When I enrolled in college, the admissions counselor asked me if I was interested in studying abroad.

I told him I was interested in studying lots of broads.

When I was in college, I used to watch my roommate constantly sweeping girls off their feet.

He was a really aggressive janitor.

A group of 5 college freshmen are going away for holiday by train when they runs into another group of 5 seniors that are taking the same train.

Both groups goes into the ticket booth. The freshmen purchased 5 tickets while the seniors only purchased 1 ticket for the entire group. Puzzled, the freshmen ask the seniors why the other four of them doesn't have any tickets. The seniors simply say: you will see.

On the train when the train...

"Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here."

"But I never went to college..." "Well then, I'm sorry. But you are unqualified to work here."

Do you know who I am?

It was final exams for a senior level college class, and the exam counted as 75% of the grade.

The exam was also strictly timed.

5 minutes before the time was up, the professor gave a warning, "remember, 5 minutes left. When I say put your pencils down, you must do it, or you'll immedi...

In college, I lived in a houseboat and started dating the girl next door.

Eventually we drifted apart.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NO SEX SINCE 1955

A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a ...

The two friends and Hooters

Two men, Kyle and Irish, grew up together, but after college Kyle moved to Maryland and Irish to Texas. They agreed to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other.

At age 32 they met, finished their round of golf and headed for lunch.

"Where you wanna go?"...

Colleges are just like lightbulbs...

The cheap ones work just as well.

An engineer is giving a lecture at the local college...

The lecture hall is completely full with a line out the door of people trying to get in. From the outside of the building the audience could be heard erupting with laughter, applause, oohs and aahs, and gasps of surprise.

A man walking by sees the line out the door and hears the commotion co...

A teenager is trying to decide where to go to college.

He's stuck at a crossroads between three schools - Harvard, Hampden-Sydney, and Alabama. To try and get some guidance, he asks his father,

"Well, what are my chances of getting laid at Harvard?"

"Oh, not good at all," his father says. "They're too focused on studying and working to hav...

What do college students and suicide bombers have in common?

It's impossible to find either with any experience.

My college professor makes extra money by forcing his students to buy his book at the beginning of the term.

It’s textbook Economics.

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Little Johnny asked his teacher if he could talk to her after class

Johnny:" Miss I believe im too smart for my age I want to move on directly to high-school, I'm bored in here."
Hearing that, teacher can't believe his audacity, but nevertheless aranges with the principal an exam in his office for the boy.
The principal is astounded to find that Johnny had an...

I’ve been working at a charity, teaching college education to reformed Mexican gangsters.

It’s not going very well because for some reason they refuse to turn in their essays.

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A young cowboy from Montana goes off to college.

Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all his money .... he calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in University that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Da...

A 22 year old man is searching for himself after college

He decides to take a trip around the world with the money he’s saved up over the years. After traveling through Europe, Asia, the Americas and Africa he lands himself in Egypt.

In Egypt he rents a jeep and sets off to explore the desert. However, he realizes that he is lost. He becomes exhaus...

My roommate from college was obsessed with trying to find the largest known prime number.

I wonder what he’s up to now.

During his years at college in the 70s Former Vice President Al Gore was introduced to the disco scene. Spending every spare evening he could frequenting the Discos across town and Dancing out late all night. His dancing passion eventually earned him a nickname, they called him........

Al-Gore-Rhythm

What is the best college to apply to learn about solar radiation?

U.V. Ray

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A college girl was desperate to pass a poetry class for which she was almost failing...

For the final exam, the professor announced the challenge of the year: he wanted the students to write something confident. Philosophical. Something that really meant "no worries."

Everyone went home and stayed up all night writing their final exam poetry, the girl including.

The next ...

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A college student is talking with his therapist.

The student says to the therapist, "I haven't had a good day today. I lost something."

"What did you lose?" asked the therapist.

"My ex got run over on the street by a bus."

"Oh my goodness, I am very sorry you lost your ex."

The student replied, "What? No, I lost my job...

What's Irish and sits on the porch?

Paddy O'furniture

(Shanelessly stolen off a sign in College Station, TX)

How do you save on college tuition?

Don’t vaccinate your children

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are 2 farmers, Jim and Bob, sitting in a Bar having a beer..

Jim turns to Bob, and says, "You know what, I'm going to go to college!" He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college. He is met with the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take.

"Alright, Jim. You are going to take 4 classes," t...

What do you call hiking US college students?

The walking debt.

My local college has a scheme that lets student earn their tuition by working in the on campus bakery.

The opportunity isn't open to everyone. It's run on a strictly knead to know basis.

A 4.0 Student

Was taking an ornithology course in college. The course was known for being very rigorous and challenging, but the student was confident in his abilities. Just before the final exam, the professor assigned a hefty amount of homework, due before the day of the exam. The student was able to finish the...

Questionable Advice

After my dad died, my mom started dating a man who had just immigrated from France.

He wanted to get along with me so that my mom would like him more, and he knew I liked baseball, so he would play catch with me and encouraged me to join the school's baseball team.

He would always sa...

After years of hard work after college, I finally paid back my student loans.

I wish I can post this in a different sub.

A lady in college complains about how it's taking so long to get through school. I tell her I know, I went for 8 years.

I'm still happy I stopped going after the 8th grade.

I was taken advantage of my first day of college

I was young.

There were more than one of them.

They wanted my interest and they got it.

They said I couldn't back out.

And it won't be that bad.

I took more than I could handle and it hurt.

Now it burdens me every day.

They said after college th...

"Dad,why did you take my name off your will ?"

"when i asked you to graduate from college, you only said that a single piece of paper can't decide my fate".

When I was in college I went to a fortune teller and she told me that if I stay in school and get my degree I will be making a ridiculous amount of money

Turns out she was right!
Now I work as a crossing guard.

An old man walks into a confessional

The priest behind the screen says, "What are your sins my son?" The old man replies, "Well Father, I'm 63 years old. I've been married to the same woman for 40 years and I've been faithful all that time. That ended last night when I had a three-way with two college-age girls."

The priest look...

The male owner of a business is interviewing a young woman just about to graduate from an all-women’s college.

She was very excited about her interview but wanted to make sure that this business was progressive when it came to women in the workplace. It seemed like every company she interviewed at were run by horrible misogynists. When it came to the part of the interview when he asked her if she had any que...

Did you hear about the english professor that's been with all the women in the college?

Turns out he's a real cunning linguist.

42% of strippers are working their way through college.

This, according to the latest pole.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say college costs an arm and a leg...

...I still have both arms, but it really hurts to piss now.

What kind of cologne do college students in Burlington, NC wear?

Elon Musk

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A school hired a new Spanish teacher fresh out of college.

On the teacher's first day, the principal decides to sit in her class to observe and takes a seat next to Little Johnny. As the class progresses, the teacher writes a sentence in Spanish on the board. Suddenly, she drops the chalk on the floor and bends down to pick it up. When she straightens back ...

I think college athletes should get paid to play sports.

Except Tennessee. They're Volunteers.

A group of crows were receiving their PhDs at their college's commencement ceremony when the police showed up.

They all were arrested for third-degree murder.

Why didn't the sun go to college?

Because it had a million degrees.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gambler walks into a bar...

He sits down, orders a beer and starts a conversation with the bartender. The bartender asks what brings him to town. The gambler says “I make my living going around gambling on things.” “Like on sports?” Asks the bartender. The gambler replies “No, I bet on anything and I never lose any money... ...

What do you call Russian student who seems like he'll never finish college?

Stalling grad

What did the buffalo say to his son when he went to college?

Bison

Missing Lastname

A local law enforcement officer stopped a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he was in a good mood that day he decided to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name." Fred" he replies. "Fred what?" the officer a...

Do you know which questions is the most asked by someone with a college degree in art or history?

Do you want fries with that?

I can’t stand Honors college kids. I asked this girl “hey, why aren’t koalas considered to be bears?”

And she said, “they’re marsupials.”

Shut up, nerd. The answer to the joke is they don’t have the koalafications.

What college did Michael Jackson go to?

Bringham Young University

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two college girls are moving into their dorm

One girl is from Georgia and one is from Connecticut and she is with her mother.

The girl from Georgia walks up and says, “hey, where y’all from?”

Connecticut girl: “Where we’re from, you don’t end a sentence with a preposition,” she laughs.

The girl from Georgia responds: “Oh...

What's my college major?

Major depression

Mischievous medical student

A notorious student in medical college was up to his usual tricks. This time, he went to his professor, but his professor was ready for him.

Student: 'How long can a man survive without a brain, sir? '

Professor: 'I don't know really. How old are you? '

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