What’s the difference between being in prison and playing on a basketball team?

On a basketball team, your guards won’t leave you hanging.

Where is a basketball player's favorite place to eat?

Dunkin' Donuts

Why are coronavirus patients bad at basketball?

They always travel

TIL Dennis Rodman once tried to start a topless women’s basketball league

The league flopped due to too little support.

Making Love to a Woman is a Lot Like Playing Basketball

Well, they're similar in the sense that I've done neither.

So the Devil goes to God and says "We're having a basketball tournament."

Then God says "Hold up, give me one second."

Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?

They dribble all the time :)

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Kids in my neighbourhood love to play basketball

Being shitty throws, I am usually assaulted by a wild ball every time I pass by the court.

So yesterday I decided to devise a plan to prevent that. I spent the whole day at work thinking of a solution but couldn't think of any.

Then while returning home, it hit me.

Today I donated my old basketball hoop to a school for the blind.

It will be missed.

What do you call the basketball move where you drink too much alcohol and score?

SlamDrunk!

what do you call 2 Mexican people playing basketball

juan on juan

Why'd the chicken cross the basketball court?

The ref was calling fowls.

I went to a Syracuse University basketball game. The president showed up.

The secret service got confused and started guarding the mascot.

When basketball stars die they don't pass away

...they cross over

RIP Mamba :(

So I gave a blind guy a basketball.

I think he's still trying to read it...

The college basketball team at Indiana University had just finished their worst season in school history.

The head coach, Bob, knew the team needed a different approach next year.

In the off season, Bob was driving around town when he saw a panhandler at a stoplight, and realized that this panhandler was around college age, and looked close to 7 feet tall. Bob stopped his car to talk to him and ...

What’s the difference between a French woman and a basketball team?

A basketball team actually showers after 4 periods.

I tried out for basketball

But I didn't make the team because I'm failing English and the coach says I have terrible Hyundai coordination.

An airplane was about to crash..

There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said “I am Stephen Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can’t afford to die.” So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said...

Why can't basketball players go on vacation?

They aren't allowed to travel

I hear that Mr. Worldwide often gets called out in basketball.

He’s always trying to travel.

Why did Cinderella fail at basketball?

because she ran away from the ball

If you rush a circumcision to be able to watch the start of a basketball game

You are quickly taking the tip off not to miss the tip off

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While playing in my local basketball rec league, I once thought that my next game would be against the Boston Celtics.

I was proven wrong once the game started and I got a good look at the opponents. They wore grey instead of green. Likewise, Kemba Walker, Jayson Tatum, Gordon Hayward, and Jaylen Brown were nowhere to be found.

Instead, I found myself face-to-face with a bunch of stinky, over-weight neckbea...

When I was a young, I loved basketball and was a huge Michael Jordan fan. But I wasn't sure if I had enough talent to become a pro player. Until one day I saw this huge poster. In the poster Jordan points at me and the caption reads "JUST DO IT". I got tears in my eyes and decided "I will do IT! ".

That's how I became a web developer.

The anti-vaxx basketball team lost every game this season

Apparently they never take any shots.

A man is playing basketball with his son...

“Son, if you can make this shot, I’ll get you a new amp for that guitar you play. But if you miss, you have to eat this bag of sand. What’ll it be? &?”

"The players are all idiots!" says my baby sister watching basketball.

"Why do they keep trying to throw the ball?" she asks.

"The basket has a **hole** in it!"

Binghamton University's Athletic Director compared the mens basketball team to a zoo. The Binghamton Zoo responded with the following letter:

I am tired of hearing that blight on Binghamton University, the men's basketball team, being referred to as a "zoo." The Binghamton Zoo at Ross Park has just received re-accreditation by the Association of Zoos and Aquariums, the industry's governing authority. We achieved this status by being in th...

Basketball players don't like to leave their home town

We hate travelling so much.

Why is Cinderella so bad at basketball?

Her coach is a pumpkin.

Excuse me miss...

...basketball be hard for a one-eyed pirate.

When flat-earth people play basketball they must be like...

"Yo pass me the frisbee bro!"

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A woman visited an Amazonian tribe on a research trip...

She spent several days taking notes on the lifestyle and habits of the tribe and interviewing their ruler, King Paolo, via an interpreter. As the tribe's land was near several rich gold mines, the king and his people were extremely wealthy.

During the woman's time with him, the king fell hop...

A team of black inmates play basketball against a team of white inmates in prison. The black inmates win. Why?

Home court advantage.

Why can’t dinosaurs play basketball?

Because they are dead

Toronto missed out on an opportunity to call their basketball team the torontosaurus rexes

Boo me, I deserve it

Which fast food chain would be a good basketball player?

Dunkin' Donuts

What do you get when you cross a professional basketball player with a geographer?

The horses name was friday

Love is like basketball...

I’m not good at it.

Gotta Rep the Brands Baby

A pro basketball player walks into a bar. He eventually strikes up a conversation with a woman who is drinking all by herself.

After a couple hours they end up going back to her place for a little alone time.

As he takes off his shirt, she notices a Nike tattoo on his chest. When she a...

What did the cheeze say when he scored in basketball ?

Swiiisssssss

Why did the fish refuse to play basketball?

He was afraid of the net.

What do you get when you cross a talented basketball player, and an untrustworthy royal vizier?

Kareem Abdul-Jafar; although these days I hear he's a magical genie who dabbles in writing Sherlock Holmes novels.

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The story of Rolph Louie, the worst basketball player to ever make it to the NBA.

There was once a basketball player named Rolph Louie, who somehow made his way into the Chicago Bulls. This decision to pick up Rolph for the roster made no sense to anybody; it baffled the commentators, the fans and even the players on the team. Rolph could barely dribble a ball...

In 99% of...

My 5 year old grandson came up with this joke, and didn't even realize it was funny and made sense: Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom?

Because he was dribbling. 😊

My two Mexican friends decided to see who's the best at basketball

They played Juan on Juan

A jewish boy's life is a lot like a game of basketball

They both begin with a tip-off

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A priest and a nun decide to play basketball together...

They walk towards the basketball field and start a free shots challenge.

The nun shoots the ball and scores a point.

It's the priest's turn: he shoots the ball but misses the basket. Being angry he shouts "fucking God, I missed it".

The nun is astonished and says "Sir, please yo...

Did you hear about the wheelchair basketball team that was banned from the Paralympics?

They all tested positive for WD-40!

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Low wage workers play basketball. Tradesmen go bowling. Middle managers play softball. Upper managers play tennis. CEOs play golf.

The lesson: the higher you climb, the smaller your balls get.

Why was Cinderella cut from the basketball team?

She kept running from the ball...

Why can’t basketball players have kids?

Because they always dribble before they shoot

What’s the difference between Basketball players and Soccer players?

Basketball players get actual injuries.

If a jockey wears jockey shorts, and a basketball player wears basketball shorts, what kind of shorts does the President wear?

Depends

Two basketball recruits are taking a college entrance exam.

The coach says,” men all you have to do is finish this sentence and you’re admitted to school. “

He continues, “Old MacDonald had a _____?”

One of the jocks thinks for a moment and proudly says,” Old MacDonald had a farm.”

The other says, “Yea but how do you spell farm?”

...

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Sex is like basketball

You dribble a little before you shoot.

celebrating pi day isn't as fun as watching basketball

I once watched a month full of march madness. From behind the arc I saw a three point won four.... won five games.

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Balls of Age

People who play basketball are 20. People who play baseball are 30. People who play golf are 60. Notice how when u grow older, your balls get smaller?

Today, I passed a basketball to a blind kid...

When he gave it back a while later, he said it was a really good book.

My father is really good at basketball

He always told me "I've been Duncan all my life"

Why hasn't Africa ever won Olympic gold in basketball?

Because Africa isn't a country.

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Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym.

His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

W...

Why is Jesus afraid of basketball?

Because he was traumatized when he got crossed real hard

Three friends are chatting while having a drink

The first one says "My wife just gave birth to our fourth son, just one more and I can start a basketball team."

The second one says "I got you beat, my wife just gave birth to our tenth son, just one more and I can start a soccer team."

The third one then replies "That's nothing, my ...

I invited my flat-earther friend to play basketball.

I invited my flat-earther friend to play basketball.
He brought a frisbee with him.

A basketball champion in Paralympic walks into a bar

Wait a minute...

I was playing basketball with my 13 year old son and I beat him.

I probably wouldn't have if he hadn't won.

Been watching basketball lately, and I gotta say I can hardly tolerate Kevin Durant.

He stinks compared to his brother, Deo.

What do Jewish people and basketball games have in common?

The tip off.

Why wouldn't Jesus Christ be a good basketball player?

Because he'd get crossed up

I played basketball with a friend yesterday

You know you're bad at basketball when you start off playing horse and end up playing pig... At one point we considered just playing Pi, but then it would never end!!

Basketball tournament

Two priests joined up together to play one-on-one basketball. After the game was over, one of the priests says: "I wonder if there is basketball in heaven"

The other says "of course there is, heaven is a place of joy and since we both find joy in playing basketball it must be in heaven"
...

The blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court

The game would be cancelled.

A rapper named MC-Anarchy, or MC-A for short, has been feeling upset lately...

MC-Anarchy, a rapper who goes by the name MC-A for short, has been depressed lately. He has stopped doing shows, stopped releasing music, and a lot of people were under the impression that he has quit for good.

It had been weeks since someone had last seen him exit his house, until one day he...

They always asked me if I play basketball because I was tall.

They stopped asking me that when I asked them if they play mini golf.

What do you call a shark that plays basketball?

A Sharq.

Why does jesus get nervous when playing basketball?

He's afraid of getting crossed up.

Why did Obama have a basketball court built in the white house?

So he could fake left and go right.

A Baptist a Catholic and a Mormon were talking about their families. . .

The Baptist says “I have 4 kids, just one more and I’ll have a basketball team.” The Catholic says “That’s nice but I have 10 kids, one more and I’ll have a football team.” The Mormon says “Well, I have 17 wives, one more, and I’ll have a golf course.”

What’s a Jew’s Favorite Part of basketball?

Free throws

Blind basketball players...

You've got to hand it to them

What do an angry bunny and a pro basketball player have in common?

Mad hops.

Why would Indians make great basketball coaches?

They invented Curry

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There’s a store near my house that sells nothing but basketballs and alcohol.

They call it Rubber Balls and Liquor.

Basketball team and a woman shipwrecked on a deserted island...

After a week a woman said: "I'm sick of this" and killed herself.

After a second week a random man said: "I'm sick of this" so they buried her.

After third week another random man said: "I'm sick of this" so they dug her up...

Why hasn’t columbine won a basketball championship since 1999?

They lost their best shooters

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a nazi and a basketball?

You're not supposed to kick the basketball.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex is like basketball:

I'm 5'3" and don't play a lot of basketball.

What do you call a ninja who is good at basketball?

A Kobe Shinobi!

How did Link win the basketball game?

With his hookshot... (Sorry)

Why was the basketball court wet?

Because all the players kept dribbling on it.
(Not sure if repost, but I find it hilarious)

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