What’s the difference between being in prison and playing on a basketball team?

On a basketball team, your guards won’t leave you hanging.

Why do orphans miss half their basketball games?

because they don’t have home games

What the Difference between an orphan and an apple? The Apple gets picked

Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?

They dribble all the time.

Hockey: periods. Football, basketball: quarters. Frisbee golf?

Eighths.

What do you call a shrimp that's really good at basketball?

Leprawn James

Why was Cinderella a lousy basketball player?

She had a pumpkin for a coach.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Basketball and masturbation have one thing in common...

Both are a lot more enjoyable if you can finish with both hands.

Why’d the chicken cross the basketball court?

He heard the ref was blowing fouls.

God and Satan arranged a basketball game between Heaven and Hell.

"I know for a fact we are gonna win," said God. "We have all the best players up here...Wilt Chamberlain, Moses Malone, Kobe Bryant, and so on."

"I wouldn't count on that, God," said Satan. "You see, down here, *we* have all the referees."

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan

Basketball sued Tennis for no reason

Now they have to go to court

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Satan challenges God to a basketball game, so God puts together a choice team from heaven and goes down to hell.

When they come back to heaven, it's with shocking news: they lost the game 52 to 140!

The Virgin Mary is stunned, "How could you possibly lose the game with a team like yours?! Didn't you have the best saints, the most generous souls, the philanthropists and Jesus himself??"

"Yes," fum...

My tennis career has taught me that I can be the best basketball player ever

Nothing but net

What's a basketball player's favorite doughnut shop?

Dunkin' Donuts!

A woman wearing a dirty basketball jersey walks into a bar. She lifts her arm, showing everyone her hairy armpit. "Would any of you men like to buy me a beer?" she asks.

One man, who has drunk at least fourteen beers already, says, "I'd like to buy the ballerina a beer!"

The bartender says, "Look, sir, I have met many women over the years. Some were more tomboyish than girly, others more girly than tomboyish, but none as tomboyish as this woman. For example, ...

Why was the basketball court all wet?

Because the players kept dribbling all over it.

Smartest president

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.

The 1st passenger said, 'I am LeBron James, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die.' So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2...

Did you know Steven Spielberg and John Williams like to play basketball together?

He shoots, he scores.

What does prostate cancer patient have in common with a basketball player?

They both dribble

Why did the rooster go to the basketball game?

He heard that they blow fouls there.

Basketball players are afraid of themselves.

They don't like great heights

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So like, this guy was drinking beer and watching a basketball game on TV

while his wife was outside mowing the grass. He went out and asked "What are you going to make for dinner?" She said "How dare you ask me that! I'm doing all the work while you're sitting around. Pretend I'm out of town and make your own dinner!" So the guy cooked a T-bone steak and while he was eat...

Why are coronavirus patients bad at basketball?

They always travel

A basketball player, a Mexican, and a terrorist are all on a plane. Long

The plane is going super slow so they all got rid of some weight. The basketball player said, "I have a ton of basketballs, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. The Mexican said, "I have a ton of tacos, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. The terrorist said, "I h...

Three men are sitting around

Three men are sitting around drinking and they begin to brag to each other. The first man says “I have 4 sons at home. If I have one more I’d have a basketball team.” The second man laughs and says “That’s nothing! I have 10 sons at home. One more and I’d have a football team.” The third man speaks ...

Why do basketball players love cookies?

Because they can dunk them!

Told my daughter basketball season was postponed because of the virus...

She said "they should ban baseball instead". Asked her why and she goes "wasn't this all caused by bats?"

What is the urologist’s favorite part in basketball?

The dribbles

α and β played a 1v1 basketball match

β won, because it was Beta.

Basketball hasn’t changed one bit...

WNBA games are still empty.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(A little long) There was a man who had just been booked into prison for the first time and was visibly nervous

A veteran inmate who has been there a while saw the newbie and went over and said “Hey, I can tell you’re new here and you’re nervous but prison is alright.”


The newbie responded “yeah?”


“Of course,” responded the vet. “Like for example do you like golfing?”


The new...

I couldn't figure out why the basketball kept getting larger and larger

Then it hit me.

TIL Dennis Rodman once tried to start a topless women’s basketball league

The league flopped due to too little support.

When basketball stars die they don't pass away

...they cross over

RIP Mamba :(

Why can't basketball players go on vacation?

They aren't allowed to travel

The anti-vaxx basketball team lost every game this season

Apparently they never take any shots.

When I was a young, I loved basketball and was a huge Michael Jordan fan. But I wasn't sure if I had enough talent to become a pro player. Until one day I saw this huge poster. In the poster Jordan points at me and the caption reads "JUST DO IT". I got tears in my eyes and decided "I will do IT! ".

That's how I became a web developer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

why are black people so good at basketball?

because they practice

The portly bald wizard just made a basketball appear out of thin air.

He must be a sportscaster.

Making Love to a Woman is a Lot Like Playing Basketball

Well, they're similar in the sense that I've done neither.

So I gave a blind guy a basketball.

I think he's still trying to read it...

If you rush a circumcision to be able to watch the start of a basketball game

You are quickly taking the tip off not to miss the tip off

Why redditors on r/jokes love basketball?

They are fans of Kobe and paste

What did the Devil Worshiping basketball player say?

Baal is life

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Low wage workers play basketball. Tradesmen go bowling. Middle managers play softball. Upper managers play tennis. CEOs play golf.

The lesson: the higher you climb, the smaller your balls get.

My 5 year old grandson came up with this joke, and didn't even realize it was funny and made sense: Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom?

Because he was dribbling. 😊

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kids in my neighbourhood love to play basketball

Being shitty throws, I am usually assaulted by a wild ball every time I pass by the court.

So yesterday I decided to devise a plan to prevent that. I spent the whole day at work thinking of a solution but couldn't think of any.

Then while returning home, it hit me.

Today I donated my old basketball hoop to a school for the blind.

It will be missed.

What do you call the basketball move where you drink too much alcohol and score?

SlamDrunk!

What’s the difference between a French woman and a basketball team?

A basketball team actually showers after 4 periods.

I went to a Syracuse University basketball game. The president showed up.

The secret service got confused and started guarding the mascot.

The college basketball team at Indiana University had just finished their worst season in school history.

The head coach, Bob, knew the team needed a different approach next year.

In the off season, Bob was driving around town when he saw a panhandler at a stoplight, and realized that this panhandler was around college age, and looked close to 7 feet tall. Bob stopped his car to talk to him and ...

I tried out for basketball

But I didn't make the team because I'm failing English and the coach says I have terrible Hyundai coordination.

Why can’t dinosaurs play basketball?

Because they are dead

A man is playing basketball with his son...

“Son, if you can make this shot, I’ll get you a new amp for that guitar you play. But if you miss, you have to eat this bag of sand. What’ll it be? &?”

So the Devil goes to God and says "We're having a basketball tournament."

Then God says "Hold up, give me one second."

Why hasn't Africa ever won Olympic gold in basketball?

Because Africa isn't a country.

My daughter asked how old she will be next month.

My daughter woke me around 11:50pm last night. My wife and I picked her up from her friend Sally’s birthday party, brought her home and put her to bed. My wife went to the bedroom to read and I fell asleep watching basketball.

“Daddy”, she whispered tugging my shirt.

“Guess how old I’l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Intern Interviews Three Psychiatric Residents

Psych intern is taken to the first of three patient rooms.

Patient is wearing a baseball cap and swinging an imaginary baseball bat.

I: How long do you think you'll be here?

P: Oh, as soon as I hit this home run, I'm outta here!

I: (Makes notes)

Intern is then tak...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fat guy decides to lose some weight

He heard that a company is running a special weight-loss program. Curious, he decided to sign up for a session.


He is taken to a basketball court. Standing in the middle of the court is a naked woman with a sign around her neck.


"If you catch me, you can fuck me in the ass....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The story of Rolph Louie, the worst basketball player to ever make it to the NBA.

There was once a basketball player named Rolph Louie, who somehow made his way into the Chicago Bulls. This decision to pick up Rolph for the roster made no sense to anybody; it baffled the commentators, the fans and even the players on the team. Rolph could barely dribble a ball...

In 99% of...

Binghamton University's Athletic Director compared the mens basketball team to a zoo. The Binghamton Zoo responded with the following letter:

I am tired of hearing that blight on Binghamton University, the men's basketball team, being referred to as a "zoo." The Binghamton Zoo at Ross Park has just received re-accreditation by the Association of Zoos and Aquariums, the industry's governing authority. We achieved this status by being in th...

Basketball players don't like to leave their home town

We hate travelling so much.

What did the cheeze say when he scored in basketball ?

Swiiisssssss

A jewish boy's life is a lot like a game of basketball

They both begin with a tip-off

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest and a nun decide to play basketball together...

They walk towards the basketball field and start a free shots challenge.

The nun shoots the ball and scores a point.

It's the priest's turn: he shoots the ball but misses the basket. Being angry he shouts "fucking God, I missed it".

The nun is astonished and says "Sir, please yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex is like basketball

You dribble a little before you shoot.

Love is like basketball...

I’m not good at it.

What do you get when you cross a professional basketball player with a geographer?

The horses name was friday

Why was Cinderella cut from the basketball team?

She kept running from the ball...

What do Jewish people and basketball games have in common?

The tip off.

If a jockey wears jockey shorts, and a basketball player wears basketball shorts, what kind of shorts does the President wear?

Depends

Why did the fish refuse to play basketball?

He was afraid of the net.

A team of black inmates play basketball against a team of white inmates in prison. The black inmates win. Why?

Home court advantage.

The blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court

The game would be cancelled.

Toronto missed out on an opportunity to call their basketball team the torontosaurus rexes

Boo me, I deserve it

Did you hear about the wheelchair basketball team that was banned from the Paralympics?

They all tested positive for WD-40!

A brawl took place in a basketball game. A judge came in and used his gavel to stop it.

He brought order in the court

When flat-earth people play basketball they must be like...

"Yo pass me the frisbee bro!"

They always asked me if I play basketball because I was tall.

They stopped asking me that when I asked them if they play mini golf.

Today, I passed a basketball to a blind kid...

When he gave it back a while later, he said it was a really good book.

Which super hero is the best at basketball? (Infinity War Spoilers)

Spider-Man, he has the best fade-away.

What’s the difference between Basketball players and Soccer players?

Basketball players get actual injuries.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym.

His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

W...

Which fast food chain would be a good basketball player?

Dunkin' Donuts

celebrating pi day isn't as fun as watching basketball

I once watched a month full of march madness. From behind the arc I saw a three point won four.... won five games.

I was playing basketball with my 13 year old son and I beat him.

I probably wouldn't have if he hadn't won.

Don't you just hate it when someone asks you to "do something funny" and you are just standing awkwardly trying to think of an appropriate joke while more and more people start to look at you? No? Just me? Okay.

Person 1: I just got 3 strikes in bowling!
Person 2: I got three strikes in baseball...

Person 1: I got "nothing but net" in basketball
Person 2: I got "nothing but net" in volleyball...

Person 1: I just hit someone in the stomach in dodgeball!
Person 2: I just hit someo...

My father is really good at basketball

He always told me "I've been Duncan all my life"

I invited my flat-earther friend to play basketball.

I invited my flat-earther friend to play basketball.
He brought a frisbee with him.

Two basketball recruits are taking a college entrance exam.

The coach says,” men all you have to do is finish this sentence and you’re admitted to school. “

He continues, “Old MacDonald had a _____?”

One of the jocks thinks for a moment and proudly says,” Old MacDonald had a farm.”

The other says, “Yea but how do you spell farm?”

...

Blind basketball players...

You've got to hand it to them

Been watching basketball lately, and I gotta say I can hardly tolerate Kevin Durant.

He stinks compared to his brother, Deo.

Why is Jesus afraid of basketball?

Because he was traumatized when he got crossed real hard

Why hasn’t columbine won a basketball championship since 1999?

They lost their best shooters

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.