Where do hockey players go to get another uniform?

New Jersey

2 hockey players were fighting on the rink. Both were swinging at each other full strength. Until one lands a nice right hander to the jaw and the hockey player lands face first onto the ice. A player on the bench says

"at least he got ice on it right away."

Before the ball could touch the floor, I kicked it back, sending it soaring past the other players and into the top corner of the net. Overcome with emotion, I ripped off my shirt and punched the air. My eyes locked with my stunned coach, who came running towards me shaking his head in amazement.

As he embraced me, he sighed, "OK, let's go over the rules of volleyball one last time."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are golf players bad at sex?

Because they try to finish with as few strokes as possible.

Why are guys always looking at girl guitar players?

They're checking out their G-Strings

What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick?

Hockey players take thier pads off after three periods.

In today’s European Championship soccer match, several players from the Czech Republic were seen slipping on the grass repeatedly in their loss to Denmark, while their Danish opponents didn’t seem to have an issue at all.

Must be an issue with Czechs and balances.

Why do birds make bad basketball players?

They're always committing fowls.

I’m about to reveal a secret to being an excellent guitar player

Stay tuned

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The coach grimaced as he watched his young ice hockey team. At one point during the game, he called one of his 7-year-old players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded affirmatively...

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded once more.

"So..." the coach continued. "I'm sure you know that when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-...

A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he snuck across the border.

He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:

"What h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man in Melbourne walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of cabbage. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter...

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old bastard outside wants to buy half a head of cabbage."

As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man had followed and was standing right behind him, so the boy quickly added, "...and this gentleman kindly o...

Two professional limbo players walk into a bar.

You really would’ve thought they’d have ducked.

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A recent symphony performance

During a recent performance of Beethoven's 9th symphony, the two bass violin players become bored because there is a long period where they have nothing to do. One invites the other to go across the alley to a bar. One drink leads to another. Finally one says they need to get back, but the other say...

Why do piano players make great lovers.?

They get the fingering right.

I met some chess players in the hotel lobby bragging about how good they were

It was chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

A friend asked me to name all nba players

I politely refused and told him they already have names

After an embarrassing loss, the coach announced to the players:

“When I told you to play like you have never played before, i did not mean that you should play like you have never *played* before!”

What do you call a boat full of polite football players?

A good sportsman ship



I'm sorry

Why don’t football players wear glasses?

It’s a contact sport.

Tony Dungy visits Bill Belicheck to try and learn the Patriots secrets.

He asks Bill about how he always wins no mater what is going on.

Bill calls Tom Brady into his office and asks him "who is you father's brother's nephew?"

Brady responds "Me"

Bill turns to Tony and says "see you, need smart players"

The next day at practice Tony calls ove...

I’m not a player, I’m a gamer. Players get chicks.

I get bullied at school.

Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?

They dribble all the time.

What do controllers and your mom have in common?

They both get smashed by COD players

Why do tennis players not ever get married?

They think that love means nothing.

How many D&D players does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them. Never split the party.

What to blm protestors and cod players have In common?

They both hate people who use riot shields

Did you hear about the group of Kansas City football players who all contracted skin infections while smoking marijuana?

The Joint Chiefs of Staph

I’ve made a website for depressed tennis players…

The servers are currently down...

Golf players aren't real althletes.

They've got small balls.

I refuse to listen to music on new types of music players.

I guess I just have an 8-track mind.

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