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Biology Jokes

I made a DNA joke in my biology class but no one laughed.

Guess my thymine was off.

My biology teacher grew human vocal chords from stem cells in the lab, the results...

... speak for themselves

Dr. Parker, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Smith, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."

Miss Smith gasped, blushed deeply, then said freezingly,
Dr. Parker, I do not think that is a proper question to
ask me, you should be asking a boy. And I assure you my
parents will hear of this." With that she sat down, very
red-faced.

Unperturbed, Dr. Parker called on Miss John...

My Biology Professor told me this one

When Gandhi was studying law at the University College of London, a white professor, whose last name was Peters, disliked him intensely and always displayed prejudice and animosity towards him.
Also, because Gandhi never lowered his head when addressing him , as he expected.... there were always ...

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Biology Class

In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen.

A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose in male semen as in sugar ?"

"That's correct", responded the prof, going on to add stat...

I think I'm failing my marine biology class

My grade is below C level.

Biology is important

It’s a matter of life and death.

I've just accidentally let slip to the family that I lied about earning my biology degree.

Me and my big face-hole thingy.

An enthusiastic biology teacher saw an unenthusiastic classroom

So he wanted to do something

He went and stood on his head on top of a table and asked "can you see my face is getting all red?"

The children said yes

He gets off and says "When I stand on my head, all the blood moves into my head region and my face gets red. B...

My Biology Teacher Asked What ATP is...

I replied, "where Native Americans live."

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I asked my biology teacher how he makes his class so interesting

He told me: Sex cells.

During a biology exam a student has to list three pros of breast milk.

He's unprepared, but starts looking for common sense answers and writes down:

- Contains all the nutrients a baby needs,

- Doesn't need heating,

But he still needs one more. And just as the time is about to run out, the student writes:

- Has great packaging.

What do you call a bunch of crows that just earned a BS in Biology?

First Degree Pre-med Murder.


Sorry in advance. I'm in the middle of studying criminal law for the bar and know this is super dumb.

My biology professor's favorite joke

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? You can't hear an enzyme!

Why did the Biology teacher break up with the Physics teacher?

There was no chemistry.

I don't understand the biology of hair growth

It just goes over my head

Biology class

In tenth grade my biology teacher thought our attendance should be represented in our grades. He called it the “tardy grade.”

Biology

Two sister cells were separating during cell division. In the process, one of the cell steps on the other's foot. The other cell yells.... Mitosis!

My biology teacher asked me to make a diagram of bacteria.

When he questioned why I submitted a blank piece of paper, I told him : "it only appears blank because its invisible to the naked eye"

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Have my exam tomorrow! 'The biology of beastiality'

If anyone needs me, ill be in my lab.

Everyday biology pun

What do you get when you mix picture day with writing a biology essay?



photos-and-thesis

What did the biology teacher tell the frog?

Looks aren't everything, it's what inside you that really matters.

The relationship between the Physics teacher and biology teacher in my brother's school didn't last long...

They had no chemistry et. al.

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An anatomy teacher was teaching the basics of male biology...

An anatomy teacher was teaching the basics of male biology to her class. She explained what the urethra and testicles are to her class, when a student raised his hand and said,

"I thought that the urethra and testicles were just two different terms describing the same thing?"

The teach...

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Failed my biology test today...

They asked, "What is commonly found in cells?" Apparently "black people" wasn't the correct answer.

4th grade biology...

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students."Human beings are the only animals that stutter,' she says A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.' The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident. "Well,...

A Dr. Of marine biology was inspired to create a new beverage.

Dr. Marcus Opor, renowned marine biologist and ocean sustainability expert, experimented with a brewed beverage with skipjack tuna as its primary ingredient. He spent years alternating its composition, striving for a balance of savory and rich ocean flavors. At last, he perfected his "tea", and was ...

What is the difference between Biology & Sociology ?

If a newly born baby looks like his father, it is Biology but if he looks like the neighbor that’s Sociology.

I finally graduated as an expert in female biology

I studied abroad or two

A fourth grade biology teacher is asking a series of questions to her students

Eventually she asks "What part of the body can grow ten times its normal size when stimulated?"

As soon as she asks that, a girl at the back of the class stands up and yells "EWW, THAT'S SO GROSS. HOW DARE YOU ASK THIS TO SMALL CHILDREN? I'M GOING TO TELL MY MOTHER ALL ABOUT THIS", then storm...

The Biology Exam.

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk'.

The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.

However, he wrote:

1) I...

I passed my Algebra test today but failed my Biology exam.

The aftermath was really difficult.

What did Cinderella say while reading Biology?

I hate Mitosis

Is biology the study of living organisms...

Or just two ology's..

Biology Joke

Biology teacher: Can anyone name a disease? Student: I can sir. Teacher: Well done. Whose next?

A lot of people don’t know that Lisa Kudrow has a bachelor's degree in Biology

She was visiting an old school friend who was doing a research project on the genetics of rats and they were showing her their breeding pairs. “This is the Mama Rat A who has a gene sequence that makes her produce more young, and with her is the Papa Rat A who has a trait that causes him to sire un...

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[NSFW] During a biology class, the teacher says

During a biology class, the teacher says, " Your semen has some glucose in it."


At which, a kid goes, " So, it must taste sweet. But, it doesn't."


Teacher: "That's because the sweet taste buds are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of it."

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Here’s one my biology teacher told in class.

There are three moles digging a hole. There’s a daddy mole, a mommy mole, and a baby mole. The daddy mole stops digging and sticks his nose in the air and says “it smells like pancakes!”
Then, the mommy mole sticks her nose in the air and says “it smells like bacon!”
Then the baby mole sighs ...

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Three men pass away in a tragic car crash

Their girlfriends are trying to figure out what to do with their ashes. The first woman says "hey, my boyfriend really loved nature. I'm going to spread his ashes throughout the forest so he can be eternally connected with the wilderness."

The second woman says "hey, my boyfriend was really i...

The biology teacher told us our skin is the biggest organ...

Here i was thinking it was the one they play in the church down the road!

I told my Biology lab partner to let me be her DNA helicase...

So I can unzip those genes.

my 14 year old came back with this after his biology class

Q. who was the Jewish prophet that led the water molecules across the partially permeable membrane?
A. osmoses

I just downloaded my Biology notes but couldn’t open them.

We were studying the helicase. I then had to Unzip the file to open

Marine biology

I was going to study marine biology dude. Turns out it was just a lot of maths.

Really dude? What course?

Algae brah.

I took my Biology exam last Friday

I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.

Biology Lesson

A little girl raised her hand during a biology lesson and asked the teacher if her grandmother could have a baby.

The teacher surprised by the question explains that her grandmother would be too old to have a baby.

The little girl followed that up by asking if her mother could have a b...

If a biologist studies biology and a nutritionist studies nutrition

Trump must be an expert at studying races.

Biology Joke

When a plant is sad, what do other plants do?

Photosympathize

So i got 2 ‘O’ levels in Biology and metalwork...

So if your Dog needs welding I’m your man...

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One day in Biology Class...

The teacher was teaching a lesson on human reproductive organs. As a fun fact, she told the class that there was sugar present in semen.

One girl raised her hand and asked, "Then why does semen taste salty?"

Realising what she had said, her face turned bright red. She put her head down...

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In biology class, the teacher draws a cucumber on the blackboard:

"Children, could someone tell me what is this?"
Johny raises his hand: "It's a dick, teacher!"
The teacher bursts into tears and runs out. Shortly, the principal rushes in:
"All right, what did you do now? Which one of you brought your teacher to tears? And who the hell drew that dick o...

What did the biology student say when the advisor asked if anyone wanted to be a mortician?

“Over my dead body!”

A questionable article on marine biology goes viral.

"**New study reveals migrating Crows' droppings may be responsible for great barrier barrier reef bleaching**"

The article receives widespread criticism from the scientific community. Marine biologists across the globe insist that coralation does not imply Cawsality.

I walked into the biology lab and saw my lab partner dissecting an insect.

I told him, "I think your fly is open."

My father teaches biology and Spanish..

Him: Ok, who can tell me what these are?

Me: (Raises hand) Soy Beans!

Him: Much gusto, Beans! Me llamo Dad.

The biology teacher asks Johnny if he can describe what a specimen is?

Sure teach, a specimen is an Italian astronaut!

Biology tell me you're 70% water. Physics tells me that you're 99.99% empty space. Chemistry tells me that you're 60% oxygen.

But I'm telling you that you're a 100% CUTIE!!!

I once lied in biology class and told everyone I could touch the tiny hairs in my nose - They all laughed.

I'd never felt cilia.

Biology Lesson

Dr Adams is holding forth to his college students on biology and anatomy. "Miss Baker, can you tell me which part of the human body can expand by up to 10 times, and under what conditions?"

Miss Baker blushes furiously, and says, "That is not an appropriate question to ask a lady, and I will ...

I told my dad I couldn't believe I'd failed my biology exam.

He said , I'm your mum.

Request: biology jokes

Hey guys I need some jokes for my biology class to liven things up a bit so gimme your best. ( pick-up lines and puns also acceptable)

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Crappy biology bar joke

A few cells enter a bar. They sit in a corner and talk amongst themselves, drink moderately and don't pick up a fight with anyone. They leave the bar quietly.




Because they were cultured cells..

So We were learning about cell division in biology class today.

I ended up stubbing my toe somehow and i had to go home because it hurt so bad.
When my sister asked what hurt, i said “mitosis.”

I watched a documentary on the feeding behaviors and biology of cattle...

"Graze Anatomy"

I love my biology teacher....

**He gives great life lessons**

A biology teacher runs into a bank holding a flower.

He says "Everybody on the ground, I have a pistil!"

Paige finishes writing her biology dissertation and hands it in to the lecturer the following day.

He quickly flicks through it and realises something is missing.

"Where's your appendix page?"

"Easy", she says, and points to her lower abdomen.

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The science teacher was discussing insects in her biology class.

She said, "Moths always fly with their legs apart. Can anybody tell me why?"
The quick witted retort came flying back "Well miss have you seen the size of moth balls?"

Help creating a biology joke to end my exam .

So, I'm sitting here, needing to write one more essay question for the exam I am giving shortly and have decided that I don't want it to be a serious question. It's only worth a couple of points and I don't mind giving students a couple of freebies. Exam is covering Mitosis/Meiosis/Mendelian genetic...

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A teacher draws a cucumber on a chalkboard in a biology class, and asks the students what it is.

One student raises his hand and says.

“That’s a dick ma’am”

The teacher is horrified and runs to the principals office.

A few minutes later, the principal walks in.

“Alright! Who made the teacher cry? And who the hell drew a dick on the board?!”

When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry

And an F in Physics

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The Online Biology Class

I almost got expelled in an Online Biology crash course earlier. They asked me what the major constituent of cells are.

Turns out, "black people" is NOT a good answer.

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Warning: Bad Biology Puns

So a Homo is talking to his friend, pitching him an idea for a new musical he came up with. Upon finishing his pitch, his friend looks at him and exclaims "Wow! Its brilliant!". Homo looks at him and says, "Well, I am a genus!"

I got kicked out of biology class today for eating during the lesson...

Apparently it's called an "Eye disection" not "Eye digestion"

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During a Biology class, the teacher asked the class

"Why is it that during childhood girls tend to grow taller than guys?

Little Johnny raised his hand and replied,

"That's because guys have balls and that weighs them down."

The teacher, a bit annoyed, responded, "Then why is it that at maturity guys tend to grow taller than girl...

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Lil Johnny is sitting in biology class.

The teacher says that an interesting phenomenon in nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.
Suddenly, the little boy's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.
"Please explain, "Lil Johnny" replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss, just the other day I was pl...

In their biology class, students are given an activity that introduces them to relative dating...

One Student: "Relative Dating? This isn't Alabama!"

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A biology class is preparing to take their final for the year

The professor tells them to take out a blank sheet of paper

He tells them for their final they have to take a look at a birds feet and identify, the name of the bird, the class, order, family, genus and species.

They'll also have to tell the color of bird and how old it is.

O...

Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.

Multiplication in biology means reproduction, which is microscopically accomplished by cell division.

Little Ahmed is doing his biology homework.

He comes upon a question: "What separates the head from the body?"

Ahmed answers: "The axe"

My Biology teacher told me ants are female

The males are called uncles

My biology teacher stubbed his toe today and screamed..

Mitosis

Signing up for Marine biology this semester was disappointing.

I never learned what’s going on in Le Pen’s head.

My wife's a biology teacher...

This morning she asked how I wanted my eggs.

I told her, "Ovariesy."

What does prison have in common with biology?

Cell culture.

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A biology professor decides to start the new term with a bang.

A biology professor decides to start the new term with a bang.

He steps up to the podium and looks for the most disinterested girl in the room.

Pointing out a particularly bored looking blonde girl he announces "Today we're going to start by discussing involuntary muscle contractions. ...

If you don't know how to answer a question on a flower biology test...

You can always guess the anther

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Why did the biology magazine put a picture of gametes on their cover?

Because sex cells.

Don’t know much about history. Don’t know much biology. Don’t know much about a science book.

Donald Trump’s resume when he applied to be a presidential candidate.

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