What’s the difference between being in prison and playing on a basketball team?

On a basketball team, your guards won’t leave you hanging.

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Satan challenges God to a basketball game, so God puts together a choice team from heaven and goes down to hell.

When they come back to heaven, it's with shocking news: they lost the game 52 to 140!

The Virgin Mary is stunned, "How could you possibly lose the game with a team like yours?! Didn't you have the best saints, the most generous souls, the philanthropists and Jesus himself??"

"Yes," fum...

Told my daughter basketball season was postponed because of the virus...

She said "they should ban baseball instead". Asked her why and she goes "wasn't this all caused by bats?"

God and Satan arranged a basketball game between Heaven and Hell.

"I know for a fact we are gonna win," said God. "We have all the best players up here...Wilt Chamberlain, Moses Malone, Kobe Bryant, and so on."

"I wouldn't count on that, God," said Satan. "You see, down here, *we* have all the referees."

What's a basketball player's favorite doughnut shop?

Dunkin' Donuts!

A basketball player, a Mexican, and a terrorist are all on a plane. Long

The plane is going super slow so they all got rid of some weight. The basketball player said, "I have a ton of basketballs, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. The Mexican said, "I have a ton of tacos, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. The terrorist said, "I h...

A woman wearing a dirty basketball jersey walks into a bar. She lifts her arm, showing everyone her hairy armpit. "Would any of you men like to buy me a beer?" she asks.

One man, who has drunk at least fourteen beers already, says, "I'd like to buy the ballerina a beer!"

The bartender says, "Look, sir, I have met many women over the years. Some were more tomboyish than girly, others more girly than tomboyish, but none as tomboyish as this woman. For example, ...

Why did the rooster go to the basketball game?

He heard that they blow fouls there.

What does prostate cancer patient have in common with a basketball player?

They both dribble

Basketball hasn’t changed one bit...

WNBA games are still empty.

Basketball players are afraid of themselves.

They don't like great heights

α and β played a 1v1 basketball match

β won, because it was Beta.

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

He heard the ref was blowing fouls.

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So like, this guy was drinking beer and watching a basketball game on TV

while his wife was outside mowing the grass. He went out and asked "What are you going to make for dinner?" She said "How dare you ask me that! I'm doing all the work while you're sitting around. Pretend I'm out of town and make your own dinner!" So the guy cooked a T-bone steak and while he was eat...

I couldn't figure out why the basketball kept getting larger and larger

Then it hit me.

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.



The 1st passenger said, 'I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die.' So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, 'I am the newly-elected US President, and I am the...

Today I donated my old basketball hoop to a school for the blind.

It will be missed.

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why are black people so good at basketball?

because they practice

The portly bald wizard just made a basketball appear out of thin air.

He must be a sportscaster.

Why are coronavirus patients bad at basketball?

They always travel

Why do basketball players love cookies?

Because they can dunk them!

In basketball, what is it called when you lose due to a wildly thrown buzzer-beater?

Defeat-us by yeetus

If you rush a circumcision to be able to watch the start of a basketball game

You are quickly taking the tip off not to miss the tip off

Why redditors on r/jokes love basketball?

They are fans of Kobe and paste

TIL Dennis Rodman once tried to start a topless women’s basketball league

The league flopped due to too little support.

The German National Basketball team just signed an exclusive sponsorship deal with Nike

From now on the only sneakers they'll be wearing are Herr Jordan's

When basketball stars die they don't pass away

...they cross over

RIP Mamba :(

Why can't basketball players go on vacation?

They aren't allowed to travel

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Kids in my neighbourhood love to play basketball

Being shitty throws, I am usually assaulted by a wild ball every time I pass by the court.

So yesterday I decided to devise a plan to prevent that. I spent the whole day at work thinking of a solution but couldn't think of any.

Then while returning home, it hit me.

What do you call the basketball move where you drink too much alcohol and score?

SlamDrunk!

So the Devil goes to God and says "We're having a basketball tournament."

Then God says "Hold up, give me one second."

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A fat guy decides to lose some weight

He heard that a company is running a special weight-loss program. Curious, he decided to sign up for a session.


He is taken to a basketball court. Standing in the middle of the court is a naked woman with a sign around her neck.


"If you catch me, you can fuck me in the ass....

why are basketball players who suck at dribbling a high risk for covid 19?

because they've traveled recently

So I gave a blind guy a basketball.

I think he's still trying to read it...

Why did the basketball player with corona virus got kicked from the team?

Because he started to travel too much.

Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?

They dribble all the time :)

What’s the difference between a French woman and a basketball team?

A basketball team actually showers after 4 periods.

How many ADHD kids does it take to change a light bulb?

so.. um, wanna play basketball?

What did the Devil Worshiping basketball player say?

Baal is life

The anti-vaxx basketball team lost every game this season

Apparently they never take any shots.

When I was a young, I loved basketball and was a huge Michael Jordan fan. But I wasn't sure if I had enough talent to become a pro player. Until one day I saw this huge poster. In the poster Jordan points at me and the caption reads "JUST DO IT". I got tears in my eyes and decided "I will do IT! ".

That's how I became a web developer.

Why did Cinderella fail at basketball?

because she ran away from the ball

I went to a Syracuse University basketball game. The president showed up.

The secret service got confused and started guarding the mascot.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

...Juan on Juan

A man is playing basketball with his son...

“Son, if you can make this shot, I’ll get you a new amp for that guitar you play. But if you miss, you have to eat this bag of sand. What’ll it be? &?”

My 5 year old grandson came up with this joke, and didn't even realize it was funny and made sense: Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom?

Because he was dribbling. 😊

Binghamton University's Athletic Director compared the mens basketball team to a zoo. The Binghamton Zoo responded with the following letter:

I am tired of hearing that blight on Binghamton University, the men's basketball team, being referred to as a "zoo." The Binghamton Zoo at Ross Park has just received re-accreditation by the Association of Zoos and Aquariums, the industry's governing authority. We achieved this status by being in th...

Why is Cinderella so bad at basketball?

Her coach is a pumpkin.

Why can’t dinosaurs play basketball?

Because they are dead

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Low wage workers play basketball. Tradesmen go bowling. Middle managers play softball. Upper managers play tennis. CEOs play golf.

The lesson: the higher you climb, the smaller your balls get.

When flat-earth people play basketball they must be like...

"Yo pass me the frisbee bro!"

What do you get when you cross a professional basketball player with a geographer?

The horses name was friday

What movies teach us:

AMERICAN MOVIES TEACH US:

1. Chinese have nothing better to do than teaching or practice Kung Fu.

2. More than 50% of U.S. population are FBI/CIA agents, working undercover.

3. The purpose of school system of U.S. is to promote basketball / baseball.

4. Aliens have specia...

Why hasn't Africa ever won Olympic gold in basketball?

Because Africa isn't a country.

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The story of Rolph Louie, the worst basketball player to ever make it to the NBA.

There was once a basketball player named Rolph Louie, who somehow made his way into the Chicago Bulls. This decision to pick up Rolph for the roster made no sense to anybody; it baffled the commentators, the fans and even the players on the team. Rolph could barely dribble a ball...

In 99% of...

Basketball players don't like to leave their home town

We hate travelling so much.

What did the cheeze say when he scored in basketball ?

Swiiisssssss

A team of black inmates play basketball against a team of white inmates in prison. The black inmates win. Why?

Home court advantage.

Toronto missed out on an opportunity to call their basketball team the torontosaurus rexes

Boo me, I deserve it

Which fast food chain would be a good basketball player?

Dunkin' Donuts

Love is like basketball...

I’m not good at it.

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Sex is like basketball

You dribble a little before you shoot.

Why was Cinderella cut from the basketball team?

She kept running from the ball...

Why did the fish refuse to play basketball?

He was afraid of the net.

What do you get when you cross a talented basketball player, and an untrustworthy royal vizier?

Kareem Abdul-Jafar; although these days I hear he's a magical genie who dabbles in writing Sherlock Holmes novels.

If a jockey wears jockey shorts, and a basketball player wears basketball shorts, what kind of shorts does the President wear?

Depends

My two Mexican friends decided to see who's the best at basketball

They played Juan on Juan

A jewish boy's life is a lot like a game of basketball

They both begin with a tip-off

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A priest and a nun decide to play basketball together...

They walk towards the basketball field and start a free shots challenge.

The nun shoots the ball and scores a point.

It's the priest's turn: he shoots the ball but misses the basket. Being angry he shouts "fucking God, I missed it".

The nun is astonished and says "Sir, please yo...

Did you hear about the wheelchair basketball team that was banned from the Paralympics?

They all tested positive for WD-40!

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What did the basketball player get when he went to Russia looking for free prostitutes?

Nothing but nyet.

A study of different American’s choice of sport

Now this is profound:

It is very interesting looking over data of different socioeconomic groups in America and the different types of recreation they partake in, and what it means about them as a group.

Poor people tend to play basketball.

Working Class tend to play football<...

No matter how old you are or what team you're rooting for, I think we can all agree that every basketball fan looks up to Shaquille O'Neal.

Like literally, you have to look up to him.

Today, I passed a basketball to a blind kid...

When he gave it back a while later, he said it was a really good book.

Which super hero is the best at basketball? (Infinity War Spoilers)

Spider-Man, he has the best fade-away.

What’s the difference between Basketball players and Soccer players?

Basketball players get actual injuries.

What do Jewish people and basketball games have in common?

The tip off.

My father is really good at basketball

He always told me "I've been Duncan all my life"

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Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym.

His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

W...

The blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court

The game would be cancelled.

Two basketball recruits are taking a college entrance exam.

The coach says,” men all you have to do is finish this sentence and you’re admitted to school. “

He continues, “Old MacDonald had a _____?”

One of the jocks thinks for a moment and proudly says,” Old MacDonald had a farm.”

The other says, “Yea but how do you spell farm?”

...

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A circus is looking for new acts so they place an advert in the local paper

A few days later the circus' agent gets a phone call. "Hi I'm Jeff!" says the caller "I saw your advert and it sounds like my dream! I think I'm definitely talented enough to be in the circus!"

"Well ok Jeff, tell me about yourself, what's your skill?" says the agent

"I can skateboard!...

I was playing basketball with my 13 year old son and I beat him.

I probably wouldn't have if he hadn't won.

I invited my flat-earther friend to play basketball.

I invited my flat-earther friend to play basketball.
He brought a frisbee with him.

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A woman visited an Amazonian tribe on a research trip...

She spent several days taking notes on the lifestyle and habits of the tribe and interviewing their ruler, King Paolo, via an interpreter. As the tribe's land was near several rich gold mines, the king and his people were extremely wealthy.

During the woman's time with him, the king fell hop...

Basketball players are the most upstanding members of society

They really are people to look up to.

They always asked me if I play basketball because I was tall.

They stopped asking me that when I asked them if they play mini golf.

A basketball champion in Paralympic walks into a bar

Wait a minute...

Been watching basketball lately, and I gotta say I can hardly tolerate Kevin Durant.

He stinks compared to his brother, Deo.

Blind basketball players...

You've got to hand it to them

What do you call a shark that plays basketball?

A Sharq.

Why wouldn't Jesus Christ be a good basketball player?

Because he'd get crossed up

I played basketball with a friend yesterday

You know you're bad at basketball when you start off playing horse and end up playing pig... At one point we considered just playing Pi, but then it would never end!!

Basketball tournament

Two priests joined up together to play one-on-one basketball. After the game was over, one of the priests says: "I wonder if there is basketball in heaven"

The other says "of course there is, heaven is a place of joy and since we both find joy in playing basketball it must be in heaven"
...

Why is Jesus afraid of basketball?

Because he was traumatized when he got crossed real hard

What do you call a white guy with 5 black guys

Basketball Coach.

What do you call a white guy with 10 black guys, football coach

What do you call a white guy with 250 black guys?
Warden

Why hasn’t columbine won a basketball championship since 1999?

They lost their best shooters

Why does jesus get nervous when playing basketball?

He's afraid of getting crossed up.

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