What’s the difference between being in prison and playing on a basketball team?

On a basketball team, your guards won’t leave you hanging.

Where is a basketball player's favorite place to eat?

Dunkin' Donuts

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Kids in my neighbourhood love to play basketball

Being shitty throws, I am usually assaulted by a wild ball every time I pass by the court.

So yesterday I decided to devise a plan to prevent that. I spent the whole day at work thinking of a solution but couldn't think of any.

Then while returning home, it hit me.

Today I donated my old basketball hoop to a school for the blind.

It will be missed.

Why can't basketball players go on vacation?

They aren't allowed to travel

Why did Cinderella fail at basketball?

because she ran away from the ball

What do you call the basketball move where you drink too much alcohol and score?

SlamDrunk!

Why’d the chicken cross the basketball court?

He heard the ref was blowing fouls.

I hear that Mr. Worldwide often gets called out in basketball.

He’s always trying to travel.

The anti-vaxx basketball team lost every game this season

Apparently they never take any shots.

"The players are all idiots!" says my baby sister watching basketball.

"Why do they keep trying to throw the ball?" she asks.

"The basket has a **hole** in it!"

Why is Cinderella so bad at basketball?

Her coach is a pumpkin.

When I was a young, I loved basketball and was a huge Michael Jordan fan. But I wasn't sure if I had enough talent to become a pro player. Until one day I saw this huge poster. In the poster Jordan points at me and the caption reads "JUST DO IT". I got tears in my eyes and decided "I will do IT! ".

That's how I became a web developer.

A man is playing basketball with his son...

“Son, if you can make this shot, I’ll get you a new amp for that guitar you play. But if you miss, you have to eat this bag of sand. What’ll it be? &?”

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A woman visited an Amazonian tribe on a research trip...

She spent several days taking notes on the lifestyle and habits of the tribe and interviewing their ruler, King Paolo, via an interpreter. As the tribe's land was near several rich gold mines, the king and his people were extremely wealthy.

During the woman's time with him, the king fell hop...

Binghamton University's Athletic Director compared the mens basketball team to a zoo. The Binghamton Zoo responded with the following letter:

I am tired of hearing that blight on Binghamton University, the men's basketball team, being referred to as a "zoo." The Binghamton Zoo at Ross Park has just received re-accreditation by the Association of Zoos and Aquariums, the industry's governing authority. We achieved this status by being in th...

Basketball players don't like to leave their home town

We hate travelling so much.

Why can’t dinosaurs play basketball?

Because they are dead

When flat-earth people play basketball they must be like...

"Yo pass me the frisbee bro!"

What did the cheeze say when he scored in basketball ?

Swiiisssssss

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So, Alex sees an ad in the newspaper that says “Circus Looking for New Talents”.

Alex says to himself, “Eh, what the hell. I’m pretty talented,” and calls the circus.
A lady answers him.

“Hello,” she says.

“Hi, is this the circus?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve heard you’re hiring.”

“You’ve heard correctly, sir. What is your name?”

“Alex.”

“Alr...

A team of black inmates play basketball against a team of white inmates in prison. The black inmates win. Why?

Home court advantage.

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A priest and a nun decide to play basketball together...

They walk towards the basketball field and start a free shots challenge.

The nun shoots the ball and scores a point.

It's the priest's turn: he shoots the ball but misses the basket. Being angry he shouts "fucking God, I missed it".

The nun is astonished and says "Sir, please yo...

Toronto missed out on an opportunity to call their basketball team the torontosaurus rexes

Boo me, I deserve it

Which fast food chain would be a good basketball player?

Dunkin' Donuts

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What did the basketball player get when he went to Russia looking for free prostitutes?

Nothing but nyet.

What do you get when you cross a professional basketball player with a geographer?

The horses name was friday

Why did the fish refuse to play basketball?

He was afraid of the net.

Which super hero is the best at basketball? (Infinity War Spoilers)

Spider-Man, he has the best fade-away.

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The story of Rolph Louie, the worst basketball player to ever make it to the NBA.

There was once a basketball player named Rolph Louie, who somehow made his way into the Chicago Bulls. This decision to pick up Rolph for the roster made no sense to anybody; it baffled the commentators, the fans and even the players on the team. Rolph could barely dribble a ball...

In 99% of...

My two Mexican friends decided to see who's the best at basketball

They played Juan on Juan

What’s the difference between Basketball players and Soccer players?

Basketball players get actual injuries.

A jewish boy's life is a lot like a game of basketball

They both begin with a tip-off

What is it called when two Mexicans play basketball?

Juan on Juan.

Two basketball recruits are taking a college entrance exam.

The coach says,” men all you have to do is finish this sentence and you’re admitted to school. “

He continues, “Old MacDonald had a _____?”

One of the jocks thinks for a moment and proudly says,” Old MacDonald had a farm.”

The other says, “Yea but how do you spell farm?”

...

Did you hear about the wheelchair basketball team that was banned from the Paralympics?

They all tested positive for WD-40!

Love is like basketball...

I’m not good at it.

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Low wage workers play basketball. Tradesmen go bowling. Middle managers play softball. Upper managers play tennis. CEOs play golf.

The lesson: the higher you climb, the smaller your balls get.

What's a basketball player's favourite kind of cheese?

Swissh

Why can’t basketball players have kids?

Because they always dribble before they shoot

A Baptist a Catholic and a Mormon were talking about their families. . .

The Baptist says “I have 4 kids, just one more and I’ll have a basketball team.” The Catholic says “That’s nice but I have 10 kids, one more and I’ll have a football team.” The Mormon says “Well, I have 17 wives, one more, and I’ll have a golf course.”

My 5 year old grandson came up with this joke, and didn't even realize it was funny and made sense: Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom?

Because he was dribbling. 😊

My father is really good at basketball

He always told me "I've been Duncan all my life"

Why was Cinderella cut from the basketball team?

She kept running from the ball...

Today, I passed a basketball to a blind kid...

When he gave it back a while later, he said it was a really good book.

If a jockey wears jockey shorts, and a basketball player wears basketball shorts, what kind of shorts does the President wear?

Depends

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Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym.

His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

W...

Why wouldn't Jesus Christ be a good basketball player?

Because he'd get crossed up

Why is Jesus afraid of basketball?

Because he was traumatized when he got crossed real hard

Basketball players are the most upstanding members of society

They really are people to look up to.

I invited my flat-earther friend to play basketball.

I invited my flat-earther friend to play basketball.
He brought a frisbee with him.

A basketball champion in Paralympic walks into a bar

Wait a minute...

Been watching basketball lately, and I gotta say I can hardly tolerate Kevin Durant.

He stinks compared to his brother, Deo.

Why hasn't Africa ever won Olympic gold in basketball?

Because Africa isn't a country.

What do Jewish people and basketball games have in common?

The tip off.

I played basketball with a friend yesterday

You know you're bad at basketball when you start off playing horse and end up playing pig... At one point we considered just playing Pi, but then it would never end!!

Basketball tournament

Two priests joined up together to play one-on-one basketball. After the game was over, one of the priests says: "I wonder if there is basketball in heaven"

The other says "of course there is, heaven is a place of joy and since we both find joy in playing basketball it must be in heaven"
...

Handicap

An American, a German, and an Arab meet in a bar and after a few drinks start bragging about their families.

The American says “one more kid and I have an entire Basketball team.”

Replies the German “ one more kid and I’ve got an entire soccer team.”

The Arab bursts out laugh...

The blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court

The game would be cancelled.

What do you call a shark that plays basketball?

A Sharq.

Why did Obama have a basketball court built in the white house?

So he could fake left and go right.

Why does jesus get nervous when playing basketball?

He's afraid of getting crossed up.

They always asked me if I play basketball because I was tall.

They stopped asking me that when I asked them if they play mini golf.

What do an angry bunny and a pro basketball player have in common?

Mad hops.

What’s a Jew’s Favorite Part of basketball?

Free throws

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There’s a store near my house that sells nothing but basketballs and alcohol.

They call it Rubber Balls and Liquor.

Blind basketball players...

You've got to hand it to them

Yao Ming is starting his own basketball team

It's called Crazy Reach Asians

Why was the basketball court wet?

Because all the players kept dribbling on it.
(Not sure if repost, but I find it hilarious)

I've known Paul for years

He's always been such a nice guy. In middle school, our teachers would always ask if he finished his homework. Paul would hold up his homework and say yes. During lunch, kids would always ask if they could sit with him, and Paul would say yes. A kid would ask if he's trade his pudding cup for an app...

Why hasn’t columbine won a basketball championship since 1999?

They lost their best shooters

So I gave a blind guy a basketball.

I think he's still trying to read it...

Why are Sovereign Citizens bad at basketball?

They're always travelling and they don't recognize the court.

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A schoolteacher explains to her class that she is a football fan.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they too, are football fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says,

"Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?

"Because I'm not a football fan, " she replied....

How did Link win the basketball game?

With his hookshot... (Sorry)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex is like basketball:

I'm 5'3" and don't play a lot of basketball.

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What's the difference between a nazi and a basketball?

You're not supposed to kick the basketball.

Why do male basketball players have a problem going to the bathroom?

Because they just can't stop dribbling.

What do you call a basketball player who smells really good?

Kevin Deodurant.

I said my girlfriend was from another school and none of my friends believed me...

I proved them wrong when they came to our high school one day, you should have seen the look on their faces. So glad we host the 5th grade basketball tournament

I used to be addicted to basketball...

but I rebounded.

Give a teen a basketball and he would have fun for a day

Give a blind man a basketball and he would read it like a book

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