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Players Jokes

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Why are chess players good in bed?

They can find up to 8 G spots for their queen.

What do you call a boat full of polite football players?

A good sportsman ship



I'm sorry

How many D&D players does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them. Never split the party.

Why do basketball players struggle to get women pregnant?

Because they dribble so much before they shoot.

I’ve made a website for depressed tennis players…

The servers are currently down...

Three bass players walk into a bar.

They’re actually in the middle of performing Beethoven’s 9th symphony, but there’s a long section near the end where the basses don’t play, so they decide to go to the bar next door and grab a drink.

To know when to come back for the end of the symphony, the bassists tie a string to the condu...

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old football players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

“Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?”

The little boy nodded yes.

“So,” the coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when a penalty is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, atta...

Everyone knows of Yao Ming, one of the most iconic basketball players of his generation.

Far lesser known was his sister Rai, one of the preeminent female poets of her generation.

What do Zoologists and Chess players both get excited over?

Mating patterns

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Sorry, tuba players...

A father decides to put his son in a music class. The teacher assigns him the tuba and the dad goes home, leaving his kid there.

When the child comes home, the dad asks "What did you do today?"

The child said "I learned how to play the C Note!"

The next day, the dad asks "What ...

Why do chess players search for love in Central Europe?

They prefer Czech mates

Which NFL players swear the most?

The offensive linemen

Why can’t snooker players become actors?

They’ll miss their cue.

Whilst in the pub my friend asked me to name just 3 Qatar players?

I said George Harrison, Eric Clapton and Jimi Hendrix

When complementing viola players, please please please for the love of god do NOT call it a violin!

That's a violation.

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Beavis & Butt-Head would be great soccer players

Watching them fail to score is actually amusing.

Why are all cribbage players bottoms

Because they love pegging

We should all be afraid of fiddle players

Everyday they wake up, and chose violins

If tennis players get tennis elbow, and squash players get squash knees, what do gynecologists get?

Tunnel Vision

What is a common phrase that both poker players and cannibals say?

Just finish the hand!

Why can't football players wear glasses?

It's a contacts sport

Where do trumpet players hang out after work?

Hornpub

Why do tennis players suck at relationships?

Because love means nothing to them.

Never date a tennis player

She’ll drop a deuce when you least expect it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When do hockey players like to have sex?

Between periods.

I'm trying to organize a hide and seek tournament but it's really difficult... Good players are hard to find."

but it's really difficult... Good players are hard to find

Some Swedish tennis players come into this world born human, some born machine ...

and some bjorn borg.

How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five; one to actually change the lightbulb and four to stand around watching saying "I could do it better than him."

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I heard that Fortnite put a limit of three outfits for players in Isreal.

Jews aren't allowed to have four skins.

"Have the double reed players arrived?" the conductor asked...

The flautist responded, "Not yet... Bas-soon."

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Why are golf players bad at sex?

Because they try to finish with as few strokes as possible.

Why do piano players make great lovers.?

They get the fingering right.

Why do birds make bad basketball players?

They're always committing fowls.

What's the Difference between NHL Players and the Jersey Shore Girls?

NHL Players shower after three periods.

How do baseball players know when to bathe?

Foul balls

How do chess players stay in shape?

They lift rooks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Typical bass players

A prominent orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. At one point in the final movement of the symphony, there is a long stretch--over 20 minutes--where the basses don't play a note. So, rather than just sit there, the section leader suggested that they sneak out of the orchestra and go ...

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A lawyer, a priest, and an engineer meet each week for a game of golf.

One day, they get stuck behind the slowest group of players they had ever seen. They were hitting the balls all over the place, getting stuck in just about every trap and patch of rough, and missing just about every putt.

Finally, the group gets frustrated and heads to the clubhouse to find ...

Where do hockey players go to get another uniform?

New Jersey

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do prostitutes and MLB players have in common?

They both catch balls for a living.

I met some chess players in the hotel lobby bragging about how good they were

It was chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

I’m not a player, I’m a gamer. Players get chicks.

I get bullied at school.

Two limbo players walked into a bar.

They lost.

Golf players aren't real althletes.

They've got small balls.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which instrument players are the sexiest?

Violinists. No matter what, their G strings are always sharp af.

Why are guys always looking at girl guitar players?

They're checking out their G-Strings

What’s the difference between Basketball players and Soccer players?

Basketball players get actual injuries.

I got kicked out of a B League baseball game for heckling the players

When they approached me I asked them “Are you telling me I’m outta here?!”

What to blm protestors and cod players have In common?

They both hate people who use riot shields

A little-known college basketball rule is that players are not allowed to own more than five pet chickens.

They will be ejected from a game if they have more than five personal fowls.

After an embarrassing loss, the coach announced to the players:

“When I told you to play like you have never played before, i did not mean that you should play like you have never *played* before!”

Two professional limbo players walk into a bar.

You really would’ve thought they’d have ducked.

Why are Australians such confident baseball players?

They’re always being told “good eye”


Yes I realize this is stupid :)

What happens to football players who go blind?

They become referees

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