I made a DNA joke in my biology class but no one laughed.

Guess my thymine was off.

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What would a funny biology teacher say to a class full of homosexuals?

You're algae and I'm a fungi.

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Failed my biology test today.

They asked, "What is commonly found in cells?"

Apparently "black people" wasn't the correct answer.

I got kicked out of biology class today for eating during the lesson...

Apparently it's called an "Eye disection" not "Eye digestion"

The Biology Exam.

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk'.

The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.

However, he wrote:

1) I...

My sister and I were both in a biology class.

She sat to right of me, while the door was to the left of me. The professor asked “what is it called when one cell divides into two cells?”. No one answered, which meant he would call out on someone. My sister didn’t want to answer the question so she tried to squeeze her way to the exit through the...

Why did the biology teacher and rhe physics teacher break up?

Because they had no CHEMISTRY.

I told my Biology lab partner to let me be her DNA helicase...

So I can unzip those genes.

Im failing Marine Biology but I think I should still pass.

My grade is below C level.

Is biology the study of living organisms...

Or just two ology's..

A questionable article on marine biology goes viral.

"**New study reveals migrating Crows' droppings may be responsible for great barrier barrier reef bleaching**"

The article receives widespread criticism from the scientific community. Marine biologists across the globe insist that coralation does not imply Cawsality.

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A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grad students...

"Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.

A little girl raises her hand and says, "I had a kitty cat who stuttered," she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.


"Well", ...

What do you call it when your Biology grade is close to an F?

Biodegraded

Marine biology

I was going to study marine biology dude. Turns out it was just a lot of maths.

Really dude? What course?

Algae brah.

A student and a biology teacher are having a heated discussion.

Teacher: For the last time, a whale cannot swallow a grown man! It's that simple

Student: Alright, well when I go to heaven I'll go ask Jonah.

Teacher: And what if Jonah is in hell?

Student: You can ask him for me then.

My biology teacher grew human vocal chords from stem cells in the lab, the results...

... speak for themselves

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A teacher draws a cucumber on a chalkboard in a biology class, and asks the students what it is.

One student raises his hand and says.

“That’s a dick ma’am”

The teacher is horrified and runs to the principals office.

A few minutes later, the principal walks in.

“Alright! Who made the teacher cry? And who the hell drew a dick on the board?!”

In Biology, I learned Mitochondria was the powerhouse of the cell

In Prison, I learned Bubba was the powerhouse of the cell

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Biology vs Sex Education

A teacher asked her 4th grade students - What part of the human body can grow up to 4x from it's original size.
Little Suzy said, you shouldn't discuss things like that we are too young.
Teacher asks the same question and Suzy said, I will report you to the principal and you will get fired we ...

The biology teacher asks Johnny if he can describe what a specimen is?

Sure teach, a specimen is an Italian astronaut!

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I asked my biology teacher how he makes his class so interesting

He told me: Sex cells.

Paige finishes writing her biology dissertation and hands it in to the lecturer the following day.

He quickly flicks through it and realises something is missing.

"Where's your appendix page?"

"Easy", she says, and points to her lower abdomen.

In their biology class, students are given an activity that introduces them to relative dating...

One Student: "Relative Dating? This isn't Alabama!"

My Biology teacher told me ants are female

The males are called uncles

My biology teacher stubbed his toe today and screamed..

Mitosis

My Biology Professor told me this one

When Gandhi was studying law at the University College of London, a white professor, whose last name was Peters, disliked him intensely and always displayed prejudice and animosity towards him.
Also, because Gandhi never lowered his head when addressing him , as he expected.... there were always ...

I got an F in Biology Class

Next time I see my teacher I’m gonna punch her in the balls!

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An anatomy teacher was teaching the basics of male biology...

An anatomy teacher was teaching the basics of male biology to her class. She explained what the urethra and testicles are to her class, when a student raised his hand and said,

"I thought that the urethra and testicles were just two different terms describing the same thing?"

The teach...

The science teacher was discussing insects in her biology class.

She said, "Moths always fly with their legs apart. Can anybody tell me why?"
The quick witted retort came flying back "Well miss have you seen the size of moth balls?"

A biology teacher runs into a bank holding a flower.

He says "Everybody on the ground, I have a pistil!"

A student is going through some hypotheticals about snakes to their biology teacher

student:"What if it bites me and it dies?"

Teacher:"that means you’re poisonous."

Student:"What if it bites itself and I die?"

Teacher:"It’s voodoo."

Student:"What if it bites me and someone else dies?"

Teacher:"That’s correlation, not causation."

Student:"w...

I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells.

Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.

How do you pass a biology test on excretion?

Process of elimination.

Biology Lesson

Dr Adams is holding forth to his college students on biology and anatomy. "Miss Baker, can you tell me which part of the human body can expand by up to 10 times, and under what conditions?"

Miss Baker blushes furiously, and says, "That is not an appropriate question to ask a lady, and I will ...

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During a Biology class, the teacher asked the class

"Why is it that during childhood girls tend to grow taller than guys?

Little Johnny raised his hand and replied,

"That's because guys have balls and that weighs them down."

The teacher, a bit annoyed, responded, "Then why is it that at maturity guys tend to grow taller than girl...

Biology Lesson

A little girl raised her hand during a biology lesson and asked the teacher if her grandmother could have a baby.

The teacher surprised by the question explains that her grandmother would be too old to have a baby.

The little girl followed that up by asking if her mother could have a b...

My biology teacher said there is no evolutionary advantage to blue eyes.

She must have never heard of the holocaust.

Little Ahmed is doing his biology homework.

He comes upon a question: "What separates the head from the body?"

Ahmed answers: "The axe"

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One day in Biology Class...

The teacher was teaching a lesson on human reproductive organs. As a fun fact, she told the class that there was sugar present in semen.

One girl raised her hand and asked, "Then why does semen taste salty?"

Realising what she had said, her face turned bright red. She put her head down...

My Biology Teacher Asked What ATP is...

I replied, "where Native Americans live."

Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.

Multiplication in biology means reproduction, which is microscopically accomplished by cell division.

My father teaches biology and Spanish..

Him: Ok, who can tell me what these are?

Me: (Raises hand) Soy Beans!

Him: Much gusto, Beans! Me llamo Dad.

Signing up for Marine biology this semester was disappointing.

I never learned what’s going on in Le Pen’s head.

Biology Joke

Biology teacher: Can anyone name a disease? Student: I can sir. Teacher: Well done. Whose next?

I kept trying to think of puns about the eye during my biology lesson, when we dissected one.

To be honest, they kept getting cornea and cornea....

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A biology professor decides to start the new term with a bang.

A biology professor decides to start the new term with a bang.

He steps up to the podium and looks for the most disinterested girl in the room.

Pointing out a particularly bored looking blonde girl he announces "Today we're going to start by discussing involuntary muscle contractions. ...

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A biology class is preparing to take their final for the year

The professor tells them to take out a blank sheet of paper

He tells them for their final they have to take a look at a birds feet and identify, the name of the bird, the class, order, family, genus and species.

They'll also have to tell the color of bird and how old it is.

O...

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Lil Johnny is sitting in biology class.

The teacher says that an interesting phenomenon in nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.
Suddenly, the little boy's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.
"Please explain, "Lil Johnny" replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss, just the other day I was pl...

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Crappy biology bar joke

A few cells enter a bar. They sit in a corner and talk amongst themselves, drink moderately and don't pick up a fight with anyone. They leave the bar quietly.




Because they were cultured cells..

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The Online Biology Class

I almost got expelled in an Online Biology crash course earlier. They asked me what the major constituent of cells are.

Turns out, "black people" is NOT a good answer.

Little Ivan is in Biology Class

The teacher is demonstrating the effects of alcohol. First she puts a worm in a petri dish full of water. The worm keeps wriggling in the glass. Then the teacher puts the worm in a petri dish full of isopropyl alcohol. The worm promptly stops wriggling. The teacher asks the class:

"What do we...

I love my biology teacher....

**He gives great life lessons**

my 14 year old came back with this after his biology class

Q. who was the Jewish prophet that led the water molecules across the partially permeable membrane?
A. osmoses

The pains of being a biology student.

There was a biology student who was studying equilibrium in sea birds with a
specific focus on terns. He proposed that giving measured doses of THC (from,
of course, marijuana) and observing their flight patterns would give some
insight to the problems of equilibrium in three dimensional sp...

Biology Joke

When a plant is sad, what do other plants do?

Photosympathize

My biology professor's favorite joke

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?


You can't hear an enzyme!

How many Biology undergrads does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but doing it will make them think they're going to be an electrician in the future.

Request: biology jokes

Hey guys I need some jokes for my biology class to liven things up a bit so gimme your best. ( pick-up lines and puns also acceptable)

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Why did the biology magazine put a picture of gametes on their cover?

Because sex cells.

Help creating a biology joke to end my exam .

So, I'm sitting here, needing to write one more essay question for the exam I am giving shortly and have decided that I don't want it to be a serious question. It's only worth a couple of points and I don't mind giving students a couple of freebies. Exam is covering Mitosis/Meiosis/Mendelian genetic...

Today in biology class we learnt about all the health problems related to cigarettes

Thank god I switched to crack last week

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Warning: Bad Biology Puns

So a Homo is talking to his friend, pitching him an idea for a new musical he came up with. Upon finishing his pitch, his friend looks at him and exclaims "Wow! Its brilliant!". Homo looks at him and says, "Well, I am a genus!"

My wife's a biology teacher...

This morning she asked how I wanted my eggs.

I told her, "Ovariesy."

A frog goes to a fortune teller to get his palm read.

He asks her, "so, what's my fortune?"

The fortune teller says to him, " I have good news and I have bad news.

The good news is that soon, you will meet a beautiful young girl who will find great interest in you, and she is going to steal your heart."

"That's great! What's the ba...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the study of people attracted to both sexes?

Biology

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A girl with a nasal voice walks into a speech therapist's office to get herself "cured."

After going through the therapy, she starts getting hit on by guys who earlier bullied her. She starts having positive thoughts and dreams again. One day she dreams of having sex with her hot Biology teacher. The next day she stays in for office hours and ends up fucking him.

She starts getti...

My dad told me this a couple of days back: Three professors walk into a seaside bar.

The first, a maths professor, wishes to make a name for himself and says to the other two, "I'm gonna figure out the depth of the sea."

Saying that, he walks out. The physics professor, unwilling to be outshined, proclaims "Well I'll find out what the density of the sea actually is and catch ...

A doctor who was proud of his degrees...

always had them hanging in his office. His BS in Biology, PhD in Microbiology, and his MD were framed and hung behind him.

One day his clinic caught fire and he was caught inside the burning building. They were finally able to pull his unconscious body from the rubble and rushed him to the em...

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An african zoologist moves to Rural Alabama. One day, a farmer knocks on the door, behind him is his wife, holding a black baby...

Immediatly, the farmer grabs the zoologist by his collar and yells "Now you see here! See that kid over there! I've got Nine kids and they aaall white. And alla' sudden, this one comes out black! And you the only black man in a 300 mile radius, mind explaining that one to me?"

The zoologist r...

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline.

His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”

The frog is thrilled! “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?”

“No,” says his advisor, “in her biology class.”

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