Where is a basketball player's favorite place to eat?

Dunkin' Donuts

What’s the difference between being in prison and playing on a basketball team?

On a basketball team, your guards won’t leave you hanging.

A basketball player, a Mexican, and a terrorist are all on a plane. Long

The plane is going super slow so they all got rid of some weight. The basketball player said, "I have a ton of basketballs, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. The Mexican said, "I have a ton of tacos, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. The terrorist said, "I h...

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So like, this guy was drinking beer and watching a basketball game on TV

while his wife was outside mowing the grass. He went out and asked "What are you going to make for dinner?" She said "How dare you ask me that! I'm doing all the work while you're sitting around. Pretend I'm out of town and make your own dinner!" So the guy cooked a T-bone steak and while he was eat...

What does an old man have in common with a basketball player?

They both dribble

I couldn't figure out why the basketball kept getting larger and larger

Then it hit me.

The portly bald wizard just made a basketball appear out of thin air.

He must be a sportscaster.

In basketball, what is it called when you lose due to a wildly thrown buzzer-beater?

Defeat-us by yeetus

If you rush a circumcision to be able to watch the start of a basketball game

You are quickly taking the tip off not to miss the tip off

Why redditors on r/jokes love basketball?

They are fans of Kobe and paste

Why are coronavirus patients bad at basketball?

They always travel

Why do basketball players love cookies?

Because they can dunk them!

Told my daughter basketball season was postponed because of the virus...

She said "they should ban baseball instead". Asked her why and she goes "wasn't this all caused by bats?"

TIL Dennis Rodman once tried to start a topless women’s basketball league

The league flopped due to too little support.

Me playing basketball is like me playing pool

I only make shots for the wrong team

why are basketball players who suck at dribbling a high risk for covid 19?

because they've traveled recently

When basketball stars die they don't pass away

...they cross over

RIP Mamba :(

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Kids in my neighbourhood love to play basketball

Being shitty throws, I am usually assaulted by a wild ball every time I pass by the court.

So yesterday I decided to devise a plan to prevent that. I spent the whole day at work thinking of a solution but couldn't think of any.

Then while returning home, it hit me.

Today I donated my old basketball hoop to a school for the blind.

It will be missed.

So the Devil goes to God and says "We're having a basketball tournament."

Then God says "Hold up, give me one second."

Why did the basketball player with corona virus got kicked from the team?

Because he started to travel too much.

Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?

They dribble all the time :)

So I gave a blind guy a basketball.

I think he's still trying to read it...

Why'd the chicken cross the basketball court?

The ref was calling fowls.

What's the similarity between a lawyer and a basketballer?

They see their opponents in court.

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What do you call a whale that plays basketball?

Kobe Dick

The college basketball team at Indiana University had just finished their worst season in school history.

The head coach, Bob, knew the team needed a different approach next year.

In the off season, Bob was driving around town when he saw a panhandler at a stoplight, and realized that this panhandler was around college age, and looked close to 7 feet tall. Bob stopped his car to talk to him and ...

What’s the difference between a French woman and a basketball team?

A basketball team actually showers after 4 periods.

Why can't basketball players go on vacation?

They aren't allowed to travel

What did the Devil Worshiping basketball player say?

Baal is life

What do you call the basketball move where you drink too much alcohol and score?

SlamDrunk!

Why did Cinderella fail at basketball?

because she ran away from the ball

I went to a Syracuse University basketball game. The president showed up.

The secret service got confused and started guarding the mascot.

An airplane was about to crash..

There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said “I am Stephen Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can’t afford to die.” So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said...

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan

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[NSFW] A fat guy decides to lose some weight

He heard that a company is running a special weight-loss program. Curious, he decided to sign up for a session.

He is taken to a basketball court. Standing in the middle of the court is a naked woman with a sign around her neck.

"If you catch me, you can fuck me in the ass."

Th...

A study of different American’s choice of sport

Now this is profound:

It is very interesting looking over data of different socioeconomic groups in America and the different types of recreation they partake in, and what it means about them as a group.

Poor people tend to play basketball.

Working Class tend to play football<...

The anti-vaxx basketball team lost every game this season

Apparently they never take any shots.

A man is playing basketball with his son...

“Son, if you can make this shot, I’ll get you a new amp for that guitar you play. But if you miss, you have to eat this bag of sand. What’ll it be? &?”

"The players are all idiots!" says my baby sister watching basketball.

"Why do they keep trying to throw the ball?" she asks.

"The basket has a **hole** in it!"

Why is Cinderella so bad at basketball?

Her coach is a pumpkin.

When I was a young, I loved basketball and was a huge Michael Jordan fan. But I wasn't sure if I had enough talent to become a pro player. Until one day I saw this huge poster. In the poster Jordan points at me and the caption reads "JUST DO IT". I got tears in my eyes and decided "I will do IT! ".

That's how I became a web developer.

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A circus is looking for new acts so they place an advert in the local paper

A few days later the circus' agent gets a phone call. "Hi I'm Jeff!" says the caller "I saw your advert and it sounds like my dream! I think I'm definitely talented enough to be in the circus!"

"Well ok Jeff, tell me about yourself, what's your skill?" says the agent

"I can skateboard!...

Binghamton University's Athletic Director compared the mens basketball team to a zoo. The Binghamton Zoo responded with the following letter:

I am tired of hearing that blight on Binghamton University, the men's basketball team, being referred to as a "zoo." The Binghamton Zoo at Ross Park has just received re-accreditation by the Association of Zoos and Aquariums, the industry's governing authority. We achieved this status by being in th...

Basketball players don't like to leave their home town

We hate travelling so much.

A team of black inmates play basketball against a team of white inmates in prison. The black inmates win. Why?

Home court advantage.

Why can’t dinosaurs play basketball?

Because they are dead

What do you call a white guy with 5 black guys

Basketball Coach.

What do you call a white guy with 10 black guys, football coach

What do you call a white guy with 250 black guys?
Warden

Toronto missed out on an opportunity to call their basketball team the torontosaurus rexes

Boo me, I deserve it

When flat-earth people play basketball they must be like...

"Yo pass me the frisbee bro!"

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Low wage workers play basketball. Tradesmen go bowling. Middle managers play softball. Upper managers play tennis. CEOs play golf.

The lesson: the higher you climb, the smaller your balls get.

What do you get when you cross a professional basketball player with a geographer?

The horses name was friday

Love is like basketball...

I’m not good at it.

My 5 year old grandson came up with this joke, and didn't even realize it was funny and made sense: Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom?

Because he was dribbling. 😊

What did the cheeze say when he scored in basketball ?

Swiiisssssss

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The story of Rolph Louie, the worst basketball player to ever make it to the NBA.

There was once a basketball player named Rolph Louie, who somehow made his way into the Chicago Bulls. This decision to pick up Rolph for the roster made no sense to anybody; it baffled the commentators, the fans and even the players on the team. Rolph could barely dribble a ball...

In 99% of...

A jewish boy's life is a lot like a game of basketball

They both begin with a tip-off

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A priest and a nun decide to play basketball together...

They walk towards the basketball field and start a free shots challenge.

The nun shoots the ball and scores a point.

It's the priest's turn: he shoots the ball but misses the basket. Being angry he shouts "fucking God, I missed it".

The nun is astonished and says "Sir, please yo...

Did you hear about the wheelchair basketball team that was banned from the Paralympics?

They all tested positive for WD-40!

Which fast food chain would be a good basketball player?

Dunkin' Donuts

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What did the basketball player get when he went to Russia looking for free prostitutes?

Nothing but nyet.

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On Tinder and similar apps, girls keep asking me about my height

Are we sure these girls wanna fuck or are they basketball scouts?

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Sex is like basketball

You dribble a little before you shoot.

Why was Cinderella cut from the basketball team?

She kept running from the ball...

Why did the fish refuse to play basketball?

He was afraid of the net.

What do you get when you cross a talented basketball player, and an untrustworthy royal vizier?

Kareem Abdul-Jafar; although these days I hear he's a magical genie who dabbles in writing Sherlock Holmes novels.

Why hasn't Africa ever won Olympic gold in basketball?

Because Africa isn't a country.

Which super hero is the best at basketball? (Infinity War Spoilers)

Spider-Man, he has the best fade-away.

My two Mexican friends decided to see who's the best at basketball

They played Juan on Juan

What’s the difference between Basketball players and Soccer players?

Basketball players get actual injuries.

If a jockey wears jockey shorts, and a basketball player wears basketball shorts, what kind of shorts does the President wear?

Depends

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A woman visited an Amazonian tribe on a research trip...

She spent several days taking notes on the lifestyle and habits of the tribe and interviewing their ruler, King Paolo, via an interpreter. As the tribe's land was near several rich gold mines, the king and his people were extremely wealthy.

During the woman's time with him, the king fell hop...

Two basketball recruits are taking a college entrance exam.

The coach says,” men all you have to do is finish this sentence and you’re admitted to school. “

He continues, “Old MacDonald had a _____?”

One of the jocks thinks for a moment and proudly says,” Old MacDonald had a farm.”

The other says, “Yea but how do you spell farm?”

...

Today, I passed a basketball to a blind kid...

When he gave it back a while later, he said it was a really good book.

My father is really good at basketball

He always told me "I've been Duncan all my life"

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Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym.

His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

W...

What do Jewish people and basketball games have in common?

The tip off.

The blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court

The game would be cancelled.

Basketball players are the most upstanding members of society

They really are people to look up to.

A basketball champion in Paralympic walks into a bar

Wait a minute...

I invited my flat-earther friend to play basketball.

I invited my flat-earther friend to play basketball.
He brought a frisbee with him.

I was playing basketball with my 13 year old son and I beat him.

I probably wouldn't have if he hadn't won.

Been watching basketball lately, and I gotta say I can hardly tolerate Kevin Durant.

He stinks compared to his brother, Deo.

I played basketball with a friend yesterday

You know you're bad at basketball when you start off playing horse and end up playing pig... At one point we considered just playing Pi, but then it would never end!!

Basketball tournament

Two priests joined up together to play one-on-one basketball. After the game was over, one of the priests says: "I wonder if there is basketball in heaven"

The other says "of course there is, heaven is a place of joy and since we both find joy in playing basketball it must be in heaven"
...

How do basketball players stay cool during a game?

They stand near the fans!

Why is Jesus afraid of basketball?

Because he was traumatized when he got crossed real hard

They always asked me if I play basketball because I was tall.

They stopped asking me that when I asked them if they play mini golf.

Gotta Rep the Brands Baby

A pro basketball player walks into a bar. He eventually strikes up a conversation with a woman who is drinking all by herself.

After a couple hours they end up going back to her place for a little alone time.

As he takes off his shirt, she notices a Nike tattoo on his chest. When she a...

Why wouldn't Jesus Christ be a good basketball player?

Because he'd get crossed up

Blind basketball players...

You've got to hand it to them

Why does jesus get nervous when playing basketball?

He's afraid of getting crossed up.

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Balls of Age

People who play basketball are 20. People who play baseball are 30. People who play golf are 60. Notice how when u grow older, your balls get smaller?

Why hasn’t columbine won a basketball championship since 1999?

They lost their best shooters

What do an angry bunny and a pro basketball player have in common?

Mad hops.

Why would Indians make great basketball coaches?

They invented Curry

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There’s a store near my house that sells nothing but basketballs and alcohol.

They call it Rubber Balls and Liquor.

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What's the difference between a nazi and a basketball?

You're not supposed to kick the basketball.

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