Yale Jokes - 65 Hilarious Yale Jokes

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I spent the past four years in Yale.

Now I can’t even get a yob as a yanitor. Fucking yudicial system.

How many Yale students does it take to change a lightbulb?

*One to hold the bulb up to the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them, three to scream at the circuit breaker and belittle it for controlling power, and eight others to console the first four while they tweet about how problematic this traumatic experience has been for everyone.*

Interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume?

Guy: That’s when I went to Yale...
Interviewer: That’s impressive. You are hired.
Guy: Thanks. I really needed this Yob.

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup.

As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red 'H' on her chest.

"How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor.

"Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple...

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A man walks onto the campus of Yale university

He walks up to a student and asks "where's the bathroom at?"
The student responds haughtily, "here at Yale, we're taught not to end a sentence with a preposition.
The man realizing his mistake corrects himself, "where's the bathroom at, asshole?"

Interviewer: Would you mind explaining this 4-year gap on your resume?

Me: I went to Yale during this time period.

Interviewer: Wow, excellent! You’re hired!

Me: Thank you! I really needed this yob!

A man walks into a job interview...

He sits down on a chair, and the interviewer starts questioning him.

"So son, where did you receive your education?"

The man replied "Yale".

The interviewer, pleasantly surprised, says "Yale? Hard to believe you went to Yale to become a janitor. So what's your name?"

The...

Everybody Knows Somebody Called DAVE.

Dave is an advertising executive in L.A., who is always boasting that he knows EVERYONE on the planet, & they all know him.

His colleagues love hearing his stories about this celebrity, or that politician. However, his boss doesn't believe a word & challenges him to prove his boasts....

A man goes into a job interview

A man goes into a job interview, and presents himself well.

The employer is shocked at how professional he is, "Wow, you have an incredible resume, and present yourself fantastically, but you seem to be missing 5 years on this part of your resume. What happened there?"

The man replied ...

The interviewer asked me what I’d been doing for the last 3 years

“Yale” I replied

He thought this was wonderful and he offered me the position

I replied “That’s fantastic. I really need this yob”.

Another interview joke

During a job interview, the interviewer asks, “I noticed a 6 year gap in your resume. How do you account for this period of time?”

The applicant responds, “I went to Yale.”

Excited, the interviewer says, “Yale?!? You’re hired!”

The applicant replies, “Yay! I got a yob!”

Two educated men are in a public restroom

One finishes at the urinal and proceeds to walk out the bathroom door

"Hey!" the other man calls "What college do you go to?"

"Yale" the man replies

"Don't they teach you to wash your hands at Yale?" the other man says with a smirk

"What college do YOU go to?" he asks
...

What should you do when you get out of Yale?

Try to get a yob

"What school did you go to?" "Yale"

"Okay, WHAT SCHOOL DID YOU GO TO?"

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A woman walks into a doctor's office and takes off her shirt and bra, revealing an H-shaped rash. "Can you fix this rash?" asked the woman.

"Where did you get this rash?" asked the doctor. "My boyfriend is such a proud Harvard graduate, he insists on wearing his Harvard shirt when we have sex."

The doctor gives the woman a prescription for her rash, and the woman leaves.

Then another woman walks into the office and takes...

A man with a speech impediment sits down for a job interview

"Before we begin," says the man, "I think you should know I have a rare speech impediment."

"Shouldn't be a problem," says the interviewer. "Let's talk about your experience."

"I went to Yale," says the man.

"Amazing!" says the interviewer. "What did you go for?"

The man ...

Timbuktu

The National poetry Contest had come down to semi-finals between a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were both given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was “Timbuktu”

First to recite his poe...

Yale educated

The bank manager noticed the new clerk was not good at counting money and adding up figures.

"Where did you get your financial education?" he asked.

"Yale," replied the lad.

"And what's your name?" barked the manager.

"Yim Yohnston," he replied...

What do a Harvard lawyer and a Yale lawyer have in common?

They both got accepted to Yale.

A Swedish man shows up to a job interview

The interviewer says, "Mr. Gustafson, could you explain the 4 year gap in your resume?"

"I went to Yale", he replied.

"Outstanding! What did you go to Yale for?"

"Yacking off in the library"

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Harvard vs. Yale

A Harvard man and a Yale man are in the men's room. The Harvard man finishes first, and after zipping up and flushing, turns to the sink to wash his hands. The Yale man finishes up, and after zipping and flushing turns to leave the men's room. The Harvard man says "You know, at Harvard they teach...

a man was being interviewed for his dream job

"What is this 8 year gap in your resume?" The interviewer asked

"Oh that? That was when i went to Yale" He explained

"You went to Yale!? Youre hired!"

"Thank you so much! Ive always dreamed of having this Yob!"

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A good old boy from Mississippi gets accepted to Yale. On the first day on campus, he stops a student and asks "Where is the library at?"

The students seems non-plussed, and says with condescension, "At Yale, sir, we don't end questions with a preposition."

Unfazed, the good old boy says, "Ok, so where's the library at, ASSHOLE?"

Yale is rescinding Bill Cosby’s honorary degree.

He still has his Doctorate of Applied Pharmaceuticals to fall back on.

Oh! So you were in Yale?

Oh! So you were in Yale?

Yes.

When?

Yuly 1997 to Yune 1999!

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[nsfw] A girl visits the doctor with a large H shaped mark on her breasts

The doctor was surprised and asked her how it happened. She replied "My boyfriend got into Harvard and was so excited he made love to me in his sweater". The doctor gave her a cream and told her to apply for a few days and the mark will disappear.

The next day, another girl came in with a Y ...

A guy goes into a job interview...

And the interviewer is asking him the standard questions. The interviewer says "you've got a 4 year gap in your resume since your last job. Can you detail that for me?" The guy says "sure! I went to Yale for 4 years." The interviewer says "remarkable! You're hired!" The guy replies,

"Oh thank...

Man goes to a job interview.

Interviewer: see you have a recent employment gap of 5 years, what have you done in that time?
Man: I spent the first 4 years in Yale.
Interviewer: that's impressive, what have you done in the last year?
Man: I've veen looking for a Yob.

My doctor is an expert in keyhole surgery

She studied at Yale

A woman from Connecticut goes on a business trip to Arkansas...

...and, her meeting over and business concluded, she goes to the hotel bar to enjoy a quiet drink.

The bartender, hearing her order, says "Yew shore talk purty. Whar did yew go to school?"

Smiling slightly, the lady says "Yale."

Bartender draws a deep breath and says "YEW SHORE ...

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A dermatologist sees a patient with a rash

One cold April morning, a dermatologist sees a young, female patient who says she has a skin problem on her chest. He tells her to lift the shirt and sees an 'H'-shaped rash. The dermatologist had never seen any letter-shaped rashes like this before so her asks her about it.

The woman sheepi...

Southern

A University of Alabama student was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, "Where y’all go to school? " The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or sou...

There were four guys who were in the final stages of interviewing for a prestigious job.

They were from Harvard, Yale, MIT, and Stanford. The company decided to fly them all in for dinner and a final interview.

Over dinner at a fine restaurant, the president of the company told the men that all were very worthy applicants, and that he wished he could hire them all, but that they ...

Louder!

A redneck is walking on the beach. He comes across two beautiful college girls.

The redneck says, "Hey, where y'all from?"

The two girls reply, "Yale."

The redneck then yells, "HEY, WHERE Y'ALL FROM!?"

There was a young lady.

There was a young lady from Yale,
who offered her body for sale.
To be kind to the blind,
she engraved her behind,
with detailed instructions in braille!

Alabama boy goes to Boston for an interview

He had gone to the University of Alabama on a football scholarship and maybe took a few too many hits to the helmet.

He stopped in a coffee shop before heading to the interview and saw a pretty girl sitting at a table with a few college books. He got his drink and approached her.

In a ...

A Texan went to an ivy league party on the East coast...

...and there's this group of fancy ladies standing around.

"Howdy," he said. "Which school did y'all go to?"

"Oh... Yale," one of them replied daintily.

'WHICH SCHOOL DID Y'ALL GO TO?!"

A man came in to give his application to the manager.

But the manager asked, “Why is there a four-year gap in your application?”

And the man responded, “Yale.”

The manager hired him and the guy said, “Thanks. I needed a yob.”

I want to find a place that accepts me

Like Stanford or Yale or Brown

As an Australian student coming to America to study, I found it hard to get through customs...

"G'day, I'm here to study at uni."

"Which university are you going to, son?

"Yale, mate"

"I SAID WHICH UNIVERSITY ARE YOU GOING TO, SON?!?!"

A man walks up to a janitor and asks him, "Don't you ever get tired of cleaning."

The man, taken back, says, "Excuse me sir. I'll let you know I have children at Harvard, Yale, and MIT."

The other man replies, "Oh really? I'm sorry, what classes are they taking?"

The janitor replies, "Nah, they're janitors."

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Doctor is giving a physical exam to a lady

he asks her to remove her shirt, when he then noticed she had a bruise in the shape of the letter "H" on her chest.

When he asked about it, she said that her boyfriend attends Harvard, and that he's so proud of it that he never takes off his school sweater, even when they have sex.

So ...

Niche joke for us academics...

The Devil was wandering through the Physics building late one night when he happened upon the lab of a hard-working assistant professor.

“Could I interest you in a deal?” the devil asked. “Suppose I fix things so that for the next ten years you publish every piece of research you do, ground-b...

I have this friend who went to Yale.

I have this friend who went to Yale. Maybe you've met him? Really bushy beard, went back to school get a doctorate in sculpture? Anyway. He just gave me his entire collection of carved blackbirds. I was stunned because not only are these some of the most well-crafted sculptures I've ever seen, but h...

Zeke, the bank manager, was dismissing his accountant...

"I don't know what the world is coming to, isn't anybody honest?" He asked. "Where were you educated?"

"Yale," replied the young accountant.

"Such a grand university - what is your name?"

"Yim Yohansen" replied the accountant.

A Southern man goes into a New England bar.

He orders a beer and, making small talk, asks the bartender, "Did y'all go to Hahvurd?"

The bartender replies, "Yale."

"Okay," says the Southern man. "DID Y'ALL GO TO HAHVURD?"

A gynecologist goes to an all-girl university to give year check-ups

The first girl comes in and undresses. The doctor notices she has a rash on her stomach in the shape of an H, "well that's a weirdly shaped rash."

"Oh, my boyfriend goes to Harvard and he's so proud he goes to Harvard that he won't take off his letterman's sweater when we make love."

T...

A man was being interviewed at a job interview...

... and the interviewer was thoroughly impressed.

The man was eloquent in speaking and seemed highly fit for the job.

However, one question lingered in the interviewer’s mind...

“So you seem very skilled and fit for the job. However, I have one question, why were you unemployed...

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Three Men Were Using Urinals In a Public Restroom

The first man finished relieving himself, zipped up, strolled to the sinks and proceeded to wash his hands, using plenty of soap and water and doing a splendidly thorough job.
As he was drying his hands (with lots of paper towels), he loftily announced to no one in particular "At Harvard, I lear...

Where did the pirate go to college?

Yale. He was rejected from H**arrrr**vard.

The Interview

A man goes into an office for an interview.
He sits down on the opposite side of the table of his interviewer.

*couple hours later*

Interviewer: “Hey, everything looks great and you seem like the right person for the job. I just have one more question, it seems that you were unempl...

Three women walk into a doctors office... (x-post from r/funny)

...So the doctor calls in the first one in for her exam. she takes off her shirt and has a big H tattooed on her chest. The doctor asks why there is an H on her chest to which she says: "My husband went to Harvard and he likes to see the H when we do it." The doctor finishes his exam and sends her o...

A guy is interviewing for a job and it has gone really well

Interviewer: Your resume is the best among all the candidates and you have shown great fit to our company culture. I just have one more question for you. In your resume, there is a 4-year empty period, what did you do during that time?

Guy: I went to Yale.

Interviewer: Oh great! You ar...

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One morning a doctor is examining a young woman

As she takes her blouse off the doctor notices that there is a large "H" imprinted on her chest. The doctor asks about it and the young woman replies "my boyfriend is a graduate of Harvard. He's so proud of that fact that he never takes his college sweater off, even when we have sex."

The nex...

A woman walks into her dermatologist’s office

and says "Doctor, I have this terrible rash." She lifts up her sweater to reveal a large H-shaped rash.

The doctor replies, "Now, that is the strangest rash I've ever seen."

The woman explains, "Well, my boyfriend goes to Harvard and refuses to take off his letter sweater when we mak...

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New weights and measures

1. The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

5. Weight an evangelist carries with Go...

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A Doctor was performing his annual check-up on a woman...

He noticed she had a strange rash in the shape of an H on her chest.

He asked if she knew were it came from.

She replied, "Oh yes, my husband went to Harvard. He's so proud he never takes off his sweatshirt. Even during sex"

The Doctor is bemused but soon forgets about it.
<...

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A doctor is seeing a patient.

A doctor is giving a female patient a routine physical. At one point, he needs to examine the woman’s chest. He asks her to remove her top, and notices a large red “H” on her chest.
He asks her “What’s with the ‘H’ on your chest?” She responds by saying “My boyfriend was accepted into Harvard an...

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The rash.

It's the beginning of a new school year on a college campus. This doctor is getting rather busy with physicals and check ups on the campus.

A girl comes in for a check up and while she's shirtless the doctor sees a strange rash in the shape of a 'Y' on her chest.

The doctor asks her ...

Southern Justice

While traveling in unfamiliar territory, a lawyer ran a stop sign and got pulled over by a small town sheriff.

The lawyer thinks for a minute and decides that he can talk his way out of a ticket. After all, he assumes that he must be much better educated than the southern sheriff.

Th...

The Jewish Lawyer and the Rabbi

<Long-ish>

A Jewish lawyer, distraught and in a semi-panic, ran to his Rabbi pleading, "Rabbi! Rabbi! You must help me!"

The Rabbi, quite concerned, inquired, "What is it? What is wrong? How may I help?"

"It's my son. He just called me. He told me he and his family are con...

4 people, 3 parachutes...

"There was a flight that had only four people on it - the pilot, a young boy scout, an elderly pastor and a scholarly looking gentleman. During the flight the pilot came back and said that they were experiencing engine difficulties and that the plane was going to crash. The good news was that they h...

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Old school rash

A young woman walks into a doctor's office complaining about a rash on her chest. Upon examination, the doctor discovers the rash is in the shape of a 'Y'. The doctor asks the woman if she can think of anything which might explain it.

"Well," the woman replies, "it could be my bo...

The Bee Joke

Once, there was a bee who lived in a very complex bee hive. All the bees residing in this hive lived very happily with their own tasks and aspirations. However, this particular bee, named Bart, was quite special. He was an incredibly intelligent bee who matured and learned far faster than his bee pe...

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Three buddies from high school take a trip to Mexico...

Each of the men has spent their lives productively, and are each at the top of their respective fields, and they've kept in touch over the years. They decide that, to celebrate their twentieth high school graduation anniversary, they're going to go down to Mexico City together and generally live it ...

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