Why did the slave go to college?

So he could pick up his Master's degree.

I was taken advantage of my first day of college

I was young.

There were more than one of them.

They wanted my interest and they got it.

They said I couldn't back out.

And it won't be that bad.

I took more than I could handle and it hurt.

Now it burdens me every day.

They said after college th...

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Two college girls are moving into their dorm

One girl is from Georgia and one is from Connecticut and she is with her mother.

The girl from Georgia walks up and says, “hey, where y’all from?”

Connecticut girl: “Where we’re from, you don’t end a sentence with a preposition,” she laughs.

The girl from Georgia responds: “Oh...

42% of strippers are working their way through college.

This, according to the latest pole.

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A school hired a new Spanish teacher fresh out of college.

On the teacher's first day, the principal decides to sit in her class to observe and takes a seat next to Little Johnny. As the class progresses, the teacher writes a sentence in Spanish on the board. Suddenly, she drops the chalk on the floor and bends down to pick it up. When she straightens back ...

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Three freshmen meet for the first time in a college dorm....

and introduce themselves, mostly trying to impress one another.

The first one says, "My family has been in America for more than 200 years. My father is C.E.O of the biggest bank in New York and he gave me a BMW to drive around the campus."

The second one says, "That's nice."

T...

What did the Buffalo say when his son left for college?

Bison

A lady in college complains about how it's taking so long to get through school. I tell her I know, I went for 8 years.

I'm still happy I stopped going after the 8th grade.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on my metaphysics exam.

I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

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An uneducated man decides to give college a second chance. He walks up to the Dean of his local community college and says, "I want to learn something new, I haven't learned much and I want to learn more,". "Great, which class would you like to take?" said the Dean.

"Which classes do you offer?" responded the man.

"We have all sorts of classes, from science to logic," said the Dean.

"What's logic?" asked the man.

"Well, I can use information to assume something." Said the Dean.

"How?" asked the Man.

"Take this scenario, d...

I think college athletes should get paid to play sports.

Except Tennessee. They're Volunteers.

A group of crows were receiving their PhDs at their college's commencement ceremony when the police showed up.

They all were arrested for third-degree murder.

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They say college costs an arm and a leg...

...I still have both arms, but it really hurts to piss now.

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I wasn’t allowed in a fraternity in college because I was circumcised.

Apparently you need to be a complete dick.

When I was in college I went to a fortune teller and she told me that if I stay in school and get my degree I will be making a ridiculous amount of money

Turns out she was right!
Now I work as a crossing guard.

The male owner of a business is interviewing a young woman just about to graduate from an all-women’s college.

She was very excited about her interview but wanted to make sure that this business was progressive when it came to women in the workplace. It seemed like every company she interviewed at were run by horrible misogynists. When it came to the part of the interview when he asked her if she had any que...

What kind of cologne do college students in Burlington, NC wear?

Elon Musk

Did you hear about the english professor that's been with all the women in the college?

Turns out he's a real cunning linguist.

I can’t stand Honors college kids. I asked this girl “hey, why aren’t koalas considered to be bears?”

And she said, “they’re marsupials.”

Shut up, nerd. The answer to the joke is they don’t have the koalafications.

Why didn't the sun go to college?

Because it had a million degrees.

What do you call Russian student who seems like he'll never finish college?

Stalling grad

What do you call a college of hippopotamus?

Hippocampus.

What's my college major?

Major depression

A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot.

Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m."

He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.

They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay."

She's there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats al...

What college did Michael Jackson go to?

Bringham Young University

A college student calls the admissions office

'Hi, my last name is Sweady, but on my acceptance letter, its listed as Cyirwu, is there a way to fix it?'

'Sorry about that, could you spell it for me? I'll try and update your file.'

'Sure, S as in sea, W as in why, E as in eye, A as in are, D as in 'double-u', and Y as in you.

3 college students are living together to save money

One day they decided to carpool to class to conserve gas and cash, but they live in the top floor of a 30 floor apartment complex. The elevator breaks, which makes them have to take the stairs. The 3 deside to make time fly. The first 16 floors guy one tells a really happy story, the second 10 floor...

Why do male, Mexicans get better jobs out of college?

Because they can apply for señor positions.

When I told my family I graduated from clown college…

… they all laughed at me.

A buddy of mine went to college, majored in veterinary medicine and minored in taxidermy.

"Either way you're getting your dog back" He says

A boy was driving home to Minnesota from his first semester of college...

...in California for winter break. He had the car packed and he left after his last final. He wanted to make good time so he drove all night, but as the sun came up his stomach started to rumble...it was time for breakfast!

He pulled into a mom and pop diner and it looked exactly like you'd e...

Do you know which questions is the most asked by someone with a college degree in art or history?

Do you want fries with that?

When I was in college, my roommate used to clean my room and I used to clean his.

We were maid for each other.

Girl, are you a college acceptance letter?

Because I feel like you are about to reject me.

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I was trisexual in college.

I kept *trying* to be sexual but nobody was willing to help.

“Forget everything you learned in college. You won’t need it working here”

“I never went to college”

“Oh sorry. Unfortunately you’re not qualified to work here”

What do you call a test tube with a college degree?

A graduated cylinder.

My barista told me he wants to major in advertising when he goes to college

I thought it was a great idea, it'll help him sell more coffee.

I'm taking a college course on the Environment and i'm dyslexic

Precipitation is 50% of the class!

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A college professor started to notice that one of his students, Dave, started gaining lots of female attention.

So, one day he asks Dave about his secret. Dave replies: "Well, before sex I simply whip out my willy and smack it against the bedside table, like a hammer. It numbs it up and makes me last longer".

Later that day, the professor gets home to his wife and finds her in the shower - a welcome op...

What is a Gen Z'ers favorite college?

Juuliard

Sam: Hey, you need help with your college homework?

New neighbor: That depends. How bright are you?

Sam: Well, I'm so bright, my mom calls me sun.

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

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A farm boy graduated from college with a degree in journalism.

He got hired immediately and was told his first assignment was to write a human interest story. Being from the country, he decided to go back home to do his research.

He went to an old farmer's house way out in the hills, introduced himself to the farmer, and explained what he was there to ...

Three college graduates—one in Math, one in Engineering, and one in Economics—sit for a job interview.

The question they’re all asked is “What’s 2+2?”

The Math graduate goes to the whiteboard, fills it with a proof, and concludes that, “A solution exists.”

The Engineering graduate consults his addition tables, writes some calculations down, graphs his results, and says, “3. But we’ll ma...

A man spoke to each of his 3 sons when he sent them off to college...

"I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that.  However, I want you to appreciate it.  As a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."

And so it happened.  His sons became a doctor, a lawyer and a financial pl...

My local college just announced the end of a scientific study...

Results showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.

College days

In college I was so broke I couldn’t pay the electricity bill.
These were the darkest days of my life.

Thank you student loans for getting me through college!

I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you

My older sister came back from her first year of college and was talking about her favorite sorority initiation called Boo-Khaki

I didn’t know it was required of sororities to hate on khakis, like whats the big deal?

My wife was disappointed to find out the real reason why my nickname in college was “The Love Machine"

It’s because I sucked at tennis

What did the suicide bombers son say when his son went off to an American college?

They blow up so quickly...

College girl visits the doctor for an exam...

Doctor: "Take off your blouse and bra."

So the girl complies and there is imprint of a T on her chest.

Doctor says: "What caused this?"

Girl: "Well my boyfriend goes to Texas University and likes to wear his letter jacket when we make love."

Doctor: "Ok you're finished, ...

My old girlfriend wanted me to do her college algebra homework for her

But frankly, I didn't want to solve for ex

A pompous student is taking a college course but never shows up to class. on the day of exams...

On the day of exams the student comes in and starts writing his essay with the rest as if he’s been there the whole time. The professor sees this and thinks how weird it is that the kid is taking the exam without going to the classes. Anyways the time is nearing the end and the professor announces t...

A man without much of a formal education decides that he'd like enroll at his local college

His advisor recommends taking courses in English, European history, world religions and logic. "What's logic?" asks the man. "Why don't you ask your logic instructor" replies his advisor.

So the man goes to his logic instructor's office, introduces himself and asks what logic is about. "Well...

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NSFW Where do prostitutes go to college?

Fuck U

As a college girl, I never understood the whole Sorority thing

It's all Greek to me

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out.

Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepar...

Two basketball recruits are taking a college entrance exam.

The coach says,” men all you have to do is finish this sentence and you’re admitted to school. “

He continues, “Old MacDonald had a _____?”

One of the jocks thinks for a moment and proudly says,” Old MacDonald had a farm.”

The other says, “Yea but how do you spell farm?”

...

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My roommate in college was a weird performance artist who outlined all his paintings using his penis.

I should have never moved in with Dick Tracy.

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A college teacher reminds her class of the next day’s final exam.

“Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!”

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and ask...

I had trouble making friends in college until I came up with a foolproof plan.

I started telling girls, “I love you”, and their first reaction was “Let’s just be friends.”

Why did the Anti vax person avoid college parties?

There were way too many shots going around.

Why did the college football team stop smoking

They lost all their matches.

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The Lovely Tale of Opposite-Sex College Roommates

A guy and a girl are college roommates. No feelings at all. One day, the girl goes to a frat party and brings home the notoriously bi frat dude. She f*cks him, and then the next morning, tells him she has feelings for her roommate and so the two of them won't work out. The frat dude, just happy he g...

Yo momma's so poor

Her bank account looks like a college graduate's



Edit :Your momma's so stupid, she thought Reddit Gold was the name of a Jewish banker

A college girl was found dead in her bathtub...

She decided to take a bath after a long day of testing. Unbeknownst to her, her roommate had a fetish of putting a 9-volt battery in the bath to give herself a small electric shock.

This time, however, she left it in the tub. The college girl decided she wanted to put some soothing bath salts...

Add a word to ruin a movie:

**- Batman Begins College - The Longest Yard Sale - Charlottes Web Cam.**



Your Turn :)

Johnny paid his way through college by waitering in a restaurant.

"What's the usual tip?" asked a customer.

"Well," said Johnny, "this is my first day, but the other guys said that, if I got five dollars out of you, I'd be doing great."

"Is that so?" growled the customer. "In that case, here's twenty dollars."

"Thanks. I'll put it in my colleg...

Back in 1921, a member of the faculty in a London medical college was appointed an honorary physician to the king.



He proudly wrote a notice on the blackboard in his classroom:

"Professor Jennings informs his students that he has been appointed honorary physician to His Majesty, King George."

When he returned to the class-room in the afternoon he found written below his notice this line:...

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Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob are sitting in a bar, enjoying beers.

Jim turns to Bob, and says, "You know what, I'm going to go to college!" He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college. He is met with the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take.

"Alright, Jim. You are going to take 4 classes," t...

Two men grow up together, but after college one moves to Maryland and the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.

“Where you wanna go?”

“Hooters.”

“Why Hooters?”

“They have those servers with the beautiful bosoms, the tight shorts, and the gorgeous legs.”

“You’re on.”

At age 42, they meet and play golf ...

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A gambler walks into a bar...

He sits down, orders a beer and starts a conversation with the bartender. The bartender asks what brings him to town. The gambler says “I make my living going around gambling on things.” “Like on sports?” Asks the bartender. The gambler replies “No, I bet on anything and I never lose any money... ...

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People say that without college I'm nothin

Bitch please I don't need a degree to be a clothing hanger


*Hooks onto clothing rack*

At a meeting of the college faculty, an angel suddenly appears

and tells the head of the philosophy department, “I will grant you
whichever of three blessings you choose: Wisdom, Beauty, or
10 million dollars.”

Immediately, the professor chooses Wisdom.

There is a flash of lightning, and the professor appears
transformed, but he just sits...

A college professor was very worried about his recent study on earthquakes.

It turns out his findings were on shaky ground.

Passing through his son’s college town late one night, a father decides to drop in and pay his kid a visit.

The father knocks on the fraternity house door. No one answers. He knocks louder, but still no answer. He begins to bang angrily on the door. Finally, a head pops out of a window on the second floor. “You need something, pal?” a frat brother asks from the window.



“Yes, does Billy Powe...

"Dad,why did you take my name off your will ?"

"when i asked you to graduate from college, you only said that a single piece of paper can't decide my fate".

My girlfriend in college was obsessed with trying to discover the largest known prime number.

I wonder what she is up to now.

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Four Jewish brothers left home for college...

Four Jewish brothers left home for college to become a lawyer, a doctor, a hedge fund operator, and a retailer. They all prospered. Some years later, chatting after a Channukah dinner, they discussed the gifts
that they were able to give to their elderly mother.

The first said, "I had a b...

An old man walks into a confessional

The priest behind the screen says, "What are your sins my son?" The old man replies, "Well Father, I'm 63 years old. I've been married to the same woman for 40 years and I've been faithful all that time. That ended last night when I had a three-way with two college-age girls."

The priest look...

A girl was failing all her classes in college.

Deciding to try to use her looks to get ahead and get better grades she visited each of her male professors. She had three.

She visited the first one. After flirting a bit and getting some good reaction she decided to flash him. He seemed happy and liked them. Confident that he would raise h...

An Arab student studying in Europe phones his dad

Dad: How's your life going son?

Son: It's going well, Dad.

Dad: Is something wrong? You don't sound happy.

Son: No Dad, everything's fine. Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here

Dad: Son, tell me the truth. I know something's not right.,

So...

TIL College football is actually a combination of two American pastimes

Coercive land grabbing, and exploiting unpaid black labor

A group of college students are having a party in a flat on the 10th floor.

It's been going for a while now, everyone is properly drunk and baked. One of them decides that since they're so high up, they might be even able to reach Mars, so he takes an empty carton, writes "Mission to Mars" on it, and with other partygoers assistance is thrown out of the window with it. They...

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College professor is experiencing a “slow-down” in his sex-life with his wife...

... so he is trying to figure out how to spice it up. He is hearing that there is a foreign student who has a lot of luck with girls on the campus so he decides to ask him for advice.

“Paolo, how are you doing it?”
“Well professor, right before I am about to do it with a girl, I whip my j...

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This whole college bribery scandal pisses me off. When I got into MIT, we didn't have fixers or bribes.

We did it the old fashioned way: cheating and blowjobs.

My dad told me that colleges are cracking down on ghost-written essays...

I asked, “What about mummy-written essays?”

What did Chuck Norris tell his father when he left for college?

“You’re the man of the house now”

Why did the music note drop out of college?

Because it couldn’t pick a major

I wish my college was run by EA

At least I’d get a sense of pride and accomplishment for my money

On the first day of preschool, kids are taught how to play Simon Says

After you graduate high school and get a job, you find out your boss is Simon and you got duped into going to school for 10 years when you learned all you had to know on your first day of preschool.

Frustrated, you go back to your high school teacher to learn something useful for once, "Teach...

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An American college student goes to Dublin for St Patrick’s Day

He's getting hammered in a pub, and goes to take a leak. He steps up to the urinal, and this little guy, with a bright orange beard, and all in green, steps up next to him, whips out this giant dick and starts pissing too. The American guy has never seen a dick that big, and he kind of blurts out, “...

A college student, A banker, and a bomber are on a plane

They are losing altitude and fast. The pilot says they need to lose some weight if they want to survive. The college student drops his backpack. The banker drops a large safe. The bomber drops a bomb.

A few hours later, walking down the street, a child is sitting crying on the curb. A man as...

I asked a math major freshman friend this morning, "So what's your four-year plan in college?"

ohhh you mean my Four-Year Transform or Four-Year Series?

A famous professor is going around giving lectures. After he finishes one up in Denver, he climbs into his car and talks to his driver.

"Hey Bill, take me back to the hotel please"

"Yes sir. Ya know, Dr. Diller, I've heard your lecture so many times I bet I could recite it word for word"

"Oh, you really think so? Well, if I ever can't make it to a conference one day, I'll take you up on that bet."

Well, believe ...

Sharing a washing machine in college

I was going to the college laundry room to wash my clothes and noticed someone left their clothes in the dryer that I had booked.

Naturally I just went to take it out, but just as I did, a girl walked in, and saw me with my arms full of her towels and underwear.

She gave me a very we...

What's one of the perks of going to a big college on Southern California?

UCLA

College life for introverts

1st year - People are so good to me. I feel I am respected a lot! Friends are bliss!

2nd year - People are distancing from me. I guess they don't like me. I've to find new people I suppose.

3rd year - Should I change my attitude to get friends? I don't know why I get cheated everytime ...

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