President Trump said "No politician in history — and I say this with great surety — has been treated worse or more unfairly."

I guess the 6 Presidents who were shot no longer count





*edit had 4 in post originally

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Hindenburg is the greatest feat of aeronautical engineering in all of human history

Edit: Holy shit this blew up

My nerdy friend just got a Ph.D. on the history of palindromes.

We now call him Dr.Awkward.

When it comes to Hitler, history hasn't been very kind to him. But people seem to forget that he.....

.....did kill Hitler

What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?

Climax.

What do you say when you finally get the book about the history of herbs you've been waiting for?

It's about thyme.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[OC] Two police officers are talking about what they think was the most expensive crime/robbery in history.

The first officer talks for a few minutes about a bank robber who stole millions of dollars, and had over 50 heists, which he did single handedly, and has still never been caught to this day.

The second officer however, has a much more interesting tale.

“His name was Jack “Richy” Brigg...

This is now the longest government shut down in US History. In lighter news, if seeing who will crack first on the border wall is prolonging it, then this shut down truly is...

a Mexican stand off.

I’m making a documentary on the history of female menstruation...

It’s a period piece.

Hey, I'm not saying Hitler was a great guy.

But he really saved the History channel.

My nephew was doing his history homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo?

I said, "He was a poor boy, from a poor family."

My Grandad was a great man and went down in history

And on one occasion he fingered a girl in geography.

What does someone with a history or violence who digs up coal, and an 11 year old who swears at you during online hames have in common?

They're both offensive minors.

I don't have to worry about my browser history anymore

Whatever I search comes back as Facebook Ads

The history of human evolution is confusing...

There’s so many *Homos*, it’s hard to keep them all straight.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A lawyer in Los Angeles helped make history last month

His client was a UPS driver accused of sexually harassing a woman while dropping off a package. He figured his best chance to win was to fill the jury with people who saw this behaviour as normal. So, he manipulated the process to fill the jury exclusively with male porn stars. It was the first time...

Whoever wins the MegaMillions jackpot will make history

They'll be the first billionaire to pay taxes

A western guy gets a job polishing statues in a natural history museum in India

Before he starts working, some locals warn him of the last man who did this job. "Ve should inform you that the insect exhibit is cursed and the poor man's kid vound up dead after he vas seen cleaning here."

The guy says to them, "sounds like a bunch of superstitious nonsense!" and proceeds t...

The history of MANKIND is just as mysterious as the word itself.

MANKIND is made up of two words, MANK and IND. What do these two words mean? We will never know.

History tends to judge Hitler rather harshly. He really wasn't that bad.

After all, he killed Hitler.

When Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history...

Is it called genealogy or geology?

What would the greatest hockey player in history be called if he would have chosen not to play hockey?

Wayne Regretzky

A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”

The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"

I may not go down in history...

...but I will go down on your mother.

Recently I visited Germany. I hated everything in there. The people, the history, the language. But, oh god, the smell...

...it was the wurst.

My history teacher always makes this joke so I just wanted to share it. Government conferences shouldn't be called conferences.

They should be called government man dates.

We had a history exam on medieval defense methods

I got an A for a fort

Its the year 2500 and students are in history.

A student asks the teacher why is there a gap in the textbook between 1990 and 1999 and the teacher answers “because only 90’s kids remember.”

History lesson for blondes

A history teacher has a class of 20 blondes. He asks to the class:

Can any one of you show me where America is on the map?

Nancy gets up, walks to the map and puts her finger exactly where America is.

Excellent, says the teacher. Now can anyone tell me who discovered...

What do geology and history have in common?

It's always Europe's fault

A professor teaches his students about Chinese history

Professor: Allright class, let me start off today with a fun fact. During early industrial times, a lot of British engineers went to China to start up new businesses there, because of their low taxation rates. Because of this huge increase in migration, the Chinese government invested in the proper ...

During a history lesson at a German school, Little Hans asks his teacher a question.

"Teacher, is it true that Russia has the longest street in the world?"

"I'm not sure" he replies, "why do you ask?"

"Well," Little Hans replies, "my grandpa told me he crawled one street in Stalingrad for four months, and he never reached the end of it."

To his great surprise, Bob won the largest lottery in history.

Unsure what to do with his newfound fortune, he decided to build the world's biggest ship. It was 10 miles long and 3 miles wide; a floating city. Once the ship was complete, Bob had to hire thousands of people to work on it and make it run properly. He held mass interviews and hired sailors, police...

Interesting piece of history

Somewhere in the dawn of time, the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.


In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

I spotted my ex girlfriend on the other side of the museum hall, but I was too self-conscious to go say hello.

There was just too much history between us.

Who pulled off the greatest hat trick in history?

Joseph Smith

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Moments in history - generic name for Viagra.

In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a gener...

R2D2 is the most obscene character in film history

They had to beep out every word he said

Today I learned the history of the word noodles

Back in ancient Asian territory, they created a food product. They chose to trade it with the Western world. When asked what they called this food, they realised they didn't have a name for it yet. It was a great food that always ended with empty bowls, so they decided to take the English words 'nau...

Those who fail to learn history are doomed to repeat it

But those who fail to delete their history are doomed to explain it.

YouTube Rewind 2018 now has the most dislikes through YouTube history.

Just like they said,

We control rewind

Who do you think was one of the most open minded president(s) in history?

I would have to say John F Kennedy and Abraham Lincoln.

My history teacher told me to research about German mining

So I gave her mein shaft

Did you guys know that the Soviet Union made the best bread in history?

People would wait days in line for a single piece!

A British tourist visits Australia. The customs officer asks him “do you have any criminal history?”

The tourist replies, “I didn’t know that was still required!”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Who was the greatest prostitute in history?

Ms. Pacman. For 25 cents, she swallowed balls until she died.

As an entomologist, people are always asking me about the history of words...

It really bugs me.

Which race caused the most despair in the entire human history?

The armaments race.

Why was Sir Edmund Halley the funniest astronomer in history?

Because the joke is always in the comets

A wife tells her husband that she's discovered his secret fetish via his search history...

"It was a weird one for sure," she says, "but I think I can make it work without being too embarrassed, as long as you don't film it." He accepts.

Later that night, he asks her if she wants to try it. She smiles, begins to undress, and goes "SKIPPITY BEE BOP BEE BOP DUP-A DUAAA"

History class in Russia

During a history lesson, the teacher asks her students, “OK class, who knows what event, consequential for the history and culture of the Russian people, took place in 1799?”

From the back of the class, a student raises his hand and answers, “Our greatest poet Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin was...

Everyone thinks Muhammad Ali was the best boxer in history, but Jim Jones had a way higher number of KO's...

900 with just one punch.

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"

​

The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"

The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty five million years old when I started working here, and that was...

Confederate supporters say that we need to leave their statues up to teach history, and that is absolutely true

After all, it's not like they can read.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Who’s the biggest hoe in history?

Ms. Pac-man, because for 25 cents she swallows balls until she dies.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.

It was the first day of school and a new student, Suzuki, son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade class. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history."

The teached asked, "Who said, 'Give me Liberty or give me Death'?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except ...

What does a Instagram teenager do for his history report?

Lincoln bio

There's a beautiful irony in the fact the history channel is showing less and less history...As if the history

Is in the past.

One day in the future, Donald Trump has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to Hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil.

“You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll ...

A documentary about the history of the computer desktop was recently given an R rating...

Turns out every icon was a little graphic.

Winners write history

And losers like to point this out

I did an ancestry.com family history today and found out that my great grandfather helped Rosa Parks initiate the civil rights movement

He was the guy who said, "Get up, that's my seat."

What is the best cheese in the history of the world?

GOAT cheese

I did really well on my Roman history test.

I got a C.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Black people have black history day so what do white people have?

Father’s Day

Most colleges have a women's studies major, but mine has a men's studies major too

It's called "history"

I have a degree in men's studies.

It's called "world history".

#TRUMP 2016! YOU CAN'T STUMP THE TRUMP!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My history teacher told me a joke about WW2 today...

If you have unknown troops in front of you and you want to find out who they are, fire a few rounds in their direction.

If you are met with precision machine gun fire, they’re German.

If you are met by a volley of precision rifle fire, they are British.

If they surrender, they’r...

Everybody is saying Harvey Weinstein is the worst person in history, but I think they're forgetting that Hitler is the worst person in history

I mean if he finished what he started, we wouldn't have to deal with Weinstein

No one knows history anymore...

It's a thing of the past

We must remember the past, or history will always repeat itself.

We must remember the past, or history will always repeat itself.

TIL Franklin D. Roosevelt is the longest sitting president in US history.

He was just sitting all the time.

I accidentally ripped up my homework assignment about the history of perforated paper.

It was tearable.

Sometimes I really do regret taking history and geography

Every time I’d enter the class room I would exclaim ‘oh the humanities!’

Russian history in 5 words:

"And then things got worse."

Did you know, the KKK were actually the first people to celebrate black history month?

If they saw you, and you were black, you were history.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A little boy in a quaint town was said to be the hairiest person in history.

Even in a small community, where everyone was aware of and understood his plight, living a normal life was difficult. Even though everyone was respectful, the sheer volume of hair and speed at which it grew was a constant hardship. It interfered with the boy's eating, he would overheat quickly durin...

A person with a four year degree majoring in history walks into a bar.

They then head behind the counter and start serving drinks.

History is repeating itself again.

England is taking heavy losses, while the French are raising their hands.