Johnny was in class when his teacher asks

Johnny was in class when his teacher asks:

-Johnny, there are five birds on a tree. You shoot one, how many are left.

-None, miss. The others will fly away!

-The right answer is four, but i like the way you think.

Johnny goes quiet, and then raises his hand.

-Yes?<...

A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.

"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted angrily.

"Me!" piped up a voice from the ba...

A math teacher welcomed a new French exchange student into her class and then started teaching a lesson on fractions.

The French exchange student raised his hand and said, "Excuse me Madam, but I don't know how to say fractions. How do you say those?"

"Easy," said the teacher, "you just say the top number and then the bottom number is read as an ordinal number. For example, 2/3 is 'two-thirds', 3/4 is 'three...

Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.

They're definitely plotting something.

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An art teacher, a math teacher, and a science teacher are all arguing over which one of them is the smartest.

The art teacher shows the others a giant clay sculpture of a dog he made. “This thing took me nearly a month to make.” He said. “Clearly this proves that I’m the smartest.”

The math teacher just laughs at him. “That’s nothing” she says. She then pulls out a huge 1’000 question math test which...

A dad joke my science teacher told me a long time ago:

Why are bacteria so bad at math?

Because they multiply by dividing.

RIP Miss Henn. Miss her lots.

Every day, my teacher starts her class by reading a joke from r/Jokes, but today she is absent.

So a subreddit

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The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to...

A college student wanted to sit next to one of his teachers at lunch.

However, the teacher looked at the student with an arrogant face and said:

‘A swan shan’t be friends with a pig.’

‘Then I shall fly on,’ answered the student with a smile.

The teacher was clearly vexed by the cheeky reply and decided to make sure to do everything in his power to...

"The person who answers this last question gets to leave early" said the teacher

"Now what is the sum of three and two, multiplied by the square root of 6 " the teacher asked.

The class began scribbling furiously. All except for Bobby. Bobby raised his hand and the teacher called on him.

"5" answered Bobby confidently. He began to pack up his things and walk to th...

Teacher asked: Which part of the body goes to heaven first?

A Kid replied : The legs...because every night I see my mum's legs up high and screaming

"OH GOD! I'M COMING".

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A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3....

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

*Principal:* What is 3+3?

*Boy:* 6.

*Pri...

Teacher & Student Joke

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you d...

When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a school teacher.

The judge rose from the bench.
“Madam, I have waited years for a school teacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight.
“Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times!"

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A teacher asked a first grader, why he brought a cat to school?!

He said:”It’s my moms cat, I saved it’s life!”

“How is that?”asked the teacher

“I overheard daddy tell mommy he’s going to eat her pussy after me and my sister leave for school!”

My teacher used to tell me that I would never amount to anything by looking out of the window all day

Man did I feel smug as I passed him his burger and fries at the drive-through last night

Someone keyed the music teacher's car

Fortunately, the damage seems to B Minor.

Little Jimmy puts his hand up in class: "Miss! Miss! I have to go to the toilet, quick!" The teacher replies: "Not until you say the alphabet."

So Little Jimmy recites: "ABCDEFGJKLMNOPQRUVWXYZ"

The teacher raises an eyebrow. "Excuse me," she says, "but where's the S, H, I and T?"

Little Jimmy just sighs. "...In my pants..."

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail,

but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

Teacher: ”what is 4+2?”

Johnny: ”3!”

Teacher: ”Yes, you are right.”

I asked my chem teacher wether he knew the formula for nitrous oxide

Unfortunately he said no

EDIT:

for the people complaining about how i messed up the formula name, its a joke, it doesnt matter

A young boy is asked by his teacher what his parents do for a living

“Well my mother is a psychologist and my dad plays the piano in a brothel” the boy replies

The teacher, shocked by the father’s profession
calls the parents to ask them about the young boy’s comment.

When the parents arrive, the father apologised to the teacher saying “I’m sorry I...

A sixth grade teacher asks her class how many were Trump fans.

A sixth grade teacher asks her class how many were Trump fans.

Despite them not knowing what a Trump fan was but wanting to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands. Well, all except for little Timmy.

The teacher looks over to little Timmy and asks, “Timmy, why are you bein...

*Teacher to Student* T: "Use the word 'centimeter' in a sentence"

S: ‟My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter”

T: ‟No, no, that‘s ‘Sent to meet her‘. Okay, try another one. Use ‘contagious‘ in a sentence please”

S: ‟I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!”

I've been learning to use a new web browser lately, but my teacher is being really harsh to me.

He's my Tor-mentor.

My sons teacher got fired for being cross eyed

She couldn't control her pupils.

In class, a teacher asked her students what was something good that they did today

The first kid says "I gave money to a homeless man"

The second kid says "I helped my mom with the chores"

The third kid says "I helped an old lady cross the street"

The teacher was very impressed and had high hopes for the fourth kid

The fourth kid then says "I prevented ...

My Spanish teacher's husband died last week

I approached her in class and said "Mucho"

"Thanks," she said, "that means a lot."

"Tanto."

"Oh my," she replied. "Thank you, that means so much."

"El mundo."

"Thank you so much," she said, "what you've said means the world."

Why did the guitar teacher get fired?

Because he fingered A minor

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1st grade teacher asked the students: What is the fastest thing in the world? Tony replied: lightning. Melanie said: light Jimmy said:

Diahrrea.
The teacher asked Jimmy why He tought diahrrea was the fastest thing in the world?
Jimmy said:
Last night while sleeping I felt the urge to go to the bathroom, I got up as fast as a lightning went to turn the light on and before the light was on I had already shit myself.

Finally losing his cool, the teacher asked the student, “Are you ignorant or just apathetic?”

The student replied, “I don’t know and I don’t care.”

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A kindergarten teacher is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely".

To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said, "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's grey and cloudy". Another student says, "Gras...

Why did the Calculus Teacher take the student's calculator away?

He was viewing graphic material

Geometry teachers are oddly obsessed with communism

they are always talking about marks and angles

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A High School English Teacher reminds her class of the next day's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.

One smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Aw, that's so sad. Guess yo...

Teacher: Make a sentence with the word, dandelion.

Jamaican Student: de Cheetah is faster dandelion

Frank farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out.

He goes and sits outside the class and can’t stop laughing. The principle walks by and sees him. He asks, “Frank, why are you sitting outside your class laughing?"

“I farted in class and the teacher threw me out.” The principle asks him again, “Well then, why are you laughing?”

“Becaus...

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What do you call shitty teachers?

Fecalty.

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When I was in Preschool, my teacher told my mother that she thought I might be autistic and needed to be enrolled in a special class.

My mother only shrugged and said "I think he draws like shit, but if you want to put him in art class go for it."

I’m pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers

They only care about the dead

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One day a teacher asked the class to get a story with a moral

The next day she asks a girl what her moral was

The girl says "Every year we get our chickens and take their eggs to the market to sell them. We were going down yesterday and my dad hit a pothole and all the eggs cracked in the basket"

The teacher asked "So what's the moral?"

...

As a practical joke I arranged a bucket of liquid nitrogen so that it fell on our chemistry teacher when he opened the door.

He must have found it funny. He completely cracked up!

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A science teacher asks her class of sixth graders, “students, what is a part of the body that when stimulated can grow ten times its size?”

Tattletale Susan gets angry in the back and yells, “teacher, that’s a dirty question! You can’t be asking questions like that! I’m gonna have my parents tell the principal and we’re gonna get you fired!”

The teacher ignores her and repeats the question, “alright class, what is a part of the b...

The teacher asks, what comes after 69?

I said mouthwash

How do you console an English teacher?

There, they're, their.

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When the new school year started, the history teacher was very excited because there were three Native American boys in her class.

She was beside herself with excitement. She asked the first boy to stand up and tell the class what tribe he is from and how he knows this.

The little boy stands up and proudly throws out his chest. He takes his fist and hits his chest, and says in a booming voice "I am a Cherokee. My father ...

I had a teacher in high school, Ms Turtle.

She tortoise well.

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Student and teacher

[b]One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class.
He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?" o
After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.
a "Well, hello there sir. So you actually th...

What did the suicide bomb teacher say to the class?

"Now pay attention, im only going to demonstrate this once."

Teacher asks students for their favourite stand up comedians

Students start naming their favourite comedians.

Then one kid says : Joe Biden.

Another kid follows with : Donald Trump.

Political debate starts. When the teacher finaly quiets down the class there is only the person who didn't say who their favourite is, is the quiet kid.
...

True story. Chicago-area preschool teacher teaching remotely today because of the storms. Her dogs started barking like crazy, interrupting the Zoom. She looked out her window and told/apologized to the class that the shovelers were there. 4 year old classmate replies,

“Wow, your shovelers sound like dogs!”

Been laughing at that one all day.

Two boys are arguing when the teacher enters the classroom. The teacher says, “What are you two arguing about?”

One boy answers, “We found a ten-dollar bill and decided whoever tells the biggest lie gets to keep it.”
“You two should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher. “When I was your age, I didn’t even know what a lie was.” The boys looked at each other and handed the ten dollars to the teacher.

I don't mind my geometry teacher asking me to draw a circle. But to then ask me to turn that circle into two equal parts?

That's where I draw the line.

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A young boy says to his father "Dad, our maths teacher is asking to see you."

"What happened?" The father asks.

"Well, she asked me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answered '63' , then she asked, 'and 9 * 7?' So I asked 'what's the fucking difference?'

"Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.''

The next day, the boy comes home from sch...

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A science teacher tells his class...

"Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1774." A blonde student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1774! Otherwise I would have died without it."

Four teachers are talking in the staffroom

The English teacher said: "I had a particularly dim pupil today ask me what came after 'F', I made sure be kind when I told him it was 'G'"
The music teacher replied with "I think I taught the same boy, he must've been confused when I told him that naturally F sharp came after F."
The computer...

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I took this art class and the teacher said, “draw anything.”

So, of course, your boy likes wordplay, so I decided to draw water.

I call the teacher over to look at my artwork that I finished and she said, “You didn’t draw anything.”

I said “Yes I did.”

She said, “No you didn’t.”

I said “Um... last time I checked, water was clear, s...

A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is. A boy at the back puts up his hand and says "G". The teacher says,

"Why is that Angus?"

On the way to a teacher convention the pilot makes an announcement, before taking off I should tell you that the plane has been made by your students

All the teachers throw themselves out the door as quick as possible except one, the pilot puzzled comes closer and asks him:

- do you trust that much your students?

- Of course, the teacher answers with a peaceful voice, I'm pretty sure the plane won't even start.

My school was tough. My teacher asked a kid what comes after a sentence?

The kid said an appeal.

Maths teacher - Johnny, what's 2+2?

*Johnny counts on his fingers....*

Johnny - FOUR, miss?
Math teacher - yeah, that's right. But you are counting on your fingers...
Put your hands behind your back and tell me what's 3+3?

*Johnny fumbles around..*

Johnny - SIX, miss?
Math teacher - yes, that's right..but...

Teacher: "Billy, can you give me a sentence with the word contagious in it?"

Billy: "Trump should have responded to the COVID-19 outbreak quickly and decisively but it took the contagious"

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A third-grade science teacher asks her students, "If you could have one substance in the world, what would it be?"

"I would have gold," says Harold. "Why?" asks the teacher. "Well," says Harold, "I could sell the gold and make a lot of money."

"I would have platinum," says Susie. "Why?" asks the teacher. "Well," says Susie, "I could sell the platinum and make even more money than Harold."

"I would ...

Why did the police catch the murder of the geometry teacher?

They investigated it from all angles

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A school teacher, a police officer, and a hedge fund founder are trapped on a deserted island.

After scavenging for days with little success, they come across a magical lamp. The officer decides to give it a quick rub and out pops a genie.

"Hello, I am here to grant each of you an imperishable supply of food and water as you await your rescue. Be warned, it can only be consumed only ...

Seven year old Lebron was in English class, when his teacher asked him to use dictate in a sentence. So he says...

"Lass night I heard Daddy askin' Momma, 'how do my dictate?'"

A teacher asks her class: "How long can a human being survive without sleeping?"

Mary on the first row responds: "24h".

Peter on the second row responds: "48h".

Then the teacher sees John, daydreaming as usual, and asks him: "What do you think John?"

John goes, "I think... 3 weeks minus 15 minutes."

"Come on John", the teacher says, "Why it doesn't s...

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A music teacher walks into a bar

As he is very upset he sees only one person sitting at the bar, who is actually a student of his.

He asks angry: "Are you the little shit who keyed music notes on my car?!"

The student says: "Yes, but why are you so mad? The damage appears to B minor."

Teacher: Why are you laughing alone? Tell the Joke to the class so everyone can laugh.

Student : Sir, he said that you're a good teacher.

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A young lady teacher draws a heart on the board

Teacher: "Tell me students, what have I drawn"

Students: "It looks like a Pussy"

Teacher (furiously) : "you don't have any manners. I am going to complain to principal"

She angrily walks out and calls principal into the class.

Principal looks at the board, and looks over ...

Back when I was in elementary school one of my teachers would have a letter of the day and then pick one of the students to say something about the letter of the day.

One day I got picked and the letter of that day was N so I got asked, "Jeff, why don't you use the letter of the day, N, and tell us something that you're not very good at that starts with the letter N." I stood up next to my desk and said... Spelling

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The son of a bitch

Henry was doing maths homework, saying to himself...

"2+5, the son of a bitch is 7"

"3+6, the son of a bitch is 9"

His mother heard this & asked, " Henry ! What is this nonsense you are doing?"

"Oh Mom. Don't disturb. I am doing my maths homework"

Mom: "Is t...

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The teacher asks all students of her class to learn 4 clauses before the next class next day.

Amit goes to his busy dad and says

Amit : Daddy Daddy. Can you please tell me a clause?

Dad : Shut up

Amit : Thank you Daddy

Next, Amit goes to his mom who is busy cleaning trash.

Amit : Mommy Mommy, Can you please tell me a clause?

Mom : Trash

Am...

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A freshman is talking to the new girl in school. “You’ll like it here,” he tells her. “Everyone is pretty chill, the teachers are all nice, but the principal is kind of a moron.”

“Do you know who I am?” the girl asks her new classmate. “I’m the daughter of the principal.”
The boy is silent and then asks her, “Do you know who I am?”
She shakes her head no. “Good,” says the boy as he walks away.

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Teacher: Your son is just like Elvis

Parents: Oh really? How?

Teacher: We found him dead on the crapper.

Johnny turns up into his class one morning to be confronted by his teacher.

Teacher: "Johnny, why weren't you at school yesterday?"
Johnny: "Well Miss, my grandad got burnt."
Teacher: "Oh, he wasnt burnt too badly I hope?"
Johnny: "Oh yes, Miss. They dont mess around at these crematoriums."

What is the trigonometry teacher’s favorite food?

COS Law!

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The third grade teacher was teaching English and repeated for her class...

"Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow/And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go." She explained that this was an example of poetry, but could be changed to prose by changing the last line from "the lamb was sure to go" to "the lamb went with her."

A few days lat...

Mr. Johnson was playing in his frontyard with his fav grandson Toby when he saw Toby's teacher approaching

Mr. Johnson : "Toby go hide now, boy. It's your teacher. Aren't you skipping school?"

Toby : "Oh no! You go hide grandpa! Quick! Now!"

Mr. Johnson "Why should I? You're the one skipping school here!"

Toby : "That's the problem, grandpa. I told Mr. Anderson you died this morning....

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.

In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, “My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to the market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road. The basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke.” The moral of the...

The teacher said “Little Timmy, do you believe that you have a fairy godmother?”

Little Timmy said “I’m not sure, but I’ve got an uncle we keep an eye on.”

Teacher: Your son was caught drinking a beer.

Me: Did he say where he got it?

Teacher: Yes, his best friend.

Me: [tearing up] He really said that?

My Spanish teacher asked me to turn in my essay

But I ain't no snitch

A teacher asks her students to use the word dandelion on a sentence

A boy raises his hand and says, the cheetah is faster dandelion.

A father meets his son’s teacher.

« Sir, I’m afraid your son is a cheater », says the teacher.

« What? No ! What makes you say that? » responds the father

« Well, in the last math test, he had the same answers as his neighbour. »

« Yeah, that’s a math test, duh. There’s only one good answer, right? »

« In...

Teacher: What's 4 + 5?

Marcus: I don't know

Teacher: You should focus on your studies

Marcus: Who's John?

Teacher: Who is John?

Marcus: You should focus on your wife

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A student says to the teacher, "you only teach useless crap"

to which the teacher replies, "hey there no need to be so hard on yourself"

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The Grade 2 pupils returned to class after the long weekend. Their teacher told them to tell their classmates about the most exciting thing they did during the weekend, but to use adult words in telling their stories.

First Pupil: "I visited my Nana." Teacher: "Please use adult words, you visited your Grandmother."

Second Pupil: I had a ride on a choo-choo." Teacher: "Please, you had a ride on a train."

Third Pupil: I read a whole book by myself for the first time." Teacher: "Excellent. And what was...

What did the teacher call the Asian Kid who was known for his precision in math?

Exact Lee.

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A teacher asked her third grade class to name things that ended with “tor” that eat other things.

The first little boy said, "Alligator."
"Very good James, that's a big word." The second boy said, "Predator." “Yes, that's another big word Alan. Very well done." Little Johnny says, "Vibrator." After nearly falling off her chair, the teacher says,"That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn't eat a...

Why did the grammar teacher go to jail for so long?

He had a run-on sentence.

I walked into my teachers doing the deed

Goddamn homeschooling

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The teacher decided to see how many of the city kids knew what sounds farm animals made.

She asked the kids to put their hands up if they knew the correct sound. “Who knows what sound a cow makes?” she asked.

Cindy put her hand up and said “Moooo!”

“Very good” replied the teacher,”what sound does sheep make?”

“Baaaa” answered Jimmy.

She continued this for...

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My teacher asked me what steps to take in the event of a fire drill

Apparently “fuckin’ large ones” was not the correct answer

The teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.

Little Johnny got up to read his.

It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week."

"Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"

"He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."

A hot teacher walked into a class of 20 boys

All 40 of them stood up

A student asked his teacher if it was dangerous to mix oxygen and potassium...

The teacher said it was OK.

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A math professor, Dave, has a problem with his sink so he calls a plumber.

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.

The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumbe...

The chemistry teacher was asked what their favorite element was.

They answered "The element of surprise!"

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The teacher asked the hottest girl in my math class to divide 13,939,393,938 by 2.

The student got to work, and as she did, her breathing became deeper and more rapid. A pink blush appeared on her cheeks and she clutched the pencil more tightly as she wrote. The class was stunned as we watched her begin to writhe in her seat. Soon she began to moan and mutter, "oh, my God!" Still,...

I don't like teachers who make me calculate with humans.

They commit math genocide on a daily basis.

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A Teacher is talking to her class about Prostitutions rights in Nevada

She explains that Nevada has several brothels that have been in operation since the frontier days, and so legislature has been written to allow them to practice prostitution.

She then goes on to explain that, with the exception of Las Vegas, Nevada is mainly comprised of silver mining towns, ...

What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?

A PDF File.

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A teacher has students introduce themselves on the first day of school.

Teacher: Good morning, class. I’ll call on you, one by one, and you can tell us your name and maybe what your dad or your mom does for a living. You, please, over at this end.

Small Boy: My name is Emmett and my dad is a mechanic.

Teacher: A mechanic! Thank you, Emmett. Next?

S...

I think my math teacher is a communist

Because she keeps talking about Engels

Just wondering, do you think it's alright for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are in school ?

Or am I just a terrible Teacher ?

I was looking forward to showing my teacher my reddit post, but she got sick.

So, the subreddit

My teacher asked what 117 + 3 was...

“5!” I answered excitedly.

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In a sex-ed class, the teacher asked me,"What was missing in your first sexual experience?"

Apparently, my answer "Consent" was wrong.

What does r/NSFW and School teachers have in common?

They both always ask for sources.

A joke my chem teacher told my class which his 6 year old son came up with

What do only T-Rexes have?
.
.
.
.
.
.
T-Rex babies

A teacher asks her students to use the word harassment in a sentence

One of the student raises his hand and says: “My big brother is really depressed nowadays”

The teacher asks: “why”?

The kid goes: “he broke up with his girlfriend”

So the teacher asks the student “and how is this relevant?”

He says: Harassment a lot to him

Silent H

One day, I asked my English Teacher, "Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H ...in Hour, Honour. ...etc. ...??????
My English Teacher said, " We are not ignoring them; they're considered silent "....... (I was even more confused .....?????)
During the lunch break, my ...

Teacher:"What have you learnt in quarantine"

Me: if a ball is too big for your mouth it’s not yours

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A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"That's easy, I want to be an asshole!" yells Little Johnny.

The Teacher is shocked with Little Johnny's response and wants to send him to detention, but out of curiosity she let's him continue hoping for an explanation.

Little Johnny continues: -Well, when I'm out on the street with ...

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now, what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

A teacher asks her student a math problem

"Ok, if Bob has three quarters, two dimes, and one nickel, how much does he have?"

The student thought for a moment then said, "Not enough. He's broke."

Two students, James and John were given a grammar test by their teacher. The question was,"is it better to use 'had' or 'had had' in this example sentence?"

The teacher collected the tests and looked over their answers.

James, while John had had 'had',had had 'had had'. 'Had had' had had a better effect on the teacher.

My science teacher use to always tell me...

You matter.

I dated a teacher once

At first there was chemistry between us.

When we broke up it was history between us.

Now that she's moved away there is geography between us.

My teacher told me I was the worst student ever

I said thanks mom

A teacher goes for a long walk on the beach. She finds a shiny magic lamb, picks it up, and rubs it.

There is a puff of blue smoke and a genie pops out. “You have three wishes. I can give you anything in the world. If I fail, I must become your personal genie for eternity.”

The teacher thinks for a moment and says, “For my first wish, I want jewels. Silver, gold, platinum, whatever you have....

A teacher asks her students,"Can anybody spell before?"

Carey stands up and says, "Before. B -e- f -o- r.Before."

"No that is wrong.Sit down."say⁴s the teacher."

"Frankie, can you spell before?"

Frankie stands up and says, "Before.B - e- e- f -o-r.Before!"

"No, that's not right either.Tyrone, can you spell before?"

Tyro...

"The word of the day is 'contagious'" Said the teacher, "Who can use it in a sentence?"

Little Jenny stood up and said "My dad has a cold and said its contagious"

The teacher praised Jenny and ask for an example from another student.

Billy stood up and said "Miss, my mum has the flu, and I think its contagious"

Happy with Billy's response, the teacher asked for on...

Son: My teacher says, "Father is the pillar of the family". Then what's mom?

Dad: She makes the pillar stiff, strong, and worthwhile to raise a family.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The teacher was asking her students what they wanted to be when they grow up.

When it came to Johnny he said, “I want to be a billionaire and go to expensive clubs. I’ll get me a bitch, and buy her a million-dollar apartment in Vegas, a Ferrari, a beach house in Miami, a jet to fly with, expensive jewelry and have sex with her 3 times a day.”

The teacher was lost for...

Lets face it English is a stupid language

There is no egg in the eggplant

No ham in the hamburger

And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.

English muffins were not invented in England

French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted

But if we examine its paradoxes ...

Why are Blind teachers so good at their job?

They can do it with their eyes closed.

What's it called when chemistry teachers share a favorite band?

A Co- Van Halen bond

Teacher came to Jack's desk

-You had the same answers in your test as Stan. So you must have cheated.

-How do you know that Stan didn't look at my answers? Jack defended himself.

-Stan had written "I don't know" and you had written "I don't know either"...

Teacher- Joe, why are you late for school today.?

Joe- I lost my 2 dollars and was searching for it.

Teacher- And what's your reason for being late Donald.?

Donald- I was standing on that 2 dollars..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher asks her class.

Teacher: "Can any tell me the name of Robin Hood's girlfriend?"

Little Johnny: "Yes Miss, it's Trudy Glen."

Teacher: "No Johnny, the answer is Maid Marion."

Johnny: "But miss in the song it says, Robin Hood, Robin Hood,

riding Trudy Glen."

My teacher asked me what I found to be the most remarkable place..

I said: the whiteboard

How does a geometry teacher drink beer?

From pint A to pint B.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In geography class the teacher asked little Johnny what the highest point of Japan was

Little Johnny said, “I don’t know that but I can tell you the lowest point!”

The teacher says, “ok, what is it?”

Little Johnny then said, “it’s in Nagasaki!”

A teacher asks her students what they do after school.

Teacher : "What do you do after school?"

Student #1 : "I always go buy cigarettes from Yakobo"

Student #2 : "I go to buy weed from Yakobo"

Student #3 : "I go to buy cocaine from Yakobo"

Student #4 : "I always stay at home and do my homework"

Teacher : \*points at...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was in high school, my dad f*cked my teacher repeatedly for better grades in my math class.

Thank god im homeschooled or that could have been wierd

What do you call a geometry teacher who’s obsessed with anime?

Daddy 10π

A teacher goes for a walk on the beach. She finds a shiny magic lamb, picks it up, and rubs it.

The lamb gives her a weird look and runs away.

A teacher asks her class to use the word Contagious in a sentence...

Harry says: 'At the End of WW1 there was the spanish flu & it was very contagious'

'That's right', said the teacher



Jessica stands up & says: 'In Europe during the middle ages there was the bubonic plague & it was highly contagious'


'Well Done' notes th...

My classmates think the math teacher is mean.

I think he's just average.

Teacher asks students

\- "Did you ever save anybody's life?"

\- "I did." Steve raises his hand.

\- "Whose life did you save?"

\- "My nephew’s."

\- "How?"

\- "I hid my sister's birth control pills."

Before lecturing her Sunday school class on heaven and hell, the teacher asked her students "Do you know where girls and boys go when they do bad things"?

"Sure" a boy replied, "Behind Kristin's garage"

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