Why do Americans still think they are in “The Greatest country in the world”?

When your citizens are 37th in the world in education, you can pretty much tell them anything.

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Apparently there's a lack of sex education being taught in school

Which is why I'm glad the Catholic church has taken matters into their own hands.

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An education is important

But having a big dick is importanter

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It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only sex education...

According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.

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The Vikings were the ones that took it upon themselves to spread sexual education to the world around them

*Even if it had to be mandatory*




Which kinda made it a constant pain in the ass

With all the tax dollars weed sales in Colorado is raising for education...

Those schools are going to be dope.

Two brick masons are laying a wall when suddenly one of the bricks start to talk..

When the masons start to talk to the brick he seems just like a regular guy telling the masons about his ambitions to go and get a education, so that he's not forgotten like the rest of his brethren. Then he asks the masons to go with him and get an education too so that they won't have to do this...

Two boys are in class during religious education.

The first boy gets so bored that he falls asleep. The teacher then asks the class, "who created the earth?"

The second boy pulls out a needle and jabs his friend in the arm. He wakes up, startled, and yells, "God Almighty!"

"Correct," says the teacher.

The boy eventually drifts ...

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Old school education

An old school machinist had taught many classes. Recently, the field had seen many more women join in. Most teachers changed or modernized their teaching style, to fit the times, but not him.
Every year he began his class with the simplest safety guide he knew. Don't put your hand where you woul...

"We don't need no education."

Yes, you do. You just used a double negative.

The Department is Education is canceling $150 million in student loans.

Those are a lucky 4 people.

I read the other day that Penn State has spent $237 million defending the university during the Sandusky lawsuit. Think of how many peoples’ education that would pay for.

At least 4 or 5.

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Sex education

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The...

They say you can’t get a decent job without education.

But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon!

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Sex education

Dave's wife said to him, "If our kids are old enough to ask a question about sex, then they are old enough to be told a truthful answer."
Just then his son came home from school and asked him what a blow job was.
"Son," said Dave, "I can't remember."

They said calculus would be integral to my education

I found it a little derivative.

I'm one of the few pirates that went to school to get an education...

I'm one of the few pirates that went to school to get an education, and I just recently got my report card in the mail. It was tough, especially with the extra class I took for zero period, but I finally got what I worked so hard for!



*I got all Seven C's*

Blonde physical education teacher

A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher for 16 - 18 year olds.

She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun, kicking a football.

She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'Are you ok?' she asks....

I blame gravity for my education

It's always pulling me down...

The American education system obviously listen to Pink Floyd.

They've left those kids a loan.

EDIT: Woke up to find THIS :O

What do Australians get from education?

Koalafications

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A redneck decides to get an education.

He goes in to see the counselor, who tells him to take Math, History, and Logic.

"What's Logic?" he asks.

The professor answers by saying, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weedeater?"

"I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied th...

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Why doesn't the middle east teach drivers education and sex education on the same day?

Because the goat gets tired.

If you go to clown school is your education a joke

or are you juggling with your future?

Prisons nationwide have integrated the Hokey-Pokey into their physical education program.

They think it will help the inmates turn their lives around.

America really needs to work on its education system

I mean I hear China has kids working for Apple

Education is just like an erection

If you have it, it shows

A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink so he calls a plumber.

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.




The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could b...

I told my son to get an education.

He said, "I won't."

I said, "Why?"

He said, "Cause you got one and now you're married with five kids."

A Harvard grad with a PhD and a redneck with a 5th grade education are in a contest

This was one of my dad's favorites, and I've never seen it here. This is basically how he told it:

A Harvard grad with a PhD (we'll call him John) and a redneck with a 5th grade education (we'll call him Bubba) are in a contest, and at the end of this contest (the type doesn't matter), their ...

Education nominee Betsy DeVos wins Senate confirmation vote

I kept seeing this in r/news, but I was sure it belonged here......

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Why does the Islamic State have sex education classes and driver's education in different weeks?

So it's not too hard on the goats.

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Sex Education

Teacher: "Tell me the difference between a
Callgirl,
Girlfriend, and
Wife."

The whole class was silent.. till 'Little Samun' put up his hand and answered:
*PREPAID*
*POSTPAID* and
*UNLIMITED* ....

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Our sex education teacher asked the class, "Who knows what fisting is?"

I put my hand up.

"Y'know with all the civil unrest, political corruption, class divides, drug smuggling, gang wars, police brutality, gun violence, and poor education maybe building a wall to protect us from our southern neighbors isn't such a bad idea"

\- Canada

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In sex education, the teacher asked: "does anyone have any questions about the female human body?"

I said: "yes miss, do you know any good places to hide one?"

Rest In Peace, American Education

Coming to an end in DeVos't way imaginable.

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I was in sex education class ..

...when the teacher pointed at the diagram and asked, "What is this called?"

I put my hand up and answered, "That's a pussy, Miss Stevens."

She rolled her eyes, and replied, "Give me a medical term, please."

"Oh, sorry," I replied. "That's a pussy, Doctor Stevens."

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Sex education class

Schoolgirl: "I do not want to take the sex Education class."
Teacher: "Why?"
Schoolgirl: "Someone told me that the final exam will be Oral."

I bet I can guess what level of education you have from this simple quiz!

Question 1) What was the last grade you completed?

Ole Blue

A young cowboy from Montana goes off to college.

Half way through the semester, having foolishly
squandered all his money .... he calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in University that will teach our...

I'm glad that DeVos was confirmed as education secretary.

Now I don't have to worry about my grandkids being able to read some of my dumbest Facebook posts... or anything else, for that matter.

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Three boys received their grades from their female sex education instructor.

One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F. "One day we should get her for this," said the first boy. "I agree. We'll grab her..." said the second. "Yeah," said the third. "And then we'll kick her in the nuts!"

You know, I'm really glad Ben Carson didn't end up being Secretary of Education.

I really didn't want our kids learning that the food pyramid was built to store grain.

I have a simple solution to promote higher education,

build taller schools.

Why Americans don’t need to feel bad when they are criticized by the British

Sometimes I hear people from Great Britain talk about how bad the education is in The US. I do get a little offended, but then I realize they are just salty because we beat them in The Civil War.

A joke I've picked up from working in Higher Education.

At a small university there is the director of the Sociology program, the director of the Religious Studies program, the director of the Anthropology program and the university president. All four of them are heading to a conference in the next town over. The directors all decide to carpool, and the...

How is Donald Trump going to shut down the department of education?

By renaming it 'Trump University'!

What does a woman want?

Equality
Safety
Education
Independence
Nutrition
Love

What does a man want?
Woman

Happy Woman’s Day!!

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Subject of sex education with her fourth-grade class Student

A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex educa...

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What's the difference between normal schools and schools in Alabama?

Schools in Alabama teach the relative theory in sex education

President Trump was asked by a reporter if he supports higher education and single mothers.

He responded, "Of course I do. Why do you think I've spent so much money at the strip club?"

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Why dont they have Drivers Education and Sex Education class on the same day in Iran

Because it would kill the camel

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I visited the Middle East last year...

And I had to spend a whole school year there. It was weird because their schools are unable to have drivers education and sex education on the same day.

Too hard for the camels.

A father and son went on a camping trip

An uneducated father with his educated son went on a camping trip.
They set-up their tent and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the father woke up his son.
Father : "Look up to the sky and tell me what you see?"
Son : "I see millions of stars."
Father : "And what does that tell you?"
...

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Sex Education

Two boys get their report cards and notice that they both got Fs from their sex education teacher.

"I can’t believe we failed sex ed," says the first boy. "My dad’s gonna kill me."

"I know," says the other. "I’m so mad I could kick Mrs. Wilson in the nuts!"

There's a new study out from the Department of Education...

It shows that two thirds of Americans don't understand fractions and the other half don't care.

Dear Board of Education...

So are we.
- Sincerely, the students

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Two university professors were arguing...

...over who was the better teacher. The first professor boasts that he could teach anybody any subject in a matter of days, so the second professor makes a proposal. He tells the first professor that if he really can teach anyone, then he should have no problem going downtown, finding a prostitute, ...

What is Donald Trumps favourite song? Another Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd

Because he don't need no education....

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Sex education

One day a little boy comes home from school. The boy goes in his house And the father asks

Father- what did you do in school today son?

Son- uhm, today we learned about girls parts, boys parts, and how they work

Father- oh.. Well.. Do you have any questions?

Son- uhmmm.. ...

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from an old book

Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at tue bar, drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow, I think I'll go to the community college and sign up for some classes." The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets th...

Where does a toxicologist go to get the best possible education?

A Poison Ivy League College.

Education is a team effort

There's no 'i' in 'illiteracy'!

Abstinence-only education...

Was the first time I got screwed.

I was expelled for smoking weed at school

All I wanted was a higher education

Mississippi's Education/Testing scores are the worst in the nation...

yep, we're ranked 53rd.

Good ol'e USA

18: can I buy a bottle of wine?

USA: no that's illegal & irresponsible

18: can I go $50,000 into debt for education?

USA: we encourage it

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The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil.

The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil.

Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.

'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?'

When Susie didn'...

London lawyer and Irish Garda

A London lawyer travelling through Dublin runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish Garda. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a London lawyer and is certain that he has a better education than any paddy cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Ga...

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Sexual education with John Wayne

The first time I got sexual education in elementary school, we were told to write a small text about sex and read it out loud in front of the class. Most stories were about "when a man and a woman love eachother", when their dog gave birth to puppies, etc...
I wrote this:
"John Wayne is being ...

A Romanian arrives in Sydney as a new immigrant to the Australian

He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. Australia man, for letting me come into this country, giving me housing, Income Support, free medical care, and a free education!" The passerby says, "You   are mistaken, I am Egyptian."

The man goes on and ...