I'm absolutely heartbroken. My Girlfriend has broken up with me over my chronic gambling addiction..

.. Desperate to win Her back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My masturbation addiction and lycanthropy are really messing up my sleep.

I'm up all night tossing and turning.

My wife is fed up of my constant Dad jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?"

**Wife:** whatever means necessary.

**Me:** No it doesn't.

How do you call an alcoholic that doesnt admit the addiction?

Jack Denials

Twitter addiction

Me: Doctor you’ve got to help me, I’m addicted to Twitter.
Doctor: I don’t follow you. .................

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was addicted to

jacking off, but then he became addicted to sex. I guess his addiction got out of hand.

My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...

I know where to draw the line...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Started seeing a sex addiction therapist last week

Wow she’s good in bed!

My wife just left me because of my gambling addiction...

I wonder what the odd are for me winning her back.

I’ve finally managed to conquer my addiction to swimming.

I’ve been dry for six months now.

I just got over my addiction to chocolate, nuts and marshmallows.

I have to admit it was a rocky road.

I’ve been battling my addiction to the ‘Hokey Cokey’ dance for a number of years now..

It’s been a long and hard challenge, but I’ve turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about.

If I had a p*rn addiction and when I get older it turns into a s*x addiction,

Could you say my addiction... got out of hand?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yeah, I have a heroine addiction.

\*Pulls out young adult novel with a strong female figure\*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was unable to beat my masturbation addiction for a long time...

But now that I named my penis "masturbation addiction" its become surprising easy...

My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets.

The decision was a piece of cake.

Electric shock treatment for my BDSM addiction?

Yes, Please!

My struggle with steroid addiction,

Has only made me stronger.

I have an addiction to cheddar cheese

But it's only mild

A guy with a gambling addiction walks into a butchers

He goes to the butcher - "I bet you $500 you can't get the meat down from the top shelf without a ladder"

The butcher says "I can't take that bet, the steaks are too high"

A Priest with a golf addiction...

awakes to a beautiful Sunday morning after weeks of bad weather. He just can't work today, he HAS to find a way to fit in a round or two of golf. He calls in sick, and drives 2 hours to distant course so no one will recognize him. He lines up his first shot, a par 5, and lets it rip...

Meanwh...

What did Dora say to help her friend break his Tinder addiction?

Swiper, no swiping!

What do you call an English teacher with a social media addiction?

Instagrammar

My grandpa has an addiction to Mexican beer

Now he doesn’t have a liver

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend asked me if my masturbation addiction got any better

I replied: no, if anything it got harder

The start of my opiate addiction...

...was surprisingly painless.

A small man admitted himself to rehab with a gambling addiction

It’s ok. He’s a little better.

What do you call a spider with a cocaine addiction...

An acracknid

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Our whole family is really worried about my grandfather’s Viagra addiction.

Grandma is taking it particularly hard.

I don't have an addiction to alcohol, alcohol has an addiction to me,

whenever alcohol is with me, it gets drunk.

What do you call a Wookiee with a nicotine addiction?

Chew to' bacca

I have an addiction to brake fluid

But I can't stop

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Overcoming my masterbation addiction...

... Was hard at first, but these days it's not.

My wife and child left me due to my horse racing addiction

Aaaand they're off

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard King Arthur had a sex addiction [NSFW]

He came a lot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This weekend I'm curing my masturbation addiction once and for all...

Either I'm going to beat it, or I'm going to beat it.

What happens when fish start an addiction to worms?

They get hooked.

Apparently a thespian friend of mine has a drug addiction...

I guess I misheard him we he said he was a "Meth Head" Actor

They say one out of every seven friends has a gambling addiction.

My money is on Jimmy.

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, why the long face?"

"Because I have a crippling addiction to alcohol." says the horse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are three women in therapy

The therapist says to the women you all have addictions. He says to the first woman your addiction is an addiction to money which is represented in your daughters name, Penny. He says to the second you have an addiction to food which is also represented in your daughters name sweetie.

Before ...

Addiction

I’ve got a friend that’s addicted to Drinking Brake Fluid.
I’m worried about him, but he assured me he can stop anytime.

What do you call a drug addiction counselor addicted to prescription opiates?

An Oxymoron.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.