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A recent study has found that beer contains female hormones.

A test group of 100 male volunteers each consumed six pints of beer, and the effect was that they all talked endlessly about nothing and couldn't drive for shit.

New scientific study claims that fertility is

Heriditary. If your parents didn't have any children, there's a 100% chance you won't either.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] A study just released shows that 84 percent of all people admit to masturbating regularly.

Scientists are very encouraged. The 16 percent rate of lying is the lowest they have ever measured.

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A girl was going to study for her AP exams... [long]

A girl was starting to study for her AP exams, and her parents bought her a new calculator to help her out. The next day, she took the calculator in to class and started using it. The moment she started hitting the keys, she heard a guitar playing country music. Startled, she stopped and put it bac...

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Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft...

...The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. T...

Recent study shows insanity is hereditary

you get it from your kids

A new study has found that 98% of vehicular collisions with crows in Boston involve trucks and other large vehicles

Apparently they can all yell “cah, cah,” but not “bus, bus.”

A recent study has shown that almost 92% of anti-vaxers are republican.

guess that problem solves itself.

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A new study shows that unvaccinated children are shown to have lower rates of autism than vaccinated children.

Because a dead two year old can't be fucking diagnosed with autism.

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Several researchers began a study on linguistics,

Relating to common speech patterns.

The scientists running the study gathered up 10 average people, to take notes and research how the spoke in every day Life.

All the participants we're fitted with microphones that they were to wear around, so their vernacular could be recorded and ...

Recent study shows leading cause of dehydration in children:

Bedtime.

How do the French study the skeleton?

They take your Bonaparte.

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Penis study

For whatever reason, Saudi Arabia decided to fund a study to find out why the penis had the shape it does. Specifically the larger head at the end. After a significant investment and several months, Saudi Arabia conclude that it was to enhance the mans pleasure.

Due to ongoing tensions, Canad...

I don't understand why we study circles in geometry.

They're pointless.

How do you study for a prostate exam?

Cram hard.

New study shows bodies found from the Bermuda Triangle all died from heat exhaustion...

...everyone knows its 180 degrees inside a triangle, I don't know why people even bother traveling through it.

Why did the farmer study Microsoft office outside his house?

So he could excel in his field.

As an Australian student coming to America to study, I found it hard to get through customs...

"G'day, I'm here to study at uni."

"Which university are you going to, son?

"Yale, mate"

"I SAID WHICH UNIVERSITY ARE YOU GOING TO, SON?!?!"

A teacher got fed up with a student for procrastinating so she presented him with a study showing how putting things off can be harmful.

He responded “Thanks. I’ll read it tomorrow”

Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person's walk...

And the result was staggering.

Why does the socialist study for his exams?

To get good Marx.

I went to college to study foreign affairs

And now I know how to cheat on my wife with a russian beauty!

Study reveals a fifth of parents regret how they named their children.

Then Study goes directly to bed because I'm raising him to be an early riser.

A recent study shows that 6 out of 7 persons affected with dwarfism are not happy.

They are grumpy, sleepy, dopey, bashful, sneezy and doc.

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A recent study shows that 9/10 men prefer women with big boobs.

I think the 10th one prefers the other 9.

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A recent study shows people with trace amounts of Arsenic, Selenium, Astatine, and Erbium have the longest lasting relationships

The best couples always have an AsSeAtEr

A student comes to a young professor's office hours...

She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "I would do... anything."

He returns her gaze. "Anything?"

"Anything."...

What do you call the formal study of pasta?

Linguinistics.

I'll show myself out.

Study finds that the most popular fetish among Millennial is...

Role playing as a couple that owns a house.

I deal with my personal problems the same way study for tests...

I don’t.

Hey mom! I'm working on Chemistry and History.

I'm studying manifest density!

Is biology the study of living organisms...

Or just two ology's..

New study shows that 4*20+10+7 percent of French people are unhappy with the French counting system.

​

Study tip: Don't drink water while studying

Because water decreases concentration.

A new study just showed that reddit is one of the most environmentally friendly websites.

Everything they promote is recycled garbage.

A study has shown 90% of women aren’t interested in men that wear pink shirts.

Ironically, 90% of men that wear pink shirts aren’t interested in women.

A guy asked a girl in a library, “Do you mind if I sit by you?”

The girl answered with a loud voice, “I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOUUUU!!!!!!

All the students in the library looked up at the guy and he was embarrassed. The girl whispered to him; “I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking. You’re embarrassed, right?”

The guy res...

A scientist is at a panel, discussing the results of his latest study.

He mentions, "You know, without the right context, my findings are absolutely meaningless."

Later on the news...

"On the headlines today, a world-renowned scientist has claimed his findings are absolutely meaningless."

Accordion to a study done by Stanford University, 9 out 10 people don’t notice when words are substituted for music instruments

hehe

What's the singular of "Women's Studies?"

Study abroad.

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A researcher was conducting a study on the effects of gore across various cultures

He selected an American, a European, and a Japanese man. To see the reactions of these people, he used a picture of a man with his toes freshly amputated.

The American man seemed a bit squeamish when presented with the picture, but otherwise he was okay.

The European man wrinkled his f...

A recent study found .....

........ that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!

A study conducted in the United States showed that:

1. The popular sport of the urban population is basketball

2. Favourite sport of maintenance people is bowling

3. The favourite sport of the average staff is football

4. The favourite sport of senior staff is baseball

5. The favourite sport of directors is tennis

6...

Where does a comedian study?

Ha ha ha ha haha ha-Harvard

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A recent study shows that Samsung smartphones are now the most popular hand held device in the world.

For the first time, penis has slipped to Number 2.

After reading a recent study that found that the negative effects of alcohol greatly outweigh the benefits, I’ve decided it’s time for a change in my life.

I’ve decided to give up recent studies.

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New body image study shows women with large breast are generally more successful

Than men with large breasts.

A new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...

I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

A mother is helping her son study for a geography test.

She asks him: "What is the capital of Germany?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"What is the capital of France?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"What is the capital of Russia?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"Good job, Adolf, you'll do great on your test tomorrow."

Bible study

Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.

“Correct,” says the teacher....

Breaking News: Study finds that the average man says 10,000 words a day, while women say 20,000.

Woman: That’s because we have to repeat everything we say!

Man: What?

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According to a recent medical study, masturbation helps to ease congestion.

The traffic cops on my afternoon commute did not agree, however.

A recent study found that couples who have a lisp are much less likely to get divorced.

But they are much more likely to get divorthed.

I feel like the world really missed an opportunity by calling people that study the sky astronomers

They should’ve called them skyentists.

Is Theology the study of people named Theo?

That's actually the whole thing sorry.

Dad joke but it's mine.

Edit 1: at the request of a punchline

"I was just Theorizing"

Edit 2: Aww now you guys are just being kind.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A recent scientific study revealed that women found different male attributes attractive depending on where they were in their menstrual cycle.

For example, a woman ovulating found men with rugged masculine features most attractive.
Whereas a woman menstruating preferred men doused in petrol, set on fire with scissors stuck in his eyes, an axe in his skull and a javelin stuck up his arse.

Did you hear about the study done about boat docks?

It was pier-reviewed research!

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Study on Prostitutes

Studies show that prostitutes have higher levels of oxytocin than the average person.

Oxytocin is known to increase erotic vocalizations during sex. Scientists believe that this may be an adaptation to help with pleasing their clients.

It's a very powerful whore-moan.

A study shows that jump scares are becoming less and less popular.

Well, I'm not surprised.

A new study found that an overwhelming majority of architects are seeing psychiatrists

Most being diagnosed with an edifice complex.

My brother ran away from home to study mime.

We never heard from him again.

My wife is an equestrian and she uses the money she earns to pay for me to go to University and study Philosophy. One night she asked me to help out around the stable and I told her I would but only after I finished my readings.

She accused me of putting Descartes before the horse.

One of the kids I’m tutoring told me this joke today: What maths subject do fish study?

Algaebra

I just realized that never is a contraction of 'not ever'.

And blush is a contraction of 'blood rush'.
And studying is a contraction of 'student dying'.

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test ...

... and asked his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car" The boy thought about that for a moment,...

There was a study on Crows done in the UK....

As we all know, crows are very smart animals. They've learned that if they drop a nut into traffic, cars will run over it and break it open. This is usually performed by 2 crows; one to do the dropping and retrieving, and the second to signal no the first one when traffic is clear and it's safe to g...

I was part of a scientific study on the calming effects of listening to the Three Tenors.

I felt great, but was in the control group. It turns out I was listening to Placebo Domingo.

A new study shows that dolphins are second in intelligence to man...

Guess that puts women in third.

According to a recent study, being married is the fourth best thing that could happen to a man.

The first three, in order: being single, being a widower, being dead.

A recent study concluded that oreos are as addictive as cocaine.

In a more recent study, I found out that cocaine doesn't actually taste better dipped in milk.

Recent study shows Asian Americans aren't voting.

They are all at the doctor because erections aren't supposed to last more than 4 hours.

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A crusty old man walks into the local Lutheran Church and says to the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church." And with that said, the secretary lea...

A newly released scientific study has found that pregnant women who use vibrators, are 90% more likely to have a child...

...that stutters.

(dad joke) A Dad was helping his daughter study for her drivers permit test.

Dad: What do you when the light is green?

Daughter: Go.

Dad: What do you do when the light is red?

Daughter: Stop.

Dad: What do you do when the light is yellow?

Daughter: Slow down

Dad: **WWHHHAAATTTT DDOOOO YOUUUUU DOOOO WHEEEENNNN THEEEEE LIIIIIIIIGHTTT ...