My classmate didn't study for our test in mathematics about probability.

"I'll take my chances", he said.

A large study shows that educational achievement and earned income strongly correlated with height.

A study carried out among hundreds of elementary school classes showed the tallest person in the room almost always had the highest income and education level.

A recent study has shown that women who carry a little extra weight

live longer than the men who mention it.

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What would you call someone who’s an expert in the study of butt sex?

An Analyst.

Study shows women are turning into good drivers

So if you’re a good driver watch out

I forgot to study for today

Hope i don't fail the drug test

A study showed that 1 in 3 people aren't faithful in their relationship.

I just need to figure out if it is my wife or girlfriend

A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people,

94% are too lazy to actually read that number.

When I enrolled in college, the admissions counselor asked me if I was interested in studying abroad.

I told him I was interested in studying lots of broads.

A new study shows that unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic...

Because they are more likely to be dead.

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A recent scientific study reveals that women have cleaner minds than men.

This, scientists say is basically due to the fact that they change them every fucking 10 seconds or so.

A teenager is trying to decide where to go to college.

He's stuck at a crossroads between three schools - Harvard, Hampden-Sydney, and Alabama. To try and get some guidance, he asks his father,

"Well, what are my chances of getting laid at Harvard?"

"Oh, not good at all," his father says. "They're too focused on studying and working to hav...

This is actually a true story, when I was 17 I had a choice to study in Canada or the USA. I chose Canada because it was less expensive

In retrospect I dodged a bullet, maybe multiple bullets

An Arab student studying in Europe phones his dad

Dad: How's your life going son?

Son: It's going well, Dad.

Dad: Is something wrong? You don't sound happy.

Son: No Dad, everything's fine. Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here

Dad: Son, tell me the truth. I know something's not right.,

So...

Why is studying so important in Singapore?

It’s your get out of jail free card

A study shows that eating 2oz of concentrated tomato sauce per day can keep a man's sperm count up

If you keep that up, your girlfriend just may get Prego.

A researcher conducted a study on the thoughts and feelings of women after having an abortion.

The findings were not a parent.

What do you call a trans person studying genetics?

Transcriptase

Studying waveforms as a dyslexic can be depressing.

When I can't calculat lambda, I just feel sinusoidal.

Saudi Arabian Prince goes to Europe to study.

In a few months he writes a letter to his father:

"Hello, father. My studies proceed well. I like everything here. People are friendly, and student life is abundant. However, one thing worries me very much. Every time I come to school by my Lamborghini, I feel really uncomfortable, because a...

A man was studying to be a filmmaker...

Since he was big live music fan, he started hitting up his favorite local bands and offering to do behind-the-scenes documentary sessions as promotional materials. He got a few bites and after shooting a few small acts, his work really took off, developing a reputation for the way he seemed to disap...

A new study shows that fertility is hereditary

If your parents didn't have any children, chances are you won't either.

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[NSFW] A study just released shows that 84 percent of all people admit to masturbating regularly.

Scientists are very encouraged. The 16 percent rate of lying is the lowest they have ever measured.

A recent study showed that one in three people...

Makes a hell of a foursome.

An insane Harvard research study just proved that when ants are tripping on LSD, they can't get heartburn.

Apparently it works as an antacid.

What do you call the study of Himalayan plants?

Bhutany.

A recent study was conducted to find out why husbands get out of bed at night.

The results found that 5% were getting a snack, 10% percent were going to the toilet and the remaining 85% were going home.

I thought my son was spending way too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."

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Why the head of the penis is larger than the shaft.

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a mans' penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure d...

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A recent study has found that beer contains female hormones.

A test group of 100 male volunteers each consumed six pints of beer, and the effect was that they all talked endlessly about nothing and couldn't drive for shit.

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A recent study says sex burns 3.6 calories a minute...

So that’s why I’m fat.

A newly released Harvard study links NFL head trauma to erectile dysfunction...

The players could sue but I dont think it would stand up in court.

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike.

The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”


The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, “You can have anything you want.”


The first student responds, “Good choice! Her c...

Studying science makes me numb...

Studying math makes me number!

New study finds that most car accidents happen when men have been drinking alcohol.

Because their women are the designated drivers.

Thanks Spotify for all the study playlists

They were instrumental in my success

A recent study shows that 8 out of 9 people vaccinate their kids.

That's one asinine statistic.

A study done by me shows that 74% of people are bad at mathematics.

Fortunately, I'm in the remaining 34%.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

Did you hear about that theoretical physicist who went insane studying cosmic background radiation?

He said he couldn't tell where reality ended... and the paranoid delusions began!

Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names.

Father William jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad raised his hand and said, Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states.

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A joke my dad sent me today but I translated it to English

Jack was bored out of his mind in the classroom on a friday afternoon, as were many of his friends. The teacher noticed this and came up with a small challenge to get their attention back to her.

"Alright, class. I tell you a famous saying and the first one to tell me who said it doesn't hav...

NASA should hire birds for time travel researches.

They have been studying wormholes for thousands if not millions of years before human do.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

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My teacher said people who study programming are better at "If-Then" logic

I've determined it's a bunch of booleshit.

Two scientists are studying a volcano. One says 'yep, she's gonna blow'.

The other says 'nevermind her, what about the volcano?'

If you go to school for accounting be sure to study hard so you can be audit you can be

Its accrual world out there

Crows are super smart

There was a study conducted on crows using cars to crack open nuts. They'd place the nut on the road during a red light, let the cars run over the nuts, and then retrieve them during the next red light.

The study also found a second interesting discovery, there were a large number of crows ...

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Day 69 without sex

didn't study for science test , so i can finally get a D.

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A man signs up to be a special effects supervisor in a studio.

A man, Dave, signs up to be a special fx supervisor in a film making studio. His job was to study different “boards” each containing different sound effects, and he was to pick out the most pleasing and configure them to his preferences.

The first day, Dave went to work and he was directed to...

Why did the frat guy want to major in anatomy?

He thought he would get to study abroad

Noah's Ark 2.0

In the year 2016, the Lord came unto Noah, Who was now living in America and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."
"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah ...

So I went to the library...

I had to go to the library to book a private study room. Once there, I asked the lady if there is one that is available.

Imagine my disappointment when she said, sorry hun, we are fully BOOKED.

Zoology Test

A college student needed a small two-hour course to fill his schedule and the only one available was wildlife Zoology. So he joined in and after one week of study, a test was held. 

The professor passed out sheets of small
paper where in each square was a carefully drawn picture of a bird'...

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A LONG ONE( but worth it): One wet, cold morning...

A bus driver was just starting along his route. It was still dark and raining and the temperature hovered just above freezing.

As he approached the first stop on his route he could see some poor soul laying on the bench. He stopped the bus, opened the doors and called out to the soaking wet p...

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Glans

There has been a study at Cambridge University to determine why men have a knob (glans) on the end of of their dicks.

They spent £1.000.000 and announced that it is there to give women pleasure.

When Oxford uni saw this they did some research, cost £2.000.000 and determined that it is ...

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What is the study of people attracted to both sexes?

Biology

The day I read the study that says drinking coffee will kill me is the day I stop

reading.

A Sports Medicine Physician went to Wrestlemania one year to study the rate of concussions among the performers.

While backstage, he bumped into John Cena, and asked him if any of the matches qualified for Continuing Medical Education credit.

The Doctor of Thuganomics looked the physiatrist dead in the eyes; paused, then slowly replied: "No. You can't CME."

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical.

After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Many years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to ...

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A man is eating soup at a restaurant when he drops his spoon.

It was a particularly busy day, so the man thinks "Great, by the time I get another spoon, my soup will be cold." Nevertheless, he flags down his waiter and tells him that he dropped his spoon. The waiter says "Here ya go" and produces a spoon from his vest pocket. "Wow, that was convenient" the man...

how do you study for a DNA test?

highlight the answers with a genetic marker

A study revealed married men die on average 7 years before their wives. Do you know why?

Because we want to

Mbeki and his elephant

Mbeki was a boy who live in a small village on the edge of the great Serengeti plain of Africa. Mbeki would spend days watching the animals on the plain, learning and studying their behaviors.

Twice a year during the great animal migration from their summer to their winter feeding grounds and...

Why did the physicist throw the stop sign into the ocean?

He was studying sign waves.

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His Native American girlfriend was really shy...

...so, when she came to visit him at college, he hid her away in a hotel pretty far away from his school. He knew how crude his schoolmates could be and it wouldn't do for her to be exposed to such filth as these cretins would be likely to subject her to.

The whole week that she visited, she ...

A physicist sits down at a bar and orders two drinks.

He places one in front of the empty seat next to him, while he slowly consumes the other. Upon finishing, he orders another drink. The bartender notices the untouched beverage and motions to it. "Something wrong with this one?" "No," says the physicist, "that one is for my companion." "Oh," say...

pwn'd

A guy is looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library. He asked a girl:

"Do you mind if I sit beside you?"

The girl replied in a loud voice:

"I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly ...

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Little Billy was excited to get his Eagle badge but had to pass a final test

Billy and his mates are on a camping trip, when the troop leader said "I have one final test for you, Billy," as he pointed towards a tree. "I need you to identify the front of this tree."

Little Billy walks around the tree, studying it, the troop leader is stumped as Billy proclaims, "obviou...

A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.

“Oh My God – Hurry! Grab your clothes,” she yelled to her lover. “And jump out the window. My husband’s home early!”

I can’t jump out the window. It’s raining out there.

If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both, she replied.

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs ...

I remember studying Pavlov in school and thinking, "Those stupid dogs."

and then the bell went and we all had lunch

The Story of Apple

It was an apple that kicked Adam and Eve out of heaven. It was an apple that made Newton discover gravity, and since then everyone has to study it. Nowadays, it's an apple that we spend all of our money and time. So through the history whenever human being got f\*\*\*ed it was because of an apple!

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AN IRISH GHOST STORY

This story happened a while ago near Kells, County Meath, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale... it's true.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John Reilly, a Cavan man studying in UCD, was on the side of the road hitchhiking back to Dublin on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. ...

I study whole day / Night but got b+ , whereas my friend goes to party , spend times on games and movies, still got A+ .....

On blood test report..

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A recent study shows that 60% of people use their cellphones to cheat on their partners.

The remaining 40% prefer to use their penis.

Trump being President is a good thing.

It teaches children that no matter who they are... No matter what they study... No matter what qualifications they have...

ANYone can be President.

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Cussing In Church

A crusty old man  walks into the local Lutheran Church and says to the
secretary, "I would like to  join this damn church."


The astonished  woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have
misunderstood you. What did  you say?"


"Listen up, damn  it. I said I wa...

I was studying hard for a midterm when I heard a knock on my door.

+Knock knock.

-Who is there?

+Your nation!

-What are you talking about?

+Procrastination.

Needless to say I have been on reddit since.

Med school is a lot easier than I expected!

I didn’t even study and my blood test says I got an “A+”

Why do old people read the Bible so much?

They are trying to study for finals

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20-Year double-blind university study in Sweden on the effects of diet on sex drive

Have you heard about this new study?

Researchers in Sweden tracked 2,000 couples from the moment they first started dating out to twenty (20) years forward.

Obviously, most of the couples ended up getting divorced, but their behavior and health was still tracked throughout the study....

I always wanted to study neuroscience

Just didn’t have the brains for it

Organic chemistry is difficult

Those who study it have alkynes of trouble

A recent study shows that a weird side effect of doing too much cocaine is really glossy skin.

Scientists are calling it the Charlie Sheen.

Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history

Is that genealogy or geology?

Studying is my Drug

But thank goodness, i say no to Drugs.

Dear Dad, $chool i$ great

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ great. I’m making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying hard. I $imply cannot think of anything I need, $o ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
Your $on

Dear Son,

I kNOw astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even a...

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