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Addiction Jokes

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If I was addicted to masturbation and then I got addicted to sex...

Would it be safe to assume my addiction got out of hand?

My girlfriend just dumped me because of my gambling addiction.

But I know I can win her back.

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Anyone know of a cure for sex addiction?

I’ve tried fucking everything

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If a guy is addicted to masturbating but then gets addicted to sex...

Is it fair to say his addiction is getting out of hand?

I have an addiction to brake fluid.

The good news is I can stop anytime I want.

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My friends were very supportive when I told them about my addiction to masturbation.

They said I would beat it.

Home repair is an addiction.

You're always looking for the next fix.

My wife said she is leaving me because of my addiction to anti-depressants...

Guess I won't be needing those anymore.

Gambling addiction.

My wife and kids are leaving me because they say I’m obsessed with Horse Racing.

I'm looking out the window at them now........... and they're off.....

I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts.

If I'm honest, it was a Rocky Road.

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Our whole family is really worried about my grandfather’s Viagra addiction.

Grandma is taking it particularly hard.

My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?"

"Whatever means necessary," she replied.

"No it doesn't," I said.

A Priest with a golf addiction...

awakes to a beautiful Sunday morning after weeks of bad weather. He just can't work today, he HAS to find a way to fit in a round or two of golf. He calls in sick, and drives 2 hours to distant course so no one will recognize him. He lines up his first shot, a par 5, and lets it rip...

Mea...

My girlfriend said, “I am breaking up with you because of your addiction of wearing a different t-shirt every half an hour.”

I said, “Wait! I can change.”

What you call someone who works diligently on their gambling addiction?

An over/underachiever.

I have a crippling addiction to the hokey pokey

This year i’ve really turned myself around

What's the worst part of an apple addiction?

You can't see a doctor about it.

Welcome to the plastic surgery addiction support group

I see a lot of new faces around

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You'd think a masturbation addiction would be an inconvenience

... but it actually comes in handy really often!

I've got a terrible addiction, I can't stop eating deli meats.

I'm trying to quit cold turkey.

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I have a HEALTHY porn addiction.

By healthy..... I mean, it's my #1 source of exercise.

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i asked my therapist: can you cure my bondage addiction?

he said: "i wish i can help you but my hands are tied"

I used to have an addiction to ham.

But now I'm cured.

What does an Irish terrorist attack and a gambling addiction have in common?

Dublin down

What do you call the main actress who suffers drug addiction?

The Heroin.

Why is it so hard for bank accounts to quit their addictions?

They experience severe withdrawal symptons

My girlfriend loves to eat chocolate. She’s always eating chocolate, and she likes to joke she’s got a chocolate addiction. "Get me away from those Hersheys bars. I’m addicted to them." It’s really annoying.

So I put her in a car and I drove her downtown. And I pointed out a crack addict. And I said, "Do you see that, honey?... Why can’t you be that skinny?

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I used to have a crippling porn addiction.

Now I prefer less violent porn.

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My Viagra addiction

..was the hardest time of my life.

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My wife is worried about my masturbation addiction.

I admit, I needed her help.

hello, and welcome to the plastic surgery addiction meeting

im seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd, and i must say im disappointed.

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Yeah, I have a heroine addiction.

\*Pulls out young adult novel with a strong female figure\*

I don't have a cocaine addiction.

I just like the way it smells.

A small man admitted himself to rehab with a gambling addiction

It’s ok. He’s a little better.

My friend with a cocaine addiction recently quit.

It was the end of the line for him.

Gambling addiction hotlines would be so much better if...

Every fifth caller was a winner.

I got hospitalized for my SpongeBob addiction.

They put me in the Squid ward.

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Me: Can you help me get over my gambling addiction?

Therapist: You bet.

Me: Yes, that’s why I asked.

My wife said she'll leave me if I don't overcome my poker addiction

but I think she's bluffing

My friend told me he's worried about his guitar playing addiction.

I told him don't fret.

I'm getting over my addiction to Tipperary. .

But there's still a long way to go.

+how's your gambling addiction going?

\-i don't know but i bet is fine.

Chicken Addiction

A guy really wanted to eat chicken. He was craving it for a while and he decided to go get some. But, he didn't want any of the fast food type chicken. So, he decided to cook it himself.

He goes to the butcher to buy it. The butcher gave him a live chicken. The man, surprised, asked the butch...

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How do you get rid of a porn addiction?

Just beat it.

A guy with a gambling addiction walks into a butchers

He goes to the butcher - "I bet you $500 you can't get the meat down from the top shelf without a ladder"

The butcher says "I can't take that bet, the steaks are too high"

Can radio be an addiction?

Depends on the frequency.

Alcohol Addiction

My anxiety has been in overdrive since the start of the Pandemic. I feel like I need more and more alcohol everyday.

I am going through at least a liter of the hard stuff everyday.
I start using as soon as I wake up and don't stop until I go to bed each night.

My Dr. says I need t...

What do you call the prophet with a cocaine addiction?

Nostril-Damus

What happens when fish start an addiction to worms?

They get hooked.

My addiction to Helium is out of control, but...

no one is taking my cries for help seriously.

Addiction

I’ve got a friend that’s addicted to Drinking Brake Fluid.
I’m worried about him, but he assured me he can stop anytime.

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I've recently developed an addiction to Viagra...

It's been the hardest 3 weeks of my life.

I don't have an addiction to alcohol, alcohol has an addiction to me,

whenever alcohol is with me, it gets drunk.

I've had a severe addiction to taking inventory at the blacksmithing shop.

We all have our vices.

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Overcoming my masterbation addiction...

... Was hard at first, but these days it's not.

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There was a gaming addict, a senator, and a show-off standing in front of the gates of heaven

The three of them then entered through the gate, following the signs, and arrived at a room where many people were queuing up. Suddenly, God appeared out of nowhere and said, 'Heaven is now overcrowded, so in order to be able to enter here, you will have to speak your true thoughts about yourselves ...

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