This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a bumper stick on my car that says “Honk it you think I’m sexy”

Then I wait at a green light to make me feel good about myself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dave gets shipwrecked and stranded on a small tropical island...

... he sets out to explore his new surroundings, and finds another survivor. It's Taylor Swift. He's a bit star-struck at first, but manages to pull it together enough to help her up off the shore.

He manages to build a hut for shelter, and starts a fire for warmth overnight, and finds edib...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A scottsman an Englishman and an Irishman

A scottsman an Englishman and an Irishman are stick on top a roof and they have to jump off but whatever they say as they fall will show up.

The scottsman jumps and screams "hay" he landed in a pile of hay.
The Englishman jumps and yells "marshmallows" and he lands on a pile or marshmal...

A guy walks through the Olympic Village

And comes across an athlete with a big stick on his shoulder.

The first guy asks "Are you a pole vaulter?"

The athlete says "No, I am a German and don't call me Walter!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joined a poker club

Just signed up for poker at a club and all the members have these "lucky charms" on the table this guy has a glass cube with a 4 leaf clover in it that girl has a mini bronze doggie statue, you get the point. So the next week I wanted bring a charm to fit in, but I forgot but the novelty store next ...

Jesus and Moses

One day, Jesus and Moses are chilling in heaven, and a stick falls from a tree.

Jesus picks up the stick and thrusts it into Moses' arms. "Hey Moses, how about you try to split that puddle of water over there like you did with the Red Sea?"

Moses takes the stick and heads over to the p...

A couple had 100 children.

They decided to name each of them by numbers (1, 2, 3, 4).

Many years later, they grew up and went on to lead their own lives. Some ended up finding love and/or having children, like 90, who had 3 kids.

The 3 kids wanted to have a pet, but their mother hated pets, so they decided to se...

A duck walks into a drug store,

He goes and puts lip stick on the check out counter.

The cashier asks, "will this be cash or check?"

The duck says, "neither; just put it on my bill."

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