As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field.

But hay, it’s in my jeans

What stands in a field and goes "Oooooooooh!"?

A cow with no lips.

A murder-for-hire occurred in a rice field using small china ornaments as the weapon

It was a knick-knack paddy whack

[Long] Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the ground. So large that they can't see the bottom of this hole. "I wonder how deep it is.", the first man says. The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into hole. They wait and listen....

....nothing. "Wow!", they both exclaim. "Let's try something else.", says one man to the other. They spot a large rock nearby, and with a struggle, they get the rock to the hole. They roll it in, wait and listen....still nothing. " My goodness! How deep this hole must be!", says one man. " Let's try...

Why did the cows keep returning to the field of marijuana?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

A man admitted to beating a cow to death in a rice field with two porcelain figures,

Cops say this is the first known case of a Knick Knack Patty Wack .

I took a picture of a wheat field today...

It came out pretty grainy.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two cows stood in a field...

The first one said "MooooOOOOoooo"
The second one said "You bastard, I was gonna say that!"

A farmer is out in his field...

A farmer is out in his field planting seeds. Once he finishes, he makes arrangements to sell the farm and purchase some nearby land.

​

The other people in his small town are puzzled by this, but they brush it off as some eccentric behavior.

​

After p...

An FBI agent tells a Montana Rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The old rancher says, "Ok, but don't go into that field over there."

The agent verbally explodes saying, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.' Reaching into his rear pant pocket and removing his badge. The officer proudly displays it to the farmer. 'See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questi...

2 cows were in a field..

So 2 cows were in a field, one said “did you hear about mad cow disease”
The other cow said “what do I care, I’m a helicopter”
hahahahahahahahahah

A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.

But when he rounded them up, he had 300.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A farmer has successfully grown dildos in his field

But now he’s having trouble with squatters

What do you call 18 wheat fields in france?

Dix-huit fields.

What do you call it when a plane with 72 virgins crashes into a field?

Heaven on earth.

A Soviet army is walking through a finnish field in 1939 during the winter war. Suddenly a voice yells at the other side of a hill.

The voice says: "one finnish soldier is equal to ten soviets"

The soviet commander sends ten soldiers to the hill. They hear gunfire, then silence. Soon the same voice yells again:
"One finnish soldier is equal to a hundred soviets!"

Angry soviet commander sends a hundred soldiers ...

A farmer was working out in the field with his three daughters one day when he saw a car approach

A strapping young man stepped out of the car and approached the farmer confidently.

'Hello sir. My name's Dean, and I'm here to take Jean to the dairy Queen'

The farmer respects the lads courteous approach and says, 'Alright Jean off you go, you kids enjoy yourselves'. Not five minutes...

Two windmills are standing in a field.

One asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"

The other one says, "I’m a big metal fan dude.

A farmer accidentally let his cows graze on his weed field

Dinner that night was high steaks

What's transparent and runs in the fields?

A herd of wild windows

What do you get if you sit in a Spanish field?

A grassy-ass

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When you become a professional in a field yet you're a dirty fecker.

*Doctor*: "Please take off your clothes."

*Dentist*: "Now open wide and hold still "

*Veterinarian*: "How's your pretty pussy.?"

*Gardener*: "Want me to fertilize your bush?"

*Lawyer*: "Let's go over section 69."

*Banker*: "If you withdraw too early you lose intere...

Two particles are trapped in a field

One particle says to the other "I got you some flowers, you may have them if you quantum"

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

An Egyptian farmer refuses to believe his fields had flooded...

He was in De Nile.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Paddy is plowing his field with a steamroller.

Seamus comes up to him and says "Paddy, you don't plow a field with a steamroller you stupid bastard".

Paddy stops mid-field, looking at Seamus in disbelief.

Finally, Paddy says: "I'm growing mashed potatoes, you thick cunt".

There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast. On his way in he kicked a cow, a pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's the deal?" he asks.

His mom says " You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you."

Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicks the cat.

The boy says "Will you tell him, or should I ?"

A blonde is sitting in the middle of a field in a rowboat...

Another blonde walks up on the sidewalk and says:

"You give blondes like me a bad name! If I could swim I'd come over there and kick your ass!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Playing golf and sliced into a field of buttercups.

As I was ready to hit I heard a voice that said “don’t hurt any buttercups”

I asked “who are you?”

“I’m Mother Nature, if you can chip out of this field of buttercups without harming a single one, I will guarantee you have butter everyday for the rest of your life”

I responded “...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Mike and Andy were walking through a field... (NSFW)

...when they came across a goat with its head stuck in a fence. Naturally, Mike took advantage of the situation and started fucking the goat from behind. Andy saw what was going on, and said "Jesus, that looks like fun!"

So he bent over and stuck his head in the fence, too.

A horse and a hen are playing in a field...

One day a horse and a hen are playing in a field. The horse gets stuck in a puddle of mud, and starts to sink. The hen is frantically searching for anything to help her friend, so she decides to go back to the barn. There, she grabs the keys to the farmer’s Mercedes and drives to where the horse is ...

What do you call a murder over a set of porcelain figurines in the middle of a rice field?

A knick-knack-paddy-wack

(100% stolen from somewhere, I still think it's funny)

Two bees met in a field

Two bees met in a field. One said to the other, “The weather has been cold, wet and damp, and there aren’t any flowers, blooming so I can’t make any honey!”

​

“No problem,” said the first bee, “Just fly down five blocks and turn left. Keep going until you see all the cars....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A 1st grade teacher brings his class out for a science field trip to the local park

At the park, one of the kids screams "oh look! There's a big doggy poo poo here!"

The teacher requests that the class gather around and explains

"Look kids, I just taught you about our five senses haven't I?

Don't just rely on one of your senses to observe the world. We have fiv...

When I couldn't go a whole day without frolicking through a field, I knew...

I was addicted to gamboling.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 guys are in the running for a position as a field agent for the CIA.

(This is long and on mobile, hope you enjoy)

For the final test the supervising agent picks up the first guy from his house and after driving around for a while and arriving at their destination, the first guy looks up and asks what is going on because they were back where they started, in t...

Two farmers are walking through a field...

Two farmers are walking through a field and come across a huge sinkhole in the ground.

“Wow!” says the first farmer, “I wonder how far down this thing goes.”

He takes a penny from his pocket and throws it into the sinkhole. The two farmers listen, but they never hear it hit the bottom...

How did the locomotive become so outstanding in his field?

He trained hard.

The Patriots had to re-sod their field.

Even the grass wont root for them.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My sons school was having "career day". When he came home, he was complaining that there wasn't any information available in his fields of interest.

I said "what do you want to after high school?"

He replies "either be a pizza delivery man or a pool skimmer" ..........

​

​

​

I'm pretty sure the little shit found my porn stash.

Job offered: joined the exciting field of TSA

Title: TSA inspections officer

Location: Florida

Starting date: Immediately

Pay: Eventually

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were standing looking at a prize cow in a field.

The Englishman says “Look at that fine English cow.” The Irishman disagreed, saying “No, it’s an Irish cow.”
The Scotsman thought for a moment and then clinched the argument. “No, it’s a Scottish cow – it’s got bagpipes underneath”.

Rumor has it that distraught Chicago Bear's field goal kicker Cody Parker tried to end his life recently.

The bullet went wide right.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A new discovery in the medical field has now yielded nymphomanics new hope to combat their urges...

Studies shows that cryotherapy is a great way to chill the fuck out.

An airplane carrying politicians crashed in a farmers field...

When the police showed up they asked the farmer of there were any survivors

He said " I buried all of them, a cpuple said we're still alive, but them politicians like to lie."

An Indian Chief and a Pilgrim are out hunting in the fields.

Chief - "Never hunted with white man before."

Pilgrim - "Don't worry I aim well. Last year I took down a..."

The Chief stops walking and slowly kneels down and places his right ear against the ground.

The Chief stands up. "Buffalo. Come."

Pilgrim - "How do you know?"
...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Yesterday, my friend swore that his fields were constantly covered in mysterious crap that kept reappearing week after week after week.

It was all bull shit.

A third-grade class is on a field trip to the museum when they come across a mummy exhibit.

The display has a sign in front saying “2982 BC.”

One of the kids asks his friend, “What do you suppose that means?”

His friend thinks for a few seconds, then concludes, “It must be the license plate number of the car that hit him.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two farmers meet in the middle of a field

One farmer says to the other

“what are you doin with that chicken wire”

He responds “well I’m gonna go into town and get me a chicken”

“You can’t get no chicken with a chicken wire” responds the farmer

And sure enough the next day the farmer came back with a truck load ...

Two bulls were in a field when a new cow was released from the pen.

"Who is the new cow?" Asked one.

"Never seen herbivore." Said the other.

Normal farmers get all the credit for being outstanding in their field...

...Meanwhile all the fish farmers are out there wading for recognition.

Two cows are standing in a field.

One cow says, “Man that mad cow disease sure is scary isn’t it?”

The other responds, “Yea it is, thank god I’m a helicopter.”

A cow walks into a pot field...

The steaks have never been higher.

What award did Gregor Mendel receive for his work in the field of Genetics?

The Nobel Peas Prize.

My teacher told me a current carrying conductor produces a magmetic field. I disagreed.

Teacher said, "I am the teacher."

I said, "I don't give a flux."

Last time I was in jail I felt like a crop field in 1860

Cause I was being plowed by black guys all day long

A conspiracy theorist who doesn't believe in Zeus walks out into a field during a thunderstorm wearing his tinfoil hat to test his theory.

Needless to say, he was shocked when he learned the truth.

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:20 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:10 one.”

My track and field team complained that the hurdles were too short

But I'm not worried, they'll get over it

What did the paleontologist say to his wife after 6 months in the field ?

You wanna bone?

Scientists were divided over the effects of the changes in the earth's magnetic field.

They were polarized!

Why did the cows have to flee the farm's cannabis field?

Because the steaks were high when the pigs rolled in...

A few numbers were on a field trip (dont mind my character choice)....

...when they stopped to admire the view and take a rest for a bit.

Four, being a good painter, decides to spend the break by painting some things. But instead of painting the view, he paints the beautiful pickup truck they have been riding on.

After he finished, he realized how well ma...

A farmer finds a bunch of dead birds in his fields...

He figured it must have been a murder of crows

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One day, a space ship landed in a farmer's field.

A Martian man and his wife got out and introduced themselves to the farmer and his wife.

As a token of his friendship, the farmer immediately invited the Martian couple in his home and begged them to stay for the evening and have dinner, so the Martians agreed.

Later that night, the ...

Why did the spaghetti miss the field trip?

It lost its parmesan slip.

Three young buffalo were hanging out in field chatting.

Two of them were talking about how lame their dads' jokes were, when they realized the third buffalo, Timmy, didn't seem to have a dad. They apologized to him for being inconsiderate.

"It's ok," Timmy said. "My dad was the most committed to "dad jokes" out of all of ours. 3 years ago I ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three Friends Goes On A Hunting Trip.

3 friends are on a hunting trip in the woods. After a successful day, they brought a buck back to their camp to field dress. They then proceed to get drunk and are having a all around good time. One of the hunters announces that he has to take a shit, so he shuffles off into the woods for privacy. S...

A woman is lying dead in a field. One item could have saved her life. What is it?

I'll reply with the right answer if it's not guessed tomorrow.

Two wind turbines are stood in a field.

One wind turbine turns to the other. "Have you been watching the football recently?" asks the turbine.

"No," says the other. "I'm not really a big fan."

Blonde in a field.

A blonde woman is driving down a road when she sees another blonde in the middle of a field and she appears to be swimming. Angry at the site, the blonde driver slams on the brakes, hops out of the car and screams "YOU KNOW, IT IS BLONDES LIKE YOU THAT GIVE BLONDES LIKE ME A BAD NAME!!" The blonde i...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Nsfw a rabbit and a bear cross a field and stumble on a green lamp.

The rabbit spoting the lamp instinctively rubbed it and in his astonishment and with a large puff of smoke a genie appeared coughing and splutering...

"Wow thank you both for releasing me its been ages since my last release. As customary i grant you both three wishes of your hearts desire"...

50 cows and 1 bull were standing in a field...

A sudden strong breeze came and blew all the cows over, but not the bull. A cow walked over and asked the bull, why didn't that breeze blow you over? The bull replied, we bulls wobble but we don't fall down

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A team of archaeologists were working in Jerusalem when they found a slab of rock with five figures carved on it.

In order the figures were:

1) A Woman. 2) A Donkey. 3) A Shovel. 4) A Fish. 5) A Star of David.

After months of studying the rock and figures on it, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings were several thousands of years old but even so they revealed a...

Two melons are sitting in a field, talking about how much they love each other...

The first melon talks about how it wants a great big wedding, and how all their fruit and vegetable friends will be there to celebrate. The other melon wants them to run away together and have a 4-H judge do a quick ceremony. They argue passionately back and forth, when exasperated the second melon ...

Experts from different fields were asked the question: "What is 2+2?"

**Engineer**: Between 3.9 and 4.1, but let's make it 5 just to be safe.

**Physicist**: 10.

**Mathematician**: I don't know, but I can prove it converges.

**Chemist**: Realistic yield is less than 0.5.

**Logician**: 2+2

**Philosopher**: The real question is *why* ...

One day, a farmer found a strange, ancient-looking stone in his field.

Inscribed into it were characters of an apparent forgotten alphabet. Images of priests in strange clothing conducting some bizarre ritual had been carved into the surface as well.



Not knowing whether his find was worth a fortune (and curious to know what was said on the tablet), the ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A married couple find 2 aliens in a field.

A married couple find a male and a female alien in a field and decide to have sex with them to see what its like. After about a half an hour of sex, the two humans meet up to talk about what it was like. The wife tells the husband "It was the greatest sex I have ever had! When I pulled on his right ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two amish women are in a field harvesting potatoes.

One amish woman holds up two potatoes and sighs.

The other amish woman says "What's the matter?"

"These potatoes remind me of my husband's testicles." replied the first woman.

"Oh, that big?" said the second woman.

"No, that dirty."

People say Cows are Dumb

But I’ve never seen one that wasn’t out standing in its field.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Irish farmer is out in his field minding his own business.

He's tidying up down by the fence next to the road.

A posh limey comes gliding up in his Rolls Royce.

Paddy, that's the Irish farmer, didn't hear the limey roll up so the limey honks his horn, startling Paddy.

"I say," asked the limey "does this road go to the Blarney Stone my...

My friends who work the fields organised a party for me without me knowing.

It was quite a peasant surprise.

Why does the farmer let walkers cross his field for free?....

....because the bull charges.

I tried to take some High Res pictures of my farmland and fields.

They still came out pretty grainy.

The school field trip

A group of 2nd, 3rd and 4th graders, accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses, but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher ...

A philosopher, a biologist, a mathematician and a YouTube celebrity spot a cow in a field whilst on their first trip to Scotland.

Upon discerning the brown colour of the cow’, the philosopher exclaimed ‘Aha! My fellows, you see what knowledge we have garnered? I can hereby assert: cows in Scotland are brown!’

The biologist replied acerbically, ‘Not so fast, my dear friend. It is safe only to assert thus: there are cows ...