UPJOKE
surveylearnconsiderreadmeditatecontemplateworkexaminesubjectauditexaminationreviewresearchdiagnoseassay

Studying Jokes

Don't drink water while studying...

Why?

Because chemistry says that concentration decreases while adding water.

Note: My first attempt. Thanks.
upvote downvote report

A white scientist is studying a tribe in Africa

A white scientist is studying an African tribe.

One day, the tribe leaders wife has a white son.

The tribe leader approaches the scientist soon after.

"Well, we both know what happened here. No one else could have done it. You slept with my wife, I have to kill you." The tribe l...
upvote downvote report

An Arab student studying in Germany wrote a letter to his dad

Dear Dad,

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.

Your son, Nasser.

The next day, Nasser gets a reply to hi...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Future historians will have difficulties studying about our pornstars

because we delete them from our history.

You shouldn't drink water while studying.

It decreases concentration.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"This term," said the English teacher, "we will be studying 'The Canterbury Tales' "

"But," she added, "to anticipate a question I get every year -- this will not include *The Nun's Priest's Tale*"

"Why not?" asked one of the pupils. The teacher's features shaped themselves into an expression of sour disapproval.

"Because," she answered, "*The Nun's Priest's Tale* is l...

My son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

He considered this for a moment and replied: “When Abe Lincoln was your age he was The President of the United States.”
upvote downvote report

Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds…

They’ve left no tern unstoned…
upvote downvote report

When Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history...

Is it called genealogy or geology?
upvote downvote report

After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting...

"Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!"

Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time"
upvote downvote report

Studying History makes you numb

but studying Mathematics makes you number.
upvote downvote report

A few years ago I was studying abroad...

...in Egypt. I was attending a beautiful university in the capital city, having a wonderful time.

One day I had a pretty important test to take, and I stayed up way too late cramming for it. I slept terribly and woke up with a crick in my neck and pain all throughout my back and shoulders. <...
upvote downvote report

A boy is studying for his geography quiz

His mom asks him:

"What is the capital of Germany?"

"Berlin", says the boy.

"What is the capital of France?"

"Berlin."

"What is the capital of Russia?"

"Berlin."

"You're so smart, Adolf, I know you'll do great on your quiz."
upvote downvote report

Studying at Oxford.

I was reading the dictionary in bed last night, but I didn't finish it.

I got up to 'P'.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm a scientist studying the effects of beastiality between humans and dogs.

If you want to speak with me I'll be in my lab.

Scientists studying frogs

Two scientists are studying how far frogs can jump. Their first step was to teach a frog to jump on command. This completed, they yelled jump, and the frog jumped 8 meters. Considering what effect each leg had, they then amputated one leg and yelled jump again. The frog jumped 6 meters. After notin...
upvote downvote report

Einstein spent 10 years studying gravity.

It must have weighed heavily on him.
upvote downvote report

I've been studying Zeno's paradoxes for the last two years...

And I am already half way there.
upvote downvote report

Nothing is better than studying

That's why i do nothing.
upvote downvote report

What do you call it when you are studying bacteria and someone steals your sample?

Cultural appropriation.
upvote downvote report

How is working the fry station at McDonald's like studying Plato and Aristotle?

You really learn to appreciate ancient grease.
upvote downvote report

I love studying blood-sucking parasites…

Really get into the nitty gritty of things and find out what makes them tick.
upvote downvote report

2 college friends skip studying for Chemistry final to party

Two guys were taking Chemistry at the University of Mississippi. They did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, such that going into the final they had a solid "A". These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the ...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the science dedicated to studying Uranus?

Asstronomy

My sister-in-law said her friend was studying abroad...

My brother quickly replied, "what's her name?"
upvote downvote report

NYU has a new branch for studying comedy in the style of 3 Stooges

It’s called NYUK NYUK NYUK
upvote downvote report

We should all stop studying to prevent global warming

Because everytime someone graduates, the world increases by a degree.
upvote downvote report

An American student was studying Russian government

An American student was studying Russian government.

Hoping to understand another country’s government in familiar terms, he asked his teacher, “Is the Kremlin more like the White House, the Capitol, the Pentagon, or the Supreme Court?”

The teacher replied, “Yes.”
upvote downvote report

After many years of studying at a university, I’ve finally become a PhD…

or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it.
upvote downvote report

Scientists were studying rams

They had three rams in their lab. Each ram had a leather collar, and attached to each collar was a tag identifying them as A, B and C.

One of the researchers brought a large gourd from the supply closet and placed it on the head of Ram A. Nothing happened. After five minutes he removed the g...
upvote downvote report

Studying the nature of Mars

A NASA scientist walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How's work going?" the bartender asks. "It's frustrating. We've been studying the planet Mars and trying to figure out how it went from having a warm and wet habitat to a cold and dry one," the scientist says. "So far, we don't have an answ...
upvote downvote report

A scientist was studying life extending properties through diet...

And realized he had the perfect formula for eternal life. He developed a special food formula which he fed to seagulls. Then he would feed their eggs to a pair of dolphins.

After 10 years on a diet of fortified seagull eggs, the dolphins hadn't aged a day. But there was one problem. Th...
upvote downvote report

The kids at middle school are studying WWII...

... and little Timmys grandpa, who was a fighter pilot in the war, is invited to class to tell about his experiences. He reminisces:

"Now, the worst situation I was ever in, was probably when I encountered a German air wing all by myself. I had one Fokker above me, one Fokker behind me and on...
upvote downvote report

Because of all the studying, I spend an unhealthy amount of time sitting.

I think I am understanding.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American anthropologist is studying cultures throughout Western Africa.

He discovers an isolated civilization in the West African Jungle. It’s a small village with wooden houses and plenty of domesticated animals. The anthropologist is impressed by the organization of the village and becomes eager to learn more about the culture of it’s inhabitants.

He approa...

They say reading is hot. So I started studying philosophy.

Now all of my relationships are platonic.
upvote downvote report

A guy was studying a document.

His wife says, what are you looking at that for?

Nothing he replies.

Well you been looking at our marriage certificate for ages.

He said, I am looking for the expiry date.
upvote downvote report

Studying math helps extend your life expectancy

80 minutes in math class feel like 3 hours long
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's it called when someone is studying buttholes?

Analyzing.

An old man sat studying on a bench near the Kremlin

A KGB agent walking by looked at him suspiciously
but passed by
But an hour and 2 more times passing later the agent asked "Why are u sitting here so long and what are u doing?
Old man replied "I am an old man and Don't expect to live much longer. I want to go to heaven and as u know they s...
upvote downvote report

Studying...

Notice how they fit dying at the end of the word.
upvote downvote report

I'm currently studying the Ancient Greeks.

I'm sitting in an elderly home at Athens.
upvote downvote report

I’ve been studying abroad for a few months now

I think I’m gonna finally ask her out
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Miss Jorgensen's 6th grade class was studying WW2...

So she invites Ollie Svensen, the only surviving veteran in their area to talk to them. He had been a fighter pilot, and described his fist battle as having "fuckers above shootin' me, fuckers below shootin' at me, fuckers everwhere shootin!"

As the class giggled, the teacher said, "Mr. Svens...

I always listen to mumble rap when I’m studying.

It’s a constant reminder on why it is important to get educated.
upvote downvote report

My daughter didn't tell me she was studying a math degree

Must have been discreet math
upvote downvote report

I tried studying Anesthesiology....

.... But I wasnt feeling it.
upvote downvote report

A dermatologist was studying new remedies for itching, but his lab burnt down...

Now he has to start from scratch.
upvote downvote report

A girl was studying French, and doing very well at it.

One day, she asked her teacher “Do you know anything about Spanish? For I know everything there is to know about French, and I need a new language.”

The teacher responded “What a sudden change! And why would you possibly ask me, your French teacher? This was completely unexpected!”

“No...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boy: Grandpa, what are you studying .. ???

Grandpa: History, Son.

Boy: Grandpa, why are you lying ? ... This seems to be a book on sex

Grandpa: Son, for me, this is history now.

I got distracted while studying Reading a book about abdominal pain in the library last night

Someone ripped out the appendix
upvote downvote report

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test ...

... and asked his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car" The boy thought about that for a moment,...
upvote downvote report

A young Saudi prince studying abroad...

A young Saudi prince studying abroad receives a call from his father asking him if everything is alright.
He tells his dad that he is feeling ashamed that everyday he goes to college in his brand new Lamborghini while all the other students take the train.
His father replies: "I understand y...
upvote downvote report

Did you hear about the doctor who was studying ways of making people laugh?

He was known for his test tickles.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I know of a zoophile scientist who is studying human-dog sexual relationships.

He's always in his lab

I'm studying abroad.

I learn so much from her.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was studying about human digestion, assimilation and it's product.

It's all shit

A man spends his days studying archeology at university, and his nights dreaming of someday finding a girlfriend.

No matter how hard he tried, he could never master the techniques of dating.

Eventually, his professors had to fail him.
upvote downvote report

If a biologist studies biology and a nutritionist studies nutrition

Trump must be an expert at studying races.
upvote downvote report

Why is studying statistics hard to do in Afghanistan?

because of the tally-ban
upvote downvote report

A man was studying to be a filmmaker...

Since he was big live music fan, he started hitting up his favorite local bands and offering to do behind-the-scenes documentary sessions as promotional materials. He got a few bites and after shooting a few small acts, his work really took off, developing a reputation for the way he seemed to disap...
upvote downvote report

Studying for finals is like playing Tetris

just when you seem to get the facts to fit together, all that you thought you learned disappears.
upvote downvote report

I'm currently studying snails and slugs.

It's safe to say I'm a slow learner.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After studying sexual energy, I decided to try semen retention.

After just one week, my wife had to empty the fridge.

Why is studying so important in Singapore?

It’s your get out of jail free card
upvote downvote report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information