UPJOKE
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My girlfriend just dumped me because of my gambling addiction.

But I know I can win her back.

I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts.

If I'm honest, it was a Rocky Road.

The worst part about an apple addiction…

Is that you can’t go and see a doctor about it

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Does anyone know a cure for sex addiction?

Cuz I've tried fucking everything.

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I have a HEALTHY porn addiction.

By healthy..... I mean, it's my #1 source of exercise.

I have a crippling addiction to the hokey pokey

This year i’ve really turned myself around

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My wife is worried about my masturbation addiction.

I admit, I needed her help.

My girlfriend said, “I am breaking up with you because of your addiction of wearing a different t-shirt every half an hour.”

I said, “Wait! I can change.”

hello, and welcome to the plastic surgery addiction meeting

im seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd, and i must say im disappointed.

I have an addiction to brake fluid.

The good news is I can stop anytime I want.

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I used to have a crippling porn addiction.

Now I prefer less violent porn.

I got hospitalized for my SpongeBob addiction

So I asked them if they can put me in the squid ward

My wife is fed up with my constant stream of jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?!" She shot back, "Whatever means necessary!!" I chuckled...

"No it doesn't!"

My friend told me he's worried about his guitar playing addiction.

I told him don't fret.

Studies show that one out of every six friends have a gambling addiction

My money is on Peter

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How do you get rid of a porn addiction?

Just beat it.

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The knob - Long

A rich older woman had an addiction to plastic surgery and would go to her surgeons office regularly for little touchups here and there. One day she went in and asked about a full facelift. Her surgeon suggested, instead of getting the facelift, he could install the knob for her.

What's the k...

I'm getting over my addiction to Tipperary. .

But there's still a long way to go.

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If a guy is addicted to masturbating but then gets addicted to sex...

Is it fair to say his addiction is getting out of hand?

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i asked my therapist: can you cure my bondage addiction?

he said: "i wish i can help you but my hands are tied"

I don't have a cocaine addiction.

I just like the way it smells.

I've had a severe addiction to taking inventory at the blacksmithing shop.

We all have our vices.

I have an addiction to making references to random Bruce Willis movie titles. People have tried to help me stop but you know what they say. Old habits...

Pulp Fiction

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If I was addicted to masturbation and then I got addicted to sex...

Would it be safe to assume my addiction got out of hand?

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Our whole family is really worried about my grandfather’s Viagra addiction.

Grandma is taking it particularly hard.

What do you call the prophet with a cocaine addiction?

Nostril-Damus

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Its good that the Japanese chef is recovering from his alcohol addiction

He's 2 years soba already.

My addiction to Helium is out of control, but...

no one is taking my cries for help seriously.

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A bee landed on a girl's chest at the sex addiction therapy course.

Apparently screaming Boo Bee at her chest was wrong...

How do you call an alcoholic that doesnt admit the addiction?

Jack Denials

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Yeah, I have a heroine addiction.

\*Pulls out young adult novel with a strong female figure\*

My wife and kids are threatening to walk out of the house because of my addiction to horse racing.

And they’re off!

I'm absolutely heartbroken. My Girlfriend has broken up with me over my chronic gambling addiction..

.. Desperate to win Her back.

Gambling addiction hotlines would be so much better if...

Every fifth caller was a winner.

What do you call it when you fail to break your addiction to mid-day rests?

Re-naps

My wife said she is leaving me because of my addiction to anti-depressants...

Guess I won't be needing those anymore.

A guy with a gambling addiction walks into a butchers

He goes to the butcher - "I bet you $500 you can't get the meat down from the top shelf without a ladder"

The butcher says "I can't take that bet, the steaks are too high"

My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets.

The decision was a piece of cake.

Chicken Addiction

A guy really wanted to eat chicken. He was craving it for a while and he decided to go get some. But, he didn't want any of the fast food type chicken. So, he decided to cook it himself.

He goes to the butcher to buy it. The butcher gave him a live chicken. The man, surprised, asked the butch...

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Who do you call for questions about sex addiction?

Nympho-mation

Alcoholic, women lover and weed smoker go to hell

The Satan says them: "you can get out if you'll spend 100 years in a room with your main addictions".

He shows the alcoholic a room with lots of alcohol. Alcoholic says: "ok, i'll spend 100 years here".

Then he shows a women lover a room with beautiful young women.
He says "ok, i'll...

A Priest with a golf addiction...

awakes to a beautiful Sunday morning after weeks of bad weather. He just can't work today, he HAS to find a way to fit in a round or two of golf. He calls in sick, and drives 2 hours to distant course so no one will recognize him. He lines up his first shot, a par 5, and lets it rip...

Mea...

A small man admitted himself to rehab with a gambling addiction

It’s ok. He’s a little better.

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There are days when I truly think I've gotten over my porn addiction

......then I remember my favourite Michael Jackson song is 'Beat It'

I have a oxygen addiction

I tried to stop yesterday, but after a minute I started feeling blue

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Porn addiction has cost me everything I hold dear in my life....

But I’m glad I got a handle on it.

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