The 94+ Best Study Jokes

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer

than the men who mention it.

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"This term," said the English teacher, "we will be studying 'The Canterbury Tales' "

"But," she added, "to anticipate a question I get every year -- this will not include *The Nun's Priest's Tale*"

"Why not?" asked one of the pupils. The teacher's features shaped themselves into an expression of sour disapproval.

"Because," she answered, "*The Nun's Priest's Tale* is l...

A white scientist is studying a tribe in Africa

A white scientist is studying an African tribe.

One day, the tribe leaders wife has a white son.

The tribe leader approaches the scientist soon after.

"Well, we both know what happened here. No one else could have done it. You slept with my wife, I have to kill you." The tribe l...

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[NSFW] A study just released shows that 84 percent of all people admit to masturbating regularly.

Scientists are very encouraged. The 16 percent rate of lying is the lowest they have ever measured.

My son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

He considered this for a moment and replied: “When Abe Lincoln was your age he was The President of the United States.”

A mother is helping her son study for a geography test.

She asks him: "What is the capital of Germany?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"What is the capital of France?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"What is the capital of Russia?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"Good job, Adolf, you'll do great on your test tomorrow."

The Fremen just concluded a longterm study on the best ways to walk without rhythm.

The results were staggering!

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Being a teenager is the worst. I've jerked off more than I've studied.

Which is ironic. One of then requires you to clear up space, look up the material, make sure theres no distractions around you and focus.

....and the other ones studying.

An Arab student studying in Germany wrote a letter to his dad

Dear Dad,

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.

Your son, Nasser.

The next day, Nasser gets a reply to hi...

After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting...

"Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!"

Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time"

Accordion to a recent study...

Replacing words with the names of musical instruments often goes undetected,

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Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft.

The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. It concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.

After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. The...

Why did the horse want to study genetics

Because he liked DN-neigh

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Recent study has revealed that masturbation might help curing the common cold.

Well I hope it is true because I haven't got any more tissues left..

Albert Einstein was a genius and worthy of praise and study.

His brother Frank was an absolute monster.

A maid decided it was time to demand a raise, so she went directly to the Lady of the house's private study

Maid: "I'd like a raise."

Mrs. Smith:"Why do you think you deserve a raise?

Maid:"Three reasons. First, I can cook better than you."

Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"

Maid:"Your husband. Second, I clean better than you."

Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"

Maid:"Y...

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There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses, the results were pretty interesting...

30% of women think their ass is too fat,

10% of women think their ass is too skinny,

The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he is a good man, and wouldn't trade him for the world.

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A new study has shown 85% of men masturbate daily.

Coincidentally, the same study showed that 15% of men are pathological liars.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Study shows that...

Study shows that if you say 'study shows that' before saying a statement, people are 56% more likely to believe you and this number can increase to 71% if you add a random statistical data and to further amp up this number to 82.3% you can include decimals in that number as well.

Studying History makes you numb

but studying Mathematics makes you number.

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Little Johnny was in bible study one morning.

Sally was sleeping in front of johnny.
The teacher asks Sally who our Lord and savior was. Little Johnny pokes her in the ass with a pin and she yells "Jesus Christ!" And falls back to sleep.
A little while later the teacher asks Sally who created our world. Johnny poked her in the ass again w...

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Study finds what makes a perfect sandwich.

Your mom after sex!

We asked a group of scientists to study what's an acceptable amount of existential dread to experience.

Their response was, "It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things."

I recently heard about a study that said that all the so-called “brain food”s don’t actually help your brain at all: It’s all just pseudoscience.

Food for thought.

I was doing a study on whether women are open to dating short guys

The 2 most common resposes were

1. Who are you
2. How did you get in my house

Don't drink water while studying...

Why?

Because chemistry says that concentration decreases while adding water.

Note: My first attempt. Thanks.

What do you call the study of an Alabaman’s family tree?

Incestry

Why don't Jewish girls study on their period?

Concentration Cramps

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I'm a scientist studying the effects of beastiality between humans and dogs.

If you want to speak with me I'll be in my lab.

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The latest scientific study on polar bears was just published

The study noted that loss of habitat in the north pole has caused some bears to migrate to the south pole, and also a severe increase in the number of manic/depressive symptoms in the bears studied. Due to lowering numbers, many bears were expressing sexual behaviors towards other bears of both sex...

Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds…

They’ve left no tern unstoned…

Why shouldn't you study French philosophy before Roman poetry?

Because that would be putting Descarte before the Horace.

The Kinsey Institute once conducted a study on men's preferences for women's physical attributes.

5% of men reported liking long legs. 5% of liked short legs. And the other 90% liked something in between.

How is working the fry station at McDonald's like studying Plato and Aristotle?

You really learn to appreciate ancient grease.

What do you call the formal study of pasta?

Linguinistics.

I'll show myself out.

A study conducted on representation of persons with disabilities found that

blind people were 100% less likely to see themselves represented in the media

Studying at Oxford.

I was reading the dictionary in bed last night, but I didn't finish it.

I got up to 'P'.

Einstein spent 10 years studying gravity.

It must have weighed heavily on him.

A 2006 study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.

Another recent study found that Americans drink an average of 22 gallons of beer a year.
That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles per gallon.

Not Bad.

A recent police study found that..

you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

Do you mind if I sit beside you?” The girl replied with a loud voice, "NO, I DON 'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy 's table and said, "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?”

The guy then responded with a loud voice, “$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT 'S WAY TOO MUCH!”

All the people in the lib...

A mother is helping her son study physics

She asked him "Do you know Newton?"
He said no.

She said " if you had been paying attention to your lessons, you would have known him."

The son asked her " do you know Rachel?"
She said no.

He said " if you had been paying attention to your husband, you would have known he...

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BREAKING: New Study Shows Getting Hit in the Testicles is More Painful than Childbirth

After childbirth 34% of women said “Yes” they would like to have another child.

After getting hit in the testicles ~0% of men said “Yes” they’d like to do that again.

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A recent study showed that 93% of the people in Detroit have had shower sex

The other 7% have not been to jail.

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An anthropologist decides to study a particular Inuit tribe.

So he arranges to spend five years living among them. After about a year he hears talk of a secret society, but when he asks to join he's told no. Wanting to be thorough he persists, and eventually the tribal chief gives in. He tells the anthropologist "I have decided to allow you to join our societ...

A new study shown that 1l of beer cuts life for 5 hours

By my calculations, i died in 1872

A recent study shows that the best place for corporations to do business in the US is St. Louis.

As they say, ..Missouri loves companies.

What's the singular of "Women's Studies?"

Study abroad.

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[NSFW] In the 1980's, a group of American scientists conducted a study on why the head of a penis is thicker than the shaft.

And after 2 years and $25,000, they concluded that it was to give the man a more pleasurable sexual experience.

In the 2000's, a group of French scientists decided to revisit the study and after 3 years and $50,000, they concluded that is was to give the woman a more pleasurable sexual experi...

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What do you call the science dedicated to studying Uranus?

Asstronomy

Scientists studying frogs

Two scientists are studying how far frogs can jump. Their first step was to teach a frog to jump on command. This completed, they yelled jump, and the frog jumped 8 meters. Considering what effect each leg had, they then amputated one leg and yelled jump again. The frog jumped 6 meters. After notin...

New study shows bodies found from the Bermuda Triangle all died from heat exhaustion...

...everyone knows its 180 degrees inside a triangle, I don't know why people even bother traveling through it.

A case study has found trampolines are involved in half of all ER admissions for under-14's.

The authors said the problem is tumbling out of control.

A study by the Bureau of Consumer Protection has determined that the most common first name on consumer complaints is actually "Sharon."

My kindergarten teacher was right. Sharon is Karen.

My sister-in-law said her friend was studying abroad...

My brother quickly replied, "what's her name?"

A new scientific study claims that fertility is hereditary...

If your parents didn't have any children, chances are you won't either.

After many years of studying at a university, I’ve finally become a PhD…

or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it.

A rich Arab kid goes to Portugal to study

A rich Arab kid goes to Portugal to study so his old man buys him a sports car to drive around. A few days pass and the father calls the son.

\- Hows it going son? Having fun with your car?

\- No father. I am ashamed, everyone here gets around by train.

\- Dont embarrass me son....

Nothing is better than studying

That's why i do nothing.

2 college friends skip studying for Chemistry final to party

Two guys were taking Chemistry at the University of Mississippi. They did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, such that going into the final they had a solid "A". These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the ...

What is the controlling design factor for the ceiling of a study room?

The attention span.

Study shows women are turning into good drivers

So if you’re a good driver watch out

A doctor rushed out of his study room.

"Get me my bag!" he shouted.
"Why, what's the matter?" inquired his pretty young wife.
"Some fellow just phoned and said he can't live without me," he gasped as he reached for his hat.

The young wife sighed. "Just a moment," she said gently, "I think that call was for me.

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And old english gentleman is sitting in his study.

Suddenly his buttler crashes in through the door and screams "SIR! We are flooding! There's water everywhere..."

"James! This is most irregular. Please leave and come in again with the dignity that is inherent to English gentlemen!"

The buttler bows himself out and then comes in agai...

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Onomastics is the study of last names, and the connection to their thing. Like how Smith's used to be makers, or Gardners used to care for plants and vegetables, or Yorks come from the town of Yorke....

I don't think I want to know what the backstory is for the Dickensons...

I wanted to study History at university, but I was advised not to.

People told me there's no future in it.

What do you call the study of human regret?

Anthroapology

Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person's walk...

And the result was staggering.

A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten sheets over each bird and only the legs showing...

... He sat right in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each set of bird legs and give the common name, habitat, genus, species, and identifying characteristic.

The student looked at each set of bird legs. They...

A mathematician and a physicist were arguing over whose field of study was better.

A mathematician and a physicist were arguing over whose field of study was better. They decided to settle the argument by posing questions. The mathematician went first, and posed a complicated mathematical problem. With a great deal of effort, several books of mathematical tables and techniques,...

No matter how much I study

I always get a B- on my blood test

What does a Capitalist Bat study in College?

Echonomics

I love studying blood-sucking parasites…

Really get into the nitty gritty of things and find out what makes them tick.

When Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history...

Is it called genealogy or geology?

A study into the impact of minimum unit pricing of alcohol in Scotland found it did not cause major bulk buying across the border in England.

Mainly because the off-licenses wouldn't take Scottish notes.

A recent study shows that 9 out of 10 people addicted to brake fluid...

...just can't stop.

We should all stop studying to prevent global warming

Because everytime someone graduates, the world increases by a degree.

I wanted to study about the reproductive organs of flowers

... until I learned there was a stigma attached

My son is studying to become a lawyer, so I texted him, "If you tickle a man to death by accident, is it considered..."

"...manslaughter?!"

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”'...

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”'

The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You c...

A recent study found that California has the highest rate of Depression and Infidelity in America.

It's a sad state of affairs.

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A man walks into the local cathedral and says to the rector, “I would like to join this fucking church.”

The rector is astonished. “I beg your pardon, sir . . . I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?”
“Are you deaf? I said I want to join this fucking church!”

“I’m sorry, sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this building.”
“Okay, twat face, I want to speak to someon...

Dear Dad, $chool i$ great. I’m making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying hard. I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on

Dear Son,
I kNOw astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, Dad

A new study found

A new study found

that people who take their coffee black are more likely to exhibit psychopathic traits..

And people who order a quad shot, non-fat, vanilla soy, extra foam, light whip with caramel drizzle are more likely to be their victims..

A new study shows that un-vaccinated children are less likely to be autistic

because they are more likely to be dead.

Study reveals 20% of men kiss wife goodbye when they leave the house. 80% of men kiss house goodbye when they leave their wife.

Conclusion. Want to keep your house, start kissing your wife.

An American student was studying Russian government

An American student was studying Russian government.

Hoping to understand another country’s government in familiar terms, he asked his teacher, “Is the Kremlin more like the White House, the Capitol, the Pentagon, or the Supreme Court?”

The teacher replied, “Yes.”

Study something you like and you will never have to work a single day

Because you won't find work

I've been studying Canadian Geese for many years with an obsession in the V shape flight pattern, 97% of the time one side of the V is longer than the other, But Why ? I consulted the top Ornithologist and through years of monitoring flight patterns I now know why

There are more Geese on that side !

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Some worrying news for grammar Nazis, a new study shows...

that homophone misuse is at an awl thyme hi.

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A study is looking for guys that find having their balls played with really pleasurable ...

I guess they're looking for some _testemoanials_ ...

... for _reachsearch_ purposes ...

My classmate didn't study for our test in mathematics about probability.

"I'll take my chances", he said.

Him: I study ancient history. Her: Oh cool what period?

Him: The big bang.

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