A girl goes into her father's study, "Daddy, why am I named rose?"

"Because the day you were born a rose petal blew through the window and landed on your cheek."

Satisfied the girl walks out as her sister walks in. "Daddy, why am I named Lily?"

"Because the day you were born a lily petal blew through the window and landed on your cheek."

Satisf...

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New study purports that most women are bi-sexual

They become sexually aroused after you buy them something.

A study revealed married men die on average 7 years before their wives. Do you know why?

Because we want to

A study done by me shows that 74% of people are bad at mathematics.

Fortunately, I'm in the remaining 34%.

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A recent study has found that beer contains female hormones.

A test group of 100 male volunteers each consumed six pints of beer, and the effect was that they all talked endlessly about nothing and couldn't drive for shit.

A recent study shows that a weird side effect of doing too much cocaine is really glossy skin.

Scientists are calling it the Charlie Sheen.

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A recent study shows that 60% of people use their cellphones to cheat on their partners.

The remaining 40% prefer to use their penis.

A new study found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

Which makes sense, because I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

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What does a person study to design sex toys?

Graphic design.


NB: This is the first joke I ever come up with

The day I read the study that says drinking coffee will kill me is the day I stop

reading.

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[NSFW] A study just released shows that 84 percent of all people admit to masturbating regularly.

Scientists are very encouraged. The 16 percent rate of lying is the lowest they have ever measured.

I study whole day / Night but got b+ , whereas my friend goes to party , spend times on games and movies, still got A+ .....

On blood test report..

A college professor was very worried about his recent study on earthquakes.

It turns out his findings were on shaky ground.

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A girl was going to study for her AP exams... [long]

A girl was starting to study for her AP exams, and her parents bought her a new calculator to help her out. The next day, she took the calculator in to class and started using it. The moment she started hitting the keys, she heard a guitar playing country music. Startled, she stopped and put it bac...

I went to study under a pickup artist.

Still no luck with women, but my truck looks great.

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20-Year double-blind university study in Sweden on the effects of diet on sex drive

Have you heard about this new study?

Researchers in Sweden tracked 2,000 couples from the moment they first started dating out to twenty (20) years forward.

Obviously, most of the couples ended up getting divorced, but their behavior and health was still tracked throughout the study....

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A recent study shows that masturbation is twice as effective as sex when it comes to stress relief.

One in hand is worth two in the bush.

New scientific study claims that fertility is

Heriditary. If your parents didn't have any children, there's a 100% chance you won't either.

Recent study shows sleeping is bad for you

Stay woke

Have you heard about that new study on constipation?

It hasn’t come out yet.

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Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft...

...The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. T...

Why do I not study theology?

Because narcissism isn't cool

How do the French study the skeleton?

They take your Bonaparte.

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Groundbreaking Study

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is...

Recent study shows leading cause of dehydration in children:

Bedtime.

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A new study shows that unvaccinated children are shown to have lower rates of autism than vaccinated children.

Because a dead two year old can't be fucking diagnosed with autism.

Recent study shows insanity is hereditary

you get it from your kids

A new study has found that 98% of vehicular collisions with crows in Boston involve trucks and other large vehicles

Apparently they can all yell “cah, cah,” but not “bus, bus.”

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Penis study

For whatever reason, Saudi Arabia decided to fund a study to find out why the penis had the shape it does. Specifically the larger head at the end. After a significant investment and several months, Saudi Arabia conclude that it was to enhance the mans pleasure.

Due to ongoing tensions, Canad...

I don't understand why we study circles in geometry.

They're pointless.

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Several researchers began a study on linguistics,

Relating to common speech patterns.

The scientists running the study gathered up 10 average people, to take notes and research how the spoke in every day Life.

All the participants we're fitted with microphones that they were to wear around, so their vernacular could be recorded and ...

New study shows bodies found from the Bermuda Triangle all died from heat exhaustion...

...everyone knows its 180 degrees inside a triangle, I don't know why people even bother traveling through it.

A recent study has shown that almost 92% of anti-vaxers are republican.

guess that problem solves itself.

Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person's walk...

And the result was staggering.

Why did the farmer study Microsoft office outside his house?

So he could excel in his field.

A teacher got fed up with a student for procrastinating so she presented him with a study showing how putting things off can be harmful.

He responded “Thanks. I’ll read it tomorrow”

How do you study for a prostate exam?

Cram hard.

What do you call the formal study of pasta?

Linguinistics.

I'll show myself out.

A recent study shows that 6 out of 7 persons affected with dwarfism are not happy.

They are grumpy, sleepy, dopey, bashful, sneezy and doc.

A student comes to a young professor's office hours...

She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "I would do... anything."

He returns her gaze. "Anything?"

"Anything."...

Why does the socialist study for his exams?

To get good Marx.

As an Australian student coming to America to study, I found it hard to get through customs...

"G'day, I'm here to study at uni."

"Which university are you going to, son?

"Yale, mate"

"I SAID WHICH UNIVERSITY ARE YOU GOING TO, SON?!?!"

I went to college to study foreign affairs

And now I know how to cheat on my wife with a russian beauty!

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A recent study shows people with trace amounts of Arsenic, Selenium, Astatine, and Erbium have the longest lasting relationships

The best couples always have an AsSeAtEr

Study tip: Don't drink water while studying

Because water decreases concentration.

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A recent study shows that 9/10 men prefer women with big boobs.

I think the 10th one prefers the other 9.

Study reveals a fifth of parents regret how they named their children.

Then Study goes directly to bed because I'm raising him to be an early riser.

Study finds that the most popular fetish among Millennial is...

Role playing as a couple that owns a house.

A mother is helping her son study for a geography test.

She asks him: "What is the capital of Germany?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"What is the capital of France?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"What is the capital of Russia?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"Good job, Adolf, you'll do great on your test tomorrow."

New study shows that 4*20+10+7 percent of French people are unhappy with the French counting system.

​

A guy asked a girl in a library, “Do you mind if I sit by you?”

The girl answered with a loud voice, “I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOUUUU!!!!!!

All the students in the library looked up at the guy and he was embarrassed. The girl whispered to him; “I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking. You’re embarrassed, right?”

The guy res...

What's the singular of "Women's Studies?"

Study abroad.

I deal with my personal problems the same way study for tests...

I don’t.

A new study just showed that reddit is one of the most environmentally friendly websites.

Everything they promote is recycled garbage.

Accordion to a study done by Stanford University, 9 out 10 people don’t notice when words are substituted for music instruments

hehe

Is biology the study of living organisms...

Or just two ology's..

A study has shown 90% of women aren’t interested in men that wear pink shirts.

Ironically, 90% of men that wear pink shirts aren’t interested in women.

A recent study found .....

........ that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!

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A researcher was conducting a study on the effects of gore across various cultures

He selected an American, a European, and a Japanese man. To see the reactions of these people, he used a picture of a man with his toes freshly amputated.

The American man seemed a bit squeamish when presented with the picture, but otherwise he was okay.

The European man wrinkled his f...

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A recent study shows that Samsung smartphones are now the most popular hand held device in the world.

For the first time, penis has slipped to Number 2.

Where does a comedian study?

Ha ha ha ha haha ha-Harvard

Bible study

Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.

“Correct,” says the teacher....

A study conducted in the United States showed that:

1. The popular sport of the urban population is basketball

2. Favourite sport of maintenance people is bowling

3. The favourite sport of the average staff is football

4. The favourite sport of senior staff is baseball

5. The favourite sport of directors is tennis

6...

After reading a recent study that found that the negative effects of alcohol greatly outweigh the benefits, I’ve decided it’s time for a change in my life.

I’ve decided to give up recent studies.

Breaking News: Study finds that the average man says 10,000 words a day, while women say 20,000.

Woman: That’s because we have to repeat everything we say!

Man: What?

Is Theology the study of people named Theo?

That's actually the whole thing sorry.

Dad joke but it's mine.

Edit 1: at the request of a punchline

"I was just Theorizing"

Edit 2: Aww now you guys are just being kind.

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New body image study shows women with large breast are generally more successful

Than men with large breasts.

I feel like the world really missed an opportunity by calling people that study the sky astronomers

They should’ve called them skyentists.

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A recent scientific study revealed that women found different male attributes attractive depending on where they were in their menstrual cycle.

For example, a woman ovulating found men with rugged masculine features most attractive.
Whereas a woman menstruating preferred men doused in petrol, set on fire with scissors stuck in his eyes, an axe in his skull and a javelin stuck up his arse.

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According to a recent medical study, masturbation helps to ease congestion.

The traffic cops on my afternoon commute did not agree, however.

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