmed and looks at his car in dismay. A few minutes later an Amish man comes riding by in a horse and buggy. The Amish man stops and asks, "Would you like some help, English?". The man quickly says he would, and just as quickly the Am...

What is Mexico's national sport?

Cross Country

What is Bruce Wayne's favorite sport?

Batmanton.

What's a Philosophers favourite sport?

Discuss

What is the Mexican cartels favorite water sport?

Narco Cholo

Drag racing is my favorite sport

I'm just so amazed at how fast they can run in heels.

Rugby most be the most salacious sport there is....

It is the only sport that has hookers right on the field and involved in every play.

A sports joke that can be changed to whatever your favorite sport rivalry is.

On the first day of school, a teacher tells her students that she is a Chargers fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are a Chargers fan, too. Everyone in the class raised their hand except one little girl. The little girl said "I am a Raiders fan".

The teacher asked why ...

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A lad was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 180mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 180, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thro...

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I need your very best knock-knock Jokes, clean or dirty for a sport my friends and I play. It needs to be able to make a complete stranger laugh.

Edit: I just thoguht of my favorite joke used in-game:
The joke teller, a girl on my team, was put on the phone with a young sounding guy:
Her: Knock knock
Him:Whos there?
Her:(Sexy voice) *Whoever you want it to be baby*
And then he laughed and she hung up. No Q for us!

**Doub...

What’s an emo person’s favorite sport?

Jump rope.

I'm outfitting my boat for sport fishing.

Ship just got reels.

Though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player.

Love means nothing to them.

What is the National Sport of the United States of America?

Depends on which one is on TV right now.

If laziness was an Olympic sport...

I would be fourth so I wouldn't have to step up on the podium.

What Olympic sport will Ukrainians always beat Russian in?

The javelin thrown.

Reverse origami is my favorite sport

I love watching the action unfold.

Why are Canadians so good at sports?

They always bring their eh game

I am a little worried about the future of the sport of Olympic skiing.

It’s just going downhill.

Fast.

A man walks into a bar sporting the worst haircut you've ever seen...

"Give me two shots of Jack Daniels," he says to the bartender. "One for me, and one for you."

"You know I don't drink on the job," the bartender says, pouring the man a shot.

Downing the drink, the man replies, "And that's why I like you better than my barber."

What is a web developer's favorite sport?

<body> building

What's Vladimir Putin's favorite sport?

Cross-country

Which Olympic sport does Russia score highest in?

The javelin catch.

I’m ok with trans women competing in women’s sports

As long as I’m allowed to bet

What is China’s national sport?

Hard labour.

What is Sean Connery's favourite sport, and what time does he like to play?

Tennish.

What is a Mexicans favorite high school sport?

Cross country

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Good Sport...

Bruce is driving over Harbor Bridge one day listening to some music in his car and just having a really great day. Suddenly he notices his girlfriend Sheila standing on the side of the bridge.
Bruce slams on the brakes, bolts out of the car and shouts, "Sheila! What the hell are you doing, babe...

What summer sport is most popular with fit albinos?

Bleach volleyball.

Hockey seems like a women's sport....

It has periods and the players wear pads.

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4 Men at a bar discuss the most difficult sport to play. The first man, wide as a dishwasher and having huge muscles all over, says

“I’m a football player, it’s the hardest sport in the world to play! You’ve gotta be in top physical condition and have excellent situational awareness.”

The second man, an older gentleman wearing a collared shirt, says “Sorry champ, but the actual hardest sport to play is golf. Every swing o...

Did you know that University of Florida was not the first school to invent a hydrating sports drink with Gatorade?

Turns out Florida State couldn't make the marketing work for Seminole Fluid.

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a shotgun.

"It's for my husband," she tells the clerk

"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.

"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!"

If having low confidence and low self-esteem was an Olympic sport...

I would probably get bronze.

Did you hear about the new sports illustrated swimsuit edition coming out?

It’s gonna be nuts.

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If Dick’s Sporting Goods and Kay Jewelers were merge, what would their slogan be?

Every Kiss begins with Dick’s?

What's Sarah Palins favorite water sport?

Parah Salin.

A bunch of stoners were tasked with the job of inventing a new sport...

The result was just a bunch of misshapen llamas playing football.
When they asked the group of stoners why they decided this to be the new sport, they replied "we were just sitting there in silence for a long time and then someone said "alpaca bowl""

TIL that Sir Paul McCartney once turned down nearly $64 million to appear on an American talk show because he wanted to stay home and watch his favorite sport on TV.

It was *Ellen* or rugby.

What sport does the koolaid man play?

Baseball. He's a pitcher.

Why was the man unable to start a sporting goods store?

He didn’t have the balls

A sports store is showing off their new punching bags by having a contest to see who can hit them the hardest.

While everyone is waiting for their turn, St. Peter turns to a drunk and says, "I think I'm in the wrong joke."

The drunk replies, "Nope. Just the wrong punch line."

Do you do any sports?

- Yes, I do CrossFit
- CrossFit? what’s CrossFit?
- I cross my fingers and hope the clothes fit

Have you guys tried the new sport of blindfold archery?

You don't know what you're missing.

Why isn't Cinderella good at sports?

She runs away from the ball. Plus, her coach is a vegetable.

what do sport fans eat from?

a SOUPer bowl

My friend announced that he had invented a sport exclusively for animals with large, colourful beaks

I responded, “toucan play that game!”

The finals of any sport World Cup is like cows on an airplane.

The steaks have never been higher.

What's the most popular sport everywhere except for the US?

Cross country

Can throwing a round heavy object as far as you can be classed as a sport??

Discus

What is plankton’s favourite sport?

Formula 1

There’s such a gap between men’s and women’s sports.

The difference is nuts!

If self sabotage was a sport

I would find a way to lose.

A politician dies...

...and ends up at the pearly gates. St. Peter looks at him and finds his name in his book.

"So, you're a politician..."

"Well, yes. Is there a problem?"

"Oh no, there is no problem. But we have a policy for people in your profession, you have to spend a day each in heaven and he...

Two old men, who are growing very old and love the sport of baseball make a pact with each other one day...

These men love the game, they always talk the off-season trades, the winter meetings, watch every game of the season, and recollect on the players of their hay day. So they decide to form a pact. The first one to die will come back to the other and inform them if there is baseball in heaven.

...

What professional sport would be more fun to watch if the athletes drank alcohol during?

NASCAR

What’s the most popular sport in Tamriel?

Molagball

In which sports do waiters do really well?

Tennis. They are trained to serve well.

What sport is played by angry french people?

Lacrosse

A snail, who was tired of being slow, went and bought a sports car with a big S on each side

Whenever people saw him zooming past, they would say, “Hey, look at that S-Car Go”

What is the noisiest sport?

Racquetball

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When is Baseball a sexual sport?

When the batter drives it deep

Paintball is a very violent sport

It involves a lot of dyeing

A blind man was describing his favorite sport-parachuting.

When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him.

“I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go.”

“But how do you know when you are going to land?”, he was asked.

“Well, I have a very keen...

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A shepherd is tending to his flock when a man in a sports car pulls up.

The man is wearing a fancy suit and says, "My! What a large herd of sheep you have here! I would like to make a wager with you. If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have, you give me one of them."

The shepherd is intrigued and agrees.

The fancy man gets on his phone and makes...

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A gold one

Man walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot for only $50. Standing next to the cage the man asks, "I wonder why he is so cheap?" "Because I am defective," came the reply. "I've got no legs." A little surprised the man asked, "Well how do you stay on your perch?" The parrot draws him closer and whisp...

I saw a billboard the other day for a sports team called the Chicago Fire.

it made me wonder just how long it takes before you can name a team after a tragedy.

it'd be like naming a football team "the New York Jets."

Which sport is more lame: frisbee, or curling?

Discus

Unique sport tool

Gangsters come into sport shop and says:Hey Fred we need to beat some guys up! Fred:Hmmm this baseball bat should be good. Its have a signature of Babe Ruth! Hey Fred its real signature of Babe Ruth? Fred:No but if you beat that guys hard they will not ask about this.

I'm regularly asked to be a photomodel for sports magazines, man's health, dietary topics etc.

I'm the guy in the "before" pictures.

A man returns to work sporting a black eye after lunch

His coworker asked him if he got in a fight during his lunch break, and he says no, he was randomly punched by a guy after he asked him which food line he was standing in. The coworker asks if this happened in the line for the ramen shop, but he shakes his head and replies, "No, pho queue."

What state loves a sport so much they named themselves after it?

It's tennis, see?

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My favorite winter Olympic sport is women’s curling...

Because it’s the one time every four years I can yell, “sweep harder” at a woman, and no one thinks it’s because I’m a sexist pig.

I just sports car being driven by a sheep wearing a swimsuit.

I think it was a lamb bikini

What is cardboard's favorite sport?

**Boxing**

-brought to you by my 8-year-old son

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