A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thro...

What state loves a sport so much they named themselves after it?

It's tennis, see?

Why doesn’t cinderella play sports?

Because she has a pumpkin for a coach, and runs away from the ball.

Jesus favorite sports?

Crossfit

What is Sean Connery’s favorite sport and when does he play it?

Tennish

What is a Mexican’s favourite sport?

Cross-country

I asked Sean Connery, "What sport will you be playing tomorrow and when?"

He replied, "Ten(n)-ish."

A Sports Medicine Physician went to Wrestlemania one year to study the rate of concussions among the performers.

While backstage, he bumped into John Cena, and asked him if any of the matches qualified for Continuing Medical Education credit.

The Doctor of Thuganomics looked the physiatrist dead in the eyes; paused, then slowly replied: "No. You can't CME."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three sports fans leave a bar...

(Insert teams A, B and C as you like. This is how I know it.)

Three baseball fans walk out of a bar. They turn a corner and see a pair of legs sticking out from behind a bush. They push the bush aside and find a woman dead and completely naked. They call the police and as they wait, they deci...

What is Donald Trump and Ted Nugent’s favorite sports team?

The Dodgers.

(Low, low hanging fruit. My sincerest apologies.)

Camping is an extreme sport

It's in tents!

What’s a Mexicans favorite sport?

Cross country

If pessimism was a Olympic sport

I would still not win it.

I saw a sports car being driven by a scantily clad sheep

It was a Lamb-Bikini...

Why are Canadians so good at sports?

They always bring their eh game

What is China's national sport?

Homework

Carolyn, a rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just won't move at all...

After trying to drive the car at night for a week (but without any luck), she furiously calls the Jaguar dealers and they send out a technician to her.

The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it.

So he turns to the blonde and asks, "Ma'am, are you sure you are usin...

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde’s drivers license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

“What does it look like?” She finally asked. The police women replied, “It’s square and it has your picture on it.”

The driver finally found a square mirror...

Did you hear about the man with a foot fetish that was terrible in sports?

He enjoys defeat.

Met a girl who was into sports

She said she was in a football team and had to prevent goals at all costs.



She was a keeper.

A hip young man goes out and buys a 2001 Ferrari 360 Spider. It is the best convertible sports car, costing about $250,000.

He takes it out for a spin and while stopping for a red light, an old man on a moped, wearing an open face crash helmet (looking about 70 years old) pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over the sleek, shiny red surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?" The youn...

Sports commentators are the least gullible people in the world

They never seem to believe anything that happens.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Golf is such a discriminatory sport

I grew up in the glory days of Tiger vs. Phil and I always admired what that man had overcome to get to the heights of the sport's mountaintops. He was just like me, except for my whole life, I'd never felt accepted on the golf course. People would give me weird looks when I'd try to play and the pe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My kitty ate a sports award. Would it be very bad to just wait and let him poop it out?

I'm thinking it would be a cat ass trophy.

What do missionaries call heretics easily swayed with lavish sports cars?

Convertibles

If horse racing is the "sport of kings"

is drag racing the sport of queens?

The Golden State Warriors just suffered the second biggest sports collapse to date...

First probably has to go to Notre Dame.

TIL that Sir Paul McCartney once turned down nearly $64 million to appear on an American talk show because he wanted to stay home and watch his favorite sport on TV.

It was *Ellen* or rugby.

If laziness was an Olympic sport.

I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.

What is Jesus’s least favorite sport?

Basketball

Because he hates being crossed up

What is Matthew McConaughey’s least favorite sport?

NASCAR. It’s just all lefts, all lefts, all lefts

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed...

A lot of cities like to name their sports teams after their states major disasters

For example:

- Chicago Fire (Soccer)
- Colorado Avalanche (Hockey)
- Kansas City Tornadoes (Basketball)
- San Jose Earthquakes (Soccer)
- Miami Hurricanes (Football)
- New York City Jets (Football)

Original joke taken from a comment by u/toastytreats

French person: Do you do sports?

Me: Wii

A bunch of stoners were tasked with the job of inventing a new sport...

The result was just a bunch of misshapen llamas playing football.
When they asked the group of stoners why they decided this to be the new sport, they replied "we were just sitting there in silence for a long time and then someone said "alpaca bowl""

A boss shows one of his employees his new sports car.

“That is amazing,” the employee responds.

“Isn’t it?” replies the boss. “And if you set your goals higher and work even harder this year, I can get an even better car next year.”

I found an origami sports channel..

..but it's paper view only

What was George Bush’s favorite sports team?

The New York Jets

What's the worlds fastest sport?

Quicket of course

If lazyness was an olympic sport

I would not have have signed up for it. Too much hazzle

What's an anti-vaxxer's favourite sport?

Water polio

What do you call a man who's spent all night drinking at a sports bar?

A cab.

Person A: hey, does your dad like sports?

Person b: no, my dad hates sports

Dad: hey sport

There should be a Olympic sport just for women

Name it “500m jump to conclusions”

What was George Gershwin's favorite winter sport?

Fissure jumping.



(and the cotton is high)

Americans always get sports wrong.

Why would the Super Bowl have no bowling?

My son's favourite nursery rhyme taught me what strategy mice use to win sports games.

They like to run down the clock.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Losing my virginity was like school sports day...

I was bruised and bloody, but at least my father came.

TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

A blonde rear-ended a sports car...

A blonde was driving and accidentally rear-ended a sports car. It wasn't much damage but it was enough to give the sports car a dent and scratched paint.

A large man got out of the sports car and was red with rage. He yelled at the blonde to get out of her car. She did, and the man drew a cir...

Why does Gordon Ramsey never bet on any sports events?

Because he never likes the steakes.

What's the difference between women, and an exotic sports car?

I've been inside exotic sports cars...... :(

What's the Chinese minister for bowling sport's name?

Bo Ling

What's the Korean minister for bowling sport's name?

Bo Ling-Pin.

If having low confidence and low self-esteem was an Olympic sport...

I would probably get bronze.

We discussed concussions in Sports Medicine today

Talk about a headache

What professional sport would be more fun to watch if the athletes drank alcohol during?

NASCAR

As an intolerant dyslexic sports enthusiast...

I really hate all transrefs coming between seasons in college football.

My uncle decided to get involved in a sport as his health was failing.

But he took up bobsleigh and went downhill rapidly

Is clubbing a sport?

Depends how hard you’re hitting them

A question asked to the Olympic boxing team regarding the dangers of their sport.

10% responded that boxing is dangerous to health, the remaining 90% did not understand the question.

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies.

Now I am good at everything.

For hundreds of years they were forced to work for us across our nation, tirelessly and without monetary compensation. They were whipped, and tied to wooden posts. Even today, they are exploited for sports and entertainment.

Man, horses must really hate us.

A worried husband calls the police, his wife is missing.

Husband:
My wife is missing.
She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home...

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know...

I think docking would make for a great spectator sport.

It’s really end to end.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yeah, saying the same thing as the sports commentator is good, but...

Have you tried sex?

What do you call someone who thinks NASCAR is superior to any other racing sport?

A racist.

What is an extreme sport?

Doing your homework while your teacher is collecting it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch...

It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I ...

What’s the most popular sport in Tamriel?

Molagball

Why is it so windy inside a sports arena?

All those fans

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