Scratch Off Jokes

"I'd take half and leave your sorry ass!" She replied. "Well" He said "I just won 2 bucks on a scratch off. Here's a dollar, now get the fuck out."

The wife says "Easy, I'd take half and leave your ass."

"Cool, I hit a scratch off for $12, here's $6."

The father purchases a 6 pack of beer and and pack of cigarettes. The son begs his father to buy him a scratch off lottery ticket, and after some incessant pleading the father agrees.

They return to their car and the father lights up a cigarette. The son asks can I have one of those? The fat... read more

So I had sex with a millionaire a few months ago. She actually won the money from a scratch off. Now there’s something that money does to people in bed that you wouldn’t expect, they get rougher. Maybe they figure “if I kill the guy I can just pay his family off”. But no she got very rough. She kept... read more

They're sitting in the boat out on the lake dangling their lines when the old man pulls out a pack of cigs and lights one up
"Can I have a cigarette grandad?"
Oh dear, thinks the grandad, better think of a way out of this
"Tell you what" grandad says "can your willy bend round and touch you... read more

A grandfather and grandson are taking a walk one day. While walking, the grandfather takes out a flask from his pocket and started drinking. "Can I have some of that?", the grandson asked. "Does your penis touch your butt?", replied that grandfather. "No.", said the grandson. "Then you can't have an... read more