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"The first thing you should know about working in a mortuary," the teacher said as he removed his latex glove and inserted a finger right up the ass of the body on the table, "You can't be squeamish." He then stuck his finger in his mouth.

The students grimaced as he motioned for them to line up and do the same. 

When the last student had stuck their finger- right up to the knuckle, the teacher insisted- and stuck the finger in their mouth, the teacher said- "The second thing you should know about working in a mortuary is atten...

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I ran out of condoms, so I tried a coat of latex paint.

Oh it worked, but I couldn't piss for two days!

A man is in an emergency room complaining of severe stomach pains and bowel trouble. The attending physician advises that the patient will need a rectal exam. The doctor positions the patient on the bed on his side and puts on a latex glove...

As he lubes up his glove, he says, "Don't get excited and move too much like last time, Daniel."

The patient says, "My name isn't Daniel."

The doctor says, "Mine is."

In the teats and comdoms factory.

The mayor is visiting a new factory where they make teats and comdoms. When they are near the machine that makes teats it sounds like

"fffff pop,
fffff pop,
fffff pop..."

The mayor asked her assistant to explain it.

Assistant: Well the "fffff" is when the latex gets inflat...

What do you call a latex suit with spikes inside?

S*pain*dex

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old woman, was nervous

So he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves:

“Do you know how they make these gloves?” He asked.

“No, I don't.” She replied.

“Well.” He spoofed. “There's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in...

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When a girl buys a vibrator, its seen as a bit of naughty fun

BUT when a guy orders a 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system, hes called a pervert?

The Indian chief goes to the white man doctor and asks "Too many papoose! What do?"

The doc gives him a condom, and explains the principles.

A couple of months later, the chief comes back, saying "No good! Right nut go urggh! Left nut go urrgh! Rubber go boom!"

So the doc cuts a few custom "rubbers" out of the fingers of a heavy duty latex glove, saying "Try these...

Guy goes on a tour at a condom factory.

He is amazed at how the latex is poured into a mold and cooled. Thousands of condoms are being made every minute! But he starts to notice that every 20th condom gets punctured. He asks the guide about it. Guide replies: “we also own a baby bottle company.”

An odd dentist appointment

A woman is at a dentist appointment and is looking scared. The dentist, trying to alleviate some of the tension, asks if she knows how latex gloves are made. She replies, “No,” and he tells her men dip their hands in a vat of latex and wait for it to dry, effectively creating a latex glove. The woma...

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[NSFW]The legend of the King sperm

So one day, all the sperm in a guy’s nuts were having a meeting.

“We always wait for our moment to shine, our shot to glory land, to do our mission, but we get stopped by the latex barrier! We never get to fulfill our duty!”

Thousands of sperm moaned and complained.

“But today...

Husband comes back home from work...

Instantly he sees clothes all over the place and rushes to the bedroom. There he sees his wife in a latex suit spanking a guy in ropes and a mask.
Frustrated husband jus says:
- Okay so I guess beating you up isn't a good idea...

Condoms galore

Nike Condoms: Just do it.


Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.


Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.


Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.


Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.


Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: T...

Cheap pastor

A cheap pastor had a church with significant need of a paint job. The estimate calls for 100 gallons of white latex paint but he decided to buy only one 20 gallon can he knows latex paint can be thinned with water. So he diluted 1:1 and it still coats and looks white. So he dilutes again to stret...

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"Have you ever broken up with someone over a single character flaw?"

My ex-girlfriend and I were a perfect match.

Like Batman and Robin.

Only we didn’t solve crimes and the tight, latex outfits we owned were used in the bedroom and not on the streets.

I truly thought she was the one.

But she had one character flaw that proved too great to ...

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Guy meets a girl in a strip bar

The drinks flow and talk soon turns to sex. The girl explains how she only enjoys kinky sex, the kinkier the better and she doubts there is a man alive that is kinkier than her. The man accepts the challenge and they go back to her place.
 
The girl invites the guy to make himself at...

Can't afford condoms?

Use latex gloves instead. They're cheaper, and you can use them five times.

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If a woman...

Buys a vibrator she is "modern and playful"...
But if I buy a sex doll ultra4000 with elastic latex mouth, 6 speeds of vibration real feel Riley Reid and 16 different orgasm sounds sorround system people call me a pervert..

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My friends say I’m funny so I figured I’d write a joke.

So I went to a proctologist (read: butt doctor) because I’d been having some long term constipation and I figured I’d better get a prostate check to punch two holes in my club card, it was a real problem as funny as it sounds. Anyway I get there and I’m waiting in this cold room when a dude in a doc...

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A group of elderly folks were watching television at the retirement home...

They were enjoying their show until it was time for a commercial break. Having nothing else to do, they stayed sitting and watched the commercials. Suddenly, one advertisement displayed attractive men and women in rubber bodysuits, latex clothing, and BDSM-looking outfits. The elderly were aghast....

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Piss Pop Piss Pop

A new shift manager was being shown around the Latex factory where he had just been hired. The plant manufactured various latex products, and had a reputation for using cutting edge technology in its manufacturing process.

On one side of the building, the factory made baby bottle nipples. The...

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Birth control alternatives

A husband and wife walk into a doctors office looking for alternative options for birth control as the pill is quite hormoney and the husband is allergic to latex.

They ask the doctor "we've been thinking about exclusively practising anal sex, surely there's no pregnancy risk there!"

D...

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Old Lady Laughing at The Dentist.

An old lady went in for her dental appointment and was real nervous so the dentist tries to calm her down with an interesting fact.
Dentist:"Did you know the way they used to make latex gloves is they had the factory workers stick their hands in Vats of Latex?"

The old lady nods in amuseme...

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A german woman comes back home from work early...

When she opens the door she sees her husband, Hans, kneeling on the floor in a latex S&M outfit with a gag in his mouth. A naked prostitute with a whip in her hands is standing above him urinating onto his face. Worst of all, the husband has their pet parrot shoved up his ass and is fucking thei...

I saw the expiration date on my condoms

They say it takes thousands of years for latex to degrade, but apparently it's been longer than that since I've gotten laid

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Kinky Stuff...

So a guy walks into a bar with a really long face looking very dejected and sits at the bar and orders a drink. A while later a woman walks in also looking very down, sits a couple stools over from him and orders a drink.

Eventually they start chatting and she asks him,"Why the long face?"...

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