A goalkeeper hosted a celebratory dinner at his house after his team won the league championship.

Before dinner, he asked the coach to say grace. The coach concluded his prayer by saying, “We ask that you bless this food in the name of the father, and of the son, and of the goalie host.”

I just watched the World Heavy Metal Knitting Championship in Finland.

It was pretty knots!

So, a guy is at the Superbowl championship game when he notices the seat next to his is empty.

He finds this very odd but forgets about it quickly. A little bit later he notices that the seat is still empty. He tries to forget about it and focus on the game. An empty seat at the Superbowl is just too weird though. He then asks the guy in the seat two seats over if he knows what's up with the ...

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World Wrestling Championship. At the final are American and Japanese wrestlers.

Before the game, the American coach said:

- See John. I have not told you yet, but this Japanese is very strong and very corrupt. He has a favorite grip. If he applies it, everything is lost.

- No problem, trainer. I'll handle him somehow.

The fight begins. The wrestlers go out ...

Why hasn’t columbine won a basketball championship since 1999?

They lost their best shooters

Winner of the National Championship for Poems - Category: "Timbuktu"

Tim and I off hunting went.
Found three girls in a pop up tent.
They were three and we were two.
So I bucked one and,
Tim bucked two.

NFC Championship game

A guy goes to the NFC championship game. He's got great seats, right on the 50 yard line. He looks over and there is an old man sitting next to an empty seat. So he asks, Do you know who this seat belongs to?

The old man says yes, my wife and I have been coming to these games for 40 years. T...

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I just got home from the World Amnesiac Masturbation Championships.

I can’t remember where I came.

TIL the lead singer of Chumbawumba is married to a champion breakdancer. She had to give up dancing when she fell pregnant but, only three months after giving birth, successfully defended her title at the World Championship.

She got knocked up, but she got down again.

I wanted to watch the world Origami Championship on TV.

But it was only on paper view

As a German I have concerns about the European soccer championship...

Last time it didn't end well when we sent a couple boys to France to defeat all of Europe.

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Blind Masturbation Championships

Went to the blind masturbation championships the other day.

No idea where I came.

Why didn't I play in the Woman's world chess championships?

Because I ran

Did you hear about the knotting championship match?

They tied.

A man walks into a bar...

And loses the national limbo championship.

So the 2017 World Chess Championships are being held in Iran. There's going to be some rule changes:

Queens won't be able to move without the king's permission, and bishops will face summary execution for spreading the word of the false prophet

What's better than winning the wheel chair basketball championship?

Having legs...

What does Lebron James do after winning the NBA Championship?

He turns off his Xbox.

Watching the NCAA Football Championship Game with Dad

Me: "Who's the favorite?"
Dad: "Your brother."

What do you call an Englishmam in the Euro championship final

A referee

I'm going to the reverse origami championship tomorrow

Can't wait to see how it unfolds

Why did Toronto host the (hockey) World Junior Championships?

They wanted to see what a winning team looked like.

Did you hear about the attempted shooting at the 2015 Pokémon World Championship?

The gunmen tried to escape, but luckily, officers were able to catch'em all.

Bill Russell tried to sell a championship ring to LeBron James for $1......

...... but LeBron only has 3 quarters.

Read online on a comment. LOL

Today I won the National Laziness Championship!

What did you win?

Atrophy

Last week I competed in the World Tanning Championships..

I came out with a Bronze..

I made it into the National Pun Championship last year...

I was selected from a radio contest when I called in and submitted a pun to win concert tickets. A week later after the concert they called the other winners and I back to compete for the Maryland Pun Playoffs. There were five of us in all, and I came out on top as the state's winner. I was pumped!<...

A man walks into a bar in New Orleans

He sits down next to a man in a jacket. Both of them are watching a preview of the upcoming nfc championship. They both start debating over who will win, and the debate turns into an argument. The man says “100 bucks my saints win!” “Your on” replied the man as he unzipped his coat to reveal black a...

*Sarcasm doesn't get you anywhere*

Me: It got me to the world sarcasm championship in peru.



"*Really*"



Me: No

An 85 year old couple is going on holiday, when they suddenly die in a plane crash...

They had been married for 60 years, and kept in good health due to their healthy diet and regular exercise.

When they reached heaven, St. Peter took them to their mansion, decked out with a fully stocked kitchen, master bath suite, and their very own jacuzzi. As his wife 'oohed' and 'aahed' a...

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An Ethical Dilemma

You are playing in the club championship knockout final and the match was all square at the end of 17 holes. You had the honour and hit your ball a modest two hundred fifty yards to the middle of the fairway, leaving a simple 7 iron to the pin.

Your opponent then hits his ball, lofting it de...

Did you hear about the brothel that opened across the street from a golf course?

It too has 36 championship holes.

Sunday, March 4, 2017:

World Chess Championship. The hotel hosts a gala event with food and drink in the hotel lobby. The semi finalists are mingling. The final two are bragging about their respective stratagems for the final match. The desk clerk asks them to hang around. Because we all love to hear.... Two Chess nuts, b...

How to get there faster

The couple was 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their pl...

Poor children in African nations are really excited...

They're finally getting New England Patriot super bowl championship shirts!

Did you hear about Marvel wanting to buy the NHL?

They want to rename the championship trophy, The Stan Lee Cup

Same old cow

My wife and I went to the ploughing championships and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,

' **"THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR"**

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs .....Smiled and ...

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I've had a good couple of days,

I've just got back from winning the World Domestic Violence Championship.

I knocked my daughter out in the semis and beat my wife in the final.

Yesterday I entered the world blindfolded wanking championship.
I have no idea where I came though.

A man suffering for weeks from terrible nightmares goes to the doctor…

Man: Please doctor, you’ve got to help me with these nightmares!

Doctor: What type of dreams are you having?

Man: Well, I always dream of these awful rats playing football. Seeing them crawl, tackle, squeal night after night—it’s terrible! Do you have a remedy for me?

Doctor: I’...

The Russian Pretzel

An American wrestler was invited to a tournament in Russia a few years ago.

In his weight class there was a Russian wrestler known for his use of the Russian pretzel to pin his opponents.

Fortunately for the American, he wouldn't have to to face this menacing force until the champion...

A man walks into a bar...

...and loses the international limbo championship.

(I feel like this is probably really old, but I hadn't heard it before.)

I hate to be a bad loser

A blonde, a red head and a brunette were competing in the Huron River Breast Stroke Championships. The redhead won and the brunette came in second. However, there was no sign of the final contestant. Hours and hours went by causing grave concern and worry. Just as everyone was losing hope, the blond...

Three guys are talking about their families (likely a re-post)

Three men - Bob, Joe, and David - are bragging about their families. Bob and Joe are Catholic, and David is Mormon.

Joe says "I've got four athletic daughters. One more and I'll have a championship basketball team."

Bob responds "I've got eight athletic sons. One more and I'll have an...

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The long-distance eyesight competition

A world championship eyesight competition is taking place in Japan. After several days, the 3 final runner-ups have to prove to the world, the audience and the judges who has the world's best long-distance eyesight.

The first guy steps up into the podium. He looks toward the West and squints ...

The Russian Pretzel. Slight NSFW

It is the day of the World Championship in Freestyle wrestling. Just before the Gold medal match, a coach is giving one last pep talk before his man goes on the match.
"O.k. This Russian is known as the best of all time. He has gone undefeated for 7 years now and it is all because of his famous P...

A Brit, a Spaniard and a Dutch walk into a bar..

.. unfortunately the Icelander couldn't come, he's still in the European Championship.

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Masturbation

Just got back from competing in the Blindfolded Masturbation World Championship

No idea where I came.

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There was once a captain of a football team..

for whom English wasn't the primary language, so he was still learning to speak it from his teammates now and then.

There came a huge club championship, at the final of which the captain found his team winning towards the end of the match. So he asks a teammate to provide him with good lines ...

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This is shit

Said the winner of world anagram championship

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Balls of Steel

Two wrestlers an American and a Russian were the finialists in the World Championship event.

They were preparing to meet each other in the final round and the American coach was giving instructions to his star wrestler.
The coach was saying, "Beware of the Russian and his famous hold - the...

Topical Jokes for 6/20

(For best results, imagine these being read by your favorite late night personality)

In Maryland, two teenagers have won a marbles championship. The winning teens quickly said thank you, then boarded their time machine, to return to the year 1937.

In Illinois, a university is offering ...

Origami

The World Origami Championships is today.

Let's see how it unfolds.

WalMart's own brand of wine

WalMart announced that sometime in 2013 it will begin offering customers a new discount item: WalMart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of California to produce the wines at affordable prices in the $2 to $5 range.

Wine...

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Suitable for British consumption

I just heard the UK strawberry picking championships has been won by a woman with no legs. Jammy cunt