How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

The anti-vaxx basketball team lost every game this season

Apparently they never take any shots.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The final season of game of thrones is a lot like porn.

Awful dialogue, shallow plot, and the characters just keep getting fucked.

Does anyone know the cost to maintain Fenway Park from season to season?

I don’t need exact figures, just a ballpark estimate.

2019 Everest Climbing Season is like a M. Night Shyamalan Movie

They are all dead, they just don't know it yet.

Deaths since GoT Season Premiere:

Lady Lyanna..

Jorah..

Theon..

Melissandre..

The Night King..

3627 Walruses who fell from the top of a hill because the ICE IS MELTING AND PLANET EARTH IS IN DANGER AND OMG WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT ASAP

A farmer got an idea for how to make money off his farm in the off-season.

He had a huge property all bounded by a big, white fence end to end. Along that fence was an old country road where few people drove.

He decided he would set up a Christmas light display like he'd heard about others doing. It took him some time to gather all the lights necessary, but eventual...

During the rush of the holiday season, Sarah completely forgot to mail a Christmas card to her best friend.

She hurries into the post office with a card and asks the postal service worker for a first-class stamp.

​

“Do I have to put this stamp on myself?” she asks.

​

“No,” the postal employee replies. “You can put it right on the envelope.”

Why weren't there multiple seasons of crucifixions?

People lost interest after the Pilate episode.

Stalin approaches a farmer and asks: "Comrade, how many potatoes have we grown this season?"

"Enough to reach God, Comrade Stalin!" replied the farmer.

"But there is no God" said Stalin

"Ah," said the farmer, "as there are no potatoes."

What do the last ten minutes of Dexter and the last season of Game of Thrones have in common?

They ruin eight years of your life.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It's amazing how Seasons work. I'm in Japan, it's mid December and I'm freezing...

But apparently back in England it's the end of May.


(Edit: an article or the two)

Would I say that I'm excited for Arrested Development season 5B?

Abso-Bluth-ly!

I guess the Rams ended the Super Bowl the way they ended the season.

13-3.

The four seasons were arguing about which of them was the best.

Winter: Well you can build snowmen, and the snow is so beautiful. And Christmas!! Everyone loves Christmas!

Spring: Well sure but come springtime everything is so fresh and new! All the new flowers, it can't get much better than that!

Summer: yes but I am undoubtably the overall best...

Today of all days, don’t forget the reason for the season...

...the axial tilt of the Earth relative to the sun.

Some of us live thousands of miles away from most of our relatives and can't be with them this holiday season...

... Please don't be jealous

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Elephant's Mating Season

A guy applies for a job at the zoo. The head keeper of the zoo said, "Your job will be to clean out the elephant cage. But, I have to warn you it's mating season and they will jump on just about anything." "Don't worry," the guy replied, "I've worked with elephants before."

Half way through h...

As a man, I love Christmas season!

I *never* get questioned about having glitter anywhere on me

To all my friends this holiday season, if you're going to be drinking, please don't drive.

The other night at a party, I got a little tipsy, so I left the car behind and took the bus home. It was great because along the way, while cars were being stopped for breathalyzers, the police just waved the bus right through and I was able to get home. In the end, I had no idea I could drive a bus...

What kind of car does one drive in the fall season?

An autumnobile. (I made this joke when I was a kid, but it’s OC, so...)

Damn girl are you the green fish from Spongebob season 2, episode 20: Sandy, Spongebob, and the Worm, at exactly 21:52?

Because I'm gonna eat that ass.

Why do republicans eat bland food?

They refuse to season anything liberally.

One night at a local bar frequented by a bunch of deer hunters who were waiting for the opening day of deer season, the local sheriff scoped out the joint for possible drunk drivers.

As he waited, eventually a patron stumbled out of the bar, fumbled for his keys, tried them in three different cars until he finally found his, got inside and rested his head on the steering wheel. The deputy knew he had his drunk driver, so now all he had to do was wait for him to start his engine ...

Hurricane Season

The husband was ready for the last major hurricane to threaten their home, but his wife was not.

When the wind reached a screaming pitch with the trees snapping and threshing, the horizontal streaming rain, flying roofing iron and destroyed fences as well as the unnerving sound-levels, his...

'Tis the season

A man came home after another long day at work and found his son making a list.

Curiosity rising, he asked, "What's the list for?"
"I'm making a list of gifts I want!"
"It's still months away from Santa coming to see you, and your birthday just passed."
"Santa? No, this list is for ...

Male preying mantises when mating season starts: finally!

Male preying mantises after mating season:

I only had 5 minutes to season my Lamb before it went in the oven

It was a race agaisnt thyme

What did the EA say to ubisoft?

You must purchase the r/jokes season pass to see this

A man is at a restaurant and he asks a waiter,”Sir, are you not going to season my food?”

And the waiter replies,”I’m sorry but I don’t have thyme.”

What are the only two seasons in Michigan?

Winter and road construction.

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling...

"I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an 18 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day ...

It's allergy season upon us, so remember to say "pika" before you sneeze

and if you forget, just say "bacca" after!

People always ask me what’s the best pastry

I tell them it’s quiche but with a special ingredient and it’s best at a certain time of the year but they never believe me

No one expects the Spinach in Quiche Season

A pretty girl knocks on the door and asks if he needs yard work

Johnny looks at her and is skeptical at first. He never saw a female gardener before, much less someone so attractive. He decides to give her a chance, and asks her to mow his lawn.

To his astonishment, she not only does an excellent job, but mows in an elaborate pattern that turns the lawn ...

I couldn’t figure out why the season of The Apprentice I was watching was going on for so long. Each week someone gets fired, but we never seem to get down to the final winner!

Then I realized, I was just watching the news.

Four men are waiting in the hospital...

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”

“That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!”

A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! ...

A tv show about the earth would be really boring

It would just be the same 4 seasons over and over again being rerun.

If you ever have trouble spelling the word "Christmas" this holiday season, just remember:

There's Noël.

What are the four seasons called in New England?

Almost winter, Winter, Still winter, and 3 months of bad sledding.

Guys, please don't drink and drive this holiday season!

If you want to drive safely we can help.

Please call us. We have senior experienced people of all ages


Our volunteers will come and drink for you so you can drive safely

I was hosting a funeral for my goldfish, and my friend thought it was okay to ask "What herbs should I season which fish with?"

I told him "Come on dude, there's a thyme and plaice."

So a Catholic walks into a bar.... during Lent[Long] [Cultural context wise kinda inappropriate given the season]

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; wouldn’t you ra...

How can you watch season 6 of Breaking Bad?

Convince Gilligan

So we wont see season 8 of Game of Thrones until 2019

They're really dragon it out

My English teacher told this one to my whole class

So a guide in an university does a quick tour of the campus with new male students. She shows the science department, the arts and sports departments, and then she stops at the women’s dormitory.

“You guys are NOT allowed to go there, the first time we catch you in the women’s dormitory, the ...

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the gates of heaven.

"In honor of this holy season," he said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "This represents a candle," he said.

"Very well, you may pass through the pearl...

On the first day of the deer hunting season

a hunter fell out of a deer stand and broke both his legs.

"Why couldn't this happen on my last day of hunting?!" the hunter cried to the doctor.

"It did," the doctor replied.

What did the sign say at the nude beach during off season?

Sorry, were clothed.

A struggling zoo's main attraction, a gorilla, dies during their most popular season.

They can't afford to lose the gorilla so they secretly hire one of the employees to be a gorilla in a suit for an extra $500 a week.

He quickly becomes even more popular than the original gorilla, everyone wants to see the human-like gorilla.

After a few months his popularity begins to...

So excited for the season finale of America

I hope there's another season though...

I just walked past White Hart Lane and found 3 Spurs season tickets nailed to a wall.

I thought of having them.

Nails always come in handy.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old farmer is known across the state for his giant pumpkins.

Every year he takes the blue ribbon at the state fair for biggest pumpkin, and every year his town throws a Pumpkin Parade for him where he drives the winner down Main Street in the back of his pickup, the local marching band plays, the mayor makes a speech--- the whole works. Makes the front page ...

Jon Snows going to feel itchy during the GOT season finale!

What else would you expect with aunts in your pants?

Had an issue with how the latest season of Game of Thrones ended:

Bit of an auntie climax don't you think?

What did the soldier use to season his fries?

A salt rifle.

One cold winter morning, during the Christmas season, a mailman was doing his route.

As he was
delivering all the Christmas cards, he came to a
house and realized that they had so much mail that
it wouldn't fit in the box, so he decided to knock
on the door.

As the door was answered, a beautiful blond woman
stood staring at him. The mailman said "I'm sorry
...

First day of school

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory will be off limits to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybo...

Off-season for traumatologists

Is when motorcyclists no longer show up and snowboarders aren't showing up yet.

Why does Melania Trump love the Christmas season?

Because there’s no orange in cider.

A farmer is having a bad harvesting season.

Nothing grew. He's trying to think about how to break the news to his wife and kids. They'll lose the house. They could starve. They spent so many hours tilling the fields and breaking their backs and they have nothing to show for it. He thinks of all the hours of his children's youth that he stole ...

What did Donald Trump say on the season finale of Celebrity President?

"Nuclear missiles ... you're fired!"

It's allergy season. If my nose keeps running,

I'm going to have to buy it new shoes.

My friend owns a store and he hadn't made any profit, even during the back to school season.

Me- You should consider moving your store.

Friend- I cant!

Me- Why?

Friend- Coz its stationery.

What do Rick and Morty season 3 and my girlfriend have in common?

They both don't exist

The Detroit Lions are having there worst football season ever

They haven't been able to catch the ball or even score a single touchdown because they have an atrocious quarterback. One night, the Lions manager is watching the news when he sees footage of the Bosnian Civil war. While he is watching, he sees a rebel fighter run up to a government building and tos...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Value of a season ticket!

A woman was reading a newspaper one morning and said A her husband,

'Look at this, dear. There's an article here about a man who traded his wife for a season ticket to Arsenal. You wouldn't do a thing like that,-would you?'

'Of course I wouldn't!' replied her husband. 'The season's alm...

A man name Bob was taking his friend deer hunting for the first time...

He had hyped up the hunting trip all year, as they waited for deer season to arrive. The season starts and Bob drives his friend, Dave, to the land where Dave would kill his first deer.


They had the whole weekend, but after almost two days at it, they hadn't seen heads nor tails of the ...

A magician is traveling through Europe performing his flashy new fountain-pen act

He sells out shows in Paris, London, Berlin, Prague, and Amsterdam. People begin calling him "Bic Jesus"

Everywhere he went, crowds would gather to see him perform his Montblanc mastery. Men wanted to be him, and women wanted to be with him.

This all changed one fateful spring day. ...

People: You can't have all four seasons in the space of 24 hours!

Ohio: Hold my beer.

*inspired by the fact that yesterday it was 74F and had thunderstorms, and today it's 30F and snowing.*

Winter is like the Justin Bieber of seasons

It's cute and exciting when it first starts out but then it gets obnoxious and should stay in Canada.

Four expectant fathers pace back and forth in a hospital waiting room while their wives are in labor.

The nurse enters and tells the first man, “Congratulations, you’re the father of twins!”

​

“What a coincidence,” the man says. “I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.”

​

A little later, the nurse returns and tells the second man, “You are the ...

It's prom season

So this guy is taking his girlfriend to the high school prom, and he's got a lot of work to do.
First he has to rent a tux, so he goes to the tuxedo store. But there's a huge tuxedo line at the store. Finally, he gets out of there and realizes he has to buy a corsage, so he goes to a florist. ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A farmer separated the bulls and cows to prepare them for mating season.

The farmer constructed a wall of barbed wire to segregate the bulls and the cows.

A few days later One Bull was already feeling very Horny.

Other bulls told him that there was one Veteran Bull Consultant in the herd, who could help. The bull went to him & asked how to cross the ...

What did Trump think about the GoT season finale? (Spoilers)

"I could build a better wall"

The human cannonball informs the circus manager that he plans to retire at the end of season.

The distraught manager protests "Where am I going to find another employee of your caliber?"

It was almost prom season...

So it was almost prom season, and this guy was thinking about asking a girl to be his date. First he went to the craft store, because nowadays you have to be crazy and extravagant to ask someone to prom, just asking is too lame. Once he finally gets all of his stuff together, he goes to pay, and the...

The camping shop in Stratford-upon-Avon is having a sale of last season's stock. Their slogan....?

Now.. is the winter of our discount tents.

Why is it called tourist season

If we can't shoot at them

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