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A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "Hes on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if hed like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
<...

So i started a club for guys with erectile dysfunction....

Was a total flop,nobody came.

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A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot…

Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m."

He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.

They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay."

She's there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats al...

What did Santa say at the strip club?

Ho! Ho! Ho!

You’re all on my naughty list!

My dad told me never to go to a cheap, dirty, raunchy strip club because you'll see something you really shouldn't.

So i went.


And I saw my dad.

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years?

Church

Against my wishes my son has gone and had a tattoo of a heart, a spade, a club and a diamond.

I'll deal with him later.

Everyone was really excited at the Autopsy Club

It was open Mike night

The first rule of passive aggressive club is...

You know what, nevermind. It’s fine.

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Roger is a hard worker and he spends most of his nights bowling or playing volleyball. One weekend his wife decides that he needs to relax a little and take a break from sports, so she takes him to a strip club.

The doorman at the club spots them and says, “Hey, Roger! How are you tonight?”
His wife, surprised, asks her husband if he has been here before.
“No, no. He’s just one of the guys I bowl with.”


They are seated and the waitress approaches, sees Roger and says, “Nice to see you, R...

My brothers always out clubbing, my parents are really worried about his health.

He's always had one foot in the rave.

Back in caveman days, all we had were clubs and rocks. And doors hadn't even been invented yet...

...we had to tell each other "thump thump" jokes!

A English man, a Spaniard, a French man, and a German. Go to a club. The guy on stage asks if they can see him. They said

“Yes””oui””si””ja”

I bet Santa spends a lot of time at strip clubs

He loves them ho ho ho’s

Club manager: Your last joke was so bad it put the audience to sleep. What do you plan to do about it?

Comedian: Copyright it and sell it as a cure for insomnia.

I joined a club...

It's called Fight Club. I was a little late to the first meeting so I missed the introductory rules, but I highly recommend it for everyone and would love to discuss it with anyone who's interested.

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(NSFW) A leper goes to a sex club. A girl takes him into a room. When they finish, he says...

“You can keep the tip.”

My daughter asked if I'd like to go out clubbing with her.

I said "sure honey". We stayed up all night long. That's good, because it's much easier to kill seals when they're sleeping.

How many successful jumps do you need to do to join the parachute club?

All of them.

The difference between a rich man at a strip club and a poor man at a strip club.

The rich man shows up to spend lots of cash and have a good time.

The poor man is there to take his sister home.

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello."

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful ...

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So I went to the local strip club.

Got a lap dance from a stripper named Cinderella. I thought it was a odd stripper name but then it made sense. Her Dad wasn't around, didn't get along with stepmom, and wore see through shoes.

The local morgue doubles up as a comedy club at night.

Tomorrow is open Mike night.

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A ventriloquist was performing in a club telling dumb blonde jokes...

With his dummy on his knee, he begins his usual routine of dumb blonde jokes. Suddenly, a blond woman in the audience stands on her chair and starts shouting,"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women like that?What does the color of a person's hair...

A man is on his deathbed, and he asks his wife...

"Martha, soon I will be gone forever, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years of marriage, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for...

What do you call a book club that's been reading the same book for years - and yet the members still have no clue as to what it's about?

An Evangelical Christian church.

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A poor man goes to a sex club

After standing in line to get in het gets to the doorman. "What can I get for $5" the poor man says.

"You can get into the mystery room" says the doorman and he proceeds to lead the poor man to a door. Once he opens the door he sees a big round chamber with in the middle a donkey with a small...

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A guy walks into a fancy club and right past the bouncer.

When the bouncer tries to stop him, the guy says "let me through, I'm fucking rich."

The bouncer, eager for a tip, lets him through. The guy proceeds right to the VIP section, past the ropes, and sits down at the best table.

The bouncer tries to stop him again, but the guy says "I can...

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a Golf club.

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club.

After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.

Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings.

One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

(H – Husband, W ...

An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.


After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'


The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.


In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, '...

A man and his friends are at the country club when the phone rings...

The man picks up the phone and says "Hi honey, how are you doing"
The woman says "Hello sweetie, I found some new shoes that cost $90, can I buy them?"
The man replies "Sure hon"
The woman then says "Also the new purse I wanted is here and cost $980, can I buy them?"
The man repl...

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Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball when suddenly a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head.

He passes the first woman, who looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband," she says.

He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband either."

He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her.

"Wait a minute," she says....

Why are strip clubs closed at night on Nov 3rd?

Because that's when the polls close.

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Hitler never went to strip clubs

He hated poles

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What do you call a motorcycle club comprised entirely of bisexual monarchs from Scandinavia?

The Bikings.

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This hideous woman came stumbling up to me in a club with whiskey breath. She leaned into my ear.

"Sex?" she asked.

"Male," I replied.

A piece of string walks up to the entrance of a night club.

As he approaches the front of the line, the bouncer crosses his path and says to him “sorry mate, are you a piece of string?”

The piece of string says “yes, is that a problem?”

The bouncer replies “yeah, sorry but I can’t let pieces of string in, it’s policy.”

The string walks ...

What do you call a hillbilly night club?

A family reunion.

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The hottest club in town is exclusively for bald people and it’s bouncer is super short and blind...

He checks to see if clients entering the club are bald by having them stoop and running his hand over their head. So, this dude wants to go in cuz they got the hottest stuff. But he’s not bald. So he gets in line.
The dude infront of him walks up to the bouncer stoops a bit and the bouncer rubs h...

First rule of vegan fight club...

Tell EVERYONE about vegan fight club !

The blind man walked into a strip club and said

" this is the first fish market I've been to where they play music"

I try not to talk about my time in strip clubs.

It always brings up bad mammarys.

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What's the difference between a club and a spade?

I don't fucking know, what do I look like? A card-iologist?

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A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him, so he walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing...

She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole and you’re a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.”

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached the lady, again with the same request.

She said, “I’m on the 14th, you are a hole...

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years?

Church

I wanted to work at a gentleman’s club but I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to take my clothes off in front of strangers, so first I tried getting naked in front of a few friends

It was a test strip.

I once had a job at a burlesque club helping the girls in and out of their costumes for $100 a week.

I know it's not much but it's all I could afford.

A guy with a wooden eye goes to the club and sees a beautiful woman standing at the bar. She happens to have a peg leg. He walks up and asks her to dance...

She says “Would I!”

He says, “I didn’t want to dance with you anyway, peg leg!”

Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment. His wife was standing nearby watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally speaks: "Tim, I've been thinking, now that we're married maybe it's time you quit golfing. You spend so much time on the course. Yo...

The first rule of deaf club

Nyou nu not nalk amout nef glub

A seal went into a club...

Oh wait no, it was the club that went into the seal

Photography at a strip club was a failure

Everyone in the photos was over-exposed

What car carries its own golf clubs?

A Cadillac

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A man invites his friend to his club for lunch.

They arrive and go in, and there are tons of trees with vaginas on them, and a clubhouse. No tennis courts, no weight room, nothing.

His friend says to him, “what the hell is this place?”

“What, haven’t you ever been to a cunt tree club before?”

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What did the airline stewardess say to the passenger who whispered in her ear that his last dying wish was to join the mile high club? (NSFW)

"I don't give a flying fuck!"

What’s it called when a not important person sneaks into the VIP section of a club?

A NIP slip

A widow sees a man sunbathing at the poolside of her country club

She approaches him: "Excuse me. I don't think I've seen you here before. Are you new?"

"As a matter of fact, I am." he says. "I was in prison for 30 years."

"For what?" she asks

"I murdered my wife." he responds.

"Oh!" She exclaims. "So you're single!"

What did the cop say when he entered the disco club?

"Get down!"

I just saw Oregon has a drive-thru strip club. Today, we salute these frontline workers who are taking care of the Beaver State’s residents in response to COVID-19...

Heroes Twerk Here

A man wants to enter a club he’s visiting in cuba, but there's a tough looking bouncer that won’t let anyone in.

A cuban man with a large beard walks up to the bouncer, strokes his beard and says...

"I'm with the police." The bouncer lets him in.

Less than a minute later, another cuban man with a large beard walks up to the bouncer, strokes his beard and says,

"I'm with the police."
...

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Sure, joining the Mile High Club is great, but have you ever broken the sound barrier while sounding?

It seems tight at first, but then the cock pit widens.

I think one of the the club leaders at my school is blackmailing me

They told me I would be great in their club, I didn’t even know what it was so I said no. They then told me “Come on, I’ve seen you mass debating all over the school, are you sure you don’t want to join? I am now in a club, if anyone knows how to get me out of this situation help.

"Excuse me, sir, is this the Nostalgia Club"?

"Yeah man, but let me tell you, it ain't what it used to be!"

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Welcome to the sexual innuendo club.

Thanks for coming!

Newton walks into strip club

He met a girl ,calculated the tangent to her curve.

Cemeteries are like very expensive exclusive clubs

They are overcrowded and people are dying to get in

Marriage is like a deck of cards.

At the start you need a diamond and a heart but at the end you need a club and a spade.

Two guys in a health club, one is putting on lace panties.

"Since when do you wear womens pants?"

"Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!"

So the Pope arrives at heavens gate

St. Peter awaits him. St. Peter asks who he is.

The Pope: "I am the pope."

St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book."

The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth."

St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me ..."

The Pope: "But I am t...

A bipolar patient, dementia patient, and narcissist walk into a club.

And the announcer says “Welcome to the first 2020 presidential debate.”

Social Club

An Italian husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.

The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"
<...

I won my poker tournament last night with the five of clubs and the five of spades.

Black fives matter.

I met a girl at a club the other night & she told me she'd show me a good time.

When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.

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An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily.



'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?'

The girl, crying, replied, Daddy... I became a prostitute.'

'Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinn...

It must be tough for a comedian at a cricket club

He gets the same reaction whether he bowls them over or stumps them.

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A friend invited me to a strip club

And after after 10 minutes of a topless lap dance from a stripper, my wife tapped on my shoulder with a very angry look. It was a booby trap.

Soo we’re going to the Autopsy club tonight huh? What’s happening there?

It’s open Mike night!

The first rule of Condescending Club

is really rather complex and I doubt you would understand it even if I explained it to you with diagrams.

So I went to a club on friday night...

So I went to the club near my road and the DJ started playing Jump Around so I started jumping around. Next the DJ played the Twist, so natuarally, I did the twist. Then the DJ played come on Eileene, I got kicked out.

Can't wait to go clubbing again.

The seal population is getting out of hand.

I started a book club for dyslexics.

This month we're reading Hemingway's classic "The odd Mom and the she".

What do you call a wizard that can turn himself into a golf club?

Harry Putter

What's the difference between a circus and strip club?

One is a cunning display of stunts...

Have you heard what happen to Mike Tyson's strip club?

Do to covid-19 they're clothed till further notice.

I don't get why Clubbing Seals is so controversial?

I mean, I'm kinda curious what sort of music they listen to?

Husband - My wife is missing. She went out yesterday and has not come home...

*Police Sergeant*:
What is her height?

*Husband*:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

*Sergeant*:
Colour of eyes?

*Husband*:
Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

*Sergeant*:
Colour of hair?

*Husband*:
Changes a couple times a ...

I got to bang a 10/10 cougar after a night at the club

Now I'm banned from the local zoo..

A man joins a very exclusive Nudist Club

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around.
A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.
The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, 'Did you call for me?'
The man re...

My local night club has had to fire their resident DJ

Apparently he wasn't up to scratch

Once there was a raid at the club. Intel was that there was black money in the club

A officer, during the raid found the money. He went to the supervisor and told him-

"Sir, we have found the money! It's 5 million dollars, cash!"

"What's that officer? You say there's 2 million dollars found in raid?"

"That's right sir! We have found a million dollars of cash he...

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A lesson in etiquette

Three sophisticated southern women sit together at a country club, Eliza, Josephine, and Isabelle.

Eliza says to the other two, "You know girls, my husband bought me the most wonderful jewelry for our anniversary. A lavish diamond necklace and some beautiful earrings."

"How wonderful!...

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What do you call a man when it’s his first time at a sex club?

A newcummer

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Took a girl home after clubbing last night.

After a few drinks, we went up stairs and while we were taking our clothes off a voice came from the bed and said " i hope thats not that fat one from last week" the girl said "what the fuck was that" ? i said its that bastard memory foam matress.

I went thirsty at the comedy club.

The punch lines were terrible!

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A trio of golfers are waiting for their fourth at the course one morning, when he calls and tells them he can't come.

Turns out his pregnant wife has been put on bed rest effective immediately, and he will have to be around her 24/7 until the baby is born in two months. The other three wish him and his wife well, then discuss whether or not to play without him, when an attractive woman in her mid-30s, carrying a b...

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The Golf Pro

A golf pro is going over his morning instruction list and sees the usual: a lawyer, a CEO, etc… Looking down the list, he sees someone who listed prostitute. Finally, someone different!

He meets her out on the putting green and introduces himself. “I would like to start your lessons by seeing...

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A man sees an ad in the paper for a Big Dick club.

He decides he wants to join, so he goes to the next meeting.

He walks up to the secretary and says, “I’d like to join the big dick club.”

She responds, “How big is your dick?”

“Eighteen inches.”

The secretary bursts out into uncontrollable laughter. Not knowing what’s w...

Why did the cannibal bring his silverware to the comedy club?

He heard there would be an open Mike.

Before the quarantine I was going to strip clubs almost every day

But now they're all clothed until further notice.

Two men are playing a round of golf.

The third tee is close to a road, and just as one of the players is about to tee off he sees a funeral cortège driving slowly by. He breaks his shot, lays down his club, takes off his cap and bows his head as the procession passes.

‘Wow’ says his friend, ‘That was very respectful.’

...

A lottery winner celebrates by buying himself a Rolls-Royce and membership of the local golf club.

Obviously when he gets the car he has to drive it straight round to the golf club and make sure all the members get to see it, and he's ostentatiously buying drinks for the whole bar but sticking to lemonade himself because he's "got to drive the Roller home later, you know", and when it's time to g...

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Not a very good mind-reader

Not a very good mind reader



I was at crappy work related function when the act - a kind of magician/mind-reader - asked me the old "think of a card, any card" routine, and that he would be able to read my mind and name the card.

Him: Do you have the card in your mind?

M...

When is Fight Club scheduled to reopen?

there's no telling

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A man on a business trip in Japan

Goes out to a gentleman's club. He leaves with a dancer from the club and they go to his hotel room. They turn out the lights and things get steamy.

They are in the passion of the moment and he takes her clothes off and she takes his off. Before long he is on too of her.. the hard he goes th...

Where do Inuits go to party?

The seal club

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