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Tetanus isn't actually caused by rusty objects, but by bacteria in dirt, which we often associate with rusty nails and tools that can introduce the bacteria through wounds.

This is why tetanus vaccines are so important. For anti-vaxxers, that truth could be hard to swallow.






Any appreciation for lockjaw puns?

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You can't spell associate...

Without Ass I Ate

Here's so OC.

Knock knock, whos there? Alzheimer's associated, Alzheimer's associated who?

Oh god, we're too late

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What religion is a associated with butt sex?

The Peg-ans!

What 3 rings are associated with marriage?

Engagement, wedding and suffering.

The CEO of Valve walks into a bar with two of his associates...

The bartender asks “What can I get for you?”

The CEO responds “We’ll have one drink and two drinks please.”

The bartender replies “So three drinks?”

“What the hell is three?”

Did you hear about the bank robbers who managed to evade the police but lost one of their associates from the northern UK?

They got away scot-free

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Hitler hires a new cook

Before taking up the job he is told there are 2 main requirements - Making good healthy food for the dictator and never interfering in his policies.

On his first day he finds out about all of Hitler's preferences, likes and dislikes. With all of that in mind he makes everything as expected e...

I always associate my late uncle with the pop rocks

Both exploded in my mouth...

What is most commonly associated with a circus?

Me.

Because I am a clown.

Condom Size

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the clerk to have some condoms. The clerks asks "what size are you?" The man replies "I don't know what size". So the pharmacist says "let me see" He pulls down the man's pants and starts touching it while calling his associate "yo mike, get me a large condom.......

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A man on a business trip in Japan

Goes out to a gentleman's club. He leaves with a dancer from the club and they go to his hotel room. They turn out the lights and things get steamy.

They are in the passion of the moment and he takes her clothes off and she takes his off. Before long he is on too of her.. the hard he goes th...

A sales associate asked me which mattress I would buy

I said I'd sleep on it

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[NSFW] A American businessman takes a trip to Japan

An American businessman travels to Japan for a very important business meeting that will make or break his career. He realizes that sealing the deal for their business will not happen in the board room and so he agrees to join them afterwards for a night out on the town.

After a night of dri...

A little IDAHO HUMOR From John H. Hill

A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,

and finally they got married, and had a little sweet

potato, which they called 'Yam'.

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going...

A Mafia Leader Is Robbed By One of His Foreign Non-English Speaking Associate

The leader figures out who stole the money and hires a translator in order to properly communicate.

Leader: So you're the one who had the guts to steal my money?

Translator (proceeds): He said he didn't do it.

Leader: Tell him to cut the bulls*** and tell me how much he stole....

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What will Trump associates put on their toast this morning ?

Subpoena butter.

Why did Giuliani's business associates get caught at the gate in an airport?

Because they were too Igor to Lev.

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[NSFW] A teacher is showing her class how to associate colors with flavors.

She gives Sally a green Lifesaver. Sally pops into her mouth and says, "it's lime!"

The teacher says, "very good." And hands Timmy a red Lifesaver.

Timmy tastes it and says, "it's strawberry!"

The teacher says,"correct." Next she gives Billy a brown, honey flavored Lifesaver. <...

Boxes of previously uncounted ballots have been found in Florida

Associated Press is now declaring the State of Florida for Al Gore

Three vampires sit in a cave in the black of night, sharing a drink, laughing, and generally having a good time that one would not associate with the undead.

The night grew longer, and an observer, should they be careful enough, would learn that vampires can indeed get drunk.

Eventually, the three begin to bicker about which of them is the most powerful and deadly.

The youngest suddenly gets up, and flies off into the night. Almost instantl...

Rhonda in the pub

Rhonda wandered down to her local public house, for one of their themed dining nights.

Tonight was Chiili, paired with either rum , absinthe or gin. As she entered, she encountered the fragrant aroma of spicy beef and beans, although there was also the faint undernotes of an aroma associated...

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3 Law Students walk into a bar

One of them pass. The other two are their associates.

An Apple Store in Minneapolis reported losing $200,000 in inventory to riot-related theft.

'Thankfully the looters took nothing but two iPhones' the store's associate manager said.

A duck walks into a clothing store in 2020 ...

....and waits two minutes for an associate to help her. No one does and the duck gets progressively more upset. And quacks up a storm.

Another shopper passes by, sees the uncovered bill and mumbles “Karen is mighty fowl.”

A man enters the gates of Heaven...

And sees a wall of large clocks. He goes up to Saint Peter and asks, “Saint Peter, what are these clocks for?”

Saint Peter replies to the man, “These are the Lie Clocks. Every person has one, and every time you told a lie, it ticked once. Here... this is Abe Lincoln’s clock. It ticked four t...

A gentleman walks into a store tells the sales associate “I need an anniversary gift. Do you have any perfume?” Lady shows him a bottle, he asks “how much?” She replies “$50”. He asks for a cheaper bottle. She shows him another bottle. “How much?”, “$20” she replied. He asks again “anything cheaper?

She shows him a mirror.

I decided to go out horse riding one afternoon on a horse I hadn’t rode before....

I wasn’t sure if the horse was ready for a rider just yet, so I slowly approached him, all the while talking gentle to the horse like I have always done when dealing with newer horses. I kept saying “easy boy” and I slowly reached out to pet him. The horse nervously kept its eyes on me, but he final...

The Washington Redskins are changing the team name because of all the negativity, shame, humiliation, dissent, polarity, adversity, defiance, animosity, contempt, discrimination, division, counter-productivity and hostility associated with their name.

....from now on they will be known simply as the Redskins.

Yeah, I make six figures

Never before have I associated with so many Punjabis.

I try not to associate myself with bowlers

They're all a bunch of pinheads

Cows & politics

***SOCIALISM***

You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.

***COMMUNISM***

You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

***FASCISM***

You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

***BUREAUCRATISM***

...

There was a deep sea fisherman

That accidentally caught an eagle porpoise - a rare species of porpoise (though not endangered) that inhabits the waters off Southern Mexico to Peru (ie, the Pacific coast). This species has a down-turned snout ideal for catching bottom-dwelling mollusks (octopi and squid) that inhabit the reefs and...

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Dunno why people like to associate Comcast with the Nazis

It's not like they're the fascist out there.

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Bovine Economics

Basic Economics, brought up to date...



\*\*SOCIALISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



You give one to your neighbor.



The government charges a gift tax.







\*\*COMMUNISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



The...

Sherlock Holmes and his trusty associate Dr. John Watson are strolling leisurely through London's botanical gardens. (OC)

They are investigating the mysterious disappearance of a botanist who specialized in arboreal citrus.

Watson squints, focusing his gaze on something across the gardens. He gasps in surprise and grabs Sherlock's arm. He points at the thing that has captivated his attention and asks "Sherlock, ...

Are you bothered by the fact that the term "dad joke" refers to a certain kind of humor associated with dads, whereas the term "mom joke" refers to jokes that are derogatory towards mothers?

Hi, bothered by the fact that the term "dad joke" refers to a certain kind of humor associated with dads, whereas the term "mom joke" refers to jokes that are derogatory towards mothers, I'm dad.

A man goes to target to buy toilet paper

"$20 bucks?", he vents to the red-shirt sales associate, "That's outrageous! The Wal*Mart across the street sells it for $10 a pack!". "Well, why don't you buy it there?", the associate inquired. "Because they're all out!"

At a Bass Pro Shop

A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a fishing rod for her son's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. An associate is standing there in dark shades. She says "Excuse me, could you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says "...

A police officer was brought to the stand to testify on behalf of his partner who was accused of making a wrongful arrest.

“Your honor,” the cop began “my partner on duty has always been my closest friend and my most trustworthy work associate. I trust this man with my life and I believe that speaks volumes for his character.”

“Objection, your honor!” Said the plaintiff’s lawyer.

“Sustained,” said the judg...

I dumped my girlfriend after she falsely claimed Netflix was the cheapest streaming service.

I refuse to associate with a Hulu-cost denier.

A hitman has a high profile Indian Businessman as a target

He receives intel that the Indian Businessman will have a quick exchange with another associate in a crowded marketplace at 1200 the next day. He is also given a description of the target and warned that the target will only stay for a few minutes at most. That night, the hitman sets up on the rooft...

Due to the rise of suspicious clown activity, Party City has removed all associated costumes from its' shelves...

... Clinton and Trump are furious.

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3 couples die and go to heaven. St Peter is at the gate. He is asking each couple for their names ...

“Bill and Penny” The first couple say.
“I’m sorry but I cannot let anyone in who has a name associated with money” St Peter tells them.
“Jack and Brandy” The second couple say.
“I’m sorry but I cannot let anyone in who has a name associated with alcohol” St Peter tells them.
“Hey Fanny, ...

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It's funny how certain scents can bring back memories of people we associated with those scents

like how I remember my ex every time I take a shit.

Why did the rooster cross the road?

In these troubled times, it can be hard to truly understand anyone’s motivations. True, the grass is always greener on the other side, and one might cross the road in hopes that those pastures truly will be more full of bird seed and such. But in doing so, one risks not only the near certain death...

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Four football hooligans are stranded on a deserted island

After several weeks of surviving on nothing but river water and berries, they decide that one of them must be sacrificed to feed the other three.

“Let’s decide based on the team we support - and *I* support Chelsea” the Chelsea fan proclaims proudly.

The other three look at each other,...

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A pastor is headed to Pittsburgh

A pastor is headed to Pittsburgh for a convention with his associate preacher and they decide to take the train.

At the station, the pastor tells his associate to have a seat while he purchases their tickets.

After standing in line at the ticket counter for an extended period of time...

An old man was explaining to his grandson about major things that happened in his life.

“Now most people associate salsa as a Mexican condiment”, he said. “But actually we loved mayonnaise”. “Wow!”, said the boy. “Most people don’t know that in 1912 after docking in New York, the titanic’s next stop was the eastern shores of Mexico. And below the deck was 15 tons of mayo. As we all kno...

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