This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Only fifteen minutes

A group of men live and die for their Saturday morning golf game. One of them transfers to another city and they're lost without him.

A new woman joins their club. When she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if...

I met a girl at a club the other night & she told me she'd show me a good time.

When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.

The Pope dies and arrives in Heaven

St. Peter awaits him. St. Peter asks who he is.

The Pope: "I am the pope."

St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book."

The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth."

St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me ..."

The Pope: "But I am t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

(The joke from "The Breakfast Club" that was never finished.) A naked woman walks into a bar with a female poodle under one arm and a six-foot salami under the other.

The bartender says, "I suppose you won't be needing a drink," to which the woman responds, "I sure as hell do, after what happened to me." The bartender, of course, asks what happened, and the woman says, "My boyfriend and I went up to my room when he said that he would pound his favorite bitch with...

What do you call a book club that's has been stuck on one book for years?

The church!

click here if you want to join the peepee club

urine

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club

But I'd never met herbivore

Was almost in the club last night but got dragged out by the bouncer.

"Are u 18?" he asked.

"No," I replied.

"Can't let u in then," he replied.

As I walked out I thought to myself, "this is the 3rd club I've been at tonight. What does a 22 year old have to do to get inside?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey,Dave! How ya doin?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "Hes on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
<...

The local strip club had a sale.

Their sign said a penny for our thots.

I saw the most disgusting thing today: a strip club across the street from a playground.

Just trying to enjoy the day with my family while losers are swinging on monkey bars 50 feet away.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I just watched Fight Club for the first time and I gotta say...

Oh shit, I almost broke the first rule.

An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course & heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house.

As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:

COLD BEER: $5.00
HAMBURGER: $10.00
CHEESEBURGER: $15.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $18.50
HAND JOB: $250.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the old golfe...

The owner of the local strip club has a lisp.

I tried to go last night, but they were clothed.

I went to a crazy Amish strip club.

It was bonnetless.

Today i saw a strip club across the road from a minigolf place.

I'm liberal but that's too much for me. What if your trying to have a nice afternoon with your family and kids and you look across the street and have to see a bunch of losers playing minigolf.

What are 17 blondes doing in front of a club?

Waiting for the 18th because "No Entry Under 18".

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I walked into the club and all the pussies were poppin

I don't know why they inflated them so much.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The American Kennel Club has recognized new dog breeds.

* Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter. Great for Christmas.
* Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer. Smells like fresh mountain dog.
* Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabrador. Won't stop barking.
* Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere. A dog that's true til the end.
* Terrier...

A fireman walks into a strip club

The first song to play was “I got hose”

Welcome to Alzheimer’s club

Now the first rule of Alzheimer’s club is that....we don’t talk about chess club

What's the Difference between a Casino and a Strip Club

You actually have a chance of getting screwed at the casino.

My friend just collapsed into a display of golf clubs,

Paramedics are doing what they can but he’s not out of the woods yet.

A northern man goes on a date with a southern woman during his vacation to the south.

Southerner: What do you and your friends do in your free time?

Northerner: We love to play the well known game called Club Penguin. Our favorite activity is to spend hours together on the iceberg.

Southerner: I play Club Penguin too!

&#x200B;

As the two people from di...

What do you call the stage at a Polish strip club?

Empty. It only has a Pole.

Why was the golfer kicked from the animal rights club?

He hit a birdie

The first rule of flight club...

is to take flying lessons, also know how to read carefully.

What's the first thing you do when the strip club is on fire?

You get the hoes out.

What happened when the Prague Skydiving club couldn't afford proper equipment?

Their Czechs bounced.

So Tom is at a Ghetto Strip Club

He sees a clearly obese woman dancing on a table, and is amazed. He walk over to her and says "damn those are some really nice legs". "Awe you really think so?" She replied. "Yeah for sure, most tables would have collapsed by now."

A husband takes the wife to a night club.

There's a guy on the dance floor giving it big time. Break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works!

The wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down!"

The husband says, "Looks to me like he's still celebrating!!!"

I'm opening a new club called r/jokes.

It's gonna play the same song in a loop forever.

The first rule of Parent Club:

Don’t talk about activities in front of kids, unless fully prepared to engage in said activities.

A guy wins the lottery. So he decides to live his life like rich people. What does rich people do ? They play golf, so he goes to a country club to play golf.

He didn’t know anything about golf. Didn’t bring a caddie . After an hour of struggling/playing, he gets lost. Didn’t see anyone until finally he sees a girl and asks her..
“ Sorry, to bother you, but I dont know where I am, could you tell me ?”.... “Sure, you are in the 5th hole, Im in the 6t...

TIL When Steve Martin was 20 he had a ventriloquism act. The manager of a club where he performed had a tip for him.

"You have to hold the dummy closer to the mic."

From Steve Martin's interview on Seth Meyers' show.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American,

an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Brun...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Bob was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang...

It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in an accident and was in critical condition and in ICU.
The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible.

As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best...

My dad told me

Never to go to a cheap, sleazy, dirty, raunchy strip club.

Because you'll see something, you really shouldn't.

So I went.

And I saw my dad.

So a guy walks into an adult club for people who like to pee on each other...

The manager comes up to him and says "So why are you here? Do you want to join us?".

The man says "Well, I like being peed on, so yes I'd like to join".

The manager looks him dead in the eye and says "You're in".

Hitler's favorite football club was

**Ju**ventus.

I recently subscribed to a "Spice of the Month" club

The thyme has come today...

So my friend sent me an invitation to this club

He said that they arranged taco Tuesday at the club. I didn't really feel up to it so I initially declined. He said it was fine but then kept inviting me every week. Every week I kept declining until I eventually gave in and agreed to come.


"Why do you want me to go so badly?"

...

I still remember the last time I created my own version of Fight Club.

Come to think of it, it was around the same time I was fired from the YMCA...

A man took his date to a local country club.

When they arrived, he told her to sit down and he would go fetch their food.

Well, at this country club, there were different lines for everything. He went and stood in the pot roast line. Then the vegetable line, the bread line, the gravy line, and the salt and pepper line.

Finally, ...

The Godfather’s relaxing at his social club...

...with his crew. The usual gaggle of young Turks waits in the wings, hoping to get noticed, hoping to move up.

The Godfather calls one of them over.

“Jimmy, I hear good things about you. They tell me you’re serious, that you can be trusted.”

Jimmy swells with pride.

“I ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Somebody asked me if I'd ever join the "Mile high club"

I said I couldn't give a flying fuck

A Socialist, a Marxist, and a Postmodernist walk into a strip club.

The bouncer checks their ID's and says

"sorry guys, come back when you're 21."

I was late to my first Fight Club meeting so unfortunately I missed some of the rules

But I still had a really awesome time and I can't wait to share my experience with everyone on Facebook.

Have you guys heard about Fight Club? I went last night. Its pretty awesome, everyone should go.

I got there a few minutes late and missed some of the rules, but no problem!

I’m thinking about starting a strip club/Thai restaurant.

Gonna call it “Right between the thai’s”

Heading down to the Autopsy Club later.

It's open Mike night.

The first rule of Fight Club is...

Just try your best guys, and have fun. Also, when it’s your turn to bring snacks be mindful of others’ allergies.

Did ya hear why they're closing down the eunuchs club?

Cause they lost all their members.

I made a club about erectile dysfunction.

It was a flop, nobody came.

If I ran a night club I'd hire a rabbit to guard the front door.

I heard they're good bouncers.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man goes to a strip club with an alligator.

He says, "I bet you that I can put my dick into this alligator's mouth for 1 minute, and when I take it out, it will not be damaged. If I succeed, all of you will buy me drinks. If I fail, I will buy all of you drinks." The other men agree and he puts his dick into the alligator's mouth for 1 minute...

Rule number 1 of the thesaurus club:

Never discuss, mention, speak of, or talk about Thesaurus Club.

How to golf clubs reproduce?

They’re swingers!

I went to a very busy night club last night

They had a sign that said: Complimentary Vallet up front.

They told me they liked my shoes and charged me $50.00 to park the car.

A local nunnery started a fight club

Obviously such an event had to be very under the radar, so very few people knew about it.

One of my best friends aunts is a nun, so he invited me to go with him. I went once, immediately got hooked, and now we go every Tuesday night. I told my wife that I had to work late Tuesday nights, the...

I was at the club last night

And they played ‘Twist and Shout!’ So I started to Twist and Shout.
They then played ‘Jump Around’ so I started to jump around.
Then they played ‘Come on Eileen’ and they kicked me out!

What sound does a clock make when it's in a strip club

Thicc thot

I'm not saying you are old...

but the candles cost more than your cake.

(I heard this one at a bridge club today)

John, a high school student, wants to join an afterschool club.

He looks through the catalog and decides on Yearbook. One day after school, he walks through the halls but realizes he doesn't know which room is Yearbook.

Finally, after looking around for 10 minutes, he gives up. He sees a room which has people editing photos inside. Thinking it must be Ye...

What is a German group called when they can´t get into the club?

Sour Krauts.

&#x200B;

Ps: I am a German myself.

I was driving down the road when I passed a strip club that advertised it had "high caliber women".

To this day I still can't understand why they wouldn't want someone under 45 working there.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I didn't know what to wear to the premature ejaculation club

So i just came in my pants

Two guys in a health club, one is putting on lace knickers.

"Since when do you wear womens pants?"
"Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One day, Usain Bolt goes into a country club.

When he enters, the woman at the front desk stops him, and says, "Sorry, we don't allow black people in here. But there's another club 10 minutes down the road that does."

Visibly furious, Bolt exclaims, "Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!"

"Oh! I'm sorry", says the woman. "Then it'...

A company decides to build a strip club across the street from a mini-golf place.

A bunch of people were really upset about this, and you can't really blame them. I mean, who wants to be enjoying a nice family outing only to look across the street and see some losers playing mini-golf?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bunch of fetishists are sitting around at their fetishists club bored trying to think up things to do.

Then one has an idea. The guy who's into bestiality says, "I wish we could find a cat and fuck it!"

The sadist says, "Yeah, and we could torture it before we fuck it!"

The necrophiliac says, "And then afterwards we'll kill it and fuck it again!"

The masochist says, "meow."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old woman was watching the news while waiting for her husband to return from the Elk's club

A breaking news story came on about a car driving the wrong away on the interstate.
Being worked for her husband's safety she called him.

"Bill I hope I haven't caught you too late," she said. "The news is reporting a car driving the wrong way down the interstate you use to come home. You ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I met this sexy girl in a club tonight and told her she reminded me of my little toe. Giggling, she asked, "Why?! Is it because I'm small and cute!?"

"No..." I said. "It's because later, I'm gonna bang you hard on my coffee table."

Have you heard of the new club Pooh’s Honey Jar?

The bouncers name was Tigger!

The singer Seal walks into a club.

Good thing he wasn't a baby.

A woman decides to go home with a guy she met at a club one night

He's tall, tanned, strikingly handsome, and seems different than most other guys she meets.

Upon arrival at his place they head straight to the bedroom where she can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears.

On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle shelf are medium-siz...

The Cool Clam Club

Deep beneath the ocean there is an exclusive club known for only having the coolest of clams in their midst. This was called the Cool Clam Club.


Now, the Cool Clam Club was known across the seven seas as one of the most prestigious clubs known to seakind due to the fact that their initia...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Someone in the transplant club just recieved surgery to reconstruct his penis

Turns out it's our newest member

Why didn't Hitler go to strip clubs?

Because he didn't like poles.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does a stripper do with her asshole before going to the club?

Drops him off at band practice

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just emailed in my application form for a dominatrix club..." he tells the bartender.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just emailed in my application form for a dominatrix club..." he tells the bartender. "What happened?" the bartender asks. "I got an instant reply thanking me for my submission."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Usain Bolt goes to join a golf club.

And he goes to one place, but he doesn't realise that it hasn't changed since the days when segregation was acceptable, and doesn't allow black people to be members. So he goes up to the reception and says, "Hi, I'd like to join this golf club."

"I'm sorry, sir", says the receptionist, "but I...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So, A white woman and a black man are dancing at a club

and after a while things start to get hot and heavy. After some heavy kissing and petting, the woman makes the suggestion that they return to her apartment for the night. When the couple arrives at the woman's apartment, they begin passionately kissing and undressing each other, preparing to have fr...

Our town's male strip club has employed a lot of poorly endowed men.

Ironically, they aren't short staffed.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years?

Church

I made a friend at this chess club in Prague

Czech mate

Club Attender: Man, that security guard really didn't like that soccer ball...

Club Attender 2: Yeah, he was kicked out.

If you went to a strip club at lunchtime and it wasn't open, would the sign on the door say...

"SORRY, WE'RE CLOTHED"

A frail old lady wanted to join a biker club...

She knocked on the door of a local biker club, and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answered the door.

She proclaimed proudly, "I want to join your biker club."

The man was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain requirements before she was allowed...

What does an unchallenging mini-golf course have in common with a strip club?

During daytime hours they’re both sub-par

Why wouldn't a "Fight Club" video game sell well?

The marketing would be nonexistent.

There is a new football club, Reddit F.C.

They play their first game, the striker has the ball near the goal with an open net. He smashes the ball to the post, gets it back, and smashes it to the post again. The crowd goes wild, cheering him as a god. The coach is baffled: "Why the hell is everybody celebrating him missing an open goal?!" T...

I was at the club, dancing the other night

While on the dance floor, the DJ started playing the Twist, so I did the twist!

After that was done, he played the Bump, so I did the bump.

And after that one, the Macarena, same story.

Then 'Come on Eileen' came on... That's when I got kicked out

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's a Health Club Trainer's job?

Making, JERKS BEEFY!

I went up to a girl in the club last night and said, "That's a nice dress. Do you know what it would look even better on?" "Ha-ha, let me guess..." she sighed. "Your bedroom floor?!"

"No." I replied. "A better looking girl."

Did you hear about the philosopher who went to the strip club?

He was deep in THOT.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"Have you heard the one about Charlie Brooker's sex club?"

"No. Wait, what? Charlie Brooker has a sex club?"

"Yeah man, **wild** orgies, *very* selected members".

"Oh my. All right, so what happened?"

"One of the women attended an orgy and gave everyone gonorrhea".

"Oh Jesus! That's awful! What did Charlie do?"

"...

Two introverts walk into a club

Haha no they don't.

Man and his wife join a weight loss club. They're told to try and lose at least 2 pounds by the next week.

When they return after a week the mentor asks them how much they lost.

The wife begins, "I lost 10 pounds".

"That's amazing! Well done, and you?" He says, pointing at the husband.

"Well, I actually gained 10 pounds", the husband responds.

"Oh, that's no good at all. H...

I'll have a club sandwich on rye.

Hold the mayo. Cuddle the mustard. Whisper soft words of confidence to the lettuce. Make love to the onion

In order to join our club, you must perform the dance

It's called 2 step verification

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click herefor more information.