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Offense Jokes

What's the NFL's No.1 Offense?

Domestic Violence.

My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!

Man, that sentence was way too long!

Blonde joke (no offense meant )

A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas.

When the man told her it would cost $200, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money." But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."

The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect). "Anything?" he...

If you're going to take offense...

would it be chain link or picket ?

I take strong offense with anyone saying the Republican Party has no standards now.

In fact, they have double standards.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An irate woman bursts through the doors of a bar, angrily screaming, "All lawyers are assholes!" This enrages a patron at the end of the bar, who stands up and shouts, "Hey! I take offense to that!"

"Why?" she asks, sneering at him, "You a lawyer or something?"

"No," he retorts, "I'm an asshole!"

I feel like castrating someone should be a federal offense.

It is male theft after all.

No offense against anyone....

But at least my defense is top tier.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A human couple meets an alien couple

So naturally, they decide it would be fun to swap partners. The alien woman goes off with the human man and the alien man goes off with the human woman. The alien man and human woman get undressed and he asks her, "Is it long enough?" She replies, "It could be a bit longer I suppose." So the alien m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar... (No offense jewish people)

and sees another man sitting down having a drink that looks exactly like Adolf Hitler. The man goes and sits down at the bar next to the fellow that looks like Hitler and asks, "Are you Hitler?"
The man replies, "Yes! I am Adolf Hitler! I am the man that killed six million jews and one canadian."...

A blonde and a brunette are on an elevator...

And a short man with dandruff gets on and then comes off on the next floor.


The brunette goes, "Wow, that guy could really use some Head and Shoulders."

The blonde says, "How do you give shoulders?"




No offense anyone...hehe

The Chiefs’ defense isn’t doing well against the Patriots’ offense...

Reminds me of colonial times.

2 ladies are walking their dogs. One has a big black lab, the other has a chihuahua. They pass a bar and the lab owner says “Let’s get a beer.”

The chihuahua walker complains, “We can’t take our dogs in there.”

The first responds, “Watch me.”

The lab owner strolls in with her dog and orders a beer.

The bartender tells her, "Sorry, you can't bring your dog in here."

“He's my seeing eye dog," the woman replies f...

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