What’s the difference between being in prison and playing on a basketball team?

On a basketball team, your guards won’t leave you hanging.

What's a basketball player's favorite doughnut shop?

Dunkin' Donuts!

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan

Why was Cinderella kicked off the basketball team?

She kept running away from the ball.

Why can’t you play basketball with a sovereign citizen?

They are always traveling

Why is jesus bad at basketball?

Because the romans crossed him up

Why do birds make bad basketball players?

They're always committing fowls.

God and Satan arranged a basketball game between Heaven and Hell.

"I know for a fact we are gonna win," said God. "We have all the best players up here...Wilt Chamberlain, Moses Malone, Kobe Bryant, and so on."

"I wouldn't count on that, God," said Satan. "You see, down here, *we* have all the referees."

Basketball sued Tennis for no reason

Now they have to go to court

Why was Cinderella a lousy basketball player?

She had a pumpkin for a coach.

A Scientologist, a Catholic, and a Mormon are talking about their families.

The Scientologist jokes, "I've got 4 kids. One more and I'll have a basketball team!" The Catholic joins in and says, "Well I've got 10 kids, and one more I'll have a football team!". The Mormon speaks up and deadpans. "I've got 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."

What do you call a metal basketball player?

LeBronze

A woman wearing a dirty basketball jersey walks into a bar. She lifts her arm, showing everyone her hairy armpit. "Would any of you men like to buy me a beer?" she asks.

One man, who has drunk at least fourteen beers already, says, "I'd like to buy the ballerina a beer!"

The bartender says, "Look, sir, I have met many women over the years. Some were more tomboyish than girly, others more girly than tomboyish, but none as tomboyish as this woman. For example, ...

An engineering student, a geometry major, and a star basketball player are trapped on a desert island

They’re debating how to get off the island or get rescued. The engineering student looks around and sees only a few palm trees and some coconuts.

“We need to cut down the trees and make a raft to sail away on.” He says and starts designing.

“We need a basketball to pass the time.” Th...

Did you know Steven Spielberg and John Williams play basketball together?

He shoots, he scores!

My dad played basketball for Penn State!

My bad, I meant state pen.

My tennis career has taught me that I can be the best basketball player ever

Nothing but net

Told my daughter basketball season was postponed because of the virus...

She said "they should ban baseball instead". Asked her why and she goes "wasn't this all caused by bats?"

When basketball stars die they don't pass away

...they cross over

RIP Mamba :(

I'm starting a group to play basketball and then discuss philosophy

It's called "shoot first, ask questions later"

Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?

They dribble all the time.

Michael Jordan is wheeled into the hospital for emergency surgery.

He’s brought into the operation room and meets his doctors, but he notices something strange. In the corner, there’s a stage being set up. An anesthesiologist is repeating jokes to herself and wiping her brow. The MRI techs are handling a soundboard in the back. The head surgeon is tuning a guitar b...

Why’d the chicken cross the basketball court?

He heard the ref was blowing fouls.

Basic Psychology

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrol...

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So like, this guy was drinking beer and watching a basketball game on TV

while his wife was outside mowing the grass. He went out and asked "What are you going to make for dinner?" She said "How dare you ask me that! I'm doing all the work while you're sitting around. Pretend I'm out of town and make your own dinner!" So the guy cooked a T-bone steak and while he was eat...

Why do basketball players love cookies?

Because they can dunk them!

So I gave a blind guy a basketball.

I think he's still trying to read it...

Why can't basketball players go on vacation?

They aren't allowed to travel

Why wouldn’t they let the stoner on the basketball team?

Because he couldn’t jump high

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why are black people so good at basketball?

because they practice

What do you call a shrimp that's really good at basketball?

Leprawn James

Why was the basketball court all wet?

Because the players kept dribbling all over it.

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Satan challenges God to a basketball game, so God puts together a choice team from heaven and goes down to hell.

When they come back to heaven, it's with shocking news: they lost the game 52 to 140!

The Virgin Mary is stunned, "How could you possibly lose the game with a team like yours?! Didn't you have the best saints, the most generous souls, the philanthropists and Jesus himself??"

"Yes," fum...

Smartest president

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.

The 1st passenger said, 'I am LeBron James, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die.' So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2...

Basketball hasn’t changed one bit...

WNBA games are still empty.

How did the guy with no hair do during his basketball game?

Oh, he bald.

Why did the rooster go to the basketball game?

He heard that they blow fouls there.

I couldn't figure out why the basketball kept getting larger and larger

Then it hit me.

A basketball player, a Mexican, and a terrorist are all on a plane. Long

The plane is going super slow so they all got rid of some weight. The basketball player said, "I have a ton of basketballs, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. The Mexican said, "I have a ton of tacos, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. The terrorist said, "I h...

The anti-vaxx basketball team lost every game this season

Apparently they never take any shots.

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Low wage workers play basketball. Tradesmen go bowling. Middle managers play softball. Upper managers play tennis. CEOs play golf.

The lesson: the higher you climb, the smaller your balls get.

Today I donated my old basketball hoop to a school for the blind.

It will be missed.

α and β played a 1v1 basketball match

β won, because it was Beta.

What is the urologist’s favorite part in basketball?

The dribbles

TIL Dennis Rodman once tried to start a topless women’s basketball league

The league flopped due to too little support.

If you rush a circumcision to be able to watch the start of a basketball game

You are quickly taking the tip off not to miss the tip off

Why redditors on r/jokes love basketball?

They are fans of Kobe and paste

When I was a young, I loved basketball and was a huge Michael Jordan fan. But I wasn't sure if I had enough talent to become a pro player. Until one day I saw this huge poster. In the poster Jordan points at me and the caption reads "JUST DO IT". I got tears in my eyes and decided "I will do IT! ".

That's how I became a web developer.

What do you call the basketball move where you drink too much alcohol and score?

SlamDrunk!

What does prostate cancer patient have in common with a basketball player?

They both dribble

The portly bald wizard just made a basketball appear out of thin air.

He must be a sportscaster.

Making Love to a Woman is a Lot Like Playing Basketball

Well, they're similar in the sense that I've done neither.

Why hasn't Africa ever won Olympic gold in basketball?

Because Africa isn't a country.

In basketball, what is it called when you lose due to a wildly thrown buzzer-beater?

Defeat-us by yeetus

My 5 year old grandson came up with this joke, and didn't even realize it was funny and made sense: Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom?

Because he was dribbling. 😊

A man is playing basketball with his son...

“Son, if you can make this shot, I’ll get you a new amp for that guitar you play. But if you miss, you have to eat this bag of sand. What’ll it be? &?”

If a jockey wears jockey shorts, and a basketball player wears basketball shorts, what kind of shorts does the President wear?

Depends

What’s the difference between a French woman and a basketball team?

A basketball team actually showers after 4 periods.

I tried out for basketball

But I didn't make the team because I'm failing English and the coach says I have terrible Hyundai coordination.

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Sex is like basketball

You dribble a little before you shoot.

What did the Devil Worshiping basketball player say?

Baal is life

What do Jewish people and basketball games have in common?

The tip off.

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The story of Rolph Louie, the worst basketball player to ever make it to the NBA.

There was once a basketball player named Rolph Louie, who somehow made his way into the Chicago Bulls. This decision to pick up Rolph for the roster made no sense to anybody; it baffled the commentators, the fans and even the players on the team. Rolph could barely dribble a ball...

In 99% of...

Binghamton University's Athletic Director compared the mens basketball team to a zoo. The Binghamton Zoo responded with the following letter:

I am tired of hearing that blight on Binghamton University, the men's basketball team, being referred to as a "zoo." The Binghamton Zoo at Ross Park has just received re-accreditation by the Association of Zoos and Aquariums, the industry's governing authority. We achieved this status by being in th...

"The players are all idiots!" says my baby sister watching basketball.

"Why do they keep trying to throw the ball?" she asks.

"The basket has a **hole** in it!"

A jewish boy's life is a lot like a game of basketball

They both begin with a tip-off

So the Devil goes to God and says "We're having a basketball tournament."

Then God says "Hold up, give me one second."

I went to a Syracuse University basketball game. The president showed up.

The secret service got confused and started guarding the mascot.

Love is like basketball...

I’m not good at it.

What do you get when you cross a professional basketball player with a geographer?

The horses name was friday

They always asked me if I play basketball because I was tall.

They stopped asking me that when I asked them if they play mini golf.

Three men are sitting around

Three men are sitting around drinking and they begin to brag to each other. The first man says “I have 4 sons at home. If I have one more I’d have a basketball team.” The second man laughs and says “That’s nothing! I have 10 sons at home. One more and I’d have a football team.” The third man speaks ...

A team of black inmates play basketball against a team of white inmates in prison. The black inmates win. Why?

Home court advantage.

Basketball players don't like to leave their home town

We hate travelling so much.

What did the cheeze say when he scored in basketball ?

Swiiisssssss

The blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court

The game would be cancelled.

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A priest and a nun decide to play basketball together...

They walk towards the basketball field and start a free shots challenge.

The nun shoots the ball and scores a point.

It's the priest's turn: he shoots the ball but misses the basket. Being angry he shouts "fucking God, I missed it".

The nun is astonished and says "Sir, please yo...

A brawl took place in a basketball game. A judge came in and used his gavel to stop it.

He brought order in the court

I was playing basketball with my 13 year old son and I beat him.

I probably wouldn't have if he hadn't won.

Why did the fish refuse to play basketball?

He was afraid of the net.

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Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym.

His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

W...

Did you hear about the wheelchair basketball team that was banned from the Paralympics?

They all tested positive for WD-40!

Toronto missed out on an opportunity to call their basketball team the torontosaurus rexes

Boo me, I deserve it

When flat-earth people play basketball they must be like...

"Yo pass me the frisbee bro!"

Blind basketball players...

You've got to hand it to them

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What did the basketball player get when he went to Russia looking for free prostitutes?

Nothing but nyet.

Today, I passed a basketball to a blind kid...

When he gave it back a while later, he said it was a really good book.

What’s the difference between Basketball players and Soccer players?

Basketball players get actual injuries.

Which fast food chain would be a good basketball player?

Dunkin' Donuts

Two basketball recruits are taking a college entrance exam.

The coach says,” men all you have to do is finish this sentence and you’re admitted to school. “

He continues, “Old MacDonald had a _____?”

One of the jocks thinks for a moment and proudly says,” Old MacDonald had a farm.”

The other says, “Yea but how do you spell farm?”

...

Why hasn’t columbine won a basketball championship since 1999?

They lost their best shooters

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Sex is like basketball:

I'm 5'3" and don't play a lot of basketball.

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(A little long) There was a man who had just been booked into prison for the first time and was visibly nervous

A veteran inmate who has been there a while saw the newbie and went over and said “Hey, I can tell you’re new here and you’re nervous but prison is alright.”


The newbie responded “yeah?”


“Of course,” responded the vet. “Like for example do you like golfing?”


The new...

Why is Jesus afraid of basketball?

Because he was traumatized when he got crossed real hard

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What's the difference between a nazi and a basketball?

You're not supposed to kick the basketball.

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