Compose Jokes

VanDamme: I’ll be Mozart.

Schwarzenegger: Stop it guys I’m not saying it.

Brunettes do, during the lonely winter evenings.

Did you know the composers of classical music were the rockstars of their time?

It's true!

A lot of the showmanship we associate with popular musicians actually originated among classical composers.

For example, later in his career, Beethoven was known to start all his orchestr... read more

An Orange Schubert.

B…b Bach!

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple

days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard

some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried.

Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.

T... read more

…Rachmaninov.

How many movements?

C-3PO says, “I’ll be Mozart”. Robocop says, “I’ll be Beethoven”. The Terminator says, “I’ll be Bach”.

All the action heroes are at Stalone's house when their phones all go off. Their agents give them news about a new action movie focused on the great composers. After the call they are all talking about who they would like to play.

Stalone: I'm not going to be in it if I can't be Mozart.... read more

Composer: Is it really THAT important that there are no voices in any of the tracks?

Director: It's instrumental

Don’t fix it if it ain’t baroque.

Just let Hans simmer for about 2 hours.

Liszt.

Claude Debussy

He’s a Singer songwriter or sew it seams. (Don’t hate me.) Edit: corrected word.

With 20 kids in the house, it was hard for him to find quiet time to work.

So he decided to find a quiet place outdoors, and found a small shed in the woods. Unfortunately, it was so far from his home, that by the time he got there and started writing, it was time to go back home for lunch. ... read more

That’s what you call thinking outside the Bach’s.

Bruce Willis said, "I'll be Beethovan"

Sylvester Stallone replied, "I'll be Mozart"

Arnold Schwarzenegger chimed in, "I'll be Bach"

But he didn't listen

But did he listen?

When asked about it it, Mr Schwarzenegger said "I'll be Bach"

**Debussy Cat**

I suggested, "Don't START believing".

It was during the Baroque period.

Bach choy.

They compose when they are alive and decompose when they are dead!

Weeks after the funeral, one of the townspeople gets drunk and tries to find his way home. In his drunken stupor, he finds himself lost in the graveyard. When he comes across the composer's grave, he begins to hear a strange, haunting melody. This terrifies him, and he runs out of the graveyard scre... read more

Arnold Schwarzenegger will be Bach.

Stallone, Willis and Schwarzenegger are producing and starring in a period drama about the Great Composers.
They all agree that Stallone should play the role of Beethoven, but Willis and Schwarzenegger get into an argument about who should play Chopin.
Stallone suggest they toss a coin to de... read more

Now they are decomposers.

A Chopin cart

His friends called him Mutezart.

as he had several scores to settle

I'm Bach now.

HONK

Debussy

They both use slurs

Georg would say "I'll be Handel!”

Franz would say "I'll be Schubert!”

Arnold would say "I'll be Bach!"

Hell hath no fury like a woman score.

Everyone thought he had some sheet music

A de*bach*le.

I guess that qualifies him as being a freak in the sheets and on the sheets.....

They're extension chords.

She's a Singer songwriter.

It was Bach-breaking work, but we got it done.

If any of you can get a Holst of it, could you Handel it to me?

Because they were baroque a f.

An algorithm

(Credit to my girlfriend)

Can you pay? I'm baroque.

It was an arranged marriage.

I feel so lisztless

Arnold was Bach

... he starts decomposing.

After he died, Bach landed at the Pearly Gates where God was waiting. "Bach! hallelujah!" God said: "Our angelic choir is in need of a new oratorio, and with how many songs you've composed, you MUST be the man for the job."

Bach sighed, then said:

"God, I've spent my entire life comp... read more

Tchai *cough* Tea

They already approached Arnold Schwarzenegger about playing fellow Austrian Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, but he said "no, I'll be Bach!"

i could look Bach there and read it to you, but i don't think you could Handel it.

“I’ll be right Bach, I need to make a movement”

I'll be Bach.

One of them still knows the score

Arnie, as is well known, has only one preference when it comes to classical composers, but sat patiently during the performance.

There were selections by Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Tchaikovsky and more.

The Governor began to get quite perturbed when, after over an hour and half, his favo... read more

It was a waist of time

Bach choy.

Because he was Baroque.

He couldn't finish the last movement.

... and a soldier oversees the symbols and assumes he's a spy communicating in a form of code. The composer is arrested and brought to the Gulag where he pleads "Please, it's just Tchaikovsky's violin concerto!". Later that day he is brought to an interrogation room and sits down, a Soviet officer w... read more

Because he had Bach problems

Arnold Schwarzeneggar says he'll be Bach.

It's in half time.

Baryon my wayward son!

Bruce shrugs and says, "I guess I'll be Beethoven".

Stallone thinks for a minute and says, "Eh, I'll be Mozart then."

Everyone then turns to Arnold who looks down with a sigh, "I'll be Bach".

Sadly, Bach and Tudor left.

She writes a Chopin Liszt.

Except Beethoven

Gary Oldman walks in first and says, "I played Beethoven in *Immortal Beloved*, so I already have experience playing the part."

Tom Hulce calls in next, "I was Mozart in *Amadeus*, and would love to play him again.

Arnold Schwarzenegger meets with him and says, "I'll be Bach."

No Direction.

Baklava.

(It came to me in a dream last night. I dunno man..)

Haydn. [OC]