Albert Einstein was a genius and worthy of praise and study.

His brother Frank was an absolute monster.

A white scientist is studying a tribe in Africa

A white scientist is studying an African tribe.

One day, the tribe leaders wife has a white son.

The tribe leader approaches the scientist soon after.

"Well, we both know what happened here. No one else could have done it. You slept with my wife, I have to kill you." The tribe l...

A maid decided it was time to demand a raise, so she went directly to the Lady of the house's private study Maid: "I'd like a raise."

Mrs. Smith:"Why do you think you deserve a raise?

Maid:"Three reasons. First, I can cook better than you."

Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"

Maid:"Your husband. Second, I clean better than you."

Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"

Maid:"Your husband.Third, I'm better in ...

Where do hippos go to study neurology

The hippocampus

They say reading is hot. So I started studying philosophy.

Now all of my relationships are platonic.

A scientist was studying life extending properties through diet...

And realized he had the perfect formula for eternal life. He developed a special food formula which he fed to seagulls. Then he would feed their eggs to a pair of dolphins.

After 10 years on a diet of fortified seagull eggs, the dolphins hadn't aged a day. But there was one problem. Th...

A new study says humans eat bananas more than monkeys.

I believe it. I know lots of people who eat bananas and none who eat monkeys.

Gordon Ramsey was studying for an essay in animal husbandry when he came across a problem...

On the university webpage the links to study each animal were listed.

He clicked on the cow link and studied cows.

He clicked on the pig link and studied pigs.

He clicked on the chicken link and studied chickens.

However, when it got to studying the lambs, only the name w...

Why did the girl go on the tree to study

For higher education

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Professor: April, you are failing my class.

April: Oh, Professor. My parents will be so mad. I’m sure we can fix this. I’ll do annnything to pass.

Professor: {gulp} anything?

April: YES! Anything you can dream up.

Professor: Will you…… study?

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A recent study shows women don't want to have sex nowadays

1000 in 1000 told me so.

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A Covid-19 study produced some startling results.

Data was conducted from a
[email protected] online survey in Italy
from April 7 to May 4, 2020. In it
were 6,821 participants 18 or older
(4177 women, 2,644 men), and
results from it show that erectile
dysfunction was significantly higher
among men than among women.

Recent study

Accordion to a recent survey, 90% of people
don't notice when you replace words with names of musical instruments.

A scientific study

I recently read a scientific study that was performed to investigate the number of birds being found dead in North America.

The scientists collected the dead bodies to keep accurate amounts of the deceased birds.

After months of collection, the scientists realized that nearly every s...

Did you hear about the doctor who was studying ways of making people laugh?

He was known for his test tickles.

I just read a study that the hops in beer can irritate men's prostates

If anything in beer bothers your prostate you're consuming it the wrong way.

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Women who study abroad are considered "cultured" and "internationally minded"

I study a broad and suddenly I'm a "sex offender".

What do fraternity fish study in college?

Algae, bruh.

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Some worrying news for grammar Nazis, a new study shows...

that homophone misuse is at an awl thyme hi.

Why don't dolphins study philosophy?

Because it has a too deep meaning.

Why'd the male Jewish dog feel the need to study up on his Hebrew?

He was about to celebrate his bark mitzvah :3

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My wife is studying to become a massage therapist

All she wants to do is study and practice. I’ve got to cook, I’ve got to clean, it’s tough.

But I have to say, at the end of the day, it does feel nice to be kneaded

Me : what do you study? She : I'm science Student. Me : Can i ask a question? She : ask. Me : what is Newton's 3rd law?

She : Listen, im a science student not a law student.

What are people who study meteors called?

Weatherologist

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Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft.

The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. It concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.

After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. The...

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer

than the men who mention it.

Did you hear that Diana had to give up her lifelong dream of being a paleontologist because she developed a bad back from all the bending over to study bones?

Yeah, Diana sore.

Colleges are still offering study abroad courses...

...via Zoom meeting.

A guy asked a girl in a university library:

A guy asked a girl in a university library:
"Do you mind if I sit beside you?”

The girl replied with a loud voice:
"I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the ...

Why don't cats study German philosophers?

They Kant read

A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day.

As he arrived at classroom, he saw ten rods with platforms with ten birds on them. Each bird had a sack over its head; only the legs were showing. He sat straight in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the bir...

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A recent study showed that 60% of the time men iniated sex...

the other 40% of the time they begged for it!

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I know of a zoophile scientist who is studying human-dog sexual relationships.

He's always in his lab

I’ve been studying abroad for a few months now

I think I’m gonna finally ask her out

One night four college students were out partying late

One night four college students were out partying late night and didn’t study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.

In the morning, they thought of a plan. They made themselves look dirty with grease and dirt. Then they went to the teacher and said they had gone out to a weddi...

I've decided to study abroad,

and her name is Brittany!

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4 Friends missed their final for Chemistry because they partied too hard.

Four friends in college taking chem were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday), they decided to go up to UVirginia and party with some friends up there. So they did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and...

Why is it a waste to study history?

Because there is no future in it.

Why can't we study the change of velociraptors over time?

Because then it would be an acceloraptor

Jewish smoker is asking his Rabbi

Rabbi, is it alright if I smoke during study of Torah?

Rabbi: Absolutely not, out of question. Why would you even ask such ridiculous thing?

The Jewish smoker goes away ashamed, but since he is a pious addict he comes back later and asks Rabbi again.

Rabbi, is it alright if I st...

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Tom walks on the street

Tom walks on the street and sees an old friend in a hurry with his hands full of books.

"Hey Dave. Long time no see. Where are you going with all those books?"

"I just enrolled in a university and I'm going home to study."

"And what are you studying?"

"Logic"

"Logi...

My friend had a long life dream of studying carbonation in soda. After many years of schooling, he accomplished his dream...

...he became a licensed Fizzyologist.

Accordion to one study people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument

But I don’t believe that tuba true.

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Study suggests that a man does sex for a minimum 30 times a year.

Looks like it is going to be fun December for me.

Once upon a time, there was a pirate who never lost a battle...

He was so courageous. His strategy was simple, lead by example, as long as he was at the front of the battle his crew were motivated.

But he had a trick up his sleeve. A new crew member joins this pirate to study him as he is so fascinated by his victories.

First battle comes along, hi...

In a library a guy asked a girl if he could sit beside her.

To this the girl shouted her reply saying: I dont wanna sleep with you at night pervert. Embarrassed the guy went to sit somewhere else.
After a few minutes the girl quietly went to the guy and told: I study psychology and can understand human mind and behavior. You were embarrassed weren't you? ...

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My wife work remotely from our bedroom. My kids study remotely from their rooms. I work remotely from basement...

I just realized that I’m the only one who has to commute to work

A dermatologist was studying new remedies for itching, but his lab burnt down...

Now he has to start from scratch.

In college, I plan to study Food Science, specializing in carbonated beverages.

My dad always wanted me to become a fizzicist.

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A study has found that people who smoke cannabis have sex 20% more often than people who don't. I can confirm this is true.

I've been having a lot more sex since I got caught with all that weed and sent to prison.

I didn’t study for chemistry

My chem teacher once asked me what S was on the periodic table, and I didn’t know so I said “the element of Surprise,” apparently he was surprised with my answer.

I wanna be a fiction writer later in life.

So I'm studying journalism.

A man walks into a bar

A man walked into a bar with his dog and ordered a few drinks. At the end of the night, when he got the tab, he was astounded at the $50 check. He calls the bar tender over hoping to strike a deal. “Bartender, I only have 20 bucks I can’t pay for this drink. Let’s make a deal, if my dog can talk the...

Don't drink water while studying...

Why?

Because chemistry says that concentration decreases while adding water.

Note: My first attempt. Thanks.

A mathematician and a physicist were arguing over whose field of study was better.

A mathematician and a physicist were arguing over whose field of study was better. They decided to settle the argument by posing questions. The mathematician went first, and posed a complicated mathematical problem. With a great deal of effort, several books of mathematical tables and techniques,...

Two monks werewere discussing humility.

"I have been praying and fasting, meditating and studying religion for 20 years. I have finally reached the level of humility. I am truly a nothing." said one monk.

The other monk nodded gravely. "I too have spent my life devoted to serving God. I am also a nothing."

At that moment a j...

The problem with homeopathy...

There are way too many homeopaths out there. It would be a more effective field of study if homeopaths were thinned out a little, say 1 per 10 million people.

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Murder at 1600

A man calls home to tell his wife that he’ll be late because he will be in a meeting until late.

Ring ring..

Maid: Hello

Man: Hello this is John, can you please ask your Madam to talk to me right now?

Maid: uh Sir, unfortunately she can’t right now. Can i ask her to call...

Why did the headless man study in school?

Because he wanted to get ahead!

California scientists are studying the impact of cannabis seeds from the farms will have on the local seabird population

Apparently they are being thorough and are leaving no tern unstoned

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An American anthropologist is studying cultures throughout Western Africa.

He discovers an isolated civilization in the West African Jungle. It’s a small village with wooden houses and plenty of domesticated animals. The anthropologist is impressed by the organization of the village and becomes eager to learn more about the culture of it’s inhabitants.

He approa...

If a biologist studies biology and a nutritionist studies nutrition

Trump must be an expert at studying races.

Scientists were studying rams

They had three rams in their lab. Each ram had a leather collar, and attached to each collar was a tag identifying them as A, B and C.

One of the researchers brought a large gourd from the supply closet and placed it on the head of Ram A. Nothing happened. After five minutes he removed the g...

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onomastics, the study of names

Names like Johnson, Smithfield or Rodgers are fairly easy to explain.

I wonder how to explain the name: Dickinson

A study found that 97% of people prefer bananas with the skin on.

Without one, it just lacks appeal.

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The aliens studying Earth hold a conference. The keynote speaker stands, and after welcoming the attendees and the usual pleasantries, he begins, "Ladies and gentlebeings, for seventy of its years, we have studied this planet...

"As you know, our primary research method is to abduct a local sapient and probe its rectum. After these many years, and thousands or millions of rectal probes, we have definitively learned exactly one thing.

"One in six of them likes it."

"I'm an entomologist; I study words."

"You mean an etymologist?" "...I'm not very good at it..."

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[NSFW] A study just released shows that 84 percent of all people admit to masturbating regularly.

Scientists are very encouraged. The 16 percent rate of lying is the lowest they have ever measured.

Nobody rewarded me :(

I see people in the subreddit of ''GetMotivated'' writting stuff like ''I am a month free from alcohol'' or ''I am 3 months away from gambling'' and they get awards for doing that. Well I wrote there ''I am 3 months away from studying''. Nobody rewarded me. Thank you people of reddit!

A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents.

After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiance to his study for a drink.

"So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man.

"I am a scholar," he replies.

"A scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "Admirable, but wha...

A new study claims that fertility is hereditary.

If your parents didn't have children, chances are you won't have them either.

An engineer accidentally gave a medical school exam. See his answers:

1. Antibody - One who hates his body .

2. Artery - Study of Fine Paintings or military, not sure.

3. Bacteria - Back door of a Cafeteria .

4. Coma - Punctuation Mark .

5. Gall Bladder - Bladder of a Girl .

6. Genes - Blue Denim.

7. Labour Pain - Hurt at Work...

When I graduated high school, my parents enrolled me in medical research

It was a 4-year study of sleep deprivation and alcohol consumption.

Sure, they called it "college", but I knew otherwise.

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What's it called when someone is studying buttholes?

Analyzing.

You have to admire his hard work. Donald Trump stayed up the entire night studying.

But he still failed the COVID test.

My daughter didn't tell me she was studying a math degree

Must have been discreet math

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A spoon and a string

A man was eating in a restaurant and notice every waiter has a spoon in their pocket. The man asks one waiter and he says

We have it because there is a study that 7 out of 10 times it's the spoon that falls to the floor.

After the waiter says that a spoon falls to the floor and they ...

I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."

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After a two year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's ball-related recreational preferences:

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is basketball.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling.

3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is football.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball.

5. Th...

While I was studying in school

I came home very late one day. My mom asked me where was I. I told her that I was at friends place studying. Mom being mom she called 5 friends to confirm if I was saying the truth.

First two said: “he was here studying whole time”

Other two said:”he is here studying in front of me. D...

Given that the “logy” ending usually means the study of something such as in “paleontology”...

Do you think that the first analogy was discovered by a proctologist?

Gonna study hard , get a decent job , give my best at work so that I can buy a house with a

strong ceiling fan I can hang myself on.

A gynecologist is driving along one day...

...when his car starts spluttering. He takes it to a nearby mechanic who proceeds to spend 15 minutes under the hood finds and fixes the problem and proceeds to declare that the car is good to go. After receiving the bill the gynecologist is appalled, the mechanic makes far far far more money that h...

Which test can you pass without studying?

COVID-19 test.

A girl was studying French, and doing very well at it.

One day, she asked her teacher “Do you know anything about Spanish? For I know everything there is to know about French, and I need a new language.”

The teacher responded “What a sudden change! And why would you possibly ask me, your French teacher? This was completely unexpected!”

“No...

A recent study has shown that Marijuana smoking can cause hypersalivation in some people.

When asked what could be done about it, a doctor was quoted as saying “You can either spit, or get off the pot.”

I performed a scientific study the other day...

I was surprised by the results. With an alpha value less than .05, it was the first time anything I've done is significant!

A cosmetology student walks into a bar and orders a beer

A cosmetology student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "It's almost the end of the school year," the bartender notes. "You must be busy studying for finals." "Oh, we don't actually have finals in cosmetology school," the student replies. "We just have makeup exams."

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The Americans and The Japanese

The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced rowing hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day the Japanese won by a mile.

The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that th...

Controversial new study in Brazil may have unlocked the key to immortality in frogs

A veterinary surgeon has successfully removed the vocal cords of a green tree frog.

He can no longer croak....

An elementary school teacher told her students to each draw a picture of African wildlife that they had been studying.

After they all completed the assignment, she went around to each student asking them to comment on what they had drawn. When she got to Johnny she noticed that all he had was a white piece of paper with some tall grass in brown crayon at the bottom, a line of blue crayon at the top for the sky and ...

Boys will be Boys

I reached home late and dad asked me: "Where were you?"
Me:"Was in friend's house."
In front of me, dad called 10 of my friends.
4 of them said: "Yes, uncle he was here".
2 said: " he just left, uncle".
3 of them said: "he is here only uncle, studying. Shall I give him the phone?"
...

Did you hear about my friend from Australia studying abroad in Korea?

I guess you could say he’s my Seoul mate.

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I was studying about human digestion, assimilation and it's product.

It's all shit

I didn't study for my blood test.

Still, I got an "A".

Why do onions lock their doors when they study?

To make sure they're onionterrupted.

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And old english gentleman is sitting in his study.

Suddenly his buttler crashes in through the door and screams "SIR! We are flooding! There's water everywhere..."

"James! This is most irregular. Please leave and come in again with the dignity that is inherent to English gentlemen!"

The buttler bows himself out and then comes in agai...

Ah,school stuff

Teacher: Do you know the answer to question *B*?
Student: No.
Teacher: You need to spend more time studying.
Student: Well, do you know Sophie?
Teacher: No, why?
Student: **You need to spend more time with your husband.**

Why did the student go to a brothel?

He was told to study abroad

A New Scientific Study on Vaccines

A new scientific study came out recently proving a correlation between vaccines and adults with autism.
The reason given to this correlation was the children without vaccines died before becoming adults

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Boy: Grandpa, what are you studying .. ???

Grandpa: History, Son.

Boy: Grandpa, why are you lying ? ... This seems to be a book on sex

Grandpa: Son, for me, this is history now.

I wanted to study nihilism...

but meh, what's the point?

Breaking news! A group of ornithologists have recently published a study concerning the primary cause of death among Swallows:

Apparently, they don’t chew their food.

I failed my Shakespeare test because I forgot to study and I used the wrong pencil.

I couldn't tell whether it was 2B or not 2B.

Where do college going tweekers go to study at?

The meth club.

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