Nobody's heard from the Zamboni drivers since the NHL cancelled their season.

I'm sure they'll resurface at some point.

I can’t believe it’s riot season already

I still have my Covid decorations up

God I would hate it if this covid pandemic kept going all the way through to tick season.

I really don’t like corona with Lyme.

3:15pm So the hockey season got cancelled in Canada because of the coronavirus

6:30pm Canada is now testing the vaccine for coronavirus

Lemme tell you something about Avatar Season 3.

It’s Fire.

I hope the Coronavirus issue gets resolved before tick season

Or else we'll have Corona with Lyme

My ex could season a fish like no other.

I miss my Old Bay.

How many Game of Thrones seasons does it take to change a lightbulb?

Eight, if you want to screw it completely.

The four seasons were arguing about which of them was the best…

Winter boasts, "Well, you can build snowmen and the snow is so beautiful!"

Spring laughs, "Well sure, but come springtime, everything is so fresh and new! All the new flowers, it can't get much better than that!"

Summer rays, "Yes, but I am undoubtably the overall best season! Girls in...

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A blind man went to a restaurant.

"Menu sir?" asked the owner.
"I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order." The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork, and returned to the blind man.
The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, "yes I will have the lamb with seasoned p...

Told my daughter basketball season was postponed because of the virus...

She said "they should ban baseball instead". Asked her why and she goes "wasn't this all caused by bats?"

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Redditors: please be careful this holiday season

Last night, I went to a Christmas party. I had a few beers, then a few cocktails, then a few shots ... I still had the sense to know I was over the limit. That’s when I decided to do why I have never done before: *I took a cab*. Sure enough, there was a police DUI checkpoint on the way home, and sin...

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Two hunters are out in the middle of deer season.

One hunter suddenly feels an intense urge to answer natures call and excuses himself to the bushes.

The second hunter, remaining in the deer blind, finds his prey, kills, and cleans the kill without his friend ever showing up. He goes off to find his buddy, soon discovers him asleep, sitting...

Quarantine seasonal travel

Oman, I really can't wait to Rome around.

Venice this going to get over?

You can't say when this lockdown will be over, Kenya?

Quarantine has made my Delhi routine too boring.

I've been Washingtons of utensils.

This Spain is real.

Stay home, stay safe. What'...

Someone once tried to tell me a really boring joke about chicken seasoning

I just said "Boo! Yawn!"

Four men are in the hospital

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins."

"That's odd," answers the man. "I work for the Minnesota Twins!"

A nurse says to the second guy, "Congratulations! ...

I was seasoning my steak when one of my spice container lids popped open and spilled all over.

It was quite the waste of thyme

Every year for my birthday my mom spends a fortune on sending me a gourmet selection of high-quality cashews, pistachios, and almonds. Specially selected and seasoned, I Googled how much she's been spending on these gifts: around $1,000 each.

It's just nuts.

The college basketball team at Indiana University had just finished their worst season in school history.

The head coach, Bob, knew the team needed a different approach next year.

In the off season, Bob was driving around town when he saw a panhandler at a stoplight, and realized that this panhandler was around college age, and looked close to 7 feet tall. Bob stopped his car to talk to him and ...

How do you get over seasonal depression?

You just fall out of it

“You’ve only seen the 1st, 3rd, and 5th seasons of Gilligan’s Island?”

“Yeah, I’m a Skipper.”

Three lads die on Christmas Eve...

Three lads die on Christmas Eve. They approach the pearly gates and St. Peter says that in the Spirit of Christmas, that if they can produce an item representing the Christmas season, they will gain admission. 

David the Englishman pulls out his lighter, flashes it and states, "'Tis a candle ...

Some seasons are cold

And summer hot

Be careful on the road this festive season. Lots of men are drinking

And getting their wives to drive

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students...

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing

out some of the rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and

the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking

this rule will be fined $20 the first ti...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

People keep telling me I don’t have Friends, but they are wrong.

I have all 10 seasons on DVD.

A farmer got an idea for how to make money off his farm in the off-season.

He had a huge property all bounded by a big, white fence end to end. Along that fence was an old country road where few people drove.

He decided he would set up a Christmas light display like he'd heard about others doing. It took him some time to gather all the lights necessary, but eventual...

Petition to start a rock season in the mountains...

Please don't take this for granite.

How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

The wife complained Hunting season keeps us separated to much.

So I agreed to take her along for the deer hunt.

Took her to a nice tree stand. Told her" you can shoot a buck or a doe. It doesn't matter

I'm going about 100 yds that way"

No more than got to my spot when I heard BANG BANG BANG. So I rushed to where I left my wife, only to find...

over the The next 3 months, there's going to be a drought in Germany

Definitely looks like a Drei season

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An old, gross joke about deer hunting



*This ancient joke pre-dates the Internet. It is from the South and is best told with a southern accent.*

I was deer hunting in the mountains of North Carolina. After about four hours I shot a nice 400lb buck. While I was hauling the dear back to my truck, I was stopped by the game wa...

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It's amazing how Seasons work. I'm in Japan, it's mid December and I'm freezing...

But apparently back in England it's the end of May.


(Edit: an article or the two)

My friend still hasn’t seen season 8 of Game of Thrones. And every time I try to broach the subject she just yells at me, “No Spoilers!” So I gave up on trying to warn her

That she shouldn’t name her baby, Khaleesi.

Some of us live thousands of miles away from most of our relatives and can't be with them this holiday season...

... Please don't be jealous

Why was Chewbacca so happy after his son's first baseball season?

He got Wookie of the year.

The anti-vaxx basketball team lost every game this season

Apparently they never take any shots.

Three prisoners are about to be executed. They are asked what they wish to have for their last meal.

The Italian asks for pepperoni pizza, which he is served and then taken away.

The Frenchmen requests a filet mignon, which he is served and also taken away.

The Jewish man requests a plate of strawberries.

The captors are surprised and reply: “Strawberries?”


“Yes, Str...

Two boxers go head to head for the biggest match of the season!

In one corner we have Timmy “The Lemon” Dorah!

And in the other corner we have Tommy “The Lime” Jokata!

Both men are known for their vastly different capabilities, Timmy having an extremely weak body, but insanely strong arms, and Tommy being known for his insanely strong body and extr...

What happens to a chipmunk during mating season?

They get kinda squirrelly.

A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police.

He's now a seasoned veteran.

Always a seasonal delight, today we will look at how to make a pumpkin roll :

Step 1. Get a pumpkin.

Step 2. Take your pumpkin to the top of a hill.

Step 3. Give it a little push.

Step 4. Enjoy.

I have seasonal allergies.

I’m allergic to pumpkin spice.

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a Christmas candle", he said.

"You may pass through the ...

COVID-19 - It’s in the game

If you think COVID-19 is bad, you’ll be terrified to hear that EA Sports have bought the rights to COVID-20.

Surviving, vaccine and toilet paper are chargeable DLC packs - with Pay-to-Live (PTL) packs available from Season 2 onwards.

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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

There once was a wise old man...

There once was a wise old man in a village. Old beyond memory, he channeled the knowledge of nature and the divine for his fellow townsfolk.


Many came to him with questions, until one day he took a vow of silence, shuttering his open door. Instead, he turned to his untended field. He wou...

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A bear started a cleaning program after a season

He gathered all the animals and gave each of them a task.
But 1 animal was missimg, a rabbit.
The bear was searching for him for couple of hours without finding him.
But then he noticed some movement in nearby bush.
He said: "Rabbit is that you ?"
He responded with: "Yes"
Then bear...

What do Seasons 1-5 of GOT and The Lion King prove?

Sometimes the greatest stories of our time have a healthy dose of incest

As a security guard, my Boss said my job is to watch the office

I’m on season 6 so far, and not sure what this has to do with security.

Stalin approaches a farmer and asks: "Comrade, how many potatoes have we grown this season?"

"Enough to reach God, Comrade Stalin!" replied the farmer.

"But there is no God" said Stalin

"Ah," said the farmer, "as there are no potatoes."

What's the worst way to introduce yourself to a seasoning?

Cumin side her.

Time flies when you name your bird after seasoning.

I am aware that the correct spelling is thyme

One night at a local bar frequented by a bunch of deer hunters who were waiting for the opening day of deer season, the local sheriff scoped out the joint for possible drunk drivers.

As he waited, eventually a patron stumbled out of the bar, fumbled for his keys, tried them in three different cars until he finally found his, got inside and rested his head on the steering wheel. The deputy knew he had his drunk driver, so now all he had to do was wait for him to start his engine ...

The Golden State Warriors will be playing in an empty arena tonight, due to Coronavirus.

And the Los Angeles Chargers have already announced that, next season, they will continue to play in an empty stadium.

To all my friends this holiday season, if you're going to be drinking, please don't drive.

The other night at a party, I got a little tipsy, so I left the car behind and took the bus home. It was great because along the way, while cars were being stopped for breathalyzers, the police just waved the bus right through and I was able to get home. In the end, I had no idea I could drive a bus...

I'm a teacher. If your child is doing school work at home in the coming weeks and you’re struggling then please feel free to ask...

... someone else as I want to watch every season of The Wire

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The final season of game of thrones is a lot like porn.

Awful dialogue, shallow plot, and the characters just keep getting fucked.

Does anyone know the cost to maintain Fenway Park from season to season?

I don’t need exact figures, just a ballpark estimate.

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant, and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season, but one day, went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun. So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appea...

A Native American boy and his father are walking by a creek

The boy looks to his father and asks, “Father, why does my sister have the name Beautiful River?”

The father answers, “That’s because she was conceived next to the most beautiful river.”

Unsatisfied with the answer, he asks, “So why is my brother named Golden Sky?”

“Because he...

Bang bang

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. The 80-year-old says, "I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considers his question for a minute and then...

Have you heard about the seasonal camping sale?

It is the winter of discount tents!

Flavored lube is technically meat seasoning if you think about it

Wouldn’t use it on the grill, though

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A lion takes a drink in the Serengeti

So there’s this lion in the Serengeti and he goes to drink water from a puddle. It’s the dry season and he’s happy, so he’s there drinking the water with his tail in the air. All the sudden this gorilla comes out of nowhere from behind and gives him the old Liberachi. Then the gorilla takes off, and...

The game in the first episode of the new season of black mirror wasn't going to be called striking vipers

They wanted to call it Smash Bros but it was already taken

Deaths since GoT Season Premiere:

Lady Lyanna..

Jorah..

Theon..

Melissandre..

The Night King..

3627 Walruses who fell from the top of a hill because the ICE IS MELTING AND PLANET EARTH IS IN DANGER AND OMG WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT ASAP

Vladimir Putin and Dmitri Medvedev go into a restaurant...

They sit and read the menu, which is meat entres with sides offered, such as seasonal veggies, steamed cauliflower, home fries, etc. A waitress approaches.

"Can I take your order?"

Putin: "I will order the steak."

"And what about the vegetable?"

Putin: "The vegetable will...

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Back in the day, a Minnesotian farmer visits the doctor...

He says: "Doc, I've got this problem and it's a little bit embarrasing and annoying."
"Oh", the doctor says. "Tell me what your issue is."

"Well", says the famer. " You see, I work in the fields and in the woods all day and when I get home in the evenings and can relax, I am just too tir...

What do the last ten minutes of Dexter and the last season of Game of Thrones have in common?

They ruin eight years of your life.

What did the turmeric say when there was a knock on the door during Christmas Dinner??

"Cumin! Tis' the season!"

My girlfriend climaxed at the season finale of Rick and Morty

She also climaxed at the finale of Iron fist.

And again at the season Finale of Game of Thrones.

She keeps coming to conclusions

My head chef had his 10 year anniversary in work today. I put some salt and pepper on him.

He's a seasoned professional

Sports joke...

Two older gentlemen, Steve and Dave, strangers until they met at the Superbowl.

Dave notes the empty seat between the two.

Steve sighs. "...that was my wife's seat. We were season ticket holders and went to every game until she passed away."

Dave says, "I'm sorry to hear that....

70% of dishes are under-seasoned, according to a recent survey by the seasoning manufacturers' association. Obviously, this is biased.

Take it with a grain of salt.

During the rush of the holiday season, Sarah completely forgot to mail a Christmas card to her best friend.

She hurries into the post office with a card and asks the postal service worker for a first-class stamp.



“Do I have to put this stamp on myself?” she asks.



“No,” the postal employee replies. “You can put it right on the envelope.”

2019 Everest Climbing Season is like a M. Night Shyamalan Movie

They are all dead, they just don't know it yet.

Why weren't there multiple seasons of crucifixions?

People lost interest after the Pilate episode.

Just finished watching WW2 in colour..

Cant wait for season 3, says it's coming out in the near future.

The worlds two largest manufacturers of broth seasoning cubes are merging.

It was a multi-bouillon dollar deal.

Would I say that I'm excited for Arrested Development season 5B?

Abso-Bluth-ly!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not seasonal but here it so you can use it later:

I just bought a Jehovah's Witness advent calendar...



Every time you open a door someone tells you to fuck off

Warden to guy on Death Row

Hey Fella, what do you want for your last meal??

Strawberries!

Warden responds... They’re out of Season

Then I’ll wait!

Today of all days, don’t forget the reason for the season...

...the axial tilt of the Earth relative to the sun.

I have to say after watching the impeachment voting...

This has to be the most interesting season of the apprentice yet!

There are only two seasons in Russia:

Winter and nuclear winter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the weather got in common with me masturbating in a hotel?

We both come in Four Seasons

I became a chef after I left the army.

Some would say I am a seasoned veteran.

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada. He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...

It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.


The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.

His feet feel refreshed!

The street has gorgeous slopes and embankments, li...

I guess the Rams ended the Super Bowl the way they ended the season.

13-3.

Three mathematicians have known each other for years.

An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician, they decide to go bow hunting one season. While on the trail, they spot their first buck. The physicist run some calculations, decides that air resistance is negligible, and aims accordingly. His arrow falls short by 20 feet. The engineer runs some more ...

I can’t bear it

A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their whole lives studying the majestic grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study these wondrous beasts.

Finally, their request was granted and they immediately...

A Christmas Story

One particular Christmas season a long time ago Santa was ready for his Christmas run... but there were problems. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Cla...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Damn girl are you the green fish from Spongebob season 2, episode 20: Sandy, Spongebob, and the Worm, at exactly 21:52?

Because I'm gonna eat that ass.

A convent in a small Italian village ran out of seasoning as they were prepping meals for orphans.

One of the older nuns decided she'd quickly ride her bicycle through town to market and pick some up. As nuns do not travel alone, a younger sister accompanied her.

The streets seemed lined with more of the townspeople than usual on this day and while the nuns were at the market a boistero...

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