Three writers, Al, Ben, and Carl, who were attending a writing convention, booked a room on the 75th floor of a hotel.

When they arrived back at the hotel from the convention, the receptionist told them, "I'm terribly sorry, but the elevator is broken. In the meantime, you will have to take the stairs."

Now, Al was a writer of funny stories, Ben was a writer of scary stories, and Carl was a writer of sad stor...

A zookeeper lost a pair of mongoose to a storm and needed to replace them. He began writing an email to his supplier...

“Dear sir, please send me two mongooses at once.”

That didn’t sound right, so he tried again.

“Dear sir, please send me two mongeese at once.”

That still didn’t sound right, so he gave it one last attempt:

“Dear sir, please send me one mongoose. And while you’re at it...

I decided to kill off some characters in the book I am writing

It would definitely spice up my autobiography.

A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, “Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?”

The father replied, “It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.”

With that, the father went to the telephone and dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, “Hello, is Melvin there?”

The man answered, “There is no one living here named Me...

If someone was writing a book about tsunamis...

If someone was writing a book about tsunamis and they suddenly got a rush of ideas on what to call it, would that be considered a title wave?

Writing a funny joke is like playing a game of darts.

Sometimes you hit. Sometimes you miss, and sometimes you get sent to jail for manslaughter.

“Officer, why are you crying while writing me a ticket?”

Cop: It’s a moving violation.

A mechanic finished up repairing a car and his apprentice is writing up the invoice...

Apprentice says: "Boss, the total of the invoice comes up to $876".
The boss responds: "Round it up to an even thousand."

Few seconds later, the boss pipes up again: "Actually, put it at $1126, so it doesn't look rounded."

Today, I saw a cop writing a parking ticket

I went and asked him if his dad was proud of him.

'Nah', he said, 'In fact, I think he would be pretty angry if he knew what I was doing. Then again, he shouldn't have parked here.'

TIL that for writing your last wishes you need to hire a lawyer and that it can easily become quite expensive.

What happened to free will?

[OC] I just spent my morning break writing this joke.

Jeff had spent most of his adult life in prison for a string of drug offenses and theft. He is finally being released at 28 years old after a decade in prison.

He approaches his jailhouse lover, Vince, a former English teacher and schoolboy fondler. Vince was a little sad to say goodbye, and...

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A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?" "I just saw one of your garters!" he replied. "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for two days!"

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realising she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the v...

Writing the script for the Tetris movie must be hard,

Every time they write a line, it disappears.

I’ve created a writing software to rival Microsoft.

It’s their Word against mine.

What did they call Norse god of lightning after he turned into gold and began writing books?

Author

I'm writing a piece for the theatre.

It's called "Dictionary: A Play on Words"

I had a great response for my competition for writing another word for tavern.

Thanks to everyone for writing Inn.

My brother has been writing a stage drama about a dictionary and a thesaurus. I'm really looking forward to it.

I love a play on words.

Im just so overwhelmed with the difficulty of writing my own book

There are no words

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.

Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, bec...

I’m writing a novel about a guy that can kill with words

Working title “Death Sentence”

Boss: If I knew your writing was so small I'd never have hired you

Me: Well it was on my resume, you should have read the small print

George R. R. Martin, Patrick Rothfuss, and Scott Lynch walk into a bar

I'll finish writing the rest of this joke soon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm writing an anime based on a character with lymphedema of the nutsack

It's called 'Dragging Balls eh?"

Being left handed I was always told I was more creative but all I noticed was that I smudge the words when writing with pencil.

I guess it’s a blessing and a cursive

A teacher asked her students to write an essay about " what would I do if I were CEO of a company"

She notices one of the kids is just looking out the window. So she askes him "Why are you not writing your essay?"

He answers :"I'm waiting for my secretary to come and type it for me"

A conversation about Trump while writing Revelations

John: "So Lord, the end will be signaled by trumpets?"

God: "No... I said Trump/Pence."

John: "Yeah, trumpets."

God: "Never mind. They'll know."

My buddy Frank is a HUGE fan of diarrhea. I was thinking of writing a book about him, but it looks like the title is already taken.

"The Diary of Anne Frank"

My first attempt at writing a joke, please take it easy on me.

A man walks into a candy shop, as he is perusing around the shop he notices the shopkeep waving him over to the counter. Not sure what he is really looking for he makes his way over to the counter to see if the shopkeep can be of any assistance.

Man: I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, n...

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man writing to his insurance

I am writing in response to your request for additional information.  In block number three of the accident reporting form, I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident.  You said in your letter that I should explain more and I trust that the following details are sufficient:

I am a bric...

A teacher was getting fed up with one of her student’s bad hand writing-

She said “Your hand writing is absolute chicken scratch! I can barely read it. How are you going to get a job if your employer can’t read what you write?”

He said “Don’t worry, Miss. I’m going to be a doctor.”

I started writing a book about punctuation,

but what's the point?

Did you hear about the mathematician who suffered muscle pain when writing out equations?

They had fibromyalgebra

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The other day I was writing my assignment on English. I had to write the tenses of certain words. It was easy because I had taught my mates prior to that. When it came to teach, I couldn’t remember it..

i thunk and thunk and thunk, but still couldn’t remember.. and then it struck me..

It’s obviously teached.

My dumb ass.

Warning, English not my first language, so sorry if hard to understand

The creative writing students all shifted a little uneasy as they realized they had clearly picked the wrong professor

It's a good thing JK Rowling discovered writing...

Or she sure as hell would have been a serial killer.

A programmer was arrested for writing unreadable code

He refused to comment

A rich man visits Karl Marx as he's writing the Communist manifesto.

He asks: "So what's in that book of yours, Mr. Marx?"

Marx replies: "None of your business."

The other day I told my mom I was writing an autobiography...

She said for dramatics I should kill off the main character, I don’t think she realized it was an autobiography...

Can you write a whole paragraph without the letter A?

I wouldn't recommend it.

Honestly, your sentences willl just sound wrong.
Everyone will notice you're doing something
different. Your writing won't flow smoothly. You'll
use weird words.

It's not worth the effort involved in spending
time online looking up tons of synonym...

Yesterday I was sentenced to death for writing so many click bait headlines

What happens next will shock you

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