What do you call it when your Biology grade is close to an F?

Biodegraded

I told my Biology lab partner to let me be her DNA helicase...

So I can unzip those genes.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the prostitute biology teacher say?

Sex cells.

A questionable article on marine biology goes viral.

"**New study reveals migrating Crows' droppings may be responsible for great barrier barrier reef bleaching**"

The article receives widespread criticism from the scientific community. Marine biologists across the globe insist that coralation does not imply Cawsality.

Is biology the study of living organisms...

Or just two ology's..

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grad students...

"Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.

A little girl raises her hand and says, "I had a kitty cat who stuttered," she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.


"Well", ...

In Biology, I learned Mitochondria was the powerhouse of the cell

In Prison, I learned Bubba was the powerhouse of the cell

My biology teacher stubbed his toe today and screamed..

Mitosis

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Biology vs Sex Education

A teacher asked her 4th grade students - What part of the human body can grow up to 4x from it's original size.
Little Suzy said, you shouldn't discuss things like that we are too young.
Teacher asks the same question and Suzy said, I will report you to the principal and you will get fired we ...

A student and a biology teacher are having a heated discussion.

Teacher: For the last time, a whale cannot swallow a grown man! It's that simple

Student: Alright, well when I go to heaven I'll go ask Jonah.

Teacher: And what if Jonah is in hell?

Student: You can ask him for me then.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Failed my biology test today...

They asked, "What is commonly found in cells?" Apparently "black people" wasn't the correct answer.

Marine biology

I was going to study marine biology dude. Turns out it was just a lot of maths.

Really dude? What course?

Algae brah.

Why does Physics hate Biology?

Because they have no Chemistry

The biology teacher asks Johnny if he can describe what a specimen is?

Sure teach, a specimen is an Italian astronaut!

My biology teacher grew human vocal chords from stem cells in the lab, the results...

... speak for themselves

Paige finishes writing her biology dissertation and hands it in to the lecturer the following day.

He quickly flicks through it and realises something is missing.

"Where's your appendix page?"

"Easy", she says, and points to her lower abdomen.

You hear about the kid that threw his biology test in the trash, yet still managed to pass?

Turns out, it was bio-D-gradable.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Failed my job interview as a biology teacher today.

Question: "What is a homo erectus?"

Apparently, "a gay with a boner" was not the correct answer.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I asked my biology teacher how he makes his class so interesting

He told me: Sex cells.

My Biology teacher told me ants are female

The males are called uncles

I think I'm failing my marine biology class

My grade is below C level.

A student is going through some hypotheticals about snakes to their biology teacher

student:"What if it bites me and it dies?"

Teacher:"that means you’re poisonous."

Student:"What if it bites itself and I die?"

Teacher:"It’s voodoo."

Student:"What if it bites me and someone else dies?"

Teacher:"That’s correlation, not causation."

Student:"w...

In their biology class, students are given an activity that introduces them to relative dating...

One Student: "Relative Dating? This isn't Alabama!"

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An anatomy teacher was teaching the basics of male biology...

An anatomy teacher was teaching the basics of male biology to her class. She explained what the urethra and testicles are to her class, when a student raised his hand and said,

"I thought that the urethra and testicles were just two different terms describing the same thing?"

The teach...

I got an F in Biology Class

Next time I see my teacher I’m gonna punch her in the balls!

The science teacher was discussing insects in her biology class.

She said, "Moths always fly with their legs apart. Can anybody tell me why?"
The quick witted retort came flying back "Well miss have you seen the size of moth balls?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

In biology class, the teacher draws a cucumber on the blackboard:

"Children, could someone tell me what is this?"
Johny raises his hand: "It's a dick, teacher!"
The teacher bursts into tears and runs out. Shortly, the principal rushes in:
"All right, what did you do now? Which one of you brought your teacher to tears? And who the hell drew that dick o...

I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells.

Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.

Little Ahmed is doing his biology homework.

He comes upon a question: "What separates the head from the body?"

Ahmed answers: "The axe"

A biology teacher runs into a bank holding a flower.

He says "Everybody on the ground, I have a pistil!"

Biology Lesson

Dr Adams is holding forth to his college students on biology and anatomy. "Miss Baker, can you tell me which part of the human body can expand by up to 10 times, and under what conditions?"

Miss Baker blushes furiously, and says, "That is not an appropriate question to ask a lady, and I will ...

Biology Lesson

A little girl raised her hand during a biology lesson and asked the teacher if her grandmother could have a baby.

The teacher surprised by the question explains that her grandmother would be too old to have a baby.

The little girl followed that up by asking if her mother could have a b...

My Biology Teacher Asked What ATP is...

I replied, "where Native Americans live."

My biology teacher said there is no evolutionary advantage to blue eyes.

She must have never heard of the holocaust.

Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.

Multiplication in biology means reproduction, which is microscopically accomplished by cell division.

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During a Biology class, the teacher asked the class

"Why is it that during childhood girls tend to grow taller than guys?

Little Johnny raised his hand and replied,

"That's because guys have balls and that weighs them down."

The teacher, a bit annoyed, responded, "Then why is it that at maturity guys tend to grow taller than girl...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One day in Biology Class...

The teacher was teaching a lesson on human reproductive organs. As a fun fact, she told the class that there was sugar present in semen.

One girl raised her hand and asked, "Then why does semen taste salty?"

Realising what she had said, her face turned bright red. She put her head down...

Signing up for Marine biology this semester was disappointing.

I never learned what’s going on in Le Pen’s head.

My Biology Professor told me this one

When Gandhi was studying law at the University College of London, a white professor, whose last name was Peters, disliked him intensely and always displayed prejudice and animosity towards him.
Also, because Gandhi never lowered his head when addressing him , as he expected.... there were always ...

My father teaches biology and Spanish..

Him: Ok, who can tell me what these are?

Me: (Raises hand) Soy Beans!

Him: Much gusto, Beans! Me llamo Dad.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was taking a biology test a few years ago

Science was never my strong point and I was totally stumped on the following question: "What are two things commonly found in cells?"

I went to go and copy from the guy sitting next to me, but I decided "niggers and addicts" probably wasn't the right answer.

If you don't know how to answer a question on a flower biology test...

You can always guess the anther

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A biology class is preparing to take their final for the year

The professor tells them to take out a blank sheet of paper

He tells them for their final they have to take a look at a birds feet and identify, the name of the bird, the class, order, family, genus and species.

They'll also have to tell the color of bird and how old it is.

O...

I kept trying to think of puns about the eye during my biology lesson, when we dissected one.

To be honest, they kept getting cornea and cornea....

Biology Joke

Biology teacher: Can anyone name a disease? Student: I can sir. Teacher: Well done. Whose next?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Lil Johnny is sitting in biology class.

The teacher says that an interesting phenomenon in nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.
Suddenly, the little boy's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.
"Please explain, "Lil Johnny" replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss, just the other day I was pl...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Online Biology Class

I almost got expelled in an Online Biology crash course earlier. They asked me what the major constituent of cells are.

Turns out, "black people" is NOT a good answer.

my 14 year old came back with this after his biology class

Q. who was the Jewish prophet that led the water molecules across the partially permeable membrane?
A. osmoses

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Crappy biology bar joke

A few cells enter a bar. They sit in a corner and talk amongst themselves, drink moderately and don't pick up a fight with anyone. They leave the bar quietly.




Because they were cultured cells..

Little Ivan is in Biology Class

The teacher is demonstrating the effects of alcohol. First she puts a worm in a petri dish full of water. The worm keeps wriggling in the glass. Then the teacher puts the worm in a petri dish full of isopropyl alcohol. The worm promptly stops wriggling. The teacher asks the class:

"What do we...

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A biology professor decides to start the new term with a bang.

A biology professor decides to start the new term with a bang.

He steps up to the podium and looks for the most disinterested girl in the room.

Pointing out a particularly bored looking blonde girl he announces "Today we're going to start by discussing involuntary muscle contractions. ...

I love my biology teacher....

**He gives great life lessons**

The pains of being a biology student.

There was a biology student who was studying equilibrium in sea birds with a
specific focus on terns. He proposed that giving measured doses of THC (from,
of course, marijuana) and observing their flight patterns would give some
insight to the problems of equilibrium in three dimensional sp...

My biology professor's favorite joke

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?


You can't hear an enzyme!

What do you call an exam that a Biology major almost failed?

Biodegradable.

Request: biology jokes

Hey guys I need some jokes for my biology class to liven things up a bit so gimme your best. ( pick-up lines and puns also acceptable)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the biology magazine put a picture of gametes on their cover?

Because sex cells.

Help creating a biology joke to end my exam .

So, I'm sitting here, needing to write one more essay question for the exam I am giving shortly and have decided that I don't want it to be a serious question. It's only worth a couple of points and I don't mind giving students a couple of freebies. Exam is covering Mitosis/Meiosis/Mendelian genetic...

Biology Joke

When a plant is sad, what do other plants do?

Photosympathize

Today in biology class we learnt about all the health problems related to cigarettes

Thank god I switched to crack last week

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Warning: Bad Biology Puns

So a Homo is talking to his friend, pitching him an idea for a new musical he came up with. Upon finishing his pitch, his friend looks at him and exclaims "Wow! Its brilliant!". Homo looks at him and says, "Well, I am a genus!"

My wife's a biology teacher...

This morning she asked how I wanted my eggs.

I told her, "Ovariesy."

A doctor who was proud of his degrees...

always had them hanging in his office. His BS in Biology, PhD in Biology, and his MD were framed and hung behind him.

One day, however, his clinic caught fire and he was trapped inside. They were finally able to pull his unconscious body from the building as its frame collapsed and it came c...

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline.

His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”

The frog is thrilled! “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?”

“No,” says his advisor, “in her biology class.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An african zoologist moves to Rural Alabama. One day, a farmer knocks on the door, behind him is his wife, holding a black baby...

Immediatly, the farmer grabs the zoologist by his collar and yells "Now you see here! See that kid over there! I've got Nine kids and they aaall white. And alla' sudden, this one comes out black! And you the only black man in a 300 mile radius, mind explaining that one to me?"

The zoologist r...

My dad told me this a couple of days back: Three professors walk into a seaside bar.

The first, a maths professor, wishes to make a name for himself and says to the other two, "I'm gonna figure out the depth of the sea."

Saying that, he walks out. The physics professor, unwilling to be outshined, proclaims "Well I'll find out what the density of the sea actually is and catch ...

No Good Deed

I have a friend who studied marine biology at Scripp’s Institute. After graduating, he got a job working for the navy on a secret project to train porpoises to talk. They discovered porpoises learn better when they eat a strict diet of mynah birds. Having a shortage here, he was sent to China to get...

THIS IS A TRUE STORY

When I was in my tenth grade biology honors class, we were tasting a compound known as PTC. For those of you that don't know PTC is a chemical that you can either taste, super-taste or not taste at all and it depends entirely on genetics. I couldn't taste it but my tablemate Eric (made up name for p...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Lizards

Lizard Birth

If you've raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!


I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.

Here's what happened:

Just after dinn...

I was being mugged the other day...

The guy said, "Give me all your money or else you're biology!"
I said, "Don't you mean history?"
He told me "Don't change the subject!"

A foot model was on his way to a competition whilst walking through a forest...

...He passed by a lumberjack who accidentally let go of his axe and ended up dismembering one of the model's precious digits.

Thinking quickly the lumberjack bandaged up the model's foot with some nearby foliage and helped the model limp to his event.

When they got there the on site do...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The rude professor.

A biology professor in Italy was giving an anatomy class. "The largest penis was discovered in an archeological finding in rome". Two or three offended female students get up to leave. The professor says "hey girls" The female students turn around in a egotistical manner expecting an apology. The p...

A frog goes to a fortune teller to find out if he will ever be lucky in love...

The fortune teller reads his palm and tells the frog, “I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like to hear first?”

The frog asks for the good news first.

The fortune teller says, “You are going to meet the most beautiful girl, who is going to be very interested in you a...

A frog wanted to know about his future and goes to meet an oracle. The oracle prophesied that in his future, he will be touched by a beautiful lady.

The frog grew curious and wanted to know when and where it would happen, to which the Oracle replied, 'next year, in a Biology lab'!

I remember my parent’s reaction when I brought home my first A+ on a test

It was something like “Who’s Lily” and “You aren’t even in AP Biology”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Highschool in a nutshell

Art: *draws dicks everywhere*

Biology: "mighty mitochondria... The powerhouse of the cell"

Chemistry: feelslikeamethlabman.jpg

English: "conjunction junction what's your function?"

Health: "here's STD-infected genitalia, now everybody take condoms"

History: *insert...

I am bad at math, I often mix up multiplication and division.

Though I am great at biology, cause they’re the same damn thing!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I just discovered that an Asian has broken into my house.

All my math, physics, biology, and chemistry homework was done, my computer was upgraded, and that little fucker was still trying to back out of my driveway.