Yerr a unit of power, Harry

I'm a watt?

we should stop making fun of the Americans for using inches, foot, miles, etc as units of measurements.

it's not like they crashed a rocket into Mars because of this or something... oh wait...

My daughter identifies as a small group of words standing together as a conceptual unit, typically forming a component of a clause.

Should I be worried or is it just a phrase?

Maritime Imperial Unit Puns

You can’t even fathom how many there are

Use any units you'd like (actually happened in a class of mine)

Professor: Anyone want to guess the Earth's magnetic field strength? Use any units you'd like.

Student: *raises hand*

Professor: Yes?

Student: 1 Earth

Physicists at MIT have discovered the smallest possible unit of time

The time from meeting an alumnus to hearing “I went to Harvard”.

I heard that scientists are meeting to redefine units of measure.

I'm kind of afraid that if we give them an inch they'll take a mile.

Just want to show my appreciation to all the staff working in the Intensive Care Units by saying

I See You

4 men sit anxiously outside the maternity unit ...

... as they await news on their wives' who are having babies

The English one says, "My first son was born on St George's Day, so I named him George."

The Scotsman added, "My first son was born on St Andrew's Day, and I decided to name him Andrew."

The Welshman said, "My boy was ...

What would happen if the United States switched from imperial to metric units overnight?

There would be mass confusion.

Gorrila Retrieval Unit

You're sitting at home minding your business when you hear a ruckus coming from your roof. Walking outside you see a massive Gorilla tearing up your shingles, so you go inside and call the zoo. Few moments later this pickup truck pulls up with Gorilla Retrieval Unit (GRU) on the side of it. An old m...

Talked with a former officer in the Bomb Disposal Unit

I asked him how he dealt with the stress of the job?

"Never had any stress with it." he said

When I asked how come, he said, "It's easy. I either get it right, or it's suddenly not my problem anymore."

Why couldn’t G-Unit get on the bus?

Because they didn’t have 50 Cent!

News flash! Britney Spears badly injured after shelving unit containing a single Nintendo console collapses on top of her...

Doctors say her condition is touch and go.

A spokesperson for Ms Spears said her last words were "my lonely NES is killing me."

I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system!

It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me.

In one Intensive care unit

people always died on the same bed at 11 am on a Sunday morning, regardless of their condition. This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to observe the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour. Some held crosses and prayer books to ward off evil influences, while the less super...

Units.

A science teacher is quizzing the class on various units and measurements.

What is the unit of volume?

Liters.


What is the unit of mass?

Kilograms.


What is the unit of distance?

Meters.


What is the unit of power?

Yes.

(I know...

Samuel L. Jackson is obsessed with the SI unit of power.

He keeps telling me to say watt again.

A wind turbine and an A/C unit walk into a bar

The wind turbine asks: "Hey man! How's your job going?"

A/C unit: "ehh, it's cool but I'm not a huge fan."

Back in ancient Egypt, the standardized units of measurements were based off the length of the current pharoah's body parts. The pointer finger would be one unit of measurement, the forearm another, and so on.

It could be noted, the pharoah was the ruler.

An elite military unit is now full of disabled people.

They call it the 'Special Forces'.

So my science teacher began her astronomy unit with star formation

She gave a stellar explanation.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why weren't the Nazi canine units executed for war crimes?

They were just following odors.

What do you call the unit that measures emotions?

A sentimetre.

Student: What's the unit for joules per second?

Teacher: Correct.

What is the First Order's standard unit of measurement for length?

A Kylometer

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How does a male AI unit have sex?

Nuts and bolts

What unit of measurement do Jedi use?

Imperial

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What is the unit of measurement for boobs?

Mammograms.

In 1944, a unit of zombie dolphins were deployed by the allies to assist in the invasion of Normandy.

They were named the “marine corpse”

What’s the smallest unit of time in the known universe?

The interval between the traffic light changing to green and the taxi driver behind you honking his horn.

America is converting to metric units...

inch by inch.

A Unit With a Reputation

A rough old general has heard about a unit with the reputation of being filled with the toughest soldiers around and decides he needs to go and check them out. After reviewing the troops on parade he decides to go to the medical tent to meet the soldiers who weren’t at parade.

The general get...

0 K, man.

What an absolute unit.

What's a Canadian's favorite unit of computer memory?

The Tim-byte.

Sam signs up with the army and gets sent on basic training...

When they are handing out rifles, he is at the back of the line and they run out just before they get to him. 


The Sergeant gives him a stick and tell him to just pretend it's a rifle. 


So our hero goes running through the mock battle pointing his stick and yelling, "Bangid...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman wants her vaginal lips reduced in size

A woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were flapping in the breeze. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses careful...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Burn unit

I asked the doctor what they did with all the foreskins after circumcisions, he told me that years ago they would send them to the burn unit for people with facial burns for eyelid reconstruction. I asked, why did they stop? He says, because ask the patients ended up looking cockeyed

One of the babies on the Intensive Care Unit is playing with a toy donkey

ICU baby, shaking that ass.

Did you hear about the battery who deserted his unit in battle?

He was dishonorably discharged.

I'll show myself out now.

How much is twelve units of mass?

Dozen matter.

To whoever stole my AC window unit:

Keep it. It's hot where you're going

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the SI unit for a load of bullshit

A metric shit ton

Apple's new iphone sold over 13M units this past weekend

I guess you can say it was a 6S

What's the SI Unit for measuring Light's Weight?

Hologram.

What do you call a K9 unit in China?

The food truck

Son: Dad I have to write an Essay about Hitler and his Dog Unit in WWII. Do you know what it was called?

Dad: K, Nein

What's the difference between watts and ohms?

Watts are a unit of electrical energy. Ohms are where British people live.

Are you a metric unit of velocity?

Because you make me want to km/s

An American soldier was captured by the Germans during WWII...

An American soldier was captured by the Germans during WWII. He was placed into a detention cell and soon a neatly uniformed SS officer comes to interrogate him.

“Vhere is your unit based?” asks the officer in accented English. But the soldier looks him dead in the eyes and says only “Tick t...

Scientists Have Isolated a Single Unit of Potato and Taught it to Use 4chan

They've named the project Channing Tatum.

I keep trying to think of the unit for frequency...

It hertz my head.

I was going to consider brief units of time

but now I'm having second thoughts.

What is the favorite scientific unit of the French?

RPM ( Revolutions Per Minute )

[no spoiler] Why is the BB unit droid not hungry?

Because BB-8

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nude beach.

As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother's, and asked her why. She told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is." The boy pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the m...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The DOD was putting together a new special forces unit...

In response to rising global tensions the Department of Defense decided a new, elite top secret unit was needed. Recruits were assembled from the special forces units of all branches.

A panel of generals, high level intelligence officers and congressmen is formed to begin interviews. The firs...

What unit of measurement did the ancient greeks use to measure their crops?

Demeter.

Which unit describes the intensity of light in South Africa?

Nelson Candela

A crazy guy went inside a police station

A crazy guy went inside a police station and stole all the K-9 units' leashes. Police says they have no leads

Darn Freshman

So the freshman are in the bathroom and one of them says, "Pass the standard metric unit of measurement for kinetic energy."

Foot Heads Arms Body

The army was deciding on how much weaponry should be provided to each unit and each soldier. For this, they set up a committee and the veteran General Samuel Foot was chosen to be the head of it.

The newspapers got wind of this and published it on the front page.
The headline was "Foot He...

A Russian military unit receives sad news

One day, a Russian military unit receives news that Pvt. Pavlov's parents had died. The unit decides to break the news to Pavlov as delicately as possible.

The next day, the officer of the unit rounds up the men and then says: "All who have parents, step forward! ...Pvt. Pavlov, where are you...

When I was in the army our commanding officer always made decisions based on the way our whole unit felt.

I kind of miss him. Good ol' General Consensus.