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Compose Jokes

Stallone: I’m making a movie about composers. I’m playing Vivaldi.

VanDamme: I’ll be Mozart.

Schwarzenegger: Stop it guys I’m not saying it.

Who composes all these blonde jokes?

Brunettes do, during the lonely winter evenings.

Fun fact about composers!

Did you know the composers of classical music were the rockstars of their time?

It's true!

A lot of the showmanship we associate with popular musicians actually originated among classical composers.

For example, later in his career, Beethoven was known to start all his orchestr...

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A dyslexic boy is on his way home from training with his mam...."Can we stop at McDonald's mam? I'm starving" the boy asks. "If you can spell McDonald's we will stop on the way home ofcourse son" The boy pauses, composes himself and begins "M" "C" He begins to struggle....

"Ah fuck it mam let's have a KCF"

What do you call a fruity composer?

An Orange Schubert.

Who is the chickens favorite composer?

B…b Bach!

Joke about dead Austrian composer

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple

days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard

some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried.

Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.

T...

I tried to beat up the composer, but failed. Apparently I wasn’t…

…Rachmaninov.

What did the doctor ask the composer right before his colonoscopy?

How many movements?

C-3PO, Robocop, and The Terminator are planning a play about classical music composers

C-3PO says, “I’ll be Mozart”. Robocop says, “I’ll be Beethoven”. The Terminator says, “I’ll be Bach”.

Action Composers

All the action heroes are at Stalone's house when their phones all go off. Their agents give them news about a new action movie focused on the great composers. After the call they are all talking about who they would like to play.

Stalone: I'm not going to be in it if I can't be Mozart....

A director and composer are arguing about the score of a film

Composer: Is it really THAT important that there are no voices in any of the tracks?

Director: It's instrumental

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A dictator once asked a famous composer if he could write him a brilliant piece of music.

Naturally, the composer was extremely nervous, as the dictator had a habit of giving the death penalty to those who did not please him.

The composer spent weeks working on this piece, and from a musical standpoint it was quite good. So, he gathered his orchestra and performed his piece for th...

What did the classical composer say to his student?

Don’t fix it if it ain’t baroque.

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Once a dictator chose a musician to compose a piece of music.

The musician not wanting to displease the dictator accepted the offer.

One month after the day came. The orchestra shited in the name of music. The dictator got furious and gave him a death sentence. They gave him a spicy curry as his last wish. He sat on the electric chair. They electrocuted...

How do you cook german composers?

Just let Hans simmer for about 2 hours.

What do you call a Hungarian Composer with one leg shorter than the other?

Liszt.

What is a femboy's favorite composer?

Claude Debussy

My friend composes songs about sewing machines.

He’s a Singer songwriter or sew it seams. (Don’t hate me.) Edit: corrected word.

Bach, the great composer, was having a difficult time writing new music.

With 20 kids in the house, it was hard for him to find quiet time to work.

So he decided to find a quiet place outdoors, and found a small shed in the woods. Unfortunately, it was so far from his home, that by the time he got there and started writing, it was time to go back home for lunch. ...

I went to Germany, stood outside a famous baroque composer’s house, and pondered the meaning of life.

That’s what you call thinking outside the Bach’s.

Three action movie actors decided to do a movie about classical composers...

Bruce Willis said, "I'll be Beethovan"

Sylvester Stallone replied, "I'll be Mozart"

Arnold Schwarzenegger chimed in, "I'll be Bach"

Everyone told Beethoven he can't compose because he was deaf

But he didn't listen

After he became deaf, many people told Beethoven that his career as a composer was over.

But did he listen?

Arnold Schwarzenegger announced today that he'll be starring in a new movie about a 18th century composer

When asked about it it, Mr Schwarzenegger said "I'll be Bach"

What would you call a cat which can compose musical pieces?

**Debussy Cat**

This guy said he was going to compose an atheist theme song ....

I suggested, "Don't START believing".

There was a time where all musicians and composers were broke

It was during the Baroque period.

What do you call Chinese cabbage that composes music?

Bach choy.

Composers are such hypocrites

They compose when they are alive and decompose when they are dead!

A prolific composer dies and is buried in him hometown.

Weeks after the funeral, one of the townspeople gets drunk and tries to find his way home. In his drunken stupor, he finds himself lost in the graveyard. When he comes across the composer's grave, he begins to hear a strange, haunting melody. This terrifies him, and he runs out of the graveyard scre...

Apparently Danny Devito is casting a new film about Baroque composers.

Arnold Schwarzenegger will be Bach.

Stallone, Willis and Schwarzenegger are producing and starring in a period drama about the Great Composers.

Stallone, Willis and Schwarzenegger are producing and starring in a period drama about the Great Composers.
They all agree that Stallone should play the role of Beethoven, but Willis and Schwarzenegger get into an argument about who should play Chopin.
Stallone suggest they toss a coin to de...

Beethoven and Bach were once composers.

Now they are decomposers.

What does a classical composer use to carry his groceries?

A Chopin cart

Did you hear about the composer who took a vow of silence?

His friends called him Mutezart.

The lazy composer was a busy man

as he had several scores to settle

So I died and was reincarnated as a composer...

I'm Bach now.

A goose's beak is composed of hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen and potassium.

HONK

What's a music major frat boy's favorite composer?

Debussy

What do a composer and a racist have in common?

They both use slurs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a heterosexual music composer?

Straighthoven

When Arnold Schwarzenegger was a little boy back in Austria, he and his friends had a game where they would pretend to be famous composers ...

Georg would say "I'll be Handel!”

Franz would say "I'll be Schubert!”

Arnold would say "I'll be Bach!"

A man cheats on his wife who happens to be a composer. After finding out about it, she composes a piece of music that expresses her unending rage.

Hell hath no fury like a woman score.

Why did everyone hate the classical composer’s music

Everyone thought he had some sheet music

What do you call a conflict between composers?

A de*bach*le.

Bach was a legendary composer with 20 kids.........

I guess that qualifies him as being a freak in the sheets and on the sheets.....

When I compose songs on my piano, I play multiple notes at once to make my songs longer.

They're extension chords.

My friend composes lyrics about sewing machines.

She's a Singer songwriter.

My Friend And I Recently Desecrated A German Composer's Tomb

It was Bach-breaking work, but we got it done.

I can't find my Liszt of composer puns

If any of you can get a Holst of it, could you Handel it to me?

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8 year old Arnold Schwarzenegger was sitting in music class. The teacher said that each student would play the role of a famous composer.

One student said "I'll be Beethoven".

Another said "I'll be Mozart".

Yet another student said "I'll be Tchaikovsky".

And Arnold said "I'll be Bach".

Why were all the 17th century composers poor?

Because they were baroque a f.

What do you call a musical equation that a former Vice President composes?

An algorithm

(Credit to my girlfriend)

What did one composer say to the other when the bill arrived?

Can you pay? I'm baroque.

Why did the Composer marry the Musician?

It was an arranged marriage.

Spotify won't let me listen to any Hungarian composers for some reason

I feel so lisztless

Did you hear about the Hollywood cosplay of famous composers?

Arnold was Bach

Every time a famous music composer dies...

... he starts decomposing.

[Composer Joke] JS Bach died and went to heaven...

After he died, Bach landed at the Pearly Gates where God was waiting. "Bach! hallelujah!" God said: "Our angelic choir is in need of a new oratorio, and with how many songs you've composed, you MUST be the man for the job."

Bach sighed, then said:

"God, I've spent my entire life comp...

What do sick composers drink?

Tchai *cough* Tea

Did you hear that they're producing an action movie about a team of crime-fighting composers?

They already approached Arnold Schwarzenegger about playing fellow Austrian Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, but he said "no, I'll be Bach!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong Un asked a well known North Korean composer to create a piece for him

The composer had many months to find people to play, and to write a piece. Once it was performed on stage, it sounded terrible. The players werent synchronized, and they were all playing the wrong notes. That night the composer was set to be executed.

Before the composer was put in the electr...

i've got a Liszt of great composer puns that's Haydn in my closet somewhere...

i could look Bach there and read it to you, but i don't think you could Handel it.

What did the 18th century German composer say when he needed to use the bathroom?

“I’ll be right Bach, I need to make a movement”

I've been invited to a fancy dress party at Arnold Schwarzenegger's house. The theme is classical composers.

I'll be Bach.

What's the difference between JR Smith and a bad music composer?

One of them still knows the score

As Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger had to attend many high society functions. One such function was a fund raiser which featured a symphony orchestra playing a medley of pieces by famous composers.

Arnie, as is well known, has only one preference when it comes to classical composers, but sat patiently during the performance.

There were selections by Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Tchaikovsky and more.

The Governor began to get quite perturbed when, after over an hour and half, his favo...

I made a belt, entirely composed of watches

It was a waist of time

What is a composer's favorite vegetable?

Bach choy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate when people incorrectly categorize Mozart as a classical composer...

Even though he lived during the Classical Era, he was Baroque as fuck.

Why didn't 18th century composer George Frideric Handel go shopping while he lived in London?

Because he was Baroque.

Did you hear about the constipated composer?

He couldn't finish the last movement.

A Soviet composer is looking at his notes in Moscow...

... and a soldier oversees the symbols and assumes he's a spy communicating in a form of code. The composer is arrested and brought to the Gulag where he pleads "Please, it's just Tchaikovsky's violin concerto!". Later that day he is brought to an interrogation room and sits down, a Soviet officer w...

Why did the composer go to the chiropractor?

Because he had Bach problems

Did you know they are making an action movie about the great composers?

Arnold Schwarzeneggar says he'll be Bach.

What did the composer say about the music at the Super Bowl?

It's in half time.

What do you call a Kansas cover band composed of physicists?

Baryon my wayward son!

Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all hired to do movies about the big three classical music composers. The director gives them the choice on who they play.

Bruce shrugs and says, "I guess I'll be Beethoven".

Stallone thinks for a minute and says, "Eh, I'll be Mozart then."

Everyone then turns to Arnold who looks down with a sigh, "I'll be Bach".

It was movie night, and I thought my favourite baroque composer and Henry VIII would enjoy the film JFK.

Sadly, Bach and Tudor left.

How does a composer remember which groceries to buy?

She writes a Chopin Liszt.

If classical composers of old were alive and listened to some of the music that's popular today, they'd all complain....

Except Beethoven

Steven Spielberg wants to make a movie about famous composers, so he puts out a casting call.

Gary Oldman walks in first and says, "I played Beethoven in *Immortal Beloved*, so I already have experience playing the part."

Tom Hulce calls in next, "I was Mozart in *Amadeus*, and would love to play him again.

Arnold Schwarzenegger meets with him and says, "I'll be Bach."

What do you call a boy-band composed of stoners?

No Direction.

What do you get when you cross a Classical German composer with an erupting volcano?

Baklava.

(It came to me in a dream last night. I dunno man..)

Which classical composer is best at playing hide and seek?

Haydn. [OC]

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Arnold Schwarzenegger is actually a talented composer with a love for classical music!

His newest album is titled, "I'll Be Bach."

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