A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.

"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted angrily.

"Me!" piped up a voice from the ba...

A teacher asks her student what's 2+2

He counts with his fingers and says "4"

The teacher asks the boy not to count with his fingers and do the mathematics in his head

She again asks the boy "what's 3+3?"

The boy again counts with his fingers and says "6"

The teacher angrily scolds the boy and tells him that ...

My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.

I told them, "Just you wait!"

Frank farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out.

He goes and sits outside the class and can’t stop laughing. The principle walks by and sees him. He asks, “Frank, why are you sitting outside your class laughing?"

“I farted in class and the teacher threw me out.” The principle asks him again, “Well then, why are you laughing?”

“Becaus...

Teacher: So what’s your sentence that contains the word contagious?

Student: our neighbour is painting a wall with 2 inch brush, my dad says it will take this contagious.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the beginning of class, the teacher introduced: "Children, today we welcome our new friend from Japan, his name is Suzuki Shakira."

Let start our lesson today by a few quizzes about American history !

\- Who said "Give me liberty or give me death." ?

The whole class was silent, only Suzuki raised his hand:

\- Patrick Henry, Philadelphia,1775.

\- Excellent ! Next one, who said "...government of the peo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The sex education teacher at my local high school got fired.

He was teaching the students about ejaculation and it went right over their heads.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My teacher asked me to spell the word "clit."

I said, "you should have asked me last night. I had it on the tip of my tongue."

"The word of the day is 'contagious'" Said the teacher, "Who can use it in a sentence?"

Little Jenny stood up and said "My dad has a cold and said its contagious"

The teacher praised Jenny and ask for an example from another student.

Billy stood up and said "Miss, my mum has the flu, and I think its contagious"

Happy with Billy's response, the teacher asked for on...

My math teacher called me average

How mean is that ?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher in 1st grade at school is angry with a student that always swears and pays no attention to the lesson

"what's your problem?" Teacher asks

"Miss, I think I shouldn't be in the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm far smarter than her. I should be at least in the 3rd grade" he replies.

She goes with him to the principal, with whom agree to do some knowledge tests.

-wha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elementary school teacher decided hand out candy and have the students guess what they are...

The teacher explains to the class the game they will be playing; guessing the candy she gives them. The class roars in excitement.


The teacher walks over to a student named Suzie, and hands her a peppermint. The student puts it in her mouth, and without skipping a beat says, "I know thi...

A new teacher trying to get to know his students.

He asked one of them "what do you do after school"
Student 1: I go home, watch TV then go to Frank the weed guy"

Teacher felt awkward and decided to ask another student.
Student 2 "me, I play football then go to Frank the weed guy"

Teacher was really disappointed but didn't want...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was in high school, my dad f*cked my teacher repeatedly for better grades in my math class.

Thank god im homeschooled or that could have been wierd

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My physics teacher asked me how much a church weighs with and without people in it.

I had to consider mass.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The teacher that fell.

A teacher is in her class. As she walks she slips and falls. 3 little boys can't contain themselves and laugh out loud.
Really angry she asks the first one. "What did you see?"
"Just calves ma'am"
"Go home for the day immediatly!"
Pointing at the second, "And you?"
"Just bum ma'am"...

I made this joke up on the way home from work, sorry if it sucks: A history teacher tells a failing student that those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

Student: But history is so boring!

Teacher: Well, if you don't do better you'll be retaking it next year.

Student: What??

Teacher: I TOLD you, those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it!

You guys hear about the insecure cross-eyed teacher??

Apparently he couldn't control his pupils

So a Sunday School teacher asks her class where Jesus is.

Little Susie says, “In Heaven!”

Little Amy says, “In my heart!”

Little Johnny says, “In my bathroom!”

Perplexed, the Sunday School teacher asks little Johnny why Jesus would be in his bathroom.

“I don’t know, I just hear my dad every morning banging on the bathroom door a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher asks her class what their Fathers do for work.

She calls on a little boy.

"My father died ma'am."

The teacher says, "Well what did he do before he died?"

The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "He turned all purple and then shit on the bed."

What do you call an IT teacher who touches his students?

A PDF file.

A teacher asked a student," Tell me the 1st Law of Newton"

"I don't remember the whole line, just the last part"

"Ok tell the last part"

"... and this is called the 1st Law of Newton

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.

In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, “My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to the market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road. The basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke.” The moral of the...

A teacher is talking about video games.

She asks, "does playing video game cause long term affects?"

A student replies "yes".

"How do you know?"

"I have a hunch."

My teacher once asked me a question

Teacher: Do you have a girl friend?

Me: Yeah, but she’s from another nation.

Teacher: Sounds cool! Which nation?

Me: Imagination.

What's the difference between an improv teacher and an improv student?

The improv student might have a promising acting career ahead.

A French teacher is asking her students questions in class

Teacher: hey Bradley, what does “beaucoup” translate to in English? By the way nice shirt.

Bradley: thanks, that means alot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher draws a heart on the board.

A teacher draws a heart on the board.


She then asks the class, "What is this?


To her surprise, nearly every student said some variation of "A butt." One even said "An ass!"


The teacher was not pleased to hear this and called the principal.


The pri...

A young teacher confronts her math class of young kids with a simple question: “Three birds are sitting on a tree when a hunter comes and shoots one down, how many birds are left on the tree?”

“None!” shouts a boy across the classroom.

“Come here” says the teacher while the kid is approaching her through the weird looks of their classmates. The teacher calmly repeats the question again this time holding three fingers up for the sitting birds and removing one for the hunter’s victim...

Teacher: "‌‌Use t‌‌he w‌‌ord '‌‌centimeter' i‌‌n a‌‌ s‌‌entence"

Student: "‌‌My g‌‌randma w‌‌as a‌‌rriving a‌‌t t‌‌he t‌‌rain s‌‌tation s‌‌o i‌‌ w‌‌as c‌‌entimeter."

Teacher: "‌‌No, n‌‌o, t‌‌hat's '‌‌Sent t‌‌o m‌‌eet h‌‌er'. O‌‌kay, t‌‌ry a‌‌nother o‌‌ne. U‌‌se '‌‌contagious' i‌‌n a‌‌ s‌‌entence p‌‌lease."

Student: "‌‌I h‌‌ad t‌‌o w‌‌ait a‌‌t t‌‌he ...

My math teacher told me I would be stuck working at McDonalds for the rest of my life

Jokes on her, I'm lovin' it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Aunt Jill was an English teacher who taught me so many important lessons like....

“Always use very precise language or you could be misunderstood.”

I remember it vividly because we were at their farm and I was helping my uncle Jack off a horse as she was telling me that.

The science teacher is in trouble for slapping his student

The parents phones says "I'm sending two coppers right now to charge you with battery."

He says "You can't charge a battery with two coppers. You need a copper and a zinc."

A teacher asked Sam what the outside of a tree is called.

Sam: I don't know.

Teacher: Bark, Sam! Bark!

Sam: Woof Woof!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My teacher is asexual

Predator.

This is a joke we tell in Armenian, I think it comes out well in English too.

Little Johnny is in school one day when his teacher tells the class that she wants to hear each of them say a little about their families, and specifically what is needed in their lives.

The first student is a little girl, she stands up and says "my family is mostly happy but what we really n...

A teacher asks her students about the thing they fear the most

One girl said spiders
Another student said heights
And then a boy said "Evil A-men"

The teacher confused asks who are they and the student said "I dunno but when I finish praying I ask god to "deliver us from Evil A-men"

Teacher: "I will call your parents!"

Elementary student: "No! I’ll be a good boy!"

Junior High School Student: "Pffff… Anyway…"

High School Student: "Send my mother my greetings!"

A little British boy raises his hand to ask his teacher a question

"Miss, My mother says freedom is the most beautiful thing in the world. What does freedom mean?"

The teacher seeing the importance of this question for the sweet, innocent child, thinks quickly about how best to respond.

She smiles sweetly and says "Why don't you come up and tell the c...

My teachers said I couldn’t do poetry because of my dyslexia..

But so far I’ve made two bowls and a vase.

Happy Teacher's Day

2020 has been the biggest teacher

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me and my wife roleplayed student and teacher.

Wife: "Can I fuck you for some extra credit?"

Me: "What?"

Wife: "Can I fuck you for some extra credit?"

Me: "It's 'May I fuck you for some extra credit.'"

Wife: "May I fuck you for some extra credit?"

Me: "No."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A college professor reminds her class of the next day’s final exam saying, “I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever"

A guy sitting at the back asks, “What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, and says, “Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”

A teacher asked Mary to name 5 animals from Africa.

*"Four elephants and a giraffe."*

NSFW - The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers.

“Yes,” he said. “My father taught me.”

“Good. What comes after three?”

“Four,” answered the boy.

“What comes after six?”

“Seven.”

“Very good,” said the teacher. “Your dad did a good job. And what comes after 10?”

“Jack.”

Why can’t Severus Snape be a herbology teacher?

He can’t keep the lilies alive.

I think my chemistry teacher might be dead

Today there hasn't been even one reaction from him.

During a zoom band class the teacher asked a student to name different notes. As he was reading them he stopped suddenly and said, "I forgot what note this is"

A bandmate put an F in the chat.

A kindergarten teacher was telling her students about different kinds of animals.

"Whales are the largest" she said, "but they can't swallow people, because their throats are too small."
"But in the Bible, it says that Jonah was swallowed by a whale", said a little girl. "You can't always believe what you read", the teacher replied. "Well, when I go to heaven", said the little...

My chemistry teacher asked me what's an acid + base.

A good party wasn't the correct answer, apparently.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnnie's teacher asks him how his weekend was.

"Horrible. A car hit my dog in the ass," he says.
Correcting his language, the teacher says, "Rectum."
"Wrecked him?" Johnnie replies. "Damn near killed him!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An English teacher and a poet walk into a bar...

The English Teacher, " The bar is a metaphor for the poet's alcoholism"

The poet, slamming his 7th drink on the table, "**No it fucking isn't**"

A teacher asked his students a math question.

"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"

After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.

"One dollar!" she said.

The teacher, conflicted on why the girl can't add, expla...

Little Johnny's teacher asks, "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Do any of you know why his father didn't punish him?"

Little Johnny replies, "Because George was the one holding the axe?

A teacher said to her class

A teacher said to her class, "Right, i'm going to hold something under the desk and i want you to guess it. This one is round and red." Little Timmy's hand shot up, but he was ignored. "It's a plum miss," said a girl. "no it's an apple, but i like your thinking. The next one is oval shaped and green...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher is teaching a 5th grade class on Zoom.

The teacher says to Susie, "Tell the class why you want to be a teacher."

Susie says, "Actually, I want to be a stripper."

The teacher asks, "A stripper? I thought you wanted to do my noble profession."

Susie says, "That was before I saw your tiny apartment."


(Origina...

My guitar teacher was a magician turned artist

So he would always start our lessons with, "Pick a chord, any chord"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was three boys called Zip, Dick and Piss They were in class and their teacher went out to make a phone call

Right then Zip jumped on the table,
Dick jumped in the teachers chair,
And Piss was punchin everyone in sight .
3 minutes later the teacher back in and said

Zip down,
Dick out,
and Piss in the corner

I went out with an English teacher once

But she dumped me for improper use of the colon...

A doctor, a teacher and a comedian die in a car accident.

Fortunately, they all got in to heaven and are given an orientation. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and your friends and family are talking about you, what would you like them to say?"

The doctor says "I would like them to say that I was a great doctor and a wonderful family...

I once dated an English teacher

But when she saw my dangling participle, she was afraid I would split her infinitive.

Literature professor: "Why can't Severus Snape be a herbology teacher?"

Student A: "Because he can't keep the Lillies alive."

Student B: "Maybe he didn't put them in the right Potter?"

My teacher asked me if π was a rational number even though she hadn't thought us the concept of rational numbers...

I mean that's just not rational.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is it called when you fuck your teacher to get a better grade?

Hands-on-learning

Teacher to student: I'm sorry Steve but i have to fail you on your french, you are just terrible...

Teacher:what do you have to say for yourself?

Student : Gracias

What did the culinary arts student say when his teacher gave him a piggyback ride?

Weeee Chef!

I'll see myself out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers…

"My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightily over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."

"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class.

She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little...

Teacher: Why are you late?

Student: My dad is in the hospital

*1 week later*

Teacher: Is your dad still in the hospital?

Student: Yes, he is a doctor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A student came late in the class and the teacher wants to know why.

"You know, I woke up as usual, got to my horse and went to school. But I don't know why, my horse suddenly died in the middle of the town square. I had to walk rest of the way and that's why I am late."

Teacher doesn't believe a single word, but there will be enough time to solve this proble...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First Time Teacher

Day 1 of home schooling


0800  opened school website to get assignments.


0900  found where assignments were hidden on the website.


0915  called school to have the website explained.


0930  called school again.


0945  Had wife call school ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jimmy brought his kitten to school, he told his teacher his father was going to kill it

"I overheard Dad telling Mum that he would eat that pussy after I leave for school"

\-from a colleague

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A student was leaving the room, the teacher asked: "Arthur, where are you going so circumspect?"

He replied: "I was going to shit, but now I'm going to look for a dictionary".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day little Billy's teacher told him to ask his parents what the government is

\--Dad, can you tell me about the government

\--Well, think of it like this, I'm the president, your mom is congress, the maid is the working force, you are the people and.... your little brother is the future.

\--I don't get it

Dad sent Billy to sleep telling him that he'll kno...

My math teacher said she only teaches subtraction... because she wants to make a difference.

I failed math.

In school the teacher asks Joshua what he did during the break.

Joshua answers "I was playing with Thomas in the sand box". The teacher replies "Then come to the front, write sand on the blackboard and if you write it correctly you can go home."
After that the teacher asks Thomas what he did during the break and Thomas replies "I was in the sand box playing ...

The class was learning about subtraction and the teacher calls on little Johnnie to solve a problem.

“Johnnie, suppose there are five birds sitting on a fence together and you throw a rock at one of them. How many are left?”

Johnnie ponders the question for a moment and finally replies enthusiastically: “Zero!”

The teacher frowns. “How did you arrive at that answer?” She asks.
...

One day a teacher says...

One day a teacher says "whoever answers my next question can go home."

So little Timmy throws his school bag out the window.

"Who threw that?" the teacher asks.

"Me. Can I go home now?"

One day the teacher is asking students the sounds animals make

The teacher asks "what sound does chicken make.
Little Suzy says "cluck cluck cluck".
Teacher replies" good job now what sound does a cow make"
Little Johnny says "The sound a cow makes is 'Dont forget your homework for tomorrow'".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher asked his class of second grade students, “What do you know about Viagra?”

“Sir,” Little Johnny replied, “it is used for Diarrhea.”

The teacher was surprised. “Whatever gave you this idea?” he asked, “Who told you this?”

”Nobody,” Johnny replied, “but I hear my mother telling my father everyday at night – ‘Take a Viagra, may be that little shit of yours wil...

Marsha the Math teacher was.....

..giving a lesson on subtraction. She calls on Johnny the juvenile in the back of the room for an answer:

"Johnny, let's say there are 5 birds on a wire and you shoot 1 of them with your BB gun, how many birds are left?"

Johnny replies "0"

Confused, she asks for an explanation ...

What do the Backstreet Boys and Algebra teachers have in common?

They both want you to tell them Y.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her 3rd grade class.

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Princip...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Teacher asks: What is faster?

Teacher: What is faster? The speed of lightning? Or the speed of light?

Johnny! Do you know the answer?

Johnny: Diarrhea, ma'am!

Teacher: What? What are you talking about?

Johnny: Diarrhea is faster, ma'am.

Teacher: And why do you say such nonsense?

Johnny: ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The teacher is going over the vocabulary words for this week

The teacher is going over vocab words in class. She asks if anyone can use urinate in a sentence.

Little Timmy raises his hand and she calls on him.

>”Tommy says urinate but I fold him that’s asinine”

Once upon a time there was a teacher in a small village

This teacher is known to have screwed many girls in the village. After a few months, he decides to move out from the village. Before he leaves, a villager asks him the secret of how he has slept with this many girls. He answers "Silently enter the room, walk near her and blow in her neck".
The v...

What does a teacher with a surfboard do at the beach?

He prepares for the second wave.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What can you say as a teacher but also during sex?

I better wrap it up else you’ll miss your next period.

“If you had a quarter," quizzed the teacher," and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"

“One quarter." answered little Johnny.

“You don't know your arithmetic!" snapped the teacher shaking her head.

Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my dad!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Before the Mother's day, the teacher gives her class an assignment to write an essay about their mothers.

"Mothers are really important in our lives," she says, "so I want you to write an essay titled "I've only got one mom".

The next day the teacher asks the kids to read their essay aloud. Little Samuel goes first:

"My mom works two jobs to take care of my sister and me, and she gets real...

In school, I was told "JACKET. OFF. NOW." by a teacher

I don't understand why she got so mad when I took my pants off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher was doing role call in class and had called Timmy's name

A boy raises his hand and says: "Timmy is not going to be at school for a while. His brother told me he was using the air compressor on his asshole and is now in the hospital."

The teacher corrected the boy: "don't you mean rectum?"

The boy: "Wrecked him? His brother said it damn near ...

My teacher asked me, "What is the meaning of Apocalypse"..

I didn't know what it meant, and she got really angry. I mean come one, it's not like it's the end of the world.

What happens to teachers who are bad at their subjects?

They are sent back to school

(Translated from polish) During a math class, teacher was asking first graders how many watermelons could they lift if one of them weighted about 3kg

Teacher: How many watermelons could you lift Sarah?

-I can lift one watermelon in my hands.

Teacher: Very good. What about you Tom?

-I could lift two watermelons! First one in my left hand and second one in my right hand.

Teacher: Great! And you Jonathan?

-I could ...

My son's music teacher called me "your son is just like Elvis!"

"Is he an equally talented singer?" I asked.

"No", she replied. "We found him dead on a toilet."

"What is a cannibal, Johnny?" asked the teacher.

"What is a cannibal, Johnny?" asked the teacher.

"I don't know, sir," replied Johnny.

"Well, what would you be if you ate your mother and father?"

"An orphan, sir."

A teacher was trying to find out where each of the kids thought they were at in their learning.

The teacher was standing at the front of the class and said “stand up if you think you are stupid.” There was a long gap and then Johnny stood up. The teacher the. asked “why do you feel stupid Johnny?” Johnny then replied “ I don’t I just felt bad that you were the only one standing up.”

Since y'all liked the monk joke, I modified a joke told by my high school math teacher.

Once there was a king and he attended that monk's temple. One day the monk was late. The king asked him why he was late. And he replied that he had to help his wife with an errand.

"You are so revered monk and yet, you fear your wife!", the king exclaimed.
" Well, everyone fears his wife",...

What did the student say to the demolition school teacher?

I didn't expect this to blow up.

Teacher to a grade 2 student : Who is the youngest member in your family ? STUDENT : Papa

Teacher : How ?

Student : Because he still sleeps with mummy.

My teacher got arrested while teaching us about Ancient Rome. The police insisted he was lying to them...

But he’s sticking to history.

Teacher: Mark, tell me the chemical formula of water

Mark: It's H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O

Teacher: That's not correct. How did you think of that?

Mark: You said it was H to O.

A teacher asks her students...

-What is dissapointment?

George says:
-Dissapointment is when I see a beautiful girl walking in front of me on the street but then she takes a bus and leaves.

-Good, says the teacher, anyone else?

Michael says:
-Dissapointment is when I see a beautiful boy walking in front...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just found out my teenage son had sex with his teacher, and I am furious.

I should have never agreed to home schooling.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher is talking to her kids about covid 19.

She asks them if anyone can explain what germs are? Little Susie speaks up and says they're like little bugs that you can catch from other people that can make you sick.


The teacher says, that's perfect. Now can anyone tell me why we should wash our hands? Little Timmy excitedly raises...

I just heard that Snoop Dogg will be playing the teacher in the upcoming Magic School Bus movie.

F'rizzle!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of Engineering students and their teacher were given free airplane tickets to go on a holiday

Once on the plane the Captain
announced that they were on the plane the
students had built. Everyone freaked out and
rushed out of the plane, except for the teacher
who stayed there with calm. When the flight
attendant asked why he hadn't left he
responded "I know the abilities of ...

The biology teacher told us our skin is the biggest organ...

Here i was thinking it was the one they play in the church down the road!

I decided to become a school teacher after moving to Germany.

Kids there are kinder.

The teacher asks a student

Talking about the American dream a teacher turns to the German exchange student and asks if Germany has a dream.

The student says there was a German dream but the world didn't like it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The science teacher asked Johnny, "What is your favorite planet, Johnny?"

"Hmm..." Johnny thought, as the classmates started to laugh.

"Please don't say it," the teacher sighed.

"I was gonna say Mars," said Johnny "but Uranus looks good too!"

My teacher told us not to use the elevator in case of a fire.

"Of course," I replied, rolling my eyes. "We'll use the fire extinguisher."

Why did the strict grammar teachers break up?

He forgot to use a colon, she missed a period, they both hated contractions, and when they think of their future life, it's only a parent they see.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’m a special education teacher. We do a joke of the day. A student made this up and told the class: What did the 2 say to the 4?

You’re a cunt.

Still cracks me up whenever I think about riz

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My teacher asked me what's the meaning of the word "mother".

(This joke is originally in my native language; Thai.
Let's see how well this jokes holds up after translation)

She asked me what is the meaning of "mother"?

But I couldn't answer her, so she told me to ask my dad.

So later that evening I asked my dad, "dad, my teacher told m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Like father like son...

A young boy says to his father "Dad, our math teacher is asking to see you."

"What happened?" The father asks.

"Well, she asks me, 'how much is 7x9?' I answer '63' , then she asks, 'and 9x7?' so I asked 'what's the fucking difference?' "

"What is the difference?" asks the father...

A kindergarten teacher tells her students that sharing is caring.

A kindergarten teacher tells her students that sharing is caring. She says she wants them all to show that they care by sharing something.

The Russian kid gives everyone a shot of vodka.

The Colombian kid hands out cocaine.

The American kid runs towards the window and attempts...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?" "I just saw one of your garters!" he replied. "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for two days!"

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realising she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the v...

Little Johnny's mother receives a note from his teacher

"johhny is a very clever boy, but he spends too much time thinking about girls and it distracts him from matters that are really important"

The mother replies: "please inform me right away if you ever find a solution. His dad is having the same problem"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny's teacher held a contest one Friday in school.

"Class, I'm going to give you a famous quotation, and if you can tell me who said it, I'll give you the day off on Monday.

"The first one is, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.' Who said that one?"

Little Johnny's hand shoots up immediately...

Teacher and Student..

**Teacher:** Didn't I tell you to stand at the end of the line?

**Student:** I tried but there was someone already there!

A chemistry teacher gives his class a question

Teacher “there are two liquids water and butane can someone please give me a quantity for them”
Student at the front “a ton”
Teacher “ok then what is the heavier the ton of water or the ton of butane”
The teacher asked each student the same question and each of them answered that they wer...

The class is learning about the holocaust, when the teacher asks if anyone's grandparents died in the deathcamps. Little Billy puts his hand up.

"Oh... Class, let us hold a minute of silence for him. If it is not too indiscreet, how did he die?"

"Fell off a watchtower."

A child asks his teacher, " Ma'am may I go to the washroom?"

The teacher replies , " You can only go after you have told me all the alphabets"
Child : ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ
Teacher : Where is the 'p' ?
Child : It is going to come out soon

Teacher: why are you late?

Student: there was a man who lost a hundred dollar Bill.
Teacher: that's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: no. I was standing on it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny gets under the teachers skirt.

So Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says "teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "okay, meet ...

Student: Can I borrow a pencil?

**Teacher:** I don't know, can you borrow a pencil?

**Student:** Aha, but I clearly meant to ask for permission. Since you and the rest of the class understood my intent perfectly well, and the word "may" to show permission is rapidly falling out of fashion, there is nothing wrong with asking...

The Teachers New Name

Ms.Johnson has been teaching high school for years. She always showed up early and always left late. Before the start of the next semester, all the new students in Ms.Johnsons class found out that she will now be known as Ms.Simmons.

On the first day of class all the students started to congr...

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.

The teacher said, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answered, "We found a $10 note and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "when I was you age I didn't even know what a lie was. "
The boys gave the $10 to the tea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is Democracy? A boy is asked at school as homework.

So the little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is democracy?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalist. Your Mom spends the money, so we'll call her the Government. Nanny is working at home for money, she's the w...

What did the biology teacher tell the frog?

Looks aren't everything, it's what inside you that really matters.

My chemistry teacher wrote me a heartfelt chemistry poem:

Fluorine, Uranium, Carbon, Potassium, Yttrium, Oxygen, Uranium.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Teacher: Name a native animal

Student: Racoon

Teacher: Excellent! Can you name another?

Student: Its mom

My teacher said I could be a doctor when I grew up!

She still wants me to improve my handwriting though

I just hope my kids get a teacher that can teach them the difference between:

\*They're, their, and there.

\*You're and your.

\*You and Yu.

Just been sacked from my dream job as a maths teacher. Been there since 2010

What a waste of 15 years!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oh, April!

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Contagious

Little Johnnie was going back to school after the covid lockdown. First day of school, teacher wanted to talk about how contagious Covid-19 is so she wanted to do a class participation with her students and they had to come up with an example of the word "contagious".

"Class, can anyone here ...

Teachers from other countries make fun of the US education system

Sure, we don’t teach evolution everywhere, but I don’t see your countries volunteering to demonstrate natural selection in schools across the country.

Why did Jeffrey Epstein's English teacher fail him?

Because he never finished his sentences...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Little Johnny raised his hand. The
teacher hesitated because she had
been burned by Johnny before. She
finally decided there was no way he
could damage the word 'fascinate', so
she called on him. Johnny said, "My
Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten
buttons, but her boobs are so big...

My teacher said “we have the ability to clone we just don’t know what kind of rights they should have.”

I simply replied “copyright”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher took all her kids on an overnight camping field trip...

In the middle of the night, little Johnny comes into her tent and asks “teacher, can I sleep with you? I’m scared... and at home my mother lets me sleep in her bed every night”

Thinking it wouldn’t hurt, the teacher said “sure”

“Teacher” said little Johnny “when I sleep with my mother ...

Maths teacher: What is line?

A genius answered : A line is a dot, going for a walk....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young boy was walking to school when he saw a dead dog in the street. When he got to school he told his teacher what he saw. “How do you know if the dog was really dead?” She asked the boy. “Because I pissed in his ear.” The teacher looked horrified. “What do you mean you pissed in his ear??”

“I went up to him and said ‘Pssstt!’ in his ear but he didn’t move.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". T...

My PE teacher tried to make me exercise...

I told her you can’t make me do squat.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.