UPJOKE
surveylearnconsiderreadmeditatecontemplateworkexaminesubjectauditexaminationreviewresearchdiagnosecompare

After studying the force, young Skywalker wants to practice his French and asks Master Yoda: What does je ne sais quoi mean?

I don't know what
that means,
says the wise green hermit.

Studying History makes you numb

but studying Mathematics makes you number.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the science dedicated to studying Uranus?

Asstronomy

A white scientist is studying a tribe in Africa

A white scientist is studying an African tribe.

One day, the tribe leaders wife has a white son.

The tribe leader approaches the scientist soon after.

"Well, we both know what happened here. No one else could have done it. You slept with my wife, I have to kill you." The tribe l...

My sister-in-law said her friend was studying abroad...

My brother quickly replied, "what's her name?"

My son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

He considered this for a moment and replied: “When Abe Lincoln was your age he was The President of the United States.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Being a teenager is the worst. I've jerked off more than I've studied.

Which is ironic. One of then requires you to clear up space, look up the material, make sure theres no distractions around you and focus.

....and the other ones studying.

I love studying blood-sucking parasites…

Really get into the nitty gritty of things and find out what makes them tick.

She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight, you pig!"

Everyone in the bar stops and stares.

Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table with a red face.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.

She smiles and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm st...

Don't drink water while studying...

Why?

Because chemistry says that concentration decreases while adding water.

Note: My first attempt. Thanks.

Arab student in Germany.

An arab student studying in Germany contacts his father saying "I feel ashamed that I come to college on a Lexus and the Doctors who teach me come by train".

His father sends him a check with 100 million $ and a note saying "here go buy yourself a train and don't embarrass us with the Germans...

My son is studying to become a lawyer, so I texted him, "If you tickle a man to death by accident, is it considered..."

"...manslaughter?!"

A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten sheets over each bird and only the legs showing...

... He sat right in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each set of bird legs and give the common name, habitat, genus, species, and identifying characteristic.

The student looked at each set of bird legs. They...

Peanut in the ear

Sitting at home with his wife, a man is casually tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth while watching TV.

The man loses concentration for a split second and a peanut goes into his ear.

He tries to get it out, but succeeds only in forcing the thing in deep.

...

A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of whiskey...

The bartender gives him one, looks at him head to toe, and asks, "So, what did you dress up for this Halloween?"

The man replies, "A nine-carbon chain".

The bartender chuckles and says, "A nine-carbon chain with alcohol?"

"Yeah, any problem with that?"

"No, nonanol"
...

An American student was studying Russian government

An American student was studying Russian government.

Hoping to understand another country’s government in familiar terms, he asked his teacher, “Is the Kremlin more like the White House, the Capitol, the Pentagon, or the Supreme Court?”

The teacher replied, “Yes.”

I've been studying Canadian Geese for many years with an obsession in the V shape flight pattern, 97% of the time one side of the V is longer than the other, But Why ? I consulted the top Ornithologist and through years of monitoring flight patterns I now know why

There are more Geese on that side !

there was a Saudi guy

Who was studying in Pennsylvania University.
His father was one of the richest Sheikh in middle East.
Everyday he comes to his college in his own Ferrari GT 250 while the others use public transport.
This makes him quite uncomfortable and sad.

One day he texts his dad and says " ...

We should all stop studying to prevent global warming

Because everytime someone graduates, the world increases by a degree.

Maker

A grandfather and granddaughter were sitting and talking when the young girl asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"

"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered.

A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?"

"Yes, He did," the older man answered.

For...

An Arab student studying in Germany wrote a letter to his dad

Dear Dad,

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.

Your son, Nasser.

The next day, Nasser gets a reply to hi...

My girlfriend who is studying for her scientific doctorate started criticising me the other day, complaining about small things I forgot to do recently and pointing out my minute personal faults...

So I said to her "Are you going for your degree in microbiology?"

She replied "No, no, I am working on particle physics, why?"

So I said "Okay, good, then stop putting everything I do under a microscope!"

A man spends his days studying archeology at university, and his nights dreaming of someday finding a girlfriend.

No matter how hard he tried, he could never master the techniques of dating.

Eventually, his professors had to fail him.

When Karl Marx was a young philosophy student, he took it upon himself to travel across the country to see the wide world and learn all that he could to develop his theories.

Hither and thither he would ride across the German countryside, in his little pony-cart pulled by a pair of strong, hardy donkeys, meeting people, studying their lives and professions, and seeking to understand the world.

A time came when he was high in the German mountains. Snow was thick ...

The word “studying” comes from the words

Students Dying

I got distracted while studying Reading a book about abdominal pain in the library last night

Someone ripped out the appendix

An old man sat studying on a bench near the Kremlin

A KGB agent walking by looked at him suspiciously
but passed by
But an hour and 2 more times passing later the agent asked "Why are u sitting here so long and what are u doing?
Old man replied "I am an old man and Don't expect to live much longer. I want to go to heaven and as u know they s...

A scientist was studying life extending properties through diet...

And realized he had the perfect formula for eternal life. He developed a special food formula which he fed to seagulls. Then he would feed their eggs to a pair of dolphins.

After 10 years on a diet of fortified seagull eggs, the dolphins hadn't aged a day. But there was one problem. Th...

Did you hear about the doctor who was studying ways of making people laugh?

He was known for his test tickles.

Which test can you pass without studying?

COVID-19 test.

Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds…

They’ve left no tern unstoned…

Studying the nature of Mars

A NASA scientist walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How's work going?" the bartender asks. "It's frustrating. We've been studying the planet Mars and trying to figure out how it went from having a warm and wet habitat to a cold and dry one," the scientist says. "So far, we don't have an answ...

I wanted to be a high-court judge so was studying law, but I got kicked out for vigilantism

Turns out you can't have your cape and edict too

They say reading is hot. So I started studying philosophy.

Now all of my relationships are platonic.

After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting...

"Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!"

Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time"

Studying engineering in school is like World War 2.

The objective is clear, there’s an obvious enemy, and everyone is fighting for the same cause.

Interviewing to get an engineering job is like Vietnam. Everybody tells you a different objective, you’re not properly equipped for the environment, and the Asians are always one step ahead.

A dermatologist was studying new remedies for itching, but his lab burnt down...

Now he has to start from scratch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Future historians will have difficulties studying about our pornstars

because we delete them from our history.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife is studying to become a massage therapist

All she wants to do is study and practice. I’ve got to cook, I’ve got to clean, it’s tough.

But I have to say, at the end of the day, it does feel nice to be kneaded

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American anthropologist is studying cultures throughout Western Africa.

He discovers an isolated civilization in the West African Jungle. It’s a small village with wooden houses and plenty of domesticated animals. The anthropologist is impressed by the organization of the village and becomes eager to learn more about the culture of it’s inhabitants.

He approa...

I’ve been studying abroad for a few months now

I think I’m gonna finally ask her out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm a scientist studying the effects of beastiality between humans and dogs.

If you want to speak with me I'll be in my lab.

Scientists were studying rams

They had three rams in their lab. Each ram had a leather collar, and attached to each collar was a tag identifying them as A, B and C.

One of the researchers brought a large gourd from the supply closet and placed it on the head of Ram A. Nothing happened. After five minutes he removed the g...

My daughter didn't tell me she was studying a math degree

Must have been discreet math

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I know of a zoophile scientist who is studying human-dog sexual relationships.

He's always in his lab

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's it called when someone is studying buttholes?

Analyzing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The aliens studying Earth hold a conference. The keynote speaker stands, and after welcoming the attendees and the usual pleasantries, he begins, "Ladies and gentlebeings, for seventy of its years, we have studied this planet...

"As you know, our primary research method is to abduct a local sapient and probe its rectum. After these many years, and thousands or millions of rectal probes, we have definitively learned exactly one thing.

"One in six of them likes it."

When Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history...

Is it called genealogy or geology?

A girl was studying French, and doing very well at it.

One day, she asked her teacher “Do you know anything about Spanish? For I know everything there is to know about French, and I need a new language.”

The teacher responded “What a sudden change! And why would you possibly ask me, your French teacher? This was completely unexpected!”

“No...

California scientists are studying the impact of cannabis seeds from the farms will have on the local seabird population

Apparently they are being thorough and are leaving no tern unstoned

The story of how I met Mr Ache.

There once was a man, funnier than anybody else. People knew him as Mr Ache. Some would travel from far and wide to learn the art of telling a joke from this guy. He might just have been the funniest guy who ever lived.

One day, I decided I wanted to make a post on r/Jokes. I packed up my thi...

A boy is studying for his geography quiz

His mom asks him:

"What is the capital of Germany?"

"Berlin", says the boy.

"What is the capital of France?"

"Berlin."

"What is the capital of Russia?"

"Berlin."

"You're so smart, Adolf, I know you'll do great on your quiz."

My friend had a long life dream of studying carbonation in soda. After many years of schooling, he accomplished his dream...

...he became a licensed Fizzyologist.

After many years of studying at a university, I’ve finally become a PhD…

or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it.

What do you call a student who’s studying to become an eye doctor?

A pupil.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.