A white scientist is studying a tribe in Africa

A white scientist is studying an African tribe.

One day, the tribe leaders wife has a white son.

The tribe leader approaches the scientist soon after.

"Well, we both know what happened here. No one else could have done it. You slept with my wife, I have to kill you." The tribe l...

A new study says humans eat bananas more than monkeys.

I believe it. I know lots of people who eat bananas and none who eat monkeys.

Recent study

Accordion to a recent survey, 90% of people
don't notice when you replace words with names of musical instruments.

Why'd the male Jewish dog feel the need to study up on his Hebrew?

He was about to celebrate his bark mitzvah :3

A maid decided it was time to demand a raise, so she went directly to the Lady of the house's private study

Maid: "I'd like a raise."

Mrs. Smith:"Why do you think you deserve a raise?

Maid:"Three reasons. First, I can cook better than you."

Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"

Maid:"Your husband. Second, I clean better than you."

Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"

Maid:"Y...

What are people who study meteors called?

Weatherologist

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Some worrying news for grammar Nazis, a new study shows...

that homophone misuse is at an awl thyme hi.

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My wife is studying to become a massage therapist

All she wants to do is study and practice. I’ve got to cook, I’ve got to clean, it’s tough.

But I have to say, at the end of the day, it does feel nice to be kneaded

Me : what do you study? She : I'm science Student. Me : Can i ask a question? She : ask. Me : what is Newton's 3rd law?

She : Listen, im a science student not a law student.

Did you hear that Diana had to give up her lifelong dream of being a paleontologist because she developed a bad back from all the bending over to study bones?

Yeah, Diana sore.

Colleges are still offering study abroad courses...

...via Zoom meeting.

Why don't cats study German philosophers?

They Kant read

Where do Brain Surgeon Students go to study?

The Hippocampus

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer

than the men who mention it.

I’m doing a study with hospitalized children to see if laughter really is the best medicine. So I came to Reddit, because I just knew there would be people here who could tell the children some jokes ...

... that could serve as a placebo for the control group

Why is it a waste to study history?

Because there is no future in it.

I’ve been studying abroad for a few months now

I think I’m gonna finally ask her out

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A recent study showed that 60% of the time men iniated sex...

the other 40% of the time they begged for it!

A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day.

As he arrived at classroom, he saw ten rods with platforms with ten birds on them. Each bird had a sack over its head; only the legs were showing. He sat straight in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the bir...

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I know of a zoophile scientist who is studying human-dog sexual relationships.

He's always in his lab

I've decided to study abroad,

and her name is Brittany!

Why can't we study the change of velociraptors over time?

Because then it would be an acceloraptor

My friend had a long life dream of studying carbonation in soda. After many years of schooling, he accomplished his dream...

...he became a licensed Fizzyologist.

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Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft.

The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. It concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.

After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. The...

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Study suggests that a man does sex for a minimum 30 times a year.

Looks like it is going to be fun December for me.

I didn’t study for chemistry

My chem teacher once asked me what S was on the periodic table, and I didn’t know so I said “the element of Surprise,” apparently he was surprised with my answer.

A collaborative study titled "Feed the World" about the awareness of wintertime rituals in developing countries has been published...

by D. Oothey, K. Nowitz, Chris Mas, T. Ime et al.

Accordion to one study people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument

But I don’t believe that tuba true.

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A study has found that people who smoke cannabis have sex 20% more often than people who don't. I can confirm this is true.

I've been having a lot more sex since I got caught with all that weed and sent to prison.

A dermatologist was studying new remedies for itching, but his lab burnt down...

Now he has to start from scratch.

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My wife work remotely from our bedroom. My kids study remotely from their rooms. I work remotely from basement...

I just realized that I’m the only one who has to commute to work

In college, I plan to study Food Science, specializing in carbonated beverages.

My dad always wanted me to become a fizzicist.

California scientists are studying the impact of cannabis seeds from the farms will have on the local seabird population

Apparently they are being thorough and are leaving no tern unstoned

Why did the headless man study in school?

Because he wanted to get ahead!

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An American anthropologist is studying cultures throughout Western Africa.

He discovers an isolated civilization in the West African Jungle. It’s a small village with wooden houses and plenty of domesticated animals. The anthropologist is impressed by the organization of the village and becomes eager to learn more about the culture of it’s inhabitants.

He approa...

Scientists were studying rams

They had three rams in their lab. Each ram had a leather collar, and attached to each collar was a tag identifying them as A, B and C.

One of the researchers brought a large gourd from the supply closet and placed it on the head of Ram A. Nothing happened. After five minutes he removed the g...

A mathematician and a physicist were arguing over whose field of study was better.

A mathematician and a physicist were arguing over whose field of study was better. They decided to settle the argument by posing questions. The mathematician went first, and posed a complicated mathematical problem. With a great deal of effort, several books of mathematical tables and techniques,...

Don't drink water while studying...

Why?

Because chemistry says that concentration decreases while adding water.

Note: My first attempt. Thanks.

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The aliens studying Earth hold a conference. The keynote speaker stands, and after welcoming the attendees and the usual pleasantries, he begins, "Ladies and gentlebeings, for seventy of its years, we have studied this planet...

"As you know, our primary research method is to abduct a local sapient and probe its rectum. After these many years, and thousands or millions of rectal probes, we have definitively learned exactly one thing.

"One in six of them likes it."

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onomastics, the study of names

Names like Johnson, Smithfield or Rodgers are fairly easy to explain.

I wonder how to explain the name: Dickinson

"I'm an entomologist; I study words."

"You mean an etymologist?" "...I'm not very good at it..."

A study found that 97% of people prefer bananas with the skin on.

Without one, it just lacks appeal.

People keep telling me to chase my dreams

Why would I run toward a math test I didn't study for when I'm naked?

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The Americans and The Japanese

The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced rowing hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day the Japanese won by a mile.

The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that th...

I was so excited when my son left for college to become a clockmaker...

...Until he dropped out after a semester. Turns out, he thought studying Horology was something completely different.

A new study claims that fertility is hereditary.

If your parents didn't have children, chances are you won't have them either.

Imagine a group of scientists have forcibly tied you down and begun extracting thoughts directly from your brain for study. How should you react in this situation?

Don’t stress too much. It’s just a thought experiment.

A guy asked a girl in a university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?" The girl replied with a loud voice: "NO! I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" All the students in the library started looking at the guy; he was pretty embarrassed. After a while the girl walked quietly over to the

guy's table and said: "I study psychology, I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?" The guy then responded with a loud voice: "$1000 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT'S TOO MUCH!" All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy whispered "I guess you felt bad for wha...

My daughter didn't tell me she was studying a math degree

Must have been discreet math

Given that the “logy” ending usually means the study of something such as in “paleontology”...

Do you think that the first analogy was discovered by a proctologist?

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What's it called when someone is studying buttholes?

Analyzing.

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After a two year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's ball-related recreational preferences:

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is basketball.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling.

3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is football.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball.

5. Th...

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Little Johnny was sent home early from school one day.

His Dad seeing him walk into the house was visibly confused and asked Little Johnny why he was sent home.


"I failed my math test" he told his Dad.


"How!? We been studying all week for that stupid thing!" his dad replied angerly.


"First the teacher asked me 'What is ...

Gonna study hard , get a decent job , give my best at work so that I can buy a house with a

strong ceiling fan I can hang myself on.

A girl was studying French, and doing very well at it.

One day, she asked her teacher “Do you know anything about Spanish? For I know everything there is to know about French, and I need a new language.”

The teacher responded “What a sudden change! And why would you possibly ask me, your French teacher? This was completely unexpected!”

“No...

While I was studying in school

I came home very late one day. My mom asked me where was I. I told her that I was at friends place studying. Mom being mom she called 5 friends to confirm if I was saying the truth.

First two said: “he was here studying whole time”

Other two said:”he is here studying in front of me. D...

Controversial new study in Brazil may have unlocked the key to immortality in frogs

A veterinary surgeon has successfully removed the vocal cords of a green tree frog.

He can no longer croak....

Which test can you pass without studying?

COVID-19 test.

An elementary school teacher told her students to each draw a picture of African wildlife that they had been studying.

After they all completed the assignment, she went around to each student asking them to comment on what they had drawn. When she got to Johnny she noticed that all he had was a white piece of paper with some tall grass in brown crayon at the bottom, a line of blue crayon at the top for the sky and ...

A recent study has shown that Marijuana smoking can cause hypersalivation in some people.

When asked what could be done about it, a doctor was quoted as saying “You can either spit, or get off the pot.”

A New Strain Spreading Faster Than COVID

Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.

Scientists warn that a virulent strain of humans are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving researchers at a...

A man becomes a monk..

A man becomes a monk at an abbey that requires him to work, study, and contemplate. He is allowed to speak only two words every ten years, so that they be the most consice and profound.

After the first ten years he goes through his first ceremony. He walks past the other lined disciples, knee...

Did you hear about my friend from Australia studying abroad in Korea?

I guess you could say he’s my Seoul mate.

German philosophy professor arrive to Australia

Professor: Today we'll study Kant

Student: Ok, mate, so what we will study?

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I was studying about human digestion, assimilation and it's product.

It's all shit

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[NSFW] A study just released shows that 84 percent of all people admit to masturbating regularly.

Scientists are very encouraged. The 16 percent rate of lying is the lowest they have ever measured.

Why do onions lock their doors when they study?

To make sure they're onionterrupted.

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A woman was having an affair While her husband was at work.

One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway. “Oh My God – Hurry! Grab your clothes,” she yelled to her lover. “And jump out the window. My husband’s home early!”

“I can’t jump out the window!” came the strangled reply from ...

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Customer satisfaction

Don't think I've seen this posted here so here goes

A company executive decided to have lunch at this restaurant with rave reviews. He sat down at a table and noticed that every waiter had a spoon in their shirt pocket. He called a waiter over to ask him about this.

'I noticed somethin...

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Boy: Grandpa, what are you studying .. ???

Grandpa: History, Son.

Boy: Grandpa, why are you lying ? ... This seems to be a book on sex

Grandpa: Son, for me, this is history now.

I didn't study for my blood test.

Still, I got an "A".

I got an A for a test and didn't even study.

My parents both got a B for the test but I don't know how, there wasn't even a single question in that blood test.

This one is a bit of a long one so just bear with me. It is a joke commonly said among post soviet people

Stalin sits at his usual table, in the glorius kremlin studying the map of eastern germany. His pencil sitting proudly beside him. Comrade Stalin looks away for a split second, and the pencil is gone! Stalin takes out a second pencil and places it on the table. Looks the other way again and the seco...

A New Scientific Study on Vaccines

A new scientific study came out recently proving a correlation between vaccines and adults with autism.
The reason given to this correlation was the children without vaccines died before becoming adults

An engineer accidentally gave a medical school exam

See his answers.

1. Antibody - One who hates his body .

2. Artery - Study of Fine Paintings or military, not sure.

3. Bacteria - Back door of a Cafeteria .

4. Coma - Punctuation Mark .

5. Gall Bladder - Bladder of a Girl .

6. Genes - Blue Denim.

7. L...

Where do college going tweekers go to study at?

The meth club.

I'm currently studying the Ancient Greeks.

I'm sitting in an elderly home at Athens.

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Marine Biologist

My uncle is a marine biologist who grew up in Kansas. He moved to Los Angeles for grad school and never left. His first real job was as a lab tech at USC, where he spent several years before stumbling into a part-time instructor job, which he finally parlayed into a tenured faculty position. The wor...

I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."

I wanted to study nihilism...

but meh, what's the point?

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And old english gentleman is sitting in his study.

Suddenly his buttler crashes in through the door and screams "SIR! We are flooding! There's water everywhere..."

"James! This is most irregular. Please leave and come in again with the dignity that is inherent to English gentlemen!"

The buttler bows himself out and then comes in agai...

In college, I took a year to study abroad.

It was fun until I got caught...
Apparently it's called "stalking"

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Guy goes to his doctor who runs some tests and comes back "I'm afraid you have cancer and you only have 6 months to live"

The guy asks "are you sure? Is there anything I can do?

The doctor says "We've run all the tests twice and we're quite certain. However, you might want to go over to UC Berkeley and enroll in Professor Hoffman's CS357 computer science class."

This guy is puzzled "Will that help me li...

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Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill

and cook a venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic....and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. Th...

A farmer who knows a little bit of english wants his son to study at an english school.

One day he takes his son to a local english school for admission. A teacher gives him a form to fill in.He goes on filling the form and despite his bad english he manages to fill all the informations correctly. The last thing asked was to provide his son's
mother tongue. He fills with confidence...

An unethical young scientist finds a frog on the side of the road



He takes it in for studying and sets it on his desk. The scientist prods the frog and tells it to jump. The frog leaps an astonishing 3 feet 8 inches into the air.

The scientist takes one leg off the frog, and then pokes it again, yelling "Jump". The Frog needs no further telling and ...

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Future historians will have difficulties studying about our pornstars

because we delete them from our history.

I failed my Shakespeare test because I forgot to study and I used the wrong pencil.

I couldn't tell whether it was 2B or not 2B.

I have been studying Russian with my friends and i realized we change b's into v's in the accent

My friends ask me if i still want to study russian and i said "If being russian makes my b's into v's then soviet."
I was shot down by the FBI the next day.

A study of different American’s choice of sport

Now this is profound:

It is very interesting looking over data of different socioeconomic groups in America and the different types of recreation they partake in, and what it means about them as a group.

Poor people tend to play basketball.

Working Class tend to play football<...

There was a study to show the effectiveness of jackhammers.

It was ground-breaking.

A study shows 90% of people couldn’t distinguish between the epididymis and the perineal membrane

But trust me, there’s a vas deferens between the two

Why did the neurologist go to an African animal university?

He wanted to study the hippocampus.

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Car or Haircut

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and enquired of his father, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car."
Well, t...

What do you call a pig who study's law and does karate?

A pork chop suey.

A college student writes a letter to his parents back home.

Dear Mom and Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. My profe$$or$ are al$o $uper cool! With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Mi$$ you guy$!
<...

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After studying sexual energy, I decided to try semen retention.

After just one week, my wife had to empty the fridge.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

It's true. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

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