A couple is reading in their living room after dinner, and the husband announces that he had a rough day at work and is going to skip going to his bowling league that night.

The wife nods and goes back to reading her magazine, but keeps glancing at the living room clock. About twenty minutes later the kitchen phone rings, the wife starts to get up to answer it, but the husband tells her he’s closer, so he walks into the kitchen and answers the phone.

“What??? I d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little League Sportsmanship

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, 'Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?' The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

'Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?' The litt...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A strip club joke

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a w...

After many years of fighting crime as batman

Bruce Wayne finally got married and had a son. His son turned out to be brilliant at investing, especially in bitcoin, making Wayne Enterprises one of the biggest companies on the planet.

All this time, Bruce had been training him, and when the time was right, Bruce introduced his son to the ...

In Zack Snyders Justice League, Barry Allen breaks a window simply by touching it.

This is because windows no longer supports Flash.

I wanted to start a hide-and-seek league...

...but good players are hard to find.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between a vibrator and the 12 European Super League club owners?

The European Super League owners are real dicks.

The members of the newly-formed Justice League were introducing themselves to each other.

S: “I’m Superman; I can fly, move at super speed, and have super strength.”

B: “I’m Batman; I’m the world’s greatest detective, master of many martial arts, and have gadgets that can do almost anything.”

GL: “I’m Green Lantern; my emerald bling can create constructs of anything I can i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Arsenal are gutted at the collapse of the European Super League

They were really looking forward to the possibility of finishing as high as 12th place

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ivy League School Principal, Mr. Marquez, and Community College Principal, Mr. Davidson, were arguing that their respective students were the most fearless.

Ivy League school principal called his students and asked them to jump in sea full of sharks.

They jumped.

Principal said: “See the guts…”

Community College principal called his students and asked them to jump.

They said: "Have you completely lost your marbles, Mr. Davids...

Liverpool have won the league, the government is paying people not to work....

Somewhere there's a scouser with a genie in a lamp wondering what to do with his last wish

What do you call a league with only two superheroes in it?

The Just Us League

TIL that Jules Verne did not write Twenty Thousand Leagues under the Sea

He wrote at a desk like a sensible person would.

I remember when I was a kid, you could go to a store with $1 and buy 2 bags of chips, a large pop, 4 candy bars, and a pack of big league chew!

Nowadays they have cameras everywheres.

It’s so hot

I’m sweating like a Catholic priest watching the Little League World Series.

The girl I like really loves orange soda. Sadly, she's way out of my league.

Is this a Crush, or just a Fanta-sy?

English premier league - football

What does Guardiola do with the Manchester City team during half time ?

He gives a Pep talk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend is very involved in the German Blackbird Racing league

My friend Hans is very involved in the German Blackbird Racing league. He's always whooping and hollering at every race, and now most of his friends call him "Woo!". Despite his enthusiasm for the sport, he's not very creative. He mostly just numbers his birds, and never takes our advice on names....

Do you know the reason all the bat boys in major league baseball are replaced when they turn 18?

Because otherwise you'd have to call him Batman.

TIL Dennis Rodman once tried to start a topless women’s basketball league

The league flopped due to too little support.

Why are Americans so bad at playing league of legends?

Because they can’t defend their towers.

So, I asked out a really fine lady who was WAY out of my league, she says, “I wouldn’t date you if you were the last person on Earth...”

“Well, DUHHHH, you’d be dead.”

The Ivy-league Linguist

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.

However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negati...

A high-school girls soccer team hires a new coach, Coach Bill. When Coach Bill is hired the girls are in last place.

Coach Bill starts a whole new regimen for practices, including new workouts, new drills and after 2 weeks of this he introduces a new herbal supplement he asks the girls to start taking daily.

A week later the girls win their first game of the season. Then another one, and another one... In f...

You play League of Legends AND World of Warcraft??

Wow, Lol.

It's appropriate that Cyborg from the Justice League is black,

Considering that he's only 3/5 of a person.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Happy Endings...

There's a middle aged guy - getting a bit fat and bald now, got a gimpy leg so he's walking with a cane - his wife just gave up trying to get horny and sent him out to find his fun somewhere else.

So he arrives at a brothel he'd heard about - pretty tall, a townhouse, very plain looking outsi...

My wife asked me how Wonder Woman got her new sword in the Justice League movie...

I told her that she must have Amazon Prime

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, two guys emigrate from Afghanistan to the US

They say, let's meet in 10 years and see who has become more American. 10 years pass and they meet. One guy says " Today I mowed the lawn, took my son to little league, and went to McDonalds. Let's see you top that." The other guy says "you fucking rag head."

A baseball manager calls up a Chinese rookie from the minor leagues

The player shows up before his first game and goes to take batting practice. The manager sees him walking to the batter's box with a frying pan sitting on his head. He says "You can't wear a frying pan in the batter's box, son. You need a helmet."

The player responds: "This is my lucky frying...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wonderwoman was sunbathing naked on top of the justice league tower...

Superman was flying over and he had the idea that "hey I'm quick as lightning, I could go down there and have sex with her really quick then be out of there in a second." So he flies down, gets the job done and flies off. Wonderwoman jumps up and goes "what the hell was that?" Invisible man replies ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Justice League has a vacancy and the number 7 is interviewing to fill a superhero position...

Batman: Thank you for coming, 7. Its been rough since the Flash took off and we're having a hard time finding someone to replace him. Let's get right to it. What is your first power?


Number 7: Well, for my whole life I've been in prime condition and I don't anticipate that changing anytim...

My 8 year old son was in the garden playing football today, he tripped over his own feet and lay on the floor for 5 minutes, screaming and thrashing like he'd been beaten up.

I'm so proud of him, he's going to be in the Premier League one day :')

1978: UK's prince marries, Liverpool wins the Champions League, the Pope dies.

2005: UK's prince marries, Liverpool wins the Champions League, the Pope dies.

2018: UK's prince marries, Liverpool is in the Champions League final, and the Pope is cheering for Real Madrid like a madman.

A goalkeeper hosted a celebratory dinner at his house after his team won the league championship.

Before dinner, he asked the coach to say grace. The coach concluded his prayer by saying, “We ask that you bless this food in the name of the father, and of the son, and of the goalie host.”

In the time of the Holy Roman Empire

There was a chronic shortage of hay with which to feed the Army's horses. So much so that the Emperor issued a mandate that restricted its use, even going as far as cutting in half the width of all brooms.

This became standard use and over time no one questioned it. With the exception of lowl...

I went on a date with a girl who was clearly out of my league.

But she'd heard that I was going to see a movie she wanted to see, and we made a date of it.

On the way over I thought I might get lucky so I went to the drug store and bought a box of condoms.

When I stopped at her house, her family invited me to dinner. I asked if I could say the b...

Jungle animals started a softball league...

The teams are separated by species.

A colorful long beaked bird, not sure where to go, asked an old monkey umpire, where his team was playing.

He replied, "Mongoose vs snakes are on field 1, ants vs frogs play on field 2..."

"Quit monkeying around", the bird chuckled, "I just wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New English premier league football (soccer) joke that I learnt today.

What does an Arsenal player do when he wins the champions league?











He turns off the PlayStation.



P.S. XD. Now I haven't supported or watched football in many years, but this joke got me.

Lil Bruce Wayne, he played little league baseball...

He was the batboy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As told by the 80-something year-old man at golf league.

My wife and I were driving home from dinner one night when I hit a small animal. "Pull over and see if it's all right." my wife insisted. Turns out that I had hit a baby skunk. My wife, an animal lover, picked up the hurt baby skunk and told me to drive to the animal hospital. As we were driving, sh...

I've just started a Marsupial Fighting League

I've called it "Mortal Wombat"

Dr Horrible got a great deal on getting into the Evil League of Evil

It only cost him a Penny

Why do the french hate League of Legends?

They have to wait 20 minutes before surrendering

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Driving is like League of Legends

Everyone but me is fucking terrible.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard KFC is sponsoring the cock fighting little league.

Can’t wait to see those chick contenders.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is playing in his cricket league's final, and is just about to bowl when he notices a funeral procession walking past.

He immediately stops, takes off his cap, and bows his head until they pass.

"That was real sportsmanship you showed there." the Umpire tells him at the end of the match.

"Well it was the least I could do," replies the man. "It was my wife's funeral."

I felt betrayed when my girlfriend joined a softball league without telling me

Of all the underhanded things...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Was at the bar flirting with a woman way out of my league (NSFW)

Trying to brag I told her I had a penis she'd remember the rest of her life.

She asked "Does it look like 12 inches?"

I said, "No, but it smells like a foot."

If anyone's interested, my buddy has tickets for Champions League Final match (26th of May) in Kiev, Ukraine

He bought the tickets, but the damned fool forgot he was getting married that weekend. Anyone up for taking this off his hands?


The girl's name is Catherine and she's really lovely.

In 1981 the british prince got married, liverpool won the champions league and the pope died. In 2005 the british prince got married again, liverpool won the champions league and the pope died. In 2018...

Prince Harry got married and liverpool was in tje finale again but in favor of the pope Real Madrid won the cup.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does NA never do well at worlds in League of Legends?

Cuz Americans are shit at defending towers

A Texan went to an ivy league party on the East coast...

...and there's this group of fancy ladies standing around.

"Howdy," he said. "Which school did y'all go to?"

"Oh... Yale," one of them replied daintily.

'WHICH SCHOOL DID Y'ALL GO TO?!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Classic Ivy League joke

Visitor in Harvard Square: "Excuse me, where's the library at?"

Harvard student: "Sir, this is Harvard. We don't end our sentences with prepositions."

Visitor: "Oh, I'm sorry. I meant to ask, where's the library at, asshole?"

Complaint from 3017: These children's long-term zero gravity soccer leagues are raising weak adults.

Every kid gets atrophy.

What do you call people who design icons in League of Legends?

Lolicons.

What did people call Iron Man after he started playing "League of Legends?"

The Toxic Avenger.

Who should be blamed for the cold streak in Texas?

The Texans -
League championships (0)
Conference championships (0)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day Superman is flying over the Justice League building...

and he looks down to see Wonder Woman sprawled out on her back, naked, tanning.

"Wow she is so hot, if only I can have a chance at that!" He exclaimed to himself. Suddenly a thought occurred to him...

"Wait, I am Superman! I can fly down there and have sex with her and fly off so fast ...

Did you hear that Nightblue3 and Eminem played League of Legends together yesterday?

Eminem got one shot

Did you all hear about the new snail racing league?

Yeah, it's called NASCARGOT

Little known fact about William Tell

We all know William Tell for his archery skills, but did you know he was also an avid bowler? His whole family bowled actually, and there was even a league in his area. At the time Joining a team was a difficult , daunting task, but by some fortune he and several relatives made the same team. Unfort...

A joke from my brother:

A boy was playing Rocket League and was partnered with a player called Osama_king2014. The partner was not very good at the game. He was so bad, he caused the boy to leave in frustration.
The boy’s younger brother, who was watching, the said: Y’know, for a guy named Osama, he’s not very good at s...

Met a really hot girl last night, but my buddies we're telling me "Forget her, dude, she's way out of your league".

I'm going "Oh, you think she's too pretty for me?". They're saying "No not that, it's just that she's in the Minors".

Toyota and Ford decided to do a rowing competition

They both got their best teams together and had them compete. The result was a disaster for Ford. The Toyota rowing team beat them by leagues.

Ford had a crisis meeting, hired the best analysts and consultants, and after half a year they came up with a conclusion: The Toyota rowing boat had ...

Why did Plastic Man get kicked out of Justice League?

He was accused of rubbery

The International League of Bakers is inviting countries which mainly export baked goods to join.

They're accepting dough nations.

What do you call a heroin addict-turned Harvard student?

IV League

I hate when people say "She's out of your league"

Just because I'm in the majors, and she's a minor. Doesn't mean it can't happen.

What Major League Baseball team would Donald Trump play for?

The Dodgers.

Three Star Wars nerds enter a bar...

They sit down and have a drink. One notices a really beautiful woman at the end of the bar. She is clearly out of his league, but he says he's going to hit that and gets up and starts to walk over to her. The other two watch for a second and then see the woman start laughing in his face.

The...

My school did a performance called League of Legends.

It was a play on wards.

An upset parent walks up to the coach of a local minor league's baseball team, "Excuse me, sir, but don't you think 'The Browns' is a racist name to have for the team?"

The coach replies, "what? No, the name is simply because the uniforms are brown. In fact, to avoid any signs of racism with the name, we don't allow any brown people on the team."

What's the difference between the Justice League reshoots and unlocking all the heroes in Battlefront 2?

One was only slightly cheaper than the other.

Why does the National Football League deserve Tax-Exempt Status even though it generated at least $9 billion in revenue last season?

Because it is just as real as the other religions.

What super hero league would Caitlyn Jenner be a member of?

The X men!

An old man attends his grandson's little league game

He buys a Coke and hotdog. He sits at the top of the bleachers and puts his Coke and hotdog down. As he is about to unwrap the hotdog he hears someone yell HEY CLARENCE!. The old man grabs his Coke and hotdog and stands. He looks around but doesn't see anyone. He sets his Coke and hotdog down and si...

I once made an error in little league,

When I signed up to play.

Why is Donald Trump not a fan of League of Legends?

Because there's too much Faker news.

The Social Justice League doesn't have a Batmobile

They have a tumbler.

An Irish Whaler (Long)

There was once an Irish whaler. Like Ahab, he had a particular nemesis whom he had hunted most of his life. Old and gnarled, he declared one more quest to vanquish his foe before descending into his Mother Earth.

Unlike Ahab however, revenge was not his only motive. This particular whale a...

Two great football fanatics, Andy and Stevie, were discussing the chances of football being played in Heaven.

They couldn't see how any self-respecting Heaven would not have football - but yet, they weren't quite sure. Finally they agreed that the one who died first would come back and tell the other if they played football in Heaven or not.

Not long afterwards, Andy was run over by a bus and killed...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.