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Science Teacher Jokes

A Science Teacher stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"

Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette." The teacher nodded, and then she called on little Susie.

Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Porsche." ...

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An art teacher, a math teacher, and a science teacher are all arguing over which one of them is the smartest.

The art teacher shows the others a giant clay sculpture of a dog he made. “This thing took me nearly a month to make.” He said. “Clearly this proves that I’m the smartest.”

The math teacher just laughs at him. “That’s nothing” she says. She then pulls out a huge 1’000 question math test which...

A dad joke my science teacher told me a long time ago:

Why are bacteria so bad at math?

Because they multiply by dividing.

RIP Miss Henn. Miss her lots.

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The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to...

Science teacher fail.

Little Johnny is on a field trip with his science class; they're in the woods.
Johnny spies a snake. He asks "Hey teacher, is this snake poisonous"?
The teacher responds "No, that snake is not poisonous".

Johnny catches the snake. He proudly shows it off to his classmates. The snake tur...

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I really wish they'd taught sex in schools.

My science teacher didn't have a fucking clue what he was doing.

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying
around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the
aircraft's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the
helicopter's position and course to get back to ...

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A science teacher tells his class...

"Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1774." A blonde student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1774! Otherwise I would have died without it."

Two science teachers from my school just got married...

I guess they had a lot of chemistry

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A science teacher takes his young student aside...

A science teacher takes his young student aside in the lab one afternoon and tells him he wants to teach him a new way of discovering knowledge and developing understanding. He is an excellent student but tends to get caught up in the strictness of the scientific method.

"It's all very well t...

My science teacher told us this

James Bond says to a chicken, "I'm Bond, James Bond." The chicken turns and says, "Well I'm Ken, Chic-ken."

I'll see myself out...

I asked my science teacher if she has a favorite element

She said No

In science class, 3 worms were places into 3 different jars.

The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a jar of soil.

After one day, these were the results:

The first worm in alcohol ---dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke --- dead.<...

My science teacher caught me drinking alcohol

well it is a solution

The science teacher is in trouble for slapping his student

The parents phones says "I'm sending two coppers right now to charge you with battery."

He says "You can't charge a battery with two coppers. You need a copper and a zinc."

Teachers can be funny sometimes, even science teachers.

Periodically, that is.

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My science teacher said he was going to show me his transistor.

Imagine my surprise when a girl with a penis appeared.

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The science teacher was discussing insects in her biology class.

She said, "Moths always fly with their legs apart. Can anybody tell me why?"
The quick witted retort came flying back "Well miss have you seen the size of moth balls?"

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Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class:

"Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"

Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. "Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"

Mary st...

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I asked my science teacher why he loves teaching about birds so much

He said it was the only class where he can say tit, booby, and cock without getting fired

A science teacher asked his class "Would you like to hear a Chemistry joke?"

They said "Na"

A computer science teacher asks the class to turn to page 404.

The students search feverishly, to no avail

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Mr. Dickson, the science teacher, asked his 4th graders one day if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole.

Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers. They came back the next day and still no one knew the answer.

"Look," said Mr. Dickson while holding his index finger against his thumb, forming a little "zero."

"This is one hole, my nose ...

What did the science teacher say when the kid was experimenting with magnets?

"May the force be with you"

A science teacher asks her student to stay after class because he repeatedly doesn't hand in his homework...

"Billy," the teacher says, "If you don't hand in your homework one more time you will fail the semester."

"But I have a reason for why I haven't," responded Billy.

"And what is that?" Asks the teacher.

"Well, we have been studying multiverse theory, so that means that there are ...

A PE teacher asks his students who they think the smartest teacher at the school is.

The students all answer with the science teachers.

The PE teacher says "No, it's me. I get paid the same as them and I get to play dodgeball all day."

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Son to father

Son: Dad , maths teacher has summoned you.

Dad: what did you do now?

Son: he asked what is 5 times 10, i said 50. Now whats 10 times 5

Father: what kind of shitfuckery is this?

Son: exactly thats what i said.

next day…

Son: Did you visit maths teacher?
...

At my school there’s a rapper named MC Squared

The science teacher just calls him E

Average joke

3 teachers, Science, Auto shop, and Mathematics, go hunting together over their winter vacation. They come across an enormous 6 point buck. The science teacher who saw it first takes aim. He fires and misses by 3 feet to left. The auto shop teacher shoulders him asside and says, " this is how you do...

School Projects are fun

A science teacher sent off his year 8 class with a homework task, come up witch a science experiment, and either film it to show to the class, or show the experiment in front of the class next week.

Tim went home and thought long and hard about what he would do, but he came in next week with ...

Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson

The teacher asks the class, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?”

Little Mary says, “The science teacher is very intelligent.”

The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?”

Little Suzie says, “The ladies are very fashionable.”

Th...

An elementary school student gets gum stuck in his hair...

So the nurse takes him to the science teacher and say "Can you get the gum out of his hair?"

The science teacher responds "Of course, its just a matter of having the right solvent."

An hour later the nurse asks the science teacher "Have any luck?"

The science teacher responds "Y...

Two scientists walk into a bar

One says I’ll have “H2O”

The one on the right says “I’ll have H2O too”

The bartender says ok, and hands them their water.

30 seconds later and the scientist fall on the floor

“What happened “ a scientist says
“ oops I gave him H2O2”

I know it’s bad but my scien...

What is pink, hard when it goes in, soft when it comes out, dry when it goes in, and wet when it comes out?

Bubble gum. Got this joke from a high school science teacher, one of the weird ones.

School is good

[Original]
A child walks in the restaurant and asks for tea gravy. The waiter says the don't have it in the menu and the kid pouted and went away.
After this happened 4-5 times, the kid started crying in the 6th restaurant asking for tea gravy again.
When the manager said they have never ...

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The fastest thing...

Science teacher asks the kids, what is the fastest thing they know.

Timmy: Electricity!

Teacher: Why? Tell us?

Timmy: Whenever I press the light switch in my room, it takes less than a second to be on.

Teacher: Good example Timmy.


Fred: A lightning!

Teac...

Units.

A science teacher is quizzing the class on various units and measurements.

What is the unit of volume?

Liters.


What is the unit of mass?

Kilograms.


What is the unit of distance?

Meters.


What is the unit of power?

Yes.

(I know...

Took a chance and it almost worked

Our science teacher loves creating multiple choice tests and odds are pretty good with the "just answer C" method.

We were discussing that amongst my friends when the popular girls a table over asked if it was true. We confirmed and showed our last graded tests where we "guessed" a few answe...

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